Background Image

...

The Next Minute Or So Was Spent Howling On The Ceiling . Imp No.1 Joined In, But He Wasn't Really Feeling It. It Shouldn't Be "who Do We Hate?", He Thought, It Really Should Be "whom", But This Probably Wasn't A Good Time To Bring That Up.

-Eoin Colfer

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

The Next Minute Or

Eoin Colfer

...

The Next Minute Or So Was Spent Howling On The Ceiling . Imp No.1 Joined In, But He Wasn't Really Feeling It. It Shouldn't Be "who Do We Hate?", He Thought, It Really Should Be "whom", But This Probably Wasn't A Good Time To Bring That Up.

Views: 5

Topic

More From Eoin Colfer

Artemis Felt Like He Was Six Again And Caught Hacking The School Computers Trying To Make The Test Questions Harder

Is That How You're Going To Take Me? Scare Me Into Voluntarily Coming Aboard, Then Steal My Ice Cube?" "it's Always Cubes With You," Noted Foaly, Somewhat Randomly. "what's Wrong With A Nice Sphere?

I Have A Lovely Office At The Back Of My House; It's An Old Stable And You Can See Right Out To The Countryside On One Side And Into The House On The Other Side.

Genius Inspires Resentment. A Sad Fact Of Life.

Holly Clambered After Him, Struggling Up The Human-size Steps. "wait! Just Wait," She Called, Overtaking Artemis And Looking Him In The Eye From One Step Up. "i Know You, Artemis. You Like To Play Your Genius Card Close To Your Chest Until The Big Reveal. And That's Worked Out For Us So Far. But This Time You Need To Let Me In. I Can Help. So, Tell Me The Truth, Do You Have A Plan?" Artemis Met His Friend's Gaze And Lied To Her Face. "no," He Said. "no Plan.

Don't You Worry About That, Mr. Adamsson. Why Don't You Head Back To Reykjavik And Spend Some Of That Extortionate Fee You Charged Me For A Couple Of Hours' Usage Of Your Frankly Third-rate Restaurant And Perhaps Find A Friendless Tree Stump To Listen To Your Woes?

Certainly, Doctor. Let's Talk About Your Chair. Victorian?

I'm The Crazy Girly Captain, Remember?

Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, We Are Both Imbeciles. I Don't Expect Lateral Thinking From The Lep, But From You..." ... "what Is It?" [holly] Asked, Afraid Of The Answer, Which Must Surely Be Terrible. "yeah," Agreed Foaly, Who Always Had Time To Feel Insulted. "why Am I An Imbecile?

Remember This? You Gave It To Me For Ensuring Your Trigger Finger Got Reattached To Your Hand. You Said It Would Remind Me Of That Spark Of Decency Inside Me. I'm Trying To Do Something Decent Now, Captain.

Ah, My Princess. Noble Steed. How Does The Morning Find You Both?

Don't Hate Me Forever, Arty," Whispered Holly. "i Couldn't Bear That.

If Koboi Defeats And Presumably Murders Us Both Then You Can Consider The Debt Null And Void.

Look!" Said Foaly, Pointing With Some Urgency Into The Vast Steel-gray Gloom, "someone Who Cares!

Well, I Don't Like The First Bit And I Don't Know The Last Bit. So I'm Really Hoping The Middle Bit Is Exceptional.

You Guys Looking For My Dad? People Are Always, Like, Looking For Him, And He's Never Around. Daddy Is So Not Here. And I Mean That Literally And Spiritually.

Listen To Me, Convict. I Have Not Traveled All This Way To Listen To Your War Stories. So Shut Your Trap Before I Shut It For You. Commander Julius Root

I Am Not Exuding Anything," Said Holly Through Gritted Teeth. Orion Tapped Her Shoulder. "i Beg To Differ. You're Exuding Right Now, A Wonderful Aura. It's Pastel Blue With Little Dolphins.

Yes, Chix, It's Between Us. Everyone Has A Right To Be Temporarily Unstable. - Foaly

If Elmore Leonard Met Jim Thompson Down A Dark Alley At Midnight They Might Emerge A Week Later With Thick Beards, Bloodshot Eyes And The Manuscript For The Big O.

Sounded Like Girls. Mixed Feelings On That Score. He Didn't Despise Them With The Same Passion He Used To. In Fact, Benny Suspected That There Would Come A Time In The Not-too-distant Future When He Might Develop A Mysterious Interest In Them.

Knock Yourself Out... Or Rather, Don't.

Grab Some Caviar From The Kitchen. You Wouldn't Believe The Muck They Feed Us In Bartleby's For Ten Thousand A Term.

Humm Humm Haaa. Rahmumm Humm Haaaa," Intoned Opal, Finishing Her Chant. "peace Be Inside Me, Tolerance All Around Me, Forgiveness In My Path. Now, Mervall, Show Me Where The Filthy Human Is So That I May Feed Him His Organs.

The Next Minute Or So Was Spent Howling On The Ceiling . Imp No.1 Joined In, But He Wasn't Really Feeling It. It Shouldn't Be "who Do We Hate?", He Thought, It Really Should Be "whom", But This Probably Wasn't A Good Time To Bring That Up.

Scientists Are The Enemies Of Tradition , And Tradition Own All The Prisons. - Victor Vigny

There Will Be Consequences For This, He Thought. You Can't Alter Time And Not Be Affected. But Whatever The Consequences Are, I Will Bear Them, Because The Alternative Is Too Terrible. -artemis Fowl, The Lost Colony

And One More Thing. About My Name — Artemis — You Were Right. In London, It Is Generally A Female Name, After The Greek Goddess Of Archery. But Every Now And Then A Male Comes Along With Such A Talent For Hunting That He Earns The Right To Use The Name. I Am That Male. Artemis The Hunter. I Hunted You.

Artemis: How Long Will It Take You To Prepare The Time Spell? N1 Chewed His Knuckle: About As Long As It Takes You To Take Your Clothes Off. "aaarrk," Artemis Half Choked.

No Matter What Dimension You're In, There's A Big-headed Male Trying To Take Over The World.

Who Are You?" He Asked. I Am The Future Queen Of This World, At The Very Least. You May Refer To Me As Mistress Koboi For The Next Five Minutes. After That You May Refer To Me As Aaaaarrrrgh, Hold Your Throat, Die Screaming, And So On.

Nobody's Death Is Impending." ..."well Technically Everyone's Death Is Impending.

...hardly. A Ragged Apron Does Not A Waiter Make.

It's Like Learning To Ride A Unicorn. You Never Forget.

I Waved My Hand In Front Of My Face, Obi-wan Style. "i Am Not Here." Niall's Mucas Glands Kicked Into Overdrive. "eoin's Dead! And His Ghost Is Standing Right There On The Grass!" Donal Let Out A Long Suffering Sigh. "eoin Is Being A Writer." Niall Calmed Down, Becuase Everyone Knows Writers Are Weird And Are Always Doing Stupid Thingss.

You Wouldn't Know A Clue If It Danced In Front Of You With A T-shirt That Read 'i'm A Clue

People Are Afraid Of You, Arty. Girls Are Terrified Of You. You’re A Fifteen-year-old In A Bespoke Suit, And Nobody Died.

Benny Was Awake Again. Happened Every Morning.

People Like Me, Lb, The Truly Great Ones ... We Are Always Alone.

In Spite Of What Youngsters Think, Parents Do Not Get A Sneaky Thrill Out Of Punishing Their Children.

Control Puberty?" Snorted The Bodyguard."if You Manage That, You'll Be The First.

...to Be Injured On This Tundra Would Lead To A Quick And Painful Death—or At The Very Least Abject Humiliation Before The Popping Flashes Of The Tourist Season's Tail End, Which Was Slightly Less Painful Than A Painful Death, But Lasted Longer.

I Don't Suppose You Would Consider Peaceful Surrender?

I Have Always Loved 'stig Of The Dump.' I Think Reading That Book Made Me Officially Realise That I Was A Reader.

It Was Calling Me, That Button," He Offered As His Excuse. "i Couldn't Resist." -mulch Diggums On A Highly Press-able Button-

Artemis Turned And Stared At His Friend With The Blue Eyes. Holly Was Staring Back, And She Was Smiling. “i Remember,” She Said Aloud. “you Saved Me.” Artemis Smiled Back. “it Never Happened,” He Said.

Butler,” He Called, His Voice Thin And Childlike In The Wind. “yes, Artemis, What?” “if Something Goes Wrong, Wait For Me. No Matter How It Looks, I Will Return. I Will Bring Them All Back.

Just What We Need," Moaned Holly. "artemis Fowl With Magical Powers.

As A Child, Zaphod Had Been Diagnosed With Adhddaaadhd (ntm) Abt Which Stood For Always Dreaming His Dopey Days Away, Also Attention Deficit Hyperflactulance Disorder (not To Mention) A Bit Thick.

Everything Rests On The Poisoned Wine. If It Were Just The Queen, I Could Force It Down Her Gullet, But Declan Broekhart Would Run Me Through With That Damned Ceremonial Sword, And If His Wife's Stares Were Daggers, He'd Be Dead Already.

Trust Me. I Haven't Been Wrong Yet.

Boo-hoo. Help Me, I'm A Girl. What Kind Of Modern Woman Are You? A Smart One.

Hey, If You Can't Remember, Don't Worry About It. I'm Having A Few Memory Problems Myself In This Place. Little Things Like How Long I've Been Here, What My Purpose In Life Is, Which Feet To Put My Shoes On. Stuff Like That.

Have You Ever Heard Of The Theory Of Relativity?" Artemis Blinked. "is This A Joke? I Have Traveled Through Time, Doctor. I Think I Know A Little Something About Relativity.

A Pity To Survive Night Flights Over St. Georges Channel Only To Crack My Skull Falling From A Ladder.

Artemis Fowl Grinned Right Back At Him And Pointed His Index Finger To The Sky... From The Tip Of This Finger Sprang A Small Blue Spark That Exploded Like A Tiny Firework. “i Know Magic Can Be Stolen,” Said Artemis. “because I Stole Some Myself.

When The Moment Comes, Will You Take Your Chance To Be A Hero?

I Did What All Good Iriah Dads Do When Faced With A Worthy Adversary..i Said Ask Your Mother!!

I Want You To Know, My Dear Friend, That Without You, I Would Not Be The Person I Am Today." He Leaned In Close And Whispered, "i Was A Broken Boy, And You Fixed Me. Thank You.

Evolution Is A Theory With More Holes Than A Dutch Dam Of Swiss Cheese.

That’s What I Thought. When I Looked That Human In The Face. I Figured He Was Either A Genius Or Crazy.” Artemis’s Cool Eyes Glared At Them From The Screen. “so Which Is It?” Asked Foaly. “a Genius Or Crazy?” Root Grabbed His Tri-barreled Blaster From The Gun Rack. “what’s The Difference?

If I Win, I'm A Prodigy. If I Lose, Then I'm Crazy. That's The Way History Is Written.

My Truffles? You Took Them? That's Just Mean!

Careful, Mr. Spiro, Guns Are Dangerous. Especially The End With The Hole.

I Can't Imagine What They're Planning. But I Can Tell You Two Things. We Won't Like It, And It Won't Be Legal.

Can We Please Focus? We Are Supposed To Be Professionals." Holly Said. "not Me!" Said Orion Cheerily, "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild And May I Say, Young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction.

Oh,it's Going To Be So Easy To Kill You",scoffed Opal.

You Know You're In Trouble When Your Own Imagination Starts Punishing You.

You Need To Stop Thinking With Your Head, Mud Boy, And Start Thinking With Your Heart.” Artemis Sighed. The Heart Was An Organ For Pumping Oxygen-rich Blood To The Cells. It Could No More Think Than An Apple Could Tap-dance.

That Was All He Said, Except For "aaaeerrgghhh." Which Is Not Really A Word. But The Reason That He Screamed "aaaeerrgghhh" Was That Franco Had Bitten Him Savegly On The Wrist.

Chaos Reigned, And The Survivalists Eagerly Unwrapped The Kidskin From Their Crossbows. Phase One Of Opal's Plan Was Complete.

Stay Back, Human. You Don't Know What You're Dealing With.

Look At Those Two. Wasting Time. You Wouldn't Catch Me Doing That.

Holly Is Alive,' Thought Foaly 'my Princess Lives,'exulted Orion. 'and We're Chasing A Dragon

It'll Be Messy, But After A Day You'll Be Zipping Around As Though You Were A Thousand Years Old Again.

You Display Inordinate Pride For Someone Who Has Completed A Task Which Could Have Been Performed By A Lesser Primate In A Shorter Time.

"i Live For Agressive Action!" Thundered Orion Squeakily, Which Was Unusual. "oh, How I Pray That Dragon Will Turn Round That I May Smite It." "smite It With What?" Wondered Foaly. "your Secret Birthmark?" "don't You Mock My Birthmark, Which I May Or May Not Have.

I Wear A Name Tag To Help People Find Me. It Saves Time When You're Dealing With Idiots.

I Am Butler. Anything I Say Sounds Scary.

I Am So Sick Of You Smart Kids. Why Can't You Just Boost Cars Or Steal Stuff Like Normal Kids?' 'we Do Steal Stuff. Just Bigger Stuff.

Dreams Come True All The Time, Just Not For The Dreamers

It Took Teams Of Lep Warlocks To Slow Down Time For A Few Hours; The Magic Required To Open A Door To The Tunnel Was Stupendous. It Would Be Easier To Shoot Down The Moon. Opal Tapped This Into Her Notepad. Reminder. Shoot Down The Moon? Viable?

Everyone Says That I Have No Sense Of Humor, Then I Construct A Perfectly Sound Pun Around A Well-known Psychological Condition, And It Is Ignored.

I'm Not Threatening You. I'm Just Informing You Of Police Procedure. If You Continue To Obstruct Me, I Remove The Obstruction, In This Case You, And Proceed To The Next Command.

Holly Died Without A Friend To Hold Her Hand. Artemis Felt Her Go, Another Gift Of The Magic. He Kept On Counting, Brushing Away The Tears On His Cheeks.

It Would Take Less Than A Second For You To Die. But That's Quite Long Enough To Be In Mortal Agony, Don't You Think?

Chief Of Security : They Have A Tank! How Did They Get A Tank Up Here?

"that Was Horrible. Horrible. That Poor Little Guy." Pex Was Unrepentant. "yeah, Well, He Asked For It. Calling Us... All Those Things." But Buried Alive?! That's Like In That Horror Movie. Y'know The One With All The Horror." "i Think I Saw That One. With All The Words Going Up On The Screen At The End?" "yeah, That Was It. Tell You The Truth, Those Words Kinda Ruined It For Me."

Hilarious, Dude. You Should, Like, Have Your Own Show.

No, Mademoiselle, I Would Not Like To See The Children's Menu. I Have No Doubt That The Children's Menu Itself Tastes Better Than The Meals On It. I Would Like To Order à La Carte. Or Don't You Serve Fish To Minors?

She Can't Afford To Commit More Troops,' Holly Whispered. 'the Gate Is Her Priority, And She Needs To Have As Many Berserkers Watching Her Back As Possible. We Are Secondary At This Point.' 'that Will Be Her Undoing,' Artemis Gasped, Already Suffering Under The Weight Of The Flak Jacket. 'artemis Fowl Will Never Be Secondary.' 'i Thought You Were Artemis Fowl The Second?' Said Holly.

Of Course. Opal Is Toying With Our Emotions For Her Own Gratification. Nothing More. She Wishes To Place Herself In A Position Of Power, Emotionally.

Position Of Power

There Were Only Two Men On The Planet Better Educated In The Various Martial Arts Than Butler, And He Was Related To One Of Them. The Other Lived On An Island In The South China Sea, And Spent His Days Meditating And Beating Up Palm Trees. You Had To Feel Sorry For The B'wa Kell.

Really, I'm Trying To Care, Artemis, Really. But I Thought It Was All Supposed To Be Over When The Fat Lady Sings. Well, She's Singing, But It Doesn't Appear To Be Over

Artemis Ducked. Cudgeon Didn't. Guess What? Artemis Was Smarter.

And I Will Not Be Beaten By That Jackass." "jackass?" Said Foaly, Wounded. "my Favorite Uncle Is A Jackass.

A Monkey Glances Up And Sees A Banana, And That's As Far As He Looks. A Visionary Looks Up And Sees The Moon.

Foaly Twitched His Tail Contentedly. Genius. No Point In Being Humble About It.

The Humans Were Protecting Their Heritage, Or So They Thought. Strange That Mud Men Seem More Concerned About The Past Than The Present.

Artemis Looked At Holly And Felt A Tremendous Affection For Her... He Could Properly Appreciate How Fierce And Beautiful His Best Friend Was... She Is Truly Magical, Thought Artemis. Perhaps Her Qualities Are More Obvious To Me Now That I Have Decided To Sacrifice Myself.

Inside The Mirrored Elevator, Mulch Used A Telescopic Pointer To Push P For The Penthouse. For The First Few Months He Had Jumped To Reach The Button, But That Was Undignified Behavior For A Millionaire. And Besides, He Was Certain That Art Could Hear The Thumping From The Security Desk.

I'm Lep. A Captain. No Rent-a-cop Gnome Is Going To Stand In The Way Of My Orders.

Ma Was Using Her For-company Voice. Sweet On The Outside But With An Underlying Death Threat.

Sometimes Plans Don't Translate Smoothly From Paper To Real Life.

Shut Up, Julius! I Mean, Quiet A Moment, Commander.

Quickly, Holly," Said Artemis Urgently. "follow Those Bubbles." Holly Opened The Throttle. "now There's An Order I Never Thought I'd Hear From You.

Holly: Are You Suggesting I Occasionally Stray From The Rule Book? Foaly: No. I'm Suggesting You Do Not Own A Copy Of The Rule Book, And If You Do, You Have Certainly Never Opened It.

Confidence Is Ignorance. If You're Feeling Cocky, It's Because There's Something You Don't Know.

They Have Gone. And The Tunnel Is About To Close. So, Boys, I Am Looking For Someone To Blame.

Tea? At The Beach? No Time For Luxuries, Holly. There Is Important Work To Be Done.” He Winked At Butler. “are You Sure You’re At The Library? I Thought I Heard Water.” Artemis Smiled, Enjoying The Exchange. “water? Surely Not. The Only Thing Flowing Here Is Information.” “are You Grinning, Artemis? For Some Reason I Get The Feeling That You’re Wearing That Smug Smile Of Yours.

Holly Frowned At Her. "glad To See You've Forgiven Yourself So Quickly." "harboring Feelings Of Guilt Can Have A Negative Affect On Mental Health." "child Geniuses," Growled Holly. "genii," Said Minerva.

Artemis: Holly, How Did You Find Me? Holly: Oh, I Saw A Huge Explosion And Wondered: Now, Who Could That Be?

Maybe I’ll Keep You.” Abbot Chuckled And Prodded Artemis’s Back With His Sword. “it’d Be Nice To Have A Pet Human Around. I Could Teach You Tricks.” “i Have A Trick For You,” Said Artemis, And He Fired A Single Blast From The Gun.

Victor Vigny: It Is Like The Old Fairy Tale. The Boy Saves The Princess; They Fall In Love. He Invents A Flying Machine - Along With His Dashing Teacher, Of Course. They Get Married And Name Thier Firstborn After The Aforementioned Dashing Teacher. Conor: I Don't Recall That Fairy Tale From The Nursery. Victor Vigny: Trust Me, It's A Classic.

Falling In Love

Gold Is Power-artemis Fowl I Liked The Artemis Fowl Series Because Its About A Boy Genius

Satan Was Crouched In The Corner Of His Office, Playing A Gameboy, 'die Alien Scum' He Was Saying Feverishly.

I Am Charging You With The Protection Of My Mother And Friends, Not To Mention Keeping My Younger Self Off The Internet. He Is As Dangerous As Opal.

Now I Can Do The Bolts," She Slurred. "i've Been Trying To Focus Enough Magic All Week." The Magic Shifted And Swirled, Finally Etching A Picture In The Air. It Was A Rough Picture Of Foaly, And He Was Laughing. I Hate You, Centaur!" Screamed Opal, Lunging Toward, And Then Through, The Insubstantial Image. Her Eyes Rolled Back Into Her Head, And Then She Collapsed, Snoring, On The Floor. Artemis Straightened His Tie. Freud, He Was Certain, Would Have A Field Day With That.

'insanity... I Like It."

Sig Sauer. Nine Millimetres. Thirteen In The Magazine. Big Bullets. One Of These Hits You And It Could Blow Your Head Off; Something Even The Magic Can't Fix. Other Than That You Should Be All Right, Presuming You Remembered To Wear The Regulation Above-ground Micro-fibre Jumpsuit Recently Patented By Me. Then Again, Being A Recon Jock, You Probably Didn't.

Waitress: "and To Drink?" Artemis: "spring Water. Irish, If You Have It. And No Ice, Please. As Your Ice Is No Doubt Made From Tap Water, Which Rather Defeats The Purpose Of Spring Water.

I Do Like To Read In Bed, But Because I Have Two Kids I'm Often Forced To Read In The Bathroom.

Why Can't We For Once Have A Meeting In Starbucks?

Radomosity, Thought Artemis. And He Felt Like Weeping.

The Two Of Them Went Down In A Heap, With Not Even A Turkey To Break Their Fall.

Anything Can Be Real. Every Imaginable Thing Is Happening Somewhere Along The Dimensional Axis. These Things Happen A Billion Times Over With Exactly The Same Outcome And No One Learns Anything. Whatever A Person Can Think, Imagine, Wish For, Or Believe Has Already Come To Pass. Dreams Come True All The Time, Just Not For The Dreamers.

Artemis: I Am Not Buoyed By That. Foaly: You Are Not Supposed To Be Buoyed By That. You Are Supposed To Be Equalized. Mulch: I'm Pretty Sure That Both Of You Just Made Really Horrible Jokes. But I'm Not Sure Because I Think You Broke My Funny Bone.

Butler Was Seeing The World As It Was, Complete With L.e.p Retrival Team

But Even Though There Were Plenty Of Teeth In The Grin, There Was No Heart.

(about Dr. Po) Just Another Quack Spouting Psychobabble.

She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy, When The So-called Counselors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees. -artemis Fowl

A Genius. A Criminal Mastermind. A Millionaire. And He Is Only Twelve Years Old.

Thankfully The Rest Of The World Assumed That The Irish Were Crazy, A Theory That The Irish Themselves Did Nothing To Debunk. They Had Somehow Got It Into Their Heads That Each Fairy Lugged Around A Pot Of Gold With Him Wherever He Went. While It Was True That Lep Had A Ransom Fund, Because Of Its Officers' High-risk Occupation, No Human Had Ever Taken A Chunk Of It Yet. This Didn't Stop The Irish Population In General From Skulking Around Rainbows, Hoping To Win The Supernatural Lottery.

I Am Older And Have More Control Over My Empathy,' Said Qwan. 'that's Why I Didn't Throw Up.' And Having Said That, He Threw Up.

Miss Me? Bet You Did ... So Would I.

I Often Meet Frustrated Young Writers Who Say They've Only Got So Far And Just Can't Finish A Book. Even If You Don't Happen To Use What You've Worked On That Day, It Has Taught You Something And You'll Be Amazed When You Might Come Back To It And Use It Again.

No Alcohol, Riley." She Nodded At The Screen. "how Are You Liking The Twenty-first Century?" Riley Burped. "the Take That Are Most Melodic. And God Bless Harry Potter Is All I Can Say. If Not For Him, All Of London Would Have Been Consumed By The Dark Arts.

Friendship Isn't A Science Mudboy. Just Do What You Think Is Right.

The Only Other Scenario That Could Explain Everything, Up To And Including Your Own Bizarre Apperance, Is A Convoluted Conspiracy Theory Involving The Russian Mafia And A Crack Team Of Plastic Surgeons.

Orion Sniffed. "good. Then, Worthy Centaur, Perhaps You Could Give Me A Ride To The Village On Your Way Back. Then I Can Make A Few Pennies Wth My Verses While You Build Us A Shack And Perform Circus Tricks For Passersby." This Was Such A Surprising Statement That Foaly Briefly Considered Jumping Into The Hole To Get Away.

Now Before We Get Into Anything, Ladies, No Scratching, No Spitting And No Tattling To Mummy.

He Knew That Dr. Argon Would Advise Him Against Bottling Up His Emotions As It Would Lead To Psychological Scarring In The Long Term.

The Craft's Occupants Clutched Their Armrests, And More Than One Of Them Closed Their Eyes. But Not Artemis. He Couldn't. There Was Something Morbidly Fascinating About Flying Into An Uncharted Tunnel At A Reckless Speed With Only A Kleptomaniac Dwarf's Word For What Lay At The Other End.

Yes. Because Every Family Needs A Laser For Thier Family Jet.

I Don't Like Lollipops.

Orion Brightened. "i Have An Idea." "yes?" Said Foaly, Daring To Hope That A Spark Of Artemis Remained. "why Don't We Look For Some Magic Stones That Can Grant Wishes? Or, If That Doesn't Work, You Could Search My Naked Body For Some Mysterious Birthmark That Means I Am Actually The Prince Of Somewhere Or Other.

Don't Try To Understand Me, Just Be Grateful That You Felt The Warmth Of Zaphod Beeblebrox's Aura On Your Wonderstruck Face.

So If You're Not Artemis Fowl, Then Who Are You?" The Boy Extended A Dripping Hand Straight Up. "my Name Is Orion. I Am So Pleased To Meet You At Last. I Am, Of Course, Your Servant." Holly Shook The Proferred Hand, Thinking That Manners Were Lovely, But She Really Needed Someone Cunning And Ruthless Right Now, And This Kid Didn't Appear To Be Very Cunning.

You Know, Miss Holly, You Look Very Dramatic Like That, Backlit By The Fire. Very Attractive, If I May Say So. I Know You Shared A Moment Passionne With Artemis Which He Subsequently Fouled Up With His Typical Boorish Behavior. Let Me Just Throw Something Out There For You To Consider While We're Chasing The Probe: I Share Artemis's Passion But Not His Boorishness. No Pressure; Just Think About It. This Was Enough To Elicit A Deafening Moment Of Silence Even In The Middle Of A Crisis, Which Orion Seemed To Be Blissfully Unaffected By.

Either That Boy Is The Sanest Creature On Earth, He Thought, Or He Is So Disturbed That Our Tests Cannot Even Begin To Scratch The Surface.

Together We Will Be Unstoppable.

We Lost The Crickets.

Humans Have A Saying That "beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder", Which Basically Means That If You Think It's Beautiful, Then It Is Beautiful. The Elfin Version Of This Saying Was Composed By The Great Poet B.o Selecta, Who Said "even The Plainest Of The Plain Shall Deign To Reign", Which Critics Have Always Thought Was A Bit Rhymey. The Dwarf Version Of This Maxim Is "if It Don't Stink, Marry It", Which Is Slightly Less Romantic, But The General Gist Is The Same.

The Theory Of Evolution Has More Holes In It Than A Dam Made Out Of Swiss Cheese.

Theory Of Evolution

Orion Nodded, Then Asked, “dwarf Cheese?” “cheese Made By Dwarfs.” “oh,” Said Orion, Relieved. “they Make It. It’s Not Actually . . .” “no. What A Horrible Thought.” “exactly.

Why Can't I Solve This Problem By Killing Someone? She Though Petulantly, Then Comforted Herself With The Mantra That Had Kept Her Going In Prison: "soon All The Humans Will Be Dead," She Said, Droning In The Time-honored Fashion Of Gurus Everywhere. "and Then Opal Will Be Loved." And Even If I'm Not Loved, She Thought, At Least All The Humans Will Be Dead.

Killing Someone

The Name's Bond. James Omar Bond.

Holly Winked. 'do I Look Like A Fly Boy To You, Fowl?' Artemis Had To Admit That She Didn't. Captain Short Was Extremely Pretty In A Dangerous Sort Of Way. Black-widow Pretty. Artemis Was Expecting Puberty To Hit In Approximately Eight Months, And He Suspected That At That Point He Would Look At Holly In A Different Light. It Was Probably Just As Well That She Was Eighty Years Old.

Her Glare Was So Intense That You Completely Forgot She Was Wearing Pink.

There’s Always Time For Babbling.

Trust Me. I'm A Genius.

Mulch Was Not Impressed. 'i'm Not Impressed,' He Said.

Caballine Likes Me To Be Masterful. She Calls Me Her Stallion.

Commander: What's That? Foaly: It's A Finger, What Does Look Like?

Most Craft Give A Nod, However Brief And Unfriendly, Towards Beauty. Vogon Ships Did Not Nod Towards Beauty. They Pulled On Ski Masks And Mugged Beauty In A Dark Alley They Spat In The Eye Of Beauty And Bludgeoned Their Wait Through The Notions Of Aesthetics And Aerodynamics. Vogon Cruisers Did Not So Much Travel Through Space As Defile It And Toss It Aside.

So, What Did You Get For Me?" Angeline Paused For A Beat. "jeans." "what?" Croaked Artemis. "and A T-shirt.

Not Me," Said Orion Cheerily. "i'm Just A Teenager With Hormones Running Wild. And May I Say ,young Fairy Lady, They're Running Wild In Your Direction." Holly Lifted Her Visor And Looked The Hormonal Teenager In The Eye. "this Had Better Not Be A Game, Artemis. If You Do Not Have Some Serious Psychosis, You Will Be Sorry." "oh, I'm Crazy, Alright. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses," Said Orion Cheerily. "multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This Is A Sensitive Area. For All You Know I Could Be Suffering From Depression. Doctor Po: I Suppose You Could. Is That The Case? Artemis: (head In Hands) It's My Mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My Mother, She... Doctor Po: Your Mother, Yes? Artemis: She Forces Me To Endure This Ridiculous Therapy When The School's So-called Counsellors Are Little Better Than Misguided Do-gooders With Degrees.

(about His Terrible Attempt At Making A Sandwich) It's More Difficult Than It Looks. (artemis Fowl)

Me," Artemis Blurted. "i'm The Nut." Artemis Could Have Sworn The Squid Winked At Him Before Bringing The Five-ton Chunk Of Spacecraft Swinging Down Toward The Morsel Of Meat In Its Blue Shell. "i'm The Nut!" Artemis Shouted Again, A Little Hysterically, It Must Be Said.

The Sarcasm Made A Slight Whistling Noise As It Flew Over Loafers' Head.

So, Let's Make A Deal: If You Do Not Voice All The Withering Comments About The Weight Or Uselessness Of This Jacket That Are No Doubt Swirling In That Big Brain Of Yours, Then I Will Not Mention The Super-laser Episode Again. Agreed?" This Jacket Is Really Cutting Into My Shoulders, Thought Artemis. And It's So Heavy That I Could Not Outrun A Slug. But He Said, "agreed.

Good. Illegal Is Always Faster.

...i Just Pulled A Pretty Big Job And Needed To Hide Out For Awhile." "...where's All The Loot?" "that, As My Cousin Nord Would Say, Is Where My Improvised Lie Falls Apart." Artemis Put Two And Two Together And Arrived At A Very Unpleasant Four. "you Were Here To Rob Me!" "no, I Wasn't. How Dare You?!

Ignorance, As They Say, Is Usually Fatal, But Sometimes It Can Be Bliss.

Listen To Me, Goblin. You're Stupid, Let's Accept That And Move On.

No, I Don't Think You Understand Just How Stupid Goblins Are. Let Me Give You An Example. One Of The B'wa Kell Generals, And This Is Their Top Fairy, Was Caught Caught Trying To Pass Off Forged Credit Slips By Signing His Own Name.

If It Looks Like A Dwarf, And It Smells Like A Dwarf, Then It's Probably A Dwarf Or A Latrine Wearing Dungerees.

In My Experience, Boys Are Predictable. As Soon As They Think Of Something, They Do It. Girls Are Smarter—they Plan Ahead. They Think About Not Getting Caught.

(to Foaly) Captain Short's Life Is In Danger, So Push The Button Before I Climb That Tower And Push It With Your Face!

Are You Saying That You People Knew About These Amorophobots All The Time?" "of Course We Did. They Attacked Us In Iceland. Remember?" "no. I Was Unconscious.

Who Or What Inspires You?" "i Must Admit That I Often Read My Own Articles In Scientific Journals And Inspire Myself.

If You're Going To Read Five Books, Three Should Be Issues And Two For Fun.

There Is No Such Thing As A Happy Ending. Every Culture Has A Maxim That Makes This Point, While Nowhere In The Universe Is There A Single Gravestone That Reads 'he Loved Everything About His Life, Especially The Dying Bit At The End'.

Don’t Feel Bad; I Regularly Reduce People To Unintelligible Stammers.

I Have No Time For Babbling Foolishness.” “don’t Be So Hasty,” Said Victor. “there’s Always Time For Babbling.

Connor Broekhart Was Born To Fly, Or More Accurately He Was Born Flying.

We Lost The Crickets," She Said. "even You Can't Make That Sound Tough." ..."i Am Butler," He Said With A Straight-face. "everything I Say Sounds Tough. Now, Get Out Of The Lake, Fairy.

Very Well. I Understand. Just ... Shut Up!

Foaly: Anyone See You Come In Here? Holly: The Fbi, Cia, Nsa, Dea, Mi6. Oh, And The Eib. Foaly: The Eib? Holly: (smirking) Everyone In The Building.

When I Went To School, I Was Already Reading And Writing. In Fact, I Was Offended That The Other Kids Couldn't.

A Cloak Of Invisibility? This Is A Highly Sensitive Piece Of Field Equipment. What Does He Think? Some Warlock Pulled It Out Of His Armpit?

I Bet," Said Mulch, "that You Would Set The World On Fire Just To Watch It Burn." Opal Tapped The Suggestion Into A Small Electronic Notepad On Her Pocket Computer. Thanks For That. Now, Tell Me Everything.

The Thing About Reading Is That If You Are Hooked, You're Not Going To Stop Just Because One Series Is Over; You're Going To Go And Find Something Else.

Red Was Smiling Back At Me. "ok. I'm Not In Trouble. But Tell Me Your Heart Didn't Start Beating For The First Time In A Month." I Couldn't Deny It. So I Didn't.

Oh, I'm Crazy All Right. I Do Have Plenty Of Psychoses. Multiple Personality, Delusional Dementia, Ocd. I've Got Them All, But Most Of All, I'm Crazy About You.

Vinyaya Was Being Openly Antagonistic, And That Was An Emotion That Could Be Trusted, Unless Of Course It Was A Bluff And The Commander Was A Secret Fan Of His, Unless It Was A Double Bluff And She Really Did Feel Antagonistic.

Im Riding A Troll! I Was Born To Do This,and Steal Stuff, And Eat Loads!

He Threw His Head Back And Sang, "'i Am A Centaur, Yes, A Centaur Is What I Am.' It's Not Like You To Wax, Artemis" "foaly Is Singing," Said Holly. "surely That's Illegal?

I Have To Tell You, Arty, A Screw Up This Early In The Proceedings Doesn't Exactly Fill Me With Confidence. I Hope You're As Clever As You Keep Telling Everyone You Are." "i Never Tell Anybody Exactly How Clever I Am. They Would Be Too Scared.

Trending Author

Ann-Marie MacDonald

Lawrence Clark Powell

Category