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It's All About You, Colie." She Touched One Finger To Her Temple, Tap Tap Tap. "believe In Yourself Up Here And It Will Make You Stronger Than You Could Ever Imagine." There Is Something Infectious About Confidence. And For That One Moment, With My Eyebrows Burning And My Eyes Watering, I Believed. "and Good Hair Never Hurt Either.

-Sarah Dessen

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It's All About You,

Sarah Dessen

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It's All About You, Colie." She Touched One Finger To Her Temple, Tap Tap Tap. "believe In Yourself Up Here And It Will Make You Stronger Than You Could Ever Imagine." There Is Something Infectious About Confidence. And For That One Moment, With My Eyebrows Burning And My Eyes Watering, I Believed. "and Good Hair Never Hurt Either.

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This Thought Was Interrupted, Suddenly, By A Crash From The Front Entrance. We All Looked Over Just In Time To See Adam Bending Back From The Glass, Rubbing His Arm. "pull Open," Maggie Called Out. As Leah Rolled Her Eyes, She Said, "he Never Remembers. It's So Weird.

Doesn't It Seem Sometimes That The Whole World's Uphill But At Least We Know The Way Back Will Be Easy.

I Knew That It Wouldn’t Last. It Was Just A Moment, A Perfect Moment, As Time Stood Still And Fleetingly Everything Fell Back Into Its Proper Place.

Nah," I Said. "but If It Does, Just Tell Him I Said To Get Back On The Bike." "what?" "he'll Understand.

Once, I Was Easy. Now, I Was Choosy. See? Big Difference.

Okay. Enough." I Got Out Of The Closet, Brushing Myself Off, Then Turned Around To Face Her. "this Is Happening. So You Need To Go Downstairs, Face Your Fears, And Make The Best Of It, And Everything Will Be Okay." She Narrowed Her Eyes At Me. "when Did You Suddenly Become So Positive?" "just Get Out Of There.

She Was Just A Shell Of Her Former Self, Functioning And Talking But Hardly Alive.

There Were Endless Ways To Spend Your Days, I Knew That, None Of Them Right Or Wrong. But Given The Chance For A Real Do-over, Another Way Around, Who Would Say No?

I Bet You Can't Eat Ten Bananas!" "i Bet You're Right.

I Was Tired Of Hanging On, Taking The Torn Pieces To Make Something Whole With Them.

Accepting All The Good And Bad About Someone. It's A Great Thing To Aspire To. The Hard Part Is Actually Doing It.

After The Group Vet Appointment--during Which Lyle Scratched The Vet, The Vet Tech, And Some Poor Woman Minding Her Own Business In The Waiting Room--we Went Back To Sabrina's And Re-released The Cats To Their Natural Habitat.

I Think If You're Going To Show A True Representation Of Any One Life, It Can't Be About Any One Thing. I Try To See More Of A Full Picture, With The Romance Just A Single Part.

I Always Tried To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Open Your Door To Find Something You Had Given Up On. Maybe It Had Seen Places You Never Had, Been Rerouted And Passed Through So Many Strange Hands, But Still Somehow Found Its Way Back To You, All Before The Day Even Began.

It Takes So Little To Change Everything. If You Really Thought About It, It Would Scare You To Death.

If You Have Just One Person Believe In You, You'll Always Find Your Way

In The End, Though, Maybe It's Not How You Reach A Place That Matters. Just That You Get There At All.

Lissa Lowered Her Voice And Added, "i Might Not Even Go To School Anyway. I Might Defer And Join The Peace Corps And Go To Africa And Shave My Head And Dig Latrines." "shave Your Head?" I Said, Because, Really, This Was The Most Ludicrous Part Of The Whole Thing. "you? Do You Have Any Idea How Ugly Most People's Bare Heads Are? They've Got All Kinds Of Bumps, Lissa. And You Won't Know Until It's Too Late And You're Flat-out Bald.

I Honestly Don't Have Many Creative Outlets. I'm Not Crafty - Although Motherhood Has Forced Me To Try To Be - And I Can Only Draw Trees, Beaches, And Clouds. I'm A So-so Cook Except For Deviled Eggs. Writing Has Always Been The One Thing I Feel That I Am Pretty Good At Doing. But It's Enough, Thank Goodness.

I Should Have Told You From The Start. I Will Let You Down.

And That Was It. All This Buildup To A Great Leap, And I Didn't Fall Or Fly. Instead I Found Myself Back On The Edge Of The Cliff, Blinking, Wondering If I'd Ever Jumped At All. It's Not Supposed To Be Like This.

I Mean, It's Impossible To Fake Anything If You've Already Seen The Other Person In A Way They'd Never Choose For You To. You Can't Go Back From That.

Whenever You Made A Choice, Especially One You'd Been Resisting, It Always Affected Everything Else, Some In Big Ways, Like A Tremor Beneath Your Feet, Others In So Tiny A Shift You Hardly Noticed A Change At All. But It Was Happening.

It's A Big Deal When You Finally Get The Chance To Do The One Thing You Want To Do - Need To Do - More Than Anything. It Can Kind Of Scare The Crap Out Of You.

So He Didn't Have To Prove How He Felt About Me. Like So Much Else, I Should Just Know.

But There Was Only One Truth About Forever That Really Mattered, And That Was This: It Was Happening.

Truth About Forever

I'd Known Enough People For Every Minute Of The Day, And Yet Still Didn't Have Anyone As My Two A.m.

With Total Strangers, It Had Always Been My Policy To Expect The Worst. Usually They-and Those That You Knew Best, For That Matter-did Not Disappoint.

This Is Personal, She'd Said. Real. This Moment Was Too, Even If You Couldn't See It At First Glance. It Was Fake On The Outside, But So True Within. You Only Had To Look, Really Look To Tell.

I Always Say That Teenagers Are The First To Know If You're Pandering To Them.

It Wasn’t So Much That I Was Positive. I Just Wasn’t Fully Subscribing To Such A Negative Way Of Thinking Anymore.

Way Of Thinking

I Mean, It's Not Surprising, Really. Once You Love Something, You Always Love It In Some Way. You Have To. It's, Like, Part Of You For Good.

Are You Crazy? Flirting With Eli Stock In Front Of Belissa Norwood, In Belissa Norwood’s House, While Eating Belissa Norwood’s Cupcakes?

The Silence Wasn't Like The Ones I'd Known Lately, Though: It Wasn't Empty As Much As Chosen. There's A Entirely Different Feel To Quiet When You're With Some-one Else, And At Any Moment It Could Be Broken. Like The Difference Between A Pause And An Ending.

“well," Isaid Finally, Knowing He Was Waiting, “you Make Me Laugh.” He Nodded. “and?” “you're Pretty Good-looking." ""pretty Good-looking? I Called You Beautiful." "you Want To Be Beautiful?" I Asked Him. "are You Saying I'm Not?"

It's True. It's Like The Hidden Secret That No One Tells You. We Can All Be Beautiful Girls, Colie. It's So Easy. It's Like Dorothy Clicking Her Heels To Go Home. You Could Do It All Along.

He Was Not My Boyfriend. On The Other Hand, He Wasn't Just A Friend Either. Instead, Our Relationship Was Elastic, Stretching Between Those Two Extremes Depending On Who Else Was Around, How Much Either Of Us Had To Drink, And Other Varying Factors. This Was Exactly What I Wanted, As Commitments Had Never Really Been My Thing. And It Wasn't Like It Was Hard, Either. The Only Trick Was Never Giving More Than You Were Willing To Lose.

Of Course It Hurts", She Grumbled, Tipping My Head Further Back. "life Sucks. Get Over It

The End Of A Wedding Reception Is Always So Depressing. And Only The Bride And Groom Are Spared, Jetting Off Into The Sunset While The Rest Of Us Wake Up The Next Morning To Just Another Day.

Why Don't You Ever Wait A Second And See What I'm Planning, Or Thinking, Before You Burst In With Your Opinions And Ideas? You Never Even Give Me A Chance.

No," I Snapped. "i Mean, No. I'm Answering. I'm Just Collecting My Response." Another Few Seconds Passed. Is There A Time Limit For This?" He Asked. I Shot Him A Look. "just Wondering.

The Only Thing I Can't Stand More Than Seeing Something Done Wrong Is Seeing It Done Slowly.

There's This Other Half Of Him I Don't Know Of, It's Like He Is Trying To Keep It A Secret... If He Would Just Let Me Inside So I Can Help.

I Hated High School. I Was Not The Greatest Student, Participated In No Activities, And Spent Most Of My Time Hanging Out In My Parking Lot.

Being A Star Requires Risk-taking Shoes.

But If Everything Was Always Smooth And Perfect, You'd Get Too Used To That, You Know? You Have To Have A Little Bit Of Disorganization Now And Then. Otherwise, You'll Never Really Enjoy It When Things Go Right.

Who Would Have Thought That Grieving An Old Relationship And Enjoying A New One Could Happen Simultaneously, In Parallel? Yet Another Thing You Only Find Out Once It's Happening To You.

Old Relationship

I Was Bored. Sad. Lonely. It Was Only A Matter Of Time Before I Cracked.

Hey, And For What It's Worth? Friends Don't Leave You Alone In The Woods. Friends Are The Ones Who Come And Take You Out.

Looking At The Pond, All I Could Think Was That It Is An Incredivle Thing, How A Whole World Can Rise From What Seems Like Nothing At All.

But She Wouldn't. I Knew That Already. My Mother And I Had An Understanding: We Worked Together To Be As Much In Control Of Our Shared World As Possible. I Was Suposed To Be Her Other Half, Carrying My Share Of The Weight. In The Last Few Weeks, I'd Tried To Shed It, And Doing So Sent Everything Off Kilter. So Of Course She Would Pull Me Tighter, Keeping Me In My Place, Because Doing So Meant She Would Always Be Sure, Somehow, Of Her Own.

But It Was Important To Simply Be Sought, Even If You Didn‟t Ever Want To Be Found.

Stop It. Seriously. This Isn't Funny.' 'you're Right.' A Pause. 'it's Pathetic.

I Wondered If It Was Really Because He Cared About Me, Or If Now I Was Just Another Challenge.

It Was Always Late At Night, When Everything And Everyone Else Was Quiet, That Those Voices Would Rise Like Ghosts, Soft And Haunting, Filling Your Mind Until Sleep Finally Came.

That Sucks, Though," Wes Said Finally, His Voice Low. "you're Just Setting Yourself Up To Fail, Because You'll Never Get Everything Perfect." "says Who?" He Just Looked At Me. "the World," He Said, Gesturing All Around Us, As If This Party, This Deck Encompassed It All. "the Universe. There's Just No Way. And Why Would You Want Everything To Be Perfect, Anyway?" "i Don't Want Everything To Be Perfect," I Said. Just Me, I Thought. Somehow. "i Just Want—

You Can't Just Plan A Moment When Things Get Back On Track, Just As You Can't Plan The Moment You Lose Your Way In The First Place. But Standing There Alone On The Landing, I Thought Of Grandma Halley And How She'd Held Me Close Against Her Lap As We Watched The Sky Together. I'd Always Thought I Couldn't Remember, But Suddenly In That Moment, I Closed My Eyes And Saw The Comet, Finally, Brilliant And Impossible, Stretching Above Me Across The Sky.

As He Heard Me Approach, He Quickly Leaped Up, Grabbing A Nearby Loaf Of Bread And Holding It In Front Of Him As If Struck By A Sudden Desire To Make A Sandwich.

It's So, So Stupid What We Do To Ourselves Because We're Afraid. It's So Stupid.

It All Depends On How You Choose To Live It. It's Like Forever, Always Changing.

A Second Later, When He Looked Up At Me, We Were Face To Face, And Again, Even Under These Circumstances, I Was Struck By How Good Looking He Was, In That Accidental, Doesn't-even-know-it Kind Of Way. Which Only Made It Worse. Or Better. Or Whatever. "yup", He Said, As If There'd Been Any Doubt, "you're In There, All Right." "i Was Warned, Too,"i Told Him, As He Stood Up. "i Just Saw That Sculpture, And I Got Distracted." "the Sculpture?" He Looked At It, Then At Me. "oh, Right. Because You Know It.

Your Mother Won A Special Reward," She Told Me, "because Everyone Had A Head In Her Pictures. We All Applauded.

When Someone Starts To Change, And It’s Obvious, It's Sort Of Natural To Wonder Why. Right?

Maybe Other Writers Have Perfect First Drafts, But I Am Not One Of Them. I Always Try To Get The Book As Tight As I Can, But You Reach A Point As The Author Where You Have Lost All Perspective.

See For Me, It’s Immediate. Silence Is So Freaking Loud.' This Seemed Either Deep Or Deeply Oxymoronic. I Wasn’t Sure Which.

But The Original Was There As Well—more Jaded And Rudimentary, Functional Rather Than Romantic. It Fit Not Just The Yellow House But Another Door, Deep Within My Own Heart. One That Had Been Locked So Tight For So Long That I Was Afraid To Even Try It For Fear Of What Might Be On The Other Side

Once I’m Done With A Book, I’m Done! I’m Just Not A Sequel Kind Of Girl. By The Time I’ve Finished A Book I’ve Read It So Many Times That It’s Time To Move On.

It’s Funny How One Summer Can Change Everything.

But Risk Is Just Part Of Relationships. Sometimes They Work, Sometimes They Don't.

Now, Now," My Father Said. "let's Just Get The Bags." This Was Typical. My Father, The Lone Male In Our Estrogen-heavy Household, Had Always Dealt With Any Kind Of Emotional Situation Or Conflict By Doing Something Concrete And Specific. Discussion Of Cramps And Heavy Flow At The Breakfast Table? He Was Up And Out The Door To Change Oil On One Of Our Cars. Coming Home In Tears For Reasons You Just Didn't Want To Discuss? He'd Go Make You A Grilled Cheese, Which He'd Probably End Up Eating. Family Crisis Brewing In A Public Place? Bags. Get The Bags.

So You Should Remember That, When You're Thinking About What Other People Can Deal With. Maybe It's Not So Bad.

I Think Part Of The Problem Sometimes Is That There's So Much Happening In My Books, To Whittle It Down Into A Single Script Is Hard.

If Only You Could Really Use A Fail-proof System To Know Who Was Worth Keeping And Who Needed To Be Thrown Away. It Would Make It So Much Easier To Move Through The World, Picking And Choosing What Connections To Make, Or Whether To Make Any At All.

The Bottom Line Is, What Defines You Isn't How Many Times You Crash, But The Number Of Times You Get Back On The Bike. As Long As It's One More. You're All Good.

She Fell, She Hurt, She Felt. She Lived. And For All The Tumble Of Her Experiences, She Still Had Hope. Maybe This Next Time Would Do The Trick. Or Maybe Not. But Unless You Stepped Into The Game, You Would Never Know.

You Want To Take Me To A Movie?" I Asked. "well, Not Really," He Said. "what I Really Want Is For You To Be My Girlfriend. But I Thought Saying That Might Scare You Off.

Hey, Think Fast!' I Just Looked At Fave As He Chucked The Basketball At Me With Possibly The Worst Overhand Throw I'd Ever Seen. It Landed To My Far Right, Then Bounced Past Me, Banging Against My Dad's Truck. 'do You Have A Vision Problem Of Something?' I Asked Him. 'just Keeping You On Your Toes,' He Replied

Told You. Everything Sounds Better In The Car Wash.

Because Anyone That Can Make You Feel That Bad About Yourself Is Toxic.

Your Past Is Always Your Past. Even If You Forget It, It Remembers You.

Despite My Dad's Assurances I Was Strangely Nervous My Stomach Tight Ever Since We'd Hung Up. Maybe Deb Had Picked Up On This And It Was Why She'd Pretty Much Talked Nonstop Since I'd Approached Her And Asked For A Ride. I'd Barely Had Time To Explain The Situation Before She Had Launched Into A Dozen Stories To Illustrate The Point That Things Happened But People Were Okay In The End.

I Always Wrote About Girls That Went To The Beach And Had That Summer That Changed Everything. So I Was Interested In What It Would Be Like To Live In A Tourist Town Where Everyone Has These Life Changing Experiences, But Your Whole Life Is There.

I Think As A Writer One Of The Benefits Is That You Can Put Things That You're Interested In Into Your Books. I Always Have Put A Lot Of Food And Restaurants Because I Was A Waitress And I Love To Eat.

Oh Darling, Don't Be Bitter. It's The First Instinct Of The Weak.

But That Was The Problem With Having The Answers. It Was Only After You Gave Them That You Realized They Sometimes Weren't What People Wanted To Hear.

I Wondered Which Was Harder, In The End. The Act Of Telling, Or Who You Told It To. Or Maybe If, When You Finally Got It Out, The Story Was Really All That Mattered.

But There Was Something I Liked About The Idea Of Those Seeds Buried So Deep Having At Least A Chance To Emerge

"so You're Always Honest," I Said. "aren't You?" "no," I Told Him. "i'm Not." "well, That's Good To Know, I Guess." "i'm Not Saying I'm A Liar," I Told Him. He Raised His Eyebrows. "that's Not How I Meant It, Anyways." "how'd You Mean It, Then?" "i Just...i Don't Always Say What I Feel." "why Not?" "because The Truth Sometimes Hurts," I Said. "yeah," He Said. "so Do Lies, Though."

Life Has A Way Of Disregarding Even Your Best Intentions.

Best Intentions

Maybe It Was True, And Being A Girl Could Be About Interest Rates And Skinny Jeans, Riding Bikes And Wearing Pink. Not About Any One Thing, But Everything.

I Was Just Stock In The Middle, Vague And Undefined.

Leaving Was Easy. It Was Everything Else That Was So Damned Hard.

Maybe Marriage, Like Life, Is'nt Only About The Big Moments, Whether They Be Good Or Bad. Maybe It's All The Small Things — Like Being Guided Slowly Forward, Surely, Day After Day — That Stretches Out To Strengthen Even The Most Tenuous Bond.

I Took In A Breath. "what's The One Thing You'd Do," I Asked. "if You Could Do Anything?" Pass," He Said. For A Second I Was Sure I'd Heard Wrong. "what?" He Cleared His Throat. "i Said, I Pass." Why?" He Turned His Head And Looked At Me. "because." Because Why?" Because I Just Do.

Some Things You Don't Have To Tell. Some Things, Between Sisters, Are Understood.

I Never Really Know What I'm Going To Write Next Until It Comes To Me. So We'll Just Have To See What Happens.

It Passed, Though. That Was The Bad Thing. It Always Passed.

This Was Just One Night, One Chance To Vary And See Where It Took Me. The Fireflies Were Probably Already Out: Maybe It Wasn’t Just A Season Or A Time But A Whole World I’d Forgotten. I’d Never Know Until I Stepped Out Into It. So I Did.

I Think My Biggest Problem, Though, At Least In Drafts, Is Not Repeating Myself. After Eight Books I Get Worried That A Character Or Piece Of Dialog Might Be Too Much Like Something I've Already Done. So It's A Challenge To Keep It Fresh.

We Didn't Talk About Our Scars, The Ones You Could See And The Ones You Couldn't.

It Doesn't Matter, Anyway, Why You Like Me. Just That You Do.

There's Something Nice About The Silence Of A Car Ride In The Dark, Going Home. When You Were Tired Of The Radio And Conversation, And It Was Okay To Just Be Alone With Your Thoughts And The Road Ahead. If You're That Comfortable With Someone, You Don't Have To Talk.

One Word," Ted Replied, Dead Serious, "can Change The Whole World." There Was A Moment While We All Considered This. Finally Lissa Said To Chloe, Loud Enough For All Of Us To Hear (she'd Had A Minibottle Or Two Herself), "i Bet He Did Really Well On His Sats.

It's A Funny Feeling, Being Suddenly Airborne. Just As You Realize It, It's Over, And You're Sinking.

I Was Heading Off To My New World. But I Was Taking A Part Of My Past, And The Future, Along With Me For The Ride.

How It Felt To Have The World Moving Beneath Me, A Hand Gripping Mine, Knowing If I Fell, At Least I Wouldn't Do It Alone.

I Remembered Owen Telling Me How Music Had Saved Him In Phoenix, That It Drowned Everything Out, And It Was The Same For Me Now. As Long As I Had Something To Listen To, I Could Blur The Things I Didn't Want To Think About, If Not Block Them Out Completely.

But As I Lay There, It Only Seemes Like Silence Filling My Ears. And The Thing Was, It Was So Freaking Loud.

But I Always Worked Harder When I Was Up Against Something, Or When Someone Assumed I Couldn't Succeed. That's What Drove Me, All Those Nights Studying. The Fact That So Many Figured I Couldn't Do It.

Call It Chicken Salad

In A Way, I Was Almost Happy To See Her. The Worst Part Of Me, Out In The Flesh. Blinking Back At Me In The Dim Light, Daring Me To Call Her A Name Other Than My Own.

Just Because Something's Damaged Doesn't Mean It Shouldn't Be Treated With Respect.' 'ad,' Wallace Said, 'it's A Coffee Table, Not An Orphan.

I Always Thought I Was Different.

True Friendship Is A Promise You Keep Forever.

True Friendship

Morgan Sighed. "i," She Announced, "am So Pathetic." "you Are Not," I Said. "i Am." She Went Over And Straightened The Cling Wrap, Corner To Corner. "do You Know How Many Times I've Brought In Devilled Eggs? This Is, Like, The Only Time I Haven't Been Sobbing And That's Only 'cause I Cried All Night. And Norman," She Said, Her Voice Rising To A Wail, "sweet Norman, Always Just Acts So Surprised To See The Eggs, And Pleased, And He Never, Once, Has Ever Acted Like He Knew What They Meant."

It Was So Easy To Disown What You Couldn't Recognize, To Keep Yourself Apart From Things That Were Foreign And Unsettling. The Only Person You Can Be Sure To Control, Always, Is Yourself. Which Is A Lot To Be Sure Of, But At The Same Time, Not Enough.

No Matter How Much Time Has Passed, These Things Still Affect Us And The World We Live In. If You Don't Pay Attention To The Past, You'll Never Understand The Future. It's All Linked Together.

Really, It Had Been Stupid To Expect Anything Anyway. A Few Late Nights Does Not A Habit, Or A Relationship, Make.

What Is Family? They Were The People Who Claimed You. In Good, In Bad, In Parts Or In Whole, They Were The Ones Who Showed Up, Who Stayed In There, Regardless. It Wasn't Just About Blood Relations Or Shared Chromosomes, But Something Wider, Bigger. Cora Was Right - We Had Many Families Over Time. Our Family Of Origion, The Family We Created, As Well As The Gorups You Moved Thorugh While All Of This Was Happening: Friends, Lovers, Sometimes Even Strangers. None Of Them Were Perfect, And We Couldn't Expect Them To Be. You Couldn't Make Any One Person Your World. The Trick Was To Take What Each Could Give You And Build A World From It.

The First Boy Was Always The Hardest.

If Things Don't Work Out The Way You Want, Hold Your Head Up High And Be Proud. And Try Again. And Again. And Again!

This Was Our Common Ground, The Secret We Shared But Never Spoke Aloud.

I Was So Scared About Being Discovered, But Nobody Came. Nobody Heard. In My Own Ears, Though, My Sobs Sounded Primal And Scary, Like Something I Would Have Turned Off If I'd Been Able To.

He Wasn't What I'd Thought He Was; Maybe He Never Had Been. I Wasn't What I'd Thought I Was, Either.

Mayonnaise Is A Lot Like Men, It Can Make Everything Much Better, Adding Flavor And Ease To Your Life. Or, It Can Just Be Sticky And Gross And Make You Nauseous"- "keeping The Moon

She Bought Seeds And Raided Nurseries And Mulched And Composted And Spent Full Days With Her Hands Full Of Earth, Coaxing Life Our Of The Dry, Dull Grass My Father Had Spent Years Pushing A Mower Over.

But Something, Somehow, Had Made All These Paths Converge. You Couldn't Find It On A Checklist, Or Work It Into The Equation. It Just Happened.

I Walked Over, My Eyes Scanning Luna Blu, My House, And Dave's. But It Was The Building Behind Them, That Empty Hotel, That Had The Tiniest Light, Provided By One Word, Written In Fluorescent Paint. Maybe It Wasn't What Was Once There, In Real Life. But In This One, It Said It All: Stay.

At Every Wedding Someone Stays Home.

I've Always Written In First Person. It Gives The Readers More Insight.

The Health Of The People I Love Is All That Really Matters In This World. Period.

Total Commitment. You Know, The Idea Of Discovering Something That, For All Intents And Purposes, Goes Against Your Abilities, And Yet Still Deciding To Do It Anyway. That Takes Guts, You Know?

I Like Flaws. I Think They Make Things Interesting.

Why Does She Have Wings?' So She Can Fly.

Usually When I Finish The Draft Of A Book, I'm Sure I'll Never Write Another One. I'm Just That Tired And Sick Of Myself. But Then Another Idea Starts Percolating. It Usually Begins With The Narrator's Name, Then Some Idea That Intrigues Me About Her Life Or Situation. I Try To Ignore It As Long As I Can, Because I Know When I Start Writing, I'll Be Right Back Into It, Every Single Day. But Eventually, I Just Have To. It's A Compulsion!

If Nothing Else, Now We Knew Where To Find Each Other, Even If Only Time Would Tell If Either Of Us Would Ever Come Looking.

I've Seen What Commitment Leads To. Going In Is The Easy Part. It's The Ending That Sucks! -remy

I Think Readers Are Just Looking For Things That Maybe They Recognize Or Can Relate To In The Books.

Wherever You Will Go, I Will Let You Down, But This Lullaby Goes On.

I Was So Thrilled That I Was Having A Girl, Because I Just Am So Girly Myself, But I Think The Teenage Years Are Going To Be Very Interesting.

I'd Heard Of Evergreen Care Center Before. Cass And I Had Always Made Fun Of The Stupid Ads They Ran On Tv, Featuring Some Dragged-out Woman With A Limp Perm And Big, Painted-on Circles Under Her Eyes, Downing Vodka And Sobbing Uncontrollably. "we Can't Heal You At Evergreen", The Very Somber Voiceover Said. "but We Can Help You To Heal Yourself." It Had Become Our Own Running Joke, Applicable To Almost Anything. "hey Cass, "i'd Say, "hand Me That Toothpaste." "caitlin," She'd Say, Her Voice Dark And Serious. "i Can't Hand You The Toothpaste. But I Can Help You Hand The Toothpaste To Yourself.

The Thing Is I'm A Great Believer In The Perfect Moment. They Don't Come Around That Often.

I'm Just Writing What I Know. I've Never Been Much Of A Reader Of Fantasy, And I Think You Write What You, Personally, Enjoy Reading.

Life Shouldn't Be About The Either/or. We're Capable Of More Than That, You Know?

Here Was A Boy Who Liked Flaws, Who Saw Them Not As Failings But As Strengths. Who Knew Such A Person Could Exist, Or What Would Have Happened If We'd Found Each Other Under Different Circumstances? Maybe In A Perfect World. But Not In This One.

But You Don’t Have To Give Everyone The Benefit Of The Doubt.” “you Don’t Have To Assume The Worst About Everyone, Either. The World Isn’t Always Out To Get You.

I Got Back In My Car, Starting The Engine, Then Drove Off. It Wasn't Until I Pulled Onto The Highway That It All Really Sunk It, How Temporary Our Friendship Had Been. We'd Been On Our Breaks, After All, But It Wasn't Our Relationships That Were On Pause: It Was Us. Now We Were Both In Motion Again, Moving Ahead. So What If There Were Questions Left Unanswered. Life Went On. We Knew That Better Than Anyone.

If There's One Thing I've Learned In The Last Few Months, It's That Sometimes You Just Have To Close Your Eyes And Jump.

I'd Chosen Instead To Just Change My Route, Go Miles Out Of The Way, As If Avoiding It Would Make It Go Away Once And For All.

That Was The Hard Thing About Grief, And The Grieving. They Spoke Another Language, And The Words We Knew Always Fell Short Of What We Wanted Them To Say.

Look. We Both Know Life Is Short, Macy. Too Short To Waste A Single Second With Anyone Who Doesn't Appreciate And Value You." You Said The Other Day Life Was Long," I Shot Back. "which Is It?" It's Both," She Said, Shrugging. "it All Depends On How You Choose To Live It. It's Like Forever, Always Changing." Nothing Can Be Two Opposite Things At Once," I Said. "it's Impossible." No," She Replied, Squeezing My Hand, "what's Impossible Is That We Actually Think It Could Be Anything Other Than That.

Okay," I Said, "what's Your Biggest Fear?" As Always, He Took A Second To Think About The Answer. "clowns," He Said. "clowns." "yup." I Just Looked At Him. "what?" He Said, Glancing Over At Me. "that Is Not A Real Answer," I Told Him. "says Who?" "says Me. I Meant A Real Fear, Like Of Failure, Of Death, Of Regret. Like That. Something That Keeps You Awake Nights, Questioning Your Very Existence." He Thought For A Second. "clowns.

What You Have To Decide... Is How You Want Your Life To Be. If Your Forever Was Ending Tomorrow, Would This Be How You'd Want To Have Spent It? Listen, The Truth Is, Nothing Is Guaranteed. You Know That More Than Anybody. So Dont Be Afraid. Be Alive.

I Was Worn Out, Broken: He Had Taken Almost Everything. But He'd Been All I'd Had, All This Time. And When The Police Led Him Away, I Pulled Out Of The Hands Of All These Loved One, Sobbing, Screaming, Everything Hurting, To Try And Make Him Stay.

There Is Never A Time Or Place For True Love. It Happens Accidentally, In A Heartbeat, In A Single Flashing, Throbbing Moment.

Look. We Both Know Life Is Short, Macy. Too Short To Waste A Single Second With Anyone Who Doesn't Appreciate And Value You.

It's Still A Memory Worth Having, Even If It's Not Exactly What You Imagined.

...you Can't Unlearn Something, Even If You Want To. You Know What You Know.

Maybe You Could Go Backwards And Forwards At The Same Time, But It Wasn't Easy. You Had To Want To.

The Basic Fact Is That No, This Isn't Ideal. Very Few Things Are. Sometimes, You Have To Manufacture Your Own History. Give Fate A Push,so To Speak.

And I Wondered If, In The End, This Is How All Disputes Are Settled, With A Shared Silence As Things Become Equal. You Take Something From Me, I Take Something From You. We All Want Balance, One Way Or Another.

N The Dark Everyone Felt The Same: The Edges Blurred. When I Think Of Myself Then, What I Was Like Two Years Ago, I Feel Like A Wound In A Bad Place, Prone To Be Bumped On Corners Or Edges. Never Able To Heal.

And That Was As Far As He Got Before I Heard It. The Thumping Of Footsteps, Running Up The Lawn Toward Me: It Seemed Like I Could Hear It Through The Grass, Like Leaning Your Ear To A Railroad Track And Feeling The Train Coming, Miles Away. As The Noise Got Closer I Could Hear Ragged Breaths, And Then A Voice. It Was My Mother.

What Happened To Goodbye?

Missing Someone

So I Left Him There Alone To Watch History Repeat The Same Events Retold Again And Again On His Own.

Repeating History

The Fate Of Your Heart Is Your Choice And No One Else Gets A Vote

My Books Are So Tame!

But If Something Was Really Important, Fate Made Sure It Somehow Came Back To You And Gave You Another Chance.

You, Have This Whole Tall, Dark Stranger Thing Going On. Not To Mention The Tortured Artist Bit. And You, Have That Whole Blonde Cool And Collected Perfect Smart Thing Going On. You're The Boy All The Girls Want To Rebel With. You, Are The Unattainable Girl In Homeroom Who Never Gives A Guy The Time Of Day.

As Impossible, In Fact, As Keeping The Moon... So I Looked Down The Line At All My Friends, Knowing I Would Always Remember This. And Then I Turned My Gaze Back Up To The Sky, And Put My Faith In That Moon And Its Return.

All I'd Wanted For So Long Was For Someone To Explain Everything That Had Happened To Me In This Same Way. To Label It Neatly On A Page: This Leads To This Leads To This.

Believe In Yourself Up Here And It Will Make You Stronger Than You Could Ever Imagine.

With My Mom, When Someone Was Gone, They Were Gone. She Didn't Waste Another Minute Thinking About Them, And Neither Should You.

So Maybe It Wasn't The Fairy Tale. But Those Stories Weren't Real Anyway. Mine Were.

I Seriously Doubt That The Santa Police Do An Underwear Check." -cora

I Knew I Had To Keep Him To Myself, As I'd Slowly Begun To Keep Everything. We Had Secrets Now, Truths And Half-truths, That Kept Her Always At Arm's Length, Behind A Closed Door, Miles Away.

I Am The Middle Sister. The One In Between. Not Oldest, Not Youngest, Not Boldest, Not Nicest. I Am The Shade Of Gray, The Glass Half Empty Or Full, Depending On Your View. In My Life, There Has Been Little That I Have Done First Or Better Than The One Preceding Or Following Me. Of All Of Us, Though, I Am The Only One Who Has Been Broken.

But When You're Alone In The World, Really Alone, You Have No Choice But To Be Open To Suggestions.

The Mistakes You Make Now Count. Not For Everything, And Not Forever. But They Do Matter, And They Shape You.

It's Always Been Hard To Call Myself A Writer. I Think A Part Of Me Still Thinks It's Too Good To Be True.

Too Good To Be True

Sure, There Was No Guarantee Any Of These Things Would Actually Happen As He Envisioned. But Maybe That Wasn‟t The Point.it Was The Planning That Counted, Whether It Ever Came To Fruition Or Not.

He Just Stood There, Looking At Me, As If I Had Actually Changed Before His Eyes. But This Was The Girl I'd Been All Along. I'd Just Hidden Her Well.

I Just Do The Best I Can Under The Circumstances.

But I'd Long Ago Learned Not To Be Picky In Farewells. They Weren't Guaranteed Or Promised. You Were Lucky, More Than Blessed, If You Got A Good-bye At All.

Because You Have To Just Go With The Flow. Your Life Is Not Your Own, With People Coming In And Out All The Time. You Get Mellow Because You Have To.

Lifestyle Is An Terrible, Unpleasant Put To Not Have A Very Finest Buddy.

How Fast Were You?" Wes Asked Me. I Said, "not That Fast." "you Mean You Couldn't... Fly?" He Said, Smiling At Me.

I Have To Admit, An Unrequited Love Is So Much Better Than A Real One. I Mean, It's Perfect... As Long As Something Is Never Even Started, You Never Have To Worry About It Ending. It Has Endless Potential.

Unrequited Love

Just Because Someone's Pretty, Doesn't Mean She's Decent.

If You Didn't Love Him, This Never Would Have Happened. But You Did. And Accepting That Love And Everything That Followed It Is Part Of Letting It Go.

It Was As Familiar To Me As A Song I'd Been Hearing My Whole Life, Covered By Various People But The Basic Tune The Same.

You're Not Supposed To Have It All Figured Out In High School. If You Knew It All, And It Was The Best, It's All Downhill From There.

But Those Words Were Only The Middle Of The Story. There Was A Beginning Here, Too.

When You Had To Do Something, You Had To Do It. And Eventually, If You Were Lucky, You Did It Well.

So Many Times It Seemed Like There Were Chances To Stop Things Before They Started. Or Even Stop Them In Midstream. But It Was Even Worse When You Knew In That Very Moment That There Was Still Time To Save Yourself, And Yet You Couldn't Even Budge.

It Is Kind Of Hard To Hold A Lot In. But For Me… It’s Sometimes Even Harder To Let It Out.

Harder To Get In Than Out, Like So Little Else.

Family Isnt About Blood Relationships, Its About The Meaning Behind Them. I Relize Now That Sharing Chromosoms Is Not The Only Way To Having A Family, Its About The Friendship Behind It.

It's Okay To Accept Things From People. It Doesn't Make You Weak Or Helpless.

Relationships Dont Always Make Sense. Especially From The Outside

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