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I Mistrust Total Competence. I've Always Felt Life Is A Series Of Small Disasters We Try To Get Through.

-Michael Palin

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I Mistrust Total Competence.

Michael Palin

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I Mistrust Total Competence. I've Always Felt Life Is A Series Of Small Disasters We Try To Get Through.

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I've Been Lucky To Have Made A Number Of Travel Programmes With The Bbc, The Object Being To See Places Off The Beaten Track. As A Result, I've Often Had A Guide Who's Been Able To Show Me Things That You Wouldn't See With A Tour Group.

Despite Having Seen A Fair Amount Of The World, I Still Love Travelling - I Just Have An Insatiable Curiosity And Like Looking Out Of A Window.

First Shalt Thou Take Out The Holy Pin. Then Shalt Thou Count To Three, No More-no Less. Three Shall Be The Number Thou Shalt Count, And The Number Of The Counting Shall Be Three. Four Shalt Thou Not Count, Neither Count Thou Two, Excepting That Thou Then Proceed To Three. Five Is Right Out. Once The Number Three, Being The Third Number, Be Reached, Then Lobbest Thou Thy Holy Hand Grenade Of Antioch Towards Thy Foe, Who, Being Naughty In My Sight, Shall Snuff It.

I Mistrust Total Competence. I've Always Felt Life Is A Series Of Small Disasters We Try To Get Through.

One Of The Most Important Days Of My Life Was When I Learned To Ride A Bicycle.

Riding A Bicycle

Night Falls Over Machu Picchu To The Sound Of Abba's 'dancing Queen'.

My Parents Have Been Married Forty-two Years. I Wonder How Many Of Those Were Happy.

When I'm Travelling, I Always Take My Little Notebook And Scribble Things Down As I Watch Them; I'm Very Much Geared To Everything That's Happening. Whereas, The Diary I Keep Is Just About A Record Of A Day I've Spent. When I'm Filming, I'm Looking Quite Intensely At Everything I See And Trying To Get My Own Eye On What We're Going Through.

I Am Certainly More Interested In Interviewing Than Being Interviewed. Sometimes You Find Yourself Attacked From The Start.

Finding Yourself

There Are Many Ways Of Seeing The World. You Can Hang Upside Down From A Meteor, Volunteer To Be The Fourth Stage Of A Three-stage Rocket, Or Simply Get In A Balloon And Keep Going. But If It's Sheer, Unadulterated Discomfort You're Looking For, Just Stay On Land.

In The Absence Of Fear There Is Little Faith.

You Can't Get A Suit Of Armour And A Rubber Chicken Just Like That. You Have To Plan Ahead.

From My Travels Around The World I Have Seen How Much Damage And Pollution Is Done By The Careless Disposal Of Waste. It Is Also Evident That We In The West Produce Far More And Throw Away Far More Than The Developing World, Almost Without Thinking

All I Ask Of Food Is That It Doesn't Harm Me.

I Have Been Unusually Blessed In That I've Been Allowed To Pursue Two Strands Of A Career That Both Delight Me And Seem To Please The Public.

I'm Aware That, If You Feel Down, It Can Be Strangely Unrelated To Circumstances Around You. That's Just The Way Life Is.

It Was A Strange Feeling Going Into A Church I Did Not Know For A Service That I Did Not Really Believe In, But Once Inside I Couldn't Help A Feeling Of Warmth And Security. Outside There Were Wars And Road Accidents And Murders, Striptease Clubs And Battered Babies And Frayed Tempers And Unhappy Marriages And People Contemplating Suicide And Bad Jokes, But Once In St. Martin's There Was Peace. Surely People Go To Church Not To Involve Themselves In The World's Problems But To Escape From Them.

George Harrison's Passing Was Really Sad, But It Does Make The Afterlife Seem Much More Attractive.

People Say The Most Stupid Things On The Spur Of The Moment That They Then Have To Retract.

Armageddon Is Not Around The Corner. This Is Only What The People Of Violence Want Us To Believe. The Complexity And Diversity Of The World Is The Hope For The Future.

The Buddhist Version Of Poverty Is A Situation Where You Have Nothing To Contribute.

When In Doubt, Resort To Animation.

If I Am Seen As Successful, It's All The More Reason Not To Change - Not To Lose Track Of Friends, Not To Be Driven Everywhere, Not To Go And Get Away From The World. That, To Me, Is Real Success: Enjoying What You Do, But Being The Same Person.

People Are Still Crazy About Python After Twenty-five Years, Which I Find Hard To Believe.

The Need To Eat, Sleep And Dry Out Plays Havoc With Your Sense Of Wonder.

The Trouble With Travelling Back Later On Is That You Can Never Repeat The Same Experience.

One Of The Difficult Things Of So Much Travelling Is To Say Goodbye.

Now, What Sort Of Person Would Write A Scene Where A Young Man Stumbles Upon A Castle Full Only Of Beautiful Young Women? Answer: Me!

People Look For Patterns In Everything. It's What Keeps Us Sane, I Suppose. I Struggle To See Any Patterns In My Life. I Think I Can Understand Depression A Bit Because Of My Sister. My Own Feelings Of ... I'm Aware That, If You Feel Down, It Can Be Strangely Unrelated To Circumstances Around You. That's Just The Way Life Is.

Contrary To What The Politicians And Religious Leaders Would Like Us To Believe, The World Won't Be Made Safer By Creating Barriers Between People.

I Will Die, But Not Retire.

Please Don't Ask Which I Enjoy More - Acting Or Hosting - Because I Love Them Equally.

I Always Wanted To Be An Explorer, But - It Seemed I Was Doomed To Be Nothing More Than A Very Silly Person.

As I Work In The Afternoon On Committing To Paper Some Of My Morning's Thoughts, I Find Myself Just About To Close On The Knotty Question Of Whether Or Not I Believe In God. In Fact I Am About To Type, 'i Do Not Believe In God', When The Sky Goes Black As Ink, There Is A Thunderclap And A Huge Crash Of Thunder And A Downpour Of Epic Proportions. I Never Do Complete The Sentence.

It's Not A Model If It's Full-scale, Tomkinson, It's An Icebreaker.

Ronnie Barker Was A Straightforward Man Who Had This Extraordinary Ability To Make The Nation Laugh

I Would Love To Go To Iran. The Island Of Madagascar, Everyone Says Is Pretty Exotic, Or The Wonderful Namibian Desert.

There Is Nothing Better Than Playing A Scene With John Cleese Or Maggie Smith. It's Electric. But I Don't Think I'm The Sort Of Person Who Needs To Have An Outer Ego In Order To Produce Something. I Realised That Through The Travel Programmes.

Geography Is The Subject Which Holds The Key To Our Future

I Enjoy Writing, I Enjoy My House, My Family And, More Than Anything I Enjoy The Feeling Of Seeing Each Day Used To The Full To Actually Produce Something. The End.

My Marriage Has Worked Because I Am Not Around Much.

You Don't Ask People About The Immigration Policies Of The U.k. Or Their Country's Agricultural Policy. Instead, You Talk To Them About The Meal They're Eating Or Their Family, And From That You Get The Sense Of Another Human Being, Someone We Can All Relate To.

'nice' Means Nothing. Is It Someone Who Doesn't Swear And Shout? I Swear And Shout. 'nice' Sounds Ineffectual.

There Is Barely A Country In The World Where You Will Be Completely Safe.

It's Not An Easy Option. The Essence Of Travel Is Letting Go Of Habit And Prejudice And Relishing The Unfamiliar. Food You've Never Eaten Before, A Language You've Never Spoken Before, Religion That Mystifies, Customs That Confuse, Politics That Perplex, All Question Everyday Assumptions About How You Live Your Life.

I Remember Queuing Around The Block In Sheffield When I Was Growing Up. At That Time, Going To The Cinema Was Really Something Special - There Was Something About The Style Of The Real Thing That Is Immeasurable Nicer Than Multiplexes.

I Am Not A Great Cook, I Am Not A Great Artist, But I Love Art, And I Love Food, So I Am The Perfect Traveller.

John Hall, My Geography Teacher At School Inspired Me To A Lifelong Interest In Geography And A Curiosity About Our World Which Has Stayed With Me Through My Life. Geography Is A Living, Breathing Subject, Constantly Adapting Itself To Change. It Is Dynamic And Relevant. For Me Geography Is A Great Adventure With A Purpose.

I Am Very Cautious Of People Who Are Absolutely Right, Especially When They Are Vehemently So.

[there] Are People Who Make A Complete And Utter Mockery Of 'democracy' And 'equality' - They're The Casualties Of The Primitive Rules Of Competition Which Run Our Society, And The Welfare State Just Keeps Them Alive. That's All.

I Think Some Of The Best Modern Writing Comes Now From Travellers.

I Can Be Me, And People Seem Quite Happy With That.

I Saw Novelists As Being Admirable People And I Thought... I Thought... Maybe, One Day, I Could Be One Of Them.

I'd Got Over Playing A Character. People Accepted Who I Was, And If I Was Incompetent And Useless, They Felt Quite Endeared To Me.

I Am Restless. I Don't Mind Leaving This Comfortable, Static Life. I Could Live A Year On My Own In A Remote Village.

Once The Travel Bug Bites, There Is No Known Antidote.

Somewhere, A Long Way Away, People Are Doing Sensible Things Like Mowing Lawns And Digging Gardens.

There Are People Who Travel Because They Want To Push Themselves To Physical Limits, People Who Walk Across Deserts Or Cycle Across The Antarctic - Like Ranulph Fiennes, Who Just Does It Because It's There. And Then There Are People Like Me, Who Are Just Genuinely Curious About The World.

The Human Race Should Just Slow Down And Think About What It Is Doing.

I Know That We Shall Meet Problems Along The Way, But I'd Far Rather See For Myself What's Going On In The World Outside, Than Rely On Newspapers, Television, Politicians And Religious Leaders To Tell Me What I Should Be Thinking.

Geography Prepares For The World Of Work - Geographers, With Their Skills Of Analysis Are Highly Employable!

I Don't See Why It Should Be Remarkable That You Can Acquire A Reputation For Fairness And Decency. Those Are Qualities Shared By So Many People. And The Great Majority Of People I Meet Are Decent People, Just Trying To Navigate Their Way Through The World Without Causing Too Much Trouble.

I Wanted To Be An Explorer, But Gradually Found The World Had Been Explored And That There Was Nowhere Left, Really. Once They Climbed Everest In 1953, When I Was 10 Years Old, I Thought, 'well, That's Pretty Much It Now.' But The Idea Of Travelling And Exploring And Adventure Was Very Strong.

I've Never Particularly Liked Travelling With Large Groups Or Being Told Where To Go By Somebody Else. I Prefer To Find Out For Myself.

I Got My First Lifetime Achievement Award Years Ago, And I Was Very Excited, But Then I Got A Sense Of: Well, Can One Get A Second Lifetime Award?

Listen -- Strange Women Lying In Ponds Distributing Swords Is No Basis For A System Of Government. Supreme Executive Power Derives From A Mandate From The Masses, Not From Some Farcical Aquatic Ceremony.

I Cut Down Trees, I Skip And Jump, I Like To Press Wild Flowers. I Put On Women's Clothing And Hang Around In Bars.

Once The Travel Bug Bites There Is No Known Antidote, And I Know That I Shall Be Happily Infected Until The End Of My Life

I Want People To Know There Is More To Somalia Than Looting And Piracy.

If Atheists Are Deaf To The Word Of God, Then Theists Are Blind To The Ways Of Man.

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