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Dear Designer Of Questionable Intent, Please Send Me A Photo Of Yourself. Please Be Wearing The Knitted Pants That You Designed. It's Not That I Don't Believe That There Is Anyone Out There Thing Enough To Wear Horizontally Stripped Trousers Knit From Chunky Wool, It's Just That I Would Like To Know Whether You Are Deliberately Cruel Or Whether You Are The One Woman These Would Look Really Great On.

-Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

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Dear Designer Of Questionable

Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

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Dear Designer Of Questionable Intent, Please Send Me A Photo Of Yourself. Please Be Wearing The Knitted Pants That You Designed. It's Not That I Don't Believe That There Is Anyone Out There Thing Enough To Wear Horizontally Stripped Trousers Knit From Chunky Wool, It's Just That I Would Like To Know Whether You Are Deliberately Cruel Or Whether You Are The One Woman These Would Look Really Great On.

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With Great Effort Comes Great Gratification.

Knitters Just Can't Watch Tv Without Doing Something Else. Knitters Just Can't Wait In Line, Knitters Just Can't Sit Waiting At The Doctor's Office. Knitters Need Knitting To Add A Layer Of Interest In Other, Less Constructive Ways.

Everybody Tells Me That They Would Love To Knit, But They Don't Have Time. I Look At People's Lives And I Can See Opportunity And Time For Knitting All Over The Place. The Time Spent Riding The Bus Each Day? That's A Pair Of Socks Over A Month. Waiting In Line? Mittens. Watching Tv? Buckets Of Wasted Time That Could Be An Exquisite Lace Shawl.

Waiting In Line

Sable- A Common Knitting Acronym That Stands For Stash Acquisition Beyond Life Expectancy.

I Will Always Buy Extra Yarn. I Will Not Try To Tempt Fate.

It Is Some Kind Of Miracle That All Knitting Is Constructed Of Only Two Stitches: Knit And Purl. Sure, You Throw In Some Yarn Overs, And Sometimes You Knit The Stitches Out Of Order, But When It Really Comes Down To It, Knitting Is Simplicity. The Most Incredible Gossamer Lace Shawl ... The Trickiest Aran ... A Humble Sock ... Each Just Made With Knit And Purl.

A Plain Sock By Itself Is Terribly Boring, But It Could Score Points By Having A Clever Stitch Pattern, Or Maybe By Being Made Out Of A Very Beautiful Yarn That's An Enchantment To Work With. (sadly, It Is Still Infuriatingly True That Being Beautiful Without Being Clever Is Almost Worth More Points Than Being Clever Without Being Beautiful, But Such Are The Rules Of Life And Knitting-they Are Cruel, But There Anyway).

It Turns Out I Will Buy Any Yarn, Even Yarn I Will Never Use, If The Store Discounts It By More Than 50 Percent.

I Will Resist The Urge To Underestimate The Complexity Of Knitting.

Hat Head Is A Sad Affliction Wherein The Chosen Hat And The Selected Hairstyle Are Grossly Incompatible. The Unfortunate Combination Results In A Condition That Can Be Hidden Only With The Application Of Another Hat.

When People See Me Knitting, I Tell Them I'm A Knitter. Not The Sort Of Knitter They May Have Run Into Before, But A Passionate, Constant, Deliberate Knitter. I Knit Everyday, All The Time, Everywhere I Go.

When You Are Knitting Socks And Sweaters And Scarves, You Aren't Just Knitting. You Are Assigning A Value To Human Effort. You Are Holding Back Time. You Are Preserving The Simple Unchanging Act Of Handwork.

There Is Practically No Activity That Cannot Be Enhanced Or Replaced By Knitting, If You Really Want To Get Obsessive About It.

You Know You Knit Too Much When ... You Will Check Out A Book From The Library Just Because You Heard That One Of The Characters Knits.

There Is No Wrong Way To Knit. ... We Should All Agree To Stop Correcting Each Other And Deal With The More Important Issue. How Wrong Crochet Is.

The Chances Of Running Out Of Yarn On A Project Are Directly Related To The Difficulty That You Will Have Getting More.

...the Number One Reason Knitters Knit Is Because They Are So Smart That They Need Knitting To Make Boring Things Interesting.

It Took Me Years And Years Of Trial Efforts To Work Out That There Is Absolutely No Knitting Triumph I Can Achieve That My Husband Will Think Is Worth Being Woken Up For.

It Is A Peculiarity Of Knitters That They Chronically Underestimate The Amount Of Time It Takes To Knit Something. Birthday On Saturday? No Problem. Socks Are Small. Never Mind That The Average Sock Knit Out Of Sock-weight Yarn Contains About 17,000 Stitches. Never Mind That You Need Two Of Them. (that's 34,000 Stitches, For Anybody Keeping Track.) Socks Are Only Physically Small. By Stitch Count, They Are Immense.

You Know You Knit Too Much When ... You Take Knitting To A Wedding, In Case There's A Little Time Before The Bride Comes Down The Aisle. Double Points If You Are The Bride.

It Is Important For Knitters To Know Two Things About Frogging: That Cats Are Capable Of This Knitting Action, And Even Seem To Enjoy It And Seek Opportunities To Do It; And That Foul Language Is A Normal, Healthy Accompaniment To Frogging, Whether It Is You Or The Cat That Accomplished The Task.

I Explain At The Parties That I Believe Knitting Is A Transformative And Intriguing Act That Can Change The Life And Brain Of The Person Doing It, And That Knitting Is A Perfect Metaphor For Life And Insight Into Some Better Ways Through It.

I Will Continue To Freak Out My Children By Knitting In Public. It's Good For Them.

Just Because Something Is Fun Doesn't Mean It's A Waste Of Time.

The First Time You Find Yourself Having A Conversation About Moss Stitch With A Group Of People Who Aren't Desperately Trying To Escape You ... It's Like Coming Home.

As Usual, The Sock Yarns Have No Idea What Is Going On.

You Know You Knit Too Much When ... Before You Buy Anything, Such As A Hammock Or Curtains, You Seriously Wonder Whether You Could Knit It.

The Twitch Above My Right Eye Will Disappear With Knitting Practice.

Sweaters Need To Be Imagined, Dreamed Over.

Knitters Use Knitting To Value-add To The World.

I Do Know That There Isn't Ever Going To Be A Time When There Aren't Any Knitters.

...the Number One Reason Knitters Knit Is Because They Are So Smart That They Need Knitting To Make Boring Things Interesting. Knitters Are So Compellingly Clever That They Simply Can't Tolerate Boredom. It Takes More To Engage And Entertain This Kind Of Human, And They Need An Outlet Or They Get Into Trouble. "...knitters Just Can't Watch Tv Without Doing Something Else. Knitters Just Can't Wait In Line, Knitters Just Can't Sit Waiting At The Doctor's Office. Knitters Need Knitting To Add A Layer Of Interest In Other, Less Constructive Ways.

A Half Finished Shawl Left On The Coffee Table Isn't A Mess; It's An Object Of Art.

The Only Difference Between An Experienced Knitter And New Knitter Is That The Experienced Knitter Makes Bigger Mistakes Faster. Be Bold; There Are No Terrible Consequences In Knitting.

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The Rules Of Canadian Engagement Say That If We Encounter A Celebrity, We Have To Pretend We're Not Encountering A Celebrity.

It Is A Little Known Fact That Much Like Birds, Who Can Always Find North, Knitters Can Always Find Yarn.

Achieving The State Of Sable Is Not, As Many People Who Live With These Knitters Believe, A Reason To Stop Buying Yarn, But For The Knitter It Is An Indication To Write A Will, Bequeathing The Stash To An Appropriate Heir.

Knitting Is A Boon For Those Of Us Who Are Easily Bored. I Take My Knitting Everywhere To Take The Edge Off Of Moments That Would Otherwise Drive Me Stark Raving Mad.

It's Only Knitting And It's One Of The Few Times In Your Life When There Are No Bad Consequences To A Mistake.

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The Essay Is One Of My Favourite Forms Of Writing, And I Feel Like What's Inside Is Really Personal, More So Than With Shorter Pieces.

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Dear Designer Of Questionable Intent, Please Send Me A Photo Of Yourself. Please Be Wearing The Knitted Pants That You Designed. It's Not That I Don't Believe That There Is Anyone Out There Thing Enough To Wear Horizontally Stripped Trousers Knit From Chunky Wool, It's Just That I Would Like To Know Whether You Are Deliberately Cruel Or Whether You Are The One Woman These Would Look Really Great On.

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