Background Image

...

End Production Today. Wrap Party As Usual A Little Sad. Slow Danced With Scarlett. Broke Her Toe. Not My Fault. When She Dipped Me Back, I Stepped On It. Penélope [cruz] And Javier [bardem] Anxious To Work With Me Again. Said If I Ever Come Up With Another Screenplay To Try And Find Them. Goodbye Drink With Rebecca [hall]. Sentimental Moment. Everyone In Cast And Crew Chipped In And Bought Me A Ballpoint Pen.

-Woody Allen

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

End Production Today. Wrap

Woody Allen

...

End Production Today. Wrap Party As Usual A Little Sad. Slow Danced With Scarlett. Broke Her Toe. Not My Fault. When She Dipped Me Back, I Stepped On It. Penélope [cruz] And Javier [bardem] Anxious To Work With Me Again. Said If I Ever Come Up With Another Screenplay To Try And Find Them. Goodbye Drink With Rebecca [hall]. Sentimental Moment. Everyone In Cast And Crew Chipped In And Bought Me A Ballpoint Pen.

Views: 30906

Topic

More From Woody Allen

I'd Like To Make A Great Movie. I've Made Many Movies. I Think I've Made Some Good Movies, But I Never Felt I've Made A Great Movie.

I Feel That Life Is Divided Into The Horrible And The Miserable. That's The Two Categories. The Horrible Are Like, I Don't Know, Terminal Cases, You Know, And Blind People, Crippled. I Don't Know How They Get Through Life. It's Amazing To Me. And The Miserable Is Everyone Else. So You Should Be Thankful That You're Miserable, Because That's Very Lucky, To Be Miserable.

A General Philosophy Of The Female Characters In My Films Is They All Want Something To Believe In, And Not Having Anything.

Maybe The Poets Are Right. Maybe Love Is The Only Answer.

Life Is A Tragedy Filled With Suffering And Despair And Yet Some People Do Manage To Avoid Jury Duty.

There's Nothing Good About Getting Older-absolutely Nothing-because The Amount Of Wisdom And Experience You Gain Is Negligible Compared To What You Lose. You Do Gain A Couple Of Things-you Gain A Little Bittersweet And Sour Wisdom From Your Heartbreaks And Failures And Things-but What You Lose Is So Catastrophic In Every Way.

My Lord, My Lord! What Hath Thou Done Lately?

The Prettiest Women Are Almost Always The Most Boring, And That Is Why Some People Feel There Is No God.

There Is No God

When One Chooses To Be A Writer, Psychologically There's A Reason For That Because You Like The Isolation And You Like To Be By Yourself And You Are By Nature Timid.

The Study Of Economy Usually Shows Us That The Best Time For Purchase Was Last Year.

Paranoia Is Knowing All The Facts.

I Was Thrown Out Of Nyu For Cheating-with The Deans Wife

If 90% Of Success In Life Is Showing Up, The Other 10% Depends On What You're Showing Up For.

There's Nothing Sexier Than A Lapsed Catholic.

Students Achieving Oneness Will Move On To Twoness.

Life's Hard, Then You Die.

Meaningful Death

In 1940 I Was Just Turning 5 Years Old And Being Taken To The Movies. For Those Of Us Who Were Not Old Enough To Understand The Horror Of War It Was A Very Romantic Era Because These Guys Were Kissing Their Wives And Girlfriends Goodbye And Going Off To Fight And Become Heroes.

I Learned A Few Things On My Own Since, And Modified Some Of The Things He Taught Me, But Everything, Unequivocally, That I Learned About Comedy Writing I Learned From Danny Simon.

I Could Turn On My Radio In The Morning When I Was Getting Dressed For School And Hear Frank Sinatra And Duke Ellington And Benny Goodman And Think This Is The Music. Now That Music Is Art. Ellington Is Art. At That Time It Was Just What You Heard On The Radio. Cole Porter Was Just A Guy Who Wrote Pretty Songs And Billie Holliday Would Sing Them.

There Will Be No Major Solution To The Suffering Of Humanity Until We Reach Some Understanding Of Who We Are, What The Purpose Of Creation Was, What Happens After Death. Until Those Questions Are Resolved We Are Caught.

What A World. It Could Be So Wonderful If It Wasn't For Certain People.

I Wonder If Socrates And Plato Took A House On Crete During The Summer.

If I Could Change The Structure Of Existence I Would Do It. I Could See A Better Way To Live For Everybody.

That’s One Of The Nice Things About Writing, Or Any Art; If The Thing’s Real, It Just Lives. All The Attendant Hoopla About It, The Success Over It Or The Critical Rejection—none Of That Really Matters. In The End, The Thing Will Survive Or Not On Its Own Merits. Not That Immortality Via Art Is Any Big Deal. Truffaut Died, And We All Felt Awful About It, And There Were The Appropriate Eulogies, And His Wonderful Films Live On. But It’s Not Much Help To Truffaut.

My Gift Was In Comedy. I Found Out I Could Make Jokes. I Could Tell Jokes. I Could Write Them. So Over The Years, That's What I've Done.

I Didn't Believe In Reincarnation In My Past Life, And I Still Don't.

I Never Start Editing A Film Until It's Completely Shot; I Don't Edit Along The Way, Ever. When It's Finished I Come In Here [screening Room] And We Start With Reel One, Scene One And Start Editing Shot By Shot By Shot Until We're Finished.

I Should Have Known Something Was Wrong With My First Wife. When I Brought Her Home To Meet My Parents, They Approved Of Her.

It Seemed The World Was Divided Into Good And Bad People. The Good Ones Slept Better While The Bad Ones Seemed To Enjoy The Waking Hours Much More.

I Feel About New York As A Child Whose Father Is A Bank Robber. Not Perfect, But I Still Love Him.

My Father Owned A Small Piece Of Land. He Carried It With Him Wherever He Went.

Basically My Wife Was Immature. I'd Be At Home In The Bath And She'd Come In And Sink My Boats.

The Artist Can't Give You An Answer That's Satisfying To The Dreadful Reality Of Your Existence. So The Best You Can Do Is Maybe Entertain People And Refresh Them For An Hour-and-a-half.

Regarding Love What Can You Say? It's Not The Quantity Of Your Sexual Relations That Counts. It's The Quality. On The Other Hand If The Quantity Drops Below Once Every Eight Months, I Would Definitely Look Into It.

Film Is More Of Novelty, Because I've Done So Much Theater Over Many Years. I'm In Love With Making Movies. Also, I Find It Easier To Remember Three Minutes Of Dialogue Than Three Hours.

Honey! Bring Down A Copy Of My Will - And An Eraser!

All Literature Is A Footnote To Faust. I Have No Idea What I Mean By That.

As I Got More Confident, I Was Able To Let Actors Improvise, And Do Long Takes. It's 10%, 5% You Learn And Experience. The Rest You Just Have Or You Don't Have.

A Fast Word About Oral Contraception. I Was Involved In An Extremely Good Example Of Oral Contraception Two Weeks Ago. I Asked A Girl To Go To Bed With Me, She Said 'no'.

Those Who Can't Do, Teach. And Those Who Can't Teach, Teach Gym.

Your Audience Teaches You How To Be Funny.

As I've Gotten Older, The Parts Have Diminished. I Liked It When I Was Younger, I Could Always Play The Lead In The Movie And I Could Do All The Romantic Scenes With The Women, And It Was Fun And I Liked To Play That. Now, I'm Older And I'm Reduced To Playing The Backstage Doorman Or The Uncle Or Something. I Don't Really Love That So Occasionally, When A Part Comes Up, I'll Play It.

Life Is Like A Concentration Camp... You Can't Leave Without Dying.

I Don't Mind Dying... As Long As I Don't Have To Be There When It Happens.

Sylvia Plath. Interesting Poetess Whose Tragic Suicide Was Misinterpreted As Romantic By The College-girl Mentality.

Am I My Brother's Keeper? Yes. Interestingly, In My Case, I Share That Honor With The Prospect Park Zoo.

Confidence Is What You Have Before You Understand The Problem.

In My House I'm The Boss, My Wife Is Just The Decision Maker.

You Can Learn Technological Things, You Can Learn About Specific Things, But The Real Problems That People Deal With In Any Subject, Existential Subjects Or Romantic Subjects, You Never Learn Anything. So You Make A Fool Of Yourself When You're 20, You Make A Fool Of Yourself At 40, At 60 At 80. The Ancient Greeks Were Dealing With These Problems. They Screwed Up All The Time. People Do Now.

It's A Match Made In Heaven...by A Retarded Angel.

I Think Bergman's Films Have Eternal Relevance, Because They Deal With The Difficulty Of Personal Relationships And Lack Of Communication Between People And Religious Aspirations And Mortality, Existential Themes That Will Be Relevant A Thousand Years From Now. When Many Of The Things That Are Successful And Trendy Today Will Have Been Long Relegated To Musty-looking Antiques, His Stuff Will Still Be Great.

When You Work From City To City Or Country To Country, You Work The Same Way; The Working Method Is The Same.

Eternity Is Really Long, Especially Near The End.

90 Per Cent Of Success Is Turning Up.

It Figures You've Got To Hate Yourself If You've Got Any Integrity At All.

This Sounds So Bleak When I Say It, But We Need Some Delusions To Keep Us Going. And The People Who Successfully Delude Themselves Seem Happier Than The People Who Can't.

Just Because You're Paranoid Doesn't Mean They Aren't Out To Get You.

Paris Is Particularly Beautiful In The Rain. It Was Just A Nice Experience For Me, A Pleasant Experience, And I Was Able To Present It To The World Through My Eyes, Very Subjectively - Not Realistically, But Subjectively.

What If The Worst Is True? What If There's No God, And You Only Go Around Once, And That's It? Don't You Want To Be A Part Of The Experience? You Know, What The Hell? It's Not All A Drag, And I'm Thinking To Myself: Geez! I Should Stop Ruining My Life Searching For Answers I'm Never Gonna Get And Just Enjoy It While It Lasts. And, You Know, After-who Knows? Maybe There Is Something, Nobody Really Knows. I Know That Maybe Is A Very Slim Reed To Hang Your Whole Life On, But That's The Best We Have.

In Perpetrating A Revolution, There Are Two Requirements: Someone Or Something To Revolt Against And Someone To Actually Show Up And Do The Revolting. Dress Is Usually Casual And Both Parties May Be Flexible About Time And Place, But If Either Faction Fails To Attend, The Whole Enterprise Is Likely To Come Off Badly.

The Content Dictates The Style All The Time. That's The Way It Is. If The Content Of The Film - As In Husbands And Wives - Is Highly Jagged, Neurotic, Fast-paced, Nervous New York Film, It Just Called For That Kind Of Shooting, Editing And Performance.

There Are Two Important Things In The World, The First Is Sex. The Other Isn't All That Important.

She Wore A Short Skirt And A Tight Sweater And Her Figure Described A Set Of Parabolas That Could Cause Cardiac Arrest In A Yak.

More Than At Any Other Time In History, Mankind Faces A Crossroads. One Path Leads To Despair And Utter Hopelessness. The Other, To Total Extinction. Let Us Pray We Have The Wisdom To Choose Correctly. I Speak, By The Way, Not With Any Sense Of Futility, But With A Panicky Conviction Of The Absolute Meaninglessness Of Existence Which Could Easily Be Misinterpreted As Pessimism. It Is Not. It Is Merely A Healthy Concern For The Predicament Of Modern Man.

What' S The Matter With Me? Why Can't I Be Cool?

I'm Afraid Of The Dark,and Suspicious Of The Light.

I Loathed Every Day And Regret Every Day I Spent In School. I Like To Be Taught To Read And Write And Add And Then Be Left Alone.

The Best An Idea Gets Is When Its In Your Head.

That’s One Of The Nice Things About Writing, Or Any Art; If The Thing’s Real, It Just Lives.

If You Aren't Failing Every Now And Then, You're Probably Playing It Too Safe.

I Think A Relationship Is Like A Shark. It Has To Constantly Move Forward Or It Dies.

Relationships Are Really What Interest Me The Most. And I Think, In The End, They Interest Most People The Most. Even When You Read Tolstoy Or Something, Basically They're About Man And Woman Relationships.

When It Comes To Sex There Are Certain Things That Should Always Be Left Unknown, And With My Luck, They Probably Will Be.

There Are Worse Things In Life Than Death. Have You Ever Spent An Evening With An Insurance Salesman?

They Were Doing The Dying Swan At The Ballet. And There Was A Rumor That Some Bookmarkers Had Drifted Into Town From Upstate New York And That They Had Fixed The Bullet. There Was A Lot Of Money Bet On The Swan To Live.

Many People Who Get A Lot Of Money Are Willing To Work With Me For No Money. This Is True.

People Think I'm An Artist Because My Films Lose Money.

Most Of The Time I Don't Have Much Fun. The Rest Of The Time I Don't Have Any Fun At All.

... Years Of Insanity Have Made This Guy Crazy!

My Luck Is Getting Worse And Worse. Last Night, For Instance, I Was Mugged By A Quaker.

You Can Be Distracted By Your Love Life, By The Baseball Game, Movies, By The Nonsense. "can I Get My Kid Into This Private School? Can I Get This Girl To Go Out With Me Saturday Night? Am I Going To Get The Promotion In My Office?" All This Stuff, But In The End The Universe Burns Out. So I Think It's Completely Meaningless.

[...] I've Come To The Conclusion That The Artist Can Not Justify Life Or Come Up With A Cogent Reason As To Why Life Is Meaningful, But The Artist Can Provide You With A Cold Glass Of Water On A Hot Day.

We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.

I Know What I Think But I Don't Know How To Put It Into Words. Maybe I Could Get A Little Bit Drunk And Dance It For You.

Where Did We Come From? Where Are We Going? Is There Possibility Of A Group Discount?

If God Exists, I Hope He Has A Good Excuse.

Eighty Percent Of Success Is Showing Up.

Sometimes The Critics Will Like A Film, And The Public Doesn't Come. Sometimes The Critics Won't Like The Film, And The Public Will Come. It's Completely Spontaneous. It's A Hazard.

Curiosity, That's What Kills Us. Not Muggers Or All That Bullshit About The Ozone Layer. It's Our Own Hearts And Minds.

It Is Clear The Future Holds Great Opportunities. It Also Holds Pitfalls. The Trick Will Be To Avoid The Pitfalls, Seize The Opportunities, And Get Back Home By Six O'clock.

Why Are Our Days Numbered And Not, Say, Lettered?

Change Is Almost Always Negative. Things Degenerate.

I've Never Been Satisfied Or Even Pleased With A Film That I've Done. I Make Them, I'm Finished, I've Never Looked At One After. I Don't Like Them Because There's A Big Gap Between What You Conceive In Your Mind When You're Writing And You Don't Have To Meet The Test Of Reality. You're Home, You Write And It's Funny And Beautiful And Romantic And Dramatic, And Then You Have To Show Up On A Cold Morning, And You Don't Have Enough Of This And This Goes Wrong And You Make The Wrong Choice On Something And You Screwed Up And You Can't Go Back.

And In All Of Babylonia There Was Wailing And Gnashing Of Teeth, 'til The Prophets Bade The Multitudes Get A Grip On Themselves And Shape Up.

I Think I've Gotten Technically Better Over The Years But You'd Have To Be A Fool Not To. I've Made So Many Movies That By Sheer Quantity You Get Better At The Technique.

While We're Waiting For A Cab I'll Give You Your Lesson For Today. Don't Listen To What Your Teachers Tell Ya, You Know. Don't Pay Attention. Just, Just See What They Look Like And That's How You'll Know What Life Is Really Gonna Be Like.

Every Hooker I Ever Speak To Tells Me That It Beats The Hell Out Of Waitressing.

If My Films Make One More Person Miserable, I'll Feel I Have Done My Job.

I Don't Like To Meet The Actor And Have A Lot Of Conferences And Talk About Their Sub-life And Their Off-screen Life And Their Back Stories And All That Nonsense, Because It Never Means Anything.

It's All Through The Actors; I Cannot Write In That Idiom

In A Relationship, It Is Better To Be The Leaver Than The Leavee.

Love Is Too Weak A Word For What I Feel - I Luuurve You, You Know, I Loave You, I Luff You, Two F's, Yes.

Even If God Exists, He's Done Such A Terrible Job, It's A Wonder People Don't Get Together And File A Class Action Suit Against Him.

Not Only Is There No God, But Try Finding A Plumber On Sunday.

I Don't Own A Computer. I've Never Seen Anything Online At All - Nothing. I Don't Own A Word Processor. I Have None Of That Stuff. It's Not An Act Of Rebellion. I'm Just Not A Gadget Person.

Love May Be The Answer, But Even Though You're Watching For The Solution, Intercourse Raises Some Rather Interesting Thoughts.

People Are Always Talking About The Dumbing Down Of The Country.

There's No Point In Looking Back, Because There's Nothing You Can Really Do To Improve The Film. You Can Only Aggravate And Wish You Had Done Stuff Better.

When I Get Up In The Morning, I Go And I Work With Beautiful Women And Charming Men And Funny Comedians And Dramatic Artists. And I'm Presented With Costumes And Great Music To Choose From And Sets. I Travel A Certain Amount Of Places, So I've Been Living In A Bubble. And I Like It.

What Do I Dislike About Death? Must Be The Hours.

I've Always Believed That Thoughtful People Don't Really Take The Tabloids Seriously. They're Basically A Form Of Entertainment. I Enjoy Them As Much As The Next New Yorker.

I Don't Know Enough To Be Incompetent.

I Think Crime Pays. The Hours Are Good, You Travel A Lot

I Feel Humor Is Important For Those Two Reasons: That It Is A Little Bit Of Refreshment Like Music, And That Women Have Told Me Over The Years That It Is Very, Very Important To Them.

I Don't Get Depressed; I Grow A Tumor Instead.

I Can't Imagine Any Director Directing A Screenplay Of Mine, Because The Great Directors All Have Very Personal Styles, And The Ones That Don't Are Not Very Interesting Directors.

In The Event Of War, I'm A Hostage.

If I Can Play A Scene In A Master Shot, I Always Prefer It. And The Actors Always Prefer It. It's Fun To Look At On The Screen, The Actors Get A Chance To Sink Their Teeth Into Something Substantial, And It's Economically Helpful.

Life Is Divided Into The Horrible And The Miserable.

And My Parents Finally Realize I'm Kidnapped And They Snap Into Action Immediately: They Rent Out My Room.

It Seems To Me That Making Escapist Films Might Be A Better Service To People Than Making Intellectual Ones And Making Films That Deal With Issues. It Might Be Better To Just Make Escapist Comedies That Don't Touch On Any Issues. The People Just Get A Cool Lemonade, And Then They Go Out Refreshed, They Enjoy Themselves, They Forget How Awful Things Are And It Helps Them - It Strengthens Them To Get Through The Day.

For Some Reason I've Always Had An Irrational Love For New York. There's No Reason That You Would Necessarily Like It On Paper. It's Very Expensive.

How The Hell Do I Know Why There Were Nazis? I Don't Know How The Can-opener Works.

Drama, It Would Be As If You Wrote Some Poetry. You'd Run The Risk Of Being Embarrassed If People Read It, Because You're Pouring Your Heart Out And You're Not Mitigating It With Any Humor Or Anything.

I Was In Analysis. I Was Suicidal. As A Matter Of Fact, I Would Have Killed Myself, But I Was In Analysis With A Strict Freudian And If You Kill Yourself They Make You Pay For The Sessions You Miss.

Marriage Is The Death Of Hope.

To Be A Film Director Is Not A Democracy, It's Really A Tyranny. You're The Head Of The Project, For Better Rather Than Worse. I Write The Film And I Direct The Film, I Decide Who's Going To Be In It, I Decide On The Editing, I Put In The Music From My Own Record Collection.

Notes For A Ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund Hears The Flutter Of Wings, And A Group Of Wild Swans Flies Across The Moon ... Sigmund Is Astounded To See That Their Leader Is Part Swan And Part Woman - Unfortunately, Divided Lengthwise. She Enchants Sigmund, Who Is Careful Not To Make Any Poultry Jokes.

She Had Been Critical Of His New Torch Song, "a Side Order Of Heartache, Please," Suggesting It Could Be Used As A Good Way To Break In Their New Paper Shredder.

Better Not Think Too Much. Relying More On The Body: It Is More Trustworthy.

There's No Correlation Between What The Public Likes And What I'm After. I'm In A Different World.

I Want To Return To The Womb, Anyone's.

If You're Not Failing Every Now And Again, It's A Sign You're Not Doing Anything Very Innovative.

I'm Astounded By People Who Want To 'know' The Universe When It's Hard Enough To Find Your Way Around Chinatown.

American Films, It's A Money-making Industry. And In France, You Can Find Great Respect For Cinema As Art.

I've Had Bad Luck In My Two Previous Marriages. The First Wife Left Me, And The Second Did Not.

I Am Thankful For Laughter, Except When Milk Comes Out Of My Nose.

People Ask Me Whether I Think That One Day I Might Wake Up One Morning And Run Dry, But I've Had The Opposite Feeling - That I Would Die Before I Had Time To Write All The Ideas In My Drawer.

Magic Has Always Been Of A Great Interest Of Mine. I Was An Amateur Magician When I Was Young. I Used To Practice And Read Up On It A Lot. I'm Well-aware Of The History Of Magic.

I Don't Like Theatrical Actors And Actresses. I Like People That Talk Like Real Human Beings.

I Always Feel The Cynicism Is Reality With Maybe An Alternate Spelling Or Something Because I Feel That I Have Real Perspective On This Particular Issue Of Punishment In Society.

When The Academy Called, I Panicked. I Thought They Might Want Their Oscars Back And The Pawn Shop Has Been Out Of Business For A While.

Please Forgive Me. My Pedicurist Had A Stroke. She Fell Forward Onto The Orange Stick And Plunged It Into My Toe. It Required Bandaging.

My Films Are Misinterpreted All The Time. I Don't Mind That. Everybody's Films Are Misinterpreted. But There's No Malice Or Stupidity In The People That Misinterpret Them. You Know What You Do, But Someone Else Sees It, And They Want To Talk About It Or Write About It, And So They Misinterpret Them.

It's A Wonderful Thing To Be Able To Create Your Own World Whenever You Want To. Writing Is Very Pleasurable, Very Seductive, And Very Therapeutic. Time Passes Very Fast When I'm Writing-really Fast. I'm Puzzling Over Something, And Time Just Flies By. It's An Exhilarating Feeling. How Bad Can It Be? It's Sitting Alone With Fictional Characters. You're Escaping From The World In Your Own Way And That's Fine. Why Not?

Exhilarating Feeling

Subjectivity Is Objective.

Dying Is One Of The Few Things That Can Be Done As Easily Lying Down.

I Would Never Wanna Belong To Any Club That Would Have Someone Like Me For A Member.

I'm Going To My Psychoanalyst One More Year, Then I'm Going To Lourdes.

Throughout History In The Theater And Film People Do Like Sarcastic Characters, And They Do Like Curmudgeons - If They're Amusing, They Do Like Them Despite The Fact That They're Vitriolic, Particularly If They're For The Right Thing. If You Can See That The Person Is A Decent Person And Is For The Right Thing, And Is Not Just A Nasty Person With Base Motives, But Someone Who Is A Decent Human But Expresses Himself.

I Never Think I Feel Cynical In General. Cynical Is Reality With An Alternate Spelling. I Feel There's A Gigantic Amount Of Injustice And Overt Crime Every Day In The World, From Emotional Crimes To International Crimes, And It Often Carries Rewards.

My Grandfather Was A Very Insignificant Man, Actually. At His Funeral His Hearse Followed The Other Cars.

How Is It Possible To Find Meaning In A Finite World, Given My Waist And Shirt Size?

I Prefer To Achieve Immortality By Not Dying.

One Of The Wonderful Things About Making A Film Of Any Genre Is That You Have Dialogue. You Can Take Up A Position. If You Want To Say Something About Your Position, You Can Just Say It. You Don't Have To Spend Massive Amounts Of Screen Time.

Events Unfold So Unpredictably, So Unfairly, Human Happiness Does Not Seem To Be Included In The Design Of Creation. It Is Only We, With Our Capacity To Love That Give Meaning To The Indifferent Universe. And Yet, Most Human Beings Seem To Have The Ability To Keep Trying And Even Try To Find Joy From Simple Things, Like Their Family, Their Work, And From The Hope That Future Generations Might Understand More.

Capacity To Love

What If Nothing Exists And We're All In Somebody's Dream? Or What's Worse, What If Only That Fat Guy In The Third Row Exists?

Usually, You Hire People That You Think Are Wonderful.

I Don't Want To Move To A City Where The Only Cultural Advantage Is Being Able To Make A Right Turn On A Red Light.

I'd Never Join A Club That Would Allow A Person Like Me To Become A Member.

I Was Raised In The Jewish Tradition, Taught Never To Marry A Gentile Woman, Shave On A Saturday Night And, Most Especially, Never To Shave A Gentile Woman On A Saturday Night.

Jewish Tradition

Just Don't Take Any Class Where You Have To Read Beowulf.

Take The Money And Run.

It's Hard For Me To Know. I'll Think, 'i Really Brought Off My Ideas, It's Great,' And No One Sparks To It

As A Boy, I Was Ashamed To Wear Glasses. I Memorized The Eye Chart, And Then On The Test They Asked Essay Questions.

I Loathed Every Day And Regret Every Moment I Spent In A School.

If You Don't Have Fun Doing The Film, Then The Results Of The Film Will Never Give You Any Fun.

More Than Any Other Time In History, Mankind Faces A Crossroads. One Path Leads To Despair And Utter Hopelessness. The Other, To Total Extinction. Let Us Pray We Have The Wisdom To Choose Correctly.

Why Does Man Kill? He Kills For Food. And Not Only Food: Frequently There Must Be A Beverage.

I Think There Is Too Much Wrong With The World To Ever Get Too Relaxed And Happy. The More Natural State, And The Better One, I Think, Is One Of Some Anxiety And Tension Over Man's Plight In This Mysterious Universe.

Mysterious Universe

I Love The Rain - It Washes Memories Off The Sidewalk Of Life.

I'd Always Wanted To Be A Dramatic. Comedy Comes More Naturally To Me. I Can Do It With More Facility. So I Feel More Comfortable With It.

In The Shower, With The Hot Water Coming Down, You've Left The Real World Behind, And Very Frequently Things Open Up For You. It's The Change Of Venue, The Unblocking The Attempt To Force The Ideas That's Crippling You When You're Trying To Write.

I Had An Iq Test. The Results Came Back Negative.

I Think Frank Capra Was A Much Craftier Filmmaker, A Wonderful Filmmaker. He Had Enormous Technique, And He Knew How To Manipulate The Public Quite Brilliantly.

Life Is Full Of Moments That Are Good - Winning A Lottery, Seeing A Beautiful Woman, A Great Dinner - But The Whole Thing Is Tragic. It's An Oasis That Is Very Pleasant.

I'm So Excited-i Think Today I'm Going To Brush All My Teeth.

I Think It's My Job Or The Artist's Job, To Try And Find Some Solution Or Some Reason To Accept Things. But Given The Grimmest Reality, I Feel The Grimmest Facts Are The Real Facts, The True Facts: That You're Born, You Die, You Suffer, It's To No Purpose, And You're Gone Forever, Ever, Ever, And That's It.

I'm Not A Drinker, My Body Won't Tolerate...eh...spirits, Really. I Had Two Martinis New Years Eve And I Tried To Hi-jack An Elevator And Fly It To Cuba.

The Audience Goes To Sleep Really Quickly! If You Have A Slight Pause At The Wrong Time, That's It!

You Can Be With Your Wife, Very Happily Married, And Then You Meet Some Woman And You Love Her. But You Love Your Wife, Too. And You Also Love That One. Or If She's Met Some Man And She Loves The Man And She Loves You. And Then You Meet Somebody Else And Now There Are Three Of You. Why Only One Person?

I Don't Know What I'm Doing, But My Incompetence Has Never Stopped My Enthusiasm.

I Work All The Time Because It's A Great Distraction And It Keeps Me From Sitting Home And Obsessing Morbidly.

I've Often Felt That Life Is A Hard Deal And It's Unrelentingly Tragic And An Uphill Fight.

We Are All Interested In The Future, For That Is Where You And I Are Going To Spend The Rest Of Our Lives.

Books And Movies

When I Naturally Write A Story And I Feel That The Guy Is Sitting Across The Table From The Girl And Flirting With Her... I Think, 'god, That Can't Be Me' Because I'm Just Too Old For That Part. You Need A 30-year-old Or A 35-year-old For That Part. And So I've Given Myself Less And Less Roles.

Believing Would Be Easier If God Would Show Himself By Depositing A Million Dollars In A Swiss Bank Account In My Name

I Was A Smart Kid And I Was Not Understood By My Parents.

Is Sex Dirty? Only If It's Done Right.

I Can Make Films. And Some Of Them Come Out Good, And Some Of Them Come Out Better, And Some Of Them Come Out Worse. But I've Been Very Lucky Over The Years To Be Able To Sustain The Length Of Career That I've Had.

I Wish I Was Writing Something Much More Heavy Each Time I Did A Film, And That The Comedies Just Occasionally Come Out. But Unfortunately You're Stuck With What You're Born With.

Show Business Is Dog Eat Dog. It's Worse Than Dog Eat Dog. It's Dog Doesn't Return Dog's Phone Calls.

I'm A Comedian. I Make Comic Films And There Are Certain Ideas That Occur To Me That Are Comic, With Heavy, Serious Undertones. There Are Some Ideas That Are More Frivolous To Me. The Next Idea That Could Occur To Me Could Be Comedy About Death And Famine Or Something.

If My Films Don't Show A Profit, I Know I'm Doing Something Right.

When A Film Is Reviled, You Open A Film And People Say "oh, It's The Stupidest Thing, It's The Worst Movie." You Think: Oh, Nobody's Going To Ever Speak To You Again. But, It Doesn't Happen. Nobody Cares. You Know, They Read It And They Say "oh, They Hated Your Film." You Care, At The Time. But They Don't. Nobody Else Cares.

Marriage? That's For Life! It's Like Cement!

Sex Without Love Is An Empty Experience, But As Empty Experiences Go, It's One Of The Best.

When I Started Out, I Was A Television Writer, And We Wrote A Television Show That Was On Live Every Week. And You Didn't Have The Luxury Of Coming In And Waiting To Be Inspired. You Came In And You Had To Write. And You Wrote, Because It Was Going To Be Live On The Air. So I Can Do That.

My Wife Is Immature. Whenever I Take A Bath, She Sinks My Boats.

Life Is Full Of Misery, Loneliness, And Suffering - And It's All Over Much Too Soon.

Trending Author

Mike Krzyzewski

Category