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A Man Spends The First Half Of His Life Learning Habits That Shorten The Other Half.

-Ann Landers

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A Man Spends The

Ann Landers

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A Man Spends The First Half Of His Life Learning Habits That Shorten The Other Half.

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Grown-up People Can Wait.

It Is A Mark Of A Superior Mind To Be Able To Disagree Without Being Disagreeable.

One Out Of Four People In This Country Is Mentally Unbalanced. Think Of Your Three Closest Friends; If They Seem Ok, Then You're The One.

People Have One Year After The Wedding To Send A Gift. Thank-you Notes Must Be Written Immediately. If You Don't Receive An Acknowledgment Within Three Months, Phone And Ask If It Was Received. If The Bride And Groom Are Embarrassed, Fine. They Deserve To Be.

Hanging Onto Resentment Is Letting Someone You Despise Live Rent-free In Your Head.

Experience, They Say, Is The Best Teacher, But We Get The Grade First And The Lesson Later.

Maturity Is The Ability To Make A Decision And Stand By It. Immature People Spend Their Lives Exploring Endless Possibilities And Then Doing Nothing. Action Requires Courage. Without Courage, Little Is Accomplished.

Opportunities Are Usually Disguised As Hard Work, So Most People Don't Recognize Them.

I Was Naive, But I Certainly Was Not Duplicitous.

Find Comfort In The Knowledge That No Imitator Ever Comes Off As Well As The Original.

Television Has Proved That People Will Look At Anything Rather Than Each Other.

Friends With Benefits? More Than Friends? Don't Sample The Goodies Unless You're Willing To Risk Addiction And Withdrawal.

Children Have An Uncanny Way Of Living Up - Or Down - To What Is Expected Of Them.

At Age 20, We Worry About What Others Think Of Us. At Age 40, We Don't Care What They Think Of Us. At Age 60, We Discover They Haven't Been Thinking Of Us At All.

Don't Indulge In Gossip. ... People Who Throw Mudballs Always Manage To End Up Getting A Little On Themselves.

One Trouble With Trouble Is That It Usually Starts Out Like Fun.

Class Never Tries To Build Itself Up By Tearing Others Down. Class Is Already Up And Need Not Strive To Look Better By Making Others Look Worse.

People, Like Water, Seek Their Own Level.

The Poor Wish To Be Rich, The Rich Wish To Be Happy, The Single Wish To Be Married, And The Married Wish To Be Dead.

Funny Inspirational

Funny Valentines Day

Love Is Friendship That Has Caught Fire. ... Love Is Content With The Present, It Hopes For The Future, And It Doesn't Brood Over The Past. It's The Day-in And Day-out Chronicle Of Irritations, Problems, Compromises, Small Disappointments, Big Victories And Working Toward Common Goals. If You Have Love In Your Life It Can Make Up For A Great Many Things You Lack. If You Don't Have It, No Matter What Else There Is, It's Not Enough.

Bragging Is Not An Attractive Trait, But Let's Be Honest. A Man Who Catches A Big Fish Doesn't Go Home Through An Alley.

I Made Up My Mind When I Was 15 Years Old That I Would Never Smoke Or Drink. I Have Kept That Pledge To Myself, And It Was One Of The Smartest Decisions I Ever Made.

The Real Question Is Why Are Millions Of People So Unhappy, So Bored, So Unfulfilled, That They Are Willing To Drink, Snort, Inject Or Inhale Any Substance That Might Blot Out Reality And Give Them A Bit Of Temporary Relief.

I Advise Keeping Four Feet On The Floor And All Hands On Deck.

Women's Magazines Continue To Print 'helpful' Articles On How To Hang On To Your Husband While Thousands Of Wives Write To Me And Complain That 'hanging Is Too Good For 'em.

Maturity Isn't A Product Of Growing Older. It's A Product Of Growing Wiser.

No One Knows What A Marriage Is Like Except The Two People In It - And Sometimes One Of Them Doesn't Know.

Class Is An Aura Of Confidence That Is Being Sure Without Being Cocky. Class Has Nothing To Do With Money. Class Never Runs Scared. It Is Self-discipline And Self-knowledge. It's The Sure-footedness That Comes With Having Proved You Can Meet Life.

Maturity Is The Art Of Living In Peace With That Which Cannot Be Changed, The Courage To Change That Which Should Be Changed, No Matter What It Takes, And The Wisdom To Know The Difference.

Blessed Are They Who Hold Lively Conversations With The Helplessly Mute, For They Shall Be Called Dentists.

More Divorces Start In The Bedroom Than In Any Other Room In The House.

The Best Way To Find Something You Have Lost Is To Buy A Replacement.

No Person Ever Died By Drowning In Their Own Sweat.

A Man Spends The First Half Of His Life Learning Habits That Shorten The Other Half.

There Could Be No Honor In A Sure Success, But Much Might Be Wrested From A Sure Defeat.

Congratulations

Some Women Have The Best Husbands. Others Make The Best Of The Husbands They Have.

Trouble Is Not A Sign Of Inadequacy, Stupidity Or Inferiority, But Rather An Inescapable Part Of Life - Proof That You Are A Card-carrying Member Of The Human Race.

People Who Care About Each Other Enjoy Doing Things For One Another. They Don't Consider It Servitude.

Don't Give Up. Keep Going. There Is Always A Chance That You Stumble Onto Something Terrific. I Have Never Heard Of Anyone Stumbling Over Anything While He Was Sitting Down

No One Has The Right To Destroy Another Person's Belief By Demanding Empirical Evidence.

Empirical Evidence

Maintaining Self-respect In The Face Of A Devastating Experience Is Of Prime Importance.

A Happy Marriage Has The Tranquility Of A Lovely Sunset.

I Don't Believe That You Have To Be A Cow To Know What Milk Is.

It Means Being Able To Resist The Urge For Immediate Gratification And Opt For The Course Of Action That Will Pay Off Later.

Sensual Pleasures Have The Fleeting Brilliance Of A Comet; A Happy Marriage Has The Tranquillity Of A Lovely Sunset.

You're All You've Got.

When Life's Problems Seem Overwhelming, Look Around And See What Other People Are Coping With. You May Consider Yourself Fortunate.

A Person Doesn't Know How Much He Has To Be Thankful For Until He Has To Pay Taxes On It.

If Criticism Is Needed, Do It Tactfully. Don't Use A Sledgehammer When A Fly Swatter Will Do The Job.

When A Person Begins To Yell During An Argument, It Is A Tip-off That He Is Unsure Of Himself.

Remember, It Takes Two To Make An Argument. The One Who Is Wrong Is The One Who Will Be Doing Most Of The Talking.

If You Want To Catch Trout, Don't Fish In A Herring Barrel.

If You Marry A Man Who Cheats On His Wife, You'll Be Married To A Man Who Cheats On His Wife.

In Recent Years, There Have Been Reports Of People With Twisted Minds Putting Razor Blades And Poison In Taffy Apples And Halloween Candy. It Is No Longer Safe To Let Your Child Eat Treats That Come From Strangers.

If At First You Do Succeed, Try Something Harder.

Women Who Are Devoted To Causes, Such As Overpopulation And The Underprivileged [sic], Are Much Less Interested In Fashion Than, Let's Say, Those Who Lunch At La Grenouille And Le Cirque.

Some People Take Pleasure In Regaling One And All With Details Of Their Poor Health. They Are Happy To Give An Organ Recital To Anyone Who Will Listen.

All Married Couples Should Learn The Art Of Battle As They Should Learn The Art Of Making Love. Good Battle Is Objective And Honest - Never Vicious Or Cruel. Good Battle Is Healthy And Constructive, And Brings To A Marriage The Principles Of Equal Partnership.

Nobody Ever Drowned In His Own Sweat.

Church Is Not A Museum For Saints, But Rather A Hospital For Sinners.

Expect Trouble As An Inevitable Part Of Life And When It Comes, Hold Your Head High, Look It Squarely In The Eye And Say “i Will Be Bigger Than You. You Cannot Defeat Me.” Then Repeat To Yourself The Most Comforting Of All Words , “this Too Shall Pass.”

People Of Integrity Expect To Be Believed. They Also Know Time Will Prove Them Right And Are Willing To Wait.

No Person Who Can Read Is Ever Successful At Cleaning Out An Attic.

Love Is Friendship That Has Caught Fire . . .

Most Of Us Would Be Willing To Pay As We Go If We Could Just Finish Paying For Where We've Been.

No One Can Take Advantage Of You Without Your Permission.

Wake Up And Smell The Coffee.

Strong Role Models And Unconditional Love Can Heal Even The Most Emotionally Impoverished Person, And That Goes For Adults As Well As Youngsters.

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Anyone Who Believes The Competitive Spirit In America Is Dead Has Never Been In A Supermarket When The Cashier Opens Another Check-out Line.

The Adult Who Is Constantly Changing Friends And Changing Mates Is Immature. He/she Cannot Stick It Out Because He/she Has Not Grown Up.

Let This Coming Year Be Better Than All The Others. Vow To Do Some Of The Things You've Always Wanted To Do But Couldn't Find The Time.

What The Majority Of American Children Needs Is To Stop Being Pampered, Stop Being Indulged, Stop Being Chauffeured, Stop Being Catered To. In The Final Analysis, It Is Not What You Do For You Children But What You Have Taught Them To Do For Themselves That Will Make Them Successful Human Beings.

If You Have Love In Your Life, It Can Make Up For A Great Many Things That Are Missing. If You Don't Have Love In Your Life, No Matter What Else There Is, It's Not Enough.

The Lord Gave Us Two Ends - One To Sit On And The Other To Think With. Success Depends On Which One We Use The Most.

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Maturity Is The Ability To Harness Your Abilities And Your Energies And Do More Than Is Expected. The Mature Person Refuses To Settle For Mediocrity. He/she Would Rather Aim High And Miss The Mark Than Low-and Make It.

Assume Nothing. Inside Every Dumb Blond There May Be A Very Smart Brunette.

All Marriages Are Happy, It's Living Together Afterward That's Tough.

Maturity: Be Able To Stick With A Job Until It Is Finished. Be Able To Bear An Injustice Without Having To Get Even. Be Able To Carry Money Without Spending It. Do Your Duty Without Being Supervised.

A Cigarette Is A Roll Of Paper, Tobacco, And Drugs, With A Small Fire On One End And A Large Fool At The Other. Some Of Its Chief Benefits Are Cancer Of The Lips And Stomach, Softening Of The Brain, Funeral Procesions, And Families Shrouded In Gloom And Grief. Although A Great Many People Know This, They Still Smoke In Order To Appear Sophisticated.

Parents Do Not Owe Their Progeny An Inheritance No Matter How Much Money They Have. One Of The Surest Ways To Produce Loafers And Freeloaders Is To Let Children Know That Their Future Is Assured.

Tv Has Had A Stronger Impact On Our Society Than Any Single Invention Since The Automobile. It Has Put The Dead Hand On Conversation.

Being Interested Is More Important Than Being Interesting.

Imagine You Had A Bank That Each Morning Credited Your Account With $1,440 - With One Condition: Whatever Part Of The $1,440 You Failed To Use During The Day Would Be Erased From Your Account, And No Balance Would Be Carried Over. What Would You Do? You'd Draw Out Every Cent Every Day And Use It To Your Best Advantage. Well, You Do Have Such A Bank, And Its Name Is Time. Every Morning, This Bank Credits You With 1,440 Minutes. And It Writes Off As Forever Lost Whatever Portion You Have Failed To Invest To Good Purpose.

Pity The Poor Millionaire. He'll Never Know The Thrill Of Paying That Final Installment.

Expect Trouble As An Inevitable Part Of Life, And When It Comes, Hold Your Head High, Look It Quarely In The Eye And Say, 'i Will Be Bigger Than You. You Cannot Defeat Me.

Some Men Have No Idea How To Romance A Woman. However, Women Who Teach Their Husbands What They Like Will Be Well-rewarded.

Some Things Get Better With Age, But After A Certain Point, The Mind Isn't Among Them.

Maturity Is Many Things. It Is The Ability To Base A Judgment On The Big Picture, The Long Haul.

Make Somebody Happy Today, And Mind Your Own Business

Mind Your Own Business

Never Let An Opportunity Pass To Give A Well-deserved Compliment.

Maturity Is The Ability To Live In Peace With That Which We Cannot Change.

Let This Coming Year Be Better Than All The Others. Vow To Do Some Of The Things You Have Always Wanted To Do But Could Not Find The Time. Call Up A Forgotten Friend. Drop An Old Grudge, And Replace It With Some Pleasant Memories. Vow Not To Make A Promise You Do Not Think You Can Keep. Walk Tall, And Smile More. You Will Look 10 Years Younger. Do Not Be Afraid To Say, I Love You. Say It Again. They Are The Sweetest Words In The World.

You Need That Guy Like A Giraffe Needs Strep Throat.

Know When To Tune Out, If You Listen To Too Much Advice You May Wind Up Making Other Peoples Mistakes.

If You Have A Good Name, If You Are Right More Often Than You Are Wrong, If Your Children Respect You, If Your Grandchildren Are Glad To See You, If Your Friends Can Count On You And You Can Count On Them In Time Of Trouble, If You Can Face Your God And Say "i Have Done My Best," Then You Are A Success.

We Need Not Fear Life, Because God Is The Ruler Of All And We Need Not Fear Death, Because He Shares Immortality With Us.

Inside Every Seventy-year-old Is A Thirty-five-year-old Asking, 'what Happened?

Nobody Gets To Live Life Backward. Look Ahead; That Is Where Your Future Lies. Opportunities Are Usually Disguised As Hard Work, So Most People Don't Recognize Them. People Who Care About Each Other Enjoy Doing Things For One Another. There Are Really Only Three Types Of People: Those Who Make Things Happen, Those Who Watch Things Happen, And Those Who Say, What Happened?

Maturity Is Humility. It Is Being Big Enough To Say, "i Was Wrong." And, When He/she Is Right, The Mature Person Need Not Experience The Satisfaction Of Saying, "i Told You So."

Problems Are Inevitable. Misery Is A Choice.

The Naked Truth Is Always Better Than The Best-dressed Lie.

Are You Better Off With Him Or Without Him?

A Successful Marriage Is Not A Gift; It Is An Achievement.

Successful Marriage

Life Is Rough For Everyone....life Isn't Always Fair. Whatever It Is That Hits The Fan, Its Never Evenly Distributed - Some Always Tend To Get More Of It Than Others.

Marriage Is Not A Reform School.

People Who Drink To Drown Their Sorrow Should Be Told That Sorrow Knows How To Swim.

Bragging May Not Bring Happiness, But No Man Having Caught A Large Fish Goes Home Through An Alley.

Keep Skid Chains On Your Tongue. Say Less Than You Think. Cultivate A Pleasant Voice. How You Say It Is Often More Important Than What You Say.

Some People Believe Holding On And Hanging In There Are Signs Of Great Strength. However, There Are Times When It Takes Much More Strength To Know When To Let Go And Then Do It.

All Married Couples Should Learn The Art Of Battle As They Should Learn The Art Of Making Love.

Many People Know The Price Of Everything And The Value Of Nothing

Maturity Is Perseverance-the Ability To Sweat Out A Project Or A Situation, In Spite Of Heavy Opposition And Discouraging Setbacks, And Stick With It Until It Is Finished.

Warmth, Kindness, And Friendship Are The Most Yearned For Commodities In The World. The Person Who Can Provide Them Will Never Be Lonely.

Class Is Considerate Of Others. It Knows That Good Manners Is Nothing More Than A Series Of Petty Sacrifices.

The Minute More Than Two People Know A Secret, It Is No Longer A Secret.

One Of The Best Ways To Measure People Is How They Behave When Something Free Is Offered.

One Of The Characteristics Of The Young Is "i Want It Now."

Characteristics

In The End, It's Not What You Do For Your Children But What You've Taught Them To Do For Themselves.

An Open Marriage Is Nature's Way Of Telling You That You Need A Divorce.

Class Can 'walk With Kings And Keep Its Virtue And Talk With Crowds And Keep The Common Touch.' Everyone Is Comfortable With The Person Who Has Class Because That Person Is Comfortable With Himself.

Guilt Is A Pollutant And We Don't Need Any More Of It In The World.

If You Want Your Children To Listen, Try Talking Softly - To Someone Else.

Love Is Content With The Present, It Hopes For The Future And It Doesn't Brood Over The Past.

Hope For The Future

A Husband Is A Man Who Wishes He Had As Much Fun When He Goes On Business Trips As His Wife Thinks He Does.

Maturity Is The Ability To Control Anger And Settle Differences Without Violence Or Destruction. The Mature Person Can Face Unpleasantness, Frustration, Discomfort And Defeat Without Collapsing Or Complaining. He/she Knows He Cannot Have Everything His/her Own Way Every Time. He/she Is Able To Defer To Circumstances, To Other People-and To Time. He/she Knows When To Compromise And Is Not Too Proud To Do So.

Know Yourself. Don't Accept Your Dog's Admiration As Conclusive Evidence That You Are Wonderful.

The Trouble With Talking Too Fast Is You May Say Something You Haven't Thought Of Yet.

Rose-colored Glasses Are Never Made In Bifocals. Nobody Wants To Read The Small Print In Dreams.

Love Is Friendship That Has Caught Fire. It Is Quiet Understanding, Mutual Confidence, Sharing And Forgiving. It Is Loyalty Through Good And Bad Times. It Settles For Less Than Perfection And Makes Allowances For Human Weaknesses.

At Every Party There Are Two Kinds Of People - Those Who Want To Go Home And Those Who Don't. The Trouble Is, They Are Usually Married To Each Other.

Nobody Gets To Live Life Backward. Look Ahead, That Is Where Your Future Lies.

What We Steadily, Consciously, Habitually Think We Are, That We Tend To Become.

Class Is The Sure-footedness That Comes With Having Proved You Can Meet Life.

Nobody Says You Must Laugh, But A Sense Of Humor Can Help You Overlook The Unattractive, Tolerate The Unpleasant, Cope With The Unexpected, And Smile Through The Day.

My Personal Recipe For Success Is- Do What You Love And Don't Look At The Clock.

The Real Trick Is To Stay Alive As Long As You Live.

Keep In Mind That The True Measure Of An Individual Is How He Treats A Person Who Can Do Him Absolutely No Good.

It's One Of The Ironies Of Human Nature That The Most Sensitive People Are Generally Insensitive To The Feelings Of Others.

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