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But The World Did Not Match The Picture In My Head, And Instead I Was With A Strange, Uncombed Person, Overlooking A Sea Without Water And A Forest Without Trees.

-Daniel Handler

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But The World Did

Daniel Handler

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But The World Did Not Match The Picture In My Head, And Instead I Was With A Strange, Uncombed Person, Overlooking A Sea Without Water And A Forest Without Trees.

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I Was Stupid, The Official Descriptive Phrase For Happy.

Wishing, Like Sipping A Glass Of Punch, Or Pulling Aside A Bearskin Rug In Order To Access A Hidden Trapdoor In The Floor, Is Merely A Quiet Way To Spend One's Time Before The Candles Are Extinguished On One's Birthday Cake.

I Am Heartbroken, But I Have Been Heartbroken Before, And This Might Be The Best For Which I Can Hope.

The Thing With Your Heart's Desire Is That Your Heart Doesn't Even Know What It Desires Until It Turns Up.

The Way Sadness Works Is One Of The Strangest Riddles Of The World.

Those Unable To Catalog The Past Are Doomed To Repeat It.

Blinded Following The Blindfolded

You May Be Right,' She Said, A Phrase Which Here Meant 'i’m Wrong, But I Don’t Have The Courage To Say So.

With The Publishing Of The Basic Eight, It Was Often Assumed That I Was Really Immature And Callow, And With The Publishing Of Watch Your Mouth, It Was Assumed That I Was Oversexualized, And With Lemony Snicket, It's Often Assumed That I'm Erudite And Depressed. But All The Voices More Or Less Came Naturally To Me.

People Worry More About Girls, For A Good Reason: I Don't Think My Parents Thought I Was Going To Be Raped By A Classmate Or Attacked When I Was Walking Alone In Some Neighborhood. So It's Not Just Paranoid Parents.

Never, Under Any Circumstances, Let The Virginian Wolfsnake Near A Typewriter.

If An Optimist Had His Left Arm Chewed Off By An Alligator, He Might Say In A Pleasant And Hopeful Voice, "well This Isn't Too Bad, I Don't Have A Left Arm Anymore But At Least Nobody Will Ever Ask Me If I'm Left-handed Or Right-handed," But Most Of Us Would Say Something More Along The Lines Of, "aaaaaa! My Arm! My Arm!"

If Only Uncle Monty Knew What We Know," Violet Said, "and Stephano Knew That He Knew What We Know. But Uncle Monty Doesn't Know What We Know, And Stephano Knows That He Doesn't Know What We Know." "i Know," Klause Said. "i Know You Know," Violet Said

For Beatrice- When We Were Together I Felt Breathless. Now You Are.

The Rinsed Foam Swirled Into One Drain That Always Clogged Come October When The Maples Dropped Canadian Propaganda Over Everything.

They Say In Every Library There Is A Single Book That Can Answer The Question That Burns Like A Fire In The Mind.

If You Have Ever Lost A Loved One, Then You Know Exactly How It Feels. And If You Have Not, Then You Cannot Possibly Imagine It.

There Are Some Secrets You Want To Keep To Yourself, Even If They Don't Matter. They Might Only Matter If You Keep Them Secret.

There Is No Way Of Knowing For Sure Whether Or Not You Can Trust Someone, For The Simple Reason That Circumstances Change All Of The Time.

...you Know That A Good, Long Session Of Weeping Can Often Make You Feel Better, Even If Your Circumstances Have Not Changed One Bit.

They Looked At Each Other Like A Pair Of Parentheses.

The Basic Eight And Watch Your Mouth Both Have First-person Voices, And I Ended Up Investigating Those Voices And Investing So Much In Them That I Think Many People Took Them More Seriously Than They Ought To Have.

I Write Storys To Entertain Not To Be The Best

I Met [my Editor] In A Bar Where Alcoholic Beverages Are Served And I Bought Her One And I Told Her The Idea. And She Said That She Liked It Very Much, Which Embarrassed Me Because I Thought It Meant That She Was A Lightweight And That In The Morning, As So Many Women Say To So Many Men, What Seems Like A Good Idea, You Know, Turns Out Not To Be.

There Are Many Difficult Things In This World To Hide, But A Secret Is Not One Of Them.

Like People, Animals Will Become Frightened And Likely Do Whatever You Say If You Whip Them Enough.

The Sad Truth Is The Truth Is Sad.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

There Are Some People Who Believe That Home Is Where One Hangs One's Hat, But These People Tend To Live In Closets And On Little Pegs.

The Sea Is Nothing But A Library Of All The Tears In History.

Or Why You Are Wearing A Picture Of Santa Clause On You Shirts, But-” “it’s Herman Melville.

There Is A Pair Of Snakes Who Have Learned To Drive A Car So Recklessly That They Would Run You Over In The Street And Never Stop To Apologize.

I Was Not A Particularly Brave Child, I Think, Because I Had A Narrative Mind, Because My Mind Automatically Went To Any Terrible Thing That Could Happen.

Wicked People Never Have Time For Reading. It's One Of The Reasons For Their Wickedness.

I Don't Know If You've Ever Noticed This, But First Impressions Are Often Entirely Wrong.

First Impression

Wrong Impression

But One Type Of Book That Practically No One Likes To Read Is A Book About The Law. Books About The Law Are Notorious For Being Very Long, Very Dull, And Very Difficult To Read. This Is One Reason Many Lawyers Make Heaps Of Money. The Money Is An Incentive - The Word "incentive" Here Means "an Offered Reward To Persuade You To Do Something You Don't Want To Do - To Read Long, Dull, And Difficult Books.

Of Course I'm Trying To Trick You! That's The Way Of The World, Baudelaires. Everyone Runs Around With Their Secrets And Their Schemes, Trying To Outwit Everyone Else.

Figuratively, They Escaped From Cout Olaf And Their Miserable Existence. They Did Not Literally Escape, Because They Were Still In His House And Vulnerable To Olaf's Evil In Loco Parentis Ways.

So You’re Reluctant, I Said To Myself. Many, Many People Are Reluctant. It’s Like Having Feet. It’s Nothing To Brag About.

The Thing You Hope Will Never Happen To You Might Just Happen To Someone Else Instead, Who Has Been Spending Their Life Dreading The Thing That Will Happen To You.

Siblings That Say They Never Fight Are Most Definitely Hiding Something

Hiding Something

I Can See It, Ed, I Leaned Deeper Into You, Felt You Nodding Along With The Sounds In The Room, And Your Warmth Signaled Through To Me From Under Your Shirt, Lovely Strong, Safe And Right.

One Cannot Spend Forever Sitting And Solving The Mysteries Of Oone's History.

And A Refrigerator May Hold A Basket Of Strawberries, Which Would Be Important If A Maniac Said To You, "if You Don't Give Me A Basket Of Strawberries Right Now, I'm Going To Poke You With This Large Stick." But When The Two Elder Baudelaires And Quigley Quagmire Opened The Refrigerator, They Found Nothing That Would Help Someone Who Was Wounded, Dying Of Thirst, Or Being Threatened By A Strawberry-crazed, Stick-carrying Maniac.

Love Can Smack You Like A Seagull, And Pour All Over Your Feet Like Junkmail. You Can't Be Ready For Such A Thing Any More Than Salt Water Taffy Gets You Ready For The Ocean.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures" Is An Aphorism Which Here Means "sometimes You Need To Change Your Facial Expression In Order To Create A Workable Disguise." The Quoting Of An Aphorism, Such As "it Takes A Village To Raise A Child," "no News Is Good News," And "love Conquers All," Rarely Indicates That Something Helpful Is About To Happen, Which Is Why We Provide Our Volunteers With A Disguise Kit In Addition To Helpful Phrases Of Advice.

This Is An Absurd Moral, For You And I Both Know That Sometimes Not Only Is It Good To Lie, It Is Necessary To Lie.

Never Mind What My Name Is,” The Man Said. “no One Can Pronounce It Anyway. Just Call Me Sir.

But The Law Is An Odd Thing. For Instance, One Country In Europe Has A Law That Requires All Its Bakers To Sell Bread At The Exact Same Price. A Certain Island Has A Law That Forbids Anyone From Removing Its Fruit. And A Town Not Too Far From Where You Live Has A Law That Bars Me From Coming Within Five Miles Of Its Borders.

Historically, A Story About People Inside Impressive Buildings Ignoring Or Even Taunting People Standing Outside Shouting At Them Turns Out To Be A Story With An Unhappy Ending.

The Quoting Of An Aphorism, Like The Angry Barking Of A Dog Or The Smell Of Overcooked Broccoli, Rarely Indicates That Something Helpful Is About To Happen.

If You Have Ever Slept In A Covered Casserole Dish On The Highest Peak Of A Mountain Range, Then You Know That It Is An Uncomfortable Place To Lay One's Head, Even If You Find A Dish Towel Inside It That Can Serve As A Blanket.

Mountain Ranges

Today Was A Very Cold And Bitter Day, As Cold And Bitter As A Cup Of Hot Chocolate, If The Cup Of Hot Chocolate Had Vinegar Added To It And Were Placed In A Refrigerator For Several Hours.

The Thing With Your Heart's Desire Is That Your Heart Doesn't Even Know What It Desires Until It Turns Up. Like A Tie At A Tag Sale, Some Perfect Thing In A Crate Of Nothing, You Were Just There, Uninvited, And Now Suddenly The Party Was Over And You Were All I Wanted. I Hadn't Even Been Looking, Not For You, And Now You Were My Heart's Desire.

Well-read People Are Less Likely To Be Evil.

We Need Things, And The Opposite Of Them, And We Are So Rarely Completely Comfortable.

It Is So Rare In This World To Meet A Trustworthy Person Who Truly Wants To Help You, And Finding Such A Person Can Make You Feel Warm And Safe, Even If You Are In The Middle Of A Windy Valley High Up In The Mountains.

I'm Sure You Have Heard It Said That Appearance Does Not Matter So Much, And That It Is What's On The Inside That Counts. This Is, Of Course, Utter Nonsense, Because If It Were True Then People Who Were Good On This Inside Would Would Never Have To Comb Their Hair Or Take A Bath, And The Whole World Would Smell Even Worse Than It Already Does.

There's Information About Everything From Poetry To Pills, From Picture Frames To Pyramids, And From Pudding To Psychology--and That's Just In The P Aisle, Which We're Walking Down Right Now.

I Like To Give People Novels I Think They Would Like, On No Particular Occasion - Just When We're In A Bookstore Together. I Like To Receive Reference Books On My Birthday.

This Knowledge Sits In My Heart, Heavy As A Paperweight.

The Miracle Is The Adverbs, The Way Things Are Done.

This Story Is About The Baudelaires. And They Are The Sort Of People Who Know That There’s Always Something. Something To Invent, Something To Read, Something To Bite, And Something To Do, To Make A Sanctuary, No Matter How Small. And For This Reason, I Am Happy To Say, The Baudelaires Were Very Fortunate Indeed.

It Was A Secret Time And Place, You Next To Me, Untraceable And Out Of This World

It Is Much, Much Worse To Receive Bad News Through The Written Word Than By Somebody Simply Telling You, And I’m Sure You Understand Why. When Somebody Simply Tells You Bad News, You Hear It Once, And That’s The End Of It. But When Bad News Is Written Down, Whether In A Letter Or A Newspaper Or On Your Arm In Felt Tip Pen, Each Time You Read It, You Feel As If You Are Receiving The Bad News Again And Again.

We All Know Of Course, That We Should Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Fiddle Around In Any Way With Electrical Equipment. Never.

Hal Is On His Way." The Nurse Announced Reentering The Room.

Wherever There’s A Conductor, You’re Sure To Find A Dead Composer!

Love Can Change A Person The Way A Parent Can Change A Baby - Awkwardly, And Often With A Great Deal Of Mess.

...that's Not Why We Broke Up. I Love It, I Miss It, I Hate To Give It Back To You, This Complicated Thing, It's Why We Stayed Together

I Think There Are Probably Just As Many Adults Who Would Miss The Humor Of My Books, If Not More, As There Are Children.

There Was Still Plenty Of Water In The Basement, And I Felt It Soaking Me From The Knees On Down. If Someone Wanted To Torture Me Until I Told Them A Critical Piece Of Information, All They Would Have To Do Is Get My Socks Wet. It Feels Terrible.

I Do What I Do," I Said, "in Order To Do Something Else.

Desperation Is Like A Spilled Drink; Even If It's Delicious, No One Will Get Near It. Cultivate An Aura Of Glamorous Unapproachability.

Nobody Wants To Fall Into A Safety Net, Because It Means The Structure In Which They've Been Living Is In A State Of Collapse And They Have No Choice But To Tumble Downwards. However, It Beats The Alternative.

You Can't Believe Everything You Read.

People Who Say Money Doesn’t Matter Are Like People Who Say Cake Doesn’t Matter—it’s Probably Because They’ve Already Had A Few Slices.

There Are Some Who Say That Sitting At Home Reading Is The Equivalent Of Travel, Because The Experiences Described In The Book Are More Or Less The Same As The Experiences One Might Have On A Voyages, And There Are Those Who Say That There Is No Substitute For Venturing Out Into The World. My Own Opinion Is That It Is Best To Travel Extensively But To Read The Entire Time, Hardly Glancing Up To Look Out Of The Window Of The Airplane, Train, Or Hired Camel.

It's Funny, Particularly When You're A Writer And You're Doing Well, You Have That Sense Of Like, "oh! My View Of The World Is The One That's Going To Be Published."

Every New Promise Was Like Something Heavy I Had To Carry, With No Place To Put Anything Down.

Occasionally There Are Parents Who Say, "i Brought My Child So He Or She Could Learn What The Career Of A Writer Is Like, And You Did This Long Theatrical Performance Instead, And I'm Very Disappointed."

I Was In A Pharmacy And I Saw The Warnings On The Backs Of Poisonous Substances, And I Thought, "well, That's What I Can Do." So I Wrote A List Of Ingredients In The Book, And Warnings That They Shouldn't Consume Those Ingredients. The Editor And The Publisher Thought That It Was A Great Way To Go In Terms Of Reverse Psychology, But It Honestly Hadn't Occurred To Me That It Was Reverse Psychology. I Just Thought That It Was Sort Of An Honest Assessment Making Clear That If You Were Timid Or Easily Disturbed, You Could Turn Away.

I’m Not A Romantic, I’m A Half-wit. Only Stupid People Would Think I’m Smart. I’m Not Something Anyone Should Know. I’m A Lunatic Wandering Around For Scraps, I’m Like Every Single Miserable Moron I’ve Scorned And Pretended I Didn’t Recognize. I’m All Of Them, Every Last Ugly Thing In A Bad Last-minute Costume. I’m Not Different, Not At All, Not Different From Any Other Speck Of A Thing. I’m A Blemished Blemish, A Ruined Ruin, A Stained Wreck So Failed I Can’t See What I Used To Be.

Anyone Who Knew Violet Well Could Tell She Was Thinking Hard, Because Her Long Hair Was Tied Up In A Ribbon To Keep It Out Of Her Eyes. Violet Had A Real Knack For Inventing And Building Strange Devices, So Her Brain Was Often Filled With Images Of Pulleys, Levers, And Gears, And She Never Wanted To Be Distracted By Something As Trivial As Her Hair.

If You Like Books With Happy Endings Then Put This Book Down Immediately.

I Had Written Eight Drafts Of The Lemony Snicket' Screenplay When This Changing-of-the-guard Thing Happened, And I Said To The New Producers, "i Don't Think I Could Write Any More Drafts." I Guess I Was Sort Of Hoping They Would Say, "well That's Okay, This Last One Is Perfect." But Instead, They Said, "it's Funny You Should Say That. We Don't Think You Can Write Any More Drafts Either."

This World Is Suchier Than We Are, And The Best Thing To Do Is Keep Moving And Find Your Keys.

When You Say, "history Is Written By The Winners," You Like To Think About Someone Who Isn't You. You Want To Think, "oh, That's The Juggernaut I'm Standing Against." But You're Probably Part Of It.

Someone Feeling Wronged Is Like Someone Feeling Thirsty. Don’t Tell Them They Aren’t. Sit With Them And Have A Drink.

You'd Think That Sweet Would Be A Land Far, Far Away From Irritating, But As It Turns Out They're Right Next Door, And Always Having Border Disputes.

I Love Meeting People Who Have Absolutely No Sense Of Irony. It's Really Fascinating To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Go Through Life Without Understanding Even The Most Basic Of Ironies.

Santa Claus Has Nothing To Do With It," The Latke Said. "christmas And Hanukah Are Completely Different Things." "but Different Things Can Often Blend Together," Said The Pine Tree. "let Me Tell You A Funny Story About Pagan Rituals.

Having An Aura Of Menace Is Like Having A Pet Weasel, Because You Rarely Meet Someone Who Has One, And When You Do, It Makes You Want To Hide Under The Coffee Table.

It Is A Lonely Feeling When Someone You Care About Becomes A Stranger.

Every Time You Enter A Library You Might Say To Yourself, "the World Is Quiet Here," As A Sort Of Pledge Proclaiming Reading To Be The Greater Good.

Miracles Are Like Meatballs, Because Nobody Can Exactly Agree On What They Are Made Of, Where They Come From, Or How Often They Should Appear.

The Edith Head Trio, I Would Say, Would Be Even Less Of A Musical Career Than Playing The Accordion, Particularly Because I Played The Accordion In The Edith Head Trio. I'm Very Impressed By Your Googling. The Edith Head Trio And Another Band, Tzamboni, Were Two Bands I Was In After College That Played At Tiny Clubs To Little Acclaim. Our Gypsy Tango Version Of "when Doves Cry" Was Our Biggest Hit.but We Were Not Destined For Greatness.

In Times Of Extreme Stress, One Can Often Find Energy Hidden In Even The Most Exhausted Areas Of The Body.

This Is Love, And The Trouble With It: It Can Make You Embarrassed. Love Is Really Liking Someone A Whole Lot And Not Wanting To Screw That Up. Everybody's Chewed Over This. This Unites Us, This Part Of Love.

Who Would Dare Think That, Forever? Some Idiot Girl Who Wouldn’t Know How Things Played Out.

Literature Doesn’t Exactly Have A Strong Mental-health Track Record.

I Was Never A Fan Of Anything, And Yet Some People Are Fans Of My Books. That's A Bit Odd. But I Like Meeting Them.

When It Was First Optioned, I Was Told That The Chances Of The Basic Eight Becoming A Film Were Slim Because No One Was Making Teen Movies, And Then Later, I Was Told That The Chances Were Slim Because There Were So Many Teen Movies, And Then I Was Later Told That The Chances Were Slim Because Teen Films Were Over. I'm Not Sure When The Magic Window Of Opportunity Was, But Perhaps It's Still On The Horizon.

Either You Have The Feeling Or You Don't. Hawk Davies

One Of The World's Most Popular Entertainments Is A Deck Of Cards, Which Contains Thirteen Each Of Four Suits, Highlighted By Kings, Queens And Jacks, Who Are Possibly The Queen's Younger, More Attractive Boyfriends.

Popular Entertainment

We Are Respecting Our Parents' Wishes....they Didn't Want To Shelter Us From The World's Treacheries. They Wanted Us To Survive Them.

Mostly, It's Flattering To Meet Fans. As Long As It's In A Planned, Professional Meeting, Rather Than, Say, Someone Dropping By My Home, Which Is Not As Pleasant.

Twenty-six,” You Said. “one For Each Day We’ve Been Together, Min.”somebody Oohed. Somebody Shushed Them. “and I Hope That Someday I’ll Do Another Something Stupid And I’ll Have To Say It A Million Times Because That’s How Long It’ll Be, Together With You, Min. With You.

The Way Sadness Works Is One Of The Strange Riddles Of The World. If You Are Stricken With A Great Sadness, You May Feel As If You Have Been Set Aflame, Not Only Because Of The Enormous Pain, But Also Because Your Sadness May Spread Over Your Life, Like Smoke From An Enormous Fire.

But It's Far Too Late For Us; Ring, Hair, Letters, Photographs - All Traces Of Our Love Will Be Scattered Then, Like An Anagram.

We Weren't Friends[...]we Were More Like Jigsaw Pieces, Each Of Us Part Of The Same Big Picture. There Are People Like This Wherever You Go. They Are Part Of The Same Mystery As You Are, But You Can't Quite Tell How You Fit Together. The World Is A Puzzle, And We Can't Solve It Alone.

I Found Powerful The Idea That Everything We Have Is, In Effect, Stolen From Everybody Else.

Thinking About Something Is Like Picking Up A Stone When Taking A Walk, Either While Skipping Rocks On The Beach, For Example, Or Looking For A Way To Shatter The Glass Doors Of A Museum. When You Think About Something, It Adds A Bit Of Weight To Your Walk, And As You Think About More And More Things You Are Liable To Feel Heavier And Heavier, Until You Are So Burdened You Cannot Take Any Further Steps, And Can Only Sit And Stare At The Gentle Movements Of The Ocean Waves Or Security Guards, Thinking Too Hard Bout Too Many Things To Do Anything Else.

Of Course, It Is Boring To Read About Boring Thing, But It Is Better To Read Something That Makes You Yawn With Boredom Than Something That Will Make You Weep Uncontrollably, Pound Your Fists Against The Floor, And Leave Tearstains All Over Your Pillowcase, Sheets, And Boomerang Collection.

Stealing, Of Course, Is A Crime, And A Very Impolite Thing To Do. But Like Most Impolite Things, It Is Excusable Under Certain Circumstances. Stealing Is Not Excusable If, For Instance, You Are In A Museum And You Decide That A Certain Painting Would Look Better In Your House, And You Simply Grab The Painting And Take It There. But If You Were Very, Very Hungry, And You Had No Way Of Obtaining Money, It Would Be Excusable To Grab The Painting, Take It To Your House, And Eat It.

I First Told The Idea To An Editor I Had Met Who, After Reading One Of My Novels For Adults That Was Set In A High School, Had An Idea That I Might Write Something For Children.

No Matter Who You Are, No Matter Where You Live, And No Matter How Many People Are Chasing You, What You Don't Read Is Often As Important As What You Do Read.

Friends Can Make You Feel That The World Is Smaller And Less Sneaky Than It Really Is, Because You Know People Who Have Similar Experiences.

Beef. Yes. Roast Beef. It's The Swedish Term For Beef That Is Roasted.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

The Idea That The Curtain Rises On What Is Often More Or Less A Happy Scene, And It Will Fall Just A Few Hours Later, And Everyone Will Be Dead Or Have Gone Mad... I Find That Kind Of Narrative Very Appealing.

Besides Getting Several Paper Cuts In The Same Day Or Receiving The News That Someone In Your Family Has Betrayed You To Your Enemies, One Of The Most Unpleasant Experiences In Life Is A Job Interview.

It Is Almost As If Happiness Is An Acquired Taste, Like Coconut Cordial Or Ceviche, To Which You Can Eventually Become Accustomed, But Despair Is Something Surprising Each Time You Encounter It.

And What Might Seem To Be A Series Of Unfortunate Events May In Fact Be The First Steps Of A Journey.

I Will Love You If I Never See You Again, And I Will Love You If I See You Every Tuesday.

What Should We Call Him?" Klaus Asked. "you Should Call Him Dr. Montgomery," Mr. Poe Replied, "unless He Tells You To Call Him Montgomery. Both His First And Last Names Are Montgomery, So It Doesn't Make Much Difference." "his Name Is Montgomery Montgomery?" Klaus Said, Smiling. "yes, And I'm Sure He's Very Sensitive About That, So Don't Ridicule Him," Mr. Poe Said, Coughing Again Into His Handkerchief.

It Is Very Frustrating Not To Be Understood In This World. If You Say One Thing And Keep Being Told That You Mean Something Else, It Can Make You Want To Scream. But Somewhere In The World There Is A Place For All Of Us, Whether You Are An Electric Form Of Decoration, Peppermint-scented Sweet, A Source Of Timber, Or A Potato Pancake.

The Difference Between A House And A Home Is Like The Difference Between A Man And A Woman-- It Might Be Embarrassing To Explain, But It Would Be Very Unusual To Get Them Confused.

Death Is Something You Cannot Escape, Such As Death, Or A Cheesecake That Has Curdled, Both Of Which Always Turn Up Sooner Later.

Nobody Wants To Hear That You Will Try Your Best. It Is The Wrong Thing To Say. It Is Like Saying 'i Probably Won't Hit You With A Shovel.' Suddenly Everyone Is Afraid You Will Do The Opposite.

There Are Those Who Say That Life Is Like A Book, With Chapters For Each Event In Your Life And A Limited Number Of Pages On Which You Can Spend Your Time. But I Prefer To Think That A Book Is Like A Life, Particularly A Good One, Which Is Well To Worth Staying Up All Night To Finish.

When You Need A Haircut, It Looks Like You Have No One To Take Care Of You.

The Library Was One Enormous Room, With Long, High Metal Shelves And The Perfect Quiet That Libraries Provide For Anyone Looking For An Answer.

E!" Klaus Cried. "e As In Exit!" The Baudelaires Ran Down E As In Exit, But When They Reached The Last Cabinet, The Row Was Becoming F As In Falling File Cabinets, G As In Go The Other Way! And H As In How In The World Are We Going To Escape?

In The Time Since The Baudelaire Parents' Death, Most Of The Baudelaire Orphans' Friends Had Fallen By The Wayside, An Expression Wich Here Means "they Stopped Calling, Writing, And Stopping By To See Any Of The Baudelaires, Making Them Lonely". You And I, Of Course, Would Never Do This To Any Of Our Grieving Acquaintances, But It Is A Sad Truth That When Someone Has Lost A Loved One, Friends Sometimes Avoid The Person, Just When The Presence Of Friends Is Most Needed.

A Good Library Will Never Be Too Neat, Or Too Dusty, Because Somebody Will Always Be In It, Taking Books Off The Shelves And Staying Up Late Reading Them.

Thought Provoking

It Is Often Difficult To Admit That Someone You Love Is Not Perfect, Or To Consider Aspects Of A Person That Are Less Than Admirable.

Someone You Love

Someone Can Break Your Heart, Leave You Dead On The Lawn, And Still You Never Learn What To Say To Stop It All Over Again.

And Then Like A Song We'd Forgotten Was Even On The Mix, You Stepped Into The House And My Whole Life.

This Toast Feels Raw. Is It Safe To Eat Raw Toast?

The Key To Good Eavesdropping Is Not Getting Caught.

Everyone, At Some Point In Their Lives, Wakes Up In The Middle Of The Night With The Feeling That They Are All Alone In The World, And That Nobody Loves Them Now And That Nobody Will Ever Love Them, And That They Will Never Have A Decent Night's Sleep Again And Will Spend Their Lives Wandering Blearily Around A Loveless Landscape, Hoping Desperately That Their Circumstances Will Improve, But Suspecting, In Their Heart Of Hearts, That They Will Remain Unloved Forever. The Best Thing To Do In These Circumstances Is To Wake Somebody Else Up, So That They Can Feel This Way, Too.

The End Of 'the End' Is The Best Place To Begin 'the End', Because If You Read 'the End' From The Beginning Of The Beginning Of 'the End' To The End Of The End Of 'the End', You Will Arrive At The End.

If You Wish To Avoid An Unpleasant Story You Had Best Put This Book Down

It Is Always Terrible To Be Told To Go Play With People One Doesn't Know.

Let’s Go, Let’s Go Together Toward Something Extraordinary And I Started Making Plans, Thinking We Would Get That Far.

Can't We Sleep Ten Minutes More? I Was Having A Lovely Dream About Sneezing Without Covering My Mouth, And Giving Everybody Germs.

Sometimes When Someone Tells A Ridiculous Lie, It Is Best To Ignore It Entirely.

When Somebody Is A Little Bit Wrong - Say, When A Waited Puts Nonfat Milk In Your Espresso Macchiato, Instead Of Lowfat Milk - It Is Often Quite Easy To Explain To Them How And Why They Are Wrong. But If Somebody Is Surprisingly Wrong - Say, When A Waiter Bites Your Nose Instead Of Taking Your Order - You Can Often Be So Surprised That You Are Unable To Say Anything At All. Paralyzed By How Wrong The Waiter Is, Your Moth Would Hang Slightly Open And Your Eyes Would Blink Over And Over, But You Would Be Unable To Say A Word.

How Do You Forget Something? You Just Walk Away From It, Those Who Are Still Alive. There Are So Few Clearings In Our Hearts And Minds, So Few Places Where Something Can't Grow On Top Of Whatever Happened To Us Before, And This Is Love Too.

I Stayed There Loving You, Though The Love Made Me, Not Sad But I Guess Melancholy, For A Reason I Couldn’t Point To.

I’m Reminded Of A Book My Father Used To Read Me,” She Said. “a Bunch Of Elves And Things Get Into A Huge War Over A Piece Of Jewelry That Everybody Wants But Nobody Can Wear.

The Right Boys I Always Toss And The Wrong Ones I Keep On Top Of Me Like Paperweights.

I Will Love You As Misfortune Loves Orphans, As Fire Loves Innocence, And As Justice Loves To Sit And Watch While Everything Goes Wrong.

Xenial' Is A Word Which Refers To The Giving Of Gifts To Strangers. . . . I Know That Having A Good Vocabulary Doesn't Guarantee That I'm A Good Person. . . . But It Does Mean I've Read A Great Deal. And In My Experience, Well-read People Are Less Likely To Be Evil.

Guarantees That

This Feeling Is Not Unlike The Sinking In One's Stomach When One Is In An Elevator That Suddenly Goes Down, Or When You Are Snug In Your Bed And Your Closet Door Suddenly Creaks Open To Reveal The Person Who Has Been Hiding There.

Deciding Whether Or Not To Trust A Person Is Like Deciding Whether Or Not To Climb A Tree, Because You Might Get A Wonderful View From The Highest Branch, Or You Might Simply Get Covered In Sap, And For This Reason Many People Choose To Spend Their Time Alone And Indoors, Where It Is Harder To Get A Splinter.

One Of The World's Most Tiresome Questions Is What Object One Would Bring To A Desert Island,because People Always Answer "a Deck Of Cards" Or "anna Karenina" When The Obvious Answer Is "a Well Equipped Boat And A Crew To Sail Me Off The Island And Back Home Where I Can Play All The Card Games And Read All The Russian Novels I Want.

There Are So Many Movies Like This, Where You Thought You Were Smarter Than The Screen But The Director Was Smarter Than You, Of Course He's The One, Of Course It Was A Dream, Of Course She's Dead, Of Course, It's Hidden Right There, Of Course It's The Truth And You In Your Seat Have Failed To Notice In The Dark.

I Guess We’ll Be Traveling In Uncharted Waters.” “that’ll Be Fun,” Phil Said.

Uncharted Waters

Do The Scary Thing First, And Get Scared Later.

The Children Of This World And The Adults Of This World Are In Entirely Separate Boats And Only Drift Near Each Other When We Need A Ride From Someone Or When Someone Needs Us To Wash Our Hands.

I Waited Just To See You At That Kind Of Peace, I Wanted To Be Beside You, I Wanted You To Wake Up Slowly Or Startle, Or Just Half Awaken And Turn Over Or Murmur My Name. I Wanted To Watch You Forever, Or Sleep Beside You Forever, Or Sleep Forever While You Woke And Watched Me, Something Forever Anyway. I Wanted To Kiss You, Rumple Your Hair, Rest Three Fingertips On Your Hip Bone Warm And Smooth, Wake You That Way Or Hush You Back To Sleep.

Everything. A Letter May Be Coded, And A Word May Be Coded. A Theatrical Performance May Be Coded, And A Sonnet May Be Coded, And There Are Times When It Seems The Entire World Is In Code. Some Believe That The World Can Be Decoded By Performing Research In A Library. Others Believe That The World Can Be Decoded By Reading A Newspaper. In My Case, The Only Thing That Made Sense Of The World Was You, And Without You The World Will Seem As Garbled And Tragic As A Malfunctioning Typewrit9.

For Beatrice, When We Met, My Life Began. Soon Afterwards, Yours Ended.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

How Do You Do?" Said Violet. "how Do You Do?" Said Klaus. "odo Yow!" Said Sunny.

Strange As It May Seem, I Still Hope For The Best, Even Though The Best, Like An Interesting Piece Of Mail, So Rarely Arrives, And Even When It Does It Can Be Lost So Easily.

Everyone Should Be Able To Do One Card Trick, Tell Two Jokes, And Recite Three Poems, In Case They Are Ever Trapped In An Elevator.

If You Enjoy Books With Happy Endings Than You Are Better Off Reading Some Other Book.

It Was Darker Than A Pitch-black Panther, Covered In Tar, Eating Black Licorice At The Very Bottom Of The Deepest Part Of The Black Sea.

Members Of Your Family Might Say They Are Working Hard All Day Long, While You Are Off At School Or Clarinet Lessons, But The Only Way To Know This For Sure Is To Follow Them At A Discreet Distance.

Morning Is An Important Time Of Day, Because How You Spend Your Morning Can Often Tell You What Kind Of Day You Are Going To Have.

You Must Be All A-tingle With Excitement.' 'i Guess So,' I Said, But I Did Not Feel A-tingle. I Did Not Feel A-anything.

Miracles Are Like Pimples, Because Once You Start Looking For Them You Find More Than You Ever Dreamed You'd See.

When Trouble Strikes, Head To The Library. You Will Either Be Able To Solve The Problem, Or Simply Have Something To Read As The World Crashes Down Around You.

It Is Useless For Me To Describe To You How Terrible Violet, Klaus, And Even Sunny Felt In The Time That Followed. If You Have Ever Lost Someone Very Important To You, Then You Already Know How It Feels, And If You Haven't, You Cannot Possibly Imagine It.

For Beatrice, Summer Without You Is As Cold As Winter. Winter Without You, Is Even Colder.

You Know I Want To Be A Director, But You Could Never Truly See The Movies In My Head And That, Ed, Is Why We Broke Up.

Every Last Souvenir Of The Love We Had, The Prizes & The Debris Of This Relationship, Like The Glitter In The Gutter When The Parade Has Passed, All The Everything & Whatnot Kicked To The Curb.

My Chauffer Once Told Me That I Would Feel Better In The Morning, But When I Woke Up The Two Of Us Were Still On A Tiny Island Surrounded By Man-eating Crocodiles, And, As I'm Sure You Can Understand, I Didn't Feel Any Better About It.

Just About Everything In This World Is Easier Said Than Done, With The Exception Of 'systematically Assisting Sisyphus's Stealthy, Syst-susceptible Sister,' Which Is Easier Done Than Said.

Take It Back, Ed. Take It All Back.

Anyone Who Thinks The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword Has Not Been Stabbed With Both.

Chestnuts In Stuffing Tastes Like Someone Chewed Up A Tree Branch And Then French-kissed It Into Your Mouth.

I Like To Think That I Get Better And Better As A Writer, But It Seems Pretty Easy To Me To Slip On Disguises Of Various People.

I Didn't Realize This Was A Sad Occasion.

Series Of Unfortunate Events

Make Sure You Have Your Own Mask On, Before Helping Others With Theirs.

To Beatrice- My Love Flew Like A Butterfly Until Death Swooped Down Like A Bat As The Poet Emma Montana Mcelroy Said: 'that's The End Of That.

The Only Thing He Cares About.

They Say That When You’re Really In Love, The World Becomes Gossamer And Gorgeous, But In My Experience The World Gets Grimy, And The Love Object Is In Stark Relief From The Surroundings. This Is Love, A Pretty Thing On An Ugly Street.

Everybody Has A Theory.

If He’s Not Gay And He Hung Out With You The Whole Time, He Wanted To Be. It’s Boyfriend Or Want To Be Boyfriend Or I Guess Gay. Those Are The Choices.

It Is Very Easy To Say That The Important Thing Is To Try Your Best, But If You Are In Real Trouble The Most Important Thing Is Not Trying Your Best, But Getting To Safety.

There Are Secrets Everywhere. I Think Everyone's Parents Have Secrets. You Just Have To Know Where To Look For Them.

Undeveloped, The Whole Thing,tossed Into A Box Before We Really Had A Chance To Know What We Had, And That's Why We Broke Up.

One's Home Is Like A Delicious Piece Of Pie You Order In A Restaurant On A Country Road One Cozy Evening - The Best Piece Of Pie You Have Ever Eaten In Your Life - And Can Never Find Again. After You Leave Home, You May Find Yourself Feeling Homesick, Even If You Have A New Home That Has Nicer Wallpaper And A More Efficient Dishwasher Than The Home In Which You Grew Up.

I Always Think It's Silly When People Talk About Works Of Culture Taking Risks. Because There's Not Any Risk Involved.

A Successful Villain Should Have All These Things At His Or Her Villainous Fingertips, Or Else Give Up Villainy Altogether And Try To Lead A Life Of Decency, Integrity, And Kindness, Which Is Much More Challenging And Noble, If Not Always Quite As Exciting.

There Are Two Good Reasons To Put Your Napkin In Your Lap. One Is That Food Might Spill In Your Lap, And It Is Better To Stain The Napkin Than Your Clothing. The Other Is That It Can Serve As A Perfect Hiding Place. Practically Nobody Is Nosey Enough To Take The Napkin Off A Lap To See What Is Hidden There.

Waiting Is One Of Life's Hardships. It Is Hard Enough To Wait For Chocolate Cream Pie While Burnt Roast Beef Is Still On Your Plate. It Is Plenty Difficult To Wait For Halloween When The Tedious Month Of September Is Still Ahead Of You. But To Wait For One's Adopted Uncle To Come Home While A Greedy And Violent Man Is Upstairs Was One Of The Worst Waits The Baudelaires Had Ever Experienced.

It Doesn't Take Courage To Kill Someone,' Klaus Said. 'it Takes A Severe Lack Of Moral Stamina.

I Don’t Smoke, Although It Looks Fantastic In Films. But I Light Matches On Those Thinking Blank Nights When I Crawl My Route Out Onto The Roof Of The Garage And The Sky While My Parents Sleep Innocent And The Lonely Cars Move Sparse On The Faraway Streets, When The Pillow Won’t Stay Cool And The Blankets Bother My Body No Matter How I Move Or Lie Still. I Just Sit With My Legs Dangling And Light Matches And Watch Them Flicker Away.

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