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I Think Bergman's Films Have Eternal Relevance, Because They Deal With The Difficulty Of Personal Relationships And Lack Of Communication Between People And Religious Aspirations And Mortality, Existential Themes That Will Be Relevant A Thousand Years From Now. When Many Of The Things That Are Successful And Trendy Today Will Have Been Long Relegated To Musty-looking Antiques, His Stuff Will Still Be Great.

-Woody Allen

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I Think Bergman's Films

Woody Allen

...

I Think Bergman's Films Have Eternal Relevance, Because They Deal With The Difficulty Of Personal Relationships And Lack Of Communication Between People And Religious Aspirations And Mortality, Existential Themes That Will Be Relevant A Thousand Years From Now. When Many Of The Things That Are Successful And Trendy Today Will Have Been Long Relegated To Musty-looking Antiques, His Stuff Will Still Be Great.

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The Universe Is Merely A Fleeting Idea In God's Mind -- A Pretty Uncomfortable Thought, Particularly If You've Just Made A Down Payment On A House.

Me And Nature Are Two.

The Jewish Culture - People That Are Jewish Have A Certain Cultural Habit That They've Formed And One Of Those Habits Is An Appreciation Of Theater And Music - These Are Cultural Things One Does Associate With Values That Are Promulgated By Jewish Families. I Think That's A Good Thing.

I Don't Inhale Because It Gives You Cancer, But I Look So Incredibly Handsome With A Cigarette That I Can't Not Hold One.

I Always Write The Same Way. I Always Write With A Yellow Pad And A Ballpoint Pen On My Bed. And Then I Go And Type It Up Afterwards. I've Always Done That. Those Things Become Habitual.

A: Socrates Is A Man. B: All Men Are Mortal. C: All Men Are Socrates.

A Wife Lasts Only For The Length Of The Marriage, But An Ex-wife Is There For The Rest Of Your Life.

To Me There’s No Real Difference Between A Fortune Teller Or A Fortune Cookie And Any Of The Organized Religions. They’re All Equally Valid Or Invalid, Really. And Equally Helpful.

Don't Worry, I Know Almost Exactly What I'm Doing.

I Don't Believe In An Afterlife, But I'm Taking An Extra Pair Of Underwear Just In Case.

Someday The Lion Is Going To Lie Down With The Lamb, But The Lamb Isn't Going To Get Much Sleep.

I Love Baseball. You Know, It Doesn’t Have To Mean Anything. It’s Just Very Beautiful To Watch.

Life Is Horrible, But It Is Not Relentlessly Black From Wire To Wire. You Can Sit Down And Hear A Mozart Symphony, Or You Can Watch The Marx Brothers, And This Will Give You A Pleasant Escape For A While. And That Is About The Best That You Can Do.

I Have A Great Admiration For English Actors And Actresses And Have Used Them At Every Opportunity Over The Years, But Now I Won't Have To Import Them To New York.

Life Is A Tragedy Filled With Suffering And Despair And Yet Some People Do Manage To Avoid Jury Duty.

Money Is Not Everything, But It Is Better Than Having One's Health.

Some People Want To Achieve Immortality Through Their Works Or Their Descendants. I Prefer To Achieve Immortality By Not Dying.

In Life, One Is Entitled To A Side Dish Of Either Coleslaw Or Potato Salad, And The Choice Must Be Made In Terror, With The Knowledge That Not Only Is Our Time On Earth Limited But Most Kitchens Close At Ten.

When I Was Kidnapped, My Parents Snapped Into Action. They Rented Out My Room.

I Think Hollywood Has Gone In A Disastrous Path. It's Terrible. The Years Of Cinema That Were Great Were The '30s, '40s, Not So Much The '50s...but Then The Foreign Films Took Over And It Was A Great Age Of Cinema As American Directors Were Influenced By Them And That Fueled The '50s And '60s And '70s.

I'm Not A Drinker, My Body Won't Tolerate...eh...spirits, Really. I Had Two Martinis New Years Eve And I Tried To Hi-jack An Elevator And Fly It To Cuba.

Visually I've Always Liked The 20s 30s For Film. I Do These Because I Like The Music. I Like The Clothes. I Like The Way The Women And The Guys Look. There Are Soldiers And Sailors And Gangsters With The Machine Guns In Their Violin Cases. It's A Very Colorful Era Of New York, Full Of Great Theater And Great Nightclubs And Great Jazz.

Even If God Exists, He's Done Such A Terrible Job, It's A Wonder People Don't Get Together And File A Class Action Suit Against Him.

If God Exists, I Hope He Has A Good Excuse.

And In All Of Babylonia There Was Wailing And Gnashing Of Teeth, 'til The Prophets Bade The Multitudes Get A Grip On Themselves And Shape Up.

My Wife Is Immature. Whenever I Take A Bath, She Sinks My Boats.

I Think A Relationship Is Like A Shark. It Has To Constantly Move Forward Or It Dies.

Raised By Two Mothers...wow, Most Of Us Barely Survive One

When I Get Up In The Morning, I Go And I Work With Beautiful Women And Charming Men And Funny Comedians And Dramatic Artists. And I'm Presented With Costumes And Great Music To Choose From And Sets. I Travel A Certain Amount Of Places, So I've Been Living In A Bubble. And I Like It.

Isn't All Mankind Ultimately Executed For A Crime It Never Committed?

Capital Punishment

If There Is Reincarnation, I'd Like To Come Back As Warren Beatty's Fingertips.

Oh, He Was Probably A Member Of The National Rifle Association. It Was A Group That Helped Criminals Get Guns So They Could Shoot Citizens. It Was A Public Service.

People Always Ask Me, Do You Ever Think You'll Wake Up One Morning And Not Be Funny? That Thought Would Never Occur To Me--it's An Odd Thought And Not Realistic. Because Funny And Me Are Not Separate. We're One.

I Never Considered Myself An Artist. I Aspire To Be An Artist, But I Never Thought I Had The Depth Or Substance Or Gift To Be An Artist. I Do Think I Have Some Talent, But It Doesn't Go As Far As Being An Artist.

I Can't Minimize The Terror Factor. As You Get Older You Get More And More Frightened Because The Terrible Indignities Of Old Age Become Closer To You.

You Know What My Philosophy Of Life Is? That It’s Important To Have Some Laughs, But You Got To Suffer A Little Too, Because Otherwise You Miss The Whole Point To Life.

The Key Point About A Demonstration Is That It Must Be Seen. Hence The Term "demonstration." If A Person Demonstrates Privately In His Own Home, This Is Not Technically A Demonstration But Merely "acting Silly" Or "behaving Like An Ass.

If I Was To See Any Of My Films Now I Would Feel, Oh God You Know It's Awful I Could Do That So Much Better Now. Look At All The Terrible Things I Did And All The Mistakes And All The Compromises And All The Blunders I Made, And It Would Be Such A Terrible Experience For Me To See Them. So It's Better That I Put It Out And Move On To The Next Thing And Make It History As Quickly As Possible.

90% Of Success In Life Is Showing Up

Success In Life

I'm Not A Big Believer In The Sense Of Jews Having A Monopoly On Comedy.

Life Is Full Of Moments That Are Good - Winning A Lottery, Seeing A Beautiful Woman, A Great Dinner - But The Whole Thing Is Tragic. It's An Oasis That Is Very Pleasant.

He Was So Depressed, He Tried To Commit Suicide By Inhaling Next To An Armenian.

The Food Here Is Terrible, And The Portions Are Too Small.

It's All Through The Actors; I Cannot Write In That Idiom

I Don't Like To Reminisce Much, And My Walls Don't Have Photographs Of Me And The Actors I Was With, Or Any Of That Stuff... I Try And Keep That Disciplined, And Just Work. There Are So Many Traps You Can Get Into, And Looking Back On Your Own Work Is Certainly One Of Them.

My Analyst Warned Me, But You Were So Beautiful I Got Another Analyst.

I Can't Understand Why More People Aren't Bisexual. It Would Double Your Chances For A Date On Saturday Night.

I Think Crime Pays. The Hours Are Good, You Travel A Lot

Some Women Feel Power Is Important, Some Women Feel That Looks Are Important, Tenderness, Intelligence...but Sense Of Humor Seems To Permeate All Of Them.

Life Is Hard For Insects. And Don't Think Mice Are Having Any Fun Either.

[the Universe Is] Haphazard, Morally Neutral, And Unimaginably Violent.

Arlene And I Have To Get A Divorce. She Thinks I'm A Pervert Because I Drank Our Water Bed.

Another Good Thing About Being Poor Is That When You Are Seventy Your Children Will Not Have You Declared Legally Insane In Order To Gain Control Of Your Estate.

Every Success Is Built On The Ability To Do Better Than Good Enough. As You Climb The Ladder Of Success, Be Sure It's Leaning Against The Right Building. Eighty Percent Of Success Is Showing Up.

In Real Life I'm Not The Character I Play In My Films. I'm Reasonably Competent, I Work Very Hard, I'm Disciplined, I Lead A Very Middle Class Life. I Work In The Mornings, I Have Lunch, I Practise My Clarinet, I Go To The Movies, I Eat Out In Restaurants Or Watch Ball Games On Television Or At The Ball Games.

Is World Peace Possible Or Is The Human Race Too Innately Aggressive? For Instance: Have You Ever Seen Women At A Sample Sale?

When I Was A Young Man, My Friends And I And All Of Us In New York Were Very Influenced By French Cinema. French Cinema Played An Enormous Influence On Those Of Us Who Wanted To Be Filmmakers.

See, I Never Gain An Ounce, Because, You Know, My Anxiety Acts Like Aerobics.

This Guy Goes To A Psychiatrist And Says, Doc, My Brother’s Crazy. He Thinks He’s A Chicken. The Doctor Says, Well, Why Don’t You Turn Him In? And The Guy Says, I Would But I Need The Eggs. Well I Guess That’s Pretty Much How I Feel About Relationships. You Know They’re Totally Irrational And Crazy And Absurd But I Guess We Keep Going Through It Because, Uh, Most Of Us Need The Eggs.

I Believe People Ought To Mate For Life...like Pigeons Or Catholics.

After 60, All Of Us Belong To The Weaker Sex.

If I Had My Life To Live Over, I Wish I Could Be A Great Pianist Or Something.

Whosoever Loveth Wisdom Is Righteous, But He That Keepeth Company With Fowl Is Weird.

Nothing Like A Little Post-traumatic Stress Disorder To Make Your Day Complete.

I Don't Rely On Anybody Except My Own Judgment. I Don't Get Much Input. I Don't Know If That's Helped Me Or If I Would Be Better Off If I Did Rely On Someone.

We Knew The Front Door Was Always Left Open, But We Broke In Just To Keep In Practice. Doxy Turned All The Washburn Family Photos To The Wall So There Wouldn't Be Any Witnesses.

The Difference Between Sex And Death Is, Death You Can Do Alone And Nobody Laughs At You.

I'm Very Old-fashioned. I Believe That People Should Stay Married For Life, Like Pigeons And Catholics.

Believing Would Be Easier If God Would Show Himself By Depositing A Million Dollars In A Swiss Bank Account In My Name

We Laughed Over It, And Hemingway Punched Me In The Mouth.

Most Of The Time I Don't Have Much Fun. The Rest Of The Time I Don't Have Any Fun At All.

I Didn't Believe In Reincarnation In My Past Life, And I Still Don't.

You Make Films Whether They're Dramas Or Comedies About Neurotic People. Flawed People. Interesting Personality Traits. To Make Them About Calm, Stable Untroubled People Isn't Interesting.

When I Was Young, I Wanted To Be A Dramatic Writer, A Writer Of Tragedy. Nothing Would've Pleased Me More Than If I Could Have Written Like Eugene O'neil Or Tennessee Williams.

Just Don't Take Any Class Where You Have To Read Beowulf.

If The [actors] Are Working, And I Have A Dinner Engagement, I Don't Do 20 Takes. I Do Five Takes And Go Home. I Want To Go To Dinner.

What If Nothing Exists And We're All In Somebody's Dream?

Between The Pope And Air Conditioning, I'd Choose Air Conditioning.

I Was Thrown Out Of Nyu For Cheating-with The Deans Wife

I Don't Wanna Live On In My Work. I Wanna Live On In My Apartment.

When A Man Is Driving In A Car And Looks Out The Window And Notices A Woman With A Great Body, As He Strains To Check Her Face Out, How Does She Know To Keep Turning So The Back Of Her Head Is Always Toward Him?

Dying Is Like Making Love, Except You Don't Get Naseous Afterwards.

Some Men Are Heterosexual And Some Men Are Bisexual And Some Men Don't Think About Sex At All ... You Know, They Become Lawyers.

I've Been Lucky Because My Films Have Consistently Made A Profit, Almost All Of Them Have Made A Profit. Never A Huge Profit, But Nobody Gets Hurt. And Therefore I Get A Lot Of Freedom.

I Do Feel It's Important To Have Some Kind Of Faith In Something, But [it Is] Impossible For Many Of Us. I Personally Don't Have Any Faith In Anything, But It's Great If You Can.

In New York State They Have A Strange Law That Says You Can't Get A Divorce Unless You Can Prove Adultery - And It's Weird, Because The Ten Commandments Say 'thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.' But New York State Says You Have To. Well, Finally, What Happened Was That My Wife Committed Adultery For Me. She's Always Been More Mechanically Inclined Than I Have.

There's A Tacit Agreement Between Myself And The Audience That I Will Entertain Them When They Buy Their Ticket, And I've Been The One That Has Screwed That Up. Once In While I Indulge Myself And Try Something Else, And I Keep My Fingers Crossed That It Will Come Out Good And There'll Be Enough People Who Will Enjoy It, But That Doesn't Often Happen.

Remember, If You Smoke After Sex You're Doing It Too Fast.

Don't Think Of Death As An Ending. Think Of It As A Really Effective Way Of Cutting Down Your Expenses.

Why Does Man Kill? He Kills For Food. And Not Only Food: Frequently There Must Be A Beverage.

My Films Are Therapy For My Debilitating Depression. In Institutions People Weave Baskets. I Make Films.

Talent Is Luck. The Important Thing In Life Is Courage.

I'm Not Anti-social. I'm Just Not Social.

When You Make The Film, There's A Big Difference Between When You're In Your Own Home At The Typewriter, And When You're Standing On A Mountain, Or On A Street Corner, And Buses Are Coming By-it's A Different Reality. You Make A Million Changes That Were Never In The Script, But That Reality Dictates.

90 Per Cent Of Success Is Turning Up.

When I Am In New York, I Want To Be In Europe, And When I Am In Europe, I Want To Be In New York.

I Have No Idea What I Am Doing But Incompetence Has Never Prevented Me From Plunging In With Enthusiasm.

It Is Clear The Future Holds Great Opportunities. It Also Holds Pitfalls. The Trick Will Be To Avoid The Pitfalls, Seize The Opportunities, And Get Back Home By Six O'clock.

I'm A Comedian. I Make Comic Films And There Are Certain Ideas That Occur To Me That Are Comic, With Heavy, Serious Undertones. There Are Some Ideas That Are More Frivolous To Me. The Next Idea That Could Occur To Me Could Be Comedy About Death And Famine Or Something.

Sex And Death. Two Things That Come But Once In My Lifetime, But At Least After Death You're Not Nauseous.

It Is Impossible To Travel Faster Than Light, And Certainly Not Desirable, As One’s Hat Keeps Blowing Off.

I Loathed Every Day And Regret Every Moment I Spent In A School.

I'm Short Enough And Ugly Enough To Succeed On My Own.

His Lack Of Education Is More Than Compensated For By His Keenly Developed Moral Bankruptcy.

I Would Not Like To Live In The Past Because You Don't Get Anesthetic When You Go To The Dentist. You Don't Get Antibiotics. You Don't Get The Things That You Are Used To Now, Cell Phones And Televisions And Things That Are Very Convenient. You Don't Want That. But, It Would Be Fun If You Could, Every Now And Then, Just Meet A Friend For Lunch At Maxim's In Paris In 1900, Or Go Back To 1870 Just For A Couple Of Hours, Take A Walk In The Park, And Then Come Right Back To Broadway.

I Think There Is Too Much Wrong With The World To Ever Get Too Relaxed And Happy. The More Natural State, And The Better One, I Think, Is One Of Some Anxiety And Tension Over Man's Plight In This Mysterious Universe.

Mysterious Universe

People Ask Me Whether I Think That One Day I Might Wake Up One Morning And Run Dry, But I've Had The Opposite Feeling - That I Would Die Before I Had Time To Write All The Ideas In My Drawer.

Paranoia Is Knowing All The Facts.

Having Sex Is Like Playing Bridge. If You Don't Have A Good Partner, You'd Better Have A Good Hand.

I'm Such A Good Lover Because I Practice A Lot On My Own.

I've Always Been Lucky In Casting. The Trick In Casting Is To Hire Great People, And Let Them Do What They Do, Don't Interfere With Them Too Much. And Then When They're Great, Take Credit For It In The End.

All Over The World, Relationships Between Men And Women Are Very, Very Tricky And Very Difficult And You Don't Learn Anything. It's Not An Exact Science, So You Can't Learn Anything. You're Always Going By Instinct And Your Instinct Betrays You Because You Want What You Want When You Want It.

Do I Believe In God? I Did Until Mother's Accident. She Fell On Some Meat Loaf And It Penetrated Her Spleen.

The Only Love That Lasts Is Unrequited Love.

I’m Going To Kill Myself. I Should Go To Paris And Jump Off The Eiffel Tower. I’ll Be Dead. You Know, In Fact, If I Get The Concorde, I Could Be Dead Three Hours Earlier, Which Would Be Perfect. Or Wait A Minute. It -- With The Time Change, I Could Be Alive For Six Hours In New York But Dead Three Hours In Paris. I Could Get Things Done, And I Could Also Be Dead.

I Got A Divorce Because My Ex-wife Left Me For Another Woman.

I Don't Mind Dying... As Long As I Don't Have To Be There When It Happens.

The Heart Is A Very, Very Resilient Little Muscle. It Really Is.

I Hope You're Getting This Down.

People Make Films For Different Reasons. For Money. Or, They Make Them Because Something In Them Demands Artistic Expression. I Do It Because I Enjoy The Work.

A Man That Has Never Lied To A Woman Has No Respect For Her Feelings.

Men Learn To Love The Woman They Are Attracted To. Women Learn To Become Attracted To The Man They Fall In Love With.

Falling In Love

My Films Are A Form Of Psychoanalysis, Except That It Is I Who Am Paid, Which Changes Everything.

I Work All The Time Because It's A Great Distraction And It Keeps Me From Sitting Home And Obsessing Morbidly.

I Didn't Go To Paris Until I Was A Grown-up In 1965. And When I Went To Paris, It Was The Paris I Knew Only From American Movies.

Honey, There's A Spider In Your Bathroom The Size Of A Buick.

You Use Sex To Express Every Emotion Except Love.

One Man Starving Puts A Crimp In My Evening.

Chastity Is Curable, If Detected Early.

I Never Ever See A Film Of Mine After I Release It To The Public. I See It When I Shoot It In My Dailies And While I'm Editing It, Re-editing It And Reshooting It And All That. By The Time It's Finished I Never Want To See It Again.

Let's Say There Was No Terrorism Whatsoever And We Were All Very Nice To One Another And We Were All Kind, We Still Would Be Faced With An Extremely Cruel And Hostile Universe And Existence And So I'm A Great Pessimist And I Feel That It's Impossible Really To Be Happy, And That The Best You Can Hope For Is To Be Distracted.

One Of The Interesting Things Is, The Most Gifted People, The Biggest People, Have No Problem Taking Small Roles.

The Best Things In Life Are Censored.

Best Things In Life

Life Is Divided Into The Horrible And The Miserable.

My Mother Never Had Time For Me. When You're The Middle Child In A Family Of Five Million, You Don't Get Any Attention.

What' S The Matter With Me? Why Can't I Be Cool?

I Will Not Eat Oysters. I Want My Food Dead - Not Sick, Not Wounded - Dead.

Life Is Like A Concentration Camp... You Can't Leave Without Dying.

The Process Of Making Films Is So Technically Demanding That It's A Distraction. You Don't Spend Your Time Thinking About The Philosophical Content, Which Is Often Very Depressing.

Dying Is One Of The Few Things That Can Be Done As Easily Lying Down.

If You Can Delude Yourself By Believing That There Is Some Kind Of Santa Claus Out There Who Is Going To Bail You Out In The End, Then It Will Help You Get Through. Even If You Are Proven Wrong In The End, You Would Have Had A Better Life Than A Non-believer.

My Gift Was In Comedy. I Found Out I Could Make Jokes. I Could Tell Jokes. I Could Write Them. So Over The Years, That's What I've Done.

Bisexuality Immediately Doubles Your Chances For A Date On Saturday Night.

It's Important To Control Yourself Because Life Gets Too Complicated If You Don't, But The Impulse Is Often There For People. Some Say Society Should Be More Open. That Doesn't Work Either.

My Parents Stayed Together For Forty Years. But That Was Out Of Spite.

I Can't Do Anything To Death, Doctor's Orders.

I've Inherited The Worst Of Each Parent. I Have My Father's Hypochondria And Lack Of Concentration. I Have His Amorality. I Have Everything Bad That He Had. Then I Have My Mother's Surly, Pill-like, Complaining, Whining Attitude.

To Be A Film Director Is Not A Democracy, It's Really A Tyranny. You're The Head Of The Project, For Better Rather Than Worse. I Write The Film And I Direct The Film, I Decide Who's Going To Be In It, I Decide On The Editing, I Put In The Music From My Own Record Collection.

The Baby Is Fine. The Only Problem Is That He Looks Like Edward G. Robinson.

All I Have In My Life Is My Imagination

Magic Has Always Been Of A Great Interest Of Mine. I Was An Amateur Magician When I Was Young. I Used To Practice And Read Up On It A Lot. I'm Well-aware Of The History Of Magic.

It's A Wonderful Thing To Be Able To Create Your Own World Whenever You Want To.

Is Sex Dirty? Only If It's Done Right.

I Read In Self-defense.

I Like Broad Comedy. If I Had An Idea Tomorrow For A Film That Was All Slapstick And Broad Comedy, And It Was An Idea That Interested Me, I Would Not Hesitate To Do It Because I Enjoy Watching These Kinds Of Film.

As I Got More Confident, I Was Able To Let Actors Improvise, And Do Long Takes. It's 10%, 5% You Learn And Experience. The Rest You Just Have Or You Don't Have.

Humorists Always Sit At The Children's Table.

If You Take A Frown And Turn It Upside Down, The Person You Are Holding By The Ankles Will Soon Pass Out.

Well, Trouble's My Middle Name. Actually, My Middle Name Is Marion, But I Don't Want You Spreading That Around.

Real Software Engineers Don't Debug Programs, They Verify Correctness. This Process Doesn't Necessarily Involve Execution Of Anything On A Computer, Except Perhaps A Correctness Verification Aid Package. Sex Without Love Is An Empty Experience, But, As Empty Experiences Go, It's One Of The Best.

How Am I Immature? Intellectually, Emotionally, And Sexually. Yeah, But In What Other Ways?

Your Still Searching For Me In Every Woman. You'll Always Seek To Duplicate What We Had. You Know It.

Our Love, Our Love Will Last Forever. It's Forever But It Just Doesn't Work. That's Why It Will Always Be Romantic Because It Can Not Be Complete.

There Is Dignity In Suffering; Nobility In Pain; But Failure Is A Salted Wound, That Burns And Burns Again!

The French Make Two Mistakes About Me. They Think I'm An Intellectual Because I Wear These Glasses And They Think I'm An Artist Because My Films Lose Money.

I Was Walking Through The Woods, Thinking About Christ. If He Was A Carpenter, I Wondered What He Charged For Bookshelves.

I've Gained No Wisdom, No Insight, No Mellowing. I Would Make All The Same Mistakes Again, Today.

Is It Better To Be The Lover Or The Loved One? Neither, If Your Cholesterol Is Over Six Hundred. By Love, Of Course, I Refer To Romantic Love -- The Love Between Man And Woman, Rather Than Between Mother And Child, Or A Boy And His Dog, Or Two Headwaiters.

Science Is An Intellectual Dead End, You Know? It's A Lot Of Little Guys In Tweed Suits Cutting Up Frogs On Foundation Grants.

When You Are Dead, It Is Hard To Find The Light Switch.

Of All Human Weakness Obsession Is The Most Dangerous. And The Silliest.

What If The Worst Is True? What If There's No God, And You Only Go Around Once, And That's It? Don't You Want To Be A Part Of The Experience? You Know, What The Hell? It's Not All A Drag, And I'm Thinking To Myself: Geez! I Should Stop Ruining My Life Searching For Answers I'm Never Gonna Get And Just Enjoy It While It Lasts. And, You Know, After-who Knows? Maybe There Is Something, Nobody Really Knows. I Know That Maybe Is A Very Slim Reed To Hang Your Whole Life On, But That's The Best We Have.

There Is No Justice, There Is No Rational Structure To It [life]. That Is Just The Way It Is, And Each Person Figures Out Some Way To Cope.

You Can't Anticipate In The Room The Riches Of What You Encounter When You're Location Hunting For A Movie.

Don't You See The Rest Of The Country Looks Upon New York Like We're Left-wing, Communist, Jewish, Homosexual Pornographers? I Think Of Us That Way Sometimes And I Live Here.

In A Relationship, It Is Better To Be The Leaver Than The Leavee.

I Am Not Afraid Of Death. I Just Don't Want To Be There When It Happens.

History Is The Same Thing Over And Over Again.

Fitness Motivational

Temporary Insanity

I Can Levitate Birds. No One Cares.

When It Comes To Sex There Are Certain Things That Should Always Be Left Unknown, And With My Luck, They Probably Will Be.

Ads Answered Out Of Desperation In The New York Review Of Books Proved Equally Futile As…the 'bay Area Bisexual' Told Me I Didn't Quite Coincide With Either Of Her Desires.

I Never Have An Alter Ego In The Movies. That's A Fiction That The Press Has Made Up Over The Years, And It's Fun To Write That. It Gives Them Something To Write.

It Has Become Harder And Harder In The United States To Make Films Unhampered By Outside Influences. I've Always Been Able To Steer Clear Of That And Keep The Business People Out Of My Hair Completely.

Doing Abominations Is Against The Law, Particularly If The Abominations Are Done While Wearing A Lobster Bib.

Please Forgive Me. My Pedicurist Had A Stroke. She Fell Forward Onto The Orange Stick And Plunged It Into My Toe. It Required Bandaging.

Death Is An Acquired Trait.

I Always Thought That As Long As Man Is Mortal, He Will Never Be Relaxed.

I Like Writing. It Keeps My Mind Off Grim Subjects. It's Therapeutic In The Same Way A Patient In An Institution Is Given Fingerpaints.

The Curtain Rises On A Vast Primitive Wasteland, Not Unlike Certain Parts Of New Jersey.

You Can Learn Technological Things, You Can Learn About Specific Things, But The Real Problems That People Deal With In Any Subject, Existential Subjects Or Romantic Subjects, You Never Learn Anything. So You Make A Fool Of Yourself When You're 20, You Make A Fool Of Yourself At 40, At 60 At 80. The Ancient Greeks Were Dealing With These Problems. They Screwed Up All The Time. People Do Now.

You Are Always A Comedian By Default. You Are This Way Because You've Been Forced To Be This Way, But It Is Better To Be The Hero. So If You Can Be A Persona, The Great One Of My Lifetime Of Course Was And Is Marlon Brando.

The Less I Speak To The Actors, The Better. And I Always Hire Great People, And I Don't Want To Impose My Pre-conceived Notions On Them. They Know How To Play It.

You Know How You're Always Trying To Get Things To Come Out Perfect In Art Because It's Real Difficult In Life

What Is So Fascinating About Sitting Around Watching A Bunch Of Pituitary Cases Stuff A Ball Through A Hoop?

Why Not? Life Is Short, Life Is Dull, Life Is Full Of Pain - And This Is A Chance For Something Special.

If 90% Of Success In Life Is Showing Up, The Other 10% Depends On What You're Showing Up For.

I'm Going To My Psychoanalyst One More Year, Then I'm Going To Lourdes.

Once Munching Has Begun, Schopenhauer Held, The Human Will Cannot Resist Further Munching, And The Result Is A Universe With Crumbs Over Everything.

I Believe That Sex Is A Beautiful Thing Between Two People. Between Five, It's Fantastic.

Psychoanalyses Is Like Music Lessons, For 5 Years You Do Not Notice Any Progress And Suddenly You Can Play The Piano.

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