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I'm Very Good At Integral And Differential Calculus, I Know The Scientific Names Of Beings Animalculous; In Short, In Matters Vegetable, Animal, And Mineral, I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-general.

-W. S. Gilbert

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I'm Very Good At

W. S. Gilbert

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I'm Very Good At Integral And Differential Calculus, I Know The Scientific Names Of Beings Animalculous; In Short, In Matters Vegetable, Animal, And Mineral, I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-general.

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There's A Fascination Frantic In A Ruin That's Romantic.

If You're Anxious To Shine In The High Aesthetic Line As A Man Of Culture Rare, You Must Get Up All The Germs Of The Transcendental Terms, And Plant Them Everywhere.

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Posterity Shall Know Of Me Even Less Than I Shall Know Of Posterity.

Oh! A Private Buffoon Is A Light-hearted Loon, If You Listen To Popular Rumour; From Morning To Night He's So Joyous And Bright, And He Bubbles With Wit And Good Humour!

When A Felon S Not Engaged In His Employment, Or Maturing His Felonious Little Plans, His Capacity For Innocent Enjoyment Is Just As Great As Any Honest Mans.

For Duty, Duty Must Be Done; The Rule Applies To Everyone.

Then A Sentimental Passion Of A Vegetable Fashion Must Excite Your Languid Spleen, An Attachment A La Plato For A Bashful Young Potato, Or A Not-too-french French Bean!

Oh, Don't The Days Seem Lank And Long When All Goes Right And Nothing Goes Wrong, And Isn't Your Life Extremely Flat With Nothing Whatever To Grumble At!

If Your Master Is Surly, From Getting Up Early (and Tempers Are Short In The Morning), An Inopportune Joke Is Enough To Provoke Him To Give You, At Once, A Month's Warning.

In The Discovery Of Secret Things And In The Investigation Of Hidden Causes, Stronger Reasons Are Obtained From Sure Experiments And Demonstrated Arguments Than From Probable Conjectures And The Opinions Of Philosophical Speculators Of The Common Sort.

It Is A Glorious Thing To Be A Pirate King.

Roll On, Thou Ball, Roll On! Through Pathless Realms Of Space, Roll On!

To Sit In Solemn Silence On A Dull, Dark Dock In A Pestilential Prison With A Life-long Lock Awaiting The Sensation Of A Short, Sharp Shock From A Cheap And Chippy Chopper On A Big, Black Block.

Wherever Valor True Is Found, True Modesty Will There Abound.

I See No Objection To Stoutness, In Moderation.

If I Can Wheedle A Knife Or A Needle, Why Not A Silver Churn?

He Did Nothing In Particular, And Did It Very Well.

He Led His Regiment From Behind. He Found It Less Exciting.

What Though I Cannot Meet My Bills? What Though I Suffer Toothache's Ills? What Though I Swallow Countless Pills?

Utopia's Quite Another Land; In Her Enterprising Movements, She Is England--with Improvements

I've An Irritating Chuckle, I've A Celebrated Sneer, I've An Entertaining Snigger, I've A Fascinating Leer; To Everybody's Prejudice I Know A Thing Or Two; I Can Tell A Woman's Age In Half A Minute--and I Do

Darwinian Man, Though Well-behaved, At Best Is Only A Monkey Shaved.

Evolution Of Man

Life's Perhaps The Only Riddle That We Shrink From Giving Up.

It Isn't So Much What's On The Table That Matters, As What's On The Chairs.

All Bayonets Are Bad.

When In That House Mps Divide/if They've A Brain And Cerebellum, Too/they've Got To Leave That Brain Outside/and Vote Just As Their Leaders Tell 'em To.

When You Are Lying Awake With A Dismal Headache, And Repose Is Tabooed By Anxiety, I Conceive You May Use Any Language You Choose To Indulge In Without Impropriety.

The Privilege And Pleasure That We Treasure Beyond Measure Is To Run On Little Errands For The Ministers Of State.

Love, Unrequited, Robs Me Of My Rest: Love, Hopeless Love, My Ardent Soul Encumbers: Love, Nightmare-like, Lies Heavy On My Chest, And Weaves Itself Into My Midnight Slumbers!

On My Face Extended Flat I Was Walloped With A Cat For Listening At The Key-hole Of The Door.

Things Are Seldom What They Seem.

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I Am A Courtier Grave And Serious Who Is About To Kiss Your Hand: Try To Combine A Pose Imperious With A Demeanour Nobly Bland.

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So I Fell In Love With A Rich Attorney's Elderly Ugly Daughter.

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Bow, Bow, Ye Lower Middle Classes! Bow, Bow, Ye Tradesmen, Bow, Ye Masses!

I Am, In Point Of Fact, A Particularly Haughty And Exclusive Person, Of Pre-adamite Ancestral Descent. You Will Understand This When I Tell You That I Can Trace My Ancestry Back To A Protoplasmal Primordial Atomic Globule.

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I Accept Refreshment At Any Hands, However Lowly.

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Man Is Nature's Sole Mistake.

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