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Once You Get To The Enlightenment, The Way That Powers Get To Be Hyperpowers Isn't Just By Conquest. It's Through Commerce And Innovation. Societies Like The Dutch Republic And The United States Used Tolerance To Become A Magnet For Enterprising Immigrants.

-Amy Chua

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Once You Get To

Amy Chua

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Once You Get To The Enlightenment, The Way That Powers Get To Be Hyperpowers Isn't Just By Conquest. It's Through Commerce And Innovation. Societies Like The Dutch Republic And The United States Used Tolerance To Become A Magnet For Enterprising Immigrants.

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I Say 'i Love You' To My Daughters Every Day.

When My Kids Wanted To Give Up On Things, I Wouldn't Let Them, And Those Are Lifelong Lessons.

Real Self-esteem Has To Be Earned. I Also Believe In Virtuous Circles, Like, Nothing Is Fun Until You Are Good At It. It Is Great If You Can Instill In Children The Ability To Not Give Up, To Have A Work Ethic.

Questioning Authority Is, I Think, A Great Thing To Instill In Children. I Just Didn't Have Enough Of That When I Was Little.

I'm A Slave To My Dogs And Go Out With Them Almost Every Day. They Are Poorly Behaved If They Don't Run. They Really Act Up.

Instilling A Sense Of Self-discipline And Focus When The Kids Are Younger Makes It So Much Easier By The Time They Get Into High School.

I See My Upbringing As A Great Success Story. By Disciplining Me, My Parents Inculcated Self-discipline. And By Restricting My Choices As A Child, They Gave Me So Many Choices In My Life As An Adult. Because Of What They Did Then, I Get To Do The Work I Love Now.

I'm A Proud Strict Mom And, You Know, I'm Really Proud Of The Two Daughters I've Raised. And I'm Especially Proud Of My Relationship With Them. We're Very Close. I Think We're Good Friends.

Every Day That You Don't Practice Is A Day You're Getting Worse.

Everything I've Ever Done That's Valuable Is Something I Was Afraid To Try.

Nothing Is Fun Until You're Good At It.

There Are All These New Books Out There Portraying Asian Mothers As Scheming, Callous, Overdriven People Indifferent To Their Kids' True Interests. For Their Part, Many Chinese Secretly Believe That They Care More About Their Children And Are Willing To Sacrifice Much More For Them Than Westerners, Who Seem Perfectly Content To Let Their Children Turn Out Badly. I Think It's A Misunderstanding On Both Sides. All Decent Parents Want To Do What's Best For Their Children. The Chinese Just Have A Totally Different Idea Of How To Do That.

The Chinese Model Calls For Giving Your Kids Very Little Choice - And I've Come To See That You Can Go Too Far With That. On The Other Hand, I Also Believe That Western Parents Sometimes Give Their Young Kids Too Much Choice.

Western Parents Try To Respect Their Children’s Individuality, Encouraging Them To Pursue Their True Passions, Supporting Their Choices, And Providing Positive Reinforcement And A Nurturing Environment. By Contrast, The Chinese Believe That The Best Way To Protect Their Children Is By Preparing Them For The Future, Letting Them See What They’re Capable Of, And Arming Them With Skills, Work Habits, And Inner Confidence That No One Can Ever Take Away.

As A Purely Mathematical Fact, People Who Sleep Less Live More.

I Sort Of Feel Like People Are Not That Honest About Their Own Parenting. Take Any Teenage Household; Tell Me There Is Not Yelling And Conflict.

Chinese Parents Believe That Their Kids Owe Them Everything.

I Worry That By Losing My Temper So Much And Being So Harsh And Yelling So Much That, By Example, I Will Have Taught My Daughters To Be That Way, And I'm Now Constantly Telling Them Not To Do That.

What Chinese Parents Understand Is That Nothing Is Fun Until You're Good At It. Pg 29

Be Modest, Be Humble, Be Simple.make Sure You Come In First So That You Have Something To Be Humble About.

My Dogs Can't Do Anything--and What A Relief. I Don't Make Any Demands Of Them, And I Don't Try To Shape Them Or Their Future. For The Most Part, I Trust Them To Make The Right Choices For Themselves. I Always Look Forward To Seeing Them, And I Love Just Watching Them Sleep. What A Great Relationship.

The Fact Is That Chinese Parents Can Do Things That Would Seem Unimaginable-even Legally Actionable-to Westerners. Chinese Mothers Can Say To Their Daughters, "hey Fatty-lose Some Weight." By Contrast, Western Parents Have To Tiptoe Around The Issue, Talking In Terms Of "health" And Never Ever Mentioning The F-word, And Their Kids Still End Up In Therapy For Eating Disorders And Negative Self Image.

My Youngest Sister, Cindy, Has Down Syndrome, And I Remember My Mother Spending Hours And Hours With Her, Teaching Her To Tie Her Shoelaces On Her Own, Drilling Multiplication Tables With Cindy, Practicing Piano Every Day With Her. No One Expected Cindy To Get A Ph.d.! But My Mom Wanted Her To Be The Best She Could Be, Within Her Limits.

My Goal As A Parent Is To Prepare You For The Future, Not To Make You Like Me.

Kids Raised To Be Pampered And Spoiled Don't Really End Up Being Good Leaders. Leaders Need To Be Independent Minded And Confident.

There's Something Suspicious About Saying, 'i'm Just Going To Leave My Child Alone And Let Her Pursue Her Passions.' You Know What? I Think Most 13-year-olds' Passion Is Sitting In Front Of The Tv, Or Doing Facebook, Or Surfing The Internet For Hours.

All Decent Parents Want To Do What's Best For Their Children. The Chinese Just Have A Totally Different Idea Of How To Do That.

The Truth Is I'm Not Good At Enjoying Life.

I Was Raised, Myself, By Extremely Strict But Also Extremely Loving Chinese Immigrant Parents. To This Day, I Believe That Their Having High Expectations For Me, Coupled With Love, Was The Greatest Gift That Anyone's Ever Given Me. And So That's Why, Even Though My Husband Is Not Chinese, I Try To Raise My Own Two Daughters The Same Way.

A Lot Of Parents Today Are Terrified That Something They Say To Their Children Might Make Them 'feel Bad.' But, Hey, If They've Done Something Wrong, They Should Feel Bad. Kids With A Sense Of Responsibility, Not Entitlement, Who Know When To Experience Gratitude And Humility, Will Be Better At Navigating The Social Shoals Of College.

Genghis Khan Decreed Religious Tolerance For All Of His Conquered Peoples. So I Think He Definitely Would Approve Of Our Constitutional Protections Of Freedom Of Religion. I Think He Would Also Approve Of The Way The U.s. Has Been Able To Attract Talented People From All Over The World.

Once You Get To The Enlightenment, The Way That Powers Get To Be Hyperpowers Isn't Just By Conquest. It's Through Commerce And Innovation. Societies Like The Dutch Republic And The United States Used Tolerance To Become A Magnet For Enterprising Immigrants.

When I'm Not The Tiger Mom, I'm A Professor At Yale Law School, And If One Thing Is Clear To Me From Years Of Teaching, It's That There Are Many Ways To Produce Fabulous Kids. I Have Amazing Students; Some Of Them Have Strict Parents, Others Have Lenient Parents, And Many Come From Family Situations That Defy Easy Description.

I Do Play Tennis, But I Don't Really Like Competition. I'm Supposed To Be So Intense, But I Hate Competition.

To Be Honest, I Know That A Lot Of Asian Parents Are Secretly Shocked And Horrified By Many Aspects Of Western Parenting.

I Think If You're A 'tiger Parent' Early On, You Don't Need To Be A 'helicopter Parent' In High School.

Do You Know What A Foreign Accent Is? It's A Sign Of Bravery.

You Can't Invent Google, Facebook Or The Ipod Unless You've Mastered The Basics, Are Willing To Put In Long Hours And Can Pick Yourself Up From The Floor When Life Knocks You Down The First 10 Times.

Life Knocks You Down

I Once Won A Second Prize In A History Concert. My Parents Came To The Ceremony. Somebody Else Had Won The Prize For Best All-around Student. Afterwards My Father Said To Me, 'never, Ever Disgrace Me Like That Again.' When I Tell My Western Friends, They Are Aghast. But I Adore My Father. It Didn't Knock My Self-esteem At All.

Never Complain Or Make Excuses. If Something Seems Unfair, Just Prove Yourself By Working Twice As Hard And Being Twice As Good.

China Is Doing Lots Of Things Right. It's Investing In Education And R&d, It's Opening Up, It's More Cosmopolitan Than It's Ever Been. I Think It's Very Likely That China Will Continue To Explode Economically And Certainly Become A Superpower.

For My Senior Prom, My Father Finally Said I Could Go - As Long As I Was Home By 9pm! That Was Around The Time That Most People Were Heading Out. When I Was Little I Was So Mad At Them All The Time. Why Can't I Do This? Why Are There So Many Rules? But Looking Back Now, My Parents Gave Me The Foundation To Have So Many Choices In Life.

A Western Upbringing Tends To Stress Questioning Authority, Which Is Always Asking Why, Why, Why.

But Just Because You Love Something, I Added To Myself, Doesn't Mean You'll Ever Be Great. Not If You Don't Work. Most People Stink At The Things They Love.

Both Of My Girls Have Very High Self-esteem Because They Were Both Able To Master Certain Things; I Should Think That's Good For Their Confidence.

I Think The Biggest Difference Is That I've Noticed Western Parents Seem Much More Concerned About Their Children's Psyches, Their Self-esteem, Whereas Tough Immigrant Parents Assume Strength Rather Than Fragility In Their Children And Therefore Behave Completely Differently.

There Are All Kinds Of Psychological Disorders In The West That Don't Exist In Asia.

Psychological Disorders

Tenacious Practice, Practice, Practice Is Crucial For Excellence; Rote Repetition Is Underrated In America.

Everything I Do As A Mother Builds On A Foundation Of Love And Compassion.

I Do Think That Maybe, Even Subconsciously, A Lot Of Parents In The West Are Wondering, Have We Gone Too Far In The Direction Of Coddling And Protecting - You Know, You See Kids, Sometimes That Seem Very Rude And Disrespectful. And The More Important Thing Is They Don't Seem That Happy.

I'm Suggesting That, Ironically, The Secret To Becoming A World 'hyperpower' Is Tolerance. If You Look At History, You See Great Powers Being Very Tolerant In Their Rise To Global Dominance.

Some Parents Let Their Kids Sleep At Other People's Houses, Where They Drink Alcohol, Watch Tv For Hours And God Knows What Else. But If You Say You Have To Get All A's And Practice The Violin For Two Hours, Then They Consider That Abusive. That Upsets Me.

Western Parents Worry A Lot About Their Children's Self-esteem. But As A Parent, One Of The Worst Things You Can Do For Your Child's Self-esteem Is To Let Them Give Up. On The Flip Side, There's Nothing Better For Building Confidence Than Learning You Can Do Something You Thought You Couldn't.

I Kind Of - I Like My Life, I Feel I Have Lots Of Opportunities. And My Parents Actually Having Had Such High Expectations For Me - I Would Say It's The Greatest Gift That Anyone Has Ever Given Me. I Complained A Lot When I Was Little, But That's How I Feel Now. And That's Why I Tried To Do The Same With My Two Daughters.

When I Was Little, My Parents Really Only Wanted Me To Be A Scientist Or A Doctor; They Had Never Even Heard Of Law School. I Think Even These Days If You Were To Tell Your Mother You Want To Be A Fashion Designer, Or An Artist Or A Writer, A Lot Of Asian Parents Would Be Alarmed Because They Don't Think That's A Secure Career.

Parenting Is The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done. I Tried To Find The Balance Between The Strict, Traditional Chinese Way I Was Raised, Which I Think Can Be Too Harsh, And What I See As A Tendency In The West To Be Too Permissive And Indulgent. If I Could Do It All Again, I Would, With Some Adjustments.

The Chinese Mom Is Not The Helicopter Mom. I Would Never Do Their Homework For Them. It's All About: Take Responsibility, Don't Blame Others. Be Self-reliant. Never Blame The Teacher.

The Romans Thought Of Themselves As The Chosen People, Yet They Built The Greatest Army On Earth By Recruiting Warriors From Any Background.

I Am Definitely A Type A Personality, Always Rushing Around, Trying To Do Too Much, Not Good At Just Lying On The Beach. But I'm So Thankful For Everything I Have: Wonderfully Supportive Parents And Sisters, The Best Husband In The World, Terrific Students I Love Teaching And Hanging Out With, And Above All, My Two Amazing Daughters.

You Know, Parenting Is So Personal. And We're All Afraid That We Didn't Quite Get It Right. And It Feels Like The Stakes Are So High. By We - What If We Made A Mistake?

We All Want To Do The Right Thing For Our Children. We All Don't Know What That Is And We All - You Know, You Won't Know Until The Future.

Most Things Are Difficult At The Beginning And They Become Fun, Something You Love, Only After You've Worked At Them.

Something You Love

Happiness Is Not Always Through Success. Equally, The Constant Pursuit Of Success Is Sure Unhappiness. But We Have To Find The Balance. My Own Thoughts Are That Parenting Is Very Personal. And We All Feel Enormous Insecurity About Parenting. What Are They Going To Think Of Us 20 Years Down The Line?

Unlike Western Parents, Reminding My Child Of Lord Voldemort Didn't Bother Me.

Oddly Enough, I'm Not A Particularly Judgmental Person. I Just Don't Have A Lot Of Filtering When I'm In 'tiger Mother' Mode. I Say What Comes Into My Head.

There's Nothing Better For Building Confidence Than Learning You Can Do Something You Thought You Couldn't.

Can Do Something

I Do Believe That When Your Child Does Poorly On A Test, Your First Step Should Not Necessarily Be To Attack The Teacher Or The School's Curriculum. It Should Be To Look At The Idea That, Maybe, The Child Didn't Work Hard Enough.

Be Modest, Be Humble, Be Simple.

Parenting Cannot Just Be One Size Fits All.

Westerners Often Laud Their Children As 'talented' Or 'gifted', While Asian Parents Highlight The Importance Of Hard Work. And In Fact, Research Performed By Stanford Psychologist Carol Dweck Has Found That The Way Parents Offer Approval Affects The Way Children Perform, Even The Way They Feel About Themselves.

Don't Assume Your Child Is Weak. If You, The Parent, Assume That They Can't Take Anymore, What Kind Of Signal Are You Sending Them?

I Think There Are Many Ways To Raise Great Kids. From What I Can Tell, Ayelet Waldman's Kids Are Interesting, Strong, And Happy, And If That's The Case, That's Good Parenting.

Tiger Parenting Is All About Raising Independent, Creative, Courageous Kids. In America Today, There's A Dangerous Tendency To Romanticize Creativity In A Way That May Undermine It.

The Most Successful Hyperpowers Are The Ones Where There Was Actual Intermixing. Tang Dynasty China Was Chinas Golden Age, And Contrary To What I Was Told When I Was Growing Up, Tang China Was Founded By A Man Who By Todays Standards Was No More Than Half Chinese. It Was A Mixed-blood Dynasty That Pulled In "barbarians" From The Steppe.

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