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When A Comic Becomes Enamored With His Own Views And Foists Them Off On The Public In A Polemic Way, He Loses Not Only His Sense Of Humor But His Value As A Humorist.

-Johnny Carson

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When A Comic Becomes

Johnny Carson

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When A Comic Becomes Enamored With His Own Views And Foists Them Off On The Public In A Polemic Way, He Loses Not Only His Sense Of Humor But His Value As A Humorist.

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When A Comic Becomes Enamored With His Own Views And Foists Them Off On The Public In A Polemic Way, He Loses Not Only His Sense Of Humor But His Value As A Humorist.

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Do You Know My Dream? I Really Want To Become An Aluminum-siding Salesman.

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Money Gives Me Just One Big Thing That's Really Important, And That's The Freedom Of Not Having To Worry About Money.

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I Never Analyze It. Analyzing It Would Just Be A Waste Of Time. I Just Go Out And Do It.

I Play My Life Straight - The Way I See It. I'm Grateful To Audiences For Watching Me And For Enjoying What I Do - But I'm Not One Of Those Who Believe That A Successful Entertainer Is Made By The Public, As Is So Often Said.

Democracy Is Buying A Big House You Can't Afford With Money You Don't Have To Impress People You Wish Were Dead.

I Am One Of The Lucky People In The World; I Found Something I Always Wanted To Do, And I Have Enjoyed Every Single Minute Of It.

A Two-pound Turkey And A Fifty-pound Cranberry-that's Thanksgiving Dinner At Three Mile Island.

The Champagne They Have Stored Is Getting More Valuable Every Year.

I See A Lot Of New Faces. Especially On The Old Faces.

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I Am Taking The Applause Sign Home, Putting It In The Bedroom.

Democracy Is Welcoming People From Other Lands, And Giving Them Something To Hold Onto. Usually A Mop Or A Leaf Blower.

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They Say Atomic Rad-i-ation Can Hurt Your Reproductive Organs. My Answer Is, So Can A Hockey Stick. But We Don't Stop Building Them.

I Hear That Whenever Someone In The White House Tells A Lie, Nixon Gets A Royalty.

Having Money Gives Me The Freedom To Worry About The Things That Really Matter.

Did You Know Richard Nixon Is The Only President Whose Formal Portrait Was Painted By A Police Sketch Artist?

I Know A Man Who Gave Up Smoking, Drinking, Sex, And Rich Food. He Was Healthy Right Up To The Day He Killed Himself.

Happiness Is Your Dentist Telling You It Won't Hurt And Then Having Him Catch His Hand In The Drill.

New York Is An Exciting Town Where Something Is Happening All The Time, Most Unsolved.

I Can't Go Anywhere Without Being Bugged By Somebody. I'd Love To Just Hike Out Down The Street, Or Drop In A Restaurant, Or Wander In The Park, Or Take My Kids Somewhere Without Collecting A Trail Of People. But I Can't.

Adults Ask Questions As A Child Does. When You Stop Wondering, You Might As Well Put Your Rocker On The Front Porch And Call It A Day.

As You All Know By Now, This Is The 51st Annual Academy Awards. Two Hours Of Sparkling Entertainment Spread Out Over A Four-hour Show.

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