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Bad Circumstances Have A Way Of Ruining Things That Would Otherwise Be Pleasant.

-Daniel Handler

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Bad Circumstances Have A

Daniel Handler

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Bad Circumstances Have A Way Of Ruining Things That Would Otherwise Be Pleasant.

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I Decided That It Might Be Interesting To Have Terrible Things Happen To Orphans Over And Over Again.

I Wrote Rick Before I Was Published, And I Had No Vision Of It, Really. It Was Just A Story That Occurred To Me, And That Put Its Little Claws In My Brain, And I Wrote It, And I Showed It To A Couple People, And They All Said, "this Is Ghastly."

Everything. A Letter May Be Coded, And A Word May Be Coded. A Theatrical Performance May Be Coded, And A Sonnet May Be Coded, And There Are Times When It Seems The Entire World Is In Code. Some Believe That The World Can Be Decoded By Performing Research In A Library. Others Believe That The World Can Be Decoded By Reading A Newspaper. In My Case, The Only Thing That Made Sense Of The World Was You, And Without You The World Will Seem As Garbled And Tragic As A Malfunctioning Typewrit9.

Reading Is One Form Of Escape. Running For Your Life Is Another.

If Only Uncle Monty Knew What We Know," Violet Said, "and Stephano Knew That He Knew What We Know. But Uncle Monty Doesn't Know What We Know, And Stephano Knows That He Doesn't Know What We Know." "i Know," Klause Said. "i Know You Know," Violet Said

How Did You Do That?” Mr. Poe Asked. “nice Girls Shouldn’t Know How To Do Such Things.” “my Sister Is A Nice Girl,” Klaus Said, “and She Knows How To Do All Sorts Of Things.

Frustration Is An Interesting Emotional State, Because It Tends To Bring Out The Worst In Whoever Is Frustrated.

I Think We'll Always Miss Our Parents. But I Think We Can Miss Them Without Being Miserable All The Time. After All, They Wouldn't Want Us To Be Miserable.

Deciding Whether Or Not To Trust A Person Is Like Deciding Whether Or Not To Climb A Tree, Because You Might Get A Wonderful View From The Highest Branch, Or You Might Simply Get Covered In Sap, And For This Reason Many People Choose To Spend Their Time Alone And Indoors, Where It Is Harder To Get A Splinter.

I Was In A Pharmacy And I Saw The Warnings On The Backs Of Poisonous Substances, And I Thought, "well, That's What I Can Do." So I Wrote A List Of Ingredients In The Book, And Warnings That They Shouldn't Consume Those Ingredients. The Editor And The Publisher Thought That It Was A Great Way To Go In Terms Of Reverse Psychology, But It Honestly Hadn't Occurred To Me That It Was Reverse Psychology. I Just Thought That It Was Sort Of An Honest Assessment Making Clear That If You Were Timid Or Easily Disturbed, You Could Turn Away.

Everybody Has A Theory.

Can't We Sleep Ten Minutes More? I Was Having A Lovely Dream About Sneezing Without Covering My Mouth, And Giving Everybody Germs.

Nowhere In The World Is Safe," Count Olaf Said. Not With You Around," Violet Agreed. I'm No Worse Than Anyone Else," Count Olaf Said.

Neither Were You [born Yesterday], Unless Of Course I Am Wrong, In Which Case Welcome To The World, Little Baby, And Congratulations On Learning To Read So Early In Life.

Congratulations

I Can See It, Ed, I Leaned Deeper Into You, Felt You Nodding Along With The Sounds In The Room, And Your Warmth Signaled Through To Me From Under Your Shirt, Lovely Strong, Safe And Right.

When You Start Reading Nonfiction Books About Piracy, You Realize That It's Actually Just A History Of Desperate People.

Maybe, Generations Ago, Young People Rebelled Out Of Some Clear Motive, But Now, We Know We're Rebelling. Between Teen Movies And Sex-ed Textbooks We're So Ready For Our Rebellious Phase We Can't Help But Feel It's Safe, Contained. It Will Turn Out All Right, Despite The Risk, Snug In The Shell Of Rebellion Narrative. Rebellion Narrative, Does That Make Sense? It Was Appropriate To Do, So We Did It.

But One Type Of Book That Practically No One Likes To Read Is A Book About The Law. Books About The Law Are Notorious For Being Very Long, Very Dull, And Very Difficult To Read. This Is One Reason Many Lawyers Make Heaps Of Money. The Money Is An Incentive - The Word "incentive" Here Means "an Offered Reward To Persuade You To Do Something You Don't Want To Do - To Read Long, Dull, And Difficult Books.

There Are So Many Movies Like This, Where You Thought You Were Smarter Than The Screen But The Director Was Smarter Than You, Of Course He's The One, Of Course It Was A Dream, Of Course She's Dead, Of Course, It's Hidden Right There, Of Course It's The Truth And You In Your Seat Have Failed To Notice In The Dark.

Everyone Tells You It's All Right To Cry, But Not Enough People Say It's All Right If You Don't Want People To Know.

There Are Two Kinds Of Fears: Rational And Irrational- Or In Simpler Terms, Fears That Make Sense And Fears That Don't.

'help Me,' Allison Says, But She Is Soft-spoken, And Everyone She Loves Is So Far Away.

Literature Doesn’t Exactly Have A Strong Mental-health Track Record.

Twenty-six,” You Said. “one For Each Day We’ve Been Together, Min.”somebody Oohed. Somebody Shushed Them. “and I Hope That Someday I’ll Do Another Something Stupid And I’ll Have To Say It A Million Times Because That’s How Long It’ll Be, Together With You, Min. With You.

The Table Of Elements Does Not Contain One Of The Most Powerful Elements That Make Up Our World, And That Is The Element Of Surprise.

Stop Saying No Offense,” I Said, “when You Say Offensive Things. It’s Not A Free Pass.

The Sea Is Nothing But A Library Of All The Tears In History.

It Is Not The Diamonds Or The Birds, The People Or The Potatoes, It Is Not Any Of The Nouns. The Miracle Is The Adverbs, The Way Things Are Done. It Is The Way Love Gets Done Despite Every Catastrophe.

There Is Nothing Particularly Wrong With Salmon, Of Course, But Like Caramel Candy, Strawberry Yogurt, Or Liquid Carpet Cleaner, If You Eat Too Much Of It You Are Not Going To Enjoy Your Meal.

There Are Times To Stay Put, And What You Want Will Come To You, And There Are Times To Go Out Into The World And Find Such A Thing For Yourself.

The Trick To Following Someone Without Getting Caught Is To Follow Somebody Who Doesn't Think They're Being Followed.

I Often Can't Remember Which Scenes Are And Aren't In The Final Product, Because I Saw So Many Different Versions Of The Lemony Snicket That I Forget Which Ended Up On The Cutting-room Floor.

I’d Ruin Any Day, All My Days, For Those Long Nights With You, And I Did.

I Opened My Mouth And Kissed You Then, The First Time All Night, Attacked You And Surrendered Completely, And Let’s Get Out Of Here. I’m Ready, I’m Finished, Let’s Not Break Up, No, No. Take Me Home, My Boyfriend, My Love.

You Would Run Much Slower If You Were Dragging Something Behind You, Like A Knapsack Or A Sheriff.

I Gasped And Pointed The Way. I Gave You An Adventure, Ed, Right In Front Of You But You Never Saw It Until I Showed You, And That's Why We Broke Up.

But The Law Is An Odd Thing. For Instance, One Country In Europe Has A Law That Requires All Its Bakers To Sell Bread At The Exact Same Price. A Certain Island Has A Law That Forbids Anyone From Removing Its Fruit. And A Town Not Too Far From Where You Live Has A Law That Bars Me From Coming Within Five Miles Of Its Borders.

If He’s Not Gay And He Hung Out With You The Whole Time, He Wanted To Be. It’s Boyfriend Or Want To Be Boyfriend Or I Guess Gay. Those Are The Choices.

There Are Many Difficult Things In This World To Hide, But A Secret Is Not One Of Them.

People Worry More About Girls, For A Good Reason: I Don't Think My Parents Thought I Was Going To Be Raped By A Classmate Or Attacked When I Was Walking Alone In Some Neighborhood. So It's Not Just Paranoid Parents.

Figuratively, They Escaped From Cout Olaf And Their Miserable Existence. They Did Not Literally Escape, Because They Were Still In His House And Vulnerable To Olaf's Evil In Loco Parentis Ways.

...everyone Was Right About You- Prove Them Wrong.

Prove Them Wrong

There Are Few Sights Sadder Than A Ruined Book.

The Thing You Hope Will Never Happen To You Might Just Happen To Someone Else Instead, Who Has Been Spending Their Life Dreading The Thing That Will Happen To You.

The Right Hand Doesn’t Know What The Left Is Doing” Is A Phrase That Refers To Times When People Ought To Know, But Don’t Know, About Something That Is Happening Very Close To Them. For Instance, You Ought To Know About The Man Who Watches You When You Sleep.

It Is Very Easy To Say That The Important Thing Is To Try Your Best, But If You Are In Real Trouble The Most Important Thing Is Not Trying Your Best, But Getting To Safety.

It Is One Of The Peculiar Truths Of Life That People Often Say Things That They Know Full Well Are Ridiculous.

It Is Useless For Me To Describe To You How Terrible Violet, Klaus, And Even Sunny Felt In The Time That Followed. If You Have Ever Lost Someone Very Important To You, Then You Already Know How It Feels, And If You Haven't, You Cannot Possibly Imagine It.

The File Clanked Against Me, My Stupid Idea Nobody Would Have Gotten Had I Ever Done It. You Even Wouldn't Have Gotten It, Ed, I Thought, Watching Her Go. It's Why We Broke Up, So Here It Is. Ed, How Could You?

It Is Likely I Will Die Next To A Pile Of Things I Was Meaning To Read.

Like A Church Bell, A Coffin, And A Vat Of Melted Chocolate, A Supply Closet Is Rarely A Comfortable Place To Hide.

It Is Easy To Decide On What Is Wrong To Wear To A Party, Such As Deep-sea Diving Equipment Or A Pair Of Large Pillows, But Deciding What Is Right Is Much Trickier.

Just Because Something Is Traditional Is No Reason To Do It, Of Course. Piracy, For Example, Is A Tradition That Has Been Carried On For Hundreds Of Years, But That Doesn't Mean We Should All Attack Ships And Steal Their Gold.

The Whole Thing Of What I’ve Been Trying,” You Said, “is That You’re Different, And You Keep Asking About The Other Girls, But What I Mean Is That I Don’t Think About Them, Because Of The Way You Are.

I Don't Think Film Is The Writer's Medium, And So I Was Interested To See What A Director Would Do With It.

It Is Very Useful, When One Is Young, To Learn The Difference Between "literally" And "figuratively." If Something Happens Literally, It Actually Happens; If Something Happens Figuratively, It Feels Like It Is Happening. If You Are Literally Jumping For Joy, For Instance, It Means You Are Leaping In The Air Because You Are Very Happy. If You Are Figuratively Jumping For Joy, It Means You Are So Happy That You Could Jump For Joy, But Are Saving Your Energy For Other Matters.

The Idea That The Curtain Rises On What Is Often More Or Less A Happy Scene, And It Will Fall Just A Few Hours Later, And Everyone Will Be Dead Or Have Gone Mad... I Find That Kind Of Narrative Very Appealing.

Make Sure You Have Your Own Mask On, Before Helping Others With Theirs.

But It's Far Too Late For Us; Ring, Hair, Letters, Photographs - All Traces Of Our Love Will Be Scattered Then, Like An Anagram.

But There Are Times In This Harum-scarum World When Figuring Out The Right Thing To Do Is Quite Simple, But Doing The Right Thing Is Simply Impossible.

Most Schools Have A Loud System Of Loud Bells, Which Startle The Students And Teachers At Regular Intervals And Remind Them That Time Is Passing Even More Slowly Than It Seems.

Someone Feeling Wronged Is Like Someone Feeling Thirsty. Don’t Tell Them They Aren’t. Sit With Them And Have A Drink.

Hal Is On His Way." The Nurse Announced Reentering The Room.

For Beatrice, Summer Without You Is As Cold As Winter. Winter Without You, Is Even Colder.

Is It Useful To Feel Fear, Because It Prepares You For Nasty Events, Or Is It Useless, Because Nasty Events Will Occur Whether You Are Frightened Or Not?

Undeveloped, The Whole Thing,tossed Into A Box Before We Really Had A Chance To Know What We Had, And That's Why We Broke Up.

But There Was More, As There Always Is When The Love Goes. She Was Haunted, Naturally. Otherwise What Is The Point, Why Leave Your Rickety House, And Why This Yo-yo World Giving Us Things And Yanking Them Back?

If You Like Books With Happy Endings Then Put This Book Down Immediately.

You Must Be All A-tingle With Excitement.' 'i Guess So,' I Said, But I Did Not Feel A-tingle. I Did Not Feel A-anything.

Dumping You Times Infinity. Still Not Enough.

Those Unable To Catalog The Past Are Doomed To Repeat It.

Troublesome Things Tend To Remain Troublesome No Matter How Many Times You Do Them.

There Is No Easy Way To Train An Apprentice. My Two Tools Are Example And Nagging.

I'm Not A Believer In Predetermined Fates, Being Rewarded For One's Efforts. I'm Not A Believer In Karma. The Reason Why I Try To Be A Good Person Is Because I Think It's The Right Thing To Do. If I Commit Fewer Bad Acts There Will Be Fewer Bad Acts, Maybe Other People Will Join In Committing Fewer Bad Acts, And In Time There Will Be Fewer And Fewer Of Them.

Anyone Who Thinks The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword Has Not Been Stabbed With Both.

It Has Been Said That The Hardest Job In The World Is Raising A Child, But The People Who Says This Have Probably Never Worked At A Comb Factory Or Captured Pirates On The High Seas.

Are You Who I Think You Are?

Historically, A Story About People Inside Impressive Buildings Ignoring Or Even Taunting People Standing Outside Shouting At Them Turns Out To Be A Story With An Unhappy Ending.

Santa Claus Has Nothing To Do With It," The Latke Said. "christmas And Hanukah Are Completely Different Things." "but Different Things Can Often Blend Together," Said The Pine Tree. "let Me Tell You A Funny Story About Pagan Rituals.

People Aren't Either Wicked Or Noble. They're Like Chef's Salads, With Good Things And Bad Things Chopped And Mixed Together In A Vinaigrette Of Confusion And Conflict.

But We Can Also Ask For Something We Are Much More Likely To Get, And That Is To Find A Person Or Two, Somewhere In Our Travels, Who Will Tell Us That We Are Noble Enough, Whether It Is True Or Not. We Can Ask For Someone Who Will Say, “you Are Noble Enough,” And Remind Us Of Our Good Qualities When We Have Forgotten Them, Or Cast Them Into Doubt.

I Was Stupid, The Official Descriptive Phrase For Happy.

Chestnuts In Stuffing Tastes Like Someone Chewed Up A Tree Branch And Then French-kissed It Into Your Mouth.

I Love Meeting People Who Have Absolutely No Sense Of Irony. It's Really Fascinating To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Go Through Life Without Understanding Even The Most Basic Of Ironies.

In America Now There Is This Phenomenon Called Helicopter Parenting, Where You're Hovering Over Your Child For The Whole Time. Parents There View Their Job As Being To Make Sure Their Kid Never Has A Moment Of Unhappiness. Of Course, As A Parent Myself, I Can Understand The Urge, But I Don't Know Whether It Would Be Healthy Or Possible.

In This Book, Not Only Is There No Happy Ending, There Is No Happy Beginning And Very Few Happy Things In The Middle.

If You Wish To Avoid An Unpleasant Story You Had Best Put This Book Down

Get Out Of My Way, You Cakesniffers!” Said A Rude, Violent, And Filthy Little Girl, Shoving The Baudelaire Orphans Aside As She Dashed By.

The Key To Good Eavesdropping Is Not Getting Caught.

I Am Heartbroken, But I Have Been Heartbroken Before, And This Might Be The Best For Which I Can Hope.

Everything Else Has Vanished, So You Take Them Now. Maybe If You're The One Keeping Them, I'll Be The One Feeling Better.

Sometimes When Someone Tells A Ridiculous Lie, It Is Best To Ignore It Entirely.

It Is Always Sad When Someone Leaves Home, Unless They Are Simply Going Around The Corner And Will Return In A Few Minutes With Ice-cream Sandwiches.

We Are All Told To Ignore Bullies. It's Something They Teach You, And They Can Teach You Anything. It Doesn't Mean You Learn It. It Doesn't Mean You Believe It. One Should Never Ignore Bullies. One Should Stop Them.

You’re Just Jealous Of Me Because I’m A Tap-dancing Ballerina Fairy Princess Veterinarian!

It Turns Out She Is Canadian, My Editor, And So She Drinks Like A Fish. So She Wasn't A Lightweight At All. And In The Morning, She Said That The Idea Still Seemed Like A Good One, And Here We Are.

Don’t Repeat Yourself. It’s Not Only Repetitive, It’s Redundant, And People Have Heard It Before.

Opera Was An Enormous Part Of My Childhood. My Parents Were Both Opera Buffs, And They Met In The Box Seat Of An Opera Performance. And I Also Was A Boy Soprano, So Before Puberty Hit, I Was Onstage Playing A Wide Variety Of Orphans And Urchins In All Sorts Of Operas, And The Sheer Melodrama Of Their Stories Was Just Always Appealing To Me.

Lemony Snicket. Now, I'm Told - The Books, Of Course, Starting From The Very First One, Became Hugely Popular, Selling Millions And Millions. And I Understand That When You Used To Go Around To Talk To Your Very Young Fans, You Would Appear As Lemony Snicket's Representative Or Agent.

There Are Those Who Say That Life Is Like A Book, With Chapters For Each Event In Your Life And A Limited Number Of Pages On Which You Can Spend Your Time. But I Prefer To Think That A Book Is Like A Life, Particularly A Good One, Which Is Well To Worth Staying Up All Night To Finish.

I Kind Of Always Think My Work Is Unfilmable, And When I Meet People Who Are Interested In Filming It, I'm Always Stunned.

It Is Always Cruel To Laugh At People, Of Course, Although Sometimes If They Are Wearing An Ugly Hat It Is Hard To Control Yourself.

Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What Is The Best Way To Keep A Secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell It To Everyone You Know, But Pretend You Are Kidding.

In General, Of Course, A Stranger Who Tries To Get You Into An Automobile Is Anything But Noble, And In General A Person Who Quotes Great American Novelists Is Anything But Treacherous, And In General A Man Who Says You Needn't Worry About Money, Or A Man Who Smokes Cigarettes, Is Somewhere In Between.

All Cannot Be Lost When There Is Still So Much Being Found

I Think There Are Probably Just As Many Adults Who Would Miss The Humor Of My Books, If Not More, As There Are Children.

Unless You Have Been Very, Very Lucky, You Have Undoubtedly Experienced Events In Your Life That Have Made You Cry. So Unless You Have Been Very, Very Lucky, You Know That A Good, Long Session Of Weeping Can Often Make You Feel Better, Even If Your Circumstances Have Not Changed One Bit.

Miracles Can Happen, Even To Those Who Are Small, Flammable, And Dressed All In Black.

Miracles Can Happen

I Don’t Smoke, Although It Looks Fantastic In Films. But I Light Matches On Those Thinking Blank Nights When I Crawl My Route Out Onto The Roof Of The Garage And The Sky While My Parents Sleep Innocent And The Lonely Cars Move Sparse On The Faraway Streets, When The Pillow Won’t Stay Cool And The Blankets Bother My Body No Matter How I Move Or Lie Still. I Just Sit With My Legs Dangling And Light Matches And Watch Them Flicker Away.

You Should Never Stick Something That You Are Allergic To Into Your Mouth, Especially If That Thing Is Cats.

That Night It Felt That Somehow By Flicking Them Off The Roof, The Matches Would Burn Down Everything, The Sparks From The Tips Of The Flames, Torching The World And All The Heartbroken People In It.

It Looked Like Something The Hemlock Needed, Or A Piece Of Equipment A Plumber Had Left Behind. It Looked Like None Of Your Business.

Love Is Candy From A Stranger, But It's Candy You've Had Before And It Probably Won't Kill You.

This Feeling Is Not Unlike The Sinking In One's Stomach When One Is In An Elevator That Suddenly Goes Down, Or When You Are Snug In Your Bed And Your Closet Door Suddenly Creaks Open To Reveal The Person Who Has Been Hiding There.

Siblings That Say They Never Fight Are Most Definitely Hiding Something

Hiding Something

Labor Day Is A Holiday Honoring Those Who Work For A Living. Laborious Day Is A Lesser Known Holiday Honoring Those Who Cannot Stop Talking About Their Work.

I Know What Is Going On," Said Sir. "i Am The Boss! Of Course I Know!

I Was Never A Fan Of Anything, And Yet Some People Are Fans Of My Books. That's A Bit Odd. But I Like Meeting Them.

But Just Suddenly I Really, Really Needed To See You Again Right That Minute, That Night.

A Mystery Is Solved With A Story.

I Am Certain That Over The Course Of Your Own Life, You Have Noticed That People's Rooms Reflect Their Personalities. In My Room, For Instance, I Have Gathered A Collection Of Objects That Are Important To Me, Including A Dusty Accordion On Which I Can Play A Few Sad Songs, A Large Bundle Of Notes On The Activities Of The Baudelaire Orphans, And A Blurry Photograph, Taken A Very Long Time Ago, Of A Woman Whose Name Is Beatrice. These Are Items That Are Very Precious And Dear To Me.

Mostly, It's Flattering To Meet Fans. As Long As It's In A Planned, Professional Meeting, Rather Than, Say, Someone Dropping By My Home, Which Is Not As Pleasant.

There Are Some Secrets You Want To Keep To Yourself, Even If They Don't Matter. They Might Only Matter If You Keep Them Secret.

And When Love Is Over When The Diner Of Love Seems Closed From The Outside You Want All Those Hours Back Along With Anything You Left At The Lover’s House And Maybe A Couple Of Things Which Aren’t Technically Yours On The Grounds That You Wasted A Portion Of Your Life And Those Hours Have All Gone Southside.

Every Time You Enter A Library You Might Say To Yourself, "the World Is Quiet Here," As A Sort Of Pledge Proclaiming Reading To Be The Greater Good.

A Girl Meets A Boy, Ed, And Everything Changes, Or So She Says.

Do The Scary Thing First, And Get Scared Later.

When You Need A Haircut, It Looks Like You Have No One To Take Care Of You.

In Most Cases, The Best Strategy For A Job Interview Is To Be Fairly Honest, Because The Worst Thing That Can Happen Is That You Won't Get The Job And Will Spend The Rest Of Your Life Foraging For Food In The Wilderness And Seeking Shelter Underneath A Tree Or The Awning Of A Bowling Alley That Has Gone Out Of Business.

Of Course, It Is Boring To Read About Boring Thing, But It Is Better To Read Something That Makes You Yawn With Boredom Than Something That Will Make You Weep Uncontrollably, Pound Your Fists Against The Floor, And Leave Tearstains All Over Your Pillowcase, Sheets, And Boomerang Collection.

What Happens In A Certain Place Can Stain Your Feelings For That Location, Just As Ink Can Stain A White Sheet.

A Long Time Ago, There Was No Such Thing As School, And Children Spent Their Days Learning A Trade, A Phrase Which Here Means "standing Around Doing Tedious Tasks Under The Instruction Of A Bossy Adult." In Time, However, People Realized That The Children Could Be Allowed To Sit, And The First School Was Invented.

They Looked At Each Other Like A Pair Of Parentheses.

This Is Love If It's Not With You, A Terrible Fiery Something That Makes People Look Away, And It Feels Like A Punch In The Throat.

The Movie Was Kickass, Which Was Appropriate, Because Tonight It Was Called Kickass: The Movie.

There Are Two Good Reasons To Put Your Napkin In Your Lap. One Is That Food Might Spill In Your Lap, And It Is Better To Stain The Napkin Than Your Clothing. The Other Is That It Can Serve As A Perfect Hiding Place. Practically Nobody Is Nosey Enough To Take The Napkin Off A Lap To See What Is Hidden There.

The Moral Of Snow White Is Never Eat Apples.

One Has To Adopt A Sort Of Zen Calm, In Which You Know You Wrote The Best Book That You Could At The Time.

It Is My Fate That Some Of My Questions Will Never Be Answered.

Today Was A Very Cold And Bitter Day, As Cold And Bitter As A Cup Of Hot Chocolate, If The Cup Of Hot Chocolate Had Vinegar Added To It And Were Placed In A Refrigerator For Several Hours.

Back In The Late '90s, A Writer Named Daniel Handler Decided That Kids Books Were Too Cheerful. I Mean, All The "harry Potter" Series Did Was Occasionally Kill Off Major Characters. Thus Was Born "a Series Of Unfortunate Events" And Its Mysterious Author, Lemony Snicket. "a Series Of Unfortunate Events" Is Now A Great New Series On Netflix.

Sometimes The Things You’ve Lost Can Be Found Again In Unexpected Places.

And What Might Seem To Be A Series Of Unfortunate Events May In Fact Be The First Steps Of A Journey.

One Of The World's Most Popular Entertainments Is A Deck Of Cards, Which Contains Thirteen Each Of Four Suits, Highlighted By Kings, Queens And Jacks, Who Are Possibly The Queen's Younger, More Attractive Boyfriends.

Popular Entertainment

I Like To Think That I Get Better And Better As A Writer, But It Seems Pretty Easy To Me To Slip On Disguises Of Various People.

The Real Santa Claus Is At The Mall.

Your Initial Opinion On Just About Anything May Change Over Time.

First Impression

Instead Of The Word 'love' There Was An Enormous Heart, A Symbol Sometimes Used By People Who Have Trouble Figuring Out The Difference Between Words And Shapes.

I Love No One But You, I Have Discovered, But You Are Far Away And I Am Here Alone. Then This Is My Life And Maybe, However Unlikely, I'll Find My Way Back There. Or Maybe, One Day, I'll Settle For Second Best. And On That Same Day, Hell Will Freeze Over, The Sun Will Burn Out And The Stars Will Fall From The Sky.

An Overall Feeling Of Doom That One Cannot Ever Escape No Matter What One Does

You Can Invent Things Like Automatic Popcorn Poppers. You Can Invent Things Like Steam-powered Window Washers. But You Can’t Invent More Time.

A Good Thing To Do When One Is Sitting, Eating, And Resting Is To Have A Conversation.

If You Know Somebody Very Well, Like Your Grandmother Or Your Baby Sister, You Will Know When They Are Real And When They Are Fake.

They Were Almond Cookies, Although They Could Have Been Made Of Spinach And Shoes For All I Cared. I Ate Eleven Of Them, Right In A Row. It Is Rude To Take The Last Cookie.

Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus And Hera! Mary And Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't Touch Her! Grab Her! Move Closer! Run Away! Don't Move! Kill The Snake! Leave It Alone! Give It Some Food! Don't Let It Bite Her! Lure The Snake Away! Here, Snakey! Here, Snakey Snakey!

Never Look A Gift Lion In The Mouth.

I Found Powerful The Idea That Everything We Have Is, In Effect, Stolen From Everybody Else.

I Write Storys To Entertain Not To Be The Best

I Liked, I Admit, That We Didn’t Pretend There Hadn’t Been Other Girls. There Was Always A Girl On You In The Halls At School, Like They Came Free With A Backpack.

I Do Think Of Emotions As Being On A Circular Path, So You Can Feel Terrible And Terrible And Terrible, And Then All Of A Sudden It Becomes Quite Funny.

Appearance Matters A Great Deal Because You Can Often Tell A Lot About People By Looking At How They Present Themselves.

It Is Often Said That Reading Is A Gift, But To My Mind That Is An Insufficient Description, For The Size Of The Gift Of Reading Is So Vast That It Is Difficult To See What Is Outside Its Wrapping.

When I Wrote Rick, I Had The Idea That I Would Take The Plot Of Nearly Every Opera And Turn It Into A Dark Film, Which Is Something I Still May Do.

For Beatrice- My Love For You Shall Live Forever. You, However, Did Not.

My Love For You

At Times The World May Seem An Unfriendly And Sinister Place, But Believe That There Is Much More Good In It Than Bad. All You Have To Do Is Look Hard Enough. And What Might Seem To Be A Series Of Unfortunate Events May In Fact Be The First Steps Of A Journey.

Temper Tantrums, However Fun They May Be To Throw, Rarely Solve Whatever Problem Is Causing Them.

I’m Happier Than A Pig Eating Bacon!

Knowing That Something Is Wrong And Doing It Anyway Happens Very Often In Life, And I Doubt I Will Ever Know Why.

The Trouble With Talking About Irony Is, It's Such A Slippery Thing That The Second You Start Talking About It, You're A Better Example Of It Than You Are An Analyst.

For Obvious Reasons, I Never Told You About My Notebook, With A Cover As Green As Mansions Long Ago, Which I Use As A Commonplace Book, A Phrase Which Here Means 'place Where I Have Collected Passages From Some Of The Most Important Books I Have Read.

I'd Made Pretty Clear To The People At Paramount And Dreamworks That, If They Wanted Lemony Snicket To Comment, He Would Be Completely Horrified By The Entire Film. And As Long As They Understood That, It Was Okay. I'm Not Much Of A Fan Of Dvd Commentaries Myself, So This Was My Way Of Getting Revenge, In A Sense, For All The Puffed-up Directors And Stars Who Talk Endlessly About The Self-aggrandizing Minutiae Of Making A Movie.

This Is My Knife. It Is Very Sharp And Very Eager To Hurt You.

Daniel Handler's A Writer, Musician And The Author Of, Among Other Things, The "series Of Unfortunate Events" Books. He Also Wrote The Tv Version Of The Books That Is Available Now On Netflix. As Said, I Recommend Both Media For This Story.

Announcing Your Death Should Be Like Announcing That You Are A Lunar Moth: It Must Be Done Quietly Or It Will Not Be Believed.

Tell Me What It Is, Or Prepare To Eat Harpoon.

The Mind Has A Thousand Eyes, And The Heart Has One:yet The Light Of A Whole Life Dies When Love Is Done.

Love Can Smack You Like A Seagull, And Pour All Over Your Feet Like Junkmail. You Can't Be Ready For Such A Thing Any More Than Salt Water Taffy Gets You Ready For The Ocean.

I Wrote A Comedy, Which Hopefully [rick Director] Curtiss Clayton Will Bring To The Screen, That I Thought Was The Antithesis Of All My Work. I Thought It Was Light And Sunshiny, And Mr. Clayton Reminded Me That It Is The Story Of A Woman Kidnapped And Forced To Do Things Against Her Will, Which Is Not What Most People Think Of As Light And Sunshiny.

I Started Making Plans, Thinking We Would Get That Far.

Members Of Your Family Might Say They Are Working Hard All Day Long, While You Are Off At School Or Clarinet Lessons, But The Only Way To Know This For Sure Is To Follow Them At A Discreet Distance.

You Can't Believe Everything You Read.

It Was A Curious Feeling, That Something Could Be So Close And So Distant At The Same Time.

Taking One’s Chances Is Like Taking A Bath, Because Sometimes You End Up Feeling Comfortable And Warm, And Sometimes There Is Something Terrible Lurking Around That You Cannot See Until It Is Too Late And You Can Do Nothing Else But Scream And Cling To A Plastic Duck.

This Is Love, To Sit With Someone You've Known Forever In A Place You've Been Meaning To Go, And Watching As Their Life Happens To Them Until You Stand Up And It's Time To Go.

I Guess We’ll Be Traveling In Uncharted Waters.” “that’ll Be Fun,” Phil Said.

Uncharted Waters

Hup Hup Ha Ha Hammy Hee Hee!

They're Book Addicts.

We Are A Nation Of Children Letting Horrible Things Happen, And Flunking Calc.

Simply Put, Dramatic Irony Is When A Person Makes A Harmless Remark, And Someone Else Who Hears It Knows Something That Makes The Remark Have A Different, And Usually Unpleasant, Meaning. For Instance, If You Were In A Restaurant And Said Out Loud, "i Can't Wait To Eat The Veal Marsala I Ordered," And There Were People Around Who Knew That The Veal Marsala Was Poisoned And That You Would Die As Soon As You Took A Bite, Your Situation Would Be One Of Dramatic Irony.

Grief, A Type Of Sadness That Most Often Occurs When You Have Lost Someone You Love, Is A Sneaky Thing, Because It Can Disappear For A Long Time, And Then Pop Back Up When You Least Expect It.

My Work Is Very Dear To Me, And Certainly I Have Had All The Emotional Highs And Lows That Go With Trying To Get It To An Audience. But I Do Have Some Kind Of Detachment That Seems Somewhat Unusual In My Trade. I'm A Writer Who Writes Every Day. I Don't Have A Period Of Months Where I Can't Get Anything Done And I Wander Around Tearing My Hair Out. When I Come Back From A Book Tour, For Instance, I Might Have One Day Where I Sleep Late And Then Check My E-mail, And Then Go For A Walk, And Then The Next Day I'm Really Itching To Get Back At Writing A Story.

And Then Like A Song We'd Forgotten Was Even On The Mix, You Stepped Into The House And My Whole Life.

Wherever It's Good, Whatever Strange, Faraway Land, Let's Go There, Let's Stay In That Place Alone.

For Beatrice - You Will Always Be In My Mind, In My Heart And In Your Grave.

I Was So Grateful That Lemony Snicket Wasn't The Worst Movie Ever Made That I Overlooked Many Things That Might Have Otherwise Upset Me.

You Might Find It Difficult To See Anything But Your Own Sadness, The Way Smoke Can Cover A Landscape So That All Anyone Can See Is Black. You May Find That If Someone Pours Water All Over You, You Are Damp And Distracted, But Not Cured Of Your Sadness, The Way A Fire Department Can Douse A Fire But Never Recover What Has Been Burnt Down.

With A Library It Is Easier To Hope For Serendipity Than To Look For A Precise Answer.

So Every So Often, When I Meet Someone Who's Honestly Appalled By My Books And Doesn't Understand Why They Would Be Attractive To People... I Find Such People Sort Of Charming, Even Though They Usually Don't Like Me.

Tea Should Be As Bitter As Wormwod And As Sharp As A Two Eged Sword Kit Snicket (a Series Of Unfortunate Events)

A Newspaper, As I'm Sure You Know, Is A Collection Of Supposedly True Stories Written Down By Writers Who Either Saw Them Happen Or Talked To People Who Did. These Writers Are Called Journalists, And Like Telephone Operators, Butchers, Ballerinas, And People Who Clean Up After Horses, Journalists Can Sometimes Make Mistakes.

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John F. Kennedy

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