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A Vacation Is Like Love - Anticipated With Pleasure, Experienced With Discomfort, And Remembered With Nostalgia.

-Evan Esar

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A Vacation Is Like

Evan Esar

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A Vacation Is Like Love - Anticipated With Pleasure, Experienced With Discomfort, And Remembered With Nostalgia.

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A Compromise Is A Settlement By Which Each Side Gets What Neither Side Wanted.

The Car Was Invented As A Convenient Place To Sit Out Traffic Jams

A Husband May Forget Where He Went On His Honeymoon, But He Never Forgets Why.

Conscience Gets A Lot Of Credit That Really Belongs To Cowardice.

Under Dictatorship, The People In Prison Are Always Superior To The People Who Put Them There.

Some Women Get Divorces On The Grounds Of Incompatibility; Others, On Just The First Two Syllables.

Somebody Is Always Doing Something That Somebody Else Said Couldn't Be Done.

Washington Is The Place Where Nobody Believes A Rumor Until It Has Been Officially Denied.

You Can't Judge The Ability Of A Doctor By The Amount Of Praise The Undertakers Give Him.

A Lazy Man's Wife Is Generally The Power Behind The Drone.

The Only Place Where You Can Find Equality Is In The Cemetery.

A Corporation Has All The Powers And Privileges Of An Individual: All It Lacks Is A Conscience.

[statistics] Fiction In Its Most Uninteresting Form.

Think Twice Before You Speak, And Then You May Be Able To Say Something More Insulting Than If You Spoke Right Out At Once.

The State Of The Union Largely Depends On The State Of The Unions.

Children Grow Out Of Childhood, But Parents Never Grow Out Of Parenthood.

It's Surprising How Much Wisdom Every Man Possesses -- If Not For His Own Affairs, Then For The Affairs Of Others.

Housework Is What A Woman Does That Nobody Notices Unless She Hasn't Done It.

Divorce Is The Key That Opens The Strongbox Where The Bonds Of Matrimony Are Kept Under Wedlock.

The Difference Between Two Men Is Usually A Woman.

Age Brings Wisdom To Some Men, And To Others Chess.

This May Be The Age Of Automation, But Love Is Still Being Made By Hand.

You Can Tell A Man's Taste In Literature By His Judgment In Knowing What Not To Read.

The Survival Of The Fittest Is Going To Make Some Man Very Lonesome Some Day.

The Only Medicine That Needs No Prescription, Has No Unpleasant Taste, And Costs No Money Is Laughter.

Congress Would Give The People What They Wanted If The People Knew What They Wanted, And If Congress Could Give It To Them.

A Man Is Known By The Company He Keeps, But A Woman Is Known By The Company She Keeps Waiting.

Definition Of A Statistician: A Man Who Believes Figures Don't Lie, But Admits Than Under Analysis Some Of Them Won't Stand Up Either.

America Believes In Education: The Average Professor Earns More Money In A Year Than A Professional Athlete Earns In A Whole Week.

If You Want To Be Successful, You Must Either Have A Chance Or Take One.

Many A Man Works Himself To Death By Burying Himself In His Work.

A Vacation Is Like Love - Anticipated With Pleasure, Experienced With Discomfort, And Remembered With Nostalgia.

Formerly When A Man Worked Ten Hours A Day, It Was Called Economic Slavery; Nowadays It Is Called Moonlighting.

Public Speaking Is The Art Of Diluting A Two-minute Idea With A Two-hour Vocabulary.

Conceit Is A Disease That The Doctors Got No Cure They've Done A Lot Of Research On It But What It Is, They're Still Not Sure.

Etymology: From Latin Ad-, "to" + Visum, Past Participle Of Videre, "to See". Advice Is What You Get From Your Parents When You Are Growing Up, And From Your Children When You Are Growing Old.

The Word Impossible Is Peculiar Because If You Examine It Closely, You'll Find That Most Of It Is Possible.

An Instrument That Sometimes Expresses Thought, Sometimes Obscures Thought, But Most Often Replaces Thought.

Definition Of Statistics: The Science Of Producing Unreliable Facts From Reliable Figures.

Some Members Of Congress Ought To Have Their Mouths Taped Instead Of Their Speeches.

A Credit Card Is A Convenient Device That Saves You The Trouble Of Counting Your Change.

A Dictator's Chief Problem Is Keeping The Stomachs Of His Subjects Full While Keeping Their Heads Empty.

Women Diet To Retain Their Girlish Figures Or Their Boyish Husbands.

Egocentricity: The Vanity That Makes You Wonder What People Are Thinking About You When They Are Really Wondering What You Are Thinking About Them.

Thinking About You

The Best Time To Give Advice To Your Children Is While They're Still Young Enough To Believe You Know What You're Talking About.

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Conscience Is What Makes A Boy Tell His Mother Before His Sister Does.

A Signature Always Reveals A Man's Character - And Sometimes Even His Name.

The Most Popular Form Of Altruism Is Giving To Others The Advice You Cannot Use Yourself.

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Bureaucracy Is More People Doing Less Things, And Taking More Time To Do Them Worse.

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[statistics] The Science That Can Prove Everything Except The Usefulness Of Statistics.

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