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It Has Been Said That The Hardest Job In The World Is Raising A Child, But The People Who Says This Have Probably Never Worked At A Comb Factory Or Captured Pirates On The High Seas.

-Daniel Handler

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It Has Been Said

Daniel Handler

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It Has Been Said That The Hardest Job In The World Is Raising A Child, But The People Who Says This Have Probably Never Worked At A Comb Factory Or Captured Pirates On The High Seas.

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Arguing With Somebody Is Never Pleasant, But Sometimes It Is Useful And Necessary To Do So.

-most People Would Say That She's Beautiful. -that's Because She's Been With Most People.

You May Be Right,' She Said, A Phrase Which Here Meant 'i’m Wrong, But I Don’t Have The Courage To Say So.

I Do What I Do," I Said, "in Order To Do Something Else.

It Is Always Terrible To Be Told To Go Play With People One Doesn't Know.

The Thing With Your Heart's Desire Is That Your Heart Doesn't Even Know What It Desires Until It Turns Up.

Off With You" Is A Phrase Used By People Who Lack The Curtesy To Say Something More Polite, Such As, "if There's Nothing Else You Require I Must Be Going" Or "i'm Sorry But I'm Going To Have To Ask You To Leave, Please" Or Even "excuse Me But I Believe You Have Mistaken My Home For Your Own And My Valuable Belongings For Yours And I Must Ask You To Return The Items In Question To Me And Leave My Home After Untying Me From This Chair, As I'm Unable To Do It Myself, If It's Not Too Much Trouble.

It Is Very Easy To Say That The Important Thing Is To Try Your Best, But If You Are In Real Trouble The Most Important Thing Is Not Trying Your Best, But Getting To Safety.

If You Have Ever Had A Miserable Experience, Then You Have Probably Had It Said To You That You Would Feel Better In The Morning. This, Of Course, Is Utter Nonsense, Because A Miserable Experience Remains A Miserable Experience Even On The Loveliest Of Morning.

There Is No Way Of Knowing For Sure Whether Or Not You Can Trust Someone, For The Simple Reason That Circumstances Change All Of The Time.

I Decided That It Might Be Interesting To Have Terrible Things Happen To Orphans Over And Over Again.

They Say Love's Like A Bus, And If You Wait Long Enough Another One Will Come Along, But Not In This Place Where The Buses Are Slow And Most Of The Cute Ones Are Gay.

You May Want To Keep A Commonplace Book Which Is A Notebook Where You Can Copy Parts Of Books You Think Are In Code, Or Take Notes On A Series Of Events You May Have Observed That Are Suspicious, Unfortunate, Or Very Dull. Keep Your Commonplace Book In A Safe Place, Such As Underneath Your Bed, Or At A Nearby Dairy.

People Don't Always Get What They Deserve In This World.

He Looked Like The Sort Of Person Who Would Tell You That He Did Not Have An Umbrella To Lend You When He Actually Had Several And Simply Wanted To See You Get Soaked.

We Weren't Friends[...]we Were More Like Jigsaw Pieces, Each Of Us Part Of The Same Big Picture. There Are People Like This Wherever You Go. They Are Part Of The Same Mystery As You Are, But You Can't Quite Tell How You Fit Together. The World Is A Puzzle, And We Can't Solve It Alone.

Maybe, Generations Ago, Young People Rebelled Out Of Some Clear Motive, But Now, We Know We're Rebelling. Between Teen Movies And Sex-ed Textbooks We're So Ready For Our Rebellious Phase We Can't Help But Feel It's Safe, Contained. It Will Turn Out All Right, Despite The Risk, Snug In The Shell Of Rebellion Narrative. Rebellion Narrative, Does That Make Sense? It Was Appropriate To Do, So We Did It.

It Is Difficult, When Faced With A Situation You Cannot Control, To Admit You Can Do Nothing.

No Reality Has The Power To Dispel A Dream.

I Think Pirates, Like Astronauts, Particularly For A Boy, Are Always Kind Of Worth Thinking About.

It Seems To Me That Oftentimes In Young Relationships Once There's A Problem Of Some Significance Then It's Almost Like They're Both Racing For The Dumper Buzzer.

In Times Of Extreme Stress, One Can Often Find Energy Hidden In Even The Most Exhausted Areas Of The Body.

And Then Like A Song We'd Forgotten Was Even On The Mix, You Stepped Into The House And My Whole Life.

I Had This Idea About Terrible Things Happening To Orphans, And I Knew It Was Such A Horrible Idea That The Idea Of Writing It Down And Then Submitting It Professionally Was Obviously Absurd.

But The Law Is An Odd Thing. For Instance, One Country In Europe Has A Law That Requires All Its Bakers To Sell Bread At The Exact Same Price. A Certain Island Has A Law That Forbids Anyone From Removing Its Fruit. And A Town Not Too Far From Where You Live Has A Law That Bars Me From Coming Within Five Miles Of Its Borders.

Labor Day Is A Holiday Honoring Those Who Work For A Living. Laborious Day Is A Lesser Known Holiday Honoring Those Who Cannot Stop Talking About Their Work.

It Is Very Difficult To Make One's Way In This World Without Being Wicked At One Time Or Another, When The World's Way Is So Wicked To Being With.

In Love, As In Life, One Misheard Word Can Be Tremendously Important. If You Tell Someone You Love Them, For Instance, You Must Be Absolutely Certain That They Have Replied "i Love You Back" And Not "i Love Your Back" Before You Continue The Conversation.

Someone You Love

Knowing That Something Is Wrong And Doing It Anyway Happens Very Often In Life, And I Doubt I Will Ever Know Why.

In This Book, Not Only Is There No Happy Ending, There Is No Happy Beginning And Very Few Happy Things In The Middle.

Normally It Is Not Polite To Go Into Somebody’s Room Without Knocking, But You Can Make An Exception If The Person Is Dead, Or Pretending To Be Dead.

Boredom Is Not Black Licorice, Snicket," She Said. "there's No Reason To Share It With Me.

With A Library It Is Easier To Hope For Serendipity Than To Look For A Precise Answer.

I Was Stupid, The Official Descriptive Phrase For Happy.

There Are Some Who Say That Sitting At Home Reading Is The Equivalent Of Travel, Because The Experiences Described In The Book Are More Or Less The Same As The Experiences One Might Have On A Voyages, And There Are Those Who Say That There Is No Substitute For Venturing Out Into The World. My Own Opinion Is That It Is Best To Travel Extensively But To Read The Entire Time, Hardly Glancing Up To Look Out Of The Window Of The Airplane, Train, Or Hired Camel.

I First Told The Idea To An Editor I Had Met Who, After Reading One Of My Novels For Adults That Was Set In A High School, Had An Idea That I Might Write Something For Children.

I Am Heartbroken, But I Have Been Heartbroken Before, And This Might Be The Best For Which I Can Hope.

The Last Safe Place Is Safe No More.

Today Was A Very Cold And Bitter Day, As Cold And Bitter As A Cup Of Hot Chocolate, If The Cup Of Hot Chocolate Had Vinegar Added To It And Were Placed In A Refrigerator For Several Hours.

I Think If I Were Walking Someplace And I Saw A Corpse My Brain Would Tell Me It Was A Million Things Before I Believed It Was A Corpse.

Twenty-six,” You Said. “one For Each Day We’ve Been Together, Min.”somebody Oohed. Somebody Shushed Them. “and I Hope That Someday I’ll Do Another Something Stupid And I’ll Have To Say It A Million Times Because That’s How Long It’ll Be, Together With You, Min. With You.

Is It Ok Not To Be A Virgin, Yes. Most People Aren’t Virgins, Min. That’s Why There’s People To Begin With.

Blinded Following The Blindfolded

So Every So Often, When I Meet Someone Who's Honestly Appalled By My Books And Doesn't Understand Why They Would Be Attractive To People... I Find Such People Sort Of Charming, Even Though They Usually Don't Like Me.

It Is Terribly Rude To Tell People That Their Troubles Are Boring.

There Are Two Good Reasons To Put Your Napkin In Your Lap. One Is That Food Might Spill In Your Lap, And It Is Better To Stain The Napkin Than Your Clothing. The Other Is That It Can Serve As A Perfect Hiding Place. Practically Nobody Is Nosey Enough To Take The Napkin Off A Lap To See What Is Hidden There.

Take Back The Smile And The Night, Take It All Back, I Wish I Could.

For Beatrice, Our Love Broke My Heart, And Stopped Yours.

I Can See It, Ed, I Leaned Deeper Into You, Felt You Nodding Along With The Sounds In The Room, And Your Warmth Signaled Through To Me From Under Your Shirt, Lovely Strong, Safe And Right.

But We Can Also Ask For Something We Are Much More Likely To Get, And That Is To Find A Person Or Two, Somewhere In Our Travels, Who Will Tell Us That We Are Noble Enough, Whether It Is True Or Not. We Can Ask For Someone Who Will Say, “you Are Noble Enough,” And Remind Us Of Our Good Qualities When We Have Forgotten Them, Or Cast Them Into Doubt.

That Night Was A Dark Day. Of Course, All Nights Are Dark Days, Because Night Is Simply A Badly Lit Version Of Day.

Either You Have The Feeling Or You Don't. Hawk Davies

But One Type Of Book That Practically No One Likes To Read Is A Book About The Law. Books About The Law Are Notorious For Being Very Long, Very Dull, And Very Difficult To Read. This Is One Reason Many Lawyers Make Heaps Of Money. The Money Is An Incentive - The Word "incentive" Here Means "an Offered Reward To Persuade You To Do Something You Don't Want To Do - To Read Long, Dull, And Difficult Books.

You Must Be All A-tingle With Excitement.' 'i Guess So,' I Said, But I Did Not Feel A-tingle. I Did Not Feel A-anything.

Nobody Wants To Fall Into A Safety Net, Because It Means The Structure In Which They've Been Living Is In A State Of Collapse And They Have No Choice But To Tumble Downwards. However, It Beats The Alternative.

I Often Can't Remember Which Scenes Are And Aren't In The Final Product, Because I Saw So Many Different Versions Of The Lemony Snicket That I Forget Which Ended Up On The Cutting-room Floor.

Money Is Like A Child—rarely Unaccompanied. When It Disappears, Look To Those Who Were Supposed To Be Keeping An Eye On It While You Were At The Grocery Store. You Might Also Look For Someone Who Has A Lot Of Extra Children Sitting Around, With Long, Suspicious Explanations For How They Got There.

It Is Not Very Polite To Interrupt A Person, Of Course, But Sometimes If The Person Is Very Unpleasant You Can Hardly Stop Yourself.

I’m Happier Than A Pig Eating Bacon!

A Mystery Is Solved With A Story.

The Moral Of Snow White Is Never Eat Apples.

Are You Who I Think You Are?

Daniel Handler's A Writer, Musician And The Author Of, Among Other Things, The "series Of Unfortunate Events" Books. He Also Wrote The Tv Version Of The Books That Is Available Now On Netflix. As Said, I Recommend Both Media For This Story.

The Way Sadness Works Is One Of The Strangest Riddles Of The World.

[i]t Was The Color Of Someone Buying You An Ice Cream Cone For No Reason At All.

Sometimes, Even The Best Of Plans Will Occur To You When It Is Too Late.

The Miracle Is The Adverbs, The Way Things Are Done.

I've Never Had A Musical Career. So I Think It's Been Unaffected. I Play The Accordion. In Terms Of Thinking Of It As A Musical Career, I Think It's Sort Of Like Calling Yourself An Astronaut Because You Have A Shiny Suit.

I Wrote A Comedy, Which Hopefully [rick Director] Curtiss Clayton Will Bring To The Screen, That I Thought Was The Antithesis Of All My Work. I Thought It Was Light And Sunshiny, And Mr. Clayton Reminded Me That It Is The Story Of A Woman Kidnapped And Forced To Do Things Against Her Will, Which Is Not What Most People Think Of As Light And Sunshiny.

You'd Think That Sweet Would Be A Land Far, Far Away From Irritating, But As It Turns Out They're Right Next Door, And Always Having Border Disputes.

Anyone Who Gives You A Cinnamon Roll Fresh Out Of The Oven Is A Friend For Life.

Friends For Life

One Wanders Through Life As If Wandering Through A Field In The Dark Of Night, Wearing A Blindfold And Very Heavy Shoes, With A Poisonous Toad Waiting Patiently Beneath A Clump Of Weeds, Knowing Full Well That Eventually You Will Step On Him.

Strange As It May Seem, I Still Hope For The Best, Even Though The Best, Like An Interesting Piece Of Mail, So Rarely Arrives, And Even When It Does It Can Be Lost So Easily.

I Always Think It's Silly When People Talk About Works Of Culture Taking Risks. Because There's Not Any Risk Involved.

I Never Thought About Whether Film Is Inherently More Sincere, Because Certainly I Think If Guy Maddin Had Directed A Series Of Unfortunate Events, There Probably Could Have Been More Of The Stage-y Irony That Is In The Books. But I Was Just Interested To See What People Would Do With It, And Worrying That Brad Silberling Wouldn't Do What I Had In Mind.

Back In The Late '90s, A Writer Named Daniel Handler Decided That Kids Books Were Too Cheerful. I Mean, All The "harry Potter" Series Did Was Occasionally Kill Off Major Characters. Thus Was Born "a Series Of Unfortunate Events" And Its Mysterious Author, Lemony Snicket. "a Series Of Unfortunate Events" Is Now A Great New Series On Netflix.

Never Mind What My Name Is,” The Man Said. “no One Can Pronounce It Anyway. Just Call Me Sir.

This Is Love, And The Trouble With It: It Can Make You Embarrassed. Love Is Really Liking Someone A Whole Lot And Not Wanting To Screw That Up. Everybody's Chewed Over This. This Unites Us, This Part Of Love.

And When Love Is Over When The Diner Of Love Seems Closed From The Outside You Want All Those Hours Back Along With Anything You Left At The Lover’s House And Maybe A Couple Of Things Which Aren’t Technically Yours On The Grounds That You Wasted A Portion Of Your Life And Those Hours Have All Gone Southside.

You Should Never Stick Something That You Are Allergic To Into Your Mouth, Especially If That Thing Is Cats.

Death Is Something You Cannot Escape, Such As Death, Or A Cheesecake That Has Curdled, Both Of Which Always Turn Up Sooner Later.

How Did You Do That?” Mr. Poe Asked. “nice Girls Shouldn’t Know How To Do Such Things.” “my Sister Is A Nice Girl,” Klaus Said, “and She Knows How To Do All Sorts Of Things.

For Beatrice- My Love For You Shall Live Forever. You, However, Did Not.

My Love For You

Figuratively, They Escaped From Cout Olaf And Their Miserable Existence. They Did Not Literally Escape, Because They Were Still In His House And Vulnerable To Olaf's Evil In Loco Parentis Ways.

Is It Useful To Feel Fear, Because It Prepares You For Nasty Events, Or Is It Useless, Because Nasty Events Will Occur Whether You Are Frightened Or Not?

The Whole Thing Of What I’ve Been Trying,” You Said, “is That You’re Different, And You Keep Asking About The Other Girls, But What I Mean Is That I Don’t Think About Them, Because Of The Way You Are.

What Happens In A Certain Place Can Stain Your Feelings For That Location, Just As Ink Can Stain A White Sheet.

It Was A Curious Feeling, That Something Could Be So Close And So Distant At The Same Time.

I Wrote Rick Before I Was Published, And I Had No Vision Of It, Really. It Was Just A Story That Occurred To Me, And That Put Its Little Claws In My Brain, And I Wrote It, And I Showed It To A Couple People, And They All Said, "this Is Ghastly."

I Waited Just To See You At That Kind Of Peace, I Wanted To Be Beside You, I Wanted You To Wake Up Slowly Or Startle, Or Just Half Awaken And Turn Over Or Murmur My Name. I Wanted To Watch You Forever, Or Sleep Beside You Forever, Or Sleep Forever While You Woke And Watched Me, Something Forever Anyway. I Wanted To Kiss You, Rumple Your Hair, Rest Three Fingertips On Your Hip Bone Warm And Smooth, Wake You That Way Or Hush You Back To Sleep.

Miracles Are Like Meatballs, Because Nobody Can Exactly Agree On What They Are Made Of, Where They Come From, Or How Often They Should Appear.

You Know I Want To Be A Director, But You Could Never Truly See The Movies In My Head And That, Ed, Is Why We Broke Up.

Never Look A Gift Lion In The Mouth.

But It's Far Too Late For Us; Ring, Hair, Letters, Photographs - All Traces Of Our Love Will Be Scattered Then, Like An Anagram.

Who Are You?" Violet Asked. It Is Confusing To Fall Asleep In The Daytime And Wake Up At Night. "what Are You Doing With Uncle Monty's Reptiles?" Klaus Asked. It Is Also Confusing To Realize You Have Been Sleeping On Stairs, Rather Than In A Bed Or Sleeping Bag. "dixnik?" Sunny Asked. It Is Always Confusing Why Anyone Would Choose To Wear A Plaid Shirt.

Love Was In The Air, So Both Of Us Walked Through Love On Our Way To The Corner.

In The Secret Pocket, She Often Kept A Small Pocket Dictionary, Which She Would Take Out Whenever She Encountered A Word She Did Not Know.

Siblings That Say They Never Fight Are Most Definitely Hiding Something

Hiding Something

Any Playlist Without Prince Is No Friend Of Mine.

The Movie Was Kickass, Which Was Appropriate, Because Tonight It Was Called Kickass: The Movie.

Everybody Will Die, But Very Few People Want To Be Reminded Of That Fact.

There Are Some Things We Might Not Know,but That Doesnt Mean We Should Give Up.we Can Find Out What We Need To Know.we Can Find Out Everything

When You Need A Haircut, It Looks Like You Have No One To Take Care Of You.

My General Writing Preface Is To Write An Outline And Then Ignore About Half Of It, Both On A Micro Level With The Individual Book, And On A Macro Level With The Series As A Whole, And That's Pretty Much What's Happened.

If You Are Trying To Fool A Farsighted Or Dimwitted Person, A Veiled Facial Disguise Might Be Enough.

It Is My Fate That Some Of My Questions Will Never Be Answered.

I Write Storys To Entertain Not To Be The Best

If You Have Ever Slept In A Covered Casserole Dish On The Highest Peak Of A Mountain Range, Then You Know That It Is An Uncomfortable Place To Lay One's Head, Even If You Find A Dish Towel Inside It That Can Serve As A Blanket.

Mountain Ranges

How Do You Do?" Said Violet. "how Do You Do?" Said Klaus. "odo Yow!" Said Sunny.

It Is Almost As If Happiness Is An Acquired Taste, Like Coconut Cordial Or Ceviche, To Which You Can Eventually Become Accustomed, But Despair Is Something Surprising Each Time You Encounter It.

Fate Is Like A Strange, Unpopular Restaurant Filled With Odd Little Waiters Who Bring You Things You Never Asked For And Don't Always Like.

Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What Is The Best Way To Keep A Secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell It To Everyone You Know, But Pretend You Are Kidding.

It Is Always Sad When Someone Leaves Home, Unless They Are Simply Going Around The Corner And Will Return In A Few Minutes With Ice-cream Sandwiches.

There Are Some Secrets You Want To Keep To Yourself, Even If They Don't Matter. They Might Only Matter If You Keep Them Secret.

It Is A Miracle If You Can Find True Friends, And It Is A Miracle If You Have Enough Food To Eat, And It Is A Miracle If You Get To Spend Your Days And Evenings Doing Whatever It Is You Like To Do, And The Holiday Season - Like All The Other Seasons - Is A Good Time Not Only To Tell Stories Of Miracles, But To Think About The Miracles In Your Own Life, And To Be Grateful For Them, And That's The End Of This Particular Story.

It Is Likely I Will Die Next To A Pile Of Things I Was Meaning To Read.

I Don't Know If You've Ever Noticed This, But First Impressions Are Often Entirely Wrong.

First Impression

Wrong Impression

Of Course I'm Trying To Trick You! That's The Way Of The World, Baudelaires. Everyone Runs Around With Their Secrets And Their Schemes, Trying To Outwit Everyone Else.

Waiting Is One Of Life’s Hardships.

I’d Ruin Any Day, All My Days, For Those Long Nights With You, And I Did.

Every Problem Has A Solution. Sometimes It Just Takes A Long Time To Find The Solution - Even If It's Right In Front Of Your Nose.

I Will Love You As The Iceberg Loves The Ship, And The Passengers Love The Lifeboat And The Lifeboat Loves The Teeth Of The Sperm Whale, And The Sperm Whale Loves The Flavor Of Naval Uniforms.

No Matter Who You Are, No Matter Where You Live, And No Matter How Many People Are Chasing You, What You Don't Read Is Often As Important As What You Do Read.

Every New Promise Was Like Something Heavy I Had To Carry, With No Place To Put Anything Down.

The Children Of This World And The Adults Of This World Are In Entirely Separate Boats And Only Drift Near Each Other When We Need A Ride From Someone Or When Someone Needs Us To Wash Our Hands.

One Has To Adopt A Sort Of Zen Calm, In Which You Know You Wrote The Best Book That You Could At The Time.

If He’s Not Gay And He Hung Out With You The Whole Time, He Wanted To Be. It’s Boyfriend Or Want To Be Boyfriend Or I Guess Gay. Those Are The Choices.

I Love No One But You, I Have Discovered, But You Are Far Away And I Am Here Alone.

Long Distance Relationship

If You Don’t Care About Something, One Way To Demonstrate Your Feelings Is To Say The Word And Then Repeat The Word With The Letters S-c-h-m Replacing The First Letters. Somebody Who Didn’t Care About Dentists, For Instance Could Say ‘dentist, Schmentists.

Frustration Is An Interesting Emotional State, Because It Tends To Bring Out The Worst In Whoever Is Frustrated.

Taking One’s Chances Is Like Taking A Bath, Because Sometimes You End Up Feeling Comfortable And Warm, And Sometimes There Is Something Terrible Lurking Around That You Cannot See Until It Is Too Late And You Can Do Nothing Else But Scream And Cling To A Plastic Duck.

I Hadn't Even Been Looking, Not For You, And Now You Were My Heart's Desire.

There Are Many, Many Types Of Books In The World, Which Makes Good Sense, Because There Are Many, Many Types Of People, And Everybody Wants To Read Something Different.

It Was A Secret Time And Place, You Next To Me, Untraceable And Out Of This World

The Table Of Elements Does Not Contain One Of The Most Powerful Elements That Make Up Our World, And That Is The Element Of Surprise.

If You Know Somebody Very Well, Like Your Grandmother Or Your Baby Sister, You Will Know When They Are Real And When They Are Fake.

Historically, A Story About People Inside Impressive Buildings Ignoring Or Even Taunting People Standing Outside Shouting At Them Turns Out To Be A Story With An Unhappy Ending.

There Was Something I Was Always Very Good At, However, And That Was Teaching Myself Not To Be Frightened While Frightening Things Are Going On. It Is Difficult To Do This, But I Had Learned. It Is Simply A Matter Of Putting One’s Fear Aside, Like The Vegetable On The Plate You Don’t Want To Touch Until All Of Your Rice And Chicken Are Gone, And Getting Frightened Later, When One Is Out Of Danger. Sometimes I Imagine I Will Be Frightened For The Rest Of My Life Because Of All Of The Fear I Put Aside During My Time In Stain’d-by-the-sea.

This Is Like A Cookie, It Tastes Like A Cookie Having Sex With A Doughnut.

You Know, There's A Big World Out There Filled With Desperate Orphans Who Would Gladly Swim Across An Ocean Of Thumbtacks Just To Be Eclipsed By The Long Shadow That Is Cast By My Accomplishments.

It Is Very Useful, When One Is Young, To Learn The Difference Between "literally" And "figuratively." If Something Happens Literally, It Actually Happens; If Something Happens Figuratively, It Feels Like It Is Happening. If You Are Literally Jumping For Joy, For Instance, It Means You Are Leaping In The Air Because You Are Very Happy. If You Are Figuratively Jumping For Joy, It Means You Are So Happy That You Could Jump For Joy, But Are Saving Your Energy For Other Matters.

You Would Run Much Slower If You Were Dragging Something Behind You, Like A Knapsack Or A Sheriff.

I Have Produced Things That I Would Say Were Sincerely Cheerful. But Then I Am Reminded By Other People That No One Else Would See Them That Way.

Sometimes The Things You’ve Lost Can Be Found Again In Unexpected Places.

The Mind Has A Thousand Eyes, And The Heart Has One:yet The Light Of A Whole Life Dies When Love Is Done.

Numbersign Questionmark You" And "asterisk Exclamation Point The World.

Exclamation Points

Nobody Wants To Hear That You Will Try Your Best. It Is The Wrong Thing To Say. It Is Like Saying 'i Probably Won't Hit You With A Shovel.' Suddenly Everyone Is Afraid You Will Do The Opposite.

I’m Reminded Of A Book My Father Used To Read Me,” She Said. “a Bunch Of Elves And Things Get Into A Huge War Over A Piece Of Jewelry That Everybody Wants But Nobody Can Wear.

Those Unable To Catalog The Past Are Doomed To Repeat It.

The Long Goodbye' Is One Book I Like To Read Over And Over Again, And It Was An Enormous Inspiration For 'all The Wrong Questions'.

Put Your Hair Up, Min. The Secret Ingredient Is Not Your Hair.

I'm Not A Believer In Predetermined Fates, Being Rewarded For One's Efforts. I'm Not A Believer In Karma. The Reason Why I Try To Be A Good Person Is Because I Think It's The Right Thing To Do. If I Commit Fewer Bad Acts There Will Be Fewer Bad Acts, Maybe Other People Will Join In Committing Fewer Bad Acts, And In Time There Will Be Fewer And Fewer Of Them.

Composer” Is A Word Which Here Means “a Person Who Sits In A Room, Muttering And Humming And Figuring Out What Notes The Orchestra Is Going To Play.” This Is Called Composing. But Last Night, The Composer Was Not Muttering. He Was Not Humming. He Was Not Moving, Or Even Breathing. This Is Called Decomposing.

Thinking About Something Is Like Picking Up A Stone When Taking A Walk, Either While Skipping Rocks On The Beach, For Example, Or Looking For A Way To Shatter The Glass Doors Of A Museum. When You Think About Something, It Adds A Bit Of Weight To Your Walk, And As You Think About More And More Things You Are Liable To Feel Heavier And Heavier, Until You Are So Burdened You Cannot Take Any Further Steps, And Can Only Sit And Stare At The Gentle Movements Of The Ocean Waves Or Security Guards, Thinking Too Hard Bout Too Many Things To Do Anything Else.

Someone Can Break Your Heart, Leave You Dead On The Lawn, And Still You Never Learn What To Say To Stop It All Over Again.

There Are Many Things In Life That Become Different If You Take A Long Look At Them.

Life Never End When You Are In It.

We Are All Told To Ignore Bullies. It's Something They Teach You, And They Can Teach You Anything. It Doesn't Mean You Learn It. It Doesn't Mean You Believe It. One Should Never Ignore Bullies. One Should Stop Them.

For Obvious Reasons, I Never Told You About My Notebook, With A Cover As Green As Mansions Long Ago, Which I Use As A Commonplace Book, A Phrase Which Here Means 'place Where I Have Collected Passages From Some Of The Most Important Books I Have Read.

Complimenting Someone In An Exaggerated Way Is Known As Flattery, And Flattery Will Generally Get You Anything You Want.

The Burning Of A Book Is A Sad, Sad Sight, For Even Though A Book Is Nothing But Ink And Paper, It Feels As If The Ideas Contained In The Book Are Disappearing As The Pages Turn To Ashes And The Cover And Binding--which Is The Term For The Stitching And Glue That Holds The Pages Together--blacken And Curl As The Flames Do Their Wicked Work. When Someone Is Burning A Book, They Are Showing Utter Contempt For All Of The Thinking That Produced Its Ideas, All Of The Labor That Went Into Its Words And Sentences, And All Of The Trouble That Befell The Author . . .

Miracles Are Like Pimples, Because Once You Start Looking For Them You Find More Than You Ever Dreamed You'd See.

Tea Should Be As Bitter As Wormwod And As Sharp As A Two Eged Sword Kit Snicket (a Series Of Unfortunate Events)

A Bolt From The Blue.

This Is An Absurd Moral, For You And I Both Know That Sometimes Not Only Is It Good To Lie, It Is Necessary To Lie.

This Knowledge Sits In My Heart, Heavy As A Paperweight.

The Edith Head Trio, I Would Say, Would Be Even Less Of A Musical Career Than Playing The Accordion, Particularly Because I Played The Accordion In The Edith Head Trio. I'm Very Impressed By Your Googling. The Edith Head Trio And Another Band, Tzamboni, Were Two Bands I Was In After College That Played At Tiny Clubs To Little Acclaim. Our Gypsy Tango Version Of "when Doves Cry" Was Our Biggest Hit.but We Were Not Destined For Greatness.

The Trouble With Talking About Irony Is, It's Such A Slippery Thing That The Second You Start Talking About It, You're A Better Example Of It Than You Are An Analyst.

Hal Is On His Way." The Nurse Announced Reentering The Room.

Hello, Freaky Peoples!

I Stand Entwined In Fire On The Inextinguishable Bonfire Of Inconceivable Love.

It Looked Like Something The Hemlock Needed, Or A Piece Of Equipment A Plumber Had Left Behind. It Looked Like None Of Your Business.

I Can't Think Of A Story That Doesn't Have Something Terrible In It. Otherwise, It's Dull. So When I Embarked Into The World Of Picture Books, My First Thought Was To Do Something About The Dark.

The Real Santa Claus Is At The Mall.

It Is So Rare In This World To Meet A Trustworthy Person Who Truly Wants To Help You, And Finding Such A Person Can Make You Feel Warm And Safe, Even If You Are In The Middle Of A Windy Valley High Up In The Mountains.

I Find Reading Screenplays Difficult, As They're Only A Roadmap For What A Movie Might End Up Being.

There Are Few Sights Sadder Than A Ruined Book.

When Things Don't Go Right, Go Left

It Is One Of Life's Bitterest Truths That Bedtime So Often Arrives Just When Things Are Really Getting Interesting.

Like A Lot Of People Whose Children Were Small In The 2000s, I Read [daniel Handler] Books Out Loud And I Loved Them.

If You Are Interested In Happy Endings, You Would Be Better Off Reading Some Other Book. In This Book, Not Only Is There No Happy Ending, There Is No Happy Beginning And Very Few Happy Things In The Middle. This Is Because Not Very Many Happy Things Happened In The Lives Of The Three Baudelaire Youngsters.

I'm Always Loath To Make Generalizations About What Is For Children And What Isn't. Certainly Children's Literature As A Genre Has Some Restrictions, So Certain Things Will Never Pop Up In A Snicket Book. But I Didn't Know Anything About Writing For Children When I Started - This Is The Theme Of Naïveté Creeping Up On Us Once More - And I Sort Of Still Don't, And I'm Happy That Adults Are Reading Them As Well As Children.

If You Have Ever Lost A Loved One, Then You Know Exactly How It Feels. And If You Have Not, Then You Cannot Possibly Imagine It.

How Can Someone So Wonderful Do Something So Terrible?

I'm Always Interested To See What Films Are Made Of Books. I Kind Of Don't Participate As A Filmgoer In Any Kind Of Debate About What's Better, The Book Or The Movie. So I Think It's Interesting When People Want To Do It.

Undeveloped, The Whole Thing,tossed Into A Box Before We Really Had A Chance To Know What We Had, And That's Why We Broke Up.

It Is A Sad Truth In Life That When Someone Has Lost A Loved One, Friends Sometimes Avoid The Person, Just When The Presence Of Friends Is Most Needed.

In General, Of Course, A Stranger Who Tries To Get You Into An Automobile Is Anything But Noble, And In General A Person Who Quotes Great American Novelists Is Anything But Treacherous, And In General A Man Who Says You Needn't Worry About Money, Or A Man Who Smokes Cigarettes, Is Somewhere In Between.

Take It Back, Ed. Take It All Back.

There Are Times To Stay Put, And What You Want Will Come To You, And There Are Times To Go Out Into The World And Find Such A Thing For Yourself.

I Was Not A Particularly Brave Child, I Think, Because I Had A Narrative Mind, Because My Mind Automatically Went To Any Terrible Thing That Could Happen.

For Beatrice, Summer Without You Is As Cold As Winter. Winter Without You, Is Even Colder.

Just About Everything In This World Is Easier Said Than Done, With The Exception Of 'systematically Assisting Sisyphus's Stealthy, Syst-susceptible Sister,' Which Is Easier Done Than Said.

Xenial' Is A Word Which Refers To The Giving Of Gifts To Strangers. . . . I Know That Having A Good Vocabulary Doesn't Guarantee That I'm A Good Person. . . . But It Does Mean I've Read A Great Deal. And In My Experience, Well-read People Are Less Likely To Be Evil.

Guarantees That

The Library Was One Enormous Room, With Long, High Metal Shelves And The Perfect Quiet That Libraries Provide For Anyone Looking For An Answer.

Waiting Is One Of Life's Hardships. It Is Hard Enough To Wait For Chocolate Cream Pie While Burnt Roast Beef Is Still On Your Plate. It Is Plenty Difficult To Wait For Halloween When The Tedious Month Of September Is Still Ahead Of You. But To Wait For One's Adopted Uncle To Come Home While A Greedy And Violent Man Is Upstairs Was One Of The Worst Waits The Baudelaires Had Ever Experienced.

It's Different," You Said. "you've Made, Min, Everything Different For Me. Everything's Like Coffee You Made Me Try, Better Than I Ever - Or The Places I Didn't Even Know Were Right On The Street, You Know? I'm Like This Thing I Saw When I Was Little, Where A Kid Hears A Noise Under His Bed And There's A Ladder There That's Never Been There Before, And He Climbs Down And, It's For Kids I Know, But This Song Starts Playing..." Your Eyes Were Traveling In The Treey Light.

The Sad Truth Is The Truth Is Sad.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

There Are Secrets Everywhere. I Think Everyone's Parents Have Secrets. You Just Have To Know Where To Look For Them.

The Sea Is Nothing But A Library Of All The Tears In History.

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Jurgen Habermas

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