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Trust Me, The Being-dead Part Is Much Easier Than The Dying Part. If You Can Watch Much Television, Then Being Dead Will Be A Cinch. Actually, Watching Television And Surfing The Internet Are Really Excellent Practice For Being Dead.

-Chuck Palahniuk

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Trust Me, The Being-dead

Chuck Palahniuk

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Trust Me, The Being-dead Part Is Much Easier Than The Dying Part. If You Can Watch Much Television, Then Being Dead Will Be A Cinch. Actually, Watching Television And Surfing The Internet Are Really Excellent Practice For Being Dead.

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Tyler Gets Me A Job As A Waiter, After That Tyler's Pushing A Gun In My Mouth And Saying, The First Step To Eternal Life Is You Have To Die.

Actually, Watching Television And Surfing The Internet Are Really Excellent Practice For Being Dead.

It's Not Living Alone If You Keep A Rifle Under The Bed.

Imagine Books And Music And Movies Being Filtered And Homogenized. Certified. Approved For Consumption. People Will Be Happy To Give Up Most Of Their Culture For The Assurance That The Tiny Bit That Comes Through Is Safe And Clean. White Noise.

You Realize That People Take Drugs Because It's The Only Real Personal Adventure Left To Them In Their Time-constrained, Law-and-order, Property-lined World. It's Only In Drugs Or Death We'll See Anything New, And Death Is Just Too Controlling.

Let Me Be The Ring Leader In Your Guilt Gang-bang.

Picture Anybody Growing Up So Stupid He Didn't Know That Hope Is Just Another Phase You'll Grow Out Of.

Without Just One Nest A Bird Can Call The World Home Life Is Your Career

Hey, Even The Mona Lisa Is Falling Apart.

I Realized That My Book Readings Were Boring Me. I Was Going To Go Up There And Read A Passage And Sleepwalk Through The Whole Event And I Needed To Make It More Interesting. I Wanted To Be Running And Jumping And Do Something So That The Event Would Be So Exciting. I Had To Trick Myself Into Having Fun Every Time.

There Is A Social Contract In "fight Club" And In "choke" Where The Protagonist Has Deceived A Whole Bunch Of People. In "choke" It's All Of These People Who Think That They've Saved His Life, And Really Care About Him Because They've Embraced Him And They've Been His Saviors. In "fight Club" It's All Of These People Who Are Dying Of Various Diseases, And They Thought That Edward Norton Was Also Dying So They Allowed Him Really Strong Pent-up Emotions.

No Matter How Much I Try And Hide This, Bit By Bit, I Start To Fall Apart.

If You Look At Old Pictures, Irene Casey Is So Pretty. Not Just Young, But Pretty The Way You Look When Your Face Goes Smooth, The Skin Around Your Eyes And Lips Relaxed, The Pretty You Only Look When You Love The Person Taking The Picture.

He Was Assaulting The World By Assaulting Himself.

The Bad News Is We Don't Have Any Control. The Good News Is We Can't Make Any Mistakes.

People Fall So In Love With Their Pain, They Can’t Leave It Behind. The Same As The Stories They Tell. We Trap Ourselves.

The Only Difference Between Suicide And Martyrdom Is Press Coverage.

It's Easy To Attack And Destroy An Act Of Creation. It's A Lot More Difficult To Perform One.

I Need To Rebel Against Myself. It's The Opposite Of Following Your Bliss. I Need To Do What I Most Fear.

Believe In Yourself

You're Doomed At Being You.

There Are People Out There Who Will Not Read Books, But Somehow They'll Read My Books.

The Greatest Weapon Any Warrior Can Carry Into Battle Is Absolute Certainty Of Her Eternal Soul.

To See How Boring You Really Are, Write A Book About Soap And Cults, And The Profits You Make Will Be Your Only Means Of Subsistence.

In The Big Factory Of Perfecting Human Souls, The Earth Was Kind Of Tumbler. The Sale As The Kind People Use To Polish Rocks. All Souls Come Here To Rub The Sharp Edges Off Each Other. This Isn't Suffering. It's Erosion.

The Rules That I Adhere To Are The Rules Of Minimalism. And Those Rules Kind Of Force Writing To Be More Filmic... To Have The Immediacy And Accessibility Of Film So That The Reader Really Has To Fill In A Lot Of The Details.

Love Is Bullshit. Emotion Is Bullshit. I Am A Rock. A Jerk. I'm An Uncaring Asshole And Proud Of It.

Get Through The Moment. Avoid Confrontation. Run Away. That's Pretty Much How We Get Through Our Own Lives, Watching Television. Smoking Crap. Self-medicating. Redirecting Our Own Attention. Jacking Off. Denial.

Life Is Short, Death Is Forever

In Good Old Colonial Dunsboro, Masochism Is A Valuable Job Skill. It Is In Most Jobs.

The Weather Today Is An Increasing Trend Towards Denial.

Language, She Said, Was Just Our Way To Explain Away The Wonder And Glory Of The World. To Deconstruct. To Dismiss. She Said People Can't Deal With How Beautiful The World Really Is. How It Can't Be Explained And Understood.

For The Record, Knowing When People Are Only Pretending To Like You Isn't Such A Great Skill To Have.

The Trick To Forgetting The Big Picture Is To Look At Everything Close-up. The Shortcut To Closing A Door Is To Bury Yourself In The Details. This Is How We Must Look To God. As If Everything's Fine.

What You Have To Understand, Is Your Father Was Your Model For God. If You're Male And You're Christian And Living In America, Your Father Is Your Model For God. And If You Never Know Your Father, If Your Father Bails Out Or Dies Or Is Never At Home, What Do You Believe About God? What You End Up Doing Is You Spend Your Life Searching For A Father And God. What You Have To Consider Is The Possibility That God Doesn't Like You. Could Be, God Hates Us. This Is Not The Worst Thing That Can Happen.

I Used Rebellion As A Way To Hide Out. We Use Criticism As A Fake Participation.

Maybe This Is Why Misty Loved Him. Loved You. Because You Believed In Her So Much More Than She Did. You Expected More From Her Than She Did From Herself.

Everyone Wants To Be Tested And Challenged. Everyone Would Like A Good, Honest Fight To Exhaust Their Frustrations.

No Matter What Happens, It’s Always Now.

How You're Still Always Trapped. How Your Head Is The Cave, Your Eyes The Cave Mouth. How You Live Inside Your Head And Only See What You Want. How You Only Watch The Shadows And Make Up Your Own Meaning.

Don't Do What You Want. Do What You Don't Want. Do What You're Trained Not To Want. Do The Things That Scare You The Most.

Invisible Monsters

If I Turn Up Suicided In The Morning, It Was Murder.

The First Step To Eternal Life Is You Have To Die.

Crying Is Right At Hand In The Smothering Dark, Closed Inside Someone Else, When You See How Everything You Can Ever Accomplish Will End Up As Trash.

His Saliva Tasted Like The Wet Dicks Of Ten Thousand Lonely Truck Drivers.

I'm Giving You My Life To Prove To Myself I Can, I Really Can Love Somebody. Even When I'm Not Getting Paid, I Can Give Love And Happiness And Charm. You See, I Can Handle The Baby Food And The Not Talking And Being Homeless And Invisible, But I Have To Know That I Can Love Somebody. Completely And Totally, Permanently And Without Hope Of Reward, Just As An Act Of Will, I Will Love Somebody.

This Is The Worst Problem With Living History Museums. They Always Leave The Best Parts Out. Like Typhus. And Opium. And Scarlet Letters. Shunning. Witch-burning.

Because Nothing Is As Good As You Can Imagine It. No One Is As Beautiful As She Is In Your Head. Nothing Is As Exciting As Your Fantasy.

How I Feel Is Cheap And Used, Dirty And Humiliated. Dirty And Tricked And Thrown Away.

What They Don't Teach You In Art School Is How Your Whole Life Is About Discovering Who You Already Were.

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Rant Would Tell People: 'you're A Different Human Being To Everybody You Meet.

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A Shadow Of A Reflection Of An Image Of An Illusion.

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Having Nothing To Lose Is The New Wealth.

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My Goal Is More To Be Remembered. They'll Remember This Thing And Like It In The Future. The Trick Is To Stay Remembered Long Enough For That To Happen.

Funerals Are All Abstract Ceremony.

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Didn't I Realize That Each Of Us Is A Sacred, Unique Snowflake Of Special Unique Specialness?

Just Let Yourself Be Broken And Humiliated. Just Your Whole Life, Keep Telling People, I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry.

Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, I'll Be Anybody You Want Me To Be. Use Me. Change Me. I Can Be Thin With Big Breasts And Big Hair. Take Me Apart. Make Me Into Anything, But Just Love Me.

I'm Not Really Into Comfort Books. There Are Too Many Of Those As It Is. Just Sort Of Narcotic Books, Like My Grandmother Used To Read. They Have Value Like Paxil Has Value, But There's Plenty Of Them In The World Already. There's A Shortage Of Confronting, Stimulating, Exciting Books.

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What You Write Should Entertain You And Serve You First. Don't Worry About Maintaining Anything Beyond Your Own Attention. Focus On Exorcising Your Demons In The Work. If You Can Do That, Then You'll Succeed In The World.

We All Want To Explain Ourselves. Nobody Wants To Be Forgotten.

Game Shows Are Designed To Make Us Feel Better About The Random, Useless Facts That Are All We Have Left Of Our Education.

When Nobody Will Look At You, You Can Stare A Hole In Them. Picking Out All The Little Details You'd Never Stare Long Enough To Get If They'd Even Just Return Your Gaze, This, This Is Your Revenge.

What We Don't Understand We Can Make Mean Anything.

It's Nice To See Something More Pathetic Than I Feel Right Now.

I Could Imagine Myself Becoming One Of Marla's Stories.

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For Six Months I Couldn't Sleep. With Insomnia, Nothing's Real. Everything Is Far Away. Everything Is A Copy Of A Copy Of A Copy.

Parenthood Is The Opiate Of The Masses.

The Lower You Fall, The Higher You'll Fly. The Farther You Run, The More God Wants You Back.

The Cancer I Don't Have Is Everywhere Now.

Everything You See Is Based On Fact Of A Event Thats Already Happen, Even Light Only Travels So Fast.

For The First Time In Longer Than I Can Remember, I Feel Peaceful. Not Happy. Not Sad. Not Anxious. Not Horny. Just All The Higher Parts Of My Brain Closing Up Shop. The Cerebral Cortex. The Cerebellum. That's Where My Problem Is. I'm Now Simplifying Myself. Somewhere Balanced In The Perfect Middle Between Happiness And Sadness. Because Sponges Never Have A Bad Day.

I Didn't Use Anybody's Story. I Used The Context And The Structure Of The Situation. People Were So, So Desperate To Tell Their Story And Begin To Digest Their Experience - Like Turning It Into A Story - That After The Fist Few Weeks I Could Go With A Pad And Pencil And Take Notes. People Didn't Seem At All Bothered By That.

Ultimately, Everyone Is Acting Out Of What They Feel Is The Best Choice. In A Way, They're All Trying To Improve The World. And I Think That Those Basic Choices Make The World A Better Place.

All Object Printed: Love Me. Look Me. Million Speaking Objects,begging. Crown American Consumer With Power Of King, To Rescue Choose And Give Home Or Abandon Here For Expire.

Daytime Television, You Can Tell Who’s Watching By The Three Kinds Of Commercials. Either It’s Clinics For Drying Out Drunks. Or It’s Law Firms Who Want To Settle Injury Suits. Or It’s Schools Offering Mail-order Vocational Degrees To Make You A Bookkeeper. A Private Detective. Or A Locksmith. If You’re Watching Daytime Television, This Is Your New Demographic. You’re A Drunk. Or A Cripple. Or An Idiot.

We've Taken The World Apart But We Have No Idea What To Do With The Pieces.

No One Wants To Admit We're Addicted To Music. That's Just Not Possible. No One's Addicted To Music And Television And Radio. We Just Need More Of It, More Channels, A Larger Screen, More Volume. We Can't Bear To Be Without It, But No, Nobody's Addicted. We Could Turn It Off Anytime We Wanted. I Fit A Window Frame Into A Brick Wall. With A Little Brush, The Size For Fingernail Polish, I Glue It. The Window Is The Size Of A Fingernail. The Glue Smells Like Hair Spray. The Smell Tastes Like Oranges And Gasoline.

Some Writers Research In Order To Write. I Write In Order To Research Topics That Interest Me. Especially If I Can Meet With Other People, In Forums From Illness Support Groups To Phone-sex Hotlines, And Learn What Other People Know Best.

Some People Are Just Born Human, The Rest Of Us, We Take A Lifetime To Get There.

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I'm Sorry If This All Seems A Little Rushed And Desperate. It Is.

Sticks And Stones May Break Your Bones But Words Can Hurt Like Hell.

And It's Funny How When Somebody Saves You, The First Thing You Want To Do Is Save Other People. All Other People. Everybody. The Kid Never Knew The Man's Name. But He Never Forgot That Smile. "hero" Isn't The First Word, But It's The First Word That Comes To Mind.

Inspiration Needs Disease, Injury, Madness.

Your Birth Is A Mistake You'll Spend Your Whole Life Trying To Correct.

You Grow Up To Become Living Proof Of Your Parents' Limitations. Their Less-than Masterpiece.

I Haven't Shoplifted Since I Was 13.

We Just Had A Near-life Experience!

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Everybody Looks A Little Crazy If You're Looking Close Enough And If You Can't Look That Close, Then You Don't Really Love Them.

Even If I Overcompensate, Nobody Will Ever Want Me. Not Seth. Not My Folks. You Can’t Kiss Someone Who Has No Lips. Oh, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me, Love Me. I’ll Be Anybody You Want Me To Be

To Hell With Housework, Our Top Priority Has Always Been Between Our Legs.

Give Me Lust, Baby. Flash. Give Me Malice. Flash. Give Me Detached Existentialist Ennui. Flash. Give Me Rampant Intellectualism As A Coping Mechanism. Flash.

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Now Is The Autumn Of Our Ennui.

The Whole World Is A Disaster Waiting To Happen.

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There's A Moment In Every Book When The Book Turns And It Surprises Me.

You Have To Keep Recycling Yourself.

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Torture Is Torture And Humiliation Is Humiliation Only When You Choose To Suffer.

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Imagine How You’d Feel If Your Whole Life Turned Into A Job You Couldn’t Stand.

Without True Chaos, We Can Never Have True Peace.

Nobody Wants To Worship You If You Have The Same Problems, The Same Bad Breath And Messy Hair And Hangnails, As A Regular Person. You Have To Be Everything Regular People Aren’t. Where They Fail, You Have To Go All The Way. Be What People Are Too Afraid To Be. Become Whom They Admire. People Shopping For A Messiah Want Quality. Nobody Is Going To Follow A Loser. When It Comes To Choosing A Savior, They Won't Settle For Just A Human Being.

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I Tiger Can Smile A Snake Will Say It Loves You Lies Make Us Evil

Maybe We Have To Break Everything To Make Something Better Out Of Ourselves.

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Some Mythological Fat Asswipe Drives Our National Economy.

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What Makes Earth Feel Like Hell Is Our Expectation That It Should Feel Like Heaven.

People Who Don't Want To Get On With Their Lives, And Don't Want To Accept Responsibility For The Direction Of Their Lives Want To Hang Out With Other People Who Don't Want To Accept Responsibility Or Move On, And So You Find That Your Entire Culture Around You Are People Who Are Just Like You, Because That's What's Comforting.

With Insomnia, You're Never Really Awake; But You're Never Really Asleep.

I Learned All Those Jokes In Second Grade. Second Grade Is Really Where They Tell You Those Horrific Jokes, Racist Jokes And Misogynistic Jokes That You Have No Idea What They Mean, And You Just Memorize Them Because They Have A Very Strong Effect, They Make People Laugh In This Kind Of Nervous, Horrible Way, And It's Only Later That You Realize That You've Got A Head Full Of Crap.

When You're An Addict, You Can Go Without Feeling Anything Except Drunk Or Stoned Or Hungry. Still, When You Compare This To Other Feelings, To Sadness, Anger, Fear, Worry, Despair, And Depression, Well, An Addiction No Longer Looks So Bad. It Looks Like A Very Viable Option.

What Would Tyler Durden Do?

The Lower You Fall, The Higher You'll Fly.

Ask Yourself: What Did I Eat For Breakfast Today? What Did I Eat For Dinner Last Night? You See How Fast Reality Fades Away?

Sometimes The Past Seems Too Big For The Present To Hold.

If The Living Are Haunted By The Dead, Then The Dead Are Haunted By Their Own Mistakes.

Ever Since College, I Make Friends. They Get Married. I Lose Friends.

I Came To Party Crashing Because Accidents Happen. People You Love Will Die. Nothing You Treasure Will Last Forever. And I Need To Accept And Embrace That Fact.

But If You Tell Folks You're A College Student, Folks Are So Impressed. You Can Be A Student In Anything And Not Have To Know Anything. Just Say Toxicology Or Marine Biokinesis, And The Person You're Talking To Will Change The Subject To Himself. If This Doesn't Work, Mention The Neural Synapses Of Embryonic Pigeons.

I Spent My Life Attacking Everything Because I Was Too Afraid To Risk Creating Anything.

I'm Fascinated By The Whole Issue Of Arousal Addiction, Which Seems To Be Mostly A Problem For Young Men.

Some Stories, You Use Up. Others Use You Up.

Without Pain, Without Sacrifice We Would Have Nothing. Like The First Monkey Shot Into Space.

What Do You Do When Your Entire Identity Is Destroyed In An Instant? How Do You Cope When Your Whole Life Story Turns Out To Bw Wrong?

Here Are The Shadows Left Behind By A Thousand Moments, A Thousand Moods, Of Needs Traced Here On The Wall By Men Who Are Gone. Here Is The Record Of Their Being Here.

Some Of Us Are Lucky Enough To Fall In Love Once Or Twice But The Luckiest Of Us Are Those Who Find That Someone They Simply Can't Live Without And Have The Pleasure Of Falling In Love With Them Day In And Day Out For The Rest Of Their Lives. Relationships Aren't About Simply Falling In Love Once And Being Done With It, They're About Loving Someone Until The End Of Your Days And Growing That Love Endlessly.

Falling In Love

Some Soap Opera, You Know, Real People Pretending To Be Fake People With Made-up Problems Being Watched By Real People To Forget Their Real Problems.

We Have Pain And Hate And Love And Joy And War In The World Because We Want Them.

You Can Make Mean Anything.

It's Only In Drugs Or Death We'll See Anything New, And Death Is Just Too Controlling.

I Really Love Idiot, Enlightened Characters - These Characters Who Fail To Engage With The Drama Of Their Immediate Circumstances; They Fail To Be Reactive And Enrolled By Drama As It Happens Around Them.

If You Died Right Now, How Would You Feel About Your Life?

It's Not Enough To Be Numbered With The Grains Of Sand On The Beach And The Stars In The Sky.

In A World Where Billions Believe Their Deity Conceived A Mortal Child With A Virgin Human, It's Stunning How Little Imagination Most People Display.

To Some Of Us, The Nights Are Too Long. To Some, The Days.

Proof That No Investment Is Yours Forever.

With A Gun Barrel Between Your Teeth, You Speak Only In Vowels.

The One You Love And The One Who Loves You Are Never, Ever The Same Person.

Think Of A Rock Polisher, One Of Those Drums, Goes Round And Round, Rolls Twenty-four/seven, Full Of Water And Rocks And Gravel. Grinding It All Up. Round And Round. Polishing Those Ugly Rocks Into Gemstones. That’s The Earth. Why It Goes Around. We’re The Rocks. And What Happens To Us—the Drama And Pain And Joy And War And Sickness And Victory And Abuse—why, That’s Just The Water And Sand To Erode Us. Grind Us Down. To Polish Us Up, Nice And Bright.

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