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The Only Source Of The True Ridiculous (as It Appears To Me) Is Affectation

-Henry Fielding

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The Only Source Of

Henry Fielding

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The Only Source Of The True Ridiculous (as It Appears To Me) Is Affectation

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The Devil Take Me, If I Think Anything But Love To Be The Object Of Love.

It Hath Been Often Said, That It Is Not Death, But Dying, Which Is Terrible.

Sensuality Not Only Debases Both Body And Mind, But Dulls The Keen Edge Of Pleasure.

Conscience - The Only Incorruptible Thing About Us.

What's Vice Today May Be Virtue, Tomorrow.

Great Joy, Especially After A Sudden Change Of Circumstances, Is Apt To Be Silent, And Dwells Rather In The Heart Than On The Tongue.

There Are Two Considerations Which Always Imbitter The Heart Of An Avaricious Man--the One Is A Perpetual Thirst After More Riches, The Other The Prospect Of Leaving What He Has Already Acquired.

What Caricature Is In Painting, Burlesque Is In Writing; And In The Same Manner The Comic Writer And Painter Correlate To Each Other; As In The Former, The Painter Seems To Have The Advantage, So It Is In The Latter Infinitely On The Side Of The Writer. For The Monstrous Is Much Easier To Paint Than Describe, And The Ridiculous To Describe Than Paint.

A Comic Writer Should Of All Others Be The Least Excused For Deviating From Nature, Since It May Not Be Always So Easy For A Serious Poet To Meet With The Great And The Admirable; But Life Every Where Furnishes An Accurate Observer With The Ridiculous.

The Greatest Part Of Mankind Labor Under One Delirium Or Another; And Don Quixote Differed From The Rest, Not In Madness, But The Species Of It. The Covetous, The Prodigal, The Superstitious, The Libertine, And The Coffee-house Politician, Are All Quixotes In Their Several Ways.

Human Life Very Much Resembles A Game Of Chess: For, As In The Latter, While A Gamester Is Too Attentive To Secure Himself Very Strongly On One Side Of The Board, He Is Apt To Leave An Unguarded Opening On The Other, So Doth It Often Happen In Life.

Can Any Man Have A Higher Notion Of The Rule Of Right And The Eternal Fitness Of Things?

There Is Not In The Universe A More Ridiculous, Nor A More Contemptible Animal, Than A Proud Clergyman.

A Newspaper Consists Of Just The Same Number Of Words, Whether There Be Any News In It Or Not.

All Nature Wears One Universal Grin.

As It Is The Nature Of A Kite To Devour Little Birds, So It Is The Nature Of Some Minds To Insult And Tyrannize Over Little People; This Being The Means Which They Use To Recompense Themselves For Their Extreme Servility And Condescension To Their Superiors; For Nothing Can Be More Reasonable Than That Slaves And Flatterers Should Exact The Same Taxes On All Below Them Which They Themselves Pay To All Above Them.

The Exceptions Of The Scrupulous Put One In Mind Of Some General Pardons Where Everything Is Forgiven Except Crimes.

Men Who Pay For What They Eat Will Insist On Gratifying Their Palates

I Am Content; That Is A Blessing Greater Than Riches; And He To Whom That Is Given Need Ask No More.

It Is A Good Maxim To Trust A Person Entirely Or Not At All.

Every Physician Almost Hath His Favourite Disease.

There Is Nothing A Man Of Good Sense Dreads So Much In A Wife, As Her Having More Sense Than Himself.

Custom May Lead A Man Into Many Errors; But It Justifies None.

We Are As Liable To Be Corrupted By Books, As By Companions.

Love And Scandal Are The Best Sweeteners Of Tea.

When I Mention Religion I Mean The Christian Religion; And Not Only The Christian Religion, But The Protestant Religion; And Not Only The Protestant Religion, But The Church Of England.

Sir, Money, Money, The Most Charming Of All Things; Money, Which Will Say More In One Moment Than The Most Elegant Lover Can In Years. Perhaps You Will Say A Man Is Not Young; I Answer He Is Rich. He Is Not Genteel, Handsome, Witty, Brave, Good-humored, But He Is Rich, Rich, Rich, Rich, Rich -that One Word Contradicts Everything You Can Say Against Him.

There Are Those Who Never Reason On What They Should Do, But What They Have Done; As If Reason Had Her Eyes Behind, And Could Only See Backwards.

O Vanity, How Little Is Thy Force Acknowledged Or Thy Operations Discerned! How Wantonly Dost Thou Deceive Mankind Under Different Disguises! Sometimes Thou Dost Wear The Face Of Pity; Sometimes Of Generosity; Nay, Thou Hast The Assurance To Put On Those Glorious Ornaments Which Belong Only To Heroic Virtue.

Nothing Can Be So Quick And Sudden As The Operations Of The Mind, Especially When Hope, Or Fear, Or Jealousy, To Which The Other Two Are But Journeymen, Set It To Work.

He Grew Weary Of This Condescension, And Began To Treat The Opinions Of His Wife With That Haughtiuess And Insolence, Which None But Those Who Deserve Some Contempt Themselves Can Bestow, And Those Only Who Deserve No Contempt Can Bear.

...the Act Of Eating,which Hath By Several Wise Men Been Considered As Extremely Mean And Derogatory From The Philosophic Dignity, Must Be In Some Measure Performed By The Greatest Prince, Hero, Or Philosopher Upon Earth; Nay, Sometimes Nature Hath Been So Frolicsome As To Exact Of These Dignified Characters A Much More Exorbitant Share Of This Office Than She Hath Obliged Those Of The Lowest Orders To Perform.

Love May Be Likened To A Disease In This Respect, That When It Is Denied A Vent In One Part, It Will Certainly Break Out In Another; Hence What A Woman's Lips Often Conceal, Her Eyes, Her Blushes, And Many Little Involuntary Actions Betray.

There Is Nothing So Useful To Man In General, Nor So Beneficial To Particular Societies And Individuals, As Trade. This Is That Alma Mater, At Whose Plentiful Breast All Mankind Are Nourished.

There Are Persons Of That General Philanthropy And Easy Tempers, Which The World In Contempt Generally Calls Good-natured, Who Seem To Be Sent Into The World With The Same Design With Which Men Put Little Fish Into A Pike Pond, In Order Only To Be Devoured By That Voracious Water-hero.

Ingratitude Never So Thoroughly Pierces The Human Breast As When It Proceeds From Those In Whose Behalf We Have Been Guilty Of Transgressions.

Now In Reality, The World Has Paid Too Great A Compliment To Critics, And Has Imagined Them To Be Men Of Much Greater Profundity Than They Really Are.

Perhaps The Summary Of Good-breeding May Be Reduced To This Rule. "behave Unto All Men As You Would They Should Behave Unto You." This Will Most Certainly Oblige Us To Treat All Mankind With The Utmost Civility And Respect, There Being Nothing That We Desire More Than To Be Treated So By Them.

Some Virtuous Women Are Too Liberal In Their Insults To A Frail Sister; But Virtue Can Support Itself Without Borrowing Any Assistance From The Vices Of Other Women.

Worth Begets In Base Minds, Envy; In Great Souls, Emulation.

The Same Animal Which Hath The Honour To Have Some Part Of His Flesh Eaten At The Table Of A Duke, May Perhaps Be Degraded In Another Part,and Some Of His Limbs Gibbeted, As It Were, In The Vilest Stall In Town.

An Author Ought To Consider Himself, Not As A Gentleman Who Gives A Private Or Eleemosynary Treat, But Rather As One Who Keeps A Public Ordinary, At Which All Persons Are Welcome For Their Money.

There Is A Sort Of Knowledge Beyond The Power Of Learning To Bestow, And This Is To Be Had In Conversation; So Necessary Is This To The Understanding The Characters Of Men, That None Are More Ignorant Of Them Than Those Learned Pedants Whose Lives Have Been Entirely Consumed In Colleges And Among Books; For However Exquisitely Human Nature May Have Been Described By Writers The True Practical System Can Be Learned Only In The World.

It Is With Jealousy As With The Gout. When Such Distempers Are In The Blood, There Is Never Any Security Against Their Breaking Out, And That Often On The Slightest Occasions, And When Least Suspected.

Guilt Has Very Quick Ears To An Accusation.

Yes, I Had Two Strings To My Bow; Both Golden Ones, Egad! And Both Cracked.

As It Often Happens That The Best Men Are But Little Known, And Consequently Cannot Extend The Usefulness Of Their Examples A Great Way, The Biographer Is Of Great Utility, As, By Communicating Such Valuable Patterns To The World, He May Perhaps Do A More Extensive Service To Mankind Than The Person Whose Life Originally Afforded The Pattern.

What Is Commonly Called Love, Namely The Desire Of Satisfying A Voracious Appetite With A Certain Quantity Of Delicate White Human Flesh.

Good-humor Will Even Go So Far As Often To Supply The Lack Of Wit.

The Constant Desire Of Pleasing Which Is The Peculiar Quality Of Some, May Be Called The Happiest Of All Desires In This That It Rarely Fails Of Attaining Its End When Not Disgraced By Affectation.

The Slander Of Some People Is As Great A Recommendation As The Praise Of Others.

Recommendations

It Is A Trite But True Definition That Examples Work More Forcibly On The Mind Than Precepts.

When I'm Not Thanked At All, I'm Thanked Enough.

Some General Officers Should Pay A Stricter Regard To Truth Than To Call The Depopulating Other Countries The Service Of Their Own.

With The Latitude Of Unbounded Scurrility, It Is Easy Enough To Attain The Character Of A Wit, Especially When It Is Considered How Wonderfully Pleasant It Is To The Generality Of The Public To See The Folly Of Their Acquaintance Exposed By A Third Person.

A Broken Heart Is A Distemper Which Kills Many More Than Is Generally Imagined, And Would Have A Fair Title To A Place In The Bills Of Mortality, Did It Not Differ In One Instance From All Other Diseases, Namely, That No Physicians Can Cure It.

There's One Fool At Least In Every Married Couple.

There Is No Zeal Blinder Than That Which Is Inspired With A Love Of Justice Against Offenders.

Heroes, Notwithstanding The High Ideas Which, By The Means Of Flatterers, They May Entertain Of Themselves, Or The World May Conceive Of Them, Have Certainly More Of Mortal Than Divine About Them.

The Blackest Ink Of Fate Are Sure My Lot, And When Fate Writ My Name It Made A Blot.

Make Money Your God, And It Will Plague You Like The Devil.

A Good Conscience Is Never Lawless In The Worst Regulated State, And Will Provide Those Laws For Itself Which The Neglect Of Legislators Had Forgotten To Supply.

Success Is A Fruit Of Slow Growth.

Contempt Of Others Is The Truest Symptom Of A Base And Bad Heart,--while It Suggests Itself To The Mean And The Vile, And Tickles There Little Fancy On Every Occasion, It Never Enters The Great And Good Mind But On The Strongest Motives; Nor Is It Then A Welcome Guest,--affording Only An Uneasy Sensation, And Bringing Always With It A Mixture Of Concern And Compassion.

The Prudence Of The Best Heads Is Often Defeated By Tenderness Of The Best Hearts.

As A Great Part Of The Uneasiness Of Matrimony Arises From Mere Trifles,, It Would Be Wise In Every Young Married Man To Enter Into An Agreement With His Wife, That In All Disputes Of This Kind The Party Who Was Most Convinced They Were Right Should Always Surrender The Victory. By Which Means Both Would Be More Forward To Give Up The Cause.

The Characteristic Of Coquettes Is Affectation Governed By Whim.

It Is An Error Common To Many To Take The Character Of Mankind From The Worst And Basest Amongst Them; Whereas, As An Excellent Writer Has Observed, Nothing Should Be Esteemed As Characteristical, Of A Species But What Is To Be Found Amongst The Best And The Most Perfect Individuals Of That Species.

Dancing Begets Warmth, Which Is The Parent Of Wantonness. It Is, Sir, The Great Grandfather Of Cuckoldom.

Fashion Is The Great Governor Of This World; It Presides, Not Only In Matters Of Dress And Amusement, But In Law, Physic, Politics, Religion, And All Other Things Of The Gravest Kind; Indeed, The Wisest Of Men Would Be Puzzled To Give Any Better Reason Why Particular Forms In All These Have Been At Certain Times Universally Received, And At Others Universally Rejected, Than That They Were In Or Out Of Fashion.

I Describe Not Men, But Manners; Not An Individual, But A Species.

O Innocence, How Glorious And Happy A Portion Art Thou To The Breast That Possesses Thee! Thou Fearest Neither The Eyes Nor The Tongues Of Men. Truth, The Most Powerful Of All Things, Is Thy Strongest Friend; And The Brighter The Light Is In Which Thou Art Displayed, The More It Discovers Thy Transcendent Beauties.

Wine And Youth Are Fire Upon Fire.

A Good Face They Say, Is A Letter Of Recommendation. O Nature, Nature, Why Art Thou So Dishonest, As Ever To Send Men With These False Recommendations Into The World!

Fashion Is The Science Of Appearance, And It Inspires One With The Desire To Seem Rather Than To Be.

A Good Man Therefore Is A Standing Lesson To Us All.

Love: A Word Properly Applied To Our Delight In Particular Kinds Of Food; Sometimes Metaphorically Spoken Of The Favorite Objects Of All Our Appetites.

It Is A Trite But True Observation, That Examples Work More Forcibly On The Mind Than Precepts: And If This Be Just In What Is Odious And Blameable, It Is More Strongly So In What Is Amiable And Praiseworthy.

When Widows Exclaim Loudly Against Second Marriages, I Would Always Lay A Wager Than The Man, If Not The Wedding Day, Is Absolutely Fixed On.

Widows And Orphans

There Is Scarcely Any Man, How Much Soever He May Despise The Character Of A Flatterer, But Will Condescend In The Meanest Manner To Flatter Himself.

However Exquisitely Human Nature May Have Been Described By Writers, The True Practical System Can Be Learned Only In The World.

Wisdom Is The Talent Of Buying Virtuous Pleasures At The Cheapest Rate.

We Should Not Be Too Hasty In Bestowing Either Our Praise Or Censure On Mankind, Since We Shall Often Find Such A Mixture Of Good And Evil In The Same Character, That It May Require A Very Accurate Judgment And A Very Elaborate Inquiry To Determine On Which Side The Balance Turns.

Wit, Like Hunger, Will Be With Great Difficulty Restrained From Falling On Vice And Ignorance, Where There Is Great Plenty And Variety Of Food.

Good-nature Is That Benevolent And Amiable Temper Of Mind Which Disposes Us To Feel The Misfortunes And Enjoy The Happiness Of Others, And, Consequently, Pushes Us On To Promote The Latter And Prevent The Former; And That Without Any Abstract Contemplation On The Beauty Of Virtue, And Without The Allurements Or Terrors Of Religion.

Some Folks Rail Against Other Folks, Because Other Folks Have What Some Folks Would Be Glad Of.

Most Men Like In Women What Is Most Opposite Their Own Characters.

Thwackum Was For Doing Justice, And Leaving Mercy To Heaven.

There Cannot Be A Move Glorious Object In Creation Than A Human Being Replete With Benevolence, Meditating In What Manner He Might Render Himself Most Acceptable To His Creator By Doing Most Good To His Creatures.

His Designs Were Strictly Honourable, As The Phrase Is; That Is, To Rob A Lady Of Her Fortune By Way Of Marriage.

Neither Great Poverty Nor Great Riches Will Hear Reason

Let No Man Be Sorry He Has Done Good, Because Others Have Done Evil.

Thy Modesty 's A Candle To Thy Merit.

The Only Source Of The True Ridiculous (as It Appears To Me) Is Affectation

Habit Hath So Vast A Prevalence Over The Human Mind That There Is Scarce Anything Too Strange Or Too Strong To Be Asserted Of It. The Story Of The Miser Who, From Long Accustoming To Cheat Others, Came At Last To Cheat Himself, And With Great Delight And Triumph Picked His Own Pocket Of A Guinea To Convey To His Hoard, Is Not Impossible Or Improbable.

Nothing More Aggravates Ill Success Than The Near Approach Of Good.

Never Trust The Man Who Has Reason To Suspect That You Know He Hath Injured You.

For Parents To Restrain The Inclinations Of Their Children In Marriage Is An Usurped Power.

Thirst Teaches All Animals To Drink, But Drunkenness Belongs Only To Man.

It Is Much Easier To Make Good Men Wise, Than To Make Bad Men Good.

To Speak A Bold Truth, I Am, After Much Mature Deliberation, Inclined To Suspect That The Public Voice Hath, In All Ages, Done Much Injustice To Fortune, And Hath Convicted Her Of Many Facts In Which She Had Not The Least Concern.

Riches Without Charity Are Nothing Worth. They Are A Blessing Only To Him Who Makes Them A Blessing To Others.

Blessing To Others

When The Effects Of Female Jealousy Do Not Appear Openly In Their Proper Colours Of Rage And Fury, We May Suspect That Mischievous Passion To Be At Work Privately, And Attempting To Undermine, What It Doth Not Attack Above-ground.

What A Silly Fellow Must He Be Who Would Do The Devil's Work For Free.

Wicked Companions Invite Us To Hell.

Wine Is A Turncoat; First A Friend And Then An Enemy.

Money Will Say More In One Moment Than The Most Eloquent Lover Can In Years.

Lo, When Two Dogs Are Fighting In The Streets, With A Third Dog One Of The Two Dogs Meets; With Angry Teeth He Bites Him To The Bone, And This Dog Smarts For What That Dog Has Done.

Scarcely One Person In A Thousand Is Capable Of Tasting The Happiness Of Others.

I Look Upon The Vulgar Observation, 'that The Devil Often Deserts His Friends, And Leaves Them In The Lurch,' To Be A Great Abuse On That Gentleman's Character. Perhaps He May Sometimes Desert Those Who Are Only His Cup Acquaintance; Or Who, At Most, Are But Half His; But He Generally Stands By Those Who Are Thoroughly His Servants, And Helps Them Off In All Extremities, Till Their Bargain Expires.

Good-breeding Is Not Confined To Externals, Much Less To Any Particular Dress Or Attitude Of The Body; It Is The Art Of Pleasing, Or Contributing As Much As Possible To The Ease And Happiness Of Those With Whom You Converse.

To The Generality Of Men You Cannot Give A Stronger Hint For Them To Impose Upon You Than By Imposing Upon Yourself.

A Lottery Is A Taxation On All Of The Fools In Creation.

No One Hath Seen Beauty In Its Highest Lustre Who Hath Never Seen It In Distress.

We Endeavor To Conceal Our Vices Under The Disguise Of The Opposite Virtues.

Giving Comfort Under Affliction Requires That Penetration Into The Human Mind, Joined To That Experience Which Knows How To Soothe, How To Reason, And How To Ridicule; Taking The Utmost Care Never To Apply Those Arts Improperly.

Conscience Is A Judge In Every Man's Breast, Which None Can Cheat Or Corrupt, And Perhaps The Only Incorrupt Thing About Him; Yet, Inflexible And Honest As This Judge Is (however Polluted The Bench On Which He Sits), No Man Can, In My Opinion, Enjoy Any Applause Which Is Not There Adjudged To Be His Due.

For I Hope My Friends Will Pardon Me, When I Declare, I Know None Of Them Without A Fault; And I Should Be Sorry If I Could Imagine, I Had Any Friend Who Could Not See Mine. Forgiveness, Of This Kind, We Give And Demand In Turn.

There Is Perhaps No Surer Mark Of Folly, Than To Attempt To Correct Natural Infirmities Of Those We Love.

In A Debate, Rather Pull To Pieces The Argument Of Thy Antagonists Than Offer Him Any Of Thy Own; For Thus Thou Wilt Fight Him In His Own Country.

A Grave Aspect To A Grave Character Is Of Much More Consequence Than The World Is Generally Aware Of; A Barber May Make You Laugh, But A Surgeon Ought Rather To Make You Cry.

We Must Eat To Live, And Not Live To Eat.

Eating And Drinking

The Excellence Of The Mental Entertainment Consists Less In The Subject Than In The Author's Skill In Well Dressing It Up.

Gaming Is A Vice The More Dangerous As It Is Deceitful; And, Contrary To Every Other Species Of Luxury, Flatters Its Votaries With The Hopes Of Increasing Their Wealth; So That Avarice Itself Is So Far From Securing Us Against Its Temptations That It Often Betrays The More Thoughtless And Giddy Part Of Mankind Into Them.

The Man Who Is Wantonly Profuse Of His Promises Ought To Sink His Credit As Much As A Tradesman Would By Uttering A Great Number Of Promissory Notes Payable At A Distant Day. The Truest Conclusion In Both Cases Is, That Neither Intend Or Will Be Able To Pay. And As The Latter Most Probably Intends To Cheat You Of Your Money, So The Former At Least Designs To Cheat You Of Your Thanks.

It May Be Laid Down As A General Rule, That No Woman Who Hath Any Great Pretensions To Admiration Is Ever Well Pleased In A Company Where She Perceives Herself To Fill Only The Second Place.

A Good Heart Will, At All Times, Betray The Best Head In The World.

No Acquisitions Of Guilt Can Compensate The Loss Of That Solid Inward Comfort Of Mind, Which Is The Sure Companion Of Innocence And Virtue; Nor Can In The Least Balance The Evil Of That Horror And Anxiety Which, In Their Room, Guilt Introduces Into Our Bosoms.

Gravity Is The Best Cloak For Sin In All Countries.

He In A Few Minutes Ravished This Fair Creature, Or At Least Would Have Ravished Her, If She Had Not, By A Timely Compliance, Prevented Him.

The Highest Friendship Must Always Lead Us To The Highest Pleasure.

It Is Not From Nature, But From Education And Habits, That Our Wants Are Chiefly Derived.

These Are Called The Pious Frauds Of Friendship.

As A Conquered Rebellion Strengthens A Government, Or As Health Is More Perfectly Established By Recovery From Some Diseases; So Anger, When Removed, Often Gives New Life To Affection.

Where The Law Ends Tyranny Begins.

Enough Is Equal To A Feast.

Dignity And Love Were Never Yet Boon Companions.

A Tender-hearted And Compassionate Disposition, Which Inclines Men To Pity And Feel The Misfortunes Of Others, And Which Is, Even For Its Own Sake, Incapable Of Involving Any Man In Ruin And Misery, Is Of All Tempers Of Mind The Most Amiable; And Though It Seldom Receives Much Honor, Is Worthy Of The Highest.

A Man May Go To Heaven With Half The Pains It Cost Him To Purchase Hell.

Public Schools Are The Nurseries Of All Vice And Immorality.

Penny Saved Is A Penny Got.

Though We May Sometimes Unintentionally Bestow Our Beneficence On The Unworthy, It Does Not Take From The Merit Of The Act. For Charity Doth Not Adopt The Vices Of Its Objects.

Tea! The Panacea For Everything From Weariness To A Cold To A Murder Love And Scandal Are The Best Sweeteners Of Tea.

The Hounds All Join In Glorious Cry, / The Huntsman Winds His Horn: / And A-hunting We Will Go.

Distance Of Time And Place Do Really Cure What They Seem To Aggravate; And Taking Leave Of Our Friends Resembles Taking Leave Of The World, Concerning Which It Hath Been Often Said, That It Is Not Death But Dying Which Is Terrible.

Domestic Happiness Is The End Of Almost All Our Pursuits, And The Common Reward Of All Our Pains. When Men Find Themselves Forever Barred From This Delightful Fruition, They Are Lost To All Industry, And Grow Careless Of All Their Worldly Affairs. Thus They Become Bad Subjects, Bad Relations, Bad Friends, And Bad Men.

Considering The Unforeseen Events Of This World, We Should Be Taught That No Human Condition Should Inspire Men With Absolute Despair.

Clergy Are Men As Well As Other Folks.

Fear Hath The Common Fault Of A Justice Of Peace, And Is Apt To Conclude Hastily From Every Slight Circumstance, Without Examining The Evidence On Both Sides.

Adversity Is The Trial Of Principle. Without It, A Man Hardly Knows Whether He Is Honest Or Not.

Money Is The Fruit Of Evil, As Often As The Root Of It.

To The Composition Of Novels And Romances, Nothing Is Necessary But Paper, Pens, And Ink, With The Manual Capacity Of Using Them.

A Good Countenance Is A Letter Of Recommendation.

Recommendations

The Dignity Of History.

Commend A Fool For His Wit, Or A Rogue For His Honesty And He Will Receive You Into His Favour.

A Wonder Lasts But Nine Days, And Then The Puppy's Eyes Are Open.

Good Writers Will, Indeed, Do Well To Imitate The Ingenious Traveller. . .who Always Proportions His Stay In Any Place.

Setting Down In Writing, Is A Lasting Memory.

None Of Our Political Writers . . . Take Notice Of Any More Than Three Estates, Namely, Kings, Lords And Commons . . . Passing By In Silence That Very Large And Powerful Body Which Form The Fourth Estate In The Community . . . The Mob.

Let No Man Be Sorry He Has Done Good, Because Others Concerned With Him Have Done Evil! If A Man Has Acted Right, He Has Done Well, Though Along; If Wrong, The Sanction Of All Mankind Will Not Justify Him.

Great Vices Are The Proper Objects Of Our Detestation, Smaller Faults Of Our Pity, But Affectation Appears To Be The Only True Source Of The Ridiculous.

The Good Or Evil We Confer On Others Very Often, I Believe, Recoils On Ourselves; For As Men Of A Benign Disposition Enjoy Their Own Acts Of Beneficence Equally With Those To Whom They Are Done, So There Are Scarce Any Natures So Entirely Diabolical As To Be Capable Of Doing Injuries Without Paying Themselves Some Pangs For The Ruin Which They Bring On Their Fellow-creatures.

For Nothing Can Be More Reasonable, Than That Slaves And Flatterers Should Exact The Same Taxes On All Below Them, Which They Themselves Pay To All Above Them.

Prudence Is A Duty Which We Owe Ourselves, And If We Will Be So Much Our Own Enemies As To Neglect It, We Are Not To Wonder If The World Is Deficient In Discharging Their Duty To Us; For When A Man Lays The Foundation Of His Own Ruin, Others Too Often Are Apt To Build Upon It.

A Truly Elegant Taste Is Generally Accompanied With Excellency Of Heart.

What Was Said By The Latin Poet Of Labor--that It Conquers All Things--is Much More True When Applied To Impudence.

He That Dies Before Sixty, Of A Cold Or Consumption, Dies, In Reality, By A Violent Death.

Guilt, On The Contrary, Like A Base Thief, Suspects Every Eye That Beholds Him To Be Privy To His Transgressions, And Every Tongue That Mentions His Name To Be Proclaiming Them.

Hairbreadth Missings Of Happiness Look Like The Insults Of Fortune.

When Mighty Roast Beef Was The Englishman's Food It Ennobled Our Hearts And Enriched Our Blood-- Our Soldiers Were Brave And Our Courtiers Were Good. Oh! The Roast Beef Of England. And Old England's Roast Beef.

Want Compassion Is Not To Be Numbered Among The General Faults Of Mankind. The Black Ingredient Which Fouls Our Disposition Is Envy. Hence Our Eyes, It Is To Be Feared, Are Seldom Turned Up To Those Who Are Manifestly Greater, Better, Wiser, Or Happier Than Ourselves, Without Some Degree Of Malignity, We Commonly Look Downward On The Mean And Miserable With Sufficient Benevolence And Pity.

It Is Well Known To All Great Men, That By Conferring An Obligation They Do Not Always Procure A Friend, But Are Certain Of Creating Many Enemies.

It Is Admirably Remarked, By A Most Excellent Writer, That Zeal Can No More Hurry A Man To Act In Direct Opposition To Itself Than A Rapid Stream Can Carry A Boat Against Its Own Current.

The Life Of A Coquette Is One Constant Lie; And The Only Rule By Which You Can Form Any Correct Judgment Of Them Is That They Are Never What They Seem.

Handsome Is That Handsome Does.

In The Forming Of Female Friendships Beauty Seldom Recommends One Woman To Another.

Female Friendship

A Lover, When He Is Admitted To Cards, Ought To Be Solemnly Silent, And Observe The Motions Of His Mistress. He Must Laugh When She Laughs, Sigh When She Sighs. In Short, He Should Be The Shadow Of Her Mind. A Lady, In The Presence Of Her Lover, Should Never Want A Looking-glass; As A Beau, In The Presence Of His Looking-glass, Never Wants A Mistress.

And Here, I Believe, The Wit Is Generally Misunderstood. In Reality, It Lies In Desiring Another To Kiss Your A-- For Having Just Before Threatened To Kick His; For I Have Observed Very Accurately, That No One Ever Desires You To Kick That Which Belongs To Himself, Nor Offers To Kiss This Part In Another.

The Raillery Which Is Consistent With Good-breeding Is A Gentle Animadversion Of Some Foible, Which, While It Raises The Laugh In The Rest Of The Company, Doth Not Put The Person Rallied Out Of Countenance, Or Expose Him To Shame Or Contempt. On The Contrary, The Jest Should Be So Delicate That The Object Of It Should Be Capable Of Joining In The Mirth It Occasions.

It Is Not Enough That Your Designs, Nay That Your Actions, Are Intrinsically Good, You Must Take Care They Shall Appear So.

Life May As Properly Be Called An Art As Any Other.

As The Malicious Disposition Of Mankind Is Too Well Known, And The Cruel Pleasure Which They Take In Destroying The Reputation Of Others, The Use We Are To Make Of This Knowledge Is, To Afford No Handle For Reproach; For Bad As The World Is, It Seldom Falls On Anyone Who Hath Not Given Some Slight Cause For Censure.

Beauty May Be The Object Of Liking--great Qualities Of Admiration--good Ones Of Esteem--but Love Only Is The Object Of Love.

A Rich Man Without Charity Is A Rogue; And Perhaps It Would Be No Difficult Matter To Prove That He Is Also A Fool.

Affectation Proceeds From One Of These Two Causes,--vanity Or Hypocrisy; For As Vanity Puts Us On Affecting False Characters, In Order To Purchase Applause; So Hypocrisy Sets Us On An Endeavor To Avoid Censure, By Concealing Our Vices Under An Appearance Of Their Opposite Virtues.

A Beau Is Everything Of A Woman But The Sex, And Nothing Of A Man Beside It.

Petition Me No Petitions, Sir, To-day; Let Other Hours Be Set Apart For Business. To-day It Is Our Pleasure To Be Drunk; And This Our Queen Shall Be As Drunk As We.

When Children Are Doing Nothing, They Are Doing Mischief.

The Woman And The Soldier Who Do Not Defend The First Pass Will Never Defend The Last.

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