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The Hardest Thing Usually To Leave Behind, As Was The Case Now, Can Loosely Be Called The Conscience.

-Norman Maclean

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The Hardest Thing Usually

Norman Maclean

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The Hardest Thing Usually To Leave Behind, As Was The Case Now, Can Loosely Be Called The Conscience.

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A Mystery Of The Universe Is How It Has Managed To Survive With So Much Volunteer Help.

Of Course, Now I Am Too Old To Be Much Of A Fisherman, And Now Of Course I Usually Fish The Big Waters Alone, Although Some Friends Think I Shouldn't. Like Many Fly Fishermen In Western Montana Where The Summer Days Are Almost Arctic In Length, I Often Do Not Start Fishing Until The Cool Of The Evening. Then In The Arctic Half-light Of The Canyon, All Existence Fades To A Being With My Soul And Memories And The Sounds Of The Big Blackfoot River And A Four-count Rhythm And The Hope That A Fish Will Rise.

At Sunrise Everything Is Luminous But Not Clear.

Slowly We Became Silent, And Silence Itself If An Enemy To Friendship.

In Our Family, There Was No Clear Line Between Religion And Fly Fishing. We Lived At The Junction Of Great Trout Rivers In Western Montana, And Our Father Was A Presbyterian Minister And A Fly Fisherman Who Tied His Own Flies And Taught Others. He Told Us About Christ's Disciples Being Fishermen, And We Were Left To Assume, As My Brother And I Did, That All First-class Fishermen On The Sea Of Galilee Were Fly Fishermen And That John, The Favorite, Was A Dry-fly Fisherman.

Probably Most Catastrophes End This Way Without An Ending, The Dead Not Even Knowing How They Died...,those Who Loved Them Forever Questioning "this Unnecessary Death," And The Rest Of Us Tiring Of This Inconsolable Catastrophe And Turning To The Next One.

So It Is That We Can Seldom Help Anybody. Either We Don't Know What Part To Give Or Maybe We Don't Like To Give Any Part Of Ourselves. Then, More Often Than Not, The Part That Is Needed Is Not Wanted. And Even More Often, We Do Not Have The Part That Is Needed.

As For My Father, I Never Knew Whether He Believed God Was A Mathematician But He Certainly Believed God Could Count And That Only By Picking Up God's Rhythms Were We Able To Regain Power And Beauty. Unlike Many Presbyterians, He Often Used The Word "beautiful.

Poets Talk About "spots Of Time", But It Is Really The Fishermen Who Experience Eternity Compressed Into A Moment. No One Can Tell What A Spot Of Time Is Until Suddenly The Whole World Is A Fish And The Fish Is Gone.

As I Get Considerably Beyond The Biblical Allotment Of Three Score Years And Ten, I Feel With Increasing Intensity That I Can Express My Gratitude For Still Being Around On The Oxygen-side Of The Earth's Crust Only By Not Standing Pat On What I Have Hitherto Known And Loved. While Oxygen Lasts, There Are Still New Things To Love, Especially If Compassion Is A Form Of Love.

Ahead And To The West Was Our Ranger Station - And The Mountains Of Idaho, Poems Of Geology Stretching Beyond Any Boundaries And Seemingly Even Beyond The World.

It Is Very Important To A Lot Of People To Make Unmistakably Clear To Themselves And To The Universe That They Love The Universe But Are Not Intimidated By It And Will Not Be Shaken By It, No Matter What It Has In Store. Moreover, They Demand Something From Themselves Early In Life That Can Be Taken Ever After As A Demonstration Of This Abiding Feeling.

Eventually, All Things Merge Into One, And A River Runs Through It.

Yet Even In The Loneliness Of The Canyon I Knew There Were Others Like Me Who Had Brothers They Did Not Understand But Wanted To Help. We Are Probably Those Referred To As "our Brother's Keepers," Possessed Of One Of The Oldest And Possible One Of The Most Futile And Certainly One Of The Most Haunting Instincts. It Will Not Let Us Go.

Many Of Us Would Probably Be Better Fishermen If We Did Not Spend So Much Time Watching And Waiting For The World To Become Perfect

My Father Was Very Sure About Certain Matters Pertaining To The Universe. To Him All Good Things-trout As Well As Eternal Salvation-come By Grace And Grace Comes By Art And Art Does Not Come Easy.

The Hardest Thing Usually To Leave Behind, As Was The Case Now, Can Loosely Be Called The Conscience.

At The Time I Did Not Know That Stories Of Life Are Often More Like Rivers Than Books.

Unless We Are Willing To Escape Into Sentimentality Or Fantasy, Often The Best We Can Do With Catastrophes, Even Our Own, Is To Find Out Exactly What Happened And Restore Some Of The Missing Parts.

It Is Those We Live With And Love And Should Know Who Elude Us.

I Knew That, When Needed, Mountains Would Move For Me.

A River, Though, Has So Many Things To Say That It Is Hard To Know What It Says To Each Of Us.

At Sunrise Everything Is Luminous But Not Clear. It Is Those We Live With And Love And Should Know Who Elude Us. You Can Love Completely Without Complete Understanding.

When I Was Young, A Teacher Had Forbidden Me To Say "more Perfect" Because She Said If A Thing Is Perfect It Can't Be More So. But By Now I Had Seen Enough Of Life To Have Regained My Confidence In It.

In Our Family, There Was No Clear Line Between Religion And Fly Fishing.

We Sat On The Bank And The River Went By. As Always, It Was Making Sounds To Itself, And Now It Made Sounds To Us. It Would Be Hard To Find Three Men Sitting Side By Side Who Knew Better What A River Was Saying.

Help Is Giving Part Of Yourself To Somebody Who Comes To Accept It Willingly And Needs It Badly.

One Great Thing About Fly Fishing Is That After A While Nothing Exists Of The World But Thoughts About Fly Fishing

Each One Of Us Here Today Will At One Time In Our Lives Look Upon A Loved One Who Is In Need And Ask The Same Question: We Are Willing To Help, Lord, But What, If Anything, Is Needed? For It Is True We Can Seldom Help Those Closest To Us. Either We Don't Know What Part Of Ourselves To Give Or, More Often Than Not, The Part We Have To Give Is Not Wanted. And So It Is Those We Live With And Should Know Who Elude Us. But We Can Still Love Them - We Can Love Completely Without Complete Understanding.

If Our Father Had Had His Way, Nobody Who Did Not Know How To Fish Would Be Allowed To Disgrace A Fish By Catching Him.

One Of Life's Quiet Excitements Is To Stand Somewhat Apart From Yourself And Watch Yourself Softly Becoming The Author Of Something Beautiful Even If It Is Only A Floating Ash.

We Can Love Completely What We Cannot Completely Understand.

The Nearest Anyone Can Come To Finding Himself At Any Given Age Is To Find A Story That Somehow Tells Him About Himself.

He Told Us About Christ's Disciples Being Fisherman, And We Were Left To Assume...that All Great Fishermen On The Sea Of Galilee Were Fly Fisherman And That John, The Favorite, Was A Dry-fly Fisherman.

When Exhausted And Feeling Sorry For Yourself, At Least Change Your Socks.

The World Is Full Of Bastards, The Number Increasing Rapidly The Further One Gets From Missoula, Montana.

How Can A Question Be Answered That Asks A Lifetime Of Questions.

I Am Haunted By Waters.

All Good Things Come By Grace, And Grace Comes By Art, And Art Does Not Come Easy.

I Had As Yet No Notion That Life Every Now And Then Becomes Literature—not For Long, Of Course, But Long Enough To Be What We Best Remember, And Often Enough So That What We Eventually Come To Mean By Life Are Those Moments When Life, Instead Of Going Sideways, Backwards, Forward, Or Nowhere At All, Lines Out Straight, Tense And Inevitable, With A Complication, Climax, And, Given Some Luck, A Purgation, As If Life Had Been Made And Not Happened.

...life Every Now And Then Becomes Literature...as If Life Had Been Made And Not Happened.

Now Nearly All Those I Loved And Did Not Understand When I Was Young Are Dead, But I Still Reach Out To Them.

Eventually, All Things Merge Into One, And A River Runs Through It. The River Was Cut By The World's Great Flood And Runs Over Rocks From The Basement Of Time. On Some Of The Rocks Are Timeless Raindrops. Under The Rocks Are The Words, And Some Of The Words Are Theirs. I Am Haunted By Waters.

I Sat There And Forgot And Forgot, Until What Remained Was The River That Went By And I Who Watched. On The River The Heat Mirages Danced With Each Other And Then They Danced Through Each Other And Then They Joined Hands And Danced Around Each Other. Eventually The Water Joined The River, And There Was Only One Of Us. I Believe It Was The River.

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