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When Authorities Warn You Of The Sinfulness Of Sex, There Is An Important Lesson To Be Learned. Do Not Have Sex With The Authorities.

-Matt Groening

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When Authorities Warn You

Matt Groening

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When Authorities Warn You Of The Sinfulness Of Sex, There Is An Important Lesson To Be Learned. Do Not Have Sex With The Authorities.

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Lessons To Be Learned

More From Matt Groening

I Think In Daily Newspapers, The Way Comic Strips Are Treated, It's As If Newspaper Publishers Are Going Out Of Their Way To Kill The Medium.

I Think When 'the Simpsons' First Came On, There Was An Uproar. People Got Used To It. They Realized The Show's Really Funny, It's Got A Heart, So I Think It's Pretty Safe.

A Lot Of People Believe That If Everybody Just Did What They Were Told - Obeyed - Everything Would Be Fine. But That's Not What Life Is All About. That's Not Real. It's Never Going To Happen.

I Promise I'll Do Anything For You, Especialy If It's Easy. Homer Simpson

Lisa: 'do We Have Any Food That Wasn't Brutally Slaughtered?' Homer: 'well, I Think The Veal Died Of Loneliness.'

I Don't Have To Be Careful, I've Got A Gun.

A Woman Is Like Beer. They Look Good, They Smell Good, And You'd Step Over Your Own Mother Just To Get One!

I Want It To Go On, But I Want Us To Go Out On Top.

You Know, I've Been Thinking. Everyone Makes Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches But Usually The Jelly Drips Out All Over The Side And The Guy's Hands Get All Sticky. But Your Jelly Stays Right In The Middle Where It's Supposed To. I Don't Know How You Do It? You Just Got A Gift, I Guess. I've Always Thought So. I've Just Never Mentioned It. But It's Time You Knew How I Feel. I Don't Believe In Keeping Feelings Bottled Up. Goodbye, My Wife.

We've Been Running A Little Behind Schedule. But Only By About 15 Years Or So.

A Woman Knows All About Her Children. She Knows About Dentist Appointments, Soccer Games, Romances, Best Friends, Location Of Friend's Houses, Favorite Foods, Secret Fears And Hopes And Dreams. A Man Is Vaguely Aware Of Some Short People Living In The House.

Humor Does Depend On Surprise, And The Things That People Remember As The Funniest Things In The World, You Look At Later And You Go, "what? What Was That All About?"

I Basically Drew My Own Family. My Father's Name Is Homer. My Mother's Name Is Margaret. I Have A Sister Lisa And Another Sister Maggie, So I Drew All Of Them. I Was Going To Name The Main Character Matt, But I Didn't Think It Would Go Over Well In A Pitch Meeting, So I Changed The Name To Bart.

In 'futurama,' The Skin Color Is No Longer Yellow. They Have Actually Evolved To Cartoon Skin Tone. But They Still Have Four Fingers.

Ah, Sweet Pity. Where Would My Love Life Be Without It?

Public Transportation Is For Jerks And Lesbians.

Public Transportation

The Thing About A Cartoon Is, You Can Do Whatever You Want. The Tightrope That We Are Walking On 'the Simpsons' And 'futurama' Is "how Do You Continue To Surprise The Audience, But Make Them Good Surprises?" Not Every Surprise Is Good, But You Want To Continue Jolting People.

When You're As Important As I Am, Getting Your Feelings Hurt By Me Is Almost An Honor.

Me Fail English? That's Unpossible.

The Nice Thing About 'futurama' For Me Personally Was That It Was A Way To Honor Some Of The Traditional Ideas In Literary Science Fiction, Not So Much Movie Or Television Science Fiction - Although We Have That Too, Obviously. Our Situation, A Workplace Comedy, Led To All Sorts Of Stuff.

I Went To Bali, And I Was In A Small Village, And Somebody Who Was With Me Showed A Woman A Little Figurine Of Bart And Asked: 'do You Know Who This Is?' And She Said: 'mickey Mouse.'

The French Are Funny, Sex Is Funny, And Comedies Are Funny, Yet No French Sex Comedies Are Funny.

The Simpsons And Futurama Are Such Big Projects, Going On For Years And Working In Different Media, That Everything Involved With Them, Promotion And Merchandise And Online Presence And All The Rest, Deserve To Be Scrutinized, So That's Part Of It. I Have A Great Deal Of Sympathy For Anyone At The Core Of A Multimedia Juggernaut, Even If You Might Not Care For The Specific Pop-culture Invasion Of Your Brain. The People Who Do It Work Really Hard.

Anxiety And Hostility Seem To Be A Great Part Of Good And Bad Humor. Examining Humor Too Closely Does Seem To Destroy It.

I'm A Level 5 Vegan, I Don't Eat Anything That Casts A Shadow.

You Can't Keep Blaming Yourself. Just Blame Yourself Once, And Move On." Homer Simpson

As Astute Followers Of 'life In Hell' Will Notice, Akbar And Jeff Wear The Same Striped T-shirt As Charlie Brown. 'peanuts' Was Very Important To Me.

Everybody Is Clever, Just In Their Own Ways

I Thought I Was Going To Make Crazy Cartoons For The Rest Of My Life. I Didn't Think I'd Ever Get Paid For It, Didn't Think I Drew Well Enough, But I Knew It Made Me Happy.

I Don't Know Why I Did It, I Don't Know Why I Enjoyed It, And I Don't Know Why I Will Do It Again.

When The Simpsons Came Around, There Really Was Nothing Else Like It On Tv. It's Hard To Imagine, But When Fox First Took The Plunge With It, It Was Considered Controversial To Put Animation On Prime Time.

My Father Was A Really Sharp Cartoonist And Filmmaker. He Used To Tape-record The Family Surreptitiously, Either While We Were Driving Around Or At Dinner, And In 1963 He And I Made Up A Story About A Brother And A Sister, Lisa And Matt, Having An Adventure Out In The Woods With Animals.

I Can't Believe It! Reading And Writing Actually Paid Off!

Welcome To Suckersville, Man.

With "futurama," I Wanted To Do Unrequited Love, And David Cohen Agreed, And Although Our Original Plan Was Never To Have Fry And Leela Get Together, We Finally Just Said, "you Can Only String The Fans Along So Far."

Unrequited Love

Love Is A Snowmobile Racing Across The Tundra And Then Suddenly It Flips Over, Pinning You Underneath. At Night, The Ice Weasels Come.

This Doesn't Happen In America! Maybe Ohio, But Not In America!" Homer Simpson

It's Just Hard Not To Listen To Tv: It's Spent So Much More Time Raising Us Than Parents Have.

When Authorities Warn You Of The Sinfulness Of Sex, There Is An Important Lesson To Be Learned. Do Not Have Sex With The Authorities.

Lessons To Be Learned

I Know All Those Words, But That Sentence Makes No Sense To Me.

For Some Reason, A Lot Of Hollywood Big Shots Are Curious To See How They'd Be Drawn With Bulging Eyes And No Chin.

I Plead Alignment To The Flakes Of The Untitled Snakes Of A Merry Cow And To The Republicrats For Which They Scam: One Nacho, Underpants With Licorice And Jugs Of Wine For Owls.

How Is Education Supposed To Make Me Feel Smarter? Besides, Every Time I Learn Something New, It Pushes Some Old Stuff Out Of My Brain. Remember When I Took That Home Winemaking Course, And I Forgot How To Drive?

Back In High School, I Wrote A Novel About A Character Named Bart Simpson. I Thought It Was A Very Unusual Name For A Kid At The Time. I Had This Idea Of An Angry Father Yelling "bart," And Bart Sounds Kind Of Like Bark - Like A Barking Dog.

Buy Space Ghost Cereal, But Don't Eat The Prizes.

I'm Normally Not A Praying Man, But If You're Up There, Please Save Me, Superman. Homer Simpson

First You Get The Sugar, Then You Get The Power, Then You Get The Women.

Son, If You Really Want Something In Life, You Have To Work For It. Now Quiet, They're About To Announce The Lottery Numbers.

You've Got To Embrace The Future. You Can Whine About It, But You've Got To Embrace It.

I Was Always Frightened By Taverns. They Just Seemed Like Very Unpleasant Places To Go.

I Have To Say That The Simpsons Comes From A Huge Number Of Great Writers Headed By Al Jean, The Show-runner, And The Work That They Do Is Really Fantastic. It's A Blast Just To Sit Around With Them In The Writers' Room And Listen To All The Filthy Jokes That Will Never Get On The Air.

Oh, Loneliness And Cheeseburgers Are A Dangerous Mix.

A Lot Of Our Writers, Like Conan O'brien, Moved On To Other Things.

I'd Be Vegetarian If Bacon Grew On Trees

Of Course I’ve Gone Mad With Power! Have You Ever Tried Going Mad Without Power? It’s Boring And No One Listens To You! — Russ Cargill

I Think Human Beings Probably Resonate With Audiences More Than Bunnies, But Who Knows?

I Think There Is A Certain Charm To The Hand Drawn Image That I Like. My Problem With Cgi Is That It's So Rich In Texture That My Eyes Actually Get Tired. Everything Is In Focus Down To The Littlest Leaf.

I Thought I Had An Appetite For Destruction, But All I Wanted Was A Club Sandwich.

The Really Great Thing About Having Two Tv Shows Going On At The Same Time Is That I Can Go To One And Say That I Have To Go And Visit The Other And Then I Can Just Go Home And They Don't Know.

I Went Through A Phase Where People Would Introduce Me At Parties As A Cartoonist, And Everybody Felt Sorry For Me. 'oh, Matt's A Cartoonist.' Then People Further Feeling Sorry For Me Would Ask Me To Draw Garfield. Because I'm A Cartoonist, Draw Snoopy Or Garfield Or Something.

One Of The Things I Would Like To Do Is Make Up Stories That I Would Have Enjoyed When I Was A Kid. So, If I'm Thinking About An Audience, It's Usually A Younger Version Of Myself.

Living Creatively Is Really Important To Maintain Throughout Your Life. And Living Creatively Doesn't Mean Only Artistic Creativity, Although That's Part Of It. It Means Being Yourself, Not Just Complying With The Wishes Of Other People.

Most Tv Shows Don't Reward You For Paying Attention.

If At First You Don't Succeed - Give It Up. It Isn't Worth The Pain.

When I Look At The Smiles On All The Children's Faces...i Just Know They're About To Jab Me With Something.

With Animation Because You Can Draw Anything And Do Anything And Have The Characters Do Whatever You Want The Tendency Is To Be Very Loose With The Boundaries And The Rules.

Families Are About Love Overcoming Emotional Torture.

Don't Have A Cow, Man.

Our Solution On 'the Simpsons' Is To Do Jokes That People Who Have An Education, Or Some Frame Of Reference, Can Get. And For The Ones Who Don't, It Doesn't Matter, Because We Have Homer Banging His Head And Saying, 'd'oh!'

Never! Never, Marge! I Can't Live The Button-down Life Like You. I Want It All: The Terrifying Lows, The Dizzying Highs, The Creamy Middles! Sure, I Might Offend A Few Of The Bluenoses With My Cocky Stride And Musky Odors -- Oh, I'll Never Be The Darling Of The So-called 'city Fathers' Who Cluck Their Tongues, Stroke Their Beards, And Talk About "what's To Be Done With This Homer Simpson?!

The Conundrum That I Face On A Daily Basis Is That I Have Two Sons Who Have Grown Up Watching 'the Simpsons,' So They Know Exactly What Buttons To Push. They Know How Bart Irritates Homer, And They Use These Lines Against Me To Tell Me That I'm Not Funny Anymore.

Homer No Function Beer Well Without.

I'm Better Than Dirt. Well, Most Kinds Of Dirt, Not That Fancy Store-bought Dirt... I Can't Compete With That Stuff.

'the Simpsons' Was About Children And Married Parents; 'futurama' Is About People In Between; They're Growing Up And Haven't Settled Down. Every Other Cartoon Show Seemed To Be, You Know, Dumb Dad, Bratty Kids.

My Standard Comment Is, If You Don't Want Your Kids To Be Like Bart Simpson, Don't Act Like Homer Simpson.

Nihilism In American Comedy Came Along Way Before 'the Simpsons.' There Was A Fairly Nihilistic Point Of View To 'saturday Night Live,' For Instance, Back In The Beginning, And A Lot Of Really Dark Comedy Had A Really Anti-sentimental Take On Life.

People Go Into Cartooning Because They're Shy And They're Angry. That's When You're Sitting In The Back Of A Classroom Drawing The Teacher.

I May Be Biting Off More Than I Can Chew, But With 'the Simpsons' And With 'futurama,' What I'm Trying To Do In The Guise Of Light Entertainment, If This Is Possible - Is Nudge People, Jostle Them A Little, Wake Them Up To Some Of The Ways In Which We're Being Manipulated And Exploited.

Did You Hear Something?" "no." "did I Hear Something?" "...i Don't Know.

On 'the Simpsons,' I Will Say That We Definitely Like To Comment On What's Going On In The World, And We Try To Be Funny. If We Can Figure Out A Way Of Being Funny About It, Then We've Gone Part Of The Way Of Accomplishing Our Task.

You Know Boys, A Nuclear Reactor Is A Lot Like Women. You Just Have To Read The Manual And Press The Right Button.

Nuclear Reactors

I Was Very Disturbed When Jesus Found A Demon In A Guy, And He Put The Demon In A Herd Of Pigs, Then Sent Them Off A Cliff. What Did The Pigs Do? I Could Never Figure That Out. It Just Seemed Very Un-christian. Technically, I'm An Agnostic, But I Definitely Believe In Hell -- Especially After Watching The Fall Tv Schedule.

Ned, Have You Considered Any Of The Other Major Religions? They're All Pretty Much The Same.

Aren't We Forgeting The True Meaning Of Christmas? You Know, The Birth Of Santa.

How Can I Be Expected To Love Someone Who Tries Such Crude Manipulations As Bringing Me Breakfast In Bed?

Are We Alone In An Uncaring Universe, Or Is God Some Kind Of Wiseguy?

Let's Face It, All The Good Stuff Happens After Midnight.

Here's To Alcohol: The Cause Of, And Answer To, All Of Life's Problems.

When Will I Learn? The Answers To Life's Problems Aren't At The Bottom Of A Bottle. They're On Tv!

The Tendency In Comedy Is To Have A Character Who's Stupid Get More Stupid, Because You're Trying To Top Yourself And Not Just Repeat.

I Grew Up Completely Overwhelmed By Tv, And Part Of The Reason Why I Have Gone Into Television Is As A Way To Justify To Myself All Those Wasted Hours Of Watching Tv As A Kid. I Can Now Look Back And Say, 'oh, That Was Research.'

I Know For A Fact, Obviously, Because My Kids Grew Up Watching The Show, That There Are Some Things They Are Introduced To From 'the Simpsons', And Then Later In Life They See The Thing We're Parodying. My Kids Had Not Seen 'casablanca,' And We'd Done Parodies Of 'casablanca.'

I Had Been Drawing My Weekly Comic Strip, 'life In Hell,' For About Five Years When I Got A Call From Jim Brooks, Who Was Developing 'the Tracey Ullman Show' For The Brand-new Fox Network. He Wanted Me To Come In And Pitch An Idea For Doing Little Cartoons On That Show.

Sometimes People Try To Read Into My Strip And Find Out What My State Of Mind Is. And I Can Say If I'm In A Good Mood, Generally The Comic Strip Starts Out In A Good Mood, But The Punchline Is Very Negative And Sour.

You Toyed With My Heart, Like It Was A Toy Heart. (lisa Simpson)

'the Simpsons' Basically - And 'futurama' - Are Really Smart Shows. They're Kind Of Disguised As These Goofy Animated Sitcoms, But The References Within The Shows, If You're Paying Attention, Are Pretty Smart And Pretty Sophisticated.

'the Simpsons' Is About Alienation And The Ambivalence Of Living With A Family Who You Love But Who Drive You Completely Crazy.

'the Simpsons' Is An Especially Collaborative Show.

One Of The Great Things About The Internet Is That You Can Read What Everybody Has To Say About Everything. It Is Fascinating To Me, The Critiques About Humor By People Who Have No Sense Of Humor.

Vampires Are Make-believe, Like Elves, Gremlins, And Eskimos.

Cartooning Is For People Who Can't Quite Draw And Can't Quite Write. You Combine The Two Half-talents And Come Up With A Career.

'adult Swim' On The Cartoon Network Is Unbelievable. And 'south Park' Continues To Do Great Stuff. And 'family Guy' And The Various Other Seth Macfarlane Projects Are Amazing.

I Loved Literary Science Fiction. In Fact, As A Kid, When I Was Reading Science Fiction, I Thought 'i Can't Wait For The Future When The Special Effects Are Good' To Represent What Was In These Books By Arthur C. Clarke, Alfred Bester, Philip K. Dick, J.g. Ballard, Jack Vance.

We Have 'doctor Who' References On 'futurama,' But We Have A Lot Of Science Fiction References That I Don't Get; But In The Staff We Have Experts On 'star Trek,' 'star Wars,' 'doctor Who' And 'dungeons And Dragons.'

I’ll Keep It Short And Sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These Are The Three Demons You Must Slay If You Wish To Succeed In Business.

Part Of The Fun Of Being Alive Is Knowing That You're Annoying The Hell Out Of Someone Else.

When Dvds Finally Disappear, I'm Going To Be Sad. I'll Miss The Commentaries.

You Just Have To Keep In Mind That The Important Relationship Is The Relationship With The Audience. That's What I Try To Do. Everything Else Is Secondary.

Important Relationships

Think Beer; Drink Beer.

Weaseling Out Of Things Is Important To Learn. It's What Separates Us From The Animals... Except The Weasel.

'the Simpsons' From The Very Beginning Was Based On Our Memories Of Brash '60s Sitcoms - You Had A Main Title Theme That Was Bombastic And Grabbed Your Attention - And When You Look At Tv Shows Of The 1970s And '80s, Things Got Very Mild And Toned Down And... Obsequious.

Do My Worst, Eh? Smithers, Release The Robotic Richard Simmons." --mr. Burns

We've Got A Bunch Of New Writers Now Who Tell Me They Grew Up Watching The Simpsons. It's Bizarre, And They're Writing Some Very Funny Stuff.

I Didn't Lie, I Was Writing Fiction With My Mouth.

I Think In Daily Newspapers, The Way Comic Strips Are Treated, It's As If Newspaper Publishers Are Going Out Of Their Way To Kill The Medium. They're Printing The Comics So Small That Most Strips Are Just Talking Heads, And If You Look Back At The Glory Days Of Comic Strips, You Can See That They Were Showcases For Some Of The Best Pop Art Ever To Come Out.

God Often Gives Nuts To Toothless People.

I'm Not Going To Stop Torturing Myself Till I Figure Out The Cause Of My Pain.

Basically, Everything I Try To Do Is To Present An Alternative To What Somebody Else Is Doing.

I Draw A Weekly Comic Strip Called Life In Hell, Which Is Syndicated In About 250 Newspapers. That's What I Did Before The Simpsons, And What I Plan To Do For The Rest Of My Life.

My Life Changed When I Was Able To Not Only Get Seated In Nice Restaurants, I Was Given Free Appetizers. That Was Like, "oh, My God, I've Arrived".

Science Fiction And Comedy Are Generally A Pretty Bumpy Mix.

Science Fiction

America's Health Care System Is Second Only To Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, Well ... All Of Europe. But You Can Thank Your Lucky Starts We Don't Live In Paraguay!

Actually, I've Been Working On A Plan. During The Exam, I'll Hide Under Some Coats, And Hope That Somehow Everything Will Work Out.

I Also Found Child's Play - Stuff That Was Not Considered Serious, But Goofy - Was The Stuff I Liked To Do, So I Still Do It As An Adult.

But Marge, What If We Chose The Wrong Religion? Each Week We Just Make God Madder And Madder.

The World Ends When I Die. And As Far As I'm Concerned, The Rest Of The Universe Might As Well Call It A Day Too.

Well, Most Grown-ups Forget What It Was Like To Be A Kid. I Vowed That I Would Never Forget.

When Will People Learn? Democracy Doesn't Work!" (homer Simpson)

The Next Time You Are Contemplating A Decision In Which You Are Debating Whether Or Not To Go For The Gusto, Ask Yourself This Important Question: "how Long Am I Going To Be Dead?" With That Perspective, You Can Now Make A Free, Fearless Choice To Do Just About Any Goddamned Sneaky Thing Your Devious Little Mind Can Think Up. Go Ahead. Have Your Fun. You're Welcome. Go On. See You In Hell.

With 'futurama,' I Was Just Worried That Somebody Would Beat Us To It; It Seemed So Obvious That There Should Be An Animated Science Fiction Show Set In The Future. And One Of The Reasons Why It's Not, I Learned, Is That It's Really, Really Difficult.

Fans Think They Want To See More Than The 10 To 20 Seconds Of Itchy And Scratchy That We Put On The Show, But My Feeling Is Less Is More. Once You've Skinned And Flayed A Cat, Ripped His Head Off, Made Him Drink Acid And Tied His Tongue To The Moon, There Really Isn't That Much To Say.

It's A Funny Show. The Characters Are Surprisingly Likable, Given How Ugly They Are. We've Got This Huge Cast Of Characters That We Can Move Around. And Over The Last Few Seasons, We've Explored Some Of The Secondary Characters' Personal Lives A Bit More.

I Believe That Children Are Our Future. Unless We Stop Them Now.

Love Is A Perky Elf Dancing A Merry Little Jig And Then Suddenly He Turns On You With A Miniature Machine Gun.

Oftentimes, What Seems To Be A Street Lunatic Charging At Me Spouting Gibberish Turns Out To Be A Devoted 'simpsons' Fan Quoting Their Favorite Line.

You Tried Your Best And You Failed Miserably. The Lesson Is 'never Try.' Homer Simpson

I Like The 'simpsons' Pinball Machines. Those Are Pretty Great.

I Think 'family Guy' And 'american Dad' Have Definitely Staked Out Their Own Style And Territory, And Now The Accusations Are Coming That 'the Simpsons' Is Taking Jokes From 'family Guy.' And I Can Tell You, That Ain't The Case.

If God Didn't Want Us To Eat Cows, Why Are They Made Out Of Meat?

'the Simpsons' Obviously Is A Huge Success, And Fox Has Nothing To Do With Its Success, With Its Creative Success, And As A Result They Don't Really Like The Show. They Don't Like 'the Simpsons' At Fox.

I Love The Idea That We Put In Jokes The Kids Don't Get. And That Later, When They Grow Up And Read A Few Books And Go To College And Watch The Show Again, They Can Get It On A Completely Different Level.

I Would Prefer To Listen To A French Classical Composer Like Olivier Messiaen Than To The Pop Hits Of The Day.

Classical Composers

Sometimes People Get Mad At The Simpsons' Subversive Story Telling, But There's Another Message In There, Which Is A Celebration Of Making Wild, Funny Stories.

No Matter How Good You Are At Something, There's Always About A Million People Better Than You.

Your Cable Television Is Experiencing Difficulties. Please Do Not Panic. Resist The Temptation To Read Or Talk To Loved Ones. Do Not Attempt Sexual Relations, As Years Of Tv Radiation Have Left Your Genitals Withered And Useless.

I Like All Of The Early Relationship Strips That Were Collected In 'love Is Hell,' Where I Pretended To Be An Expert In Relationships And Did Comics Like 'the Nine Types Of Boyfriends,' 'sixteen Ways To End A Relationship,' 'twenty-four Things Not To Say In Bed,' And Other Arbitrarily Numbered Lists.

I'm A Fan Of Animation And So, The More Stuff That Doesn't Look Like The Other Stuff That's Out There, I'm In Favor.

American Culture Has A Lot Of Great Moustaches In Its History. Mark Twain Had A Great Moustache, Charlie Chaplin, Ben Turpin ... But Zappa, He's Got The Best Moustache In American History. Got The Moustache, Right, And He's Got That Little Thing On His Chin, I Think It's Called An Imperial, That Is, Like, The Coolest Thing. That's Like One Of The Great Icons Of The Twentieth Century.

We Did 'the Simpsons Movie,' Which Took Almost Four Years; It Was The Same People That Do The Tv Show, And It Just Killed Us. So That's Why There Hasn't Been A Second Movie. But I Imagine If The Show Ever Does Go Off The Air, They'll Start Doing Movies.

Because Good Writing In A Tv Cartoon Is So Rare, I Think The Animation On The Simpsons Is Often Overlooked.

I Always Say That 'futurama' Is Real, And 'the Simpsons' Is Fiction.

I Judge My Life By How Miserable It Used To Be. If I Could Pay My Rent, I Was Deliriously Happy. Now I'm Deliriously Happy All The Time.

It's Not Easy To Juggle A Pregnant Wife And A Troubled Child, But Somehow I Managed To Fit In Eight Hours Of Tv A Day.

Solitude Never Hurt Anyone. Emily Dickinson Lived Alone, And She Wrote Some Of The Most Beautiful Poetry The World Has Ever Known... Then Went Crazy As A Loon." Lisa Simpson

If Something Is Too Hard To Do, Then It's Not Worth Doing. You Just Stick That Guitar In The Closet Next To Your Shortwave Radio, Your Karate Outfit And Your Unicycle And We'll Go Inside And Watch Tv.

English? Who Needs That? I'm Never Going To England.

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Short, Brutish Existence As A Sentient Creature Before Being Snuffed Out Into Utter Nothingness For All Eternity.

I'm A Writer Who Just Happens To Draw.

I Like My Beer Cold, My Tv Loud, And My Homosexuals Flaming.

You Know, The Courts May Not Be Working Any More, But As Long As Everyone Is Videotaping Everyone Else, Justice Will Be Done.

I've Been Deadline-driven For My Whole Grown-up Life, And That Hasn't Gone Away. It Is Nice To Be Able To Reflect About The Big Picture, About What Kind Of Stories You Want To Tell, And How To Take Advantage Of Success.

I Always Thought That Television Was The Way To Go In My Goal To Invade Pop Culture Because It Got To Towns In Which There Were No Bookstores. That's How I Used To Think Of It: How Do I Reach Kids Who Not Only Don't Read But Probably Have No Access To Much In The Way Of Books?

When You Do Things Right, People Won't Be Sure You've Done Anything At All.

Everybody Doesn't Have To Get Every Joke. People Really Appreciate Not Being Condescended To.

Warning Signs That Lover Is Bored: 1. Passionless Kisses 2. Frequent Sighing 3. Moved, Left No Forwarding Address.

I Have Less To Do With 'the Simpsons' Every Season, But I Stick My Nose In Here And There. Basically, It's Just Trying To Keep The Characters Consistent And Making Sure The Show Has A Soul.

I Pledge Impertinence To The Flag Waving, Of The Unindicted Co-conspirators Of America, And To The Republicans For Which I Can't Stand, One Abomination, Underhanded Fraud, Indefensible, With Liberty And Justice.. Forget It.

The Amazing Thing About Freak Out! Was That There Was Nothing Quite Like It In Rock 'n Roll At The Time. It Was Really Simultaneously Crude And Ugly, And Incredibly Sophisticated. The Beatles Were Funny, But There Was Nothing With The Kind Of Sneer That You Could Feel In The Music Of Frank Zappa.

I'm Presently Incarcerated. Convicted Of A Crime I Didn't Even Commit. Hah! "attempted Murder"? Now Honestly, What Is That? Do They Give A Nobel Prize For Attempted Chemistry? Do They?

The Entire World Of Grown-ups Is Corrupt And Stupid.

But We All Had An Agreement To Let Each Other Get Away With Everything! That's Capitalism!

A Lot Of American Shows Don't Last For As Long As 12 Episodes. They Get Cut After One. But Certainly One Of The Great Things About The Office In Particular Was That There Was A Beginning, A Middle And An End.

You Should Listen To Your Heart, And Not The Voices In Your Head.

If People Only Knew How Much I Secretly Hated Them, They'd Love Me For Holding It In.

There's Always Room Out There For The Hand-drawn Image. I Personally Like The Imperfection Of Hand Drawing As Opposed To The Slick Look Of Computer Animation. But You Can Do Good Stuff Either Way. The Pixar Movies Are Amazing In What They Do, But There's Plenty Of Independent Animators Who Are Doing Really Amazing Things As Well.

Since I Was There In The Very Beginning, I Know The History Of The Characters. So, I Make Comments About The Tone And Sometimes Remind The Writers That We've Done That Before.

Masturbation Is Nothing To Be Ashamed Of. It's Nothing To Be Particularly Proud Of, Either.

I Don't Mind Sharing The Blame If She'll Just Admit She Started It.

I Think People Who Work In Comedy And Humor Are Hesitant To Analyze It Too Much, Because You Feel Like If You Take It Apart, You'll Break It And Not Be Able To Put It Back Together Again.

I've Loved Science Fiction Ever Since I Was A Little Kid, Mainly From Looking At The Covers Of Science-fiction Magazines And Books, And I've Read Quite Extensively As An Adult.

Being A Good Embalmer Is A Thankless Job.

I've Conducted An Experiment On My Kids. Instead Of Denying Them Access To Media, I've Encouraged It. They Read Comic Books, Play Nintendo And Watch Way Too Much Tv.

The Scary Thing About The Future... There Will Be Tiny Cameras Everywhere, And They'll Be Flying Around Like Mosquitoes And Drones. That Will Be Bad. Drones Are Scary. You Can't Reason With A Drone.

Keep Your Expectations Tiny You'll Go Through Life Not So Whiney.

The Thing That Makes Me Happiest About Simpsons Illustrated Are All The Drawings That We Get From Readers. I Wish We Could Print Them All. They're Really Imaginative. They Show A Lot Of Hard Work.

I Personally Like The Idea Of Newspapers. It's A Good Format. You Can Read It In Whatever Order You Want. You Can Glance At It. There Is Something About A Single Screen And Scrolling Through Pages That Just Doesn't Have The Same Appeal.

If I Have One Technology Tip Of The Day, It's This: No Matter How Good The Video On Youtube Is, Don't Read The Comments, Just Don't, Because It Will Make You Hate All Humans.

The Writers Led By Mike Scully Are Fantastic. And They're Creating Original Stories That Not Only Don't Repeat What We've Already Done, They Also Don't Repeat Anything I've Seen On Television.

Donuts. Is There Anything They Can't Do?

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