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Evie Hadn’t Always Felt That Way. For A Year After James Had Died, She’d Cupped His Half-dollar Pendant Between Her Pressed Palms And Prayed Fervently For A Miracle, For A Telegram That Would Say Good News! It Was A Terrible Mistake, And Private James Xavier O’neill Has Been Found, Safe, In A Farmhouse In France. But No Such Telegram Ever Arrived, And Whatever Possible Faith Might Have Bloomed In Evie Withered And Died. Now She Saw It As Just Another Advertisement For A Life That Belonged To A Previous Generation And Held No Meaning For Hers.

-Libba Bray

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Evie Hadn’t Always Felt

Libba Bray

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Evie Hadn’t Always Felt That Way. For A Year After James Had Died, She’d Cupped His Half-dollar Pendant Between Her Pressed Palms And Prayed Fervently For A Miracle, For A Telegram That Would Say Good News! It Was A Terrible Mistake, And Private James Xavier O’neill Has Been Found, Safe, In A Farmhouse In France. But No Such Telegram Ever Arrived, And Whatever Possible Faith Might Have Bloomed In Evie Withered And Died. Now She Saw It As Just Another Advertisement For A Life That Belonged To A Previous Generation And Held No Meaning For Hers.

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He Told Me That Once, In The War, He’d Come Upon A German Soldier In The Grass With His Insides Falling Out; He Was Just Lying There In Agony. The Soldier Had Looked Up At Sergeant Leonard, And Even Though They Didn’t Speak The Same Language, They Understood Each Other With Just A Look. The German Lying On The Ground; The American Standing Over Him. He Put A Bullet In The Soldier’s Head. He Didn’t Do It With Anger, As An Enemy, But As A Fellow Man, One Soldier Helping Another.

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To Live Is To Love, To Love Is To Live.

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The Corporation Would Like To Apologize For The Preceding Pages. Of Course, It's Not All Right For Girls To Behave This Way. Sexuality Is Not Meant To Be This Way - An Honest, Consensual Expression In Which A Girl Might Take An Active Role When She Feels Good And Ready And Not One Minute Before. No. Sexual Desire Is Meant To Sell Soap. And Cars. And Beer. And Religion.

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If You Tell Them What They Want To Hear, They Don't Bother To Try To See.

She Is The Elephant’s Eyebrows,” Evie Whispered Appreciatively. “those Jewels! How Her Neck Must Ache.” “that’s Why Bayer Makes Aspirin,” Mabel Whispered Back, And Evie Smiled, Knowing That Even A Socialist Wasn’t Immune To The Dazzle Of A Movie Star.

No, I Call. Come Back. I'm Here, He Says. But I Can't See. It's Too Bright. You Can't Hold Back The Light, Gemma. I'm Here. Trust Me.

Im A Techno Moron. I Need Help Just To Plug In My Video Camera.

I Will Tell You The Story Of How We Found Ourselves In A Realm Where Dreams Are Formed, Destiny Is Chosen, And Magic Is As Real As A Handprint In The Snow.

You’ve Been Assigned An Identity Since Birth. Then You Spend The Rest Of Your Life Walking Around In It To See If It Really Fits. You Try On All These Different Selves And Abandon Just As Many. But Really It’s About Dismantling All That False Armor, Getting Down To What’s Real. -going Bovine

It Isn't That We Do What We Want. It's That We're Allowed To Want At All.

Next Time We See You, You’ll Be On Trial For Some Ingenious Crime!” Dottie Said With A Laugh. Evie Grinned. “just As Long As They Know My Name.

On Tv, Talking Heads Wrung Their Hands Over A Lack Of Traditional Feminine Values And Wondered If Girls’ Sports Were To Blame. Then They Cut To A Commercial Featuring A Sexy College Coed Vacuuming Her Dorm Room In Her Underwear.

It Was A Kiss Small In Its Ministrations But Epic In Its Feeling.

We Are English, And I Expect You To Behave As Such. No More Crying.

Dude, This Is A Stoner Conversation And We're Not Even High

I Do Not Want To Pass The Time. I Want To Grab Hold Of It And Leave My Mark Upon The World.

The World Is Only As Fair As You Can Make It. Takes A Lot Of Fight. A Lot Of Fight. But If You Stay In Here, In Your Little Cave, That's One Less Fighter On The Side Of Fair.

I Changed My Mind. I Don’t Want To Be An Inveshtigative Journalist Anymore. I Want To Be A Professional Rum Drinker.” “there Are People Who Do That,” Duff Said. He’d Barely Sipped His Rum. “really? What Do You Call Them?” “alcoholics.

Discord Need Not Be An Impediment. Differences Can Bring Strength.

Because There's Nothing Wrong With You... That Can't Be Fixed.

Murder Mysteries

Didn't You Have Any Sadistic Nannies Who Told You These Tales To Keep You Quiet And Well Behaved At Night? Heavens, What's To Become Of The Empire If Governesses Have Lost Their Touch For Scaring The Wits Out Of Their Girls?

In School, They Would Tell You That Life Wouldn’t Come To You; You Had To Go Out And Make It Your Own. But When It Came To Love, The Message For Girls Seemed To Be This: Don’t. Don’t Go After What You Want. Wait. Wait To Be Chosen, As If Only In The Eye Of Another Could One Truly Find Value. The Message Was Confusing And Infuriating. It Was A Shell Game With No Actual Pea Under The Rapidly Moving Cups.

I Invited Myself. Thought This Table Needed Some Class.

Clothing Left On The Bed Unfolded. Books Stained With Coffee Spots. Tabs Not Paid Until The Last Possible Second. Boys Kissed And Then Forgotten In A Week’s Time.

I Am A Jumble Of Passions, Misgivings, And Wants. It Seems That I Am Always In A State Of Wishing And Rarely In A State Of Contentment.

Naughty John, Naughty John, Does His Work With His Apron On. Cuts Your Throat And Takes Your Bones, Sells 'em Off For A Coupla Stones.

I Wonder How Many Times Each Day She Dies A Little.

Harold Brodie Is A Louse And A Lothario Who Cheats At Cards And Has A Different Girl In His Rumble Seat Every Week. That Coupe Of His Is Pos-i-tute-ly A Petting Palace. And He’s A Terrible Kisser To Boot.” Evie’s Parents Stared In Stunned Silence. “or So I’ve Heard.

Maybe Girls Need An Island To Find Themselves. Maybe They Need A Place Where No One's Is Watching Them So They Can Be Who They Really Are

You Know What Else Is Hot?" Said A Nameless Blonde As She Put Her Arm Around The One Black Girl. "what?" "bisexuals." "totally. Well, Not Like Real Bisexuals Who Are Just Sort Of Your Everyday People, But, Like, The Kind Of Bisexuals You See In Magazines Wearing Nothing But Body Paint And Kissing Both Boys And Girls To Promote A New Single." "totally, Totally Hot.

Perhaps This Is How Girls Fall -- Not In Some Crime Of Enchantment At The Hands Of A Wicked Ne'er-do-well, A Grand Before And After In Which They Are Innocent Victims Who Have No Say In The Matter. Perhaps They Simply Are Kissed And Want To Kiss Back. Perhaps They Even Kiss First. And Why Should They Not?

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.

Travel Opens Your Mind As Few Other Things Do. It Is Its Own Form Of Hypnotism, And I Am Forever Under Its Spell

I'm Sorry,' He Says Simply. 'people Make Mistakes, Gemma. We Take The Wrong Action For The Right Reasons, And The Right Action For The Wrong Reasons.

...i Took Advanced Powerpoint Last Semester. You Guys Are Always Misunderestimating Me. I'm Totally Ready To Handle The Big Stuff.

You And I, We Must Carry On, Gemma. I Cannot Afford The Luxury Of Love. I Must Marry Well. And Now I Must Look After You. It Is My Duty." "if You Wish To Suffer, You Do So Of Your Own Free Will, Not On My Behalf. Or Father's Or Grandmama's Or Anyone's. You Are A Fine Physician, Thomas. Why Is That Not Enough?" "because It Isn't," He Says With A Rare Candor. "only This And The Hope Of Nothing More? A Quiet Respectability With No True Greatness Or Heroism In It, With Only My Reputation To Recommend Me. So You See, Gemma, You Are Not The Only One Who Cannot Rule Her Own Life.

We're Still Expected To Color Within The Lines Of Accepted Femininity, And Women Who Step Out Of Those Lines Are Usually Attacked, Whether Verbally Or Physically.

Because It Is Morning, It Is Morning, And There Is So Much To See.

I'm Like Everyone Else In This Stupid, Bloody, Amazing World. I'm Flawed. Impossibly So. But Hopeful. I'm Still Me.

Jericho Lay Back Down On His Side, Watching Her Breathe Just An Arm's Length From Him. She Was Not Beautiful While She Slept; Her Mouth Hung Open And She Snored Very Lightly, And This, Despite Everything That Had Happened, Made Him Smile.

Retribution Is A Dog Chasing Its Tail.

Can We Really Conquer Chaos So Easily? If That Were So, I Should Be Able To Prune The Pandemonium Of My Own Soul Into Something Neat And Tidy Rather Than This Maze Of Wants And Needs And Misgivings That Has Me Forever Feeling As If I Cannot Fit Into The Landscape Of Things.

All Things Are Possible.

But What Was The Point Of Living So Quietly You Made No Noise At All?

Men Have Feelings Too, You Know. You Bruise The Petals Of My Manflower.

Greetings, Ax Murderer! I Was Just Wondering How You Like Your Eggs?

Just Once I’d Like To Meet A Fella Who Isn’t A Phony. Somebody Who Doesn’t Wanna Buy Me A Fur So He Can Show Me Off To His Boys.

Time Has No Meaning. I Feel As If I Have Been Left In The Desert To Die And Am Eagerly Awaiting The Vultures To Begin Their Work And End My Misery.

Why Is It That Some Secrets Can Drown You While Some Pull You Close To Others In A Way You Never Want To Lose?

Oh, I Didn't Think It Wise To Hide It. Might Not Be Able To Find It Again," I Say, Cheerily. "it's Sitting In Plain View On Your Chair In The Great Hall. I Do Hope That Was The Best Place For It.

When You Looked Up To The Sky And Cried 'why?' Sometimes The Sky Shrugged, Yet Other Times It Answered With Warm Assurance Of Linked Hands.

I'm An Oddity Of One, My Strangeness Too Complicated To Explain Or Share.

You're Special. I'm Special. The Whole World's Special, So Don't You Forget It. The Universe Wants Us All To Be Happy, Full Of Smiles And All That Stuff, All That Stuff That's Happy And Smiley. So Get Happy, Happy, Happy Right Now! Get Happy, Happy, Happy Right Now! Get Happy, Happy, Happy Right Now!

Write Like It Matters, And It Will.

When You Peeled Back The Skin, You Were Dealing With Bone And Muscle, Blood And Nerve Endings. It Was All The Same. She Liked The Beautiful Logic Of The Circulatory System, The Elegance Of The Neurological, And The Fierce Warrior Spirit Of The Heart. The Body Had Rules And It Had Quirks.

Feast For The Fisherman, The Ultimate Emo Band. Said To Be Sold With A Complimentary Prescription For Antidepressants And A Free Flatiron.

It Occurs To Me That Cricket Is Not The True Sport In London - Gossip Is.

What Kind Of Person Doesn't Let You Have Gummi Bears?

Evie Was So Nervous That She Downed Her Cocktail In Two Stiff Swigs, Then Refilled Her Glass. Henry Arched An Eyebrow. “a Pro, I See.” “what Else Is There To Do In Ohio?

Might. Is There Any Opiate More Powerful Than That Word?

They Would Place Their Hands Together Inside The Circle So That They Could Walk In Each Other's Dreams. It Forged A Bond That Could Not Be Broken. The Circle Represents Love In Eternity. For There Is No Beginning And No End.

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