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The Endless, Agonizing Recycling Of What Might Have Been, Soon Followed By A Litany Of Rationalizations And Self-deceptions As You Struggle To Reconcile The Void Between The Person You Want To Be And The Person You Fear You Are.

-Jon Krakauer

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The Endless, Agonizing Recycling

Jon Krakauer

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The Endless, Agonizing Recycling Of What Might Have Been, Soon Followed By A Litany Of Rationalizations And Self-deceptions As You Struggle To Reconcile The Void Between The Person You Want To Be And The Person You Fear You Are.

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You Are Wrong If You Think Joy Emanates Only Or Principally From Human Relationships. God Has Placed It All Around Us. It Is In Everything And Anything We Might Experience. We Just Have To Have The Courage To Turn Against Our Habitual Lifestyle And Engage In Unconventional Living.

When Alex Left For Alaska," Franz Remembers, "i Prayed. I Asked God To Keep His Finger On The Shoulder Of That One; I Told Him That Boy Was Special. But He Let Alex Die. So On December 26, When I Learned What Happened, I Renounced The Lord. I Withdrew My Church Membership And Became An Atheist. I Decided I Couldn't Believe In A God Who Would Let Something That Terrible Happen To A Boy Like Alex.

Don't Settle Down And Sit In One Place. Move Around, Be Nomadic, Make Each Day A New Horizon.

I Understood What He Was Doing, That He Had Spent Four Years Fulfilling The Absurd And Tedious Duty Of Graduating From College And Now He Was Emancipated From That World Of Abstraction, False Security, Parents, And Material Excess.

If You Don't Take It, I'm Going To Throw It Away," Alex Cheerfully Retorted. "i Don't Want To Know What Time It Is. I Don't Want To Know What Day It Is Or Where I Am. None Of That Matters.

Happiness Is Only Real When Shared

Passion Is What Makes Life Interesting, What Ignites Our Soul, Drives Our Curiosity, Fuels Our Love And Carries Our Friendship, Stimulates Our Intellect, And Pushes Our Limit.... A Passion For Life Is Contagious And Uplifting. Passion Cuts Both Ways.... Those That Make You Feel On Top Of The World Are Equally Able To Turnit Upside Down.

Mr. Franz, I Think Careers Are A 20th Century Invention And I Don't Want One.

This Forms The Nub Of A Dilemna That Every Everest Climber Eventually Comes Up Against: In Order To Succeed You Must Be Exceedingly Driven, But If You're Too Driven You're Likely To Die.

If You're Not A Feminist, You're Part Of The Problem.

...books Possess An Ounce-of-weight To Minute-of-entertainment Ratio That Compares Quite Favorably To Intoxicants.

At That Stage Of My Youth, Death Remained As Abstract A Concept As Non-euclidean Geometry Or Marriage. I Didn't Yet Appreciate Its Terrible Finality Or The Havoc It Could Wreak On Those Who'd Entrusted The Deceased With Their Hearts.

Chris Would Use The Spiritual Aspect To Try To Motivate Us. "he'd Tell Us To Think About All The Evil In The World, All The Hatred, And Imagine Ourselves Running Against The Forces Of Darkness, The Evil Wall That Was Trying To Keep Us From Running Our Best. He Believed That Doing Well Was All Mental, A Simple Matter Of Harnessing Whatever Energy Was Available.

But [everett] And Mccandless, At Least They Tried To Follow Their Dream. That’s What Was Great About Them. They Tried. Not Many Do.

Having Stumbled Upon A Tolerable Career, For The First Time In My Life I Was Actually Living Above The Poverty Line. My Hunger To Climb Had Been Blunted, In Short, By A Bunch Of Small Satisfactions That Added Up To Something Like Happiness.

<...> Though He Found That If You Are Stupid Enough To Bury A Camera Underground You Won't Be Taking Many Pictures With It Afterwards. Thus The Story Has No Picture Book For The Period May 10, 1991 - January 7, 1992. But This Is Not Important. It Is The Experiences, The Memories, The Great Triumphant Joy Of Living To The Fullest Extent In Which Real Meaning Is Found. God It's Great To Be Alive! Thank You. Thank You.

The Sea's Only Gifts Are Harsh Blows, And Occasionally The Chance To Feel Strong. Now I Don't Know Much About The Sea, But I Do Know That That's The Way It Is Here. And I Also Know How Important It Is In Life Not Necessarily To Be Strong But To Feel Strong. To Measure Yourself At Least Once. To Find Yourself At Least Once In The Most Ancient Of Human Conditions. Facing The Blind Death Stone Alone, With Nothing To Help You But Your Hands And Your Own Head.

When I Start Any Book, I Have No Idea What I'm Going To Do.

Sometimes My Need To Love Hurts-- Myself, My Family, My Cause. Is There A Cure? Of Course. But I Refuse. Refuse To Stop Loving, To Stop Caring. To Avoid Those Tears, That Pain...to Err On The Side Of Passion Is Human And Right And The Only Way I'll Live.

Achieving The Summit Of A Mountain Was Tangible, Immutable, Concrete. The Incumbent Hazards Lent The Activity A Seriousness Of Purpose That Was Sorely Missing From The Rest Of My Life. I Thrilled In The Fresh Perspective That Came From The Tipping The Ordinary Plane Of Existence On End.

It Was Titillating To Brush Up Against The Enigma Of Mortality, To Steal A Glimpse Across Its Forbidden Frontier. Climbing Was A Magnificient Activity, I Firmly Believed, Not In Spite Of The Inherent Perils, But Precisely Because Of Them.

Short Form Media Is Reductionist By Nature.

I Think I Understand That Religious Faith Which Makes The Holy Brave And Strong; My Strength Is Just Somewhere Else--it's In Myself...i Do Not Fear What May Await Me, Though I'm Equally Confident That Nothing Awaits.

Mr. Franz, I Think Careers Are A 20th Century Invention And I Don't Want One. You Don’t Need To Worry About Me; I Have A College Education. I’m Not Destitute. I'm Living Like This By Choice.

The Endless, Agonizing Recycling Of What Might Have Been, Soon Followed By A Litany Of Rationalizations And Self-deceptions As You Struggle To Reconcile The Void Between The Person You Want To Be And The Person You Fear You Are.

I Mean, How Can You Not Be A Feminist If You Have A Brain In Your Head? If You’re Not A Feminist, Then You’re A Problem.

The Trip Was To Be An Odyssey In The Fullest Sense Of The Word, An Epic Journey That Would Change Everything.

It Is True That I Miss Intelligent Companionship, But There Are So Few With Whom I Can Share The Things That Mean So Much To Me That I Have Learned To Contain Myself. It Is Enough That I Am Surrounded With Beauty.

But Perhaps The Greatest Attraction Of Mormonism Was The Promise That Each Follower Would Be Granted An Extraordinarily Intimate Relationship With God. Joseph Taught And Encouraged His Adherents To Receive Personal Communiqués Straight From The Lord. Divine Revelation Formed The Bedrock Of The Religion.

Intimate Relationships

Intimate Relationship With God

The Desert Sharpened The Sweet Ache Of His Longing, Amplified It, Gave Shape To It In Sere Geology And Clean Slant Of Light.

If You're Bumming Out, You're Not Gonna Get To The Top, So As Long As We're Up Here We Might As Well Make A Point Of Grooving. (quoting Scott Fischer)

The Thing That Is Most Beautiful About Antarctica For Me Is The Light. It's Like No Other Light On Earth, Because The Air Is So Free Of Impurities. You Get Drugged By It, Like When You Listen To One Of Your Favorite Songs. The Light There Is A Mood-enhancing Substance.

Although The Far Territory Of The Extreme Can Exert An Intoxicating Pull On Susceptible Individuals Of All Bents, Extremism Seems To Be Especially Prevalent Among Those Inclined By Temperament Or Upbringing Toward Religious Pursuits. Faith Is The Very Antithesis Of Reason, Injudiciousness A Crucial Component Of Spiritual Devotion. And When Religious Fanaticism Supplants Ratiocination, All Bets Are Suddenly Off.

I Never Studied Writing, But I'd Always Been A Reader And Had A Secret Fantasy About Being A Writer.

Everest Has Always Been A Magnet For Kooks, Publicity Seekers, Hopeless Romantics And Others With A Shaky Hold On Reality.

Hopeless Romantic

Military Investigations Are Designed Not To Find Anyone Guilty.

He Needed His Solitude At Times, But He Wasn't A Hermit. He Did A Lot Of Socializing. Sometimes I Think It Was Like He Was Storing Up Company For The Times When He Knew Nobody Would Be Around.

Don't Settle Down And Sit In One Place. Move Around, Be Nomadic, Make Each Day A New Horizon. You Are Still Going To Live A Long Timeand It Would Be A Shame If You Did Not Take The Opportunity To Revolutionize Your Life And Move Into An Entirely New Realm Of Experience.my Point Is That You Do Not Need Me Or Anyone Elsethe Only Person You Are Fighting Is Yourself And Your Stubbornness

But Somethings In Life Are More Important Than Being Happy. Like Being Free To Think For Yourself.

According To The Moral Absolutism That Characterizes Mccandless's Beliefs, A Challenge In Which A Successful Outcome Is Assured Isn't A Challenge At All.

Moral Absolutism

I'm Going To Paraphrase Thoreau Here... Rather Than Love, Than Money, Than Faith, Than Fame, Than Fairness... Give Me Truth.

It Is Easy, When You Are Young, To Believe That What You Desire Is No Less Than What You Deserve, To Assume That If You Want Something Badly Enough, It Is Your God-given Right To Have It.

At Long Last He Was Unencumbered, Emancipated From The Stifling World Of His Parents And Peers, A World Of Abstraction And Security And Material Excess, A World In Which He Felt Grievously Cut Off From The Raw Throb Of Existence.

I Thought Climbing The Devil's Thumb Would Fix All That Was Wrong With My Life. In The End, Of Course, It Changed Almost Nothing. But I Came To Appreciate That Mountains Make Poor Receptacles For Dreams.

He Was Unheeded, Happy, And Near To The Wild Heart Of Life. He Was Alone And Young And Wilful And Wildhearted, Alone Amid A Waste Of Wild Air And Brackish Waters And The Seaharvest Of Shells And Tangle And Veiled Grey Sunlight.

Children Can Be Harsh Judges When It Comes To Their Parents, Disinclined To Grant Clemency.

Almost Every Magazine Piece I've Ever Written, I Felt Like I Haven't Done It Justice, Like It Was Just A Gloss.

As A Means Of Motivating People To Be Cruel Or Inhumane-as A Means Of Inciting Evil, To Borrow The Vocabulary Of The Devout-there May Be No More Potent Force Than Religion.

I Don't Know What God Is, Or What God Had In Mind When The Universe Was Set In Motion. In Fact, I Don't Know If God Even Exists, Although I Confess That I Sometimes Find Myself Praying In Times Of Great Fear, Or Despair, Or Astonishment At A Display Of Unexpected Beauty.

He Read A Lot. He Used A Lot Of Big Words. I Think Maybe Part Of What Got Him Into Trouble Was That He Did Too Much Thinking. Sometimes He Tried Too Hard To Make Sense Of The World, To Figure Out Why People Were Bad To Each Other So Often. A Couple Of Times I Tried To Tell Him It Was A Mistake To Get Too Deep Into That Kind Of Stuff, But Alex Got Stuck On Things. He Always Had To Know The Absolute Right Answer Before He Could Go On To The Next Thing.

Now What Is History? It Is The Centuries Of Systematic Explorations Of The Riddle Of Death, With A View To Overcoming Death. That's Why People Discover Mathematical Infinity And Electromagnetic Waves, That's Why They Write Symphonies.

When A Young Person Is Moved By A Passion And Feels Compelled To Go On This Sort Of Quest, I Think You Have To Let Him. You Can't Stop Him. In Our Culture We Don't Have Formal Rights Of Passage Like In Some Ancient Cultures. Subjecting Yourself To Risk... May Be Something You Have To Go Through To Be A Man Or A Woman.

I Love Being Outdoors, Being In The Mountains And The Desert, And My Wife Enjoys That Too. That's One Of The Things That Sustain Our Relationship.

Those Who Would Assail The Book Of Mormon Should Bear In Mind That Its Veracity Is No More Dubious Than The Veracity Of The Bible, Say, Or The Qur'an, Or The Sacred Texts Of Most Other Religions. The Latter Texts Simply Enjoy The Considerable Advantage Of Having Made Their Public Debut In The Shadowy Recesses Of The Ancient Past, And Are Thus Much Harder To Refute.

The Sad End He Met In Afghanistan Was More Accurately A Function Of His Stubborn Idealism - His Insistence On Trying To Do The Right Thing. In Which Case It Wasn't A Tragic Flaw That Brought Tillman Down, But A Tragic Virtue.

Its Not Always Necessary To Be Strong, But To Feel Strong.

Hours Slide By Like Minutes. The Accumulated Clutter Of Day-to-day Existence — The Lapses Of Conscience, The Unpaid Bills, The Bungled Opportunities, The Dust Under The Couch, The Inescapable Prison Of Your Genes — All Of It Is Temporarily Forgotten, Crowded From Your Thoughts By An Overpowering Clarity Of Purpose And By The Seriousness Of The Task At Hand.

I Think Part Of The Appeal Of Antarctica Is Experiencing Some Sort Of Power, The Forces Of The Natural World.

To The Contrary: His Life Hummed With Meaning And Purpose. But The Meaning He Wrested From Existence Lay Beyond The Comfortable Path: Mccandless Distrusted The Value Of Things That Came Easily.

Meaning Of Life

Once You Believe That God Is Speaking Directly To You, There Is No Discussion.

Sometimes He Tried Too Hard To Make Sense Of The World, To Figure Out Why People Were Bad To Each Other So Often.

Antarctica Is A Very Alien Environment, And You Can't Survive Here More Than Minutes If You're Not Equipped Properly And Doing The Right Thing All The Time.

My Reasoning, If One Can Call It That, Was Inflamed By The Scatter Shot Passions Of Youth And A Literary Diet Overly Rich In The Works Of Nietzshe, Kerouac, And John Menlove Edwards.

You Are Wrong If You Think Joy Emanates Only...from Human Relationships. God Has Placed It All Around Us...and All You Have To Do Is Reach For It.

Getting To The Top Of Any Given Mountain Was Considered Much Less Important Than How One Got There: Prestige Was Earned By Tackling The Most Unforgiving Routes With Minimal Equipment, In The Boldest Style Imaginable.

Above The Comforts Of Base Camp, The Expedition In Fact Became An Almost Calvinistic Undertaking. The Ratio Of Misery To Pleasure Was Greater By An Order Of Magnitude Than Any Mountain I'd Been On; I Quickly Came To Understand That Climbing Everest Was Primarily About Enduring Pain. And In Subjecting Ourselves To Week After Week Of Toil, Tedium And Suffering, It Struck Me That Most Of Us Were Probably Seeking Above All Else, Something Like A State Of Grace.

You Should Own Nothing Except What You Can Carry On Your Back At A Dead Run.

I'm Intrigued By Fanatics - People Who Are Seduced By The Promise, Or The Illusion, Of The Absolute.

It Is The Experiences, The Memories, The Great Triumphant Joy Of Living To The Fullest Extent In Which Real Meaning Is Found. God It's Great To Be Alive! Thank You. Thank You.

In Climbing, Having Confidence In Your Partners Is No Small Concern. One Climber's Actions Can Affect The Welfare Of The Entire Team.

Antarctica Has This Mythic Weight. It Resides In The Collective Unconscious Of So Many People, And It Makes This Huge Impact, Just Like Outer Space. It's Like Going To The Moon.

Collective Unconscious

Common Sense Is No Match For The Voice Of God.

Weeping...betraying A Sense Of Loss So Huge And Irreparable That The Mind Balks At Taking Its Measure.

When You Forgive, You Love. And When You Love, God’s Light Shines Through You.

Unlike Most Of Life, What You Do Really Matters. Your Actions Have Real Consequences. You Have To Pay Attention And Focus, And That's Very Satisfying. It Forces You To Pay Great Attention And You Lose Yourself In The Task At Hand. Without The Risk, That Wouldn't Happen, So The Risk Is An Essential Part Of Climbing, And That's Hard For Some People To Grasp. You Can't Justify The Risk When Things Go Wrong And People Die. The Greater The Risk, The Greater The Reward In Most Aspects Of Life, And In Climbing That's Certainly True, Too. It's Very Physical, You Use Your Mind And Your Body.

Heaven, For Me, Is One Focused Project - It's Like A Weird Form Of Autism.

The Only Person You Are Fighting Is Yourself And Your Stubbornness To Engage In New Circumstances.

The Core Of Mans' Spirit Comes From New Experiences.

New Experiences

Critical Spirit

Mountains Make Poor Receptacles For Dreams.

An Extended Stay In The Wilderness Inevitably Directs One's Attention Outward As Much As Inward, And It Is Impossible To Live Off The Land Without Developing Both A Subtle Understanding Of, And A Strong Emotional Bond With, That Land And All It Holds.

There Is Something Special About A Quiet Untouched Forest That Just Pulls You Into The Moment. Something That No Parks Will Ever Be Able To Achieve. Isn't That What We're All Searching For In Life? To Just Be Happy And Content In The Moment, To Just Be There In The "now"?

If You Want A Blank Spot On The Map, You Gotta Leave The Map Behind.

There Is Nothing Glamorous Or Romantic About War. It's Mostly About Random Pointless Death And Misery.

And If I Remain In The Dark About Our Purpose Here, And The Meaning Of Eternity, I Have Nevertheless Arrived At An Understanding Of A Few More Modest Truths: Most Of Us Fear Death. Most Of Us Yearn To Comprehend How We Got Here, And Why-- Which Is To Say, Most Of Us Ache To Know The Love Of Our Creator. And We Will No Doubt Feel That Ache, Most Of Us, For As Long As We Happen To Be Alive.

Most Climbers Aren't In Fact Deranged, They're Just Infected With A Particularly Virulent Strain Of The Human Condition.

Human Condition

Some People Feel Like They Don't Deserve Love. They Walk Away Quietly Into Empty Spaces, Trying To Close The Gaps Of The Past.

That's What Was Great About Him. He Tried. Not Many Do.

I Read Somewhere... How Important It Is In Life Not Necessarily To Be Strong, But To Feel Strong... To Measure Yourself At Least Once.

I Was Dimly Aware That I Might Be Getting In Over My Head. But That Only Added To The Scheme’s Appeal. That It Wouldn’t Be Easy Was The Whole Point.

But Now That I Was Finally Here, Standing On The Summit Of Mount Everest, I Just Couldn't Summon The Energy To Care.

What If I Were Smiling And Running Into Your Arms? Would You See Then What I See Now?

Straddling The Top Of The World, One Foot In China And The Other In Nepal, I Cleared The Ice From My Oxygen Mask, Hunched A Shoulder Against The Wind, And Stared Absently Down At The Vastness Of Tibet.

Alaska Has Long Been A Magnet For Dreamers And Misfits, People Who Think The Unsullied Enormity Of The Last Frontier Will Patch All The Holes In Their Loves. The Bush Is An Unforgiving Place, However, That Care Nothing For Hope Or Longing.

Early On A Difficult Climb, Especially A Solo Climb, You’re Hyper-aware Of The Abyss Pulling At Your Back, Constantly Feeling Its Call, Its Immense Hunger. To Resist Takes Tremendous Conscious Effort, You Don’t Dare Let Your Guard Down For An Instant. The Void Puts You On Edge, Makes Your Movements Tentative And Clumsy. But As The Climb Continues, You Grow Accustomed To The Exposure, You Get Used To Rubbing Shoulders With Doom, You Come To Believe In The Reliability Of Your Hands And Feet And Head. You Learn To Trust Your Self-control.

The Long Walk Is A Raw, Wrenching, Blood-soaked Chronicle Of The Human Cost Of War. Brian Castner, The Leader Of A Military Bomb Disposal Team, Recounts His Deployment To Iraq With Unflinching Candor, And In The Process Exposes Crucial Truths Not Only About This Particular Conflict, But Also About War Throughout History. Castner's Memoir Brings To Mind Erich Maria Remarque's Masterpiece, All Quiet On The Western Front.

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