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We're All Worm Bait Waiting To Happen. It's What You Do While You Wait That Matters.

-Kinky Friedman

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We're All Worm Bait

Kinky Friedman

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We're All Worm Bait Waiting To Happen. It's What You Do While You Wait That Matters.

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Every Time You See A Beautiful Woman, Just Remember, Somebody Got Tired Of Her.

Like Most Of Us, I Determined That I'd Rather Be A Large Part Of The Problem Than A Small Part Of The Solution.

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Always Respect Your Superiors, If You Have Any.

A Happy Childhood Is The Worst Possible Preparation For Life.

If You're Going To Be An Artist, You Need To Be An Original.

The System Is Not Perfect. Until It's Perfect, Let's Do Away With The Death Penalty.

I'll Keep Us Out Of War With Oklahoma!

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Simón Bolívar Is The Only Person In History To Be Exiled From A Country Named After Him.

I've Achieved Many Of My Dreams, And I Want To See That Some Others Get A Chance To, Especially Younger Texans.

I Came From An Upper-middle Class Home, Which Is Always A Hard Cross For A Country Singer To Bear.

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I Don't See How The People Who Created The Problem Can Fix It. Texas Is Worth Fighting For, And The Best Way To Fight Is To Get The Politicians Out Of Politics.

If You Have The Choice Between Humble And Cocky, Go With Cocky. There's Always Time To Be Humble Later, Once You've Been Proven Horrendously, Irrevocably Wrong.

I Believe That Voices Like Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader Should Be Heard. They Don't Have To Be President. Give 'em A Chance.

When A Stray Animal Crosses Your Path, It May Be As Close To God As You're Going To Get In This Lifetime.

If You Don't Love Jesus-go To Hell!

Friday Night Was The Night Most People Thought They Were Supposed To Have Fun. Trouble Was Most People Didn't Know What Fun Was Or How To Have It, So Things Usually Ended Up Pretty Ugly.

I'll Sign Anything Except Bad Legislation.

I'm Not Pro-life, And I'm Not Pro-choice. I'm Pro-football.

The Reason Educational Spending In Texas Is So Low Is Because You Don't Have A State Tax There, And That's Why Texas Is Big Growth Because You Don't Tax People To Death.

May The God Of Your Choice Bless You.

This System Is Really Broken. No Child Left Behind Has Really Failed And The Only Way To Solve Education Is To Leave One Governor Behind.

Inspiration Thing Is Important, To Teach The Kids That Jfk Is Not An Airport, Rfk's Not A Stadium, Martin Luther King Ain't A Street

The Main Health Hazard In The World Today Is People Who Don't Love Themselves.

The Teachers Are Getting Screwed, Blued, And Tattooed By The System.

Happiness Is A Moving Target.

I'm Not For The Parties. I'm For Texas.

But The Most Dangerous Thing In The World In The World Is To Run The Risk Of Waking Up One Morning And Realizing Suddenly That All This Time You've Been Living Without Really And Truly Living And By Then It's Too Late. When You Wake Up To That Kind Of Realization, It's Too Late For Wishes And Regrets. It's Even Too Late To Dream.

Sleep Came Slower Than A Frigid Woman.

They Probably Would've Taken Jesus If He Hadn't Been Nailed Down.

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An Editor's Job Is To Take Something Great And Make It Good.

Remember, The Legislature Is The Joke, Not Our Campaign.

If You Elect Me The First Jewish Justice Of The Peace, I'll Reduce The Speed Limits To 54.95!

You Don't Accomplish Much By Swimming With The Mainstream. Hell, A Dead Fish Can Do That.

There's A Fine Line Between Fiction And Non-fiction And I Think I Snorted It Somewhere In 1979

How Can You Look At The Texas Legislature And Still Believe In Intelligent Design?

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I Just Want Texas To Be Number One In Something Other Than Executions, Toll Roads And Property Taxes.

The Folks In Mississippi Are Saying, 'thank God For Texas.'

I'm Going To Lower The Drinking Age To Eighteen. If You're Old Enough To Die In Iraq, You're Old Enough To Drink.

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I Admit I Was Drinking A Guinness... But I Did Not Swallow.

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The Democrats And Republicans Are The Same Guy Admiring Themself In The Mirror.

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No Matter Where You Go, You Always See Yourself In The Rearview Mirror.

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True Love Usually Results In A Hostage Situation.

That's The Government. Having Been A Politician And A Musician, I Can Tell You Which One Is A Higher Calling. If Musicians Ran The Country, It Would Be A Much Different Place. We Wouldn't Get A Lot Done In The Mornings, But We'd Work Late.

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I Don't Think I Have Even Achieved Fame. Of Course, Hemingway Says That Fame Is Death's Little Sister.

There Will Be A Whole New Spirit Blowing Through Texas. There Will Be A Smile On Everybody's Face And A Chill Up The Spine Of Every Politician.

I Was So High, I Needed A Stepladder To Scratch My Own Ass.

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When I'm Governor... I'll Be The First Governor With A Listed Telephone Number.

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Falling In Love

There Are More Inspirational People In Music Than There Are In Politics.

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I'll Tell You Right Now. I'm For Prayer In School.

Prayer In School

My Definition Of An Artist Is Anyone Who's Ahead Of His Time And Behind On His Rent.

Musicians Can Run This State Better Than Politicians. We Won't Get A Lot Done In The Mornings, But We'll Work Late And Be Honest.

I've Been In True Love Many Times. I Just Try To Avoid It As Much As Possible. For If There's One Thing I Know About True Love, It Is That Sooner Or Later, It Results In A Hostage Situation.

People Are Drooling For The Truth. They Want Honesty From Politicians, And They're Not Getting It.

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I Want To See A Jew In The White House.

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You Struggle With Your Demons And You Conquer Them.

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I Am Not Anti-death Penalty, But I'm Damned Sure Anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

If You're Paranoid Long Enough, Sooner Or Later You're Gonna Be Right.

My Three Favorite Travel Writers Of All Time Are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, And Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying Not Only Tells The Truth About The Travel-writing Racket, It Gets To The Heart Of Some Of The Travel Industry's Best-kept Secrets.

We're All Worm Bait Waiting To Happen. It's What You Do While You Wait That Matters.

The Only Currency I Value Is The Coin Of The Spirit. That's Very Important In My Life.

Flipping A Coin

If Jesus Christ Had Run As An Independent, Rick Perry Would Have Beat Him.

Man's Ability To Delude Himself Is Infinite.

The Ten Commandments Being Taken Out Of The Public Schools. I Want Them Back.

I Don't Feel Bad About Losing.

Wandering Around Back Stage At A Willie Nelson Concert Is A Bit Like Being The Parrot On The Shoulder Of The Guy Who's Running The Ferris Wheel. It's Not The Best Seat In The House, But You See Enough Lights, Action, People, And Confusion To Make You Wonder If Anybody Knows What The Hell's Going On. If You're Sitting Out Front, Of Course, It All Rolls Along As Smoothly As A German Train Schedule, But As Willie, Like Any Great Magician, Would Be The First To Point Out, The Real Show Is Never In The Center Ring. As Willie Always Says, Fortunately, We're Not In Control.

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