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After My Husband, Dave, Died, I Called My Friend Adam, A Psychologist Who Studies How People Find Meaning In Our Lives, And I Asked Him What, If Anything, I Could Do To Help Myself And My Kids Get Through This. We Started Talking About Resilience, Then Reading About It, Then Talking To Other People Who Had Gotten Through Grief And Other Huge Challenges. In Time, Those Conversations And That Research Helped Me Heal.

-Sheryl Sandberg

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After My Husband, Dave,

Sheryl Sandberg

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After My Husband, Dave, Died, I Called My Friend Adam, A Psychologist Who Studies How People Find Meaning In Our Lives, And I Asked Him What, If Anything, I Could Do To Help Myself And My Kids Get Through This. We Started Talking About Resilience, Then Reading About It, Then Talking To Other People Who Had Gotten Through Grief And Other Huge Challenges. In Time, Those Conversations And That Research Helped Me Heal.

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My Hope In Writing 'lean In: Women, Work, And The Will To Lead' Was To Change The Conversation From What Women Can't Do To What We Can.

Most People Assume That Women Are Responsible For Households And Child Care. Most Couples Operate That Way - Not All. That Fundamental Assumption Holds Women Back.

We Call Our Little Girls Bossy. Go To A Playground; Little Girls Get Called Bossy All The Time - A Word That's Almost Never Used For Boys - And That Leads Directly To The Problems Women Face In The Workforce.

The Traditional Metaphor For Careers Is A Ladder, But I No Longer Think That Metaphor Holds. It Just Doesn’t Make Sense In A Less Hierarchical World... Build Your Skills, Not Your Resume. Evaluate What You Can Do, Not The Title They’re Going To Give You. Do Real Work. Take A Sales Quota, A Line Role, An Ops Job. Don’t Plan Too Much, And Don’t Expect A Direct Climb. If I Had Mapped Out My Career When I Was Sitting Where You Are, I Would Have Missed My Career.

All Of Us Want The Same Things. We Want To Be Good To The People Around Us And For Our Lives To Have Meaning. For Me That Means Making The World A Little Bit Easier For Women.

I Want My Daughter To Have The Choice Not Just To Succeed, But To Be Liked For Her Accomplishments.

We've Ceased Making Progress At The Top In Any Industry Anywhere In The World . In The United States, Women Have Had 14% Of The Top Corporate Jobs And 17% Of The Board Seats For 10 Years. Ten Years Of No Progress.

I Have Never Worked For A Woman, And I Have Never Worked With A Lot Of Women.

At Facebook We Feel A Lot Of Affinity Not Just For This Community But For Any Community That Is Trying To Do What Davos Is Trying To Do, Which Is To Share Information. And Davos Is Doing It In A Particular Way - I Think The Facebook Approach Is Obviously More Broad-based, We're Trying To Include Everyone In The World. But The Goal Is The Same: Bring People Together, To Share Information And Make The World More Connected, And Have People Have A Deeper Understanding Of Themselves, Others, The Communities Of Which They Want To Be A Part And Can Be A Part.

I Know From My Own Experience That The Path To Change Is Best Traveled When We Travel Together.

What Works For Men Does Not Always Work For Women, Because Success And Likability Are Positively Correlated For Men And Negatively Correlated For Women. That's What The Research Shows. As A Man Gets More Successful, Everyone Is Rooting For Him. As A Woman Gets More Successful, Both Men And Women Like Her Less.

When I Went To College, As Much As My Parents Emphasized Academic Achievement, They Emphasized Marriage Even More. They Told Me That The Most Eligible Women Marry Young To Get A 'good Man' Before They Are All Taken.

The Time Is Long Overdue To Encourage More Women To Dream The Possible Dream.

I Am Saying That I Was Able To Mold Those Hours Around The Needs Of My Family, And That Matters. And I Really Encourage Other People At Facebook To Mold Hours Around Themselves.

I Go Around The Room And Ask People, 'what Do You Think?'

What I Tell Everyone, And I Really Do For Myself Is, I Have A Long-run Dream, Which Is I Want To Work On Stuff That I Think Matters.

We Have A Problem With Women In Leadership Across The Board. This Leadership Gap - This Problem Of Not Enough Women In Leadership - Is Running Really Deep And It's In Every Industry. My Answer Is We Have To Understand The Stereotype Assumptions That Hold Women Back.

She Explained That Many People, But Especially Women, Feel Fraudulent When They Are Praised For Their Accomplishments. Instead Of Feeling Worthy Of Recognition, They Feel Undeserving And Guilty, As If A Mistake Has Been Made. Despite Being High Achievers, Even Experts In Their Fields, Women Can't Seem To Shake The Sense That It Is Only A Matter Of Time Until They Are Found Out For Who They Really Are- Impostors With Limited Skills Or Abilities.

When It Comes Time To Settle Down, Find Someone Who Wants An Equal Partner. Someone Who Thinks Women Should Be Smart, Opinionated, And Ambitious.

There Is No Perfect Fit When You're Looking For The Next Big Thing To Do. You Have To Take Opportunities And Make An Opportunity Fit For You, Rather Than The Other Way Around. The Ability To Learn Is The Most Important Quality A Leader Can Have.

I Don't Hold Myself Out As A Role Model. I Don't Believe That Everyone Should Make The Same Choices; That Everyone Has To Want To Be A Ceo, Or Everyone Should Want To Be A Work-at-home Mother. I Want Everyone To Be Able To Choose. But I Want Us To Be Able To Choose Unencumbered By Gender Choosing For Us.

Leadership Is About Making Others Better As A Result Of Your Presence And Making Sure That Impact Lasts In Your Absence." (harvard Business School Definition Of Leadership)

Speak Up. Believe In Yourself. Take Risks.

I Wish I Could Just Go Tell All The Young Women I Work With, All These Fabulous Women, 'believe In Yourself And Negotiate For Yourself. Own Your Own Success.' I Wish I Could Tell That To My Daughter. But It's Not That Simple.

A Truly Equal World Would Be One Where Women Ran Half Our Countries And Companies And Men Ran Half Our Homes.

I Really Think We Need More Women To Lean Into Their Careers And To Be Really Dedicated To Staying In The Work Force.

We've Got To Get Women To Sit At The Table.

Motivation Comes From Working On Things We Care About. It Also Comes From Working With People We Care About.

Facebook Is A Really Exciting Place Trying To Do Something Really Important That I Really Believe In. And It Matters.

You Know, There Has Never Been A 24-hour Period In Five Years When I Have Not Responded To E-mail At Facebook. I Am Not Saying It's Easy. I Work Long Hours.

Bring Your Whole Self To Work. I Don't Believe We Have A Professional Self Monday Through Friday And A Real Self The Rest Of The Time. It Is All Professional And It Is All Personal.

No Industry Or Country Can Reach Its Full Potential Until Women Reach Their Full Potential. This Is Especially True Of Science And Technology, Where Women With A Surplus Of Talent Still Face A Deficit Of Opportunity.

...parents Who Work Outside The Home Are Still Capable Of Giving Their Children A Loving And Secure Childhood. Some Data Even Suggest That Having Two Parents Working Outside The Home Can Be Advantageous To A Child's Development, Particularly For Girls.

Endless Data Show That Diverse Teams Make Better Decisions. We Are Building Products That People With Very Diverse Backgrounds Use, And I Think We All Want Our Company Makeup To Reflect The Makeup Of The People Who Use Our Products. That's Not True Of Any Industry Really, And We Have A Long Way To Go.

If More Women Are In Leadership Roles, We'll Stop Assuming They Shouldn't Be.

Leadership Roles

So Please Ask Yourself: What Would I Do If I Weren't Afraid? And Then Go Do It.

We [facebook] Really Believe In Enabling People To Be Their Authentic Selves On The Web, And Enabling People To Communicate Directly With Each Other In A Very Personal Way.

Coming From Google, You Don't Exactly Spend A Lot Of Time At Microsoft.

We're The Only Developed Country In The World That Doesn't Have Paid Maternity Leave. Paternity Leave Is Just As Important. Paid Family Medical Leave So That You Can Take Care Of A Parent, A Child, A Grandparent, Whatever You Need To Do. I Think We're Shortsighted When We Don't Invest In Our Employees As Companies, And As An Economy, Because We Invest In Them And They Invest Back In Us.

A Lot Of People Will Say, "what's Facebook's Business Model?" I Always Find That A Kind Of Funny Question. Our Business Model Is Out There, Which Is: We Monetize Largely Through Advertising And A Little Bit Through The Gift Revenue, The Virtual Gifts We Have On Our Site. I Think Those Continue To Be The Most Promising Avenues Going Forward.

So There's No Such Thing As Work-life Balance. There's Work, And There's Life, And There's No Balance.

Work Life Balance

Trying To Do It All And Expecting That It All Can Be Done Exactly Right Is A Recipe For Disappointment. Perfection Is The Enemy.

Men Can Comfortably Claim Credit For What They Do As Long As They Don't Veer Into Arrogance. For Women, Taking Credit Comes At A Real Social And Professional Cost.

There's A Lot That Needs To Be Fixed In Dating For Men And Women In The U.s. - There's A Lot Of Pressure On Women To Do Things They May Not Want To Do. And If You Start Out Unequal, You Are Not Going To End Up With Equality.

In The Future, There Will Be No Female Leaders. There Will Just Be Leaders.

I'd Like To See Where Boys And Girls End Up If They Get Equal Encouragement I Think We Might Have Some Differences In How Leadership Is Done

I Realized That Searching For A Mentor Has Become The Professional Equivalent Of Waiting For Prince Charming. We All Grew Up On The Fairy Tale "seeping Beauty," Which Instructs Young Women That If They Just Wait For Their Prince To Arrive, They Will Be Kissed And Whisked Away On A White Horse To Live Happily Ever After. Now Young Women Are Told That If They Can Just Find The Right Mentor, They Will Be Pushed Up The Ladder And Whisked Away To The Corner Office To Live Happily Ever After. Once Again, We Are Teaching Women To Be Too Dependent On Others.

We Hold Ourselves Back In Ways Both Big And Small, By Lacking Self-confidence, By Not Raising Our Hands, And By Pulling Back When We Should Be Leaning In.

Self Confidence

Talking Can Transform Minds, Which Can Transform Behaviors, Which Can Transform Institutions.

The Cost Of Stability Is Often Diminished Opportunities For Growth.

I Would Love To Meet J.k. Rowling And Tell Her How Much I Admire Her Writing And Am Amazed By Her Imagination. I Read Every 'harry Potter' Book As It Came Out And Looked Forward To Each New One. I Am Rereading Them Now With My Kids And Enjoying Them Every Bit As Much. She Made Me Look At Jelly Beans In A Whole New Way.

I Want Women To Get Paid More. I Want To Teach Them To Negotiate So They Get Paid More.

When You Want To Change Things, You Won't Please Everyone.

Build Your Skills, Not Your Resume.

Careers Are A Jungle Gym, Not A Ladder.

When My Mother Took Her Turn To Sit In A Gown At Her Graduation, She Thought She Only Had Two Career Options: Nursing And Teaching. She Raised Me And My Sister To Believe That We Could Do Anything, And We Believed Her.

Getting From Point A To Point Z Can Be Daunting Unless You Remember That You Don’t Have To Get From A To Z. You Just Have To Get From A To B. Breaking Big Dreams Into Small Steps Is The Way To Move Forward.

The Reason I Wrote Lean In Is I Think People Weren't Actually Noticing That We Had Stopped Making Progress. I Gave A Ted Talk And Said: "it Turns Out Men Still Run The World." And The Audience Gasped As If That Was News.

Grief Affects Job Performance, So Giving Workers Time Off To Grieve Can Lead To Stronger Outcomes At Work.

We Can Each Define Ambition And Progress For Ourselves. The Goal Is To Work Toward A World Where Expectations Are Not Set By The Stereotypes That Hold Us Back, But By Our Personal Passion, Talents And Interests.

I Feel Really Grateful To The People Who Encouraged Me And Helped Me Develop. Nobody Can Succeed On Their Own.

Excel And You Will Get A Mentor.

Until Women Are As Ambitious As Men, They're Not Gong To Achieve As Much As Men.

Aggressive And Hard-charging Women Violate Unwritten Rules About Acceptable Social Conduct. Men Are Continually Applauded For Being Ambitious And Powerful And Successful, But Women Who Display These Same Traits Often Pay A Social Penalty. Female Accomplishments Come At A Cost.

In Those Same 10 Years, Women Are Getting More And More Of The Graduate Degrees, More And More Of The Undergraduate Degrees, And It's Translating Into More Women In Entry-level Jobs, Even More Women In Lower-level Management. But There's Absolutely Been No Progress At The Top. You Can't Explain Away 10 Years. Ten Years Of No Progress Is No Progress.

I'm Not Pretending I Can Give Advice To Every Single Person Or Every Single Couple For Every Situation; I'm Making The Point That We Are Not Going To Get To Equality In The Workforce Before We Get To Equality In The Home. Not Going To Happen.

Grief Comes And Goes, It Ebbs And Flows. I Think One Of The Lessons Of This For Me Is That There's No One Way To Grieve. Everyone Does It In Their Own Way, In Their Own Time, And We All Process Life And Its Challenges And Its Ups And Downs As They Come.

I Tell People In Their Careers, 'look For Growth. Look For The Teams That Are Growing Quickly. Look For The Companies That Are Doing Well. Look For A Place Where You Feel That You Can Have A Lot Of Impact.'

We Know When We Use The Full Talents Of Our Population We're More Productive. And We Know That When People Really Feel Like They Can Have Flexible Lives, They're Better Employees.

I Gave A Talk On Gender Stuff At Facebook One Morning And A Man Didn't Come. It Was Optional; He Didn't Have To Come. But He Sent A Note Saying, "i Missed Your Meeting Because I Drove My Kids To School So My Wife Could Do Something Else. Thank You For Making That Possible." I Think That Employee Is A Loyal Employee For Facebook And I Think More Companies Should Want That Kind Of Loyalty.

I Would Be Better At My Job If I Were Technical.

People Assume Wall Street Is A Certain Culture And Tech Is A Certain Culture. But If You Look At The (gender) Numbers At The Top Of (those) Industries, They Don't Vary Very Much. I Think In Finance, Women Hold 19 Percent Of The Top Jobs, And Women Are 21 Percent Of The Leaders In Nonprofits.

You Need To Feel That You're Making A Difference.

Making A Difference

When Looking For A Life Partner, My Advice To Women Is Date All Of Them: The Bad Boys, The Cool Boys, The Commitment-phobic Boys, The Crazy Boys. But Do Not Marry Them. The Things That Make The Bad Boys Sexy Do Not Make Them Good Husbands.

If I Didn't Write In My Journal Every Couple Of Days, I Felt Like I Was Going To Burst. Later I Learned The Research About How Important Journaling Can Be To Recovering From Trauma And Grief. That Was Definitely True For Me.

Feeling Confident - Or Pretending That You Feel Confident - Is Necessary To Reach For Opportunities. It's A Cliché, But Opportunities Are Rarely Offered; They're Seized.

Its Time To Cheer On Girls And Women Who Want To Sit At The Table

After My Husband, Dave, Died, I Called My Friend Adam, A Psychologist Who Studies How People Find Meaning In Our Lives, And I Asked Him What, If Anything, I Could Do To Help Myself And My Kids Get Through This. We Started Talking About Resilience, Then Reading About It, Then Talking To Other People Who Had Gotten Through Grief And Other Huge Challenges. In Time, Those Conversations And That Research Helped Me Heal.

It Is The Ultimate Luxury To Combine Passion And Contribution. It's Also A Very Clear Path To Happiness.

Our Aspirations Are Really For Women To Be In Half The Leadership Roles And Men To Be Doing Half The Work Of Parenting.

Women Are Not Making It To The Top. A Hundred And Ninety Heads Of State; Nine Are Women. Of All The People In Parliament In The World, Thirteen Per Cent Are Women. In The Corporate Sector, Women At The Top - C-level Jobs, Board Seats - Tops Out At Fifteen, Sixteen Per Cent.

We Compromise Our Career Goals To Make Room For Partners And Children Who May Not Even Exist Yet

Don't Make Decisions Too Far In Advance, Particularly Ones You're Not Even Conscious You're Making.

When Companies Offer Support And Assistance For Personal And Family Hardships, Their Employees Become More Loyal And More Productive.

Done Is Better Than Perfect.

Self Improvement

When You're More Valuable, The People Around You Will Do More To Make It Work.

But The Upside Of Painful Knowledge Is So Much Greater Than The Downside Of Blissful Ignorance.

Real Change Will Come When Powerful Women Are Less Of An Exception. It Is Easy To Dislike Senior Women Because There Are So Few.

Nobody Can Succeed On Their Own.

And In Situations Where A Man And A Woman Each Receive Negative Feedback, The Woman's Self-confidence And Self-esteem Drop To A Much Greater Degree. The Internalization Of Failure And The Insecurity It Breeds Hurt Future Performance, So This Pattern Has Serious Long-term Consequences.

Self Confidence

Leaders Should Strive For Authenticity Over Perfection.

If You Ask Men Why They Did A Good Job, They'll Say, 'i'm Awesome. Obviously. Why Are You Even Asking?' If You Ask Women Why They Did A Good Job, What They'll Say Is Someone Helped Them, They Got Lucky, They Worked Really Hard.

Leadership Is Not Bullying And Leadership Is Not Aggression. Leadership Is The Expectation That You Can Use Your Voice For Good. That You Can Make The World A Better Place.

I'm A Feminist Because I Believe In Women... It's A Heavy Word, Feminism, But It's Not One I Think We Should Run From. I'm Proud To Be A Feminist.

When People Are Really Suffering, And We Know They're Suffering, That Question Can Be A Very Difficult One. Inadvertently, I Think Without Anyone Meaning It, It Communicates A Lack Of Empathy.

When Woman Work Outside The Home And Share Breadwinning Duties, Couples Are More Likely To Stay Together. In Fact, The Risk Of Divorce Reduces By About Half When A Wife Earns Half The Income And A Husband Does Half The Housework.

When I Was In High School, I Was Voted Most Likely To Succeed.

Communication Starts With The Understanding That There Is My Point Of View (my Truth) And Someone Else's Point Of View (his Truth). Rarely Is There One Absolute Truth, So People Who Believe That They Speak The Truth Are Very Silencing Of Others.

I Probably Shouldn't Admit This Since I Work In The Tech Industry, But I Still Prefer Reading Paper Books.

When Looking For A Life Partner, My Advice To Women Is Date All Of Them: The Bad Boys, The Cool Boys, The Commitment-phobic Boys, The Crazy Boys. But Do Not Marry Them. The Things That Make The Bad Boys Sexy Do Not Make Them Good Husbands. When It Comes Time To Settle Down, Find Someone Who Wants An Equal Partner. Someone Who Thinks Women Should Be Smart, Opinionated And Ambitious. Someone Who Values Fairness And Expects Or, Even Better, Wants To Do His Share In The Home. These Men Exist And, Trust Me, Over Time, Nothing Is Sexier.

I Just Believed. I Believed That The Technology Would Change People's Lives. I Believed Putting Real Identity Online - Putting Technology Behind Real Identity - Was The Missing Link.

There Is No Straight Path From Your Seat Today To Where You Are Going. Don't Try To Draw That Line. You Will Not Just Get It Wrong, You'll Miss Big Opportunities. And I Mean Big-like The Internet. Careers Are Not Ladders, Those Days Are Long Gone, But Jungle Gyms. Don't Just Move Up And Down, Don't Just Look Up, Look Backwards, Sideways Around Corners. Your Career And Your Life Will Have Starts And Stops And Zigs And Zags. Don't Stress Out About The White Space-the Path You Can't Draw- Because There In Lies Both The Surprises And The Opportunities.

The Gender Stereotypes Introduced In Childhood Are Reinforced Throughout Our Lives And Become Self-fulfilling Prophesies. Most Leadership Positions Are Held By Men, So Women Don't Expect To Achieve Them, And That Becomes One Of The Reasons They Don't.

There's No Easy Path Through Grief And Trauma. Learning From The Experiences Of People Who'd Been Through Similar Losses Was Helpful.

Fortune Does Favor The Bold And You'll Never Know What You're Capable Of If You Don't Try.

Everyone Knows That Marriage Is The Biggest Personal Decision You Make, But It's The Biggest Career Decision You Can Make.

When The Man Is Traveling With A Man, He Says, "let's Stay Up Late And Work On This And Get This To Be Better." When The Man's Traveling With The Woman, For The Sake Of Appearances He Doesn't Do The Work With Her. That's A Lost Opportunity For Her To Be A Success.

I Have A Five Year-old Son And A Three Year-old Daughter. I Want My Son To Have A Choice To Contribute Fully In The Workforce Or At Home. And I Want My Daughter To Have The Choice To Not Just Succeed, But To Be Liked For Her Accomplishments.

At Facebook, We Try To Be A Strengths-based Organization, Which Means We Try To Make Jobs Fit Around People Rather Than Make People Fit Around Jobs. We Focus On What People's Natural Strengths Are And Spend Our Management Time Trying To Find Ways For Them To Use Those Strengths Every Day.

I Want To Tell Any Young Girl Out There Who's A Geek, I Was A Really Serious Geek In High School. It Works Out. Study Harder.

Next Time You're About To Call Your Daughter Bossy, Take A Deep Breath And Say, 'my Daughter Has Executive Leadership Skills.'

It's Hard To Visualize Someone As A Leader, If She Is Always Waiting To Be Told What To Do.

Women Attribute Their Success To Working Hard, Luck, And Help From Other People. Men Will Attribute That - Whatever Success They Have, That Same Success - To Their Own Core Skills.

A Woman, If You're Most Intelligent Or Most Likely To Succeed, That's An Embarrassing Thing. Or Something That's Not Considered Attractive, And I Think That's What We Need To Change.

Real Empathy Is Sometimes Not Insisting That It Will Be Okay But Acknowledging That It Is Not.

Our Culture Needs To Find A Robust Image Of Female Success That Is First, Not Male, And Second, Not A White Woman On The Phone, Holding A Crying Baby.

Presenting Leadership As A List Of Carefully Defined Qualities (like Strategic, Analytical, And Performance-ori Ented) No Longer Holds. Instead, True Leadership Stems From Individuality That Is Honestly And Sometimes Imperfectly Expressed.... Leaders Should Strive For Authenticity Over Perfection.

Today, Despite All Of The Gains We Have Made, Neither Men Nor Women Have Real Choice. Until Women Have Supportive Employers And Colleagues As Well As Partners Who Share Family Responsibilities, They Don't Have Real Choice. And Until Men Are Fully Respected For Contributing Inside The Home, They Don't Have Real Choice Either.

Don't Let Your Fears Overwhelm Your Desire. Let The Barriers You Face-and There Will Be Barriers-be External, Not Internal. Fortune Does Favor The Bold, And I Promise That You Will Never Know What You're Capable Of Unless You Try.

We're Focused On Doing One Thing Incredibly Well. If You Look At Other Companies, All Of These Companies Are Doing A Lot Of Different Things But We're Still, As We Grow, Doing Exactly One Thing.

Women Need To Shift Form Thinking "i'm Not Ready To Do That" To Thinking "i Want To Do That- And I'll Learn By Doing It.

If You're Offered A Seat On A Rocket Ship, Don't Ask What Seat! Just Get On.

The Promise Of Equality Is Not The Same As True Equality.

I Had Heard That When People Lost People, There Was Anger. But I Definitely Experienced It A Lot More Than I Was Prepared For It. Anger Was Not Something I'd Ever Really Felt In My Life And I Was Not Prepared For It.

The No. 1 Impediment To Women Succeeding In The Workforce Is Now In The Home.

The Reason I Don't Have A Plan Is Because If I Have A Plan I'm Limited To Today's Options.

In Our Performance Reviews With Women, We Need To Be Saying, "are You Reaching Enough? Are You Applying For Jobs When You Meet Some Of The Criteria Like Men, Or Are You Waiting To Meet All The Criteria Like Women Do?" There's So Much We Can Do To Encourage Women To Take On More And Believe In Themselves.

Two Things That I Think Matter Are Gratitude And Joy.

Social Media Has Created A Historical Shift From The Historically Powerful To The Historically Powerless. Now Everyone Has A Voice.

The Most Important Career Decision You'll Make Is Who Your Life Partner Is.

If You Do Please Everyone, You Are Not Making Enough Progress.

I Was Grateful That Facebook Already Had Generous Bereavement Policies . Now Facebook Employees Receive 20 Days Paid Leave To Grieve The Loss Of An Immediate Family Member And 10 Days For An Extended Family Member. I'm Proud That We're Able To Do This And I Hope More Businesses Do The Same. Only 60 Percent Of Private Sector Workers Get Paid Time Off After The Death Of A Loved One, And Then It's Usually Just A Few Days. Workers And Families Deserve Better Than That.

Being Confident And Believing In Your Own Self-worth Is Necessary To Achieving Your Potential.

We Need Women At All Levels, Including The Top, To Change The Dynamic, Reshape The Conversation, To Make Sure Women’s Voices Are Heard And Heeded, Not Overlooked And Ignored.

When We Get Feedback On Women, We Ask, "is That Real Or Is That The Gender Bias At Play?" Everyone Could Start Doing That Today And I Think We'd See Really Big Results.

Believe In Yourself And Negotiate For Yourself. Own Your Own Success.

Believe In Yourself

As A Man Gets More Successful, Powerful, He Is More Liked, And As A Woman Gets More Successful, She Is Less Liked, And That's True By Both Women And Men.

Over The Last 10 Years, Women Have Stalled Out At The Top.

We Need To Stop Telling [women], "get A Mentor And You Will Excel." Instead, We Need To Tell Them, "excel And You Will Get A Mentor.

Every Job Will Demand Some Sacrifice. The Key Is To Avoid Unnecessary Sacrifice.

Let's Acknowledge That Men Reach For Opportunities More Quickly And More Easily Than Women. So Often As Managers, We Give The Job To Whoever Starts Solving The Problem, To Whoever Jumps In. Since We Know Men Will Jump In Faster Than Women In So Many Circumstances, We Have To Slow Down And Encourage More Women To Sit At More Tables.

And Anyway, Who Wears A Tiara On A Jungle Gym?

We Need To Start Talking About Child-rearing In The Workplace.

Give Us A World Where Half Our Homes Are Run By Men And Half Our Institutions Are Run By Women. I'm Pretty Sure That Would Be A Better World.

I'm Not Telling Women To Be Like Men. I'm Telling Us To Evaluate What Men And Women Do In The Workforce And At Home Without The Gender Bias.

What About The Rat Race In The First Place? Is It Worthwhile? Or Are You Just Buying Into Someone Else's Definition Of Success? Only You Can Decide That, And You'll Have To Decide It Over And Over And Over. But If You Think It's A Rat Race, Before You Drop Out, Take A Deep Breath. Maybe You Picked The Wrong Job. Try Again. And Then Try Again.

If I Had To Embrace A Definition Of Success, It Would Be That Success Is Making The Best Choices We Can ... And Accepting Them.

Guilt Management Can Be Just As Important As Time Management For Mothers.

Someone Who Values Fairness And Expects Or, Even Better, Wants To Do His Share In The Home. These Men Exist And, Trust Me, Over Time, Nothing Is Sexier.

Sixty-four Percent Of Managers In The U.s. Are Afraid To Be Alone In A Room With A Woman. Mentoring Is All About Being Alone In A Room With Someone. Let's Start Talking About This Honestly. The Lack Of Equal Access Is The Silent Killer For Women And No One Wants To Talk About It.

In Fact, My New Year's Resolution Every Year, And I'm Jewish So I Get Two New Years A Year, Is To Meditate, And I Fail Every Time.

We Have To Ask Ourselves If We Have Become So Focused On Supporting Personal Choices That We're Failing To Encourage Women To Aspire To Leadership.

Personal Choice

I Walk Out Of This Office Every Day At 5:30 So I'm Home For Dinner With My Kids At 6, And Interestingly, I've Been Doing That Since I Had Kids. I Did That When I Was At Google, I Did That Here, And I Would Say It's Not Until The Last Year, Two Years, That I'm Brave Enough To Talk About It Publicly. Now I Certainly Wouldn't Lie, But I Wasn't Running Around Giving Speeches On It." "...there's No Such Thing As Work-life Balance. There's Work, And There's Life, And There's No Balance.

My Goal Is Very Clear, And I Wrote About It In Lean In, Which Is That Women Run Half Our Companies And Countries And Men Run Half Our Homes. As Much As I Wish That Could Happen In Four Years, I Don't Think That's A Likely Time Period. But I Think It Can Happen Sooner Than We Think. Part Of It Is Having That Aspiration And That Goal. I Think We Too Often Suffer From The Tyranny Of Low Expectations.

Everyone Needs To Get More Comfortable With Female Leaders-including Female Leaders Themselves.

People Think That Women Don't Negotiate Because They're Not Good Negotiators, But That's Not It. Women Don't Negotiate Because It Doesn't Work As Well For Them. Women Have To Say, 'i Really Add A Lot Of Value, And It's In Your Interest To Pay Me More.' I Hate That Advice, But I Want To See Women Get Ahead.

It's More Pressure On Women To - If They Marry Or Partner With Someone, To Partner With The Right Person. Because You Cannot Have A Full Career And A Full Life At Home With Your Children If You Are Also Doing All Of The Housework And Child Care.

I Wish I Were Strong Enough To Ignore What Others Say, But Experience Tells Me I Often Can't. Allowing Myself To Feel Upset, Even Really Upset, And Then Move On - That's Something I Can Do.

Women Don't Take Enough Risks. Men Are Just 'foot On The Gas Pedal.' We're Not Going To Close The Achievement Gap Until We Close The Ambition Gap.

Fear Is At The Root Of So Many Of The Barriers That Women Face. Fear Of Not Being Liked. Fear Of Making The Wrong Choice. Fear Of Drawing Negative Attention. Fear Of Overreaching. Fear Of Being Judged. Fear Of Failure. And The Holy Trinity Of Fear: The Fear Of Being A Bad Mother/wife/daughter.

The Best Way To Make Room For Both Life And Career Is To Make Choices Deliberately-to Set Limits And Stick To Them.

There Is No Such Thing As Work-life Balance. There Is Work, There Is Life, And There Is No Balance.

Work Life Balance

Pages On Facebook Are Allowed To Be Anonymous. That Is Really Important. People Start Revolutions; We Need Anonymity.

Facebook Is Great For Women And Men. We Are Enormously Flexible. We Care A Lot About Great Opportunities For Women, We Push Ourselves To Make Things As Flexible As Possible.

But I Really Believe That When You Give People Authentic Identity, Which Is What Facebook Does, And You Can Be Your Real Self And Connect With Real People Online, Things Will Change.

I'm Excited That More People, Especially Men, Are Understanding That Equality Is Good For Them. I Don't Want Men To Want Equality For Women Because They're Being Nice To Their Colleagues And Daughters. I Want Men To Want It Because It's Better For Their Companies And Their Lives.

I Spent Most Of My Career, Including My Time At Mckinsey, Never Acknowledging That I Was A Woman. And, You Know, Fast Forward - I'm 43 Now - Fitting In Is Not Helping Us.

Women Have Made Tons Of Progress. But We Still Have A Small Percentage Of The Top Jobs In Any Industry, In Any Nation In The World. I Think That's Partly Because From A Very Young Age, We Encourage Our Boys To Lead And We Call Our Girls Bossy.

I've Seen Over And Over How Much Self-belief Drives Outcomes. And That's Why I Force Myself To Sit At The Table, Even When I Am Not Sure I Belong There - And Yes, This Still Happens To Me. And When I'm Not Sure Anyone Wants My Opinion, I Take A Deep Breath And Speak Up Anyway.

I Think Now Is Our Time. My Mother Was Told By Everyone That She Had Two Choices: She Could Be A Nurse Or A Teacher. The External Barriers Now Are Just So Much Lower. If We Start Acknowledging What The Real Issues Are, We Can Solve Them. It's Not That Hard.

Your Life's Course Will Not Be Determined By Doing The Things That You Are Certain You Can Do. Those Are The Easy Things. It Will Be Determined By Whether You Try The Things That Are Hard.

The More Women Help One Another, The More We Help Ourselves. Acting Like A Coalition Truly Does Produce Results. Any Coalition Of Support Must Also Include Men, Many Of Whom Care About Gender Inequality As Much As Women Do.

Without Fear, Women Can Pursue Professional Success And Personal Fulfillment-and Freely Choose One, Or The Other, Or Both.

Professional Success

Personal Fulfillment

We Cannot Change What We Are Not Aware Of, And Once We Are Aware, We Cannot Help But Change.

There Are Really Good Reasons To Leave The Workforce Or Work Less Or Take A Different Job When You Want To Be With Your Children. I Just Want Women - And Men - To Make That Choice Once They Have The Child. Not Years In Advance, Because... They Don't Get The Right Opportunities. They Give Up Before They Even Start.

Success And Likeability Are Positively Correlated For Men And Negatively For Women. When A Man Is Successful, He Is Liked By Both Men And Women. When A Woman Is Successful, People Of Both Genders Like Her Less.

I Don't Pretend There Aren't Biological Differences, But I Don't Believe The Desire For Leadership Is Hardwired Biology, Not The Desire To Win Or Excel. I Believe That It's Socialization, That We're Socializing Our Daughters To Nurture And Our Boys To Lead.

Women Systematically Underestimate Their Own Abilities.

Framing The Issue Of Work-life Balance - As If The Two Were Dramatically Opposed - Practically Ensures Work Will Lose Out. Who Would Ever Choose Work Over Life?

Men Feel Like They Can Be A Professional And A Father. For Women It's "or." That's Offensive To Me. The Concept That It's Not Possible Is Crazy.

Aiming For Perfection Causes Frustration At Best And Paralysis At Worst.

I Hope You Find True Meaning, Contentment, And Passion In Your Life. I Hope You Navigate The Difficult Times And Come Out With Greater Strength And Resolve. I Hope You Find Whatever Balance You Seek With Your Eyes Wide Open. And I Hope That You - Yes, You - Have The Ambition To Lean In To Your Career And Run The World. Because The World Needs You To Change It.

I Believe We Need Affordable Child Care. I Believe We Need Flexibility. I Believe We Need Institutional Reform And Public Policy Reform.

It Is Illegal To Discriminate On The Basis Of Pregnancy Or Gender. It Is Not Illegal To Talk About It.

No Industry Or Country Can Reach Its Full Potential Until Women Reach Their Full Potential.

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Thomas Peterffy

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