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I'd Finished The First Two [books] And They Were Going To To Be Published, And [editor] Said, "we Need You To Write A Summary That Will Drive People To These Books." And It Took Forever. I Couldn't Think Of A Thing To Say. I Looked At The Back Of Other Children's Books That Were Full Of Giddy Praise And Corny Rhetorical Questions, You Know, "will She Have A Better Time At Summer Camp Than She Thinks?" "how Will She Escape From The Troll's Dungeon?" All These Terrible, Terrible Summaries Of Books, And I Just Couldn't.

-Daniel Handler

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I'd Finished The First

Daniel Handler

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I'd Finished The First Two [books] And They Were Going To To Be Published, And [editor] Said, "we Need You To Write A Summary That Will Drive People To These Books." And It Took Forever. I Couldn't Think Of A Thing To Say. I Looked At The Back Of Other Children's Books That Were Full Of Giddy Praise And Corny Rhetorical Questions, You Know, "will She Have A Better Time At Summer Camp Than She Thinks?" "how Will She Escape From The Troll's Dungeon?" All These Terrible, Terrible Summaries Of Books, And I Just Couldn't.

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The Miracle Is The Adverbs, The Way Things Are Done.

For Beatrice, When We Met, My Life Began. Soon Afterwards, Yours Ended.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

It Is Very Difficult To Make One's Way In This World Without Being Wicked At One Time Or Another, When The World's Way Is So Wicked To Being With.

It Is Easy To Decide On What Is Wrong To Wear To A Party, Such As Deep-sea Diving Equipment Or A Pair Of Large Pillows, But Deciding What Is Right Is Much Trickier.

The Expression 'those Who Can't Do, Teach' Is A Curious One, Because If You Look At The World , You'll See That Teachers Aren't Particularly Worse At Doing Things Than Anyone Else, So Perhaps The Expression Might Be Better Worded As 'nobody Can Do Anything

I Don't Think Film Is The Writer's Medium, And So I Was Interested To See What A Director Would Do With It.

There's An Easy Method For Finding Someone When You Hear Them Scream. First Get A Clean Sheet Of Paper And A Sharp Pencil. Then Sketch Out Nine Rows Of Fourteen Squares Each. Then Throw The Piece Of Paper Away And Find Whoever Is Screaming So You Can Help Them. It Is No Time To Fiddle With Paper.

How Do You Forget Something? You Just Walk Away From It, Those Who Are Still Alive. There Are So Few Clearings In Our Hearts And Minds, So Few Places Where Something Can't Grow On Top Of Whatever Happened To Us Before, And This Is Love Too.

Wicked People Never Have Time For Reading. It's One Of The Reasons For Their Wickedness.

Someone Feeling Wronged Is Like Someone Feeling Thirsty. Don’t Tell Them They Aren’t. Sit With Them And Have A Drink.

The Expression "following Suit" Is A Curious One, Because It Has Nothing To Do With Walking Behind A Matching Set Of Clothing. If You Follow Suit, It Means You Do The Same Thing Somebody Else Has Just Done. If All Of Your Friends Decided To Jump Off A Bridge Into The Icy Waters Of An Ocean Or River, For Instance, And You Jumped In Right After Them, You Would Be Following Suit. You Can See Why Following Suit Can Be A Dangerous Thing To Do, Because You Could End Up Drowning Simply Because Somebody Else Thought Of It First.

Announcing Your Death Should Be Like Announcing That You Are A Lunar Moth: It Must Be Done Quietly Or It Will Not Be Believed.

Those Unable To Catalog The Past Are Doomed To Repeat It.

Why Not Rise From The Grave And Terrorize A Little Instead Of Staying Buried And Dead In The Cemetery?

For Some Stories, It's Easy. The Moral Of 'the Three Bears,' For Instance, Is "never Break Into Someone Else's House.' The Moral Of 'snow White' Is 'never Eat Apples.' The Moral Of World War I Is 'never Assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.

They Were Almond Cookies, Although They Could Have Been Made Of Spinach And Shoes For All I Cared. I Ate Eleven Of Them, Right In A Row. It Is Rude To Take The Last Cookie.

You Know, There's A Big World Out There Filled With Desperate Orphans Who Would Gladly Swim Across An Ocean Of Thumbtacks Just To Be Eclipsed By The Long Shadow That Is Cast By My Accomplishments.

One Of The World's Most Popular Entertainments Is A Deck Of Cards, Which Contains Thirteen Each Of Four Suits, Highlighted By Kings, Queens And Jacks, Who Are Possibly The Queen's Younger, More Attractive Boyfriends.

Popular Entertainment

I Find Reading Screenplays Difficult, As They're Only A Roadmap For What A Movie Might End Up Being.

Stop Saying No Offense,” I Said, “when You Say Offensive Things. It’s Not A Free Pass.

Put Your Hair Up, Min. The Secret Ingredient Is Not Your Hair.

It Is Not The Diamonds Or The Birds, The People Or The Potatoes, It Is Not Any Of The Nouns. The Miracle Is The Adverbs, The Way Things Are Done. It Is The Way Love Gets Done Despite Every Catastrophe.

For Beatrice - You Will Always Be In My Mind, In My Heart And In Your Grave.

Criminals Should Be Punished, Not Fed Pastries.

I Think There Are Probably Just As Many Adults Who Would Miss The Humor Of My Books, If Not More, As There Are Children.

Tears Are Curious Things, For Like Earthquakes Or Puppet Shows, They Can Occur At Any Time, Without Any Warning And Without Any Good Reason.

Of Course I'm Trying To Trick You! That's The Way Of The World, Baudelaires. Everyone Runs Around With Their Secrets And Their Schemes, Trying To Outwit Everyone Else.

Keep Anyone With Whom You Can Read In Silence.

I Can't Imagine Why You Would Want To Take Your Child To See What The Career Of A Writer Is Like, Because It Mostly Consists Of Sitting In A Room Typing, Or Going To The Library And Looking Something Up. Those Are Not Exciting Things To Watch.

It Is Very Frustrating Not To Be Understood In This World. If You Say One Thing And Keep Being Told That You Mean Something Else, It Can Make You Want To Scream. But Somewhere In The World There Is A Place For All Of Us, Whether You Are An Electric Form Of Decoration, Peppermint-scented Sweet, A Source Of Timber, Or A Potato Pancake.

With The Publishing Of The Basic Eight, It Was Often Assumed That I Was Really Immature And Callow, And With The Publishing Of Watch Your Mouth, It Was Assumed That I Was Oversexualized, And With Lemony Snicket, It's Often Assumed That I'm Erudite And Depressed. But All The Voices More Or Less Came Naturally To Me.

Shyness Is A Curious Thing, Because, Like Quicksand, It Can Strike People At Any Time, And Also, Like Quicksand, It Usually Makes Its Victims Look Down.

Just Because Something Is Traditional Is No Reason To Do It, Of Course. Piracy, For Example, Is A Tradition That Has Been Carried On For Hundreds Of Years, But That Doesn't Mean We Should All Attack Ships And Steal Their Gold.

The Key To Good Eavesdropping Is Not Getting Caught.

Writing Is A Dying Form. One Reads Of This Every Day.

A Library Is Like An Island In The Middle Of A Vast Sea Of Ignorance, Particularly If The Library Is Very Tall And The Surrounding Area Has Been Flooded.

Siblings That Say They Never Fight Are Most Definitely Hiding Something

Hiding Something

Hello, Freaky Peoples!

I've Never Had A Musical Career. So I Think It's Been Unaffected. I Play The Accordion. In Terms Of Thinking Of It As A Musical Career, I Think It's Sort Of Like Calling Yourself An Astronaut Because You Have A Shiny Suit.

Get Out Of My Way, You Cakesniffers!” Said A Rude, Violent, And Filthy Little Girl, Shoving The Baudelaire Orphans Aside As She Dashed By.

Assumptions Are Dangerous Things To Make, And Like All Dangerous Things To Make - Bombs, For Instance, Or Strawberry Shortcake - If You Make Even The Tiniest Mistake You Can Find Yourself In Terrible Trouble.

Finding Yourself

It Is A Miracle If You Can Find True Friends, And It Is A Miracle If You Have Enough Food To Eat, And It Is A Miracle If You Get To Spend Your Days And Evenings Doing Whatever It Is You Like To Do, And The Holiday Season - Like All The Other Seasons - Is A Good Time Not Only To Tell Stories Of Miracles, But To Think About The Miracles In Your Own Life, And To Be Grateful For Them, And That's The End Of This Particular Story.

Literature Doesn’t Exactly Have A Strong Mental-health Track Record.

It Is My Fate That Some Of My Questions Will Never Be Answered.

I Think I’ve Always Believed That There Is One Person In The Universe Who You’re Truly Meant For–for Whom You Are Truly Meant–and The Fact That Sometimes There Are Two Or Even More People On The Earth You Can Fall In Love With Really Bothers Me. It Suggests That If You Work Hard You Can Be Meant For Anyone.

Falling In Love

I Don't Know If You've Ever Noticed This, But First Impressions Are Often Entirely Wrong.

First Impression

Wrong Impression

The Movie Was Kickass, Which Was Appropriate, Because Tonight It Was Called Kickass: The Movie.

There Are Some Who Say That Sitting At Home Reading Is The Equivalent Of Travel, Because The Experiences Described In The Book Are More Or Less The Same As The Experiences One Might Have On A Voyages, And There Are Those Who Say That There Is No Substitute For Venturing Out Into The World. My Own Opinion Is That It Is Best To Travel Extensively But To Read The Entire Time, Hardly Glancing Up To Look Out Of The Window Of The Airplane, Train, Or Hired Camel.

Grief, A Type Of Sadness That Most Often Occurs When You Have Lost Someone You Love, Is A Sneaky Thing, Because It Can Disappear For A Long Time, And Then Pop Back Up When You Least Expect It.

And Then Like A Song We'd Forgotten Was Even On The Mix, You Stepped Into The House And My Whole Life.

13. 99 Percent Is A Very Large Percentage. For Instance, Easily 99 Percent Of People Want A Roof Over Their Heads, Food On Their Tables, And The Occasional Slice Of Cake For Dessert. Surely An Arrangement Can Be Made With That Niggling 1 Percent Who Disagree.

It Is Difficult, When Faced With A Situation You Cannot Control, To Admit You Can Do Nothing.

You Should Never Stick Something That You Are Allergic To Into Your Mouth, Especially If That Thing Is Cats.

The Sad Truth Is The Truth Is Sad.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

Temper Tantrums, However Fun They May Be To Throw, Rarely Solve Whatever Problem Is Causing Them.

Nobody Wants To Hear That You Will Try Your Best. It Is The Wrong Thing To Say. It Is Like Saying 'i Probably Won't Hit You With A Shovel.' Suddenly Everyone Is Afraid You Will Do The Opposite.

It Looked Exhausting And Pointless, Two Things That Should Be Avoided At All Costs

Sometimes Words Are Not Enough. There Are Some Circumstances So Utterly Wretched That I Cannot Describe Them In Sentences Or Paragraphs Or Even A Whole Series Of Books.

Wishing, Like Sipping A Glass Of Punch, Or Pulling Aside A Bearskin Rug In Order To Access A Hidden Trapdoor In The Floor, Is Merely A Quiet Way To Spend One's Time Before The Candles Are Extinguished On One's Birthday Cake.

Just Because Something Is Typed-whether It Is Typed On A Business Card Or Typed In A Newspaper Or Book-this Does Not Mean That It Is True.

Scolding Must Be Very, Very Fun, Otherwise Children Would Be Allowed To Do It. It Is Not Because Children Don’t Have What It Takes To Scold. You Need Only Three Things, Really. You Need Time, To Think Up Scolding Things To Say. You Need Effort, To Put These Scolding Things In A Good Order, So That The Scolding Can Be More And More Insulting To The Person Being Scolded. And You Need Chutzpah, Which Is A Word For The Sort Of Show-offy Courage It Takes To Stand In Front Of Someone And Give Them A Good Scolding, Particularly If They Are Exhausted And Sore And Not In The Mood To Hear It.

The Only Thing He Cares About.

My Chauffer Once Told Me That I Would Feel Better In The Morning, But When I Woke Up The Two Of Us Were Still On A Tiny Island Surrounded By Man-eating Crocodiles, And, As I'm Sure You Can Understand, I Didn't Feel Any Better About It.

This Story Is About The Baudelaires. And They Are The Sort Of People Who Know That There’s Always Something. Something To Invent, Something To Read, Something To Bite, And Something To Do, To Make A Sanctuary, No Matter How Small. And For This Reason, I Am Happy To Say, The Baudelaires Were Very Fortunate Indeed.

I Had This Idea About Terrible Things Happening To Orphans, And I Knew It Was Such A Horrible Idea That The Idea Of Writing It Down And Then Submitting It Professionally Was Obviously Absurd.

There Was Something I Was Always Very Good At, However, And That Was Teaching Myself Not To Be Frightened While Frightening Things Are Going On. It Is Difficult To Do This, But I Had Learned. It Is Simply A Matter Of Putting One’s Fear Aside, Like The Vegetable On The Plate You Don’t Want To Touch Until All Of Your Rice And Chicken Are Gone, And Getting Frightened Later, When One Is Out Of Danger. Sometimes I Imagine I Will Be Frightened For The Rest Of My Life Because Of All Of The Fear I Put Aside During My Time In Stain’d-by-the-sea.

The End Of 'the End' Is The Best Place To Begin 'the End', Because If You Read 'the End' From The Beginning Of The Beginning Of 'the End' To The End Of The End Of 'the End', You Will Arrive At The End.

What Do Your Parents Know, About Surviving?

What You Don't Read Is Often As Important As What You Do Read.

Every Time You Enter A Library You Might Say To Yourself, "the World Is Quiet Here," As A Sort Of Pledge Proclaiming Reading To Be The Greater Good.

If You Are Allergic To A Thing, It Is Best Not To Put That Thing In Your Mouth, Particularly If The Thing Is Cats.

So Every So Often, When I Meet Someone Who's Honestly Appalled By My Books And Doesn't Understand Why They Would Be Attractive To People... I Find Such People Sort Of Charming, Even Though They Usually Don't Like Me.

Waiting Is One Of Life's Hardships. It Is Hard Enough To Wait For Chocolate Cream Pie While Burnt Roast Beef Is Still On Your Plate. It Is Plenty Difficult To Wait For Halloween When The Tedious Month Of September Is Still Ahead Of You. But To Wait For One's Adopted Uncle To Come Home While A Greedy And Violent Man Is Upstairs Was One Of The Worst Waits The Baudelaires Had Ever Experienced.

I Liked, I Admit, That We Didn’t Pretend There Hadn’t Been Other Girls. There Was Always A Girl On You In The Halls At School, Like They Came Free With A Backpack.

Sometimes The Things You’ve Lost Can Be Found Again In Unexpected Places.

I Will Love You As Misfortune Loves Orphans, As Fire Loves Innocence, And As Justice Loves To Sit And Watch While Everything Goes Wrong.

This Is Love, To Sit With Someone You've Known Forever In A Place You've Been Meaning To Go, And Watching As Their Life Happens To Them Until You Stand Up And It's Time To Go.

Sometimes, Even The Best Of Plans Will Occur To You When It Is Too Late.

There Are Times To Stay Put, And What You Want Will Come To You, And There Are Times To Go Out Into The World And Find Such A Thing For Yourself.

Take Back The Smile And The Night, Take It All Back, I Wish I Could.

In Love, As In Life, One Misheard Word Can Be Tremendously Important. If You Tell Someone You Love Them, For Instance, You Must Be Absolutely Certain That They Have Replied "i Love You Back" And Not "i Love Your Back" Before You Continue The Conversation.

Someone You Love

When I Was Researching My Very First Novel, "the Basic Eight," I Was Calling Right-wing Political And Religious Organizations And Asking Them To Mail Me Their Material So That I Could Mock Them In My Novels.

Daniel Handler's A Writer, Musician And The Author Of, Among Other Things, The "series Of Unfortunate Events" Books. He Also Wrote The Tv Version Of The Books That Is Available Now On Netflix. As Said, I Recommend Both Media For This Story.

I'm Always Loath To Make Generalizations About What Is For Children And What Isn't. Certainly Children's Literature As A Genre Has Some Restrictions, So Certain Things Will Never Pop Up In A Snicket Book. But I Didn't Know Anything About Writing For Children When I Started - This Is The Theme Of Naïveté Creeping Up On Us Once More - And I Sort Of Still Don't, And I'm Happy That Adults Are Reading Them As Well As Children.

Nobody Wants To Fall Into A Safety Net, Because It Means The Structure In Which They've Been Living Is In A State Of Collapse And They Have No Choice But To Tumble Downwards. However, It Beats The Alternative.

And A Refrigerator May Hold A Basket Of Strawberries, Which Would Be Important If A Maniac Said To You, "if You Don't Give Me A Basket Of Strawberries Right Now, I'm Going To Poke You With This Large Stick." But When The Two Elder Baudelaires And Quigley Quagmire Opened The Refrigerator, They Found Nothing That Would Help Someone Who Was Wounded, Dying Of Thirst, Or Being Threatened By A Strawberry-crazed, Stick-carrying Maniac.

Chestnuts In Stuffing Tastes Like Someone Chewed Up A Tree Branch And Then French-kissed It Into Your Mouth.

A New Experience Can Be Extremely Pleasurable, Or Extremely Irritating, Or Somewhere In Between, And You Never Know Until You Try It Out.

New Experiences

To Stutter Through It With You Or Even Stop Stuttering And Say Nothing, Was So Lucky And Soft, Better Talk Than Mile-a-minute With Anyone. After A Few Minutes We’d Stop Rattling, We’d Adjust, We’d Settle In, And The Conversation Would Speed Into The Night.

If You Enjoy Books With Happy Endings Than You Are Better Off Reading Some Other Book.

Take It Back, Ed. Take It All Back.

The Smell Of Cooking Food Is Often A Calming One.

I Guess We’ll Be Traveling In Uncharted Waters.” “that’ll Be Fun,” Phil Said.

Uncharted Waters

Sometimes, Just Saying That You Hate Something, And Having Someone Agree With You, Can Make You Feel Better About A Terrible Situation.

One Cannot Spend Forever Sitting And Solving The Mysteries Of Oone's History.

Most Schools Have A Loud System Of Loud Bells, Which Startle The Students And Teachers At Regular Intervals And Remind Them That Time Is Passing Even More Slowly Than It Seems.

This Feeling Is Not Unlike The Sinking In One's Stomach When One Is In An Elevator That Suddenly Goes Down, Or When You Are Snug In Your Bed And Your Closet Door Suddenly Creaks Open To Reveal The Person Who Has Been Hiding There.

Like A Lot Of People Whose Children Were Small In The 2000s, I Read [daniel Handler] Books Out Loud And I Loved Them.

For Every Teenager I Know, Having A Phone Is A Mixed Blessing, Because Your Parents Can Press A Button And Figure Out Where You Are.

The Way Sadness Works Is One Of The Strange Riddles Of The World. If You Are Stricken With A Great Sadness, You May Feel As If You Have Been Set Aflame, Not Only Because Of The Enormous Pain, But Also Because Your Sadness May Spread Over Your Life, Like Smoke From An Enormous Fire.

They Say In Every Library There Is A Single Book That Can Answer The Question That Burns Like A Fire In The Mind.

Tea Should Be As Bitter As Wormwod And As Sharp As A Two Eged Sword Kit Snicket (a Series Of Unfortunate Events)

A Good Library Will Never Be Too Neat, Or Too Dusty, Because Somebody Will Always Be In It, Taking Books Off The Shelves And Staying Up Late Reading Them.

Thought Provoking

It's Different," You Said. "you've Made, Min, Everything Different For Me. Everything's Like Coffee You Made Me Try, Better Than I Ever - Or The Places I Didn't Even Know Were Right On The Street, You Know? I'm Like This Thing I Saw When I Was Little, Where A Kid Hears A Noise Under His Bed And There's A Ladder There That's Never Been There Before, And He Climbs Down And, It's For Kids I Know, But This Song Starts Playing..." Your Eyes Were Traveling In The Treey Light.

There Are Few Sights Sadder Than A Ruined Book.

If We Wait Until We're Ready, We'll Be Waiting For The Rest Of Our Lives.

This Is Like A Cookie, It Tastes Like A Cookie Having Sex With A Doughnut.

Everyone Tells You It's All Right To Cry, But Not Enough People Say It's All Right If You Don't Want People To Know.

Never Trust Anyone Who Has Not Brought A Book With Them.

It's Funny, Particularly When You're A Writer And You're Doing Well, You Have That Sense Of Like, "oh! My View Of The World Is The One That's Going To Be Published."

People Aren't Either Wicked Or Noble. They're Like Chef's Salads, With Good Things And Bad Things Chopped And Mixed Together In A Vinaigrette Of Confusion And Conflict.

Labor Day Is A Holiday Honoring Those Who Work For A Living. Laborious Day Is A Lesser Known Holiday Honoring Those Who Cannot Stop Talking About Their Work.

[i]t Was The Color Of Someone Buying You An Ice Cream Cone For No Reason At All.

One Of The Most Difficult Things To Think About In Life Is One’s Regrets. Something Will Happen To You, And You Will Do The Wrong Thing, And For Years Afterward You Will Wish You Had Done Something Different.

Sometimes Words Are Not Enough.

I Know You Can't See It, Not You, Ed, But Maybe If I Tell You The Whole Plot You'll Understand It This Once, Because Even Now I Want You To See It. I Don't Love You Anymore, Of Course I Don't, But There's Still Something I Can Show You. You Know I Want To Be A Director, But You Never Truly See The Movies In My Head And That, Ed, Is Why We Broke Up.

No Reality Has The Power To Dispel A Dream.

It Is Not Very Polite To Interrupt A Person, Of Course, But Sometimes If The Person Is Very Unpleasant You Can Hardly Stop Yourself.

How Did You Do That?” Mr. Poe Asked. “nice Girls Shouldn’t Know How To Do Such Things.” “my Sister Is A Nice Girl,” Klaus Said, “and She Knows How To Do All Sorts Of Things.

If You Try To Avoid Every Instance Of Peer Pressure You Will End Up Without Any Peers Whatsoever, And The Trick Is To Succumb To Enough Pressure That You Do Not Drive Your Peers Away, But Not So Much That You End Up In A Situation In Which You Are Dead Or Otherwise Uncomfortable. This Is A Difficult Trick, And Most People Never Master It, And End Up Dead Or Uncomfortable At Least Once During Their Lives.

You Might Be Afraid Of The Dark, But The Dark Is Not Afraid Of You. That’s Why The Dark Is Always Close By.

Count Olaf Certainly Does Sound Evil. Imagine Forcing Children To Stand Near A Stove!

They Looked At Each Other Like A Pair Of Parentheses.

I Will Love You If I Never See You Again, And I Will Love You If I See You Every Tuesday.

When It Was First Optioned, I Was Told That The Chances Of The Basic Eight Becoming A Film Were Slim Because No One Was Making Teen Movies, And Then Later, I Was Told That The Chances Were Slim Because There Were So Many Teen Movies, And Then I Was Later Told That The Chances Were Slim Because Teen Films Were Over. I'm Not Sure When The Magic Window Of Opportunity Was, But Perhaps It's Still On The Horizon.

Xenial' Is A Word Which Refers To The Giving Of Gifts To Strangers. . . . I Know That Having A Good Vocabulary Doesn't Guarantee That I'm A Good Person. . . . But It Does Mean I've Read A Great Deal. And In My Experience, Well-read People Are Less Likely To Be Evil.

Guarantees That

It Is Very Useful, When One Is Young, To Learn The Difference Between "literally" And "figuratively." If Something Happens Literally, It Actually Happens; If Something Happens Figuratively, It Feels Like It Is Happening. If You Are Literally Jumping For Joy, For Instance, It Means You Are Leaping In The Air Because You Are Very Happy. If You Are Figuratively Jumping For Joy, It Means You Are So Happy That You Could Jump For Joy, But Are Saving Your Energy For Other Matters.

It Was A Secret Time And Place, You Next To Me, Untraceable And Out Of This World

Klaus Sighed, And Opened A Book, And As At So Many Other Times When The Middle Baudelaire Child Did Not Want To Think About His Circumstances, He Began To Read.

It Seemed To Me That Every Adult Did Something Terrible Sooner Or Later. And Every Child, I Thought, Sooner Or Later Becomes An Adult.

There Are Those Who Say That Life Is Like A Book, With Chapters For Each Event In Your Life And A Limited Number Of Pages On Which You Can Spend Your Time. But I Prefer To Think That A Book Is Like A Life, Particularly A Good One, Which Is Well To Worth Staying Up All Night To Finish.

It Is Much, Much Worse To Receive Bad News Through The Written Word Than By Somebody Simply Telling You, And I’m Sure You Understand Why. When Somebody Simply Tells You Bad News, You Hear It Once, And That’s The End Of It. But When Bad News Is Written Down, Whether In A Letter Or A Newspaper Or On Your Arm In Felt Tip Pen, Each Time You Read It, You Feel As If You Are Receiving The Bad News Again And Again.

You Might Find It Difficult To See Anything But Your Own Sadness, The Way Smoke Can Cover A Landscape So That All Anyone Can See Is Black. You May Find That If Someone Pours Water All Over You, You Are Damp And Distracted, But Not Cured Of Your Sadness, The Way A Fire Department Can Douse A Fire But Never Recover What Has Been Burnt Down.

...everyone Was Right About You- Prove Them Wrong.

Prove Them Wrong

When You Need A Haircut, It Looks Like You Have No One To Take Care Of You.

A Mystery Is Solved With A Story.

I Stand Entwined In Fire On The Inextinguishable Bonfire Of Inconceivable Love.

I Was Too Jitterbuggy Happy To Sleep, And The Whole Day Kept Playing In My Brain's Little Screening Room.

Hup Hup Ha Ha Hammy Hee Hee!

We Are A Nation Of Children Letting Horrible Things Happen, And Flunking Calc.

Even Though There Are No Ways Of Knowing For Sure, There Are Ways Of Knowing For Pretty Sure.

They Say That When You’re Really In Love, The World Becomes Gossamer And Gorgeous, But In My Experience The World Gets Grimy, And The Love Object Is In Stark Relief From The Surroundings. This Is Love, A Pretty Thing On An Ugly Street.

I Started Making Plans, Thinking We Would Get That Far.

If You Have Ever Slept In A Covered Casserole Dish On The Highest Peak Of A Mountain Range, Then You Know That It Is An Uncomfortable Place To Lay One's Head, Even If You Find A Dish Towel Inside It That Can Serve As A Blanket.

Mountain Ranges

For Obvious Reasons, I Never Told You About My Notebook, With A Cover As Green As Mansions Long Ago, Which I Use As A Commonplace Book, A Phrase Which Here Means 'place Where I Have Collected Passages From Some Of The Most Important Books I Have Read.

I Write Storys To Entertain Not To Be The Best

Arguing With Somebody Is Never Pleasant, But Sometimes It Is Useful And Necessary To Do So.

E!" Klaus Cried. "e As In Exit!" The Baudelaires Ran Down E As In Exit, But When They Reached The Last Cabinet, The Row Was Becoming F As In Falling File Cabinets, G As In Go The Other Way! And H As In How In The World Are We Going To Escape?

Anyone Who Knew Violet Well Could Tell She Was Thinking Hard, Because Her Long Hair Was Tied Up In A Ribbon To Keep It Out Of Her Eyes. Violet Had A Real Knack For Inventing And Building Strange Devices, So Her Brain Was Often Filled With Images Of Pulleys, Levers, And Gears, And She Never Wanted To Be Distracted By Something As Trivial As Her Hair.

Instead Of The Word 'love' There Was An Enormous Heart, A Symbol Sometimes Used By People Who Have Trouble Figuring Out The Difference Between Words And Shapes.

This Is My Knife. It Is Very Sharp And Very Eager To Hurt You.

All Cannot Be Lost When There Is Still So Much Being Found

It Is Always Cruel To Laugh At People, Of Course, Although Sometimes If They Are Wearing An Ugly Hat It Is Hard To Control Yourself.

And Then Of Course The Music Sprang Up, Lousy Rock As Bold And Dull As A Giant Potato. "love This Song," Todd Said, Like It Was Unusually Brave To Like What Was Number One On The Radio.

You Know I Want To Be A Director, But You Could Never Truly See The Movies In My Head And That, Ed, Is Why We Broke Up.

Knowing That Something Is Wrong And Doing It Anyway Happens Very Often In Life, And I Doubt I Will Ever Know Why.

It Is One Of The Peculiar Truths Of Life That People Often Say Things That They Know Full Well Are Ridiculous.

Once More, This Is Love: It Rings And You Open Up Unless It Looks Like An Ax Murderer.

Count Olaf Sounds Like An Awful Person. I Hope He Is Torn Apart By Wild Animals Someday. Wouldn't That Be Satisfying?

I’d Ruin Any Day, All My Days, For Those Long Nights With You, And I Did.

You’re Just Jealous Of Me Because I’m A Tap-dancing Ballerina Fairy Princess Veterinarian!

It Has Been Said That The Hardest Job In The World Is Raising A Child, But The People Who Says This Have Probably Never Worked At A Comb Factory Or Captured Pirates On The High Seas.

The Right Hand Doesn’t Know What The Left Is Doing” Is A Phrase That Refers To Times When People Ought To Know, But Don’t Know, About Something That Is Happening Very Close To Them. For Instance, You Ought To Know About The Man Who Watches You When You Sleep.

How Can Someone So Wonderful Do Something So Terrible?

Having A Personal Philosophy Is Like Having A Pet Marmoset, Because It May Be Very Attractive When You Acquire It, But There May Be Situations When It Will Not Come In Handy At All.

If I Were To Say, "yes, I Am A Fascinating, Erudite Person," What Would That Say About Me? I Don't Know.

There Are Some People Who Believe That Home Is Where One Hangs One's Hat, But These People Tend To Live In Closets And On Little Pegs.

They Didn't Understand It, But Like So Many Unfortunate Events In Life, Just Because You Don't Understand It Doesn't Mean It Isn't So.

I’m Happier Than A Pig Eating Bacon!

I Go To Bed Early And Rise Late And Feel As If I Have Hardly Slept, Probably Because I Have Been Reading Almost The Entire Time.

We Weren't Friends[...]we Were More Like Jigsaw Pieces, Each Of Us Part Of The Same Big Picture. There Are People Like This Wherever You Go. They Are Part Of The Same Mystery As You Are, But You Can't Quite Tell How You Fit Together. The World Is A Puzzle, And We Can't Solve It Alone.

Well-read People Are Less Likely To Be Evil.

Normally It Is Not Polite To Go Into Somebody’s Room Without Knocking, But You Can Make An Exception If The Person Is Dead, Or Pretending To Be Dead.

Of Course, It Is Boring To Read About Boring Thing, But It Is Better To Read Something That Makes You Yawn With Boredom Than Something That Will Make You Weep Uncontrollably, Pound Your Fists Against The Floor, And Leave Tearstains All Over Your Pillowcase, Sheets, And Boomerang Collection.

I’m Not A Romantic, I’m A Half-wit. Only Stupid People Would Think I’m Smart. I’m Not Something Anyone Should Know. I’m A Lunatic Wandering Around For Scraps, I’m Like Every Single Miserable Moron I’ve Scorned And Pretended I Didn’t Recognize. I’m All Of Them, Every Last Ugly Thing In A Bad Last-minute Costume. I’m Not Different, Not At All, Not Different From Any Other Speck Of A Thing. I’m A Blemished Blemish, A Ruined Ruin, A Stained Wreck So Failed I Can’t See What I Used To Be.

Everyone, At Some Point In Their Lives, Wakes Up In The Middle Of The Night With The Feeling That They Are All Alone In The World, And That Nobody Loves Them Now And That Nobody Will Ever Love Them, And That They Will Never Have A Decent Night's Sleep Again And Will Spend Their Lives Wandering Blearily Around A Loveless Landscape, Hoping Desperately That Their Circumstances Will Improve, But Suspecting, In Their Heart Of Hearts, That They Will Remain Unloved Forever. The Best Thing To Do In These Circumstances Is To Wake Somebody Else Up, So That They Can Feel This Way, Too.

The Violins Waltzed. The Cellos And Basses Provided Accompaniment. The Violas Mourned Their Fate, While The Concertmaster Showed Off. The Flutes Did Bird Imitations…repeatedly, And The Reed Instruments Had The Good Taste To Admire My Jacket. The Trumpets Held A Parade In Honor Of Our Great Nation, While The French Horns Waxed Nostalgic About Something Or Other. The Trombones Had Too Much To Drink. The Percussion Beat The Band, And The Tuba Stayed Home Playing Cards With His Landlady, The Harp, Taking Sips Of Warm Milk A Blue Little Cup. “but The Composer Is Still Dead.

There Are Some Secrets You Want To Keep To Yourself, Even If They Don't Matter. They Might Only Matter If You Keep Them Secret.

I Met [my Editor] In A Bar Where Alcoholic Beverages Are Served And I Bought Her One And I Told Her The Idea. And She Said That She Liked It Very Much, Which Embarrassed Me Because I Thought It Meant That She Was A Lightweight And That In The Morning, As So Many Women Say To So Many Men, What Seems Like A Good Idea, You Know, Turns Out Not To Be.

Dead Women Tell No Tales. Sad Men Write Them Down.

I Like To Give People Novels I Think They Would Like, On No Particular Occasion - Just When We're In A Bookstore Together. I Like To Receive Reference Books On My Birthday.

The Trick To Following Someone Without Getting Caught Is To Follow Somebody Who Doesn't Think They're Being Followed.

But We Can Also Ask For Something We Are Much More Likely To Get, And That Is To Find A Person Or Two, Somewhere In Our Travels, Who Will Tell Us That We Are Noble Enough, Whether It Is True Or Not. We Can Ask For Someone Who Will Say, “you Are Noble Enough,” And Remind Us Of Our Good Qualities When We Have Forgotten Them, Or Cast Them Into Doubt.

But One Type Of Book That Practically No One Likes To Read Is A Book About The Law. Books About The Law Are Notorious For Being Very Long, Very Dull, And Very Difficult To Read. This Is One Reason Many Lawyers Make Heaps Of Money. The Money Is An Incentive - The Word "incentive" Here Means "an Offered Reward To Persuade You To Do Something You Don't Want To Do - To Read Long, Dull, And Difficult Books.

Figuratively, They Escaped From Cout Olaf And Their Miserable Existence. They Did Not Literally Escape, Because They Were Still In His House And Vulnerable To Olaf's Evil In Loco Parentis Ways.

Adverbs Is A Book About Love, And I Thought That Was Pretty Cheerful, But People Who Are Reading It Now Are Telling Me That It's Actually Quite Dark.

It Is Often Said That Reading Is A Gift, But To My Mind That Is An Insufficient Description, For The Size Of The Gift Of Reading Is So Vast That It Is Difficult To See What Is Outside Its Wrapping.

Your Initial Opinion On Just About Anything May Change Over Time.

First Impression

The Children Of This World And The Adults Of This World Are In Entirely Separate Boats And Only Drift Near Each Other When We Need A Ride From Someone Or When Someone Needs Us To Wash Our Hands.

The Difference Between A House And A Home Is Like The Difference Between A Man And A Woman-- It Might Be Embarrassing To Explain, But It Would Be Very Unusual To Get Them Confused.

Having An Aura Of Menace Is Like Having A Pet Weasel, Because You Rarely Meet Someone Who Has One, And When You Do, It Makes You Want To Hide Under The Coffee Table.

We Laughed The Rest Of The Way, Because The Point Of This Story Is, It Is Not The Cookies. It Is The Love.

There Is A Kind Of Crying I Hope You Have Not Experienced, And It Is Not Just Crying About Something Terrible That Has Happened, But A Crying For All Of The Terrible Things That Have Happened, Not Just To You But To Everyone You Know And To Everyone You Don’t Know And Even The People You Don’t Want To Know, A Crying That Cannot Be Diluted By A Brave Deed Or A Kind Word, But Only By Someone Holding You As Your Shoulders Shake And Your Tears Run Down Your Face.

So She Loved Him. She Just Did Immediately And Again Often And Clearly Naturally And Soundly And Obviously And Many Others.

I Think We'll Always Miss Our Parents. But I Think We Can Miss Them Without Being Miserable All The Time. After All, They Wouldn't Want Us To Be Miserable.

I Am Certain That Over The Course Of Your Own Life, You Have Noticed That People's Rooms Reflect Their Personalities. In My Room, For Instance, I Have Gathered A Collection Of Objects That Are Important To Me, Including A Dusty Accordion On Which I Can Play A Few Sad Songs, A Large Bundle Of Notes On The Activities Of The Baudelaire Orphans, And A Blurry Photograph, Taken A Very Long Time Ago, Of A Woman Whose Name Is Beatrice. These Are Items That Are Very Precious And Dear To Me.

An Apocryphal Story - The Word "apocryphal" Here Means "obviously Untrue" - Tells Of Two People, Long Ago, Who Were Very Bored, And That Instead Of Complaining About It They Sat Up All Night And Invented The Game Of Chess So That Everyone Else In The World, On Evenings When There Is Nothing To Do, Can Also Be Bored By The Perplexing And Tedious Game They Invented.

Can't We Sleep Ten Minutes More? I Was Having A Lovely Dream About Sneezing Without Covering My Mouth, And Giving Everybody Germs.

Wherever There’s A Conductor, You’re Sure To Find A Dead Composer!

I'm Always Interested To See What Films Are Made Of Books. I Kind Of Don't Participate As A Filmgoer In Any Kind Of Debate About What's Better, The Book Or The Movie. So I Think It's Interesting When People Want To Do It.

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