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By The Time A Bartender Knows What Drink A Man Will Have Before He Orders, There Is Little Else About Him Worth Knowing.

-Don Marquis

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By The Time A

Don Marquis

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By The Time A Bartender Knows What Drink A Man Will Have Before He Orders, There Is Little Else About Him Worth Knowing.

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What Man Calls Civilization Always Results In Deserts.

Publishing A Volume Of Verse Is Like Dropping A Rose Petal Down The Grand Canyon And Waiting For The Echo.

The Female Of All Species Are Most Dangerous When They Appear To Retreat.

Blood Will Tell, But Often It Tells Too Much.

If The World Were Not So Full Of People, And Most Of Them Did Not Have To Work So Hard, There Would Be More Time For Them To Get Out And Lie On The Grass, And There Would Be More Grass For Them To Lie On.

As The Skull Of The Man Grows Broader, So Do His Creeds. And His Gods They Are Shaped In His Image And Mirror His Needs. And He Clothes Them With Thunders And Beauty, He Clothes Them With Music And Fire, Seeing Not, As He Bows By Their Altars, That He Worships His Own Desire.

There Is Always A Comforting Thought In Time Of Trouble When It Is Not Our Trouble.

A Demagogue Is A Person With Whom We Disagree As To Which Gang Should Mismanage The Country.

A Great Many People Who Spend Their Time Mourning Over The Brevity Of Life Could Make It Seem Longer If They Did A Little More Work.

It Is A Cheering Thought To Think That God Is On The Side Of The Best Digestion.

It Is Better To Be A Part Of Beauty For One Instant And Then Cease To Exist Than To Exist Forever And Never Be A Part Of Beauty

Nearly Every Night Before I Go To Bed I Ask Myself, "have I Vibrated In Tune With The Infinite Today, Or Have I Failed?

A Certain Alloy Of Expediency Improves The Gold Of Morality And Makes It Wear All The Longer.

It Takes All Sorts Of People To Make The Underworld.

Punctuality Is One Of The Cardinal Business Virtues: Always Insist On It In Your Subordinates.

Funny Inspirational

Censors Are Necessary, Increasingly Necessary, If America Is To Avoid Having A Vital Literature.

This Is Another Day! Are Its Eyes Blurred With Maudlin Grief For Any Wasted Past? A Thousand Thousand Failures Shall Not Daunt! Let Dust Clasp Dust, Death, Death; I Am Alive!

There Is Bound To Be A Certain Amount Of Trouble Running Any Country. If You Are President, The Trouble Happens To You. But If You Are A Tyrant You Can Arrange Things So That Most Of The Trouble Happens To Other People.

Procrastination Is The Art Of Keeping Up With Yesterday.

Procrastination

Of Middle Age The Best That Can Be Said Is That A Middle Aged Person Has Likely Learned How To Have A Little Fun In Spite Of His Troubles.

Just As Soon As The Uplifters Get A Country Reformed It Slips Into A Nose Dive.

I Would Rather Start A Family Than Finish One.

Starting A Family

The High Cost Of Living Isnt So Bad If You Dont Have To Pay For It

From 'the Lesson Of The Moth': And Before I Could Argue Him Out Of His Philosophy He Went And Immolated Himself On A Patent Cigar Lighter I Do Not Agree With Him Myself I Would Rather Have Half The Happiness And Twice The Longevity But At The Same Time I Wish There Was Something I Wanted As Badly As He Wanted To Fry Himself

It Would Be A Colorless World If Each Individual Did Not Secretly Believe Himself Superior To Almost Everyone Else.

The Most Pleasant And Useful Persons Are Those Who Leave Some Of The Problems Of The Universe For God To Worry About.

He Worked Like Hell In The Country So He Could Live In The City, Where He Worked Like Hell So He Could Live In The Country.

For Him Who Fain Would Teach The World The World Holds Hate In Fee- For Socrates, The Hemlock Cup; For Christ, Gethsemane.

I Have Had My Ups And Downs But Wotthehell Wotthehell Yesterday Sceptres And Crowns Fried Oysters And Velvet Gowns And Today I Herd With Bums But Wotthehell Wotthehell I Wake The World From Sleep As I Caper And Sing And Leap When I Sing My Wild Free Tune Wotthehell Wotthehell Under The Blear Eyed Moon I Am Pelted With Cast Off Shoon But Wotthehell Wotthehell

One Of The Most Important Things To Remember About Infant Care Is: Don't Change Diapers In Midstream.

Life's Too Damn Funny For Me To Explain.

Many A Man Spanks His Children For Things His Own Father Should Have Spanked Out Of Him.

Pity The Meek, For They Shall Inherit The Earth.

A Little While With Grief And Laughter, And Then The Day Will Close; The Shadows Gather ... What Comes After No Man Knows.

Most Of The People Living In New York Have Come Here From The Far To Try To Make Enough Money To Go Back To The Farm

The Chief Obstacle To The Progress Of The Human Race Is The Human Race.

An Old Stomach Reforms More Whiskey Drinkers Than A New Resolve.

We Pay For The Mistakes Of Our Ancestors, And It Seems Only Fair That They Should Leave Us The Money To Pay With.

Happiness Is The Interval Between Periods Of Unhappiness.

There Was Once A Hindu Sage, Who Sat Down On The Banks Of The Ganges And Thought For Seventy Years About The Millennium. Just As He Arrived At The Solution And Was Putting It Into Verse, A Mosquito Stung Him And He Forgot It Again At Once.

When You Can't Have Anything Else, You Can Have Virtue.

I Love You As New Englanders Love Pie!

A Fierce Unrest Seethes At The Core, Of All Existing Things:, It Was The Eager Wish To Soar, That Gave The Gods Their Wings.

Poetry Is What Milton Saw When He Went Blind.

Man Cannot Be Uplifted; He Must Be Seduced Into Virtue

For All Of The Creeds Are False, And All Of The Creeds Are True; And Low At The Shrines Where My Brothers Bow, There Will I Bow Too; For No Form Of A God, And No Fashion Man Has Made In His Desperate Passion, But Is Worthy Some Worship Of Mine; Not Too Hot With A Gross Belief, Nor Yet Too Cold With Pride, I Will Bow Me Down Where My Brothers Bow, Humble, But Open Eyed.

I Do Not See Why Men Sheould Be So Proud Insects Have The More Ancient Lineage According To The Scientists Insects Were Insects When Man Was Only A Burbling Whatisit.

An Idea Isn't Responsible For The People Who Believe In It.

Give Up The Dream That Love May Trick The Fates To Live Again Somewhere Beyond The Gleam Of Dying Stars, Or Shatter The Strong Gates Some God Has Builded High; Give Up The Dream.

I Have Often Noticed That Ancestors Never Boast Of The Descendants Who Boast Of Ancestors. I Would Rather Start A Family Than Finish One. Blood Will Tell, But Often It Tells Too Much.

A Sequel Is An Admission That You've Been Reduced To Imitating Yourself.

Personally My Ambition Is To Get My Time As A Cockroach Shortened For Good Behavior And Be Promoted To A Revenue Officer It Is Not Much Of A Step Up But I Am Humble

Yes, He's Got All Them Different Kinds Of Thoroughbred Blood In Him, And He's Got Other Kinds You Ain't Mentioned And That You Ain't Slick Enough To See.

Not Every Woman In Old Slippers Can Manage To Look Like Cinderella

The Trouble With The Public Is That There Is Too Much Of It; What We Need In Public Is Less Quantity And More Quality.

That Stern And Rockbound Coast Felt Like An Amateur When It Saw How Grim The Puritans That Landed On It Were.

I Suppose The Human Race Is Doing The Best It Can But Hells Bells Thats Only An Explanation Its Not An Excuse.

If A Child Shows Himself Incorrigible, He Should Be Decently And Quietly Beheaded At The Age Of Twelve, Lest He Grow To Maturity, Marry, And Perpetuate His Kind.

An Optimist Is The Person Who Has Never Had Any Experience At All.

In Order To Influence A Child, One Must Be Careful Not To Be That Child's Parent Or Grandparent.

When A Man Tells You That He Got Rich Through Hard Work, Ask Him: 'whose?'

Too Many Creatures Both Insects And Humans Estimate Their Own Value By The Amount Of Minor Irritation They Are Able To Cause To Greater Personalities Than Themselves.

I Get Up In The Morning With An Idea For A Three-volume Novel And By Nightfall It's A Paragraph In My Column.

It Has Been My Observation And Experience, And That Of My Family, That Nothing Human Works Out Well.

Fire Is Beautiful And We Know That If We Get Too Close It Will Kill Us But What Does That Matter It Is Better To Be Happy For A Moment And Be Burned Up With Beauty Than To Live A Long Time And Be Bored All The While

You Want To Know Whether I Believe In Ghosts? Of Course I Do Not Believe In Them. If You Had Known As Many Of Them As I Have, You Would Not Believe In Them Either.

It Wont Be Long Now It Wont Be Long Man Is Making Deserts Of The Earth It Wont Be Long Now Before Man Will Have Used It Up So That Nothing But Ants And Centipedes And Scorpions Can Find A Living On It.

Honesty Is A Good Thing, But It Is Not Profitable To Its Possessor Unless It Is Kept Under Control.

What Man Calls Civilizationalways Results In Desertsman Is Never On The Squarehe Uses Up The Fat And Greenery Of The Eartheach Generation Wastes A Little Moreof The Future With Greed And Lust For Riches

I Once Heard The Survivors Of A Colony Of Ants That Had Been Partially Obliterated By A Cow's Foot Seriously Debating The Intention Of The Gods Towards Their Civilization.

An Optimist Is A Guy That Has Never Had Much Experience.

The Art Of Newspaper Paragraphing Is To Stroke A Platitude Until It Purrs Like An Epigram.

Insects Have Their Own Point Of View About Civilization A Man Thinks He Amounts To A Great Deal But To A Flea Or A Mosquito A Human Being Is Merely Something Good To Eat.

If You Want To Get Rich From Writing, Write The Sort Of Thing That's Read By Persons Who Move Their Lips When They're Reading To Themselves.

Middle Age Is The Time When A Man Is Always Thinking That In A Week Or Two He Will Feel As Good As Ever.

Life Is One Damned Kitten After Another." Mehitabel The Alley Cat

By The Time A Bartender Knows What Drink A Man Will Have Before He Orders, There Is Little Else About Him Worth Knowing.

My Heart Hath Followed All My Days Something I Cannot Name.

Old Godheads Sink In Space And Drown Their Arks Like Foundered Galleons Sucked Down.

Every Cloud Has Its Silver Lining But It Is Sometimes A Little Difficult To Get It To The Mint.

No Form Of Government Matters Nearly As Much As The Spirit And Intelligence Brought To The Administration Of Any Form Of Government.

The Things That I Can't Have I Want, And What I Have Seems Second-rate, The Things I Want To Do I Can't, And What I Have To Do I Hate.

Between The Years Of Ninety-two And A Hundred And Two, However, We Shall Be The Ribald, Useless, Drunken, Outcast Person We Have Always Wished To Be. We Shall Have A Long White Beard And Long White Hair; We Shall Not Walk At All, But Recline In A Wheel Chair And Bellow For Alcoholic Beverages; In The Winter We Shall Sit Before The Fire With Our Feet In A Bucket Of Hot Water, A Decanter Of Corn Whiskey Near At Hand, And Write Ribald Songs Against Organized Society... We Look Forward To A Disreputable, Vigorous, Unhonoured, And Disorderly Old Age.

Fishing Is A Delusion Entirely Surrounded By Liars In Old Clothes.

In All Systems Of Theology The Devil Figures As A Male Person. Yes, It Is Women Who Keep The Church Going.

A Pessimist Is A Person Who Has Had To Listen To Too Many Optimists.

Persian Pussy From Over The Sea Demure And Lazy And Smug And Fat None Of Your Ribbons And Bells For Me Ours Is The Zest Of The Alley Cat

Ideas Pull The Trigger, But Instinct Loads The Gun.

Vibrations Are The Key To Everything. Atoms Used To Be, But Atoms Have Quite Gone Out.

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