Hereditary Monarchy Offers Numerous Advantages For America. It Is The Only Form Of Government Able To Unify A Heterogeneous People. Thanks To Centuries Of Dynastic Marriage, The Family Tree Of Every Royal House Is An Ethnic Grab Bag With Something For Everybody. We Need This Badly; America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Suffer Culture Shock Without Leaving Home. We Can't Go On Much Longer Depending Upon Disasters Like Pearl Harbor And The Iranian Hostage-taking To "bring Us Together.

-Florence King

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Time Has Lost All Meaning In That Nightmare Alley Of The Western World Known As The American Mind.

Mind

Literature

World

No Matter Which Sex I Went To Bed With, I Never Smoked On The Street

Sex

Bed

Matter

To Me, Elitism Means A Love Of Excellence And Superiority, But America Has Declared War On Both And Developed A Sick Love Of The Lowest Common Denominator To Make Sure No-one Becomes Too Fine For Our Touted Democracy. We Are Almost At The Point Of Regarding Every Virtue As Elitist.

War

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Let's Bring Back Grandmothers! A Real Family Consists Of Three Generations. It's Time Americans Stopped Worrying About Interference And Being A Burden On The Children And Regrouped Under One Roof.

Children

Real

Grandma

I Do Believe In Reincarnation, But I Do Not Believe There Is Life Before Noon.

Believe

Noon

Reincarnation

Americans Are So Emotionally Fragile That Soon We Will Have To Be Carried Around In Plastic Bubbles And Fed With An Eye-dropper.

Eye

Plastic

Feds

The Feminization Of America Has Made Emotions Sacrosanct While Condemning As Cold And Unfeeling Rigorous Concepts Such As Duty Andhonor. Propelled By Incessant Hosannas To Woman's "finer" This And "softer" That, We Make Emotional Decisions Instead Of Ethical Ones And Then Congratulate Ourselves For Having "heart.

Heart

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America

Familiarity Breeds Democracry.

Familiarity

I Wasn't Used To Children And They Were Getting On My Nerves. Worse, It Appeared That I Was A Child, Too. I Hadn't Known That Before; I Thought I Was Just Short.

Children

Nerves

Used

The Copyeditor I Drew Was A Brachycephalic, Web-footed Cretin Who Should Have Been In An Institution Learning How To Make Brooms.

Should Have

Institutions

Brooms

In Other Countries, Congenital Introverts Simply Remain Introverts All Their Lives, Neither Advancing Nor Retreating, But America's Commitment To Extroversion As A National Art Form Can Abrade Some Naturally Aloof Personalities Until They Flower Into Deadly Nightshade.

Country

Art

Flower

Nothing Is More Likely To Start Me Screaming Like A Madwoman Than New York In February With Its Piles Of Blackened Snow Full Of Yellow Holes Drilled By Dogs.

Dog

New York

Yellow

If You Ever Meet Someone Who Cannot Understand Why Solitary Confinement Is Considered Punishment, You Have Met A Misanthrope.

Punishment

Misanthrope

Mets

A Cardinal Rule Of Writing Is Never Interrupt Yourself To Explain Something. If You Must Bring Up An Obscure Topic, Drop Informative Hints About It As You Go Along So That You Don't End Up With The Entire Explanation All In One Place. This Keeps You From Skidding To A Stop And Sounding Teacherish. Otherwise It's Better To Omit The Obscure Topic Altogether, Or As Mothers Might Put It: If You Can't Say It Interestingly, Don't Say It At All.

Mother

Writing

Topics

There Is More Sexism In A Year's Worth Of Movies Than Actually Exists In A Woman's Entire Lifetime.

Years

Lifetime

Sexism

"very" Is The Most Useless Word In The English Language And Can Always Come Out. More Than Useless, It Is Treacherous Because It Invariably Weakens What It Is Intended To Strengthen. For Example, Would You Rather Hear The Mincing Shallowness Of "i Love You Very Much" Or The Heart-slamming Intensity Of "i Love You"?

Love You

Writing

Heart

Never Look On The Bright Side. The Glare Is Blinding.

Looks

Sides

Glare

A Woman Must Wait For Her Ovaries To Die Before She Can Get Her Rightful Personality Back. Post-menstrual Is The Same As Pre-menstrual; I Am Once Again What I Was Before The Age Of Twelve: A Female Human Being Who Knows That A Month Has Thirty Day, Not Twenty-five, And Who Can Spend Every One Of Them Free Of The Shackles Of That Defect Of Body And Mind Known As Femininity.

Personality

Waiting

Mind

It's The Government's Job To Print The Money, Deliver The Mail And Declare War. Now Give Me My Cigarettes.

Money

Jobs

War

The Proliferation Of Support Groups Suggests To Me That Too Many Americans Are Growing Up In Homes That Do Not Contain A Grandmoth.

Depression

Growing Up

Home

Because The Theater Lost A Barrymore Every Time A Southerner Decided Not To Go On The Stage, Just About Anything That Comes Out Of A Southern Mouth Is Bound To Be A Ringing Line.

Southern

Goes On

Mouths

The Confidence And Security Of A People Can Be Measured By Their Attitude Toward Laxatives. At The High Noon Of The British Sun, Soldiers In Far-flung Outposts Of The Empire Doctored Themselves With "a Spoonful O' Gunpowder In A Cuppa 'ot Tea." Purveyors And Users Of Harsh Laxatives Were Not Afraid Of Being Thought Mean And Unfriendly Just Because Their Laxatives Were. But In America, The Need To Be Nice Is So Consuming That Nobody Would Dare Take A Laxative That Makes You Run Up The Stairs Two At A Time, Pushing Others Aside And Yelling, "get Out Of The Way!

Running

Attitude

Nice

Misanthropes Have Some Admirable If Paradoxical Virtues. It Is No Exaggeration To Say That We Are Among The Nicest People You Are Likely To Meet. Because Good Manners Build Sturdy Walls, Our Distaste For Intimacy Makes Us Exceedingly Cordial "ships That Pass In The Night." As Long As You Remain A Stranger We Will Be Your Friend Forever.

Friendship

Relationship

Wall

Southerners Have A Genius For Psychological Alchemy...if Something Intolerable Simply Cannot Be Changed, Driven Away Or Shot They Will Not Only Tolerate It But Take Pride In It As Well.

Pride

Genius

Psychological

Randian Heroes Come Off As Metaphors For Jews Because They Are Beset By Irrational Forces That Try To Bar Them From The Professions And Use Their Virtues Against Them To Bring About Their Destruction.

Hero

Atheism

Trying

Keep Dating And You Will Become So Sick, So Badly Crippled, So Deformed, So Emotionally Warped And Mentally Defective That You Will Marry Anybody.

Sick

Dating

Defective

Self-help Books Are Making Life Downright Unsafe. Women Desperate To Catch A Man Practice All The Ploys Recommended By These Authors. Bump Into Him, Trip Over Him, Knock Him Down, Spill Something On Him, Scald Him, But Meet Him.

Life

Book

Men

Families Composed Of Rugged Individualists Have To Do Things Obliquely.

Family

Rugged

Time Has Lost All Meaning In That Nightmare Alley Of The Western World Known As The American Mind. We Wallow In Nostalgia But Manage To Get It All Wrong. True Nostalgia Is An Ephemeral Composition Of Disjointed Memories... But American-style Nostalgia Is About As Ephemeral As Copyrighted D?j? Vu.

Memories

Style

Mind

I've Always Said That Next To Imperial China, The South Is The Best Place In The World To Be An Old Lady.

World

Best Place

During The Feminist Seventies Men Were Caught Between A Rock And A Hard-on; In The Fathering Eighties They Are Caught Between Good Hugs And Bad Hugs.

Men

Rocks

Feminist

We Worship Education But Hate Learning.

Hate

Worship

Animal Rights Activists Gives Disillusioned Feminists An Excuse To Go Back To Being Women Protecting Wee Creatures Without Compromising Their Radical Credentials

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Rights

Giving

Oppressed People Are Treacherous For The Simple Reason That Treachery Is Both A Means Of Survival And A Way To Curry Favor With One's Oppressor.

My Object Is To Live In A Place That Does Not Call Itself 'the Community With A Heart.' I Want One Of Those Godforsaken Towns Where All The Young People Leave And The Rest Sit On The Porch With A Rifle Across Their Knees.

Heart

People

Community

In Mississippi The Important Thing Is Hooch, Not Bar Equipment.

Important

Bars

Equipment

In Social Matters, Pointless Conventions Are Not Merely The Bee Sting Of Etiquette, But The Snake Bite Of Moral Order.

Order

Snakes

Literature

Wit Goes For The Jugular, Not The Jocular, And It's The Opposite Of Football; Instead Of Building Character, It Tears It Down.

Football

Character

Opposites

The Witty Woman Is A Tragic Figure In American Life. Wit Destroys Eroticism And Eroticism Destroys Wit, So Women Must Choose Between Taking Lovers And Taking No Prisoners.

Love

Witty

Figures

Each Time A Mediocre Singer Performs, He Is Saying, In Effect, "this Is Good Enough For You." The Audience, Thrust Into That Familiar American Mood Of Knowing Something Is Wrong But Not Knowing What It Is, Unconsciously Absorbs The Insult And Projects It Back Onto The Mediocre Performer In The Form Of Inattention, Rudeness And Noise.

Knowing

Mediocrity

Singers

In The Last Few Years, Race Relations In America Have Entered Upon A Period Of Intensified Craziness Wherein Fear Of Being Called A Racist Has So Thoroughly Overwhelmed Fear Of Being A Racist That We Are In Danger Of Losing Sight Of The Distinction.

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Sight

Resistance To Team Play Seemed To Pour Like Wet Cement Through My Bones, Displacing Supple Marrow, Until I Was Ballasted With My Own Contempt.

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Play

Groups

Real Feminism Is Spinsterhood.

Real

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I Don't Suffer Fools, And I Like To See Fools Suffer.

Inspirational

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When Women Talk About "privacy" They Mean Abortion Rights, And The Millions Of Words Feminists Have Written About "a Room Of One'sown" Refer To Psychological Space, Rarely To Physical Solitude. For Most Women Being Alone Is Tantamount To Being Deserted.

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Mean

Rights

Insecurity Breeds Treachery: If You Are Kind To People Who Hate Themselves, They Will Hate You As Well.

Hate

People

Insecurity

Democracy Is The Fig Leaf Of Elitism.

Democracy

Leafs

Figs

The Vitamin Has Been Reified. A Chemical Intangible Originally Defined As A Unit Of Nutritive Value, It Was Long Ago Reified Into A Pill. Now It Is A Pill; No One Except A Few Precise Scientists Define It As Anything Else. Once The Vitamin Became A Pill, It Became Real According To The Precepts Of American Cartesianism: I Swallow It, Therefore It Is.

Real

Health

Long Ago

Southerners Are So Devoted To Genealogy That We See A Family Tree Under Every Bush.

Tree

Genealogy

Devoted

A Home Without A Grandmother Is Like An Egg Without Salt.

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Grandmother

Eggs

God May Have Loved The Common People, But A Trip To Any Shopping Mall Suggests That He Made Far Too Many Of Them.

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People

May

If Whisky Or Salt Won't Cure It, Then To Hell With It. I Worry About Important Things.

Worry

Important

Salt

Episcopalians Have Always Preferred The Flying Buttress To The Pillar Of The Church.

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Church

Pillars

There Is Much To Be Said For Post-menopausal Celibacy. Sex Is Rough On Loners Because You Have To Have Somebody Else Around, But Now I Don't. No More Diets To Stay Slim And Desirable: I've Had Sex And I've Had Food, And I'd Rather Eat.

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Slim

In Its Purest Sense, Nicknaming Is An Elitist Ritual Practiced By Those Who Cherish Hierarchy. For Preppies It's A Smoke Signal That Allows Bunny To Tell Pooky That They Belong To The Same Tribe, While Among The Good Old Boys It Serves The Cause Of Masculine Dominance By Identifying Bear And Wrecker As Alpha Males.

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Names

Males

I Have A Professional Acquaintance Whose Recent Eyelid Job Has Left Her With A Permanent Expression Of Such Poleaxed Astonishment That She Looks At All Times As If She Had Just Read One Of My Books.

Jobs

Book

Expression

The Nice Thing About Southerners Is The Way We Enjoy Our Neuroses.

Nice

Neurosis

Way

Learn To Spot And Avoid "writer Groupies." The Writer's Self-sufficiency And Our Love For Our Work Tend To Attract Insecure People Who Never Can Get Enough Love. They Grow Jealous Of Our Work And Come To Regard It As A Rival. These People Can Destroy You, So Kick Them Out Of Your Life Or Don't Admit Them In The First Place.

Jealous

Insecure

Self

There's Something Unrefined About A Reading Woman, They Always Reek Of The Lamp. How Can She Grow Up To Be A Lady If She's Always Got Her Nose In A Book? Granny Rudin

Growing Up

Book

Reading

Showing Up At School Already Able To Read Is Like Showing Up At The Undertaker's Already Embalmed: People Start Worrying About Being Put Out Of Their Jobs.

Education

Jobs

School

American Couples Have Gone To Such Lengths To Avoid The Interference Of In-laws That They Have To Pay Marriage Counselors To Interfere Between Them.

Couple

Law

Gone

The American Way Of Stress Is Comparable To Freud's 'beloved Symptom', His Name For The Cherished Neurosis That A Patient Cultivates Like The Rarest Of Orchids And Does Not Want To Be Cured Of. Stress Makes Americans Feel Busy, Important, And In Demand, And Simultaneously Deprived, Ignored, And Victimized. Stress Makes Them Feel Interesting And Complex Instead Of Boring And Simple, And Carries An Assumption Of Sensitivity Not Unlike The Old World Assumption That Aristocrats Were High-strung. In Short, Stress Has Become A Status Symbol.

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Simple

Orchids

It Takes Only One Child To Raze A Village.

Children

Village

People Are So Busy Dreaming The American Dream, Fantasizing About What They Could Be Or Have A Right To Be, That They're All Asleep At The Switch. Consequently We Are Living In The Age Of Human Error.

Dream

Mistake

Native American

America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Suffer Culture Shock Without Leaving Home.

Country

Home

America

I'm For Prayer In The Schools Because Ritual And Ceremony Are Calming And Civilizing, And The Little Fartlings Should Be Tamped Down Whenever Possible.

Prayer

School

Littles

Americans Respect Talent Only Insofar As It Leads To Fame, And We Reserve Our Most Fervent Admiration For Famous People Who Destroy Their Lives As Well As Their Talent. The Fatal Flaws Of Elvis, Judy, And Marilyn Register Much Higher On Our National Applause Meter Than Their Living Achievements. In Amerca, Talent Is Merely A Tool For Becoming Famous In Life So You Can Become More Famous In Death - Where All Are Equal.

People

Achievement

Becoming

Now The Only Thing I Miss About Sex Is The Cigarette Afterward. Next To The First One In The Morning, It's The Best One Of All. It Tasted So Good That Even If I Had Been Frigid I Would Have Pretended Otherwise Just To Be Able To Smoke It.

Morning

Sex

Cigarette Smoke

Real Feminism Is Spinsterhood. It's Time America Admitted That Old Maids Give All Women A Good Name.

Real

Women

Names

The Apologizer Bunny Keeps Going And Going And Going.

Bunnies

Keep Going

Thank God I'm Over The Hill. The Only Heat I Have Left Comes From Hot Flashes, My Promiscuity Is Confined To The Words "one Size Fits All," And I Buy My White Cotton Unmentionables At Boadicea's Retreat, Not Victoria's Secret. None Of The Things Men Do To Women Could Possibly Happen To Me Now Unless The U.s. Is Invaded By One Of Those New Russian Republics Whose Soldiers Aren't Fussy.

Women

White

Hot Flashes

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged Judgmental.

Judging

Judgmental

Judged

Why Do I Hate People? Who Else Is There To Hate?

Hate

People

I Hate People

Any Discussion Of The Problems Of Being Funny In America Will Not Make Sense Unless We Substitute The Word Wit For Humor. Humor Inspires Sympathetic Good-natured Laughter And Is Favored By The Healing-power Gang. Wit Goes For The Jugular, Not The Jocular, And It's The Opposite Of Football; Instead Of Building Character, It Tears It Down.

Football

Laughter

Healing

Affirmative Action Was Designed Originally For "women And Other Minorities" But The Phrase Has Become Just Another Tortured Euphemism. Female Conscientiousness And Eagerness To Please Have Always Made Women Good Students And Natural Test Takers. Jews Have Gloried In Scholarship Throughout The Ages, And Asians Of Both Sexes Score So High On Sats And Iq Tests That They Regard Affirmative Action As An Impediment. Affirmative Action Really Means Favoritism For Blacks For The Sake Of Racial Peace, But The Favor Is Pure Chimera, And So, Increasingly, Is The Peace.

Sex

Mean

Race

There's No National Glue Holding Us Together Because Somebody Put Too Much Pluribus In The Unum.

Together

Glue

Too Much

Of All The Old Maid's Blessing, The Greatest Is Carte Blanche. Spinsterhood Is Powerful; Once A Woman Is Called "that Crazy Old Maid" She Can Get Away With Anything.

Single

Powerful

Crazy

There Is Nothing Wrong With "women's Studies" That Studying The Right Women Can't Cure, But Feminist Literary Scholars Have A Penchant For Dragging The Rivers Of Deserved Obscurity For Third-rate Neurotics.

Rivers

Feminist

Feminism

I Simply Like Guns Because You Can't Shoot People Without Them.

Gun

People

Hatred

Americans Worship Creativity The Way They Worship Physical Beauty - As A Way Of Enjoying Elitism Without Guilt: God Did It.

Creativity

Ideas

Innovation

We Want A President Who Is As Much Like An American Tourist As Possible. Someone With The Same Goofy Grin, The Same Innocent Intentions, The Same Naive Trust; A President With No Conception Of Foreign Policy And No Discernible Connection To The U.s. Government, Whose Nice Guyism Will Narrow The Gap Between The U.s. And Us Until Nobody Can Tell The Difference.

Nice

Government

Differences

The American Woman's Concept Of Marriage Is A Clearly Etched Picture Of Something Uninflated On The Floor. A Sleeping-bag Withoutair, A Beanbag Without Beans, A Padded Bra Without Pads. To Work On It, You Start Pumping--what The Magazines Call "breathing Life Into Your Marriage." Do Enough Of This And The Marriage Becomes A Kind Of Banquo's Ghost, A Quasi-living Entity.

Marriage

Sleep

Breathing

True Nostalgia Is An Ephemeral Composition Of Disjointed Memories.

Memories

Literature

Ephemeral

The More Immoral We Become In Big Ways, The More Puritanical We Become In Little Ways.

Ignorance

Littles

Way

One Of Life's Intriguing Paradoxes Is That Hierarchical Social Order Makes Cheap Rents And Outré Artists' Colonies Possible. Raffish Bohemian Neighborhoods Flourished In The Days Of Racial Segregation; Under Integration The Artistic Poor Have No Safe Places In Which To Create.... If America Lacks A Vigorous Culture It Is Partly Because Studios And Ateliers Have Become Crack Houses.

Artist

America

Order

To A Southerner It Is Faux Pas, Not Sins, That Matter In This World.

World

Matter

Sin

As The Only Class Distinction Available In A Democracy, The College Degree Has Created A Caste Society As Rigid As Ancient India's. Condemning Elitism And Simultaneously Quaking In Fear That Our Children Won't Become Members Of The Elite, We Send Them To College, Not To Learn, But To "be" College Graduates, Rationalizing Our Snobbery With The Cliché That High Technology Has Eliminated The Need For The Manual Labor That We Secretly Hold In Contempt.

Education

Children

Technology

Writers Who Have Nothing To Say Always Strain For Metaphors To Say It In.

Writing

Metaphor

Strain

The Proliferation Of Support Groups Suggests To Me That Too Many Americans Are Growing Up In Homes That Do Not Contain A Grandmother. A Home Without A Grandmother Is Like An Egg Without Salt.... The Emotionally Satisfying Discussions That Take Place In Chronic Pain Outreach And Depression Resources Are Simply Updated Versions Of The Grandmotherly Practice Of Hanging Crepe. We Could Eliminate Much Of The Isolation That Support Groups Exist To Fill And Save The "traditional Family" That Everybody Is So Worried About If More Couples Took Their Aging Parents To Live With Them.

Growing Up

Couple

Pain

For Men Who Want To Flee Family Man America And Never Come Back, There Is A Guaranteed Solution: Homosexuality Is The New French Foreign Legion.

Men

America

Want

He Travels Fastest Who Travels Alone, And That Goes Double For She. Real Feminism Is Spinsterhood.

Real

Feminism

Double Standard

Golf Is An Exercise In Scottish Pointlessness For People Who Are No Longer Able To Throw Telephone Poles At Each Other.

Exercise

Golf

People

Owning Your Own Home Is America's Unique Recipe For Avoiding Revolution And Promoting Pseudo-equality At The Same Time.

Home

Unique

Equality

If We Define A Misanthrope As 'someone Who Does Not Suffer Fools And Likes To See Fools Suffer,' We Have Described A Person With Something To Look Forward To.

Suffering

Fool

Doe

Owning Your Own Home Is America's Unique Recipe For Avoiding Revolution And Promoting Pseudo-equality At The Same Time. To Keep Citizens Puttering In Their Yards Instead Of Sputtering On The Barricades, The Government Has Gladly Deprived Itself Of Billions In Tax Revenues By Letting Home Owners Deduct Mortgage Interest Payments.

Women

Home

Unique

Gradually My Whole Concept Of Time Changed Until I Thought Of A Month As Having Twenty-five Days Of Humanness And Five Others When I Might Just As Well Have Been An Animal In A Steel Trap.

Animal

Humanness Is

Steel

There Are So Many Different Kinds Of People In America, With So Many Different Boiling Points, That We Don't Know How To Fight With Each Other. The Set Piece That Shapes And Contains Quarrels In Homogeneous Countries Does Not Exist Here. The Frenchman Is An Expert On The Precise Gradations Of Espèce De And The Italian Knows Exactly When To Introduce The Subject Of His Other's Grave, But No American Can Be Sure How Or When Another Will React, So We Zap Each Other With Friendliness To Neutralize Potentially Dangerous Situations.

Country

Fighting

Italian

I Cherish The Review-as-literature; As Lapidary Journalism In The Eighteenth-century Mode, The Last Hard Sparkling Diamond In Theessayists's Tarnished Crown. To Me, Writing A Good Review Is Not Just A Way To Make Extra Money, But A Sacred Duty.

Writing

Crowns

Literature

Spinsterhood Is Nature's Own Feminism.

Feminism

Spinsterhood

Men Are Not Very Good At Loving, But They Are Experts At Admiring And Respecting; The Woman Who Goes After Their Admiration And Respect Will Often Come Out Better Than She Who Goes Out After Their Love.

Respect

Men

Experts

Kings And Queens Might Do Wicked Things, But They Don't Nag. One Thing I Like About Bloody Mary: She Never Said A Word About Lung Cancer.

Kings

Queens

Cancer

When You Go Apartment-hunting In The South, You Encounter Little Old Ladies Who Ask You If You Use Strong Drink. In New York You Encounter Paranoids Who Wonder If You Will Commit Suicide--not That They Care; What They Worry About Is Blood On Their Fresh Paint, A Dubious Smell In The Hallway, Or A Hole In The Awning As You Pass Through On Your Way To The Sidewalk. The Southerner Who Moves To Any Part Of The Country Has Problems, But The Culture Shock That Attacks The Southerner Who Moves North Is Almost Indescribable.

Suicide

Country

Strong

I Don't Mind Being Regarded As Perverted And Unnatural, But I Would Die If People Thought I Was A Democrat.

Party

People

Political

Any Hope That America Would Finally Grow Up Vanished With The Rise Of Fundamentalist Christianity. Fundamentalism, With Its Born-again Regression, Its Pink-and-gold Concept Of Heaven, Its Literal-mindedness, Its Rambunctious Good Cheer... Its Anti-intellectualism... Its Puerile Hymns... And Its Faith-healing... Are Made To Order For King Kid America.

Christian

Kings

Cheer

Updike's Style Is An Exquisite Blend Of Melville And Austen: Reading Him Is Like Cutting Through Whale Blubber With Embroidery Scissors.

Reading

Cutting

Whales

We Worship Education But Hate Learning. We Worship Success But Hate The Successful. We Worship Fame But Hate The Famous.

Hate

Learning

Successful

Recently While Browsing In A Secondhand Bookstore I Bought A Paperback Copy Of The Intellectual And The City, But I Was Unable To Read It. When I Got Home I Discovered That The Original Owner Had Highlighted The Entire Book - Literally. Every Line On Every Page Had Been Drawn Through With A Bright Green Magic Marker. It Was A Terrifying Example Of A Mind That Had Lost All Power Of Discrimination.

Book

Home

Cities

By Sending The Contradictory Message That The Famous Are Just Plain Folks On Mount Olympus, America Has Forged A Relentless Tension Between Loftiness And Accessibility. Stir In The Fact That The Inborn Talent And Intelligence Needed To Achieve Fame Are Immune To Distributive Tinkering By Government Programs And You Have A Definition Of Fame Certain To Produce Envious Rage: Somebody Screwed Democracy.

Equality

America

Government

Chinks In America's Egalitarian Armor Are Not Hard To Find. Democracy Is The Fig Leaf Of Elitism.

Women

Egalitarianism

America

Familiarity Doesn't Breed Contempt, It Is Contempt.

Contempt

Familiarity

The Joker In The Deck Of Lesbian Fidelity Is Female Vanity: No Woman Of Fifty Is Going To Undress In Front Of A Woman Of Twenty No Matter How Much She Might Lust For Her.

Vanity

Lust

Twenties

America Is Not A Democracy, It's An Absolute Monarchy Ruled By King Kid. In A Nation Of Immigrants, The Child Is Automatically More Of An American Than His Parents. Americans Regard Children As What Mr. Hudson In Upstairs, Downstairs Called Betters. Aping Their Betters, American Adults Do Their Best To Turn Themselves Into Children. Puerility Exercises Droit De Seigneur Everywhere.

Kings

Children

Kids

Agoraphobia Was My Quirky Armor Against A Gregarious America.

America

Quirky

Armor

Understanding Quotes: Their Essence and Application

Quotes, or quotations, are powerful tools in communication, encapsulating ideas, emotions, and wisdom in concise expressions. They serve various purposes across different contexts, from academic writing to everyday conversation.

1. Defining Quotes

A quote is a repetition of someone else's statement or thoughts. It can be a direct replication of words spoken or written by another individual, often used to support arguments, provide evidence, or convey profound insights.

2. The Importance of Quotes

2.1. Enhancing Credibility

Incorporating quotes from authoritative sources can bolster the credibility of your work. By referencing experts or primary sources, you demonstrate thorough research and a solid foundation for your arguments.

2.2. Providing Evidence

Quotes serve as concrete evidence to support claims. In academic and professional writing, they validate points made, offering readers a basis to trust the information presented.

2.3. Conveying Emotions and Perspectives

Quotes can encapsulate emotions and perspectives succinctly. They allow writers to express complex feelings or viewpoints through the words of others, often more eloquently than paraphrasing.

3. Types of Quotes

3.1. Direct Quotes

Direct quotes involve copying the exact words from a source, enclosed in quotation marks. They are used when the original wording is significant or particularly well-expressed.

3.2. Indirect Quotes (Paraphrasing)

Indirect quotes restate the original message in your own words. While not enclosed in quotation marks, they still require proper attribution to the original source.

3.3. Block Quotes

Block quotes are lengthy direct quotations, formatted as a separate block of text. They are typically used for quotes exceeding a certain length, varying by citation style. For instance, in APA style, quotes longer than 40 words are formatted as block quotes.

4. Proper Usage of Quotes

4.1. Contextual Relevance

Ensure that the quote you choose is relevant to the topic and adds value to your content. Avoid inserting quotes solely for decorative purposes.

4.2. Integration into Your Writing

Seamlessly integrate quotes into your writing. Introduce them appropriately and follow up with analysis or commentary to connect them to your main points.

4.3. Attribution and Citation

Always attribute quotes to their original authors and provide proper citations according to the required style guide (APA, MLA, Chicago, etc.).

5. Common Mistakes to Avoid

5.1. Overusing Quotes

Relying too heavily on quotes can overshadow your voice. Use them sparingly to support your arguments, not replace them.

5.2. Lack of Analysis

Presenting a quote without analysis or explanation can leave readers questioning its relevance. Always follow up with your interpretation or discussion.

5.3. Misquoting or Taking Out of Context

Ensure that quotes are accurate and not taken out of context, as this can mislead readers and undermine your credibility.

6. Quotes in Different Contexts

6.1. Academic Writing

In academic writing, quotes are used to support arguments, provide evidence, and engage with existing literature. Proper citation is crucial to avoid plagiarism.

6.2. Journalism

Journalists use quotes to provide firsthand accounts, add authenticity, and present multiple perspectives within a story.

6.3. Literature and Creative Writing

In literature, quotes can be used to convey character voices, themes, and stylistic elements. They enrich narratives and provide depth to storytelling.

7. Punctuation and Formatting

Understanding the correct punctuation and formatting of quotes is essential:

Quotation Marks: Always enclose direct quotes within quotation marks.

Punctuation Placement: In American English, periods and commas are placed inside quotation marks, while colons and semicolons are placed outside.

Block Quotes: For longer quotes, format them as block quotes without quotation marks, and indent the entire block.

8. Ethical Considerations

Ethical use of quotes involves accurate representation, proper attribution, and respect for intellectual property. Misuse can lead to plagiarism, which carries serious academic and professional consequences.

9. Tools for Managing Quotes

Utilize tools like citation generators and plagiarism checkers to manage quotes effectively. These tools help ensure proper formatting and originality in your writing.

Conclusion

Quotes are invaluable in enriching content, providing evidence, and conveying complex ideas succinctly. When used appropriately, they enhance the quality and credibility of your writing. Always ensure relevance, proper integration, and ethical usage to maximize their impact.

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