Background Image

...

It Is Said That The Queen Has Come To Love The Commonwealth, Partly Because It Supplies Her With Regular Cheering Crowds Of Flag-waving Picaninnies; And One Can Imagine That Blair, Twice Victor Abroad But Enmired At Home, Is Similarly Seduced By Foreign Politeness. They Say He Is Shortly Off To The Congo. No Doubt The Ak47s Will Fall Silent, And The Pangas Will Stop Their Hacking Of Human Flesh, And The Tribal Warriors Will All Break Out In Watermelon Smiles To See The Big White Chief Touch Down In His Big White British Taxpayer-funded Bird.

-Boris Johnson

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

It Is Said That

Boris Johnson

...

It Is Said That The Queen Has Come To Love The Commonwealth, Partly Because It Supplies Her With Regular Cheering Crowds Of Flag-waving Picaninnies; And One Can Imagine That Blair, Twice Victor Abroad But Enmired At Home, Is Similarly Seduced By Foreign Politeness. They Say He Is Shortly Off To The Congo. No Doubt The Ak47s Will Fall Silent, And The Pangas Will Stop Their Hacking Of Human Flesh, And The Tribal Warriors Will All Break Out In Watermelon Smiles To See The Big White Chief Touch Down In His Big White British Taxpayer-funded Bird.

Views: 4

Topic

More From Boris Johnson

In 1904, 20 Per Cent Of Journeys Were Made By Bicycle In London. I Want To See A Figure Like That Again. If You Can't Turn The Clock Back To 1904, What's The Point Of Being A Conservative?

Dark Forces Dragged Me Away From The Keyboard, Swirling Forces Of Irresistible Intensity And Power.

The Volunteering Spirit Of Londoners Is Part Of What Makes This The Best Big City On Earth.

I Firmly Believe That Volunteering Is Good For Our Society And Brings Communities Together. It's A Fantastic Opportunity To Get Involved In Your Local Community, To Meet New People And To Gain A Sense Of Pride And Achievement.

These Days We Dimly Believe That The Second World War Was Won With Russian Blood And American Money; And Though That Is In Some Ways True, It Is Also True That, Without Churchill, Hitler Would Almost Certainly Have Won.

I'm A One-nation Tory.

I Would Ban Sweets From School - But This Pressure To Bring In Healthy Food Is Too Much.

The Crucial Thing Is To Look In An Informed Way At What's Going On. Look At The Way In Which We Are Forced By Our Imbalanced System To Push Away People Who Might Contribute Mightily To The Nhs.

When My Father Began His Work In The 1970s It Was A Very Different Eu. I Pay Tribute To What He Did. But It Has Now Become A Very Different Proposition: The United States Of Europe.

My Friends, As I Have Discovered Myself, There Are No Disasters, Only Opportunities. And, Indeed, Opportunities For Fresh Disasters.

My Point Is That This Potter Business Has Legs. It Will Run And Run, And We Must Be Utterly Mad, As A Country, To Leave It To The Americans To Make Money From A Great British Invention. I Appeal To The Children Of This Country And To Their Potter-fiend Parents To Write To Warner Bros And Universal, And Perhaps, Even, To The Great J K Herself. Bring Harry Home To Britain-and If You Want A Site With Less Rainfall Than Rome, With Excellent Public Transport, And Strong Connections To Harry Potter, I Have Just The Place.

As A Scot Gordon Brown Will Find It Hard To Convince People In England He Should Be Prime Minister.

Humanity Would Have Plunged Into A New Dark Age Of Absolutely Frightening And Appalling Characteristics Without Churchill.

The Mayors Fund For London Will Be A Streamlined Vehicle For Getting Money From The Wealth Creating Sector To Communities Across London That Are Facing Hardship And Deprivation And Are The Victims Of Crime.

This Is A Super Masticated Subject, And It Is Time To Spit It Out.

The Lib Dems Are Not Just Empty. They Are A Void Within A Vacuum Surrounded By A Vast Inanition.

Our Friends In America Will Be At The Front Of The Queue For Trade Deals.

Some People Play The Piano, Some Do Sudoku, Some Watch Television, Some People Go Out To Dinner Parties. I Write Books.

I Have Not Been More Robust Towards Female Rather Than Male Assembly Members And I Do Not Believe I Have Been Remotely Sexist.

You Know, Sometimes I Don't Understand What's Wrong With Us. This Is Just About The Most Creative And Imaginative Country On Earth—and Yet Sometimes We Just Don't Seem To Have The Gumption To Exploit Our Intellectual Property. We Split The Atom, And Now We Have To Get French Or Korean Scientists To Help Us Build Nuclear Power Stations. We Perfected The Finest Cars On Earth—and Now Rolls-royce Is In The Hands Of The Germans. Whatever We Invent, From The Jet Engine To The Internet, We Find That Someone Else Carts It Off And Makes A Killing From It Elsewhere.

If We Judged Everybody By The Stupid, Unguarded Things They Blurt Out To Their Nearest And Dearest, Then We Wouldn't Ever Get Anywhere.

All The People I Talk To, Increasingly, Can See That The Emperor Has Got No Clothes. The Case For Leaving [the Eu] Is Now Overwhelming.

My Chances Of Being Pm Are About As Good As The Chances Of Finding Elvis On Mars, Or My Being Reincarnated As An Olive.

[people] Are Woefully Underestimating This Country And What It Can Achieve.

My Policy On Cake Is Pro Having It And Pro Eating It.

It Is Easy To Make Promises - It Is Hard Work To Keep Them.

Ping-pong Was Invented On The Dining Tables Of England In The 19th Century, And It Was Called Wiff-waff! And There, I Think, You Have The Difference Between Us And The Rest Of The World. Other Nations, The French, Looked At A Dining Table And Saw An Opportunity To Have Dinner; We Looked At It An Saw An Opportunity To Play Wiff-waff.

This Is Our Chance To Build A Britain Where Everyone Benefits From The Success Of The Economy.

Yes, Cannabis Is Dangerous, But No More Than Other Perfectly Legal Drugs. It's Time For A Rethink, And The Tory Party - The Funkiest, Most Jiving Party On Earth - Is Where It's Happening.

Andrea Leadsom, I Think, Has All The Qualities That You Need At The Moment. She's Got A Lot Of Zap, A Lot Of Drive, And All The Experience. Plus I Think She Can Articulate What's Needed At The Moment, Which Is A Bit Of An Antidote To Some Of The Gloom And Negativity And Misunderstanding About What The Brexit Vote Means.

Churchill Decides From Very Early On That He Will Create A Political Position That Is Somehow Above Left And Right, Embodying The Best Points Of Both Sides And Thereby Incarnating The Will Of The Nation. He Thinks Of Himself As A Gigantic Keystone In The Arch, With All The Lesser Stones Logically Induced To Support His Position. He Has A Kind Of Semi-ideology To Go With It - A Leftish Toryism: Imperialist, Romantic, But On The Side Of The Working Man.

There Is Absolutely No One, Apart From Yourself, Who Can Prevent You, In The Middle Of The Night, From Sneaking Down To Tidy Up The Edges Of That Hunk Of Cheese At The Back Of The Fridge.

Since January 1993 There Have Been 27 Other Countries Not In The Eu That Have Done Better Than The Uk At Exporting Goods Into The Single Market.

We Need To Look At Our Nannying, Mollycoddled, Politically Correct Culture In My View, Which Stops Kids From Going Out And Playing Competitive Sport. I Also Think We Need To Look At The Shear Fatness Of The Regulations Which Control People Who Want To Help Kids Play Sport.

David Lloyd George Had Been To Germany, And Been So Dazzled By The Führer That He Compared Him To George Washington. Hitler Was A 'born Leader', Declared The Befuddled Former British Prime Minister. He Wished That Britain Had 'a Man Of His Supreme Quality At The Head Of Affairs In Our Country Today'. This From The Hero Of The First World War! The Man Who Had Led Britain To Victory Over The Kaiser!

I Cant Remember What My Line On Drugs Is. Whats My Line On Drugs?

I'm Afraid Sadiq Khan Is Completely Wrong. The European Court Of Justice Is The Supreme Legal Authority In Our Country.

Remind Me: Who Was The Greater Mass Murderer, Stalin Or Hitler? Well, Stalin Is Thought To Have Been Responsible For About 50 Million Deaths, And Hitler For A Mere 25 Million. What Hitler Did In His Concentration Camps Was Equalled If Not Exceeded In Foulness By The Soviet Gulags, Forced Starvation And Pogroms. What Makes The Achievements Of Communist Russia So Special And Different, That You Can Simper Around In A Cccp T-shirt, While Anyone Demented Enough To Wear Anything Commemorating The Third Reich Would Be Speedily Banged Away Under The 1986 Public Order Act?

We Need To Remember That We Can't Compete Endlessly With Other Nations That Set Their Income Taxes Substantially Lower Than Ours. They Will Attract Jobs, And Investment. They May Generate More Tax - And They May Even Persuade Their Tennis Champs To Run That Extra Half Yard

Hitler Showed The Evil That Could Be Done By The Art Of Rhetoric. Churchill Showed How It Could Help To Save Humanity.

The Only Reason I Wouldn't Go To Some Parts Of New York Is The Real Risk Of Meeting Donald Trump.

So I'm Definitely In Favour Of Stimulating The Dynamic Wealth Creation Sectors Of The Economy.

Wealth Creation

When Cameron's Conservatives Come To Power It Will Be A Golden Age For Cyclists And An Elysium Of Cycle Lanes, Bike Racks, And Sharia Law For Bike Thieves. And I Hope That Cycling In London Will Become Almost Chinese In Its Ubiquity.

I Think It Is Going To Be Wonderful. I Went To The Paralympics In Beijing And Have Seen How Brilliant The Sport Is At First Hand. People Are Going To Love It. It Is Going To Change People's Attitudes To Paralympians And It Is Going To Be A Great Show.

The Job Of Mayor Of London Is Unbelievably Taxing, Particularly In The Run-up To The Olympics.

You Are Part Of Our Great British Family.

London Is The Sporting Capital Of The World. I Say To The Chinese And I Say To The World, Ping Pong Is Coming Home.

Try As I Might, I Could Not Look At An Overhead Projection Of A Growth Profit Matrix And Stay Conscious.

Churchill Knew Instinctively What Was Wrong With Communism - That It Repressed Liberty; That It Replaced Individual Discretion With State Control; That It Entailed The Curtailment Of Democracy, And Therefore That It Was Tyrannous.

I Think It'd Be Disgraceful If A Chap Wasn't Allowed To Have A Bit Of Fun In Las Vegas. The Real Scandal Would Be If You Went To Vegas And You Didn't Misbehave In Some Trivial Way.

I Have Come To The Conclusion That Tony Blair Has Finally Gone Mad ... He Made Assertions That Are So Jaw-droppingly And Breathtakingly At Variance With Reality That He Surely Needs Professional Psychiatric Help.

The Dreadful Truth Is That When People Come To See Their Mp, They Have Run Out Of Better Ideas.

I Want To Offer Particular Congratulations To Andrea Leadsom On Her Stunning Achievement. She Is Now Well Placed To Win And Replace The Absurd Gloom In Some Quarters With A Positive, Confident And Optimistic Approach, Not Just To Europe, But To Government All Round.

Congratulations

The Meat In The Sausage Has Got To Be Conservative.

It Was The Kind Of Blind, Gulping, Insensate Greed That You Associate With Some Milk-eyed Creature In A Volcanic Fissure At The Bottom Of The Marianas Trench-an Organism With No Understanding Of The Existence, Let Alone The Feelings, Of Other Members Of The Ecosystem.

I Dont See Why People Are So Snooty About Channel Five. It Has Some Respectable Documentaries About The Second World War. It Also Devotes Considerable Airtime To Investigations Into Lap-dancing, And Other Related And Vital Subjects

I Am Hoping Very Much To Get Re-elected But It Is Going To Be A Tough Fight.

Do You Seriously Propose That They Are Going To Be So Insane As To Allow Tariffs To Be Imposed. The Eu Is, I'm Afraid A Job Destroying Engine. You Can See It All Across Southern Europe, You Can See It, Alas, In Our Country.

We Should Celebrate Immigrants And Everything They Do For Our Country.

My Speaking Style Was Criticised By No Less An Authority Than Arnold Schwarzenegger. It Was A Low Moment, My Friends, To Have My Rhetorical Skills Denounced By A Monosyllabic Austrian Cyborg.

My Ideal World Is, We're There, We're In The Eu, Trying To Make It Better.

He Is The Resounding Human Rebuttal To All Marxist Historians Who Think History Is The Story Of Vast And Impersonal Economic Forces. The Point Of The Churchill Factor Is That One Man Can Make All The Difference.

The Geiger-counter Of Olympomania Is Going To Go Zoink Off The Scale.

London Olympics

I Think It's Absolutely Amazing And How The Remain Side Have The Cheek To Come And Tell Us That We Improve Our Security By Staying In This Organisation I Do Not Understand.

I Am Supporting David Cameron Purely Out Of Cynical Self-interest.

It Just Happens I Write Fast And Always Have Done.

I Want You To Know That I Have Nothing Against Orlando, Though You Are, Of Course, Far More Likely To Get Shot Or Robbed There Than In London.

The Next Tory Leader Would Have To Unify His Party And Ensure That Britain Stood Tall In The World.

I Think I Was Once Given Cocaine But I Sneezed So It Didn't Go Up My Nose. In Fact, It May Have Been Icing Sugar.

He Is Like Some Sherry-crazed Old Dowager Who Has Lost The Family Silver At Roulette, And Who Now Decides To Double Up By Betting The House As Well.

Life Isn't Like Coursework, Baby. It's One Damn Essay Crisis After Another.

I Don't Believe That Economic Equality Is Possible; Indeed Some Measure Of Inequality Is Essential For The Spirit Of Envy And Keeping Up With The Joneses That Is, Like Greed, A Valuable Spur To Economic Activity.

Never In My Life Did I Think I Would Be Congratulated By Mick Jagger For Achieving Anything.

We Did Everything We Could To Break Down Barriers That Restrain Poorest.

Voting Tory Will Cause Your Wife To Have Bigger Breasts And Increase Your Chances Of Owning A Bmw M3.

The Difference Between Hitler's Speeches And Churchill's Speeches Was That Hitler Made You Think He Could Do Anything; Churchill Made You Think You Could Do Anything.

It Hasn't Taken Them Long, They Began By Telling Us They Would Have A Positive And Patriotic Case And They're Back To Project Fear Within Minutes. There They Go Again They Have Nothing Positive To Say.

It Is Possible To Have A Pretty Good Life And Career Being A Leech And A Parasite In The Media World, Gadding About From Tv Studio To Tv Studio, Writing Inconsequential Pieces And Having A Good Time.

I'd Like Thousands Of Schools As Good As The One I Went To, Eton.

It Is Said That The Queen Has Come To Love The Commonwealth, Partly Because It Supplies Her With Regular Cheering Crowds Of Flag-waving Picaninnies; And One Can Imagine That Blair, Twice Victor Abroad But Enmired At Home, Is Similarly Seduced By Foreign Politeness. They Say He Is Shortly Off To The Congo. No Doubt The Ak47s Will Fall Silent, And The Pangas Will Stop Their Hacking Of Human Flesh, And The Tribal Warriors Will All Break Out In Watermelon Smiles To See The Big White Chief Touch Down In His Big White British Taxpayer-funded Bird.

I Want To Win And I Want To Be In Office.

I Think The Risks That People See Of Terrorism Are Incredibly Important But We Are Very Confident We Have Got The Right People On It And The Risks Have Been Minimised.

We Celebrate The Contribution Of People Who Have Come To This Country To Make It Better.

I Want London To Be A Competitive, Dynamic Place To Come To Work.

I Lead A Life Of Blameless Domesticity And Always Have Done.

I'm No Communist.i'm A Tax Cutting Conservative. But I Want A Capitalism That Is Fairer To Forgotten People.

But If People Want To Swim In The Thames, If They Want To Take Their Lives Into Their Own Hands, Then They Should Be Able To Do So With All The Freedom And Exhilaration Of Our Woad-painted Ancestors.

London Is A Fantastic Creator Of Jobs - But Many Of These Jobs Are Going To People Who Don't Originate In This Country.

If Gay Marriage Was Ok ... Then I Saw No Reason In Principle Why A Union Should Not Be Consecrated Between Three Men, As Well As Two Men; Or Indeed Three Men And A Dog.

Nothing Excites Compassion, In Friend And Foe Alike, As Much As The Sight Of You Ker-splonked On The Tarmac With Your Propeller Buried Six Feet Under.

Volunteering Is Also Now More Crucial Than Ever In Helping People Find Work.

I Love Tennis With A Passion. I Challenged Boris Becker To A Match Once And He Said He Was Up For It But He Never Called Back. I Bet I Could Make Him Run Around.

I Have As Much Chance Of Becoming Prime Minister As Of Being Decapitated By A Frisbee Or Of Finding Elvis.

I Love Swimming In Rivers, And Well Remember Once Jumping In At Chiswick.

It Is Just Flipping Unbelievable. He Is A Mixture Of Harry Houdini And A Greased Piglet. He Is Barely Human In His Elusiveness. Nailing Blair Is Like Trying To Pin Jelly To A Wall.

Some People Think That It [brexit] Is The End Of The World. It's Not. On The Contrary, It's A Massive Opportunity For This Country.

Can I Say Anything Good About Ken Livingstone? A Long Time Ago He Did Some Good Things, But I Can't Now Remember What Any Of Them Were.

This Is Not A Time To Quail, It Is Not A Crisis, Nor Should We See It As An Excuse For Wobbling Or Self-doubt. But It Is A Moment For Hope...

Trending Author

Daphne Guinness

Lee H. Hamilton

Kingman Brewster, Jr.

Category