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The Problem With Gender Is That It Prescribes How We Should Be Rather Than Recognizing How We Are. Imagine How Much Happier We Would Be, How Much Freer To Be Our True Individual Selves, If We Didn't Have The Weight Of Gender Expectations.

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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The Problem With Gender

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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The Problem With Gender Is That It Prescribes How We Should Be Rather Than Recognizing How We Are. Imagine How Much Happier We Would Be, How Much Freer To Be Our True Individual Selves, If We Didn't Have The Weight Of Gender Expectations.

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I Had Consumed A Lot Of American Culture, But I Was Not Quite Prepared For The Reality Of American Poverty.

The Idea That Sex Is Something A Woman Gives A Man, And She Loses Something When She Does That, Which Again For Me Is Nonsense. I Want Us To Raise Girls Differently Where Boys And Girls Start To See Sexuality As Something That They Own, Rather Than Something That A Boy Takes From A Girl.

Stories Can Break The Dignity Of A People, But Stories Can Also Repair That Broken Dignity.

Greatness Depends On Where You Are Coming From.

Perhaps It Is Time To Debate Culture. The Common Story Is That In "real" African Culture, Before It Was Tainted By The West, Gender Roles Were Rigid And Women Were Contentedly Oppressed.

There's Something Very Lazy About The Way You Have Loved Him Blindly For So Long Without Ever Criticizing Him. You've Never Even Accepted That The Man Is Ugly,' Kainene Said. There Was A Small Smile On Her Face And Then She Was Laughing, And Olanna Could Not Help But Laugh Too, Because It Was Not What She Had Wanted To Hear And Because Hearing It Had Made Her Feel Better.

If You Don't Understand, Ask Questions. If You're Uncomfortable About Asking Questions, Say You Are Uncomfortable About Asking Questions And Then Ask Anyway. It's Easy To Tell When A Question Is Coming From A Good Place. Then Listen Some More. Sometimes People Just Want To Feel Heard. Here's To Possibilities Of Friendship And Connection And Understanding.

Asking Questions

We Teach Girls To Shrink Themselves, To Make Themselves Smaller. We Say To Girls: 'you Can Have Ambition, But Not Too Much. You Should Aim To Be Successful, But Not Too Successful. Otherwise, You Will Threaten The Man.' Because I Am Female, I Am Expected To Aspire To Marriage. I Am Expected To Make My Life Choices, Always Keeping In Mind That Marriage Is The Most Important. Now, Marriage Can Be A Source Of Joy And Love And Mutual Support, But Why Do We Teach Girls To Aspire To Marriage And We Don't Teach Boys The Same?

At About The Age Of Seven … I Wrote Exactly The Kinds Of Stories I Was Reading: All My Characters Were White And Blue-eyed, They Played In The Snow, They Ate Apples, And They Talked A Lot About The Weather: How Lovely It Was That The Sun Had Come Out. This Despite The Fact That I Lived In Nigeria; We Didn’t Have Snow, We Ate Mangoes, And We Never Talked About The Weather, Because There Was No Need To.

They Themselves Mocked Africa, Trading Stories Of Absurdity, Of Stupidity, And They Felt Safe To Mock, Because It Was A Mockery Born Of Longing, And Of The Heartbroken Desire To See A Place Made Whole Again.

I Was Stained By Failure.

That Her Relationship With Him Was Like Being Content In A House But Always Sitting By The Window And Looking Out

We Did That Often, Asking Each Other Questions Whose Answers We Already Knew. Perhaps It Was So That We Would Not Ask The Other Questions, The Ones Whose Answers We Did Not Want To Know.

I Live Half The Year In Nigeria, The Other Half In The U.s. But Home Is Nigeria - It Always Will Be. I Consider Myself A Nigerian Who Is Comfortable In The World. I Look At It Through Nigerian Eyes.

I Didn't Know I Was Even Supposed To Have Issues Until I Came To America

People Have Crushes On Priests All The Time, You Know. It’s Exciting To Have To Deal With God As A Rival.

I Am Drawn, As A Reader, To Detail-drenched Stories About Human Lives Affected As Much By The Internal As By The External, The Kind Of Fiction That Jane Smiley Nicely Describes As 'first And Foremost About How Individuals Fit, Or Don't Fit, Into Their Social Worlds.'

In America, Racism Exists But Racists Are All Gone. Racists Belong To The Past. Racists Are The Thin-lipped Mean White People In The Movies About The Civil Rights Era. Here's The Thing: The Manifestation Of Racism Has Changed But The Language Has Not. So If You Haven't Lynched Somebody Then You Can't Be Called A Racist. If You're Not A Bloodsucking Monster, Then You Can't Be Called A Racist. Somebody Has To Be Able To Say That Racists Are Not Monsters.

I Am A Person Who Believes In Asking Questions, In Not Conforming For The Sake Of Conforming. I Am Deeply Dissatisfied - About So Many Things, About Injustice, About The Way The World Works - And In Some Ways, My Dissatisfaction Drives My Storytelling.

Asking Questions

There Are Some Things That Are So Unforgivable That They Make Other Things Easily Forgivable.

If The Government Doesn't Fund Education, Which They Often Don't, Students Are Going To Stay Home And Not Go To School. It Affects Them Directly. But I'm Really Not Interested In Writing Explicitly About That. I'm Really Interested In Human Beings, And In Love, And In Family. Somehow, Politics Comes In.

To Choose To Write Is To Reject Silence.

Lasting Love Has To Be Built On Mutual Regard And Respect. It Is About Seeing The Other Person. I Am Very Interested In Relationships And, When I Watch Couples, Sometimes I Can Sense A Blindness Has Set In. They Have Stopped Seeing Each Other. It Is Not Easy To See Another Person.

The Best Novels Are Those That Are Important Without Being Like Medicine; They Have Something To Say, Are Expansive And Intelligent But Never Forget To Be Entertaining And To Have Character And Emotion At Their Centre.

In Primary School In South-eastern Nigeria, I Was Taught That Hosni Mubarak Was The President Of Egypt. I Learned The Same Thing In Secondary School. In University, Mubarak Was Still President Of Egypt. I Came To Assume, Subconsciously, That He - And Others Like Paul Biya In Cameroon And Muammar Gaddafi In Libya - Would Never Leave.

I Think It's Important To Humanize History; Fiction Can Help Us Remember. A Lot Of Books I've Read In The Past Have Been So Much More Important Than Textbooks - There Is An Emotional Connection With One Particular Person. I'm Very Much Of A Research-is-important Type Of Fiction Writer, Even For Contemporary Fiction. I Wrote About Blogs In America And I've Never Blogged. But I Read Many, Many Blogs - Usually About Feminist Things, Or About Race, Or About Hair.

Dear Non-american Black, When You Make The Choice To Come To America, You Become Black. Stop Arguing. Stop Saying I'm Jamaican Or I'm Ghanaian. America Doesn't Care.

Racism Should Never Have Happened And So You Don't Get A Cookie For Reducing It.

You Can Have Ambition But Not Too Much You Should Aim To Be Successful But Not Too Successful Otherwise You Will Threaten The Man

Richard Exhaled. It Was Like Somebody Sprinkling Pepper On His Wound: Thousands Of Biafrans Were Dead, And This Man Wanted To Know If There Was Anything New About One Dead White Man. Richard Would Write About This, The Rule Of Western Journalism: One Hundred Dead Black People Equal To One Dead White Person.

The Novels I Love, The Ones I Remember, The Ones I Re-read, Have An Empathetic Human Quality, Or 'emotional Truth'. This Quality Is Difficult To Fully Define, But I Always Recognise It When I See It: It Is Different From Honesty And More Resilient Than Fact, Something That Exists Not In The Kind Of Fiction That Explains But In The Kind That Shows.

I Don't Believe That Art And Politics Or Social Issues Must Be Separated. In Writing About Marriage, For Example, Money Can Be A Big Factor, And Money Is Linked To Earning, And Earning Is Influenced By Politics.

I Write From Real Life. I Am An Unrepentant Eavesdropper And A Collector Of Stories. I Record Bits Of Overheard Dialogue.

Some People Ask: "why The Word Feminist? Why Not Just Say You Are A Believer In Human Rights, Or Something Like That?" Because That Would Be Dishonest. Feminism Is, Of Course, Part Of Human Rights In General-but To Choose To Use The Vague Expression Human Rights Is To Deny The Specific And Particular Problem Of Gender. It Would Be A Way Of Pretending That It Was Not Women Who Have, For Centuries, Been Excluded. It Would Be A Way Of Denying That The Problem Of Gender Targets Women.

There Are People Who Think That We Cannot Rule Ourselves Because The Few Times We Tried, We Failed, As If All The Others Who Rule Themselves Today Got It Right The First Time. It Is Like Telling A Crawling Baby Who Tries To Walk, And Then Falls Back On His Buttocks, To Stay There. As If The Adults Walking Past Him Did Not Crawl, Once

The Single Story Creates Stereotypes, And The Problem With Stereotypes Is Not That They Are Untrue, But That They Are Incomplete. They Make One Story Become The Only Story.

There Were People Thrice Her Size On The Trenton Platform And She Looked Admiringly At One Of Them, A Woman In A Very Short Skirt. She Thought Nothing Of Slender Legs Shown Off In Miniskirts--it Was Safe And Easy, After All, To Display Legs Of Which The World Approved--but The Fat Woman's Act Was About The Quiet Conviction That One Shared Only With Oneself, A Sense Of Rightness That Others Failed To See.

Show A People As One Thing, Only One Thing, Over And Over Again, And That Is What They Become.

I Have Many Problems In My Life, But I Don't Think That Identity Is One Of Them.

Why Must We Always Talk About Race Anyway? Can't We Just Be Human Beings? And Professor Hunk Replied - That Is Exactly What White Privilege Is, That You Can Say That. Race Doesn't Really Exist For You Because It Has Never Been A Barrier. Black Folks Don't Have That Choice.

White Privilege

All Over The World, There Are So Many Magazine Articles And Books Telling Women What To Do, How To Be And Not To Be, In Order To Attract Or Please Men. There Are Far Fewer Guides For Men About Pleasing Women.

Relaxing Your Hair Is Like Being In Prison. You're Caged In. Your Hair Rules You. You Didn't Go Running With Curt Today Because You Don't Want To Sweat Out This Straightness. You're Always Battling To Make Your Hair Do What It Wasn't Meant To Do.

I Didn't Want To Be Apologetic About My Love Story, And I Think To Be Willing To Write About Love You Have To Be Willing To Sound Foolish. I Wanted To Write About Foolish And Goofy Love And Different Relationships. I Wanted To Write About Interracial Relationships In A Way That Does Not Pretend As If Race Does Not Exist.

I Like The U.s. And Feel Gratitude Towards It.

The Educated Ones Leave, The Ones With The Potential To Right The Wrongs. They Leave The Weak Behind. The Tyrants Continue To Reign Because The Weak Cannot Resist. Do You Not See That It Is A Cycle? Who Will Break That Cycle?

Because I Am Female, I’m Expected To Aspire To Marriage. I Am Expected To Make My Life Choices Always Keeping In Mind That Marriage Is The Most Important.

Our Society Teaches A Woman At A Certain Age Who Is Unmarried To See It As A Deep Personal Failure. While A Man At A Certain Age Who Is Unmarried Has Not Quite Come Around To Making His Pick.

Race Doesn't Really Exist For You Because It Has Never Been A Barrier. Black Folks Don't Have That Choice.

White Privilege

The Problem With Gender Is That It Prescribes How We Should Be Rather Than Recognizing How We Are. Imagine How Much Happier We Would Be, How Much Freer To Be Our True Individual Selves, If We Didn't Have The Weight Of Gender Expectations.

Why Did People Ask "what Is It About?" As If A Novel Had To Be About Only One Thing.

Red Was The Blood Of The Siblings Massacred In The North, Black Was For Mourning Them, Green Was For The Prosperity Biafra Would Have, And, Finally, The Half Of A Yellow Sun Stood For The Glorious Future.

The Higher You Go, The Fewer Women There Are.

When We Realize That There Is Never A Single Story About Any Place, We Regain A Kind Of Paradise.

For Centuries, The World Divided Human Beings Into Two Groups And Then Proceeded To Exclude And Oppress One Group. It Is Only Fair That The Solution To The Problem Acknowledge That.

You Must Never Behave As If Your Life Belongs To A Man. Do You Hear Me?' Aunty Ifeka Said. 'your Life Belongs To You And You Alone.

Her Blog Was Doing Well, With Thousands Of Unique Visitors Each Month, And She Was Earning Good Speaking Fees, And She Had A Fellowship At Princeton And A Relationship With Blaine - "you Are The Absolute Love Of My Life," He'd Written In Her Last Birthday Card - And Yet There Was Cement In Her Soul. It Had Been There For A While, An Early Morning Disease Of Fatigue, Shapeless Desires, Brief Imaginary Glints Of Other Lives She Could Be Living, That Over The Months Melded Into A Piercing Homesickness.

Love Of My Life

If You Followed The Media You'd Think That Everybody In Africa Was Starving To Death, And That's Not The Case; So It's Important To Engage With The Other Africa.

Never Ever Accept 'because You Are A Woman' As A Reason For Doing Or Not Doing Anything.

My Characters Are Usually Composites. I Wish I Could Pretend That I Make Up All Of These Characters, But No. I Steal From People. But People Will Say To Me, "oh, That's Me!" And I'm Thinking, No, That's Not You!

Americans Think African Writers Will Write About The Exotic, About Wildlife, Poverty, Maybe Aids. They Come To Africa And African Books With Certain Expectations.

I Have My Father's Lopsided Mouth. When I Smile, My Lips Slope To One Side. My Doctor Sister Calls It My Cerebral Palsy Mouth. I Am Very Much A Daddy's Girl, And Even Though I Would Rather My Smile Wasn't Crooked, There Is Something Moving For Me About Having A Mouth Exactly Like My Father's.

And It's Wrong Of You To Think That Love Leaves Room For Nothing Else. It's Possible To Love Something And Still Condescend To It.

Each Time He Suggested They Get Married, She Said No. They Were Too Happy, Precariously So, And She Wanted To Guard That Bond; She Feared That Marriage Would Flatten It Into A Prosaic Partnership.

...he Did Not Want Me To Seek The Whys, Because There Are Some Things That Happen For Which We Can Formulate No Whys, For Which Whys Simply Do Not Exist And, Perhaps, Are Not Necessary.

He Was Making Her Feel Small And Absurdly Petulant And, Worse Yet, She Suspected He Was Right. She Always Suspected He Was Right. For A Brief Irrational Moment, She Wished She Could Walk Away From Him. Then She Wished, More Rationally, That She Could Love Him Without Needing Him. Need Gave Him Power Without His Trying; Need Was The Choicelessness She Often Felt Around Him.

Many Stories Matter. Stories Have Been Used To Dispossess And To Malign. But Stories Can Also Be Used To Empower, And To Humanize. Stories Can Break The Dignity Of A People. But Stories Can Also Repair That Broken Dignity.

We Teach Girls That They Cannot Be Sexual Beings In The Way That Boys Are. If We Have Sons, We Don't Mind Knowing About Our Sons' Girlfriends, But Our Daughters' Boyfriends? God Forbid. But Of Course When The Time Is Right, We Expect Those Girls To Bring Back The Perfect Man To Be Their Husband.

He Was Already Looking At Their Relationship Through The Lens Of The Past Tense. It Puzzled Her, The Ability Of Romantic Love To Mutate, How Quickly A Loved One Could Become A Stranger. Where Did The Love Go? Perhaps Real Love Was Familial, Somehow, Linked To Blood, Since Love For Children Did Not Die As Romantic Love Did.

Feminist: A Person Who Believes In The Social, Political And Economic Equality Of The Sexes.

Culture Does Not Make People - People Make Culture. So If It Is In Fact True That The Full Humanity Of Women Is Not Our Culture, We Must Make It Our Culture. [...] A Feminist Is A Man Or A Woman Who Says, 'yes There Is A Problem With Gender As It Is Today And We Must Fix It. We Must Do Better.'

If I Had Not Grown Up In Nigeria- And If All I Knew Of Africa Were Of Popular Images- I Too Would Think That Africa Was A Place Of Beautiful Landscapes, Beautiful Animals And Incomprehensible People Fighting Sensless Wars, Dying Of Poverty And Aids- Unable To Speak For Themselves And Waiting To Be Saved By A Kind White Foreigner.

We Teach Girls Shame; Close Your Legs, Cover Yourself, We Make Them Feel As Though By Being Born Female They're Already Guilty Of Something.

Of Course I Am Not Worried About Intimidating Men. The Type Of Man Who Will Be Intimidated By Me Is Exactly The Type Of Man I Have No Interest In.

I Can Write With Authority Only About What I Know Well, Which Means That I End Up Using Surface Details Of My Own Life In My Fiction.

I Think You Travel To Search And You Come Back Home To Find Yourself There.

She Wanted To Ask Him Why They Were All Strangers Who Shared The Same Last Name.

When It Comes To Dressing Well, American Culture Is So Self-fulfilled That It Has Not Only Disregarded This Courtesy Of Self-presentation, But Has Turned That Disregard Into A Virtue. "we Are Too Superior/busy/cool/not-uptight To Bother About How We Look To Other People, And So We Can Wear Pajamas To School And Underwear To The Mall.

I Am A Bit Of A Fundamentalist When It Comes To Black Women's Hair. Hair Is Hair - Yet Also About Larger Questions: Self-acceptance, Insecurity And What The World Tells You Is Beautiful. For Many Black Women, The Idea Of Wearing Their Hair Naturally Is Unbearable.

How [stories] Are Told, Who Tells Them, When They’re Told, How Many Stories Are Told — Are Really Dependent On Power.

At Some Point I Was A Happyafricanfeminist Who Does Not Hate Men. And Who Likes Lip Gloss And Who Wears High Heels For Herself But Not For Men.

It Is Easy To Romanticize Poverty, To See Poor People As Inherently Lacking Agency And Will. It Is Easy To Strip Them Of Human Dignity, To Reduce Them To Objects Of Pity. This Has Never Been Clearer Than In The View Of Africa From The American Media, In Which We Are Shown Poverty And Conflicts Without Any Context.

This Was Love: A String Of Coincidences That Gathered Significance And Became Miracles.

There Are People Who Dislike You Because You Do Not Dislike Yourself.

Honesty. And I Just Really Think There's A Fundamental Friendship That Needs To Exist, Whether It's A Lover, Whether It's A Sister...there's Just This Connection Both People Need To Be Effortlessly Themselves.

The Problem With Gender Is That It Prescribes How We Should Be, Rather Than Recognising How We Are.

The Real Tragedy Of Our Postcolonial World Is Not That The Majority Of People Had No Say In Whether Or Not They Wanted This New World; Rather, It Is That The Majority Have Not Been Given The Tools To Negotiate This New World.

She Rested Her Head Against His And Felt, For The First Time, What She Would Often Feel With Him: A Self-affection. He Made Her Like Herself. With Him, She Was At Ease; Her Skin Felt As Though It Was Her Right Size.. It Seemed So Natural, To Talk To Him About Odd Things. She Had Never Done That Before. The Trust, So Sudden And Yet So Complete, And The Intimacy, Frightened Her.. But Now She Could Think Only Of All The Things She Yet Wanted To Tell Him, Wanted To Do With Him.

Your Life Belongs To You And You Alone.

Creative Writing Programmes Are Not Very Necessary. They Just Exist So That People Like Us Can Make A Living.

I Often Make The Mistake Of Thinking That Something That Is Obvious To Me Is Obvious To Everyone Else.

One Of The Things That Struck Me When I Came To The U.s. Was Discovering American Poverty.

American Poverty

There Are Many Different Ways To Be Poor In The World But Increasingly There Seems To Be One Single Way To Be Rich.

Then She Wished, More Rationally, That She Could Love Him Without Needing Him. Need Gave Him Power Without His Trying; Need Was The Choicelessness She Often Felt Around Him.

I Am Interested In Challenging The Mainstream Ideas Of What Is Beautiful And What Is Acceptable.

I Would Come, Many Years Later, To Understand Why To Kill A Mockingbird Is Considered An Important Novel, But When I First Read It At 11, I Was Simply Absorbed By The Way It Evoked The Mysteries Of Childhood, Of Treasures Discovered In Trees, And Games Played With An Exotic Summer Friend.

I’m Very Feminist In The Way I Look At The World, And That Worldview Must Somehow Be Part Of My Work.

When The Writing Is Going Well, I'm Obsessive. I Don't Shower, I Don't Take Phone Calls, I Hardly Respond To Text Messages, I Don't Do Email. I Take Breaks Only To Read, And Usually I Read Poetry. When It's Not Going Well, I Just Lie In Bed And Eat Chocolate.

All Over The World, Girls Are Raised To Be Make Themselves Likeable, To Twist Themselves Into Shapes That Suit Other People. Please Do Not Twist Yourself Into Shapes To Please. Don't Do It. If Someone Likes That Version Of You, That Version Of You That Is False And Holds Back, Then They Actually Just Like That Twisted Shape, And Not You. And The World Is Such A Gloriously Multifaceted, Diverse Place That There Are People In The World Who Will Like You, The Real You, As You Are.

Our Histories Cling To Us. We Are Shaped By Where We Come From.

I Am A Strong Believer In The Ability Of Human Beings To Change For The Better. I Am A Strong Believer In Trying To Change What We Are Dissatisfied With.

Change For The Better

I Think Human Beings Exist In A Social World. I Write Realistic Fiction, And So It Isn't That Surprising That The Social Realities Of Their Existence Would Be Part Of The Story.

Privilege Blinds, Because It's In Its Nature To Blind. Don't Let It Blind You Too Often. Sometimes You Will Need To Push It Aside In Order To See Clearly.

There Has Always Been A Strange Dissonance Between The Public And The Private In Nigeria.

The Only Reason Race Matters Is Because Of Racism.

Stories Matter. Many Stories Matter.

You Can't Write A Script In Your Mind And Then Force Yourself To Follow It. You Have To Let Yourself Be.

She Could Not Complain About Not Having Shoes When The Person She Was Talking To Had No Legs.

When I'm In A Good Mood I Like To Cook. But I Don't Like Saying It In Public Because I Find Myself Being Resentful Of The Idea; "now You Will Make A Good Wife. You Can Cook, Right?" So When People Ask Me I Go, "no, I Don't Like Cooking!"

Death Would Be A Complete Knowingness, But What Frightened Him Was This: Not Knowing Beforehand What It Was He Would Know.

...there Was Cement In Her Soul. It Had Been There For A While, An Early Morning Disease Of Fatigue, Shapeless Desires, Brief Imaginary Glints Of Other Lives She Could Be Living, That Over The Months Melded Into A Piercing Homesickness.

About 52% Of The World's Population Is Female. But Most Of The Positions Of Power And Prestige Are Occupied By Men. The Late Kenyan Nobel Peace Laureate Wangari Maathai Put It Simply And Well When She Said 'the Higher You Go, The Fewer Women There Are.'

Position Of Power

Being Defiant Can Be A Good Thing Sometimes," Aunty Ifeoma Said. "defiance Is Like Marijuana - It Is Not A Bad Thing When It Is Used Right.

Because Of Writers Like Chinua Achebe And Camara Laye … I Realized That People Like Me, Girls With Skin The Color Of Chocolate, Whose Kinky Hair Could Not Form Ponytails, Could Also Exist In Literature.

We Teach Girls To Shrink Themselves, To Make Themselves Smaller. We Say To Girls 'you Can Have Ambition, But Not Too Much'.

You Americans, Always Peering Under People's Beds To Look For Communism.

You Deserve To Take Up Space.

Yes, There's A Problem With Gender As It Is Today, And We Must Fix It, We Must Do Better.

This Is Our World, Although The People Who Drew This Map Decided To Put Their Own Land On Top Of Ours. There Is No Top Or Bottom, You See.

If You Start Thinking About Being Likable You Are Not Going To Tell Your Story Honestly.

Power Is The Ability Not Just To Tell The Story Of Another Person, But To Make It The Definitive Story Of That Person.

I Had People Read It Early On And, You Know, Well-meaning People Said To Me, You Should Take Out The Blogs. I Didn't Get Much Positive Feedback. Only Because Most Of These People Were Protective Of Me - It Was Sort Of Like A "tone It Down, Make It Easier To Swallow" Kind Of Thing. And I Just Thought If I Do That Then It's Not The Book I Want To Write.

If I Were Not African, I Wonder Whether It Would Be Clear To Me That Africa Is A Place Where The People Do Not Need Limp Gifts Of Fish But Sturdy Fishing Rods And Fair Access To The Pond. I Wonder Whether I Would Realize That While African Nations Have A Failure Of Leadership, They Also Have Dynamic People With Agency And Voices.

She Rested Her Head Against His And Felt, For The First Time, What She Would Often Feel With Him: A Self-affection. He Made Her Like Herself.

I Have Chosen To No Longer Be Apologetic For My Femaleness And My Femininity. And I Want To Be Respected In All Of My Femaleness Because I Deserve To Be.

I Divide My Time Between Columbia, Maryland, And Lagos, Nigeria.

My Grandfather Died In The War, My Family Went Through The War, And It Affected My Parents In Really Profound Ways. I've Always Wanted To Write About That Period - In Some Ways To Digest It For Myself, Something That Defined Me But That I Didn't Go Through.

Culture Does Not Make People. People Make Culture.

Papa Sat Down At The Table And Poured His Tea From The China Tea Set With Pink Flowers On The Edges. I Waited For Him To Ask Jaja And Me To Take A Sip, As He Always Did. A Love Sip, He Called It, Because You Shared The Little Things You Loved With The People You Love.

Is Love This Misguided Need To Have You Beside Me Most Of The Time? Is Love This Safety I Feel In Our Silences? Is It This Belonging, This Completeness?

How Easy It Was To Lie To Strangers, To Create With Strangers The Versions Of Our Lives We Imagined.

I Think My First General Rule Is That Most Of My Experiences Are Not That Interesting. It's Usually Other People's Experiences. It's Not That Entirely Conscious. Somebody Tells Me A Story Or, You Know, Repeats An Anecdote That Somebody Else Told Them And I Just Feel Like I Have To Write It Down So I Don't Forget - That Means For Me, Something Made It Fiction-worthy. Interesting Things Never Happen To Me, So Maybe Two Or Three Times When They Do, I Have To Use Them, So I Write Them Down.

We Do Not Just Risk Repeating History If We Sweep It Under The Carpet, We Also Risk Being Myopic About Our Present.

I Recently Spoke At A University Where A Student Told Me It Was Such A Shame That Nigerian Men Were Physical Abusers Like The Father Character In My Novel. I Told Him That I Had Recently Read A Novel Called American Psycho,and That It Was A Shame That Young Americans Were Serial Murderers.

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