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I'd Rather Fiddle With My Phone For Precious Seconds Than Neglect An Apostrophe; I'd Rather Insert A Word Laboriously Keyed Out Than Resort To Predictive Texting For A - Acceptable To Some - Synonym.

-Will Self

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I'd Rather Fiddle With

Will Self

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I'd Rather Fiddle With My Phone For Precious Seconds Than Neglect An Apostrophe; I'd Rather Insert A Word Laboriously Keyed Out Than Resort To Predictive Texting For A - Acceptable To Some - Synonym.

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More From Will Self

Wealth Is A Form Of Power In Our Society. With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. If You Have Too Much Wealth, Ipso Facto, You Have Too Much Power - Therefore You Have Too Much Responsibility - And You're A Kind Of Dictator.

Why Is Mr Universe Always From Earth?

It Might Be An Idea For All Literary Critics To Read The Books They Analyse Aloud - It Certainly Helps To Fix Them In The Mind, While Providing A Readymade Seminar With Your Audience.

There's A Flip Side To Having Prominent Public Intellectuals, Which Is That They Start Meddling In Politics And Often With Quite Disastrous Results.

I'd Rather Fiddle With My Phone For Precious Seconds Than Neglect An Apostrophe; I'd Rather Insert A Word Laboriously Keyed Out Than Resort To Predictive Texting For A - Acceptable To Some - Synonym.

Mother Sighed With Exasperation. "look, There Aren't Any "people In Charge Of Death". When You Die You Move To Another Part Of London, That's All There Is To It. Period.

What The British Seem To Like Are Television Historians And Naturalists, Not Public Intellectuals. You Can't Help Feeling That's Because One Supplies Narrative And The Other Supplies Facts, And The British Are Traditionally Empiricists So They/we Have A Resistance To Theory And To Theoreticians Playing Too Prominent A Role In Public Life.

As A Bookish Adolescent, I Sopped Up Texts As If I Were Blotting Paper And They Were Fluid.

Live Life And Write About Life. Of The Making Of Many Books There Is Indeed No End, But There Are More Than Enough Books About Books.

My Novels Tend To Come About From A Fusion Of Two Big Ideas, Creating A Critical Mass That Then Fissions, Throwing Off Hundreds Of Other Particles, Riffs, Tropes And Characters.

As For Critical Writing About Modernism, Its Moments Of Lucidity Are But Fulgurations Illuminating The Dark And Incomprehensible Landscape Of Its Subject's Unabashed Difficulty.

To Attempt To Write Seriously Is Always, I Feel, To Fail - The Disjunction Between My Beautifully Sonorous, Accurate And Painfully Affecting Mental Content, And The Leaden, Halting Sentences On The Page Always Seems A Dreadful Falling Short.

You May Have Gathered That I Am Not The Most Cheerful Of Revellers - Some Characterise Me As The Death And Soullessness Of Any Party But It Wasn't Always So, Believe Me.

Continuous Present Is All We Have, And Stream Of Consciousness - Which In A Novel Is Arguably Just As Artificial As The Stilted Dialogue That You Get In Most Conventional Novels. They're All Stratagems To Try To Get Closer To The Texture Of Lived Life.

So Heedless Have We Become Of Our Own Image That Second-hand Mobile Phones Now Invariably Come With A Sim Card Chock-full Of Discarded Intimacies.

Most Of Us Have Had That Experience - At Around Puberty - Of Realising That, Despite Whatever Efforts We Put Into Our Chosen Sports, We Will Become At Best Competent.

Sometimes The Crowd Is The Madness - At Others It's The Absence Of The Crowd That Is.

I Like Texting As Much As The Next Kidult - And Embrace It As Yet More Evidence, Along With Email, That We Live Now In The Post-aural Age, When An Unsolicited Phone Call Is, Thankfully, Becoming More And More Understood To Be An Unspeakable Social Solecism, Tantamount To An Impertinent Invasion Of Privacy.

If The Government Announced That It Was Going To Allocate A Vast Tranche Of Education Funding Purely To The Pupils At The Best Public Schools, There Would Be A National Outcry - And Yet This Is Precisely What The Olympics Represents In Terms Of Sports Funding.

You Can Always Spot A 'television Personality', Even When They Aren't Actually On Television, Because They Carry Their 'made-up' Persona In Front Of Them, Like Some Sort Of Baffler, Or Ready Brek Force Field. Their Reach For Notoriety Predicated On That Fulsome Mediocrity Of Talent Detailed Above Has Become Frozen In Their Faces.

With Spectacular Events Taking Up So Much Of The Available Anxiety Quotient, We Need To Be Constantly Reminded Of The More Workaday Threats To Our Mortality - Threats That, While They May Also Be Functions Of Human Error, Have Become So Ubiquitous That We've Begun To Apprehend Them As Natural Phenomena.

Just As The Blurring Between Childhood And Adulthood Has Produced The Kidult, So The Stretching Of Middle Into Old Age Has Fostered Another Peculiar Chimera: Septuagenarians With Apoptosis Sporting The Depeche Mode.

A Short Story Is A Shard, A Sliver, A Vignette. It's A Biopsy On The Human Condition But It Doesn't Have This Capacity To Think Autonomously For Itself.

I Loathe Computers More And More, So I Have One I Can Shut Down And Shelve Like A Book.

From Time To Time, As If Heaven-sent To Annoy, Someone Will Ask Me If I'm Self-disciplined When It Comes To My Work. I Usually Look Witheringly At Them And Snarl, 'what Do You Think?' I Mean, How Do You Imagine Anyone Writes A Quarter Of A Million Words A Year For Publication?

Sometimes It Occurs To Me That The Job Of A Serious Cultural Critic Mostly Consists In Telling The Generality Of People That Their Opinions - On Films, On Books, On All Manner Of Widgets, Gadgets And Even The Latest Electronic Fidgets - Simply Aren't Up To Scratch.

Here We Meet, On The Page, Naked And Unadorned: Shorn Of Class, Race, Gender, Sexual Identity, Age And Nationality.

People Tend To Think Of Their Lives As Having A Dramatic Arc, Because They Read Too Much Fiction.

The Only Proper Suit-and-tie Job I've Had In My Life Was The Two Years In The Late 1980s When I Ran A Small Corporate Publishing Company. I Even Had A Ford Sierra!

Always Carry A Notebook. And I Mean Always.

Not Only Is The Statistical Madness An Assault On Individuality, It's Also One On Temporality Too. Statistics - Even When Accurate - Are Only An Image Of The Past That Can Then Be Photoshopped Before Being Pasted On To The Future.

It Is Fair To Say That Insofar As Sport Is Taken Seriously By Those Who Play It, Then To That Extent Their Conduct In Play - Their Ability To Deal With Loss Or Victory, Their Ability To Meld Strategic Thinking And Brute Force - Can Be Taken As A Small-scale Model Of How They, Or Others Like Them, Might Behave In Life.

There Is Something Mysteriously Powerful That Can Happen When Young, Inchoate Minds Come Into Contact With Older And More Worldly Ones In A Spirit Of Intellectual And Creative Endeavour - If I Believed In Progress, I Suppose That's What I'd Call It.

Well, I Wanted To Be A Philosopher, Which Is The Idlest Occupation In The World. I Wanted To Be Involved In Abstract Thought, But Because Of Various Problems With The Authorities I Wasn't Able To Pull That One Off. A Lifetime Of Idleness In Academia Would Have Really Suited Me. So I Was Thrown Out, As It Were. Other Than That, There Seemed No Possible Idle Occupations, So Writing . . . Although Writing Isn't Exactly Idleness. There's An Enormous Tension Between Indolence And Languor.

In My View The Plangent Artificiality Of A Lot Of Creative Work Results From The Fact That The People Who Write Novels, Direct Films And Put On Plays Tend To Read Too Many Novels, Watch Too Many Films And Go To Too Many Plays.

I'm Very Happy For Whatever Plaudits Might Come The Way Of My Work, But I Never Ever Sit Down To Write X With Y In View - Whether It's A Reader, A Prize Or A Sale.

Because I Was A Young Man So, Of Course, I Did Get Into Fights. The Last Time I Actually Was In A Fight, In The Sense Of Throwing Punches Myself, Was Probably When I Was At College, Not Since 1980. But I Remember Being Attacked Quite A Few Times In The '80s.

I Think I Now Understand Why It Is That The Young Are So Very Nostalgic. They Have So Little By Way Of Personal History That They Polish It Up And Make It Shine Like A Treasured Heirloom.

I Think In Retrospect That All Those 'alternative'modes Of Living Were Little More Than Exercises In Arrested Development.

Whatever Respect Photography May Once Have Deserved Is Now Superfluous In View Of Its Own Superfluity.

I Write Because I Feel Driven To Write. I Write From A Sense Of Inner Necessity. I Don't Write For Anything Other Than That.

I Write As Someone Who Has No More Time For Repressive Islam Than He Does For Repressive Christianity Or Judaism, But At Least Look At The Face In The Hijab - And Try To Imagine The One Beneath The Niqab - Before You Depersonalise Its Wearer.

There Can Be No More Thrilling Idea Of Intimacy That Connecting With Someone Through The Agency Of The Written Word. Here We Meet, On The Page, Naked And Unadorned: Shorn Of Class, Race, Gender, Sexual Identity, Age And Nationality. The Reader I Seek Is A Tautology, For He/she Is Simply Exactly The Person Who Wants To Read What I Have Written...

Once The Working Classes Were In Chains, Now They're In Chain Restaurants.

You Don't Need To Know This - But Here Goes: Due To Some Acquired Infantilism, I Feel Compelled To Fall Asleep Listening To The Radio. On A Good Night, I'll Push The Frail Barque Of My Psyche Off Into The Waters Of Lethe Accompanied By The Midnight Newsreader - On A Bad One, It's The Shipping Forecast.

Lust Was A Positive High-tension Cable, Plugged Into My Core, Activating A Near-epileptic Seizure Of Conviction That This Was The One Thing I Had To Do In Life.

The Seventies Were My Fattest Decade. Overall I Think The Seventies Were Distinctly Bulbous. People Looked Chunky, Typefaces Were Rounded, Writing Implements Penile.

Don't Look Back Until You've Written An Entire Draft.

The Cynics Are Correct The Sense Of Freewill Is Only That Feeling Which We Have When We Take The Necessitated Option That Most Appeals To Us.

Drug Use And Procrastination Often Go Hand In Tourniquet.

Procrastination

Television Is The Same As The Telephone, And The Same As The World Wide Web For That Matter. People Who Become Obsessed By The Peculiarities Of These Communications Media Have Simply Failed To Adjust To The Shock Of The Old. People Who Bleat On About The 'artistic' Potential Of Television Qua Television Are Equally Deluded.

Whenever I Produce My Best Work, It's Always Because I've Spent Time Being Idle. Something Always Emerges After Nothing.

In Survey After Survey, People Report That The Greatest Dangers They Face Are, In This Order: Terrorist Attack, Plane Crashes And Nuclear Accidents. This Despite The Fact That These Three Combined Have Killed Fewer People In The Past Half-century Than Car Accidents Do In Any Given Year.

The Great Liberty Of The Fictional Writer Is To Let The Imagination Out Of The Traces And See It Gallop Off Over The Horizon.

The Writing Life Is Essentially One Of Solitary Confinement - If You Can't Deal With This, You Needn't Apply.

The Life Of The Professional Writer - Like That Of Any Freelance, Whether She Be A Plumber Or A Podiatrist - Is Predicated On Willpower. Without It There Simply Wouldn't Be Any Remuneration, Period.

Things Are Only Boring If You Are Boring.

As A Writer, I'm Not Convinced That We Are The Best Equipped To Understand How We Go About The Business Of Literary Production.

What More Chilling Indictment Of The Modern World Is There Than This: That The Condition Of The Smartphone User Is That Of A Dumb Animal. Moooo!

In Our Benighted Age, When Films About Amusement Park Rides And Electronic Fidgets Scoop The Honours, Perhaps Hollywood Redux Is The Best We Can Hope For.

The Future Continues To Preoccupy Me As A Reliable Source Of Hopes, Fears And Anxieties, But Increasingly The Present Seems To Have No Outstanding Qualities Of Its Own, Being Merely A Way-station Through Which Events Travel To The Vast Shadow Lands Of The Past.

The Whole Aesthetics Of Computers Very Much Feeds Into My Ocd. They Fill My Head With Obsessionalities And My Actions Become Very Repetitive. It Seems Quite Inimical To The Dreamy State Out Of Which Fiction Comes Which Seems So Much Less Causally Repetitive Than The Way One Works On Computers.

Vaughn's Vision Is Older, Wiser And Harder Than Ritchie's.

I Used To Find Myself Goofed Out In The Street On Drugs. And I Had Such A Bad Problem With Addiction At The Time That I Didn't Mind. I Was Dealing Cocaine And Shooting Up A Lot Of Cocaine. And That's Not A Good Space To Be In.

Life, It Is True, Can Be Grasped In All Its Confused Futility Merely By Opening One's Eyes And Sitting Passively, A Spectator On The Stands Of History - But To Understand The Social Processes And Conflicts, The Interplay Between Individual And Group, Even The Physicality Of Human Experience, We Have Need Of Small-scale Models.

Futility Of Life

I Think The Fundamental Apprehension Is That The City's An Organism Of Some Form, Rather Than Being Governed From Above.

Lives Don't Divide Up Into Chapters. People Don't Just Talk, While Nothing's Going On In Their Head, And Then Respond. You Know, None Of These Things Actually Happen.

Without A Shadow Of Doubt, Trafalgar Square Has To Be One Of The Most Crap Urban Public Spaces In The World.

There Is A Deep Sadness To American Poverty, Greater Than The Sadness Of Any Other Kind. It's Because America Has Such An Ideology Of Success.

For Myself, I Haven't Been Content To Carry On Producing Books That Merely Strain Against The Conventions - As I've Grown Older, And Realised That There Aren't That Many Books Left For Me To Write, So I've Become Determined That They Should Be The Fictive Equivalent Of Ripping The Damn Corset Off Altogether And Chucking It On The Fire.

I Think It's A Misreading Of Dostoevsky To Think Of Him As A Programmatic Theist. He's Actually Much Closer To Someone Like William James. He's Actually A Pragmatist.

If The Seventies Were Bulbous, And The Eighties Sharp, The Nineties Were Nothing But Bogus.

What Fiction Offers Us Is An Intimacy Shorn Of The Messy Contingencies Of Human Existence - Gender, Race, Class Or Age. Those Moments Of Transcendence When We Exclaim "you Know Exactly What I Mean!" Depend For Much Of Their Force On The Anonymous Character Of The Intimacy Between Writer And Reader.

Sometimes, When I Hear People Without Experience Of Addiction Blame Addicts For Their Behaviour I Feel Like Saying To Them: "you Simply Don't Understand - How Can A Child Be Held Responsible For Doing Such A Dreadful Thing To Himself?" But Then Again, At Other Times I Have To Acknowledge: It Was Done Wilfully.

Many Of My Works Fall Into The Category Of "zeitgeist Novels." Yet I Hope That They Aren't Only Reportage, But Also Attempts To Convey The Sense Of The Present To The Future.

I'm English Enough To Feel Something Of A Gut-reaction To Modernism, To Continental Philosophising And Anything That Smacks Of A Refusal To Pay Attention To The Forensics: The Empirical Facts On The Ground.

As A Species, We're Addicted To The Facile Discrimination Involved In Saying That Something Or Phenomenon Is Either 'this' Or 'that' - How Much More Uncomfortable That It May Well Be 'the Other'.

Don't Look Back Until You've Written An Entire Draft, Just Begin Each Day From The Last Sentence You Wrote The Preceeding Day. This Prevents Those Cringing Feelings, And Means That You Have A Substantial Body Of Work Before You Get Down To The Real Work Which Is All In . . . The Edit.

Some People Have Human Muses - Mine Is A City. I Feel A Startling Ambivalence Towards London, But For Better Or Worse My Work Has Come Utterly To Depend Upon It.

As The Render Is To The Building, And The Blueprint To The Machine, So Sport Is To Social Existence.

I'm Going To End Up Like One Of Those Old Weirdos Who Lives In A Network Of Tunnels Burrowed Through Trash - Yet I Do Not Fear This.

If We Bought Everything On The Internet, Our Eyes And Mouths And Nostrils Would Probably Begin To Film Over With A Tegument - One Initially Tissue-thin And Capable Of Being Removed Each Morning, But Which Gradually Thickened And Hardened Until We Were Imprisoned In Our Own Tiny Minds.

Schadenfreude Is So Nutritious.

So I Was Smacked Up On The Prime Minister's Jet – Big Deal.

I Enjoy Doing Very High Mileages, Partly Out Of Masochism And Also Because I Like To Feel The Shape Of The Landscape.

I Can't Remember Who It Was Who Advocated That You Should March With The Left And Dine With The Right But I've Often Concurred, Taking The View That I Personify The Great Tolerance Of Britain By Consenting To Being Regally Entertained. Besides, There Is A Degree Of Truth In The View That While The Left Are Worthier, The Right Are Wittier.

If You Believe Something, You Can Have A Morality That Means Something As Well. You Can Feel Recognized As An Individual Within The Universe; It Can Give Meaning To Who You Are.

Modernism Has A Reputation For Being A Forbidding Phenomenon: Its Visual Arts Disconcertingly Non-representational, Its Literary Efforts Devoid Of The Consolations Of Plot And Character - Even Its Films, It's Argued, Fall Well Short Of That True Desideratum: Entertainment.

Regard Yourself As A Small Corporation Of One. Take Yourself Off On Team-building Exercises (long Walks). Hold A Christmas Party Every Year At Which You Stand In The Corner Of Your Writing Room, Shouting Very Loudly To Yourself While Drinking A Bottle Of White Wine. Then Masturbate Under The Desk. The Following Day You Will Feel A Deep And Cohering Sense Of Embarrassment.

Political Activists Of All Stripes Are Usually A Wacky Bunch, And Never More So Than In A System Like Britain's, Where Power Is Effected Via The Quiescence Of The Electorate As Much As Its Convictions.

Nowadays, My Mood Ungoverned, I'm Free To Think The Most Outrageous Things, Such As: Might It Not Be A Good Idea To Insist That Drug Companies Give Their Preparations Names That Tell The User What They Really Do?

The Novelist, Quite Rightly, Fears The Psychoanalyst As Both An Enemy And A Usurper.

I Always Wanted To Write Fiction. Always. As Far Back As I Can Remember It's Been Integral To My Sense Of Myself - Everything Else Was Always A Displacement Activity.

I'm An Anarchist. I'm Implacably Opposed To Heirarchical Systems Of Power And Control. I Also Mistrust Crowds, As They Often Operate According To Their Lowest Common Denominator. In Terms Of Evolutionary Psychology, The Crowd Is Very Close To A Herd Of Stampeding Wildebeest.

It Is Not That Sport, Over-indulged In, Coarsens The Mind; It Is That It Dulls It.

In Truth, Even If They Have An Imperfect Insight Into Their Own Methods, I Still Slightly Mistrust Writers Of Fiction Who Are Assured Literary Critics; It Makes Me Suspect That They Favour The Word Over The World It Should Describe. Such Scribes Fall Victim Too Easily To The Solecism Of Equating Style With Morality.

When Anyone Starts Out To Do Something Creative - Especially If It Seems A Little Unusual - They Seek Approval, Often From Those Least Inclined To Give It. But A Creative Life Cannot Be Sustained By Approval, Any More Than It Can Be Destroyed By Criticism - You Learn This As You Go On.

I Am A Regular If Not Exactly Enthusiastic Patron Of My Local Bookshop. I Try To Buy At Least Some Books There Because I Cling To The Belief That It's Important To Maintain Those Businesses Which Put A Human Face On The Exchange Of Money For Goods And Services.

The High Arts Of Literature And Music Stand In A Curious Relationship To One Another, At Once Securely Comfortable And Deeply Uneasy - Rather Like A Long-term Marriage.

You Know That Sickening Feeling Of Inadequacy And Over-exposure You Feel When You Look Upon Your Own Empurpled Prose? Relax Into The Awareness That This Ghastly Sensation Will Never, Ever Leave You, No Matter How Successful And Publicly Lauded You Become. It Is Intrinsic To The Real Business Of Writing And Should Be Cherished.

When George Vi - Displaying A Flair For Timing That Was Utterly Absent In His Lifetime - Upped And Died, The Way Was Clear For Her To Inhabit Her Logical Position As The Eminence Cerise, The Bolster Behind The Throne.

I Do Have A Fantasy Life In Which I Can Grout Bathrooms - But Not For A Living.

The Marvellous Thing About Writing, Whether It Be Fiction Or Journalism, Is That It Is Simultaneously The Most Intimate And The Most Anonymous Of Meetings Between People. It Is Profoundly Intimate In Reaching Into The Psyche Of Another, At The Same Time As Being Devoid Of Social Characteristics, Cultural Characteristics, Economic Characteristics.

Is There Anything More Useless Than A Crouton? I Sometimes Wake Up In The Small Hours With A Start And Realise That What's Roused Me Is An Overpowering Urge To Visit Violence On Its Originator.

The Fictional Work Is A Kind Of Actor That Wears A Satirical Garb But Can Put On Other Costumes As Well.

A Party Full Of 'likeable' People Doesn't Bear Contemplating.

I Prefer To Write First Drafts As Soon As Possible After Waking, So That The Oneiric Inscape Is Still Present To Me.

Ideologists Of All Kinds Find A Strange Sort Of Comfort In The Madness Of The Crowd; It Confirms Them In Their Suspicion That History, Far From Being Made By The Great Mass Of Individuals - As Marx Averred - Is Rather Unmade By A Single Massive Individual, A Collective Other, Who Stands In Stark Contrast To You And He.

I Have A Healthy Appetite For Solitude. If You Don't, You Have No Business Being A Writer.

A Creative Life Cannot Be Sustained By Approval, Any More Than It Can Be Destroyed By Criticism.

I Think Of Writing As A Sculptural Medium. You Are Not Building Things. You Are Removing Things, Chipping Away At Language To Reveal A Living Form.

Building Things

That Tertiary Education Is Under A Sustained Assault By A Political And - It Often Seems - Social Consensus That Equates All Education With Training For Increased Productivity, Only Makes Academe A Still More Promising Environment For A Contrarian.

As Far As I Can See, The History Of Experimental Art In The Twentieth Century Is Intimately Bound Up With The Experience Of Intoxification.

We've Clearly Entered A Period In Which The Analog Of Text Is No Longer Important Or Relevant. All Text Will Be Electronic. I Accept That Fact. My House Has Thousands Of Books In It, And I've Started To Look At Them Completely Differently. They Now Seem To Me To Be Like Antiquarian Objects. Their Use Value Has Become Negligible To Me Because I'm Perfectly Happy To Read On An E-reader.

I Make No Apology For Preoccupying Myself With Architecture, Television, Conceptual Art, Restaurants And Jane Asher's Cakes.

One Of The Most Heartening Phenomena In Today's Britain Is The Great Diversity Of The Modern Nerd - The Nerd Is Out And Proud, And While She May Love 'buffy The Vampire Slayer' Merchandise More Than Is Strictly Warranted, She Is In Every Way To Be Cherished As An Exemplar Of Cosmopolitanism And Tolerance.

Always Carry A Notebook. And I Mean Always. The Short-term Memory Only Retains Information For Three Minutes; Unless It Is Committed To Paper You Can Lose An Idea For Ever.

Like All Right-listening Folk, I Am An Implacable Enemy Of All Muzak.

...catching A Glimpse Of His Rather Hippyish Form In A Mirror, He Wonders At This Atavism Of Apparel, Is It An Inversion Of Foetal Ontogeny, In Which The Phenotype Passes Through Previous Fashion Stages? Soon There Will Be Gaiters And Gloves...i Will Probably Die, He Thinks, Clad In Animal Skins.

Certainly, For Time Out Of Mind, An Obsessive Dwelling On Happier Former Days Has Been Synonymous With Getting Older, While It Was The Juvenescent Who Rushed With Open Arms To Embrace The Future.

I Don't Think In Terms Of That Bizarre Tautology 'value For Money' In My Literary And Journalistic Work - And Nor Will I In My Academic Role. However, If I Don't Believe I'm Helping My Students Towards A Fuller And More Empowering Relationship With The World, Then I'll Resign.

The British And American Literary Worlds Operate In An Odd Kind Of Symbiosis: Our Critics Think Our Contemporary Novelists Are Not The Stuff Of Greatness Whereas Certain Contemporary Americans Indubitably Are. Their Critics Often Advance The Exact Opposite: British Fiction Is Cool, American Naff.

This Is The Paradox For Me: In Failure Alone Is There Any Possibility Of Success. I Don't Think I'm Alone In This - Nor Do I Think It's An Attitude That Only Prevails Among People Whose Work Is Obviously "creative".

Of Course, With Well-masticated Food Playing The Role Of Social Glue, It's Absolutely Essential That Everyone Clear Their Plate. Sod The Starving Kiddies In Africa - It's The Overfed Ones Here We Need To Worry About.

Death, The Real Simile For Disease - For When We Are Ill, Do We Not Always Feel Like We Are Dying, Even If It's Only A Little? - Remains, Despite Our Secularism, The Most Metaphoricised Phenomenon Of All.

It Could Be Argued That Every Age Gets The Comfort Savagery Writer It Deserves.

A Very Beautiful Young Woman Once Asked Me To Sign Her Breasts. That Was Back When I Was A Hip Young Thing - It's Been All Downhill Since Then.

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