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There Are Reports That French President Francois Hollande Had An Affair With An Actress Who Is 18 Years Younger Than Him. It's Pretty Serious. Under French Law, He Could Face Up To 30 High Fives.

-Jimmy Fallon

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There Are Reports That

Jimmy Fallon

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There Are Reports That French President Francois Hollande Had An Affair With An Actress Who Is 18 Years Younger Than Him. It's Pretty Serious. Under French Law, He Could Face Up To 30 High Fives.

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In A New Interview, The President Discussed The Upcoming Election. He Said That Hillary Clinton Is Going To Do Great As A Presidential Candidate. When Asked How Biden Would Do, Obama Said, 'hillary's Going To Do Great.'

I Read One Chapter Of A Book And Put It Down. Thank God For Kindle.

Today Is The Midterm Elections. The Washington Post Is Predicting That There's A 98 Percent Chance Of The Republicans Taking The Senate And The New York Times Says There's A 75 Percent Chance. And Cnn Said, 'wait, That's Today?'

A New Survey Out Says 64 Percent Of Americans Own A Smartphone. Which Is Interesting Because In A Related Survey, 100 Percent Of Smart Phones Say They Own An American.

New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter Said That He Is Open To Letting Transgender People Serve In The Military. He Said There's No Reason To Prevent People From Being Generals Just Because Of Their Privates.

Joe Biden Went To Brazil In An Effort To Try And Repair America's Relationship With Their Government. Biden Said, 'it's Great To Be Here In The Amazon. I've Always Wanted To See Where All The Books Come From.'

A 99-year-old Man Is Filing For Divorce From His 96-year-old Wife, Making Them The World's Oldest Divorced Couple. It's Got To Be Weird When A Divorce Lawyer Is Fighting For Your Kids To Get Custody Of You.

Got Bin Laden And Interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win For Obama All Around.

The Favorite To Win The Olympic Gold Medal In Archery Is A Legally Blind Athlete From South Korea, Mainly Because Everyone Else Is Too Scared To Compete Next To Him.

Ted Cruz Raised Over A Million Dollars After Announcing That He's Running For President. Which Is Why Today Radioshack Announced That It Is Also Running For President.

The Tsa's Airport Body Scanners Have Been Shown To Be So Ineffective, The Homeland Security Chairman Suggested Using Traditional Metal Detectors. While Laguardia Will Continue To Just Have A Scarecrow Dressed As A Cop.

A New Study Found That Women Think Men Holding A Guitar Are More Attractive, Even If They Are Not Playing It. In A Related Story, Guys With An Accordion Will Die Alone.

President Obama Finally Has His Own Personal Twitter Account. Even John Mccain Said, 'welcome To The Internet, Grandpa.'

We're Into Tech Stuff, Gadgets, Phones, Video Games. We'll Treat A Video Game Premiere Like A Movie Premiere. I'm Just Going To Be Honest With What I Like And What I Do. What I Enjoy. We're Not Going To Hide The Fact That People Are On The Internet All Day. I Think A Lot Of Shows Don't Really Mention That.

Arizona Just Became The 15th State To Approve Medical Marijuana. So I Give It Three Days Before They Stop Caring About The Whole Immigration Thing.

According To A New Report, Since He's Been Governor, Chris Christie Has Spent $82,000 At A Concession Stand At Metlife Stadium. Now, I Know It Seems Like The Perfect Story For A Chris Christie Joke But I'm Actually On A Chris Christie Joke Diet. So Nothing For Me, Thanks.

In A Recent Attack Ad, The Nra Claims That President Obama Cares About His Own Children More Than He Cares About Other Children. In Response, President Obama Was Like, 'yeah, That's How Families Work.'

In A Recent Interview, Hillary Clinton Said That One Of The Jobs That Prepared Her To Be President Was Sliming Fish In Alaska. As Opposed To Bill, Who Learned By Catching Crabs In Cancun.

President Obama Recently Said That His Day Is All About Politics, So In The Mornings He Likes To Watch Espn. So If You Get The Feeling He's Repeating Himself Every Half Hour, That's Where He Learned It From.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo Just Signed A Bill That Bans Powdered Alcohol From The State. So If You Live In New York And You're Consuming Powdered Alcohol, Your Life Just Somehow Got Even Worse.

Republican Candidate George Pataki Said His Dogs Would Give Him The Best Endorsement For Becoming Our Next President. Until They Hear Chris Christie Always Carries Bacon In His Pockets. (joke's On Them, Though, He's Never Going To Give Them Any Of That Pocket Bacon. It's What Gets Him Through Long Meetings!)

...being A Father Is The Most Exciting, Amazing Thing That Ever Happened To Me.

Thank You... Preseason Football, For Having All The Excitement, Commercials, And Time-outs Of The Regular Season, But With None Of The Mattering. I Appreciate It. Thank You.

Yesterday, The White House Confirmed That President Obama Will Meet With Pope Francis During His Visit In September. Some Experts Are Wondering If They'll Discuss Their Disagreement Over Contraception. Then Joe Biden Said, 'i Didn't Even Know They Were Dating.'

A Massive Power Outage In Washington, D.c., Today Affected A Number Of Federal Buildings, Including The White House. When Asked When They Could Restore Power To The White House, Officials Said, '2016?'

Thank You 'adults Who Wear Back Packs' For Letting Me Know That I Don't Have To Take You Seriously

When I See Professional Clowns, Mimes, Or People Who Makes Ballon Animals, I Think Of Their Relatives And How Disappointed They Must Be.

While He Was In Utah, Obama Discussed Immigration Reform With Leaders Of The Mormon Church. Obama Introduced The First Lady. Then The Church's President Introduced His First Lady. And His Second Lady. And His Third, Fourth, And Fifth Ladies.

Most Kids Come Home From School. They Don't Go To Their Tvs First. They Go To The Internet. They Check Their Emails, Or Some Blogs, Or Some Sites. Then They Go Watch Tv. Other People Are At Work All Day 9-5 In Front Of A Computer. They See Certain Clips. We're Not Going To Hide The Fact That People Use The Internet. We're Going To Try To Be As Interactive As Possible With Our Fans. I'm Currently On Twitter And Facebook And Flicker And Dig. I'm On All That Stuff.

Many Believe That Hillary Clinton Was Channeling President Obama During Her Recent Speech In New York City. She Focused On Equality, Justice, And How Hard It Was For Her Growing Up As A Young Black Man In Hawaii.

A Man In Thailand Was Arrested With More Than 10,000 Pairs Of Stolen Underwear. Legal Experts Are Expecting A Brief Trial.

This Weekend President Obama Attended The Annual Gridiron Club Dinner, And During His Speech He Joked That He Is Getting Older And Crankier. Which Explains Why He Announced He No Longer Supports President Obama.

L.a. Clippers Owner Donald Sterling Was Recorded On Tape Making Racist Comments. He Now Has Been Banned From The League For Life. Great, Just Where Sterling Wanted To End Up - The Blacklist.

Thank You, Horseradish, For Being Neither A Radish Nor A Horse. What You Are Is A Liar Food.

I Just Really Don't Like Being The Center Of Attention That Much. It's Kind Of Ironic.

Center Of Attention

Jeb Bush Is Facing Criticism After It Was Just Revealed That He Checked Off His Race As 'hispanic' On A Voter Registration Form Back In 2009. When Asked If He Regrets It Now, Bush Said, 'si.'

We Picked The Red Sox Because They Lose. If You Root For Something That Loses For 86 Years, You're A Pretty Good Fan. You Don't Have To Win Everything To Be A Fan Of Something.

Thank You... Apple, For Adding A Camera To The Ipod Nano. Now It's Just Like The Iphone Except It Can't Make Calls. So Basically, It's Just Like The Iphone.

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