Background Image

...

You Know What Hans Told Me Last Week?" She Says As I Open The Door Of My Fitting Room. "he Told Me To Write Down A List Of Everything I Wanted To Say About That Women-and Then Tear It Up. He Said I'd Feel A Sense Of Freedom." "oh Right," I Say Interestedly. "so What Happened?" "i Wrote It All Down," Says Laurel. "and Then I Mailed It To Her!

-Sophie Kinsella

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

You Know What Hans

Sophie Kinsella

...

You Know What Hans Told Me Last Week?" She Says As I Open The Door Of My Fitting Room. "he Told Me To Write Down A List Of Everything I Wanted To Say About That Women-and Then Tear It Up. He Said I'd Feel A Sense Of Freedom." "oh Right," I Say Interestedly. "so What Happened?" "i Wrote It All Down," Says Laurel. "and Then I Mailed It To Her!

Views: 3

Topic

More From Sophie Kinsella

Our Whole Family Thrives Under Pressure. It's Like Our Family Motto Or Something. Apart From My Brother Peter, Of Course. He Had A Nervous Break Down. But The Rest Of Us.

Suddenly I've Had Enough Of All This. I've Had Enough Of Being Made To Feel Insecure And Paranoid And Wondering What's Going On

So I Buy It. The Most Perfect Little Cardigan In The World. People Will Call Me The Girl In The Gray Cardigan. I’ll Be Able To Live In It. Really, It’s An Investment.

Becky! Love!" Mum Has Pushed Her Way Through Her Dancing Guests To Reach Me. "what's Wrong? Has Labor Started?" Honestly. My Family Has No Idea About Contemporary Urban Street Dance Trends.

Being A Journalist Is Good If You Want To Write Books: It Teaches You To Get Beyond The Blank Screen. My Books Have Been Described As Froth But There's Scope To Be Witty And Ironic About Everything In Life.

A Man Will Never Love You Or Treat You As Well As A Store. If A Man Doesn't Fit, You Can't Exchange Him Seven Days Later For A Gorgeous Cashmere Sweater. And A Store Always Smells Good. A Store Can Awaken A Lust For Things You Never Even Knew You Needed. And When Your Fingers First Grasp Those Shiny, New Bags...

Just Because Of That One Disastrous Blind Date She Had Last Year, Where The Guy Turned Out To Be Fifty-nine, Not Thirty-nine (he Claimed It Was A Typo. Yeah, I’m Sure His Finger Just Happened To Slip Two Spaces To The Left).

I Can Do This, I Tell Myself Firmly. I Can Be Attracted To Him. It's Just A Matter Of Self Control And Possibly Also Getting Very Drunk. So I Lift My Glass And Take Several Huge Gulps. I Can Feel The Bubbles Surging Into My Head, Singing Happily "i'm Going To Be A Millionaire's Wife! I'm Going To Be A Millionaire's Wife!" And When I Look Back At Tarquin, He Already Looks A Bit More Attractive. Alcohol Is Obviously Going To Be The Key To Our Marital Status.

I'm Never Going To Believe A Poirot Mystery Again. Never. All Those Witnesses Going, "yes, I Remember It Was 3:06 P.m. Exactly, Because I Glanced At The Clock As I Reached For The Sugar Tongs, And Lady Favisham Was Quite Clearly Sitting On The Right-hand Side Of The Fireplace." Bollocks. They Have No Idea Where Lady Favisham Was, They Just Don't Want To Admit It In Front Of Poirot. I'm Amazed He Gets Anywhere.

Philosophy Wasn't About Facts, It Was About Ideas. My First Essay Title Was Something Like: 'how Can You Know What Other People Are Thinking?' I Thought, 'wow, What An Amazing Thing.' I Really Thought Deeply For The First Time.

You Know What Hans Told Me Last Week?" She Says As I Open The Door Of My Fitting Room. "he Told Me To Write Down A List Of Everything I Wanted To Say About That Women-and Then Tear It Up. He Said I'd Feel A Sense Of Freedom." "oh Right," I Say Interestedly. "so What Happened?" "i Wrote It All Down," Says Laurel. "and Then I Mailed It To Her!

Sam Doesn't Hesitate For A Minute. 'you Say, "mr And Mrs Tavish, You're Making Me Feel Inferior. Do You Really Think I'm Inferior Or Is It Just In My Mind?

I'm Lying. I Don't Just Need Someone Like You. I Need You.

I've Never Felt So Bereft And Panicky. What Do I Do Without My Phone? How Do I Function? My Hand Keeps Automatically Reaching For My Phone In Its Usual Place In My Pocket. Every Instinct In Me Wants To Text Someone, 'omg, I've Lost My Phone! ' But How Can Do That Without A Bloody Phone?

This Is What's So Annoying About Going Out With Luke. You Can't Get Away With Anything.

It Really Is The Year 2007. Which Means I Must Be... Oh My God. I'm Twenty-eight. I'm Old.

Oh, This Shouldn't Be Allowed. There Should Be A Rule Which Says That People You've Met In The Gym Should Never Meet You In Real Life.

I Did A Lot Of Shopping For Her In Tokyo Because The Colors Here Are Very Conservative. A Shopaholic Would Have A Coat In Every Color And Lots Of Accessories

I Can't Cook. I Don't Have The Right Brain For It, Somehow. I Can't Walk Into A Room And Tidy It Up. I Get Distracted. I Pick Up One Thing And I Start Looking At It. And My Cooking Is Truly Heinous.

He So Did Not Sit Down And Have A Proper Talk With Her. I Know It. He Probably Sent Her A Brief Text, Saying, Over. Sam.

I Had A Craving For Pineapple And A Pink Cardigan" - Becky Bloomwood Shopaholic And Baby

I've Never Written A Children's Book, But When People Meet Me For The First Time And I Say I Write Books, They Invariably Reply, 'children's Books?' Maybe It's Something About My Face.

I Chose To Publish The First 'shopaholic' Book Under A Pseudonym Because I Wanted It To Be Judged On Its Own Merits.

But Sometimes You Have To Be Brave. Sometimes You Have To Show People What's Important In Life.

Everyone Knows Revenge Is A Dish Best Served When You've Had Enough Time To Build Up Enough Vitriol And Fury.

When You Read My Texts, You Saw A Curt, Miserable Git. And You Told Me So. Maybe You're Right. But You Know What I Saw When I Read Yours? - Sam No. And I Don't Want To Know. - Poppy I Saw A Girl Who Races To Help Others But Doesn't Help Herself. And Right Now You Need To Help Yourself. No One Should Walk Up The Aisle Feeling Inferior Or In A Different League Or Trying To Be Something They're Not. - Sam

Sometimes You Don't Need A Goal In Life, You Don't Need To Know The Big Picture. You Just Need To Know What You're Going To Do Next!

If You Want Something You Can't Afford, Think What Else That Money Could Buy: A Week's Groceries, A Month's Rent, Or A Weekend Away. That Will Put Things Into Perspective.

Darling, When Things Go Wrong In Life, You Lift Your Chin, Put On A Ravishing Smile, Mix Yourself A Little Cocktail.

I Feel All Agitated, Like One Of Those Snow Globes You See Resting Peacefully On Shop Counters. I Was Perfectly Happy Being An Ordinary, Dull Little Swiss Village. But Now Jack Harper’s Come And Shaken Me Up, And There Are Snowflakes All Over The Place, Whirling Around Until I Don’t Know What I Think Anymore. And Bits Of Glitter, Too. Tiny Bits Of Shiny, Secret Excitement.

I Had No Plans To Be A Writer. My Teenaged Bid For Stardom Was To Be A Pop Star... Which, Ahem, Didn't Exactly Work Out.

Why Can't Parents Dance? Is It Some Universal Law Of Physics Or Something?

There's Nothing Like Your Mother's Sympathetic Voice To Make You Want To Burst Into Tears.

Why On Earth Declutter When You Can Just Shrinkwrap?

If Your Life's At A Juncture And You Need To Think About Things, There's Nowhere Better Than Home. However Old You Are.

Oh, Please. If She's Going To Use Mr. Darcy To Prop Up Her Arguments, I Give Up.

This Is A Test, Isn't It? It's Like Choosing Out Of Three Caskets In A Fairy Tale. Everyone Knows The Rules. You Never Choose The Gold Shiny One. Or Even The Quite Impressive Silver One. What You're Supposed To Do Is Choose The Dull Little Lead One, And Then There's A Flash Of Light And It Turns Into A Mountain Of Jewels

When I Was Your Age, If A Boy Behaved Badly, One Simply Scored His Name Out From One's Dance Card. (sadie Lancaster - To Lara Lington)

I Adore All Agatha Christie's Books And Turn To Them Whenever I'm Ill Or Need Cheering Up.

A Divorce Is Like A Controlled Explosion. Everyone On The Outside Is Ok.

You Can Want And Want And Want, But If He Doesn't Want You Back ... You Might As Well Wish The Sky Were Red.

You Never Know How Things Are Going To Turn Out, However Much You Plan. But You Already Know That.

Our Eyes Met In The Math Class. How Were We To Know That Trigonometry Would Lead To Matrimony?

Christmas Shopping! I Can Do All My Christmas Shopping Here! I Know March Is A Bit Early, But Why Not Be Organized? And Then When Christmas Arrives I Won't Have To Go Near The Horrible Christmas Crowds.

"this Is Me, Remember!" Retorts Suze. "i Know What You're Like! You Used To Throw All Your Bank Statements Into The Trash And Hope A Complete Stranger Would Pay Off Your Bills!" This Is What Happens. You Tell Your Friends Your Most Personal Secrets, And They Use Them Against You.

Every Time I Mention Her, Magnus Says, "are You Two Getting Along?" In Raised, Hopeful Tones, Like We're Endangered Pandas Who Need To Make A Baby.

It's A Girl. It's A Little Girl, With Scrunched-up Petal Lips And A Tuft Of Dark Hair And Hands In Tiny Fits, Up By Her Ears. All That Time, That's Who Was In There. And It's Weird, But The Minute I Saw Her I Just Thought: It's You. Of Course It Is.

Maybe My Identity's Been Stolen. Or Maybe I Was Sleep-shopping!

You Panicked". Venetia's Voice Is Suddenly Throbbing, As Though She Can't Control A Long-buried Anger. "you Panicked, Luke, And We Lost The Best Relationship That We Had. Everyone Was Jealous Of Us At Cambridge, Everyone. We Were Perfect Together." We Weren't Perfect!" He Looks At Her Incredulously. "and I Didn't Panic---" You Did! You Couldn't Cope With The Commitment! It Frightened You!" It Did Not Frighten Me!" Luke Shouts, Exasperated. "it Made Me Realize You Weren't The Person I Wanted To Have Children With. Or Spend The Rest Of My Life With. Ever. And That's Why I Ended It!

Once You've Started Cheating, Does It Really Matter What Your Methods Are?

I'm A Great Fan Of Taking My Laptop Out And About.

I Don't Speak Japanese, I Don't Know Anything About Japanese Business Or Japanese Culture. Apart From Sushi. But I Can't Exactly Go Up To Him And Say "sushi!" Out Of The Blue. It Would Be Like Going Up To A Top American Businessman And Saying, "t-bone Steak!

A Party Like This Isn't About The Surprise Factor. It's About Someone Going To So Much Trouble That It Just... Overwhelms You.

The Way I Write Is Totally Instinctive. I Just Write What I Feel Or What I Find Funny - And Hope Everyone Else Agrees.

Life Is Like An Escalator. You See, It Carries You On Regardless. And You Might As Well Enjoy The View And Seize Every Opportunity While You're Passing. Otherwise, It'll Be Too Late.

I'll Have To Admit, He Really Does Have Quite A Smile.kind Of Heart-stopping, Especially As It Comes Out Of Nowhere. I Mean... You Know. If Your Heart Was In The Kind Of Place To Be Stopped.

I'm An Impulse Buyer. I Don't Really Go Out With A List.

I Am Not A Label Snob And Have Learned That The Thrill Of Shopping Can Be Just As Great, If Not More So, When You Find A Bargain.

I Can See The Warmth. He's Falling For Me.

I'm Allergic To Family Occasions. Sometimes I Think We'd Do Better As Dandelion Seeds-no Family, No History, Just Floating Off Into The World, Each On Our Own Piece Of Fluff.

Whoever It Was, Whether I Knew Them Or Not, If I Could Help In Some Way, I Would. I Mean, If You Can Help, You Have To Help. Don't You Think? - Poppy Wyatt

Everyone Knows The First Rule Of Business Is "look Good During Confrontations." Or If It Isn't, It Should Be.

Except...i Do. Of Course I Do. Because As His Hands Gently Cup My Waist, I Don't Make A Sound. As He Swivels Me Around To Face Him, I Don't Make A Sound. I Don't Need To. We're Still Talking. Every Touch He Makes, Every Imprint Of His Skin Is Like Another Word, Another Thought, A Continuation Of Our Conversation. And We're Not Done Yet. Not Yet.

There's No Luck In Business. There's Only Drive, Determination, And More Drive.

I’m Blushing At My Own Stupid, Nonsensical, Meaningless Thought Process, Which, By The Way, Nobody Knows About Except Me.

If My Writing Comes To A Halt, I Head To The Shops: I Find Them Very Inspirational. And If I Get Into Real Trouble With My Plot, I Go Out For A Pizza With My Husband.

My Childhood Was Spent Embracing One Literary Heroine After Another. I Identified Passionately With Each One And Would Slavishly Imitate Them.

Okay. Now My Skin Is Really Prickling. I've Read All The Harry Potter Books, All Five Of Them. I Don't Remember Any Half-blood Prince. "what's This?" Trying To Sound Casual, I Point At The Ad, "what's Harry Potter And The Half-blood Prince?" "that's The Latest Book," Garth The Other Trainee, Says. "it Came Out Ages Ago." I Can't Help Gasping. "there's A Sixth Harry Potter?" "there's A Seventh Out Soon!" Diana Steps Forward Eagerly. "and Guess What Happens At The End Of Book Six-" "shh!" Exclaims Nicole, The Other Nurse. "don't Tell Her!

There Are Moments In Life That The White-chocolate Magnum Ice Cream Was Invented For, And This Is One Of Them.

You Can Always Find Something You Want.

Shopping Is Actually Very Similar To Farming A Field. You Can't Keep Buying The Same Thing, You Have To Have A Bit Of Variety. Otherwise You Get Bored And Stop Enjoying Yourself.

...you May Be Able To Sway People's Heads. But You Can't Sway Their Hearts.

When I Shop, The World Gets Better, And The World Is Better, But Then It's Not, And I Need To Do It Again. (confessions Of A Shopaholic-the Movie)

When I'm On A Break From Writing, I'll Log On To Amazon And Ebay. The Doorbell Is Constantly Being Rung By Deliverymen.

If I Worked At White Globe Consulting, I Wouldn't Be Able To Do My Job. I Would Spend All Day Texting The Other People In The Office, Asking Them What Was Going On Today And Had They Heard Anything New And What Did They Think Was Going To Happen. Hmm. Maybe It's A Good Thing I'm Not In An Office Job.

Lover? I Don't Know. I Don't Know If She Loves Me. I Don't Know If I Love Her. All I Can Say Is, She's The One I Think About. All The Time. She's The Voice I Want To Hear. She's The Face I Hope To See.

People Used To Ask Me For Advice, And I'd Say, 'please, Don't Ask Me!' Yes, I Did Economics At Oxford, But That's Not The Same As Having A Broad Knowledge Of Personal Finance

I Mean, When I Think About It, What's More Important? Clothes - Or The Miracle Of New Life?

In The End, You Have To Choose Whether Or Not To Trust Someone.

Great. Just Great. One Glimpse Of His Body And I Have A Full-blown Crush. I Honestly Thought I Was A Bit Deeper Than That.

We're All Confused, Samantha. We All Need More Time To Think. That's Life. Get Over It.

I Can't Get Over This. Dad Isn't Sam's Dad? Dad Is A Friend? How Was I Supposed To Know That? People Shouldn't Be Allowed To Sign Themselves As Dad Unless They Are Your Dad. It Should Be The Law.

We Both Gaze Down At My Swollen Tummy For A While. I Still Can't Quite Get My Head Round The Fact That There's A Baby Inside My Body. Which Has Got To Come Out... Somehow. Ok, Let's Not Go There. There's Still Time For Them To Invent Something.

Me Too." I Agree Fervently. "every Film Should Definitely Have A Message." Which Is True. I Mean... Take The Lord Of The Rings Movies- They've Got Loads Of Messages. Like "don't Lose Your Ring.

People Who Want To Make A Million Borrow A Million First

Visiting Any Shop For The First Time Is Exciting. There's Always That Buzz As You Push Open The Door; That Hope; That Belief - That This Is Going To Be The Shop Of All Shops, Which Will Bring You Everything You Ever Wanted, At Magically Low Prices.

No Human On God's Earth Is A Nobody.

... What Would Poirot Do? Poirot Wouldn't Flap Around In A Panic. He'd Stay Calm And Use His Little Grey Cells And Recall Some Tiny, Vital Detail Which Would Be The Clue To Everything.

I Once Tried To Give Him A Friendly Little "drugs Chat". He Politely Corrected Me On Every Single Fact, Then Said He'd Noticed I Drank Above The Recommended Guidelines Of Red Bull And Did I Think I Might Have An Addiction? That Was The Last Time I Tried To Act Like The Older Sister.

If I Behave As Though This Is A Completely Normal Situation, Then Maybe It Will Be.

Hi." "hi." I Shrug, As Though To Say "whatever." In My Peripheral Vision I Can See Magnus Exhale. He Looks A Teeny Bit Nervous. "so." "so." I Can Play This Game Too. "poppy." "poppy. I Mean, Magnus." I Scowl. He Caught Me Out.

It's Just The Way Things Are. And You Can't Dwell On What Might Have Been. You Have To Look At What Is.

For Years Now I've Kind Of Operated Under An Informal Shopping Cycle. A Bit Like A Farmer's Crop Rotation System. Except, Instead Of Wheat, Maize, Barley, And Fallow, Mine Pretty Much Goes Clothes, Makeup Shoes, And Clothes (i Don't Bother With Fallow). Shopping Is Actually Very Similar To Farming A Field. You Can't Keep Buying The Same Thing, You Have To Have A Bit Of Variety. Otherwise You Get Bored And Stop Enjoying Yourself.

She Was The Most Beautiful Thing You Ever Saw. She Was Radiant. And She Was Wearing This Necklace... When You See The Necklace In The Painting, It All Makes Sense. He Loved Her. Even If She Lived To One Hundred And Five Without Ever Getting An Answer.

Rule Of Life. If You Bother To Ask Someone’s Advice, Then Bother To Listen To It.

The Thing With Giving Up Is You Never Know. You Never Know Whether You Could Have Done The Job. And I'm Sick Of Not Knowing About My Life.

Wow. I've Never Been A Vip Before. I've Never Even Been A Ip.

That's The Trouble With Having The Whole World Love You. One Day, You Wake Up And It's Flirting With Your Best Friend Instead. And You Don't Know What To Do. You're Thrown.

So", Says Jack At At Last..."you Broke Up With Connor". Wow. So We're Straight To The Point. "so", I Reply Defiantly. "you Decided To Stay". "yes, Well...", "i Thought I Might Take A Closer Look At Some Of The European Subsidiaries." He Looks Up. "how About You?" "same Reason." I Nod. "european Subsidiaries".

Obviously This Is Engagement Ring City. Couples Are Wandering Along And Girls Are Pointing Through The Windows And The Men Are Smiling But All Look Slightly Sick Whenever Their Girlfriends Turn Away.

Have You Ever Thought About The Grid Of Manhattan?' It's Like...a Metaphor For Life. You Think You Have The Freedom To Walk Anywhere. But In Fact... You Are Strictly Controlled. Up Or Down. Left Or Right. Nothing In Between. No Other Options.' Life Should Be Like An Open Space...you Should Be Able To Walk In Whatever Direction You Choose.

Ok. Don't Panic. Don't Panic. It's Only A Visa Bill. It's A Piece Of Paper; A Few Numbers. I Mean, Just How Scary Can A Few Numbers Be?

She Doesn’t Really Have A Sense Of Humor. I Think She’d Like To Have One—it’s Just That She Doesn’t Quite Understand What Jokes Are For.

The Worst Thing A Girl Can Do Is Trail After A Boy When A Love Affair Is Dead.

Everyone Keeps Saying I’ll Pick It Up. But What If I Don’t? I Did Algebra For Three Years, And I Never Picked That Up.

Ciao," I Say Casually, And Flick My Hair Back. "si. Ciao." I Could So Be Italian. Except I Might Have To Learn A Few More Words.

And We Spend The Rest Of The Evening Getting Very Pissed And Eating Ice Cream, As We Always Do When Something Good Or Bad Happens To Either One Of Us.

Don’t Think About It. Don’t Think About What Could Have Been. It’s Too Unbearable.

Could Have Been

You Won’t Let Me Buy Any Clothes. Now You Won’t Let Me Buy A Road Map, Either! I Need To Spend Some Money Or I’m Going To Go Crazy!

I Think A Lot Of People Still Fantasise About That First Love And What Might Happen If They Rekindled The Relationship.

Life Takes Us On Different Paths... It's Not Up To Us To Evaluate Or Judge Them, Merely Respect And Embrace Them. (lara Lington - To Sadie Lancaster)

If It's In The Bin, It's Public Property.

You're Working For Me Cut Out The Attitude.

I Always Thought 'chick Lit' Meant Third-person Contemporary Funny Novels, Dealing With Issues Of The Day. I Mean, It's Not The Ideal Term; When I'm Asked To Describe What I Do, I Say I Write Romantic Comedies, Cause That's What I Feel They Are. But I'm Quite Pragmatic.

Everyone's Moving On Without Me, Into A World I Don't Understand.

They Said I Was A Valued Customer. Now They Send Me Hate Mail.

Jeez Louise. I Know Why Rich People Are So Thin: It's From Trekking Around Their Humongous Houses The Whole Time.

Relationships Are A Battle. They Are A Chess Game. And What Did I Do? I Just Threw All My Chess Pieces Down On The Board At Once, And Said, "here! Have Them All!

Your Father Always Tries To See The Good Side Of People; To Find The Excuse. But Sometimes There Isn't A Good Side. There Isn't An Excuse. (mom - To Lara Lington)

You Don't Always Have To Know Who You Are. Sometimes, It's Enough Just To Know What To Do Next.

I Hurl The Glass Teapot To The Ground. We Both Stare At It, Stunned. "it Was Supposed To Break," I Explain After A Pause, " And That Was Going To Signify That Yes, I Would Throw Something Away . If I Knew It Wasn't Right For Me.

I'd Probably Still Be A Financial Journalist Now If It Weren't For Writing Novels. Mmm. Fun! I'm Much Happier Writing Novels!

Women Need Chocolate. It's A Scientific Fact.

My Voice Is Clotted With Unshed Tears.

Books Are Educational; So You Can Buy As Many As You Want." Sophie Kinsella, Shopping At The Limelight Marketplace

I've Always Had This Deep-down Conviction That I'm Not Like Everybody Else, And There's An Amazingly Exciting New Life Waiting For Me Just Around The Corner.

To Have Someone Who Never Makes A Mistake, Never Finds Her Personal Life In Disarray, Never Worries About Work-life Balance? I Think That Would Be Unreal. What Im Writing Is Real.

If You Look Good, You Feel Good!

The Thing About Lying To Your Parents Is, You Have To Do It To Protect Them. It’s For Their Own Good.

I'll Show Luke I Can Fit Into The City. I'll Show Him I Can Be A True New Yorker. I'll Go The Gym, And Then I'll Eat A Bagel, And I'll ... Shoot Someone, Maybe? Or Maybe Just The Gym Will Be Enough.

We're Playing Scrabble. It's A Nightmare." "scrabble?" He Sounds Surprised. "scrabble's Great." "not When You're Playing With A Family Of Geniuses, It's Not. They All Put Words Like 'iridiums'. And I Put 'pig'.

My Daily Nespresso Coffee, An Unexpected Shaft Of Sunlight Through The Window On A Winter's Day, My Bargain Missoni Sunglasses (70 Percent Off!)

A Mistake Isn’t A Mistake Unless It Can’t Be Put Right.

I Know What It's Like To Squander All Your Hours And All Your Tears And All Your Heart On Something Which Turns Out To Be Nothing. Don't Waste Your Time.

Youth Is Still Where You Left It, And That's Where It Should Stay. Anything That Was Worth Taking On Life's Journey, You'll Already Have Taken With You.

I Bet He Never Goes On Youtube. He's Too Busy. It's Only Tragic Cases Like You And Me Who Are Always Online.

If You're Single, Then I'm Single?" What's That Supposed To Be? Lyrics To A Pop Song?

What Are They Waiting To See?" Sam Follows My Gaze And I Shrug. "who Knows? You Could Always Do A Dance, Or Tell A Joke, Or... Kiss The Bride?" "not The Bride," He Wraps His Arms Around Me, And Gradually Pulls Me Close. Our Noses Are Practically Touching. I Can See Right Into His Eyes. I Can Feel The Warmth Of His Skin. "you." Me. "the Girl Who Stole My Phone." His Lips Brush Across The Corner Of My Mouth. "the Thief." "it Was In A Bin." "still Stealing." "no It Isn't-," I Begin. But Now His Mouth Is Firmly On Mine, And I Can't Speak At All. And Suddenly, Life Is Good.

Mind Your Own Brazilian!" The Words Fly Out Of My Mouth Before I Can Stop Them. Oops. Ok. The Trick When You've Said Something Embarrassing By Mistake Is Not To Overreact. Instead, Keep Your Chin Up And Pretend Nothing Happened.

There Are Some Things I Don't Understand About Jess And Never Will. No Wedding Dress. No Flowers. No Photo Album. No Champagne. The Only Thing She Got Out Of Her Wedding Was A Husband. (i Mean, Obviously The Husband Is The Main Point When You Get Married. Absolutely. That Goes Without Saying. But Still, Not Even A New Pair Of Shoes?)

I Know This Is Our Honeymoon. But Just Sometimes, I Wish Luke Was A Girl.

Why Didn't I Buy A New Phone Earlier? Why Don't I Always Walk Around With A Spare Phone? It Should Be The Law, Like Having A Spare Tire.

There's Genuine Pain In Eric's Eyes. And I Feel A Stab Of Guilt. But You Can't Stay With People Because Of Guilt.

You're So Narrow-minded! You Live In The Same Village You Grew Up In, You Run The Family Business, You're Buying A Nursery Down The Road... You're Practically Still In The Womb. So Before You Lecture Me On The Way To Live My Life, Try Living One Of Your Own, Ok?

My Real Name Is Madeleine Wickham, Under Which I Write Dramas With An Edge Of Humour. As Sophie Kinsella Its Fast, All-out Comedies, Such As The Shopaholic Series.

Still, That's The Point Of Love; You Love Someone Despite Their Flaws.

It’s The Way He Had A Cup Of Tea Waiting For Me When I Woke Up. It’s The Way He Turned On His Laptop Especially For Me To Look Up All My Internet Horoscopes And Helped Me Choose The Best One. He Knows All The Crappy, Embarrassing Bits About Me That I Normally Try To Hide From Any Man For As Long As Possible… And He Loves Me Anyway.

The Great Thing About Being A Novelist Is That You Organize Your Own Day.

I Never Did Any Training In Journalism Or In Finance, So I Really Was In The Deep End. I Got Very Good At Going To Press Conferences And Nodding. I'd Figure It Out When I Got Back To The Office. Charts And Numbers. I've Never Been Great With Facts, Ever, My Whole Life. For A Journalist, That's Not A Very Good Trait.

It Was In The Forest. No One Saw It Or Heard It. So Did It Actually Happen?

I Love All My Characters. I Love Their Weaknesses And Flaws. I Feel Like They're All My Best Friends And I Adore Being With Them.

I'm Sitting At The Dinner Table, Wearing My Future Mother-in-law's Underwear. It's Like Some Twisted Dream That You Wake Up And Thinkl Crikey Moses! Thank God That Didn't Really Happen!

I Had Gone To Oxford To Read Music. I Had Done Music All My Life, But When I Got To College I Didn't Want To Do It Anymore.

Like Most Of Us, I'm Used To Juggling About 52 Roles In Life. Wife. Mother. Sister. Friend. Author. Sometimes I Feel A Bit 'multiple-personality'.

And Maybe Now You'll Start Treating Everybody With Respect. Not Just The People You Think Are Important.

A Real Relationship Is Two-way.

Trending Author

Eddie Van Halen

Category