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I Think That If You're Somebody Who's A Control Freak, The Process Would Make You Crazy, But I'm Kind Of A Process Freak, So I'm Excited To See What He Does With It. I Know It's Not Going To Be My Book, So Just Starting With That Knowledge Frees Me From Having To Get All Freaked Out About It.

-Alice Sebold

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I Think That If

Alice Sebold

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I Think That If You're Somebody Who's A Control Freak, The Process Would Make You Crazy, But I'm Kind Of A Process Freak, So I'm Excited To See What He Does With It. I Know It's Not Going To Be My Book, So Just Starting With That Knowledge Frees Me From Having To Get All Freaked Out About It.

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More From Alice Sebold

"when The Dead Are Done With The Living, The Living Can Go On To Other Things," Franny Said. "what About The Dead?" I Asked. "where Do We Go?"

Life Is A Perpetual Yesterday For Us.

His Love For My Mother Wasn't About Looking Back And Loving Something That Would Never Change. It Was About Loving My Mother For Everything -- For Her Brokenness And Her Fleeing, For Her Being There Right Then In That Moment Before The Sun Rose And The Hospital Staff Came In. It Was About Touching That Hair With The Side Of His Fingertip, And Knowing Yet Plumbing Fearlessly The Depths Of Her Ocean Eyes.

A Father's Suspicion...' She Began. Is As Powerful As A Mother's Intuition.' ~pg 87, Ruana Singh And Jack Salmon

I Think That If You're Somebody Who's A Control Freak, The Process Would Make You Crazy, But I'm Kind Of A Process Freak, So I'm Excited To See What He Does With It. I Know It's Not Going To Be My Book, So Just Starting With That Knowledge Frees Me From Having To Get All Freaked Out About It.

For Me, Heaven Would Be A Lack Of Alienation. The Whole Time I Was Growing Up, I Felt Comfort Was Inherently Evil. I Think That For Me Heaven Isn't About Couches And Milk Shakes And Never Having A Troubling Thought Again.

To Transform Experience And Thought Into Language And Narrative - That Is Beautiful Even If That Beauty Is In Brokenness.

Sometimes Holly Seemed Like She Wasn't Paying Attention, And Other Times She Was Gone When I Went Looking For Her. That Was When She Went To A Part Of Heaven We Didn't Share. I Missed Her Then, But It Was And Odd Sort Of Missing Because By Then I Knew The Meaning Of Forever. I Could Not Have What I Wanted Most: Mr. Harvey Dead And Me Living. Heaven Wasn't Perfect. But I Came To Believe That If I Watched Closely, And Desired, I Might Change The Lives Of Those I Loved On Earth.

He Was Beginning To Understand: You Were Treated Special And, Later, Something Horrible Would Be Told To You.

I Left My Mark On That Man.

He Had A Moment Of Clarity About How Life Should Be Lived: Not As A Child Or As A Woman. They Were The Two Worst Things To Be.

The Alcohol Had The Effect Of Making The Black Cloth Blacker. This Amused Her; She Had Noted In Her Journal: "booze Affects Material As It Does People.

Each Time I Told My Story, I Lost A Bit, The Smallest Drop Of Pain. It Was That Day That I Knew I Wanted To Tell The Story Of My Family. Because Horror On Earth Is Real And It Is Every Day. It Is Like A Flower Or Like The Sun; It Cannot Be Contained.

I Like Gardening - It's A Place Where I Find Myself When I Need To Lose Myself.

There Was Our Father, The Heart We Knew Held All Of Us. Held Us Heavily And Desperately, The Doors Of His Heart Opening And Closing With The Rapidity Of Stops On An Instrument, The Quiet Felt Closures, The Ghostly Fingering, Practice And Practice And Then, Incredibly, Sound And Melody And Warmth.

Heaven Is Comfort, But It's Still Not Living.

She Liked To Imagine That When She Passed The World Looked After Her, But She Also Knew How Anonymous She Was.

As She Brought Prospective Buyers Through, The Realtor Said It Was An Oil Stain, But It Was Me, Seeping Out Of The Bag.

I Knew Something As I Watched: Almost Everyone Was Saying Goodbye To Me. I Was Becoming One Of The Many Little-girl-losts. They Would Go Back To Their Homes And Put Me To Rest, A Letter From The Past Never To Be Reopened Or Reread. And I Could Say Goodbye To Them, Wish Them Well, Bless Them Somehow For Their Good Thoughts. A Handshake In The Street, A Dropped Item Picked Up And Retrieved And Handed Back, Or A Friendly Wave From The Distant Window, A Nod, A Smile, A Moment When The Eyes Lock Over The Antics Of A Child.

I Had Always Been In Love With Him. I Counted The Lashes Of Each Closed Eye. He Had Been My Almost, My Might Have Been, And I Did Not Want To Leave Him

She No Longer Believed In Talk. It Never Rescued Anything.

Now I Am In The Place I Call This Wide Wide Heaven Because It Includes All My Simplest Desires But Also The Most Humble And Grand. The Word My Grandfather Uses Is Comfort. So There Are Cakes And Pillows And Colors Galore, But Underneath This More Obvious Patchwork Quilt Are Places Like A Quiet Room Where You Can Go And Hold Someone's Hand And Not Have To Say Anything. Give No Story. Make No Claim. Where You Can Live At The Edge Of Your Skin For As Long As You Wish.

She Liked To Imagine That When She Passed, The World Looked After Her, But She Also Knew How Anonymous She Was. Except When She Was At Work, No One Knew Where She Was At Any Time Of Day And No One Waited For Her. It Was Immaculate Anonymity.

I Tried To Take Solace In Holiday, Our Dog. I Missed Him In A Way I Hadn't Yet Let Myself Miss My Mother And Father, My Sister And Brother. That Way Of Missing Would Mean That I Had Accepted That I Would Never Be With Them Again; It Might Sound Silly But I Didn't Believe It, Would Not Believe It.

She Sat In Her Room On The Couch My Parents Had Given Up On And Worked On Hardening Herself. Take Deep Breaths And Hold Them. Try To Stay Still For Longer And Longer Periods Of Time. Make Yourself Small And Like A Stone. Curl The Edges Of Yourself Up And Fold Them Under Where No One Can See. ~pg 29, Susie's Sister Lindsey Dealing With Grief.

Poison And Medicine Are Often The Same Thing, Given In Different Proportions

How Could It Be That You Could Love Someone So Much And Keep It Secret From Yourself As You Woke Daily So Far From Home?

One Thing About Failing Repeatedly: If You're Still Doing It After You've Failed That Much, You Really Mean It.

You're Not Supposed To Look Back, You're Supposed To Keep Going.

Tess Was My First Experience Of A Woman Who Had Inhabited Her Weirdness, Moved Into The Areas Of Herself That Made Her Distinct From Those Around Her, And Learned How To Display Them Proudly.

I Forgive You," I Said. I Said What I Had To. I Would Die By Pieces To Save Myself From Real Death.

In My 20s, I Railed Against Anything 'spiritual', I Thought It Was All Crap.

After Telling The Hard Facts To Anyone From Lover To Friend, I Have Changed In Their Eyes. Often It Is Awe Or Admiration, Sometimes It Is Repulsion, Once Or Twice It Has Been Fury Hurled Directly At Me For Reasons I Remain Unsure Of.

Then A Little Voice In Him Said, Let Go, Let Go, Let Go

Our Only Kiss Was Like An Accident- A Beautiful Gasoline Rainbow.

How To Commit The Perfect Murder" Was An Old Game In Heaven. I Always Chose The Icicle: The Weapon Melts Away.

She Didn't Even Have To Smile, And She Rarely Did Outside Her House--it Was The Eyes, Her Dancer's Carriage, The Way She Seemed To Deliberate Over The Smallest Movement Of Her Body.

I Would Like To Tell You That I Am, And You Will One Day Be, Forever Safe.

There’s No Condition One Adjusts To So Quickly As A State Of War.

There Wasn't A Lot Of Bullshit In My Heaven.

As If In The Other Side Of His Kiss There Could Ve A New Life

The Stains Could Be Seen Only In The Sunlight, So Ruth Was Never Really Aware Of Them Until Later, When She Would Stop At An Outdoor Cafe For A Cup Of Coffee, And Look Down At Her Skirt And See The Dark Traces Of Spilled Vodka Or Whiskey. The Alcohol Had The Effect Of Making The Black Cloth Blacker. This Amused Her; She Had Noted In Her Journal: 'booze Affects Material As It Does People'.

But She Was Waiting Patiently. She No Longer Believed In Talk. It Never Rescued Anything. At Seventy She Had Come To Believe In Time Alone. ~pg 254

We Have This Desire For Everything To Be Explained To Us. But If You Go Through Your Daily Actions, Very Little Ends Up Having A Written-down Explanation For Why Things Happen, Or Why People Do Specific Things. So It Made Sense To Me To Reflect The Human Condition That Not Every Action Has An Explanation. We Act, And Then Later Maybe Come To An Understanding About It, Or Maybe Not.

It's Hard, Because When You Talk About Process Or Your Characters Ruling Your Narrative, It Sounds Like You Have No Control, But Obviously You're Ultimately The Author, So You Do Have Control.

All You Have To Do Is Desire It, And If You Desire It Enough And Understand Why -- Really Know -- It Will Come.

Since Then I've Always Thought That Under Rape In The Dictionary It Should Tell The Truth. It Is Not Just Forcible Intercourse; Rape Means To Inhabit And Destroy Everything.

Telling The Truth

My Father Had Not Been Outside The House Except To Drive Back And Forth To Work Or Sit Out In The Backyard, For Months, Nor Had He Seen His Neighbors. Now He Looked At Them, From Face To Face, Until He Realized I Had Been Loved By People He Didn't Even Recognize. His Heart Filled Up, Warm Again As It Had Not Been In What Seemed So Long To Him- Save Small Forgotten Moments With Buckley, The Accidents Of Love That Happened With His Son. ~pgs 209-210; Buckley, Lindsey And Jack On Susie

Out Loud I Said I Had Two Children. Silently I Said Three. I Always Felt Like Apologizing To Her For That.

There Was One Thing My Murderer Didn't Understand; He Didn't Understand How Much A Father Could Love His Child.

I Was The Girl He Had Chosen To Kiss. He Wanted, Somehow To Set Me Free. He Didn't Want To Burn My Photo Or Toss It Away, But He Didn't Want To Look At Me Anymore, Either.

These Things, She Felt, Were Not To Be Passed Around Like Disingenuous Party Favors. She Kept An Honor Code With Her Journals And Her Poems. 'inside, Inside,' She Would Whisper Quietly To Herself When She Felt The Urge To Tell.

When I Was Raped I Lost My Virginity And Almost Lost My Life. I Also Discarded Certain Assumptions I Had Held About How The World Worked And About How Safe I Was.

Every Day A Question Mark.

I Have Always Felt Extremely Weird. But I Am Very Happy With My Weirdnesses, And I Want Other People To Be Very Happy With Theirs.

I Fell In Love With You Again; While You Were Away - Jack Salmon

Everyday He Got Up. Before Sleep Wore Off, He Was Who He Used To Be. Then, As His Consciousness Woke, It Was As If Poison Seeped In. At First He Couldn't Even Get Up. He Lay There Under A Heavy Weight. But Then Only Movment Could Save Him, And He Moved And He Moved And He Moved, No Movement Being Enough To Make Up For It. The Guilt On Him, The Hand Of God Pressing Down On Him, Saying, You Were Not There When Your Daughter Needed You.

The Relationship With The Words Someone Uses Is More Intimate And Integrated Than Just A Quick Read And A Blurb Can Ever Be. This Intimacy - The Words On The Page Being Sent Back And Forth From Engaged Editor To Open Author - Is Unique In My Experience.

I Was Trying To Prove To Them And To Myself That I Was Still Who I Had Always Been. I Was Beautiful, If Fat. I Was Smart, If Loud. I Was Good, If Ruined.

I Wake Up Very Early In The Morning. I Like To Start In The Dark, And I Never Work At Night, Because My Brain Is Evaporated By 4 P.m.

Please Don't Let Daddy Die Susie," He Whispered. "i Need Him.

I'm Not A Slash-and-burn Kind, And I'm Also Not A Posterity Kind. They Just Kind Of Exist On My Hard Drive. It's Like Walking Down The Street - What You Leave Behind Is Still There, Even If You Never Go Back And Revisit It.

And My Sister, My Lindsey, Left Me In Her Memories, Where I Was Meant To Be.

Were Meant To Be

I Dont Think Ignorance Is A Way That You Gain Distance On Something.

Before, They Had Never Found Themselves Broken Together. Usually, It Was One Needing The Other But Not Both Needing Each Other, And So There Had Been A Way, By Touching, To Borrow From The Stronger One's Strength.

I Mean, If I Went Into My Closet, I Could Find A Previous Draft And Try To Figure That Out, But It Takes A Long Time For Me To Find The Voice To Tell A Story In. I Was Working From Other Points Of View For A Couple Years There.

It's Something That I Know How To Do Because I Taught For A Very Long Time, So I Can Do It, And I Feel A Responsibility To Do It - For Instance, In This Situation, Where I'm Touring Specifically For This Period Of Time. But Most Writers Are Not Public People. There Are A Few Writers Out There Who Really Enjoy It And Are Good At It, And Can Both Work And Do That At The Same Time, But I'm Not One Of Those People.

Those Who Say They Would Rather Fight To The Death Than Be Raped Are Fools. I Would Rather Be Raped A Thousand Times. You Do What You Have To.

A Lot Of People Ask Questions That They Don't Want To Answer Themselves, And If We're Honest About The Intimacy That We Have With Our Parents, You Wish Them The Best And You Wish Them The Worst More Than Anybody Else In The World. I Think Everyone Has Had A Moment In Their Life Where They Wished A Parent Ill, And I Think It's Perhaps A Very Romantic Idea That That Doesn't Happen.

Each Time I Told My Story, I Lost A Bit, The Smallest Drop Of Pain.

My Name Is Salmon, Like The Fish; First Name, Susie. I Was Fourteen When I Was Murdered.

So There Are Cakes And Pillows And Colors Galore, But Underneath This More Obvious Patchwork Quilt Are Places Like A Quiet Room Where You Can Go And Hold Someone's Hand And Not Have To Say Anything.

I Live In A World Where Two Truths Coexist: Where Both Hell And Hope Lie In The Palm Of My Hand

If I Had But An Hour Of Love,if That Be All That Is Given Me,an Hour Of Love Upon This Earth,i Would Give My Love To Thee.

But, He Also Said It Because Part Of Him Wanted More Of Her, This Cold Woman Who Was Not Exactly Cold, This Rock Who Was Not Stone.

What I Think Was Hardest For Me To Realize Was That He Had Tried Each Time To Stop Himself. He Had Killed Animals, Taking Lesser Lives To Keep From Killing A Child

Murder Had A Blood Red Door On The Other Side Of Which Was Everything Unimaginable To Everyone.

Do You Miss Susie?" Because It Was Dark, Because Ruth Was Facing Away From Her,because Ruth Was Almost A Stranger, Lindsey Said What She Felt. "more Than Anyone Will Ever Know.

He Had Been My Almost. My Might-have-been. I Was Afraid Of What I Wanted Most - His Kiss. Still, I Collected Kiss Stories. -susie Salmon

Loss Could Be Used As A Measure Of Beauty In A Woman.

She Was Unaware That She Was Somewhat Of A Celebrity Up In Heaven. I Had Told People About Her, What She Did, How She Observed Moments Of Silence Up And Down The City And Wrote Small Individual Prayers In Her Journal, And The Story Had Travelled So Quickly That Women Lined Up To Know She Had Found Where They’d Been Killed. She Had Fans In Heaven..... Meanwhile, For Us, She Was Doing Important Work, Work That Most People On Earth Were Too Frightened Even Too Contemplate.

The Dead Are Never Exactly Seen By The Living, But Many People Seem Acutely Aware Of Something Changed Around Them. They Speak Of A Chill In The Air. The Mates Of The Deceased Wake From Dreams And See A Figure Standing At The End Of Thier Bed, Or In A Doorway, Or Boarding, Phantomlike, A City Bus.

Part Of The Creative Process For Me Is An Invitation For Readers To Follow Their Imagination.

I Wanted To Be The Moron Of The Family, Because Morons Seemed To Have More Fun, More Freedom And More Personality.

Learn A Language Of Another Country And Then You Can Go To That Country: A Place Where The Problems Of Your Family Will Not Follow. A Language They Do Not Speak.

You Save Yourself Or You Remain Unsaved.

I Loved The Way The Burned-out Flashcubes Of The Kodak Instamatic Marked A Moment That Had Passed, One That Would Now Be Gone Forever Except For A Picture.

Inside The Snow Globe On My Father's Desk, There Was A Penguin Wearing A Red-and-white-striped Scarf. When I Was Little My Father Would Pull Me Into His Lap And Reach For The Snow Globe. He Would Turn It Over, Letting All The Snow Collect On The Top, Then Quickly Invert It. The Two Of Us Watched The Snow Fall Gently Around The Penguin. The Penguin Was Alone In There, I Thought, And I Worried For Him. When I Told My Father This, He Said, "don't Worry, Susie; He Has A Nice Life. He's Trapped In A Perfect World.

Last Night It Had Been My Father Who Had Finally Said It: "she’s Never Coming Home." A Clear And Easy Piece Of Truth That Everyone Who Had Ever Known Me Had Accepted. But He Needed To Say It, And She Needed To Hear Him Say It.

The Moon Is Whole All The Time, But We Can’t Always See It. What We See Is An Almost Moon Or Not-quite Moon. The Rest Is Hiding Just Out Of View, But There’s Only One Moon, So We Follow It In The Sky. We Plan Our Lives Based On Its Rhythms And Tides.

Nothing Is Ever Certain.

As She Stood In The Darkened Room And Watched My Sister And Father, I Knew One Of Things That Heaven Meant. I Had A Choice, And It Was Not To Divide My Family In My Heart.

The Shadow Of Years Was Not As Big On His Small Body. He Knew I Was Away . But When People Left They Always Came Back.

What Did Dead Mean, Ray Wondered. It Meant Lost, It Meant Frozen, It Meant Gone.

Hold Still," My Father Would Say, While I Held The Ship In The Bottle And He Burned Away The Strings He'd Raised The Mast With And Set The Clipper Ship Free On Its Blue Putty Sea. And I Would Wait For Him, Recognizing The Tension Of That Moment When The World In The Bottle Depended, Solely, On Me.

He Would Find His Susie,inside His Young Son. Give That Love To The Living.

He Tunneled Into Stories Where Weak Men Changed Into Strong Half-animals Or Used Eye Beams Or Magic Hammers To Power Through Steel Or Climb Up The Sides Of Skyscrapers. He Was The Hulk When Angry And Spidey The Rest Of The Time. When He Felt His Heart Hurt He Turned Into Something Stronger Than A Little Boy, And He Grew Up This Way. A Heart That Flashed From Heart To Stone, Heart To Stone. As I Watched I Thought Of What Grandma Lynn Liked To Say When Lindsey And I Rolled Our Eyes Or Grimaced Behind Her Back. "watch Out What Faces You Make. You'll Freeze That Way.

Like A Medical Procedure,' Ruth Said. 'intricate Surgery Is Needed To Patch Up The Planet.

Between A Man And A Woman There Was Always One Person Who Was Stronger Than The Other One. That Doesn’t Mean The Weaker One Doesn’t Love The Stronger.

Hey, Ocean Eyes,” My Father Said. “where’d You Go On Us?

No One On The Street Thought Anything Of The Downtown Girl Dressed In Black Who Had Paused In The Middle Of Midtown Foot Traffic. In Her Art Student Camouflage She Could Walk The Entire Length Of Manhattan And, If Not Blend In, Be Classified And Therefore Ignored.

People Grow Up By Living.

It Was Buckley, As My Father And Sister Joined The Group And Listened To Grandma Lynn’s Countless Toasts, Who Saw Me. He Saw Me Standing Under The Rustic Colonial Clock And Stared. He Was Drinking Champagne. There Were Strings Coming Out From All Around Me, Reaching Out, Waving In The Air. Someone Passed Him A Brownie. He Held It In His Hand But Did Not Eat. He Saw My Shape And Face, Which Had Not Changed-the Hair Still Parted Down The Middle, The Chest Still Flat And Hips Undeveloped-and Wanted To Call Out My Name. It Was Only A Moment, And Then I Was Gone.

I Watched My Brother And My Father. The Truth Was Very Different From What We Learned In School. The Truth Was The Line Between The Living And The Dead Could Be, It Seemed, Murky And Blurred.

Sometimes The Dreams That Come True Are The Dreams You Never Even Knew You Had.

But I Know I Would Not Go Out. I Had Taken This Time To Fall In Love Instead — In Love With The Sort Of Helplessness I Had Not Felt In Death — The Helplessness Of Being Alive, The Dark Bright Pity Of Being Human — Feeling As You Went, Groping In Corners And Opening Your Arms To Light - All Of It Part Of Navigating The Unknown.

Falling In Love

The Sun Came Through The Branches Of The Tree Above Her, And Ruth Looked Up Past Them. "i Think She Listens," She Said, Too Softly To Be Heard.

I Don't Do Much Public Speaking. I Did A Lot Of Stuff For Bones, And Then Ended Up Having Said Yes To A Lot Of Things That Kept Me On The Road For A While For That, But Then I Pretty Much Stopped. I'm Touring For This Book, But When The Tour Is Done, That'll Be The End Of It.

I Wish You All A Long And Happy Life

If I Shut My Eyes, I Believed, I Would Disappear. To Make It Through, I Had To Be Present The Whole Time.

I Couldn't Help But Think, As I Watched Him, Of The Barrels Of Toxic Fluids That Had Accrued Behind Hal's Bike Shop Where The Scrub Lining The Railroad Tracks Had Offered Local Companies Enough Cover To Dump A Stray Contaner Or Two. Everything Had Been Sealed Up, But Things Were Beginning To Leak Out. I Had Come To Both Pity And Respect Len In The Years Since My Mother Left. He Followed The Physical To Try To Understand Things That Were Impossible To Comphrehend. In That, I Could See, He Was Like Me.

You Could Not Be Filled With Hate And Be Beautiful. Like Any Other Girl, I Wanted To Be Beautiful. But I Was Filled With Hate.

I Missed Her Then But It Was An Odd Sort Of Missing Because By Then, I Knew The Meaning Of Forever.

Missing Someone

I Was In The Air Around Him. I Was In The Cold Mornings He Had Now. I Was In The Quiet Time He Spent Alone. I Was The Girl He Had Chosen To Kiss. He Wanted, Somehow To Set Me Free. -susie Salmon

I Stared At Her Black Hair. It Was Shiny Like The Promises In Magazines.

And In A Small House Five Miles Away Was A Man Who Held My Mud-encrusted Charm Bracelet Out To His Wife. Look What I Found At The Old Industrial Park," He Said. "a Construction Guy Said They Were Bulldozing The Whole Lot. They're Afraid Of Sink Holes Like That One That Swallowed The Cars." His Wife Poured Him Some Water From The Sink As He Fingered The Tiny Bike And The Ballet Shoe, The Flower Basket And The Thimble. He Held Out The Muddy Bracelet As She Set Down His Glass. This Little Girl's Grown Up By Now," She Said. Almost. Not Quite. I Wish You All A Long And Happy Life.

Books And Novels In Particular That Grapple With Quite A Few Things Are Difficult To Explain, So I Think That First Line Can Come In A Substitute For Trying To Form A Longer Sense Of What The Book Is About.

But Also I Wanted Him To Go Away And Leave Me Be. I Was Granted One Weak Grace. Back In The Room Where The Green Chair Was Still Warm From His Body, I Blew That Lonely, Flickering Candle Out

I'm Just A Friendly Bystander Who They Occasionally Ask Questions Of. That's My Level Of Involvement.

In This Deeply Nuanced Portrait Of An American Family, Bret Anthony Johnston Fearlessly Explores The Truth Behind A Mythic Happy Ending. In Remember Me Like This, Johnston Presents An Incisive Dismantling Of An All-too-comforting Fallacy: That In Being Found We Are No Longer Lost.

I'm Fine With Whatever Comes My Way, And Whatever Doesn't Come My Way I'm Fine With Too. I Have A Very Laissez-faire Attitude With The Whole Thing.

I Was Like I Was In Science Class: I Was Curious.

At The Tips Of The Feathers There Is Air And At Their Base: Blood. I Hold Up Bones; I Wish Like Broken Glass They Could Court Light....still I Try To Place These Pieces Back Together, To Set Them Firm, To Make Murdered Girls Live Again.

I Think You Only Learn What Kind Of Personality You Have By Committing To Things.

Because Horror On Earth Is Real And It Is Every Day. It Is Like A Flower Or Like The Sun; It Cannot Be Contained.

Who Would Have Thought Something That Happened That Long Ago Could Have Such Power?

Sometimes You Cry, Susie, Even When Someone You Love Has Been Gone A Long Time.

Someone You Love

I Had Rescued The Moment By Using My Camera And In That Way Had Found How To Stop Time And Hold It. No One Could Take That Image Away From Me Because I Owned It.

I Have Never Been Shy About Listening To The Input Of Others And Weighing It Seriously.

Stones And Bones; Snow And Frost; Seeds And Beans And Polliwogs. Paths And Twigs, Assorted Kisses, We All Know Who Daddy Misses! His Two Little Frogs Of Girls, That’s Who. They Know Where They Are, Do You, Do You?

Depending On Where I Am In The Process, Sometimes I Have A Page Count And Sometimes I Don't. Sometimes I Have An Hour Count; Sometimes I'm Just Happy To String A Few Words Together. I Do Keep Pretty Rigorous Hours, Because Otherwise You Never Get Anything Done.

When The Music Stopped, It Could Have Been Forever Since We'd Begun. My Grandfather Took A Step Back, And The Light Grew Yellow At His Back. 'i'm Going,' He Said. 'where?' I Asked. 'don't Worry, Sweetheart. You're So Close.' He Turned And Walked Away, Disappearing Rapidly Into Spots And Dust. Infinity.

Well, As My Dad Would Say, It Means She’s Out Of This Shithole.

Your First Kiss Is Destiny Knocking.

He Took The Hat From My Mouth. ''tell Me You Love Me'', He Said. Gently I Did. The End Came Anyway

And There She Was, Alone And Walking Out In The Cornfield While Everyone Else I Cared For Sat Together In One Room. She Would Always Feel Me And Think Of Me. I Could See That, But There Was No Longer Anything I Could Do. Ruth Had Been A Girl Haunted And Now She Would Be A Woman Haunted. First By Accident And Now By Choice. All Of It, The Story Of My Life And Death, Was Hers If She Chose Tot Ell It, Even To One Person At A Time.

You Look Invincible,' My Mother Said One Night. I Loved These Times, When We Seemed To Feel The Same Thing. I Turned To Her, Wrapped In My Thin Gown, And Said: I Am.

Ruth Hadn't Talked To My Sister Since Before My Death, And Then It Was Only To Excuse Herself In The Hallway At School. But She'd Seen Lindsey Walking Home With Samuel And Seen Her Smile With Him. She Watched As My Sister Said Yes To Pancakes And No To Everything Else. She Had Tried To Imagine Herself Being My Sister As She Had Spent Time Imagining Being Me.

I Would Do Exactly What You Are Doing: I Would Talk To Everyone I Needed To, I Would Not Tell Too Many People His Name. When I Was Sure," She Said, "i Would Find A Quiet Way, And I Would Kill Him.

My Grandmother Stepped Back Into The Kitchen To Get Their Drinks. I Had Come To Love Her More After Death Than I Ever Had On Earth. I Wish I Could Say That In That Moment In The Kitchen She Decided To Quit Drinking, But I Now Saw That Drinking Was A Part Of What Made Her Who She Was. If The Worst Of What She Left On Earth Was A Legacy Of Inebriated Support, It Was A Good Legacy In My Book. ~susie's Grandmother, Lynn Pgs 315-316

Almost Everyone In Heaven Has Someone On Earth They Watch, A Loved One, A Friend Or Even A Stranger Who Was Once Kind, Who Offered Warm Food Or A Bright Smile When One Of Us Had Needed It. And When I Wasn’t Watching I Could Hear The Others Talking To Those They Loved On Earth: Just As Fruitlessly As Me, I’m Afraid. A One-sided Card Cajoling And Coaching Of The Young, A One Way Loving And Desiring Of Their Mates, A Single-sided Card That Could Never Get Signed.

Once Released From Life, Having Lost It In Such Violence, I Couldn’t Calculate My Steps. I Didn’t Have Time For Contemplation. In Violence It Is The Getting Out That You Concentrate On. When You Begin To Go Over The Edge, Life Receding From You As A Boat Recedes Inevitably From The Shore, You Hold On To Death Tightly, Like A Rope That Will Transport You, And You Swing Out On It, Hoping To Land Away From Where You Are.

At Fourteen, My Sister Sailed Away From Me Into A Place I’d Never Been. In The Walls Of My Sex There Was Horror And Blood, In The Walls Of Hers There Were Windows.

I Watched My Beautiful Sister Running . . . And I Knew She Was Not Running Away From Me Or Toward Me. Like Someone Who Has Survived A Gut-shot, The Wound Had Been Closing, Closing - Braiding Into A Scar For Eight Long Years.

The Damage Can Fester Under Layers Of Time And Change, And An Ignorant, Thoughtless Remark Can Easily Reopen The Wound.

Time And Change

Well, It's My Voice, So It's More Accessible That Way, And There Are Also All Sorts Of Things Like Plot And Timelines That Are Already Known Entities, So For Me, It's Very Different From Writing Fiction.

These Were The Lovely Bones That Had Grown Around My Absence: The Connections-sometimes Tenuous, Sometimes Made At Great Cost, But Often Magnificent-that Happened After I Was Gone. And I Began To See Things In A Way That Let Me Hold The World Without Me In It. The Events That My Death Wrought Were Merely The Bones Of A Body That Would Become Whole At Some Unpredictable Time In The Future. The Price Of What I Came To See As This Miraculous Body Had Been My Life.

Murderers Are Not Monsters, They're Men. And That's The Most Frightening Thing About Them.

The Living Deserve Attention, Too

Like Snowflakes,' Franny Said,'none Of Them The Same And Yet Each One, From Where We Stand, Exactly Like The One Before

The Earth Has A Mouth?” Buckley Asked. A Big Round Mouth But With No Lips,” My Father Said. Jack,” My Mother Said, Laughing, “stop It. Do You Know I Caught Him Outside Growling At The Snapdragons?

It's Very Weird To Succeed At Thirty-nine Years Old And Realize That In The Midst Of Your Failure, You Were Slowly Building The Life That You Wanted Anyway.

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