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When I Naturally Write A Story And I Feel That The Guy Is Sitting Across The Table From The Girl And Flirting With Her... I Think, 'god, That Can't Be Me' Because I'm Just Too Old For That Part. You Need A 30-year-old Or A 35-year-old For That Part. And So I've Given Myself Less And Less Roles.

-Woody Allen

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When I Naturally Write

Woody Allen

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When I Naturally Write A Story And I Feel That The Guy Is Sitting Across The Table From The Girl And Flirting With Her... I Think, 'god, That Can't Be Me' Because I'm Just Too Old For That Part. You Need A 30-year-old Or A 35-year-old For That Part. And So I've Given Myself Less And Less Roles.

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I'll Work By Myself For Years And Then I'll Think It'll Be Fun To Et One Of My Friends Like Marshall Brickman Or Doug Mcgrath Into A Room And Not Be Alone For The Writing Of The Thing; To Have The Pleasure Of Taking Walks And Get Lunch Together; Its Sort Of A Fun Process And Then I Do It And Then I Get Back On My Own For A While Until I Feel The Need To Do It Again.

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He's A Politician. That's A Notch Below Child Molester.

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To Love Is To Suffer. To Avoid Suffering One Must Not Love. But Then One Suffers From Not Loving. Therefore, To Love Is To Suffer; Not To Love Is To Suffer; To Suffer Is To Suffer. To Be Happy Is To Love. To Be Happy, Then, Is To Suffer, But Suffering Makes One Unhappy. Therefore, To Be Happy One Must Love Or Love To Suffer Or Suffer From Too Much Happiness.

Existence For Eternity Could Get A Little Boring... Especially Towards The End.

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I'm A Creature Of The New York City Streets.

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I Work For A Company That Makes Deceptively Shallow Serving Dishes For Chinese Restaurants.

Why Not? Life Is Short, Life Is Dull, Life Is Full Of Pain - And This Is A Chance For Something Special.

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There Is No Advantage Getting Older. You Don't Get Smarter, You Don't Get Wiser, You Don't Get More Mellow, You Don't Get More Kindly, Nothing Good Happens. Your Back Hurts More, You Get More Indigestion, Your Eyesight Isn't As Good, You Need A Hearing Aid. It's A Bad Business Getting Old And I Would Advise You Not To Do It If You Can Avoid It. It Doesn't Have A Romantic Quality.

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Writing Is Great Because In The Writing You Never Have To... First Of All You Never Have To Leave Your Home. And You Never Have To Meet The Test Of Reality When You're Writing.

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But It Was I - Yes I - Who Discovered The Link Between Excessive Masturbation And Entry Into Politics!

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My Father Owned A Small Piece Of Land. He Carried It With Him Wherever He Went.

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The Film Studios Learned To Our Dismay But To Their Pleasure That If They Spent $200 Million Making A Film They Could Make Half A Billion On It. So They Were Not Interested Anymore In Quality Films... They Can't Afford To Be That Risky At Those Prices. Consequently You're Getting A Lot Of Remakes, Sequels, Dopey Comedies Full Of Toilet Jokes...

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A Deranged Person Is Supposed To Have The Strength Of Ten Men. I Have The Strength Of One Small Boy... With Polio.

I Don't Fear Death. - I Just Don't Want To Be Around When It Happens.

Life's Hard, Then You Die.

Meaningful Death

People Still Have Existential Anxiety. It Just May Not Be Expressed In Hebraic Idiom.

In Order To Be Successful, All You've Got To Do Is Show Up 80 Percent Of The Time.

When You Make The Film, There's A Big Difference Between When You're In Your Own Home At The Typewriter, And When You're Standing On A Mountain, Or On A Street Corner, And Buses Are Coming By-it's A Different Reality. You Make A Million Changes That Were Never In The Script, But That Reality Dictates.

If Man Were Immortal, Do You Realize What His Meat Bills Would Be?

I Like Filming In New York A Lot Myself, But London Is Accommodating To Me; The Weather's Very Good There And The Conditions For Shooting And The Financial Conditions, The Artistic Conditions Are Good, So It's A Pleasant Place To Shoot.

One Filmmaker Makes Films That Are Deep, Intellectual, Profound And Confrontational. And The Other One Makes Purely Vacuous, Escapist Films. I'm Not Sure The One Who Makes Escapist Films Is Making A Poorer Contribution Than The One Who Makes The Deeper Films.

Oh, He Was Probably A Member Of The National Rifle Association. It Was A Group That Helped Criminals Get Guns So They Could Shoot Citizens. It Was A Public Service.

Life Is Divided Into The Horrible And The Miserable.

That’s One Of The Nice Things About Writing, Or Any Art; If The Thing’s Real, It Just Lives.

Life Is Unresolved, Confusing, Bewildering, Puzzling, Ambiguous. You Don't Really Know What's Going To Happen. The Future Is Uncertain For Everybody.

I Was The Captain Of The Latent Paranoid Softball Team. We Used To Play All The Neurotics On Sunday Morning. Nailbiters Against The Bedwetters, And If You've Never Seen Neurotics Play Softball, It's Really Funny. I Used To Steal Second Base, And Feel Guilty And Go Back.

When You Write The Script, You're Home In A Room By Yourself, And You're Writing, And There's No Connection With The Real Performing World. So You Get A Lot Of Things Wrong And Make A Lot Of Mistakes And Make A Lot Of Bad Choices.

Comedians Have A Tendency To Have A Limited Range, They Tend To Do One Thing And Do It Very Well, But It's Limited.

My Relationship With Death Remains The Same - I'm Strongly Against It.

If You Aren't Failing Every Now And Then, You're Probably Playing It Too Safe.

I Was Walking Through The Woods, Thinking About Christ. If He Was A Carpenter, I Wondered What He Charged For Bookshelves.

Capital Punishment Would Be More Effective As A Preventive Measure If It Were Administered Prior To The Crime.

If The [actors] Are Working, And I Have A Dinner Engagement, I Don't Do 20 Takes. I Do Five Takes And Go Home. I Want To Go To Dinner.

There's No Point In Looking Back, Because There's Nothing You Can Really Do To Improve The Film. You Can Only Aggravate And Wish You Had Done Stuff Better.

And In All Of Babylonia There Was Wailing And Gnashing Of Teeth, 'til The Prophets Bade The Multitudes Get A Grip On Themselves And Shape Up.

There Are Three Things Jewish People Worship-god, Chinese Food And Wall-to-wall Carpeting.

There's Nothing Sexier Than A Lapsed Catholic.

I Don't Know The Question, But Sex Is Definitely The Answer.

Ninety Percent Of Life Is Just Showing Up.

Fitness Motivational

Bisexuality Doubles Your Chances Of A Date On A Saturday Night. I Believe That Sex Is A Beautiful Thing Between Two People. Between Five, It's Fantastic. If There Is Reincarnation, I'd Like To Come Back As Warren Beatty's Fingertips. I'm Such A Good Lover Because I Practice A Lot On My Own. My Love Life Is Terrible. The Last Time I Was Inside A Woman Was When I Visited The Statue Of Liberty. Sex Without Love Is An Empty Experience, But As Empty Experiences Go It's A Pretty Good One.

I’m Going To Kill Myself. I Should Go To Paris And Jump Off The Eiffel Tower. I’ll Be Dead. You Know, In Fact, If I Get The Concorde, I Could Be Dead Three Hours Earlier, Which Would Be Perfect. Or Wait A Minute. It -- With The Time Change, I Could Be Alive For Six Hours In New York But Dead Three Hours In Paris. I Could Get Things Done, And I Could Also Be Dead.

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I Don't Believe In God. Just Try Getting A Plumber On The Weekend.

The Study Of Economy Usually Shows Us That The Best Time For Purchase Was Last Year.

I Didn't Go To Paris Until I Was A Grown-up In 1965. And When I Went To Paris, It Was The Paris I Knew Only From American Movies.

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