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What Your Soldier Wants - Really, Really Wants - Is No-one Shooting Back At Him.
-Terry Pratchett
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What Your Soldier Wants

Terry Pratchett
What Your Soldier Wants - Really, Really Wants - Is No-one Shooting Back At Him.
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Topic
Soldier
Shooting
Want
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You Are In Favour Of The Common People?” Said Dragon Mildly. The Common People?” Said Vimes. “they’re Nothing Special. They’re No Different From The Rich And Powerful Except They’ve Got No Money Or Power. But The Law Should Be There To Balance Things Up A Bit. So I Suppose I’ve Got To Be On Their Side.
Powerful
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It's The Expression On Their Little Faces I Like, Said The Hogfather. "you Mean Sort Of Fear And Awe And Not Knowing Whether To Laugh Or Cry Or Wet Their Pants?" Yes. Now That Is What I Call Belief.
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Knowing
I Am A Technophile, So There Is No Such Thing As A First Draft. The First Draft Plunges On, And About A Quarter Of The Way Through It I Realise I'm Doing Things Wrong, So I Start Rewriting It. What You Call The First Draft Becomes Rather Like A Caterpillar; It Is Progressing Fairly Slowly, But There Is Movement Up And Down Its Whole Length, The Whole Story Is Being Changed. I Call This Draft Zero, Telling Myself How The Story Is Supposed To Go.
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You Can't Go Around Building A Better World For People. Only People Can Build A Better World For People. Otherwise It's Just A Cage. Besides You Don't Build A Better World By Choppin' Heads Off And Giving Decent Girls Away To Frogs.
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No One Knew Where You Were Before You Were Born, But When You Were Born, It Wasn't Long Before You Found You'd Arrived With Your Return Ticket Already Punched.
Found You
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And Our Lady Friend, She Thinks Life Works Like A Fairy Tale.' Well, That’s Harmless, Isn’t It?' Yeah, But In Fairy Tales, When Someone Dies... It’s Just A Word.
Thinking
Fairy Tale
Yeah
Elves Are Wonderful. They Provoke Wonder. Elves Are Marvellous. They Cause Marvels. Elves Are Fantastic. They Create Fantasies. Elves Are Glamorous. They Project Glamour. Elves Are Enchanting. They Weave Enchantment. Elves Are Terrific. They Beget Terror. The Thing About Words Is That Meanings Can Twist Just Like A Snake, And If You Want To Find Snakes Look For Them Behind Words That Have Changed Their Meaning. No One Ever Said Elves Are Nice. Elves Are Bad.
Nice
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Asking Someone To Repeat A Phrase You'd Not Only Heard Very Clearly But Were Also Exceedingly Angry About Was Around Defcon Ii In The Lexicon Of Squabble.
Phrases
Asking
Lexicon
What I've Always Said Was, Hang In There, Let Me Write What I Want To Write, And You'll Probably Like It.
Writing
Want
Said
And At The Other End Of The Bar The World Is Full Of The Other Type Of Person, Who Has A Broken Glass, Or A Glass That Has Been Carelessly Knocked Over (usually By One Of The People Calling For A Larger Glass) Or Who Had No Glass At All, Because He Was At The Back Of The Crowd And Had Failed To Catch The Barman's Eye.
Eye
Glasses
Broken
I Just Rearrange Words Into A Pleasing Order For Money.
Order
Just Erotic. Nothing Kinky. It's The Difference Between Using A Feather And Using A Chicken.
Differences
Erotic
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Animals Never Spend Time Dividing Experience Into Little Bits And Speculating About All The Bits They've Missed. The Whole Panoply Of The Universe Has Been Neatly Expressed To Them As Things To (a) Mate With, (b) Eat, (c) Run Away From, And (d) Rocks.
Running
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Chaos Is Found In Greatest Abundance Wherever Order Is Being Sought. It Always Defeats Order, Because It Is Better Organized.
Order
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There Was This About Vampires : They Could Never Look Scruffy. Instead, They Were... What Was The Word... Deshabille. It Meant Untidy, But With Bags And Bags Of Style.
Style
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It Was Written In Some Holy Book, Apparently, So That Made It Okay, And Probably Compulsory.
Book
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Made
The Three Rules Of The Librarians Of Time And Space Are: 1) Silence; 2) Books Must Be Returned By No Later Than The Date Shown; And 3) Do Not Interfere With The Nature Of Causality.
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- I Notice You Didn't Laugh, Mr. Black! - No, Your Majesty. We Are Forbidden To Laugh At The Things Kings Say, Sire, Because Otherwise We Would Be At It All Day.
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Grinning Like A Necrophiliac In A Morgue.
Grinning
Morgues
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Smaller-than-medium-jock-but-bigger-than-wee-jock-jock
Jocks
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I Found While Driving In Wyoming That Wearing A Stetson And Driving A Beat-up Pickup Meant You Could Go As Fast As You Like, While The Police Picked Up Californian Winnebagos That Went One Mph Over 55. After All, They Wanted To Bring Money Into The State, Not Merely Circulate It.
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But There Was More To It Than That. As The Amazing Maurice Said, It Was Just A Story About People And Rats. And The Difficult Part Of It Was Deciding Who The People Were, And Who Were The Rats.
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I've Always Felt That What I Have Going For Me Is Not My Imagination, Because Everyone Has An Imagination. What I Have Is A Relentlessly Controlled Imagination. What Looks Like Wild Invention Is Actually Quite Carefully Calculated.
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Real Stupidity Beats Artificial Intelligence Every Time.
Real
Stupidity
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History, Contrary To Popular Theories, Is Kings And Dates And Battles.
Kings
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It Is Possibly Worth Mentioning At This Point That Mr. Young Thought That Paparazzi Was A Kind Of Italian Linoleum.
Italian
Kind
Young
The Trouble Was That He Was Talking In Philosophy But They Were Listening In Gibberish.
Philosophy
Talking
Listening
We Who Think We Are About To Die Will Laugh At Anything.
Death
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Laughing
In Order To Have A Change Of Fortune At The Last Minute, You Have To Take Your Fortune To The Last Minute.
Order
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And Then There Were Cats, Thought Dog. He'd Surprised The Huge Ginger Cat From Next Door And Had Attempted To Reduce It To Cowering Jelly By Means Of The Usual Glowing Stare And Deep-throated Growl, Which Had Always Worked On The Damned In The Past. This Time They Had Earned Him A Whack On The Nose That Had Made His Eyes Water. Cats, Dog Considered, Were Clearly A Lot Tougher Than Lost Souls. He Was Looking Forward To A Further Cat Experiment, Which He Planned Would Consist Of Jumping Around And Yapping Excitedly At It. It Was A Long Shot, But It Just Might Work.
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Humans Can Think Inhuman Thoughts.
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Letitia! What A Name. Halfway Between A Salad And A Sneeze.
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Always Remember That The Crowd That Applauds Your Coronation Is The Same Crowd That Will Applaud Your Beheading. People Like A Show.
People
Crowds
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He Was Currently Wondering Vaguely Who Moey And Chandon Were.
Wonder
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In The Beginning There Was Nothing, Which Exploded.
Humorous
Science
Lords And Ladies
All Tapes Left In A Car For More Than About A Fortnight Metamorphose Into Best Of Queen Albums.
Queens
Car
Albums
I Don’t Think It's Weak To Admit You Made A Mistake. That Takes Strength, If You Ask Me.
Mistake
Thinking
Weakness
Stop Stealing The Funeral Meats Right Now, You Wee Scuggers!" She Shouted. The Feegles Stopped And Stared At Her. Then Rob Anybody Said: "socks Wi'oot Feets?
Funeral
Meat
Stealing
In My Experience, What Every True Artist Wants, Really Wants, Is To Be Paid.
Artist
Want
Very True
Silverfish Looked Down. "oh. Are You A Dwarf?" Cuddy Gave Him A Blank Stare. "are You A Giant?" He Said. "me? Of Course Not!" "ah. Then I Must Be A Dwarf, Yes."
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Giants
Blank
You're Not Allowed To Call Them Dinosaurs Any More," Said Yo-less. "it's Speciesist. You Have To Call Them Pre-petroleum Persons.
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Said
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Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Wizards Because A Refusal Often Offends, I Read Somewhere.
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I Became A Journalist At 17. A Few Hours Later, I Saw My First Dead Body, Which Was Somewhat... Colourful. That's When I Learned You Can Go On Throwing Up After You Run Out Of Things To Throw Up.
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There Was A Man And He Had Eight Sons. Apart From That, He Was Nothing More Than A Comma On The Page Of History. It's Sad, But That's All You Can Say About Some People.
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He'd Heard That Writers Spent All Day In Their Dressing Gowns Drinking Champagne. This Is, Of Course, Absolutely True.
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The Kappamaki, A Whaling Research Ship, Was Currently Researching The Question: How Many Whales Can You Catch In One Week?
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Only In Our Dreams Are We Free. The Rest Of The Time We Need Wages.
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Granny Was An Old-fashioned Witch. She Didn’t Do Good For People, She Did Right By Them.
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I Get It,' Said The Prisoner. 'good Cop, Bad Cop, Eh?' If You Like.' Said Vimes. 'but We're A Bit Short Staffed Here, So If I Give You A Cigarette Would You Mind Kicking Yourself In The Teeth?
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Whatever Happens, They Say Afterwards, It Must Have Been Fate. People Are Always A Little Confused About This, As They Are In The Case Of Miracles. When Someone Is Saved From Certain Death By A Strange Concatenation Of Circumstances, They Say That's A Miracle. But Of Course If Someone Is Killed By A Freak Chain Of Events -- The Oil Spilled Just There, The Safety Fence Broken Just There -- That Must Also Be A Miracle. Just Because It's Not Nice Doesn't Mean It's Not Miraculous.
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William: "i'm Sure We Can All Pull Together, Sir." Vetinari: "oh, I Do Hope Not. Pulling Together Is The Aim Of Despotism And Tyranny. Free Men Pull In All Kinds Of Directions.
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We've Got A Lot Of Experience Of Not Having Any Experience
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Perhaps, If You Knew You Were Going To Die, Your Senses Crammed In As Much Detail As They Could While They Still Had The Chance.
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He Had Never Been Interested In Stories At Any Age, And Had Never Quite Understood The Basic Concept. He'd Never Read A Work Of Fiction All The Way Through. He Did Remember, As A Small Boy, Being Really Annoyed At The Depiction Of Hickory Dickory Dock In A Rag Book Of Nursery Rhymes Because The Clock In The Drawing Was Completely Wrong For The Period.
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Fantasy Is An Exercise Bicycle For The Mind. It Might Not Take You Anywhere, But It Tones Up The Muscles That Can.
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Exercise
Mind
Coming Back To Where You Started Is Not The Same As Never Leaving.
Travel
Adventure
Times Are Changing
Omens Are Everywhere In This World You Just Have To Find The One That Fits.
World
Fit
This World
People Are Content To Wait A Long Time For Salvation, But Prefer Dinner To Turn Up Inside An Hour.
Long
People
Waiting
Truth! Freedom! Justice! And A Hard-boiled Egg!
Eggs
Justice
Boiled Eggs
It Takes Forty Men With Their Feet On The Ground To Keep One Man With His Head In The Air.
Men
Feet
Air
And Sam Vimes Thought: Why Is Young Sam's Nursery Full Of Farmyard Animals Anyway? Why Are His Books Full Of Moo-cows And Baa-lambs? He Is Growing Up In The City. He Will Only See Them On A Plate! They Go Sizzle!
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Book
Animal
I Once Absent-mindedly Ordered Three Mile Island Dressing In A Restaurant And, With Great Presence Of Mind, They Brought Thousand Island Dressing And A Bottle Of Chili Sauce.
Presence Of Mind
Islands
Bottles
I Taught Myself More In The Library Than School Taught Me.
School
Library
Taught
History Isn't Like That. History Unravels Gently, Like An Old Sweater. It Has Been Patched And Darned Many Times, Reknitted To Suit Different People, Shoved In A Box Under The Sink Of Censorship To Be Cut Up For The Dusters Of Propaganda, Yet It Always - Eventually - Manages To Spring Back Into Its Old Familar Shape. History Has A Habit Of Changing The People Who Think They Are Changing It. History Always Has A Few Tricks Up Its Frayed Sleeve. It's Been Around A Long Time.
Spring
Cutting
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I Keep Vaguely Wondering What Macs Are Like, But The Ones I've Seen Spend Too Much Time Being Friendly.
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Too Much
Wonder
One Of The Things Forgotten About The Human Spirit Is That While It Is, In The Right Conditions, Noble And Brave And Wonderful, It Is Also, When You Get Right Down To It, Only Human.
Brave
Noble
Spirit
I Particularly Admire Are Mark Twain And Jerome K. Jerome Who Wrote In A Certain Tone Of Voice Which Was Humane And Understanding Of Humanity, But Always Ready To Annotate Its Little Foibles. I Think I'd Lay My Cards Down On That, And Say That It's That That I'm Trying To Do.
Thinking
Voice
Understanding
Unseen University Was Much Bigger On The Inside. Thousands Of Years As The Leading Establishment Of Practical Magic In A World Where Dimensions Were Largely A Matter Of Chance In Any Case Had Left It Bulging In Places Where It Shouldn't Have Places. There Were Rooms Containing Rooms Which, If You Entered Them, Turned Out To Contain The Room You'd Started With, Which Can Be A Problem If You Are In A Conga Line.
Years
Magic
Unseen
I Have No Fear Of Death Whatsoever. I Suspect That Few People Do, What They All Fear Is What Might Happen In The Years Or Months Before Death.
Years
People
Might
The Diplomatic Thing For Me To Say Is That If Publishers Are Dressing Up Other Authors As Terry Pratchett Clones Then They Are Doing A Disservice To Those Authors. If They Didn't Dress Them As Clones But Did Something Different, Then Those Authors Could Be Pioneering In A Different Sense.
Dressing Up
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Different
If The Government Ever Imposes A Tax On Books - And I Wouldn't Put It Past Them - I'm In Dead Trouble.
Book
Past
Government
The Point Is That If A Book That Had Been Published Three Years Ago Started To Sell Twice As Many All Of A Sudden It Probably Wouldn't Even Get No­ticed. People Wouldn't Be Tracking It. The System Has Cleaned Up Its Act An Awful Lot But The Best-seller List System Is Not An Entirely Foolproof Thing.
Book
Years
People
They Always Gives Me Bath Salts," Complained Nobby. "and Bath Soap And Bubble Bath And Herbal Bath Lumps And Tons Of Bath Stuff And I Can't Think Why, 'cos It's Not As If I Hardly Ever Has A Bath. You'd Think They'd Take The Hint, Wouldn't You?
Thinking
Giving
Hints
Well, The Traveling Teachers Do Come Through Every Few Months," Said The Baron. "yes, Sir, I Know, Sir, And They're Useless, Sir. They Teach Facts, Not Understanding. It's Like Teaching People About Forests By Showing Them A Saw. I Want A Proper School, Sir, To Teach Reading And Writing, And Most Of All Thinking, Sir, So People Can Find What They're Good At, Because Someone Doing What They Really Like Is Always An Asset To Any Country, And Too Often People Never Find Out Until It's Too Late.
Country
Teacher
Teaching
Picture A Tall, Dark Figure, Surrounded By Cornfields... No, You Can't Ride A Cat. Who Ever Heard Of The Death Of Rats Riding A Cat? The Death Of Rats Would Ride Some Kind Of Dog. Picture More Fields, A Great Horizon-spanning Network Of Fields, Rolling In Gentle Waves... Don't Ask Me I Don't Know. Some Kind Of Terrier, Maybe. ...fields Of Corn, Alive, Whispering In The Breeze... Right, And The Death Of Fleas Can Ride It Too. That Way You Kill Two Birds With One Stone. ...awaiting The Clockwork Of The Seasons. Metaphorically.
Dog
Cat
Dark
It's Hard To Be Famous And Alive.
Alive
Hard
Although The Scythe Isn't Pre-eminent Among The Weapons Of War, Anyone Who Has Been On The Wrong End Of, Say, A Peasants' Revolt Will Know That In Skilled Hands It Is Fearsome.
War
Hands
Weapons
The First Draft Is Just You Telling Yourself The Story.
Writing
Stories
Firsts
Eight Years Involved With The Nuclear Industry Have Taught Me That When Nothing Can Possible Go Wrong And Every Avenue Has Been Covered, Then Is The Time To Buy A House On The Next Continent.
Eight
Years
House
Next Comes The Realist Phase ("after All, From A Purely Geometrical Point Of View A Cat Is Only A Tube With A Door At The Top.")
Cat
Doors
Views
You Can't Trample Infidels When You're A Tortoise. I Mean, All You Could Do Is Give Them A Meaningful Look.
Meaningful
Giving
Looks
They Can Ta'k Our Lives But They Can Never Ta'k Our Freedom!' Now There's A Battle Cry Not Designed By A Clear Thinker
Battle
Cry
Thinker
No One Thinks That Young Adults Read Hooks For Young Adults, Books For Young Adults Are Read By Kids.
Book
Kids
Thinking
He Helped The Librarian Up. There Was A Red Glow In The Ape's Eyes. It Had Tried To Steal His Books. This Was Probably The Best Proof Any Wizard Could Require That The Trolleys Were Brainless.
Book
Eye
Wizards
Cats Will Amusingly Tolerate Humans Only Until Someone Comes Up With A Tin Opener That Can Be Operated With A Paw.
Cat
Tin
Paws
I Wrote Three Books, I Had Three Greenhouses. It Seemed To Me To Be Very Satisfactory.
Book
Three
Greenhouses
Things Have No Power That Humans Don't Put There.
Honesty
Humans
It Must Be Powerful Language If You Canna Make Oout What The Heel It’s Goin’ On Aboot!
Powerful
Language
Heels
Life Doesn't Happen In Chapters - At Least, Not Regular Ones.
Chapters
Happens
But The Helmet Had Gold Decoration, And The Bespoke Armorers Had Made A New Gleaming Breastplate With Useless Gold Ornamentation On It. Sam Vimes Felt Like A Class Traitor Every Time He Wore It. He Hated Being Thought Of As One Of Those People That Wore Stupid Ornamental Armor. It Was Gilt By Association.
Stupid
Class
People
Nigel Gave The Lamp A Cautious Buff And Small Smoking Red Letters Appeared In The Air. "hi," Nigel Read Aloud, "do Not Put Down The Lamp Because Your Custom Is Important To Us. Please Leave A Wish After The Tone And, Very Shortly, It Will Be Our Command. In The Meantime, Have A Nice Eternity."
Nice
Air
Smoking
You Can't Build A Plot Out Of Jokes. You Need Tragic Relief. And You Need To Let People Know That When A Lot Of Frightened People Are Running Around With Edged Weaponry, There Are Deaths. Stupid Deaths, Usually. I'm Not Writing 'the A-team' - If There's A Fight Going On, People Will Get Hurt. Not Letting This Happen Would Be A Betrayal.
Running
Hurt
Betrayal
The Librarian Considered Matters For A While. So…a Dwarf And A Troll. He Preferred Both Species To Humans. For One Thing, Neither Of Them Were Great Readers. The Librarian Was, Of Course, Very Much In Favor Of Reading In General, But Readers In Particular Got On His Nerves. There Was Something, Well, Sacrilegious About The Way They Kept Taking Books Off The Shelves And Wearing Out The Words By Reading Them. He Liked People Who Loved And Respected Books, And The Best Way To Do That, In The Librarian’s Opinion, Was To Leave Them On The Shelves Where Nature Intended Them To Be.
Book
Reading
Dwarves
I See Evil When I Look In My Shaving Mirror. It Is, Philosophically, Present Everywhere In The Universe In Order, Apparently, To Highlight The Existence Of Good. I Think There Is More To This Theory, But I Tend To Burst Out Laughing At This Point.
Thinking
Mirrors
Order
When A Man Is Tired Of Ankh-morpork, He Is Tired Of Ankle-deep Slurry.
Tired
Men
Ankles
Here's What I Suggest," He Said. "you Pretend That Rats Can Think, And I'll Promise To Pretend That Humans Can Think, Too.
Thinking
Promise
Rats
I Think It's Impossible For Anyone Famous To Come From Here, Because Everyone Around Here Is Insane.
Thinking
Insane
Impossible
Little Crimes Breed Big Crimes. You Smile At Little Crimes And Then Big Crimes Blow Your Head Off.
Blow
Littles
Crime
When I Was A Kid, I Read The Science-fiction Shelves, And I Read The Fantasy Shelves.
Kids
Fiction
Fantasy
The People Of Ankh-morpork Had A Straightforward, No-nonsense Approach To Entertainment, And While They Were Looking Forward To Seeing A Dragon Slain, They'd Be Happy To Settle Instead For Seeing Someone Being Baked Alive In His Own Armour. You Didn't Get The Chance Every Day To See Someone Baked Alive In Their Own Armour. It Would Be Something For The Children To Remember.
Children
Dragons
People
They Were Indeed What Was Known As 'old Money', Which Meant That It Had Been Made So Long Ago That The Black Deeds Which Had Originally Filled The Coffers Were Now Historically Irrelevant. Funny, That: A Brigand For A Father Was Something You Kept Quiet About, But A Slave-taking Pirate For A Great-great-great-grandfather Was Something To Boast Of Over The Port. Time Turned The Evil Bastards Into Rogues, And Rogue Was A Word With A Twinkle In Its Eye And Nothing To Be Ashamed Of.
Father
Eye
Long Ago
When You Can Flatten Entire Cities At A Whim, A Tendency Towards Quiet Reflection And Seeing-things-from-the-other-fellow's-point- Of-view Is Seldom Necessary.
Reflection
Views
Cities
Remember - That Which Does Not Kill Us Can Only Make Us Stronger. And That Which Does Kill Us Leaves Us Dead!
Stronger
Doe
Remember
If You Really Want To Upset A Witch, Do Her A Favor Which She Has No Means Of Repaying. The Unfulfilled Obligation Will Nag At Her Like A Hangnail.
Mean
Upset
Favors
It Is A Long-cherished Tradition Among A Certain Type Of Military Thinker That Huge Casualties Are The Main Thing. If They Are On The Other Side Then This Is A Valuable Bonus.
Military
Long
Bonus
He's Probably Their Battle Poet, Too." "you Mean He Makes Up Heroic Songs About Famous Battles?" "no, No. He Recites Poems That Frighten The Enemy....when A Well-trained Gonnagle Starts To Recite, The Enemy's Ears Explode.
Song
Mean
Enemy
The Thief, As Will Become Apparent, Was A Special Type Of Thief. This Thief Was An Artist Of Theft. Other Thieves Merely Stole Everything That Was Not Nailed Down, But This Thief Stole The Nails As Well.
Artist
Special
Nails
People's Whole Lives Do Pass In Front Of Their Eye Before They Die. The Process Is Called "living".
Eye
People
Dying
It Doesn't Stop Being Magic Just Because You Know How It Works.
Science
Technology
Magic
A Lot Hinges On The Fact That, In Most Circumstances, People Are Not Allowed To Hit You With A Mallet. They Put Up All Kinds Of Visible And Invisible Signs That Say, 'do Not Do This' In The Hope That It'll Work, But If It Doesn't, Then They Shrug, Because There Is, Really, No Real Mallet At All.
Real
People
Facts
Commander, I Always Used To Consider That You Had A Definite Anti-authoritarian Streak In You.” “sir?” “it Seems That You Have Managed To Retain This Even Though You Are Authority.” “sir?” “that’s Practically Zen.
Authority
Used
Streaks
Are You A Devious, Plotting, Unreliable Madman? Ah, Good, Then You Can Be My Most Trusted Advisor.
Advisors
Madmen
Interesting Times
You've Got A Lot Of Time For Abstract Thought When You've Got Your Hand Stuck Up A Dead Badger.
Hands
Stuck Up
Abstract
The Days Followed One Another Patiently. Right Back At The Beginning Of The Multiverse They Had Tried All Passing At The Same Time, And It Hadn't Worked.
Passing
Multiverse
Passings
The Power Of Prayer And Faith Can Heal And Bring Happiness. The Real Tragedy Is That The People That Are Helped By This Don't Realize That This Power Is Really Coming From Within.
Prayer
Real
People
What Was Supposed To Be So Special About A Full Moon? It Was Only A Big Circle Of Light. And The Dark Of The Moon Was Only Darkness. But Halfway Between The Two, When The Moon Was Between The Worlds Of Light And Dark, When Even The Moon Lived On The Edge...maybe Then A Witch Could Believe In The Moon.
Believe
Dark
Moon
There Are Times In Life When People Must Know When Not To Let Go. Balloons Are Designed To Teach Small Children This.
Letting Go
Children
People
You Fear To Die? "it's Not That I Don't Want... I Mean, I've Always...it's Just That Life Is A Habit That's Hard To Break.
Life
Mean
Want
I Don't Think I've Drunk Enough Beer To Understand That.
Drinking
Beer
Thinking
It's Not Morbid To Talk About Death. Most People Don't Worry About Death, They Worry About A Bad Death.
People
Worry
Morbid
Personally, I Think The Best Motto For An Educational Establishment Is: 'or Would You Rather Be A Mule?'
Educational
Thinking
Mules
Rincewind Gave His Fingers A Long Shocked Stare, As One Might Regard A Gun That Has Been Hanging On The Wall For Decades And Has Suddenly Gone Off And Perforated The Cat.
Wall
Cat
Gun
The Thing With Crowns Is, It Isn't The Putting Them On That's The Problem, It's The Taking Them Off.
Crowns
Problem
If He'd Been A Hero, He Would Have Taken The Opportunity To Say, "that's What I Call Sorted!" Since He Wasn't A Hero, He Threw Up.
Taken
Hero
Opportunity
No One's Policing Their Own Minds More Than An Author. You Spend A Lot Of Time In Your Own Head Analysing What You Think About Things, And A Philosophy Comes.
Philosophy
Thinking
Mind
I Know It's A Very Human Thing To Say 'is There Anything I Can Do', But In This Case I Would Only Entertain Offers From Very High-end Experts In Brain Chemistry.
Brain
Experts
Chemistry
One Day I'll Work Out What It Is You Are Saying, My Lad, And Then You'll Be In Trouble.
Work Out
One Day
Trouble
Studies Have Shown That An Ant Can Carry One Hundred Times Its Own Weight, But There Is No Known Limit To The Lifting Power Of The Average Tiny Eighty-year-old Spanish Peasant Grandmother.
Grandmother
Average
Years
Just Call In At The Torturer On Your Way Out. See When He Can Fit You In.
Way
Fit
I Would Not Like It Thought That I Do Not Buy My Own Paperclips, Sir. I Enjoy Owning My Own Paperclips. It Means They Are Mine.
Mean
Enjoy
Mines
Anyway, It's Like With Bikes,' Said The First Speaker Authoritatively. 'i Thought I Was Going To Get This Bike With Seven Gears And One Of Them Razorblade Saddles And Purple Paint And Everything, And They Gave Me This Light Blue One. With A Basket. A Girl's Bike.' 'well. You're A Girl,' Said One Of The Others. 'that's Sexism, That Is. Going Around Giving People Girly Presents Just Because They're A Girl.
Girl
Light
Blue
I Should Have Learned This, She Thought. I Wanted To Learn Fire, And Pain, But I Should Have Learned People.
Pain
Fire
Should Have
In The World I Live In, 'not Worse' Is Nearly As Good As 'better'.
World
"and What Would Humans Be Without Love?" Rare, Said Death.
Love
Life
Romantic
Geography Is Just Physics Slowed Down, With A Couple Of Trees Stuck In It.
Couple
Tree
Physics
People Don't Alter History Any More Than Birds Alter The Sky, They Just Make Brief Patterns In It.
Sky
People
Bird
I Don’t See Why It Matters What Is Written. Not When It’s About People. It Can Always Be Crossed Out.
People
Matter
Good Omens
Natural Selection Saw To It That Professional Heroes Who At A Crucial Moment Tended To Ask Themselves Questions Like 'what Is My Purpose In Life?' Very Quickly Lacked Both.
Hero
Purpose
Saws
She Had Heard It Said That, Before You Could Understand Anybody, You Needed To Walk A Mile In Their Shoes, Which Did Not Make A Whole Lot Of Sense, Because Probably After You Had Walked A Mile In Their Shoes, You Would Understand That They Were Chasing You And Accusing You Of The Theft Of A Pair Of Shoes--although, Of Course, You Could Probably Outrun Them, Owing To Their Lack Of Footwear.
Shoes
Owing
Pairs
Carpe Jugulum," Read Agnes Aloud. "that's... Well, Carpe Diem Is 'sieze The Day,' So This Means-" "go For The Throat
Mean
Carpe Diem
Throat
No One Is Actually Dead Until The Ripples They Cause In The World Die Away.
Death
Memories
Remembrance
The English Were Notoriously Unenthusiastic About Burning Witches. I Suppose Ours Were Too Soggy.
Burning
Witch
Drinks Like This Tend To Get Called Traffic Lights Or Rainbow's Revenge Or, In Places Where Truth Is More Highly Valued, Hello And Good-bye, Mr. Brain Cell.
Revenge
Light
Cells
Nac Mac Feegle! The Wee Free Men! Nae King! Nae Quin! Nae Laird! Nae Master! We Willna' Be Fooled Again!
Kings
Men
Masters
Before You Can Become A Writer, You Have To Be A Reader, And A Reader Of Everything, At That. To The Best Of My Recollection, I Became A Reader At The Age Of 10 And Have Never Stopped. Like Many Authors, I Read All Sorts Of Books All The Time, And It Is Amazing How The Mind Fills Up.
Book
Mind
Age
You're Allowed To Grant People Into The Darkness, But You Must Allow Them To Come Out Again.
People
Darkness
Grants
Mister Teatime Had A Truly Brilliant Mind, But It Was Brilliant Like A Fractured Mirror, All Marvellous Facets And Rainbows But, Ultimately, Also Something That Was Broken.
Mirrors
Broken
Rainbow
He Was Certain He Was Anorectic, Because Every Time He Looked In A Mirror He Saw A Fat Man. It Was The Archchancellor, Standing Behind Him And Shouting At Him.
Men
Mirrors
Saws
Money Makes People Rich; It Is A Fallacy To Think It Makes Them Better, Or Even That It Makes Them Worse. People Are What They Do, And What They Leave Behind.
Thinking
People
Rich
She Walked Quickly Through The Darkness With The Frank Stride Of Someone Who Was At Least Certain That The Forest, On This Damp And Windy Night, Contained Strange And Terrible Things And She Was It.
Night
Darkness
Forests
Priests Were Metal-reinforced Overshoes. They Saved Your Soles. This Is An Assassin Joke.
Assassins
Priests
Metals
The Whole Of Life Is Just Like Watching A Film. Only It's As Though You Always Get In Ten Minutes After The Big Picture Has Started, And No-one Will Tell You The Plot, So You Have To Work It Out All Yourself From The Clues.
Life
Inspire
Plot
Most Armies Are In Fact Run By Their Sergeants - The Officers Are There Just To Give Things A Bit Of Tone And Prevent Warfare Becoming A Mere Lower-class Brawl.
Running
Army
Class
There Is No Doubt That Being Human Is Incredibly Difficult And Cannot Be Mastered In One Lifetime.
Doubt
Lifetime
Being Human
Gods Don't Like People Not Doing Much Work. People Who Aren't Busy All The Time Might Start To Think.
Thinking
People
Might
Magicians And Scientists Are, On The Face Of It, Poles Apart. Certainly, A Group Of People Who Often Dress Strangely, Live In A World Of Their Own, Speak A Specialized Language And Frequently Make Statements That Appear To Be In Flagrant Breach Of Common Sense Have Nothing In Common With A Group Of People Who Often Dress Strangely, Speak A Specialized Language, Live In ... Er.
Common Sense
People
Magic
His Movements Could Be Called Cat-like, Except That He Did Not Stop To Spray Urine Up Against Things.
Cat
Movement
Discworld
Poetic Simile Was Strictly Limited To Statements Like 'his Mighty Steed Was As Fleet As The Wind On A Fairly Calm Day, Say About Force Three,' And Any Loose Talk About A Beloved Having A Face That Launched A Thousand Ships Would Have To Be Backed By Evidence That The Object Of Desire Did Indeed Look Like A Bottle Of Champagne.
Wind
Desire
Ships
Blessings Be On This House," Granny Said, Perfunctorily. It Was Always A Good Opening Remark For A Witch. It Concentrated People's Minds On What Other Things Might Be On This House.
Blessing
People
House
The Iq Of A Mob Is The Iq Of Its Dumbest Member Divided By The Number Of Mobsters.
Numbers
Mobster
Members
Of Course, It Is Very Important To Be Sober When You Take An Exam. Many Worthwhile Careers In The Street-cleansing, Fruit-picking And Subway-guitar-playing Industries Have Been Founded On A Lack Of Understanding Of This Simple Fact.
Simple
Guitar
Careers
They Say A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing, But It's Not One Half So Bad As A Lot Of Ignorance.
Funny
Learning
Ignorance
Or -- And This She Knew Was A Far More Accurate Way Of Looking At It -- The Book Was True And Reality Was Lying.
Lying
Book
Reality
Actors, Said Granny, Witheringly. As If The World Weren't Full Of Enough History Without Inventing More.
Art
Actors
World
My Idea Of A Good Novel Was One You Made Enough Money Out Of To Buy A Greenhouse.
Ideas
Enough
Made
Matter Exploded Into Being, Apparently As Chaos, But In Fact As A Chord. The Ultimate Power Chord.
Matter
Facts
Chaos
I'd Like To Stand Up For The Rights Of People Who Put Everything On Their Burger - Chutney, Mustard, Pickle, Mustard Pickle, Tomato Sauce... It Is Common Knowledge In My Family That I Can't Tell The Difference Between A Veggie Burger And A Meat One, Because The Ratio Of Burger To Pickles Is So High.
Rights
Differences
People
The Consensus Seemed To Be That If Really Large Numbers Of Men Were Sent To Storm The Mountain, Then Enough Might Survive The Rocks To Take The Citadel. This Is Essentially The Basis Of All Military Thinking.
Peace
Military
War
Nothing Has To Be True Forever. Just For Long Enough, To Tell You The Truth.
Long
Forever
Enough
He'd Been An Angel Once. He Hadn't Meant To Fall. He'd Just Hung Around With The Wrong People.
Fall
Angel
People
The Truth Isn't Easily Pinned To A Page. In The Bathtub Of History The Truth Is Harder To Hold Than The Soap And Much More Difficult To Find.
Pages
Soap
Truth Is
All Assassins Had A Full-length Mirror In Their Rooms, Because It Would Be A Terrible Insult To Anyone To Kill Them When You Were Badly Dressed.
Mirrors
Pyramids
Insulting
She Was Already Learning That If You Ignore The Rules People Will, Half The Time, Quietly Rewrite Them So That They Don't Apply To You.
People
Half
Fantasy
What's Money Interested In? More Money.
More Money
The Reason That Clichés Become Clichés Is That They Are The Hammers And Screwdrivers In The Toolbox Of Communication.
Communication
Hammers
Reason
You Call Yourself Some Kind Of Goddess And You Know Nothing, Madam, Nothing. What Don't Die Can't Live. What Don't Live Can't Change. What Don't Change Can't Learn. The Smallest Creature That Dies In The Grass Knows More Than You.
Kind
Goddess
Grass
The Book Is Not Completely Written Until Someone Else Has Read It.
Book
Written
They Say That The Eyes Of Some Paintings Can Follow You Around The Room, A Fact That I Doubt, But I Am Wondering Whether Some Music Can Follow You For Ever.
Eye
Doubt
Rooms
Whut's The Plan, Rob?" Said One Of Them. "okay, Lads, This Is What We'll Do. As Soon As We See Somethin', We'll Attack It. Right?" This Caused A Cheer. "ach, 'tis A Good Plan," Said Daft Wullie.
Cheer
Said
Okay
Mort Was Hurt By This. It Was One Thing Not To Want To Marry Someone, But Quite Another To Be Told They Didn't Want To Marry You.
Hurt
Want
One Thing
All Holy Piety In Public, And All Peeled Grapes And Self-indulgence In Private.
Self
Holy
Grapes
Particles Of Raw Inspiration Sleet Through The Universe All The Time. Every Once In A While One Of Them Hits A Receptive Mind, Which Then Invents Dna Or The Flute Sonata Form Or A Way Of Making Light Bulbs Wear Out In Half The Time. But Most Of Them Miss. Most People Go Through Their Lives Without Being Hit By Even One.
Inspiration
Light
Dna
Yes, Sir, Thank You, Sir, And I Wouldn’t Trust Me One Little Inch, Sir. I Knows A Bad One When I Sees Them. I Have A Mirror.
Mirrors
Littles
Trust Me
People Who Used Magic Without Knowing What They Were Doing Usually Came To A Sticky End. All Over The Entire Room, Sometimes.
Knowing
People
Magic
I May Be Daft But I'm No' Stupid!
Stupid
May
Daft
What's The Orbital Velocity Of The Moon?
Moon
Velocity
Sam Vimes
Adventure! People Talked About The Idea As If It Were Something Worthwhile, Rather Than A Mess Of Bad Food, No Sleep And Strange People Inexplicably Trying To Stick Pointed Objects In Bits Of You.
Travel
Adventure
Sleep
There's No Such Thing As Writer's Block. That Was Invented By People In California Who Couldn't Write.
Block
Writing
California
No It's Not!" Said Constable Visit. "atheism Is A Denial Of A God." "therefore It Is A Religious Position," Said Dorfl. "indeed, A True Atheist Thinks Of The Gods Constantly, Albeit In Terms Of Denial. Therefore, Atheism Is A Form Of Belief. If The Atheist Truly Did Not Believe, He Or She Would Not Bother To Deny.
Religious
Atheist
Believe
Some People Are Heroes. And Some People Jot Down Notes.
Hero
People
Notes
Whole New Theories Of Money Were Growing Here Like Mushrooms: In The Dark And Based On Bullshit.
Dark
Mushrooms
Bullshit
Every Step Is A First Step If It's A Step In The Right Direction.
Firsts
Steps
Every Step
The Four Horsemen Whose Ride Presages The End Of The World Are Known To Be Death, War, Famine, And Pestilence. But Even Less Significant Events Have Their Own Horsemen. For Example, The Four Horsemen Of The Common Cold Are Sniffles, Chesty, Nostril, And Lack Of Tissues; The Four Horsemen Whose Appearance Foreshadows Any Public Holiday Are Storm, Gales, Sleet, And Contra-flow.
War
Holiday
Storm
Perhaps The Magic Would Last, Perhaps It Wouldn't. But Then Again, What Does?
Magic
Doe
Lasts
A Push-and-go Wooden Duck On Wheels Can Cause Quite A Lot Of Damage If Wielded With Enough Force.
Ducks
Damage
Causes
My Agent Pointed Out One Day That I Had Been Quoted By A Columnist In Some American Newspaper, And He Noted With Some Glee That They Simply Identified Me By Name Without Reminding People Who I Was, Apparently In The Clear Expectation That Their Readers Would Know Who I Am.
Who I Am
Names
People
These Weren't Cheap Modern Books; These Were Books Bound In Leather, And Not Just Leather, But Leather From Clever Cows Who Had Given Their Lives For Literature After A Happy Existence In The Very Best Pastures.
Clever
Book
Literature
In The First Book Of My Discworld Series, Published More Than 26 Years Ago, I Introduced Death As A Character; There Was Nothing Particularly New About This - Death Has Featured In Art And Literature Since Medieval Times, And For Centuries We Have Had A Fascination With The Grim Reaper.
Art
Book
Character
Balance. It Was All About Balance. That Had Been One Of The First Things That She Had Learned: The Centre Of The Seesaw Has Neither Up Nor Down, But Upness And Downness Flow Through It While It Remains Unmoved. You Had To Be The Centre Of The Seesaw So The Pain Flowed Through You, Not Into You. It Was Very Hard. But She Could Do It!
Pain
Balance
Firsts
You Had To Hand It To The Patrician, He Admitted Grudgingly. If You Didn't, He Sent Men To Come And Take It Away.
Men
Hands
Vetinari
Understanding Quotes: Their Essence and Application

Quotes, or quotations, are powerful tools in communication, encapsulating ideas, emotions, and wisdom in concise expressions. They serve various purposes across different contexts, from academic writing to everyday conversation.

1. Defining Quotes

A quote is a repetition of someone else's statement or thoughts. It can be a direct replication of words spoken or written by another individual, often used to support arguments, provide evidence, or convey profound insights.


2. The Importance of Quotes

2.1. Enhancing Credibility

Incorporating quotes from authoritative sources can bolster the credibility of your work. By referencing experts or primary sources, you demonstrate thorough research and a solid foundation for your arguments.


2.2. Providing Evidence

Quotes serve as concrete evidence to support claims. In academic and professional writing, they validate points made, offering readers a basis to trust the information presented.


2.3. Conveying Emotions and Perspectives

Quotes can encapsulate emotions and perspectives succinctly. They allow writers to express complex feelings or viewpoints through the words of others, often more eloquently than paraphrasing.


3. Types of Quotes

3.1. Direct Quotes

Direct quotes involve copying the exact words from a source, enclosed in quotation marks. They are used when the original wording is significant or particularly well-expressed.


3.2. Indirect Quotes (Paraphrasing)

Indirect quotes restate the original message in your own words. While not enclosed in quotation marks, they still require proper attribution to the original source.


3.3. Block Quotes

Block quotes are lengthy direct quotations, formatted as a separate block of text. They are typically used for quotes exceeding a certain length, varying by citation style. For instance, in APA style, quotes longer than 40 words are formatted as block quotes.



4. Proper Usage of Quotes


4.1. Contextual Relevance

Ensure that the quote you choose is relevant to the topic and adds value to your content. Avoid inserting quotes solely for decorative purposes.


4.2. Integration into Your Writing

Seamlessly integrate quotes into your writing. Introduce them appropriately and follow up with analysis or commentary to connect them to your main points.


4.3. Attribution and Citation

Always attribute quotes to their original authors and provide proper citations according to the required style guide (APA, MLA, Chicago, etc.).


5. Common Mistakes to Avoid


5.1. Overusing Quotes

Relying too heavily on quotes can overshadow your voice. Use them sparingly to support your arguments, not replace them.


5.2. Lack of Analysis

Presenting a quote without analysis or explanation can leave readers questioning its relevance. Always follow up with your interpretation or discussion.


5.3. Misquoting or Taking Out of Context

Ensure that quotes are accurate and not taken out of context, as this can mislead readers and undermine your credibility.



6. Quotes in Different Contexts


6.1. Academic Writing

In academic writing, quotes are used to support arguments, provide evidence, and engage with existing literature. Proper citation is crucial to avoid plagiarism.


6.2. Journalism

Journalists use quotes to provide firsthand accounts, add authenticity, and present multiple perspectives within a story.


6.3. Literature and Creative Writing

In literature, quotes can be used to convey character voices, themes, and stylistic elements. They enrich narratives and provide depth to storytelling.



7. Punctuation and Formatting


Understanding the correct punctuation and formatting of quotes is essential:


Quotation Marks: Always enclose direct quotes within quotation marks.


Punctuation Placement: In American English, periods and commas are placed inside quotation marks, while colons and semicolons are placed outside.


Block Quotes: For longer quotes, format them as block quotes without quotation marks, and indent the entire block.



8. Ethical Considerations


Ethical use of quotes involves accurate representation, proper attribution, and respect for intellectual property. Misuse can lead to plagiarism, which carries serious academic and professional consequences.

9. Tools for Managing Quotes


Utilize tools like citation generators and plagiarism checkers to manage quotes effectively. These tools help ensure proper formatting and originality in your writing.



Conclusion


Quotes are invaluable in enriching content, providing evidence, and conveying complex ideas succinctly. When used appropriately, they enhance the quality and credibility of your writing. Always ensure relevance, proper integration, and ethical usage to maximize their impact.


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