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It's Hard To Find Peace With Your Thighs, But When They Chafe, Try To Be Grateful For Them. Your Thighs Let You Run And Get You Where You Want To Go. I Have Not Just Thigh Peace But Thigh Happiness, And It Begins With Thigh Gratitude.

-Margaret Cho

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It's Hard To Find

Margaret Cho

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It's Hard To Find Peace With Your Thighs, But When They Chafe, Try To Be Grateful For Them. Your Thighs Let You Run And Get You Where You Want To Go. I Have Not Just Thigh Peace But Thigh Happiness, And It Begins With Thigh Gratitude.

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Being Called Ugly And Fat And Disgusting To Look At From The Time I Could Barely Understand What The Words Meant Has Scarred Me So Deep Inside That I Have Learned To Hunt, Stalk, Claim, Own And Defend My Own Loveliness.

I Am So Beautiful, Sometimes People Weep When They See Me. And It Has Nothing To Do With What I Look Like Really, It Is Just That I Gave Myself The Power To Say That I Am Beautiful, And If I Could Do That, Maybe There Is Hope For Them Too. And The Great Divide Between The Beautiful And The Ugly Will Cease To Be. Because We Are All What We Choose.

What Happened In The 80's Was That All The Men Died Of Aids. That Was A Particularly Depressing Time Because So Many People Passed Away And It Was A Very Desperate And Lonely Time, So I Think A Lot Of People Felt That We Were Somehow, Unreceived. Not Only By The Disease But Also By The Public Image Of The Disease. It Really Gave Homophobia A Real Shot In The Arm And Changed The Way People Viewed Gays, Queers. It Became An Entirely Different Atmosphere.

I Was Crazy About The Song "doot Doot," So I Usually Love This Genre Of Weird, European Electronic.

Your Goal Is To Write That Masterpiece. Yello's Masterpiece Was "oh Yeah." Whatever I Say About The Song Doesn't Matter, Because It Has A Huge Impact On How We Remember The Era.

Comedy Is A Noble Art.

I Definitely Support Free Speech.

Korean Children Get A Lot Of Fuss Made Over Them, I Guess Because Life Was Tough In The Old Country, And It Was A Big Deal If You Survived. There's A Big Party Thrown When You Are 100 Days Old, Followed By Another When You Make It To One Whole Year.

Interventions Are Really Emotionally Exhausting And I Would Never Ever Want To Have One. In The Same Way, I Would Never Want To Have A Surprise Birthday Party. That Would Be Horrible.

I Started [performing] So Young That It Might Have Just Been That I Kind Of Had To Grow Up And Make People Understand That I Was Worth Listening To, Even Though I Was A Child.

To Be A Feminist Is To Be Alive.

[fur] Is Really Ridiculous. It's Outrageous. We're Not Living In Igloos. We Don't Need To Trade Pelts Anymore. There Is This Diabolical Idea That Fur Is Fashionable. It's Not. It's Death. There's No Excuse For It.

I'm Super-obsessed With 'intervention.' I Wrote A Song About It.

I Have Learned To Love That Which Is Meant To Harm Me, So That I Can Stand In The Way Of Those Who Are Less Strong. I Can Take The Bullets For Those Who Aren't Able To.

I Could Never Make A Joke About Somebody Unless I Could Say It To Their Face And They'd Laugh.

I Don't Want To Bring Myself Down To Place Where There Are Hard And Fast Rules. In General I Try To Be Compassionate, But That Is Dependent On The Moment Ultimately.

It's Not The Best Between My Family And Me. There Are So Many Crimes Left Unpunished, Debts Unpaid, White Elephants In The Middle Of The Room That No One Will Even Offer A Peanut To. We Are In The Red, Emotionally Speaking.

I Don't Have Children, And I Am Not Sure If I Have Wanted Them Or Never Wanted Them. It's Weird Not To Be Able To Decide. I Don't Know If I Could Stand That Kind Of Commitment, Or If I Am Really Honest, I Don't Think That I Could Handle Being That Vulnerable To Someone Else.

I Don't Like To Criticize Music And I Had A Really Hard Time Picking Out The Song I Hate For This Because I End Up Seeing And Working With Musicians All The Time.

I Always Felt Like An Outsider Growing Up. In School, I Felt Like I Never Fit In. But It Didn't Help When My Mother, Instead Of Buying Me Glue For School Projects, Would Tell Me To Just Use Rice.

I Don't Like Catchphrases Either. A Current One Would Be, "bye, Felicia." It's Used So Much That We Don't Even Know The Origin Anymore.

When It Comes To Children, My Mom Doesn't Believe In Borders. She Loves All Children, And That's A Good Example Of Mothering The World. I Need To Do That, But Before I Can, I Need To Get Over My Fear Of Kids In The First Place.

One Of My First Jobs Was On A Lesbian Cruise. I Was The Ship Comedian For The Lesbian Love Boat.

George Bush Isn't Hitler. He Could Be If He Applied Himself.

I Can't Drag Myself Away From 'final Cut Pro.' It Is A Digital Video Editing System. I Am Obsessed With It, But I Am Always Away From Home, And I Can't Use It.

I Love Heavily Tattooed Women. I Imagine Their Lives Are Filled With Sensuality And Excess, Madness And Generosity, Impulsive Natures And Fights. They Look Like They Have Endured Much Pain And Sadness, Yet Have The Ability To Transcend All Of It By Documenting It On The Body

I Think The Best Way To Get Over Your Body Issues Is To Just Flaunt Your Body At Every Opportunity.

The First Thing You Lose On A Diet Is Brain Mass.

Inspirational Weight Loss

Sometimes The Only Way To Deal With Horrific Things In Life Is Through A Dark Sense Of Humor.

That's Part Of Being An Artist; You Have To Be That Sensitive.

Being An Artist

It's Important To Feel Beautiful; It's Political To Feel Beautiful.

I Think It Is Really Sad That When People Lose Their Homes They Kind Of Lose Their Minds Too.

It’s Like Your Batteries Get Low, And You Need To Charge Them On Someone Else’s Story.

If We Have The Opportunity To Be Generous With Our Hearts, Ourselves, We Have No Idea Of The Depth And Breadth Of Love's Reach.

I Have A Box Of Awards In The Closet. I Think It Is Weird To Put Them Out. I Might If I Had An Emmy Or Oscar, But I Don't.

If You Are A Woman, If You're A Person Of Color, If You Are Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, If You Are A Person Of Size, If You Are A Person Of Intelligence, If You Are A Person Of Integrity, Then You Are Considered A Minority In This World. And It's Going To Be Really Hard To Find Messages Of Self-love And Support Anywhere. Especially Women's And Gay Men's Culture. It's All About How You Have To Look A Certain Way, Or Else You're Worthless... For Us To Have Self-esteem Is Truly An Act Of Revolution, And Our Revolution Is Long Overdue.

It Was Hard For Me To Do The Show (all-american Girl) Because A Lot Of People Didn't Even Understand The Concept Of Asian-american. I Was On A Morning Show And The Host Said, "awright, Margaret, We're Changing Over To An Abc Affiliate! So Why Don't You Tell Our Viewers In Your Native Language That We're Making That Transition?" So I Looked At The Camera And Said, "um, They're Changing Over To An Abc Affiliate."

Native Language

I Have Permanent Damage To My Body Because I Wanted To Be Thin.

I Think Political Correctness Really Does Help Us When It Serves Us But It Doesn't Help Us When It Silences Us.

[smoking] Was A Comfort, An Occupation, A Drug, A Casual Habit, A Distraction, A Way To Not Eat, A Way To Not Pay Attention, A Way To Not Feel.

My Inclination During Sex Always Is To Use Sex Toys. That's Not Something Men Are Often Used To.

I Think Sex Is Really About The Self, And Really A Self-reflection.

Strange, There's So Much Religion In The World, But Only Enough To Make Us Fight Over Who Is Right, Not Enough To Make Us Love One Another.

I’m Not Playing The Race Card. I’m Playing The Rice Card.

I Punished Myself And Avoided My Reflection In Mirrors And Any Windows. I Would See Myself Reflected Back, And I Would Look Away, Trying To Pretend I Didn't Exist, Because I Hated Myself So Much.

I Urge You All Today, Especially Today During These Times Of Chaos And War, To Love Yourself Without Reservations And To Love Each Other Without Restraint. Unless You're Into Leather.

I Have A Song About How Much I Hate Emojis And The Lazy Thinking Of People Who Use Them. I Wish That More People Had Respect For The English Language.

I Think White People Like To Tell Asian People How They Should Feel About Race Because They're Too Scared To Tell Black People.

Comedy Is The Only Weapon I Have To Battle Totalitarianism.

I Voice My Opinions On Social Media And I Have People Threatening Me With Violence. It Is Troubling But I Can Fight Back, Which Is Good.

I Knew I Was Crazy Because I Was Watching Jesus Christ Superstar And The Part Where Jesus Carries The Cross Up The Mountain, I Actually Said To Myself, "wow! That Must Be A Really Good Workout! Yeah, Because You're Doing Arms And Cardio!"

I Don't Really Know What 'selling Out' Is Exactly. I Would Sell Out If I Could, But Nobody's Buying It. I Would Love To Go Mainstream, But My Comedy Is Too Edgy. It's Always Too Dirty. It's Always Too Filthy. I'm Dying To Sell Out. But I Love Doing Comedy, I Love Touring, And I Think I Would Do Everything For Free.

Usually, If You Smile At Them And Show Some Interest In The Toy, They Will Give It To You. That's A Straight Up Democrat Move!

Anger And Comedy Are Really Connected.

You Didn't Hear Yello Until Later In The Night In The Bondage Clubs. Things Would Start Getting Crazy And That's When You'd Hear Yello. It Was Bad.

Silence Equals Nonexistence. If I Don't Raise My Voice, It's Like I Never Existed.

I Got Back From Toronto, Where They Had A Severe Outbreak Of Sars - You Know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome.

I Don't Like Pot Anymore -- I Forget Why.

Maybe I Wanted To Hear It So Badly That My Ears Betrayed My Mind In Order To Secure My Heart.

Kim Kardashian Is A Kind Of Archetype. But She Owns Her Beauty And Is Tremendously Successful. There's No Tragedy, There's No Drug Story. There's Just Her And Her Fame And Her Beauty. But Anna Nicole Created That Template Of Somebody That You'd Want To Watch On Reality Tv. Somebody That You'd Want To Invite Into Your Home Or As A Role Model, In Terms Of Beauty And Lifestyle And Glamour.

I Love Singing And That's Kind Of My New Thing.

My Attitude Toward Peace Does Not Depend On Which War We Are Discussing. I Think That Words Should Do The Work Of Bombs.

Snooki Is Really Beautiful And Looks Quite Like Elizabeth Taylor In 'cleopatra.' She Has The Same Bone Structure. I'm Kind Of Obsessed With 'jersey Shore.' People Don't Give Them Enough Credit For How Entertaining They Are.

Try To Have A Good Day Today, Wherever You Are, Whatever You Do, Whoever Is Near, If No One Is Near. Try To Be Happy, Because You May Not See Tomorrow. There Is Someone This Morning, Who Didn't Wake Up, Who Will Never See This Day. Try To Feel Lucky That This Is Not You.

I Grew Up A Witness To Gay Politics In Its Early Days. I Remember Seeing Harvey Milk And Been Moved By Him.

As A Comedian You Are Making Yourself Vulnerable In Order To Make Others Happy.

Make Others Happy

I Had Been Taking Various Lessons. I've Also Had A Lot Of Incredible Singers Give Me A Ton Of Great Advice. From Cyndi Lauper, Who Kind Of Taught Me The Basics, And I've Also Worked With Bird. She's A Tremendous Coach And She Often Coaches The Contestants On 'american Idol.' I've Had A Great Amount Of Support.

The Incognito Of Lower Class Employment Is An Effective Cloak For Any Dagger One Might Wish To Hide.

Most Conservatives Also Believe In The Death Penalty, But Not Abortion, Which Proves They Like To Procrastinate.

Silence Is So Often Applauded And Those Who Speak Out Are Often Called Tasteless.

Comedy Was The Key To Everything. I Grew Up Fast And Controlled My Future By Bringing It On Faster Than It Naturally Unfolded. I Cheated Myself Out Of A Childhood But Then Got A Running Headstart Into Adulthood That No One Else Could Keep Up With.

Love Is The Big Booming Beat Which Covers Up The Noise Of Hate.

I'm Very Much A Stand-up Comedian In My Heart. That's Really What I Do. Now I'm Trying To Incorporate All Of The Different Elements Of My Work As A Performer, And Use It As A Stand-up Comedian.

As A Woman Of Color You Have Little More Permission To Go Deeper And Question Things Because Your Identity, In A Way, Is A Shield. But If You Come At It From A Minority Status, My Person, Who I Am, Softens The Blow Of Whatever It Is That I'm Saying, Because I Am That.

My Boyfriend And I Live Together, Which Means We Don't Have Sex - Ever. Now That The Milk Is Free, We've Both Become Lactose Intolerant.

I've Always Wanted To Have Tattoos. I Grew Up Around People Who Were Very Tattooed. It's A Self-expression Thing; It's Also Helped Me Claim My Body As My Own. So I Think It's Really Positive. It's Really Joyful.

I’m Not Going To Die Because I Failed As Someone Else. I’m Going To Succeed As Myself.

Funny Inspirational

I Have So Much Hate That It Has Turned Into Love.

You Don't Become A Republican Until You Lose All Your Baby Teeth And Fall Down A Lot And Get The Croup And Then Become Angry And Bitter.

Im Not A Mom, But I Think The Word Mother Is About Wisdom.

My Philosophy Is, "murder The Rapist In Your Mind So You Stop Killing Yourself." I've Seen, In My Lifetime, That Sexual Abuse Has Turned Into Self-abuse. When I Kill The Rapist Inside Of Me, I Will Stop Killing Myself.

Some People Are That - More Than A Parent, More Than A Role Model, More Than Anything Less Than A Religion.

I Taught Sunday School For Two Years. And I Got Fired. I Abused My Authority. I Used To Teach Class Like This, "ok, If One More Person Talks, Everybody Is Going To Hell."

I Am A Big Ellen Fan. I Have Been One For Quite A Long Time Now. I Used To Do The Local News Talk Shows With Her In San Francisco, When We Were Both Still Kids.

I Think I Appeal To People Who Are Living In The Margins Because Of Their Identity And Who Need To Feel Freedom Somewhere.

There's Lot Of Social Censorship Now, Especially In This Era Of Ubiquitous Social Media.

I'm Taking A Lot Of My Favorite Artists, Different People, My Favorite Music And Marrying That With What I Do As A Comic. It's Very Collaborative, Arty, Fun And Cool.

I Do Love The Road, Because For Me, The Road Is Very Comfortable, And It's Very Much What I've Always Wanted To Do. It's One Of The Most Appealing Things About Comedy For Me, So I Do Really Have An Affection For It.

I Get Up Around 7 A.m. That's Very Early For A Stand-up Comic. Then I'll Have Breakfast With My Husband, The Artist Al Ridenour, Take My Three Dogs For A Walk And Commence With My Work.

Humanity Is A Natural Foil For Inhumanity, And Humanity Is What Will Ultimately Keep Us Going When All Else Has Failed.

In America, I'm A Foreigner Because Of My Korean Heritage. In Asia, Because I Was Born In America, I'm A Foreigner. I'm Always A Foreigner.

For Me To Be Ten Pounds Thinner Is A Full-time Job, And I Am Handing In My Notice And Walking Out The Door!!

Try To Love Someone Who You Want To Hate, Because They Are Just Like You, Somewhere Inside, In A Way You May Never Expect, In A Way That Resounds So Deeply Within You That You Cannot Believe It.

People Are Really Terrified Of Me. I Don't Know Why, I'm Very Nice, But People Are Very Intimidated By Me.

Monogamy Is So Weird. Like When You Know Their Name And Stuff.

If You Really Care About Children Then Why Would You Want To Keep Families From Adopting Them?

I'd Like To Put Across The Notion That Bad Taste Is Actually Good For You.

I Was Lucky. I Always Had Really Great Friends In My Personal Life, People Always Just Knew Who I Was. It Wasn't Until I Was In Show Business Where That Sort Of Changed Or Shifted At First. I Have Always Had A Great Support Network. I Have Had A Lot Of Really Wonderful, Close Friends.

My Life Is Anything But Typical.

The Intention Is To Make People Laugh, To Make People Happy. It's Unselfish, It's In The Service Of Others, And As A Comedian You Are Making Yourself Vulnerable In Order To Make Others Happy. And It Has A Transformative Power.

Make Others Happy

I Feel Like This Song [yello, "oh Yeah"] Was Probably Done In A Couple Of Minutes In A Studio. There Was Probably No Thought Behind It; They Were Just Playing With Some Samples And Threw It Together. I Feel Like There's No Dream Behind The Song. Usually There's A Dream Or Some Kind Of Passion Attached To A Song. This Song Feels Very Empty. It Made A Lot Of Money For The Songwriters But At The Expense Of Culture.

Just Because You Are Blind And Unable To See My Beauty Doesn't Mean It Does Not Exist.

Comedy Is A Noble Art. And Every Comedian Who Does Anything Is Serving A Noble Purpose.

Let's Not Hate Ourselves. We Are All We Have. We Cannot Change Anything Until We Accept That. I Cannot Do This Alone. I Don't Love Myself Enough To Do It Alone, But I Can Do It If We Have A Pact, If I Am Keeping Up My End Of The Bargain. I Have Been A Longtime Perpetrator Of Hate Crimes Against Myself, And I Am Turning Myself In. I Have Had Enough.

I Get A Lot From Great '90s Artists Like Juliana Hatfield, The Pixies, And Bands Like That Dog And The Breeders.

It's Okay For You To Have Relationships, But It's Not Okay To Talk About Them. It's Not Okay To Be Out Or To Be Public About It. It's Not Okay To Be Photographed With Your Partner.

Something As Important As Marriage Equality, Which Is Now A Constitutional Right [in The Usa], Is Something That Cannot Be Denied. It's Also Very Un-christian, If You Think About The Way Christ Was And Christ's Teachings. This Is Not Loving. This Is Anger. This Is Hatred. This Is Bigotry. And It's Wrong.

I'm A Survivor. But I'm Also Victim, Too. Surviving Has The Connotation That You've Been Through It, You Lived Through It And That's Wonderful - But A Victim Is What I Was. "survivor" Is The More Healing Way To Look At It.

I Have 3 Dogs Myself - I Actually Have A Kennel License In Order To Do So. I Love Them So Much I Couldn't Imagine My Life Without Them.

I Thought I Was So Ugly For So Long, And I Wasted So Much Of My Life On This Dumb Notion.

Its Funny Because When I Did Feel Like I Came Out And I Just Felt Like I Was Being Truthful To Myself, (it Was At) That Point I Became Very Successful. So You Know, It Took A True Kind Of Facing That Truth Of Myself And Being Honest, That Was When The Real Kind Of Fame Or Whatever That Kind Of Stuff Happened For Me.

I Think I Started Out Okay But With Aids Came A Great Deal Of Silence About Gayness And This Period Of Lose And Morning, But At The Same Time A Kind Of Feeling Like You Wanted To Get Back Into The Closet Because Being Gay Was Such A Terrible Thing At That Point.

I Was Raised To Be Self-conscious About Weight. Then As I Got Older And Started Doing Television, It Became A Career Issue, Like, 'you Have To Lose Weight Or You'll Lose That Job.'

I Loved Everything. I Read Everything. Art And Poetry And Literature And Trash And Sci Fi. I Didn't Know What I Would Become Yet And I Needed To Read To Figure It Out.

It Makes It Very Hard To Say What You Believe In And Not Be Attacked For It. And It's Not Fair; I'm Korean, But I'm Not Supposed To Talk About My Experience And My Life? It's Unaccepting.

I Can Never Tell When Something Is Funny. I Just Have To Do It Onstage And Find Out.

There's Vulnerability - So I Have To Make Sure The Audience Is Certain That I Know What I'm Doing. There's Vulnerability There Because My Heart Is Open, But At The Same Time I Definitely Have A Lot Of "weapons" At My Disposal. I Have All The Language, I Have All Of The Moment - I Have All Of That To Spar With Somebody, To Take Anything On.

People Drain Me, Even The Closest Of Friends, And I Find Loneliness To Be The Best State In The Union To Live In.

You Have To Adhere To A Certain Morality, A Certain Level Of Decorum, Or Else You'll Be Punished And Labeled.

I Think That Failure Is Just As Important As Success. In A Way, Failure Is A Kind Of Success If You Can Look At It In The Right Way, If You Can Accept It And Enjoy It In The Right Way.

My Parents Are Very Funny When They Have To Deal With Anything Racy Or Off-color. They Usually Pretend They Don't Speak English.

That We Are Selfish Gives Us The Opportunity To Gain The Power So That, In Time, We Might Be Selfless. To Give Back What We Have Learned. To Teach What We Know, And Shorten The Journey For Those Who Will Come After Us.

My History In Show Business Spans Over A Quarter Of A Century, And I Have Seen Many People In The Industry Struggle With Coming Out, Only To Find Much More Success After They Finally Did.

It's Good To Be Able To Laugh At Yourself And The Problems You Face In Life. Sense Of Humor Can Save You.

Ugly. Is Irrelevant. It Is An Immeasurable Insult To A Woman, And Then Supposedly The Worst Crime You Can Commit As A Woman. But Ugly, As Beautiful, Is An Illusion.

My Mother Goes Crazy Over Babies. Some People Just Do. They Love 'em! I Never Have. Babies Scare Me More Than Anything. They're Tiny And Fragile And Impressionable - And Someone Else's! As Much As I Hate Borrowing Stuff, That Is How Much I Hate Holding Other People's Babies. It's Too Much Responsibility.

There Are Definitely Racial Problems In This Country [the Usa]. Comedy Is A Way We Can Figure Out How To Solve It, And How To Solve It Without Making People Really Angry.

I Could Definitely Rock Out To Kraftwerk's "tour De France," Tubeway Army, Or Gary Numan. All Of That Stuff Has An Infectious Beat, But With "oh Yeah," I Can't Even Identify What's Going On. It Sounds Like Typewriter Keys, A Couple Of Synth Notes And Then This Really Deep "oh Yeah," Which I Always Picture As Andre The Giant On Vocals.

People At Shows Have Told Me That They've Shown My Videos To Their Parents And Families To Help Them Come Out Of The Closet. It's Very Inspiring That Comedy Can Do That And Can Help People Cope With Everyday Life And Challenges Through Humor.

To Me, Marriage Is Really Important And What We Build Families On. That's Why Gay Marriage Is Really Important.

I Refer To Myself As Gay, But I’m Married To A Man.

Where Do People Get Off Telling People What To Do? It's Their Bodies. If You Legalized Sex Work And Legally Protected The Sex Workers, You Wouldn't See Anything Like Human Trafficking. All Of That Would Be Obliterated.

I Was About 17 Or 18 And There Were A Lot Of Clubs And Dancing. It Was The Beginning Of Rave Culture And A Lot Of Ecstasy. Because Of All The Drugs, There Are Certain Songs That Make Me Feel High.

My Former Bullies Pay Extra To Come Backstage And Meet Me After Shows, And I Pretend Not To Know Them In Front Of Their Friends. It Is The Most Divine Pleasure To Exact The Revenge Of The Brutalized Child That Resides Within.

You Have To Have A Very Holler-y Sensibility. So They [the Audience] Know There's Something Worth Listening To.

Since I Became A Dancer, I Have Felt Much Better About Myself.

I Think That Sometimes People [who Overreact Or Lash Out] Will Hang On To Their Point Just Because They're So Embarrassed That They Made It. They Won't Set It Down Because They Are The Authors Of These [disproportionate Responses] And They Have A Lot To Be Embarrassed About.

There's A Lot Of Guy Comics Who I Think Are Funny, But I Generally Am More Excited About A Special Or A Show Where There Are Females.

Comedy Is Quite A Difficult Place For Queers And For Women.

Why Go Through Life Feeling Cheated? It Does Nothing But Make You Bitter.

The Stuff I Do And Say Onstage I Can Do Easily. As A Performer, That Comes Easily. But Being Social Offstage, It's Not Easy For Me.

Anything Vince Clarke, Whether It's Erasure, Yaz, Or Depeche Mode. It's Basically R&b With Synths. It's Very Sexy Music And Perfect For Gay Sex.

I Think That Reaching Out To Kids That Feel Really Isolated Is A Life Saving Gesture That We Have A Responsibility As Older Queers To Do.

Politics Has Less To Do With Where You Live Than Where Your Heart Is.

The Label Of Tasteful Or Tasteless Is So Often Used To Silence People And To Maintain The Status Quo. It's Used To Shame People For Not Following The Commonly Accepted Routine, For Not Aligning Themselves With The Status Quo.

I Feel Sorry For Anyone That I Am Obsessed With. I Am Worse Than Gum In Your Hair, Very, Very Close To The Roots.

I Think That Gay People Should Have The Right To Get Married By Elvis Like Everybody Else.

I've Always Been An Ajumma, But When You Get Older, The Culture We Were Brought Up In Works In Our Favor Where Aging Is Good, Combatting The Hollywood Idea That Aging Is Bad. I'm Very Grateful For That.

I'm Always Too Fat. And I Always Look Terrible. But I Love The Theater Of The Red Carpet.

Thankfully, Beauty Is Easier To Remove Than Apply, And A Swipe Of Demaquillage In The Right Direction And You Are You Once Again.

Right Direction

All The Songs On Yankee Hotel Foxtrot Are The Encapsulation Of Heterosexual Love. I Have Different Records For Gay Sex.

A Few Words About ‘trannychasing.’ I Am Not A Trannychaser. Ok, Actually I Am A Trannychaser. No I Am Not. I Am A Trannycatcher! Just Kidding!

When I Do An Asian Character Or An Asian Voice I'm Doing One Because That's My Heritage And My Family And Where I Come From. My Family Is Of Korean Descent And Specifically North Korean Descent. So It Makes Sense For Me To Talk About That Issue Because It's The Only Weapon I Have To Somehow Avenge My Family And My History.

People Are So Sensitive About Race That They Can't Hear Someone Speaking About Their Life In A Very True Way, Or Doing Satire Or Political Parody.

There's This Idea Like Feminism Is Humorless And Humorless In A Way That's Like A Whistleblower. Like You're Going To - You're Going To Make Sure That Nobody Has Any Fun. And That's Not True At All. I Think Feminism Allows Me To Do What I Do, And I'm So Grateful To The Idea Of It And Grateful To All The Women That Came Before.

I Really Love Steve Martin And All The Stuff He Did In The '70s. I Think It's Really Great.

I'm Really Bad With Trolls Because I Have A Lot Of Really Intense Friends Who Are Not Necessarily Doing Things So Legally. If I Get Trolled, [my Friends Will Send Me] An Email With The Person's Social Security Number, Phone Number, Pictures Of His Family, His Business, His Spouse. I See This Person In His Totality, And I Feel So Bad. I Shouldn't Have That Power.

Like The Birth Of Venus, The Song [yello "oh, Yeah"] Denotes The Birth Of The Bro. The Song Just Reminds Me Of Bros Looking Out Over Lowered Ray-bans. It Birthed A Negative Sexual Revolution. I Was Going To A Lot Of Bondage Clubs At The Time And They Did Play This Song. The Song I Associate More Is That Horrible Enigma Song With The Gregorian Chant. There's Something Good Buried In That Song And I Might Not Hate It As Much If I Hadn't Been A Sex Worker.

People Have A Lot Of Shame And Suffering Around It And I Felt That The Best Thing I Could Do Was To Share My Experiences, Which I Have Been Doing For A Long Time, And Let People Know That Of All The Things That I've Endured.

My Family Has Been Deeply Affected By The Split Of Korea, Which Divided It In Half, Basically, Before I Was Born. There's No Way To Connect With My Family Now Who Are In North Korea Because It's So Isolated. We Don't Even Know Who Is Still There And Who Is Alive, And If They Are, What They Are Doing. Comedy Is The Only Weapon I Have To Battle This Totalitarianism.

I've Worked With Incredible Producers Who Have Also Taken My Voice And Brought It To Another Level. I Think I Have Some Natural Abilities, But It's The Technique That I've Been Learning From The Best That Keeps Me Going. I'm Really Honored To Do It.

I Want Jesus To Come Back And Say 'thats Not What I Meant'" -

My Father Tried To Get Me To Be Around Gay People A Lot When I Was Young. He Owned A Gay Bookstore And It Had A Lot Of Gay Literature And Art Books And He Wanted Me To Be Taken Care Of By The Young Gays And Lesbians Who Worked For Him.

No Wonder All The Great Comedians Had Such Destructive Private Lives. ... After You Get The Audience Into That Kind Of Frenzy, And You Are Being Worshiped Like The False Idol You Are, How Do You Leave The Stage And Transition Back Into Real Life? ... What Is There Left To Do But Set Yourself On Fire?

Comedy Was All I Ever Wanted.

I Don't Know Why It's Anyone's Business! People Do What They Need To Do. I Did It, And It Was Nowhere Near As Traumatic As Being Raped. I Was So Numb For So Long That Sex Work For Me Was Not A Big Deal.

I Want To Get Married But I Look At Husbands The Same Way I Look At Tattoos. I Want One, But I Can't Decide What I Want, And I Don't Want To Be Stuck With Something I'd Grow To Hate And Have Surgically Removed.

I Really (became) Very Independent. I Was Start(ed) To Write One-woman Shows And Mak(e) Films And To Me I Think I Really Felt Like My Choice (was) More Important Than Any Kind Of Career Goal.

I Think That All Bodies Are Beautiful In Millions Of Different Ways But I Get Down On Myself Too!

To Start Telling People That You're Beautiful, Or Just Feel Beautiful, Just Start Acting Like You Are The Most Beautiful Woman In The World. And It Really Improves Everything! Because Your Sort Of Psyche Responds To It - Like This Is Truthful!

I Am Star-struck But Also I've Known A Lot Of People For A Long Time. Like I'm Super Star-struck By Grant Lee Phillips And Jon Brion But I've Known Them For 17 Years. So It's Kinda Like Weird To Be Star-struck Still, But I Still Am!

[an Article About Cho] Started Out, "funny, Sexy, Zaftig Margaret Cho..." What Is "zaftig?" Isn't That German For "big Fat Pig?" I Guess I Was Lucky - "zaftig" Is Kind Of A Nice Word. It Could Have Been, "funny, Sexy, Obese Margaret Cho."

We Must Know Who We Are, So We Can Know What We Want, So We Don't End Up Wanting The Wrong Thing And Get It And Realize We Don't Want It, Because By Then It's Too Late. We Are Powerful Enough That We Can Manifest Anything Into Our Lives. To Use This Power With Great Care And Love Is The Secret To Living A Happy Life.

I Think Comedy Is An Angry Art Form; It's An Outsider Art Form. Anger And Comedy Are Really Connected. If I'm Angry About Something I Will Try To Think About Something Funny About It To Lighten The Load Of The Anger And Cope With The Anger.

I Love New York. I Love Working Here.

I Love New York

And If The Problem [with Contraception] Is Promiscuity, Then Why Does The Immense Popularity Of Viagra Go Unchecked? Doesn't It Make More Sense To Leave The Bullets Out Of The Gun Than To Try To Avoid Being Shot? Especially When The Gun Is An Old Musket, And You Have To Clean It Out And Tamp Down Gunpowder, Melt Down Scraps Of Lead And Pour It Into A Mold, Wait For It To Cool - Only To Have It Take Forever To Finally Go Off?

Over Half The World Menstruates At One Time Or Another, But You'd Never Know It. Isn't That Strange?

Homophobia Is A Tough One. In Some Places It's Actually Very Ok To Be Homophobic. Comedy Clubs In General Are Very Unsafe Spaces For Lgbt, For Women, For Asian People. So My Goal In Comedy Has Sort Of Been To Make This A Safe Space For People Who Were Like Me.

We Should Retain Our Anger In The Face Of Injustice And Not Be Shamed By That.

Sometimes When We Are Generous In Small, Barely Detectable Ways It Can Change Someone Else's Life Forever.

You Have To Constantly Recreate Yourself In Show Business, Which Is A Very Fast Thing, Especially Now With The Tremendous Speed Of Social Media. There Are So Many Personalities, So Many Different Kinds Of Comedy That You Can Access, So It’s Definitely Important To Stake Your Claim And Say Who You Are.

I Was In Toronto When They Had A Severe Outbreak Of Sars - You Know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome. I Was In The Airport And There Were These Big Snowboarder Guys And They Had White Masks Around Their Necks, And As Soon As They Saw Me, They Put Their Masks On. So I Went "cough, Cough, Cough... You Wanna Egg Rorr?

The Only Thing That Was Sort Of Asian [as A Role Model] Was Hello Kitty. I Don't Want To Model Myself After Hello Kitty. She Has No Mouth.

This Was An Era Where I Was Going Out Every Night Seeing Sparks, Berlin, Duran Duran, And Split Enz. Amazing Acts Doing Really Weird Stuff, And I Was Very Open To Music And Letting It Transform Me.

Success Is Meaningless If You Can't Sleep At Night Because Of Harsh Things Said, Petty Secrets Sharpened Against Hard And Stony Regret, Just Waiting To Be Plunged Into The Soft Underbelly Of A 'friendship.'

Congratulations

I Love Tattooed Women, Maybe Because They Are Uncontrollable, They Are Themselves To The Point Of Drawing Symbols Of Their Power On Their Skin. Talk About Owning Your Own Body, Being In Your Body, Claiming Yourself. I Love It. When The World Is In An Uproar Over Whether Women Should Have A Choice Or Not When It Comes To Their Own Bodies, Being Tattooed Is One Of The Most Visible Choices Of All.

Now On Facebook I Have All These 'friends' Who Used To Bully Me, And They're Like, 'we're So Proud! We Love You!' They Come To Shows And Want To Take A Picture, And They're Like, 'don't You Remember Us?' And I'm Like, 'i'm Sorry, I Don't.' And I Feel Bad, But I Feel Good.

White Fragility! White People Are So Sensitive About Race And Racial Conversations. I Feel Like I'm Always Walking On Eggshells When I'm Around White People.

My Parents Never Really Had That Much Money, So I Kind Of Live In The Same World That They Do.

I'm Not A Body Shamer. The Word Fat Has Been Used To Hurt Me My Entire Life.

I'm A Huge Fan Of The People And Things That Are Considered The Epitomes Of Tastelessness - Things Like Drag And Raunchy Comedy.

I Think Reality Television Is Such A Special Talent.

Let's Not Hate Ourselves. We Are All We Have. ... I Have Been A Longtime Perpetrator Of Hate Crimes Against Myself, And I Am Turning Myself In. I Have Had Enough.

I Think If Somebody Does Something Stupid, It's Okay To Make Fun Of Them, But [celebrities] Have Also Gotten Very Conscious About Social Media, Kind Of Like The Catholic Church In The 1500s.

I'm Lucky That I Have Good Genetics. Like You Said, It Just Gets Better As I Get Older.

Often Something That Is In Bad Taste Or Considered To Be In Bad Taste Is Something That's Just Very True But That People Are Unwilling To Discuss Or Comment On.

In The Early '90s, There Was Such A Limited Idea Of What You Could See On Tv.

No Matter What These Terrorists Do, I Refuse To Be Terrorized. All This Requires Is Just A Few Alterations In Our Day To Day Lives. For Example, My First Instinct When I Receive An Envelope Full Of White Powder... Is To Snort It! I Just Won't Do That This Time!

That It Is Not The People Who Really Feel That Way, But It Is People Who Have The Most Money To Fire Up These Propaganda Campaigns, These Like, Basically These Lies That They Are Willing To Lie To The Public In Order To Manipulate Them Into Doing What They Want. And To Me It Doesn't Make Any Sense.

I Don't Want To Hurt Anybody Because Of Their Looks. That's Been Used To Hurt Me So Much.

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Gerard Manley Hopkins

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