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Talk About Yourself As Much As You Like, But Do Not Expect Others To Listen.

-Mason Cooley

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Talk About Yourself As

Mason Cooley

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Talk About Yourself As Much As You Like, But Do Not Expect Others To Listen.

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In Retirement, Only Money And Symptoms Are Consequential.

A Sympathetic Look Always Makes Me Feel Sorry For Myself.

Why Is It Forbidden In New York To Acknowledge The Charm And Beauty Of Los Angeles?

Sorrow Also Fulfills Desire. Example: The Soaps.

Lonely People Console Themselves With Self-absorption Or Curiosity.

The Cues That Arouse Desire Are Changed By Fashion, But Feel Like The Proddings Of Nature.

The Rich Are Happier Than We Are, And Should Be.

Call On Literary Convention, And It Will Gladly Tell Your Story For You.

Conventionality

Money Comes To Life As It Is Spent.

Authority Is Conferred By Position, Not Character.

Yearning Wants Mostly To Perpetuate Itself.

Leisure Unmasks Our Weaknesses.

When Love Ends, The Beloved Is No Longer Standing On A Pedestal, But In A Hole.

People Often Are Unsure Whether Or Not They Are In Love, But They Generally Know Whether Or Not They Are Having Sex.

Without The Blessing Of Cowardice, The World Would Long Since Have Been Torn To Bits.

Men And Women Would Be Even More Unhappy If They Really Understood One Another.

Most People See No Reason To Stop Arguing Just Because An Issue Has Been Decided.

Spirituality Now Wanders From Sex To Drugs To Art To Revolution To Violence--whatever Seems To Promise Deliverance From The Quotidian.

Wisdom Knows When To Return Death's Embrace.

The Older We Become, The More Certain Our Future.

I Did Not Know I Was In My Prime Until Afterwards.

If You Do Not Throw In A Few Promises Of Better Things To Come, Gloomy One, I Am Going To Take You Back To The Library.

Indifference Creates An Artificial Peace.

Consciousness Is Our Only Reprieve From Time.

Comedy Distances Pain, But Leaves Signs Of It Everywhere.

Sometimes I Dread Loneliness More Than Bores. Other Times, The Reverse.

Rage Is Exciting, But Leaves Me Confused And Exhausted.

Worrying Is As Futile As Boredom, But Harder Work.

Literary Tradition Is Full Of Lies About Poverty-the Jolly Beggar, The Poor But Happy Milkmaid, The Wholesome Diet Of Porridge, Etc.

Those Who Follow Where Their Genitals Lead Them Often Wind Up In Tedious Company.

Avant-garde Art Jousts With Propriety, But Takes Care Never To Unseat It.

Retirement Is A One-way Trip To Insignificance.

The Powerless Worship Luck And Fate.

Beauty And Virtue: The Most Kissable Ass In The World Is No Guarantee Of Good Intentions.

Infallibility And Invincible Ignorance Are The Same Thing.

Universal Truths Have Become An Embarrassment, But They Won't Quite Go Away.

Most Of My Decisions In Life Seem Absent-minded But Inevitable.

In New York, Pretending To Be Above The Struggle Means No Seat On The Bus And A Table Next To The Kitchen.

Arrogance Rides Triumphantly Through The Gates, Barely Glancing At The Old Woman About To Cut The Rope And Spring Shut The Trap.

True Wit Has A Grave Intention.

I Pursue Pleasure, But Stingily, Suspiciously.

Self-righteous Victims Invite Extra Nails.

The Power Of Lying Is Much Less Than The Power Of What Is Not To Be Discussed.

Now Defined As Art, The Totem Has Lost Cult, Taboo, And Custom.

The Nature Of Language May Determine What Most People Say, But I Always Speak My Own Meaning.

The Tranquility Of My Room Partakes Too Much Of Forest Lawn.

I'm Being Treated Like A Sex Object, Cried The Lady. No Matter. I Will Take Care Of It, Said Time Soothingly.

Procrastination And Impatience Form A System Of Checks And Balances.

Procrastination

Some Marriages Depend On Domestic Arguments The Way The Courts Depend On Litigation.

Belief Forages, Moving From Pasture To Pasture.

Neat Trick: To Be Roused To Ambition And Reconciled To One's Mediocrity At The Same Time.

Death Is Frightening, And So Is Eternal Life.

The Facts, Even The Real Ones, Must Be Imagined Before They Can Be Stated.

Talent Shuffles The Deck. Genius Brings A New Deck.

Lawyers May Reason Powerfully, But Power Settles Most Issues.

Writers Tell More Truths, And More Lies, Than Most.

Intelligence In Isolation Turns To Aimless Marauding.

Promiscuity Turns Sex Into A Sport, Like Arm-wrestling.

Your Words And My Words Are The Same, But Not Our Meaning.

I Am Interested In A Hundred Things, But Only Slightly.

Old Photograph: Amid The Set Poses Of Her Family, A Young Girl Smiles And Raises Her Hand A Little.

The Banker Rubs His Nose, Thinking Of His Cat Stalking Something On The Lawn.

Whether I Give To A Beggar Or Not, His Existence Puts Me In The Wrong.

I Really Like Life, Don't You? There's Nothing Else Quite Like It.

In New Situations, I Look Carefully At Appearances. In Familiar Ones, I Glance.

Cats Are Inquisitive, But Hate To Admit It.

Reading Civilized The Inner Life.

A Sentimental Aphorism Is Even More A Surprise Than A Hard- Boiled Sonnet.

The Ninety Percent Of Human Experience That Does Not Fit Into Established Narrative Patterns Falls Into Oblivion.

Some Subjects Come Up Suddenly In Our Speech And Cannot Be Silenced.

The Beginning, Middle, And End Are Parodied, Reversed, And Hidden By Modernism, But Not Abandoned.

Beginning Middle And End

At Sixty, I Would Like To Give My Future Back Its Vistas Of Uncertainty.

My Intentions Go One Way, My Desires Another. Thus I Feel Both Self-indulgent And Deprived.

The Aphorism Sometimes Casts Off Cynicism And Expresses Strong Feeling.

To Appear Well Dressed, Be Skinny And Tall.

I Am Often Attracted To People With Whom I Could Not Hold A Five Minute Conversation.

Emblem: The Carapace Of The Great Crowned Snail Is Painted With All The Flags Of The United Nations.

Suspicion Is The Beginning Of Wisdom, And Of Madness.

While There's Life, There's Fear.

A Moment Of Eloquence Enthralls Us. An Hour's Worth Leaves Us Stupefied.

Self-pity Makes People Callous.

Thrift Is An Attractive Idea Until You Get Down To Specifics.

Moderation Shifts When Extremes Do.

Laughter And Tears May Not Persuade, But They Cannot Be Refuted.

The Psychiatrist's Office: The Only Place I Can Be Sure My Story Will Be Treated As Sad, But Interesting.

Jealousy Is Inconsolable Because It Cannot Know The Beloved

The Simple Life Is Not A Simple Life.

Critics Are More Committed To The Rules Of Art Than Artists Are.

Affection Reproaches, But Does Not Denounce.

To Make A Thought My Own, I Must Think It Often.

As A Comforter, Philosophy Cannot Compete With A Good Dinner.

We Understand Through Resemblance.

My Mind Is Led Astray By Every Faint Rustle.

Memory Is Imagination Pinned Down.

A Crisis Unmasks Everyone.

Logic And Fact Keep Interfering With The Easy Flow Of Conversation.

Rage Against The World, If You Like, But Quietly, Or The Guardians Will Awake.

Placing The Extraordinary At The Center Of The Ordinary, As Realism Does, Is A Great Comfort To Us Stay-at-homes.

If You Belong To The Underclass, You Are Already Guilty.

Old Age Learns About Less After A Lifetime Of More.

Only The Strong And The Hopeful Are Able To Revolt.

To Avoid Eye Contact, Kiss.

Mistakes Are The Only Universal Form Of Originality.

I Alternate Between Reading Cook Books And Reading Diet Books.

Astrology: Do We Make A Hullabaloo Among The Stars, Or Do They Make A Hullabaloo Down Here?

Only The Most Lucid Can See Their Love As Comedy.

I Do Not Remember Joy Or Sorrow In Childhood, But Listening For Clues.

Repetition Comforts Me For A Time, Then Closes In.

Fastidious Taste Makes Enjoyment A Struggle.

The Noisy Vacancy Of Youth, The Quiet Vacancy Of Age.

Wisdom Has Lost Repute Because It So Often Applies To A State Of Affairs That No Longer Exists.

As Soon As I Hear Of A Right, I Want It.

Suffering Teaches Us Only That We Suffer. Joy Shows Us Which Way To Go.

The Aphorism Wants To Be At The Same Time Both Main Line And Off Beat.

Money Is To My Social Existence What Health Is To My Body.

Attacking A Belief Can Be The First Step Toward Embracing It.

Excuses Change Nothing, But Make Everyone Feel Better.

Mortality: Not Acquittal But A Series Of Postponements Is What We Hope For.

You Are So Tactful That I Have No Idea What You Want.

Style Disdains Comfort And Is Always Ready To Sacrifice Virtue.

If Beggars Do Not Hate The Rest Of Us, They Are Even More Abject Than I Had Imagined.

God Improvises. Man Systematizes.

Lechery Is Secretive, But Must Finally Reveal Itself To At Least One.

The Real Reality Is Always Just Around The Corner.

Around The Corner

Street Sign: Ho Hum Road & Easy Street In Retirement, I Look For Days Off From My Days Off.

In Describing Someone's Character, I Reveal My Own.

Violence Stops Thought. Hence Its Popularity As A Pain-killer.

The Sewing Machine Joins What The Scissors Have Cut Asunder, Plus Whatever Else Comes In Its Path.

Failure Makes Us Envious. Success Makes Us Greedy.

The Higher The Moral Tone, The More Suspect The Speaker.

Once Wealth And Beauty Are Gone, There Is Always Rural Life.

People Who Abhor Solitude May Abhor Company Almost As Much.

After Voltaire: Envy Is Chained To The Portico Of The Temple Of Glory And Can Neither Enter Nor Leave.

Magic Lives In Curves, Not Angles.

Dogs Often Remind Us Of The Human, Ail-too Human. Cats, Never.

Well-behaved: He Always Speaks As If His Mother Might Be Listening.

Revenge Is Sweet But Not Nourishing.

Revenge Is Sweet

Magic Trick: To Make People Disappear, Ask Them To Fulfill Their Promises.

Lovers Always Believe One Another's Sleight-of-hand Tricks.

Politicians Love Change, But Of Details Only.

Prudence Does Not Save Us, But Shows Us Pictures Of Our Destroyers.

Stupidity Is A Fact Of Life, But Unmentionable. The New Prudery.

Worried About Being A Dull Fellow? You Might Develop Your Talent For Being Irritating.

A Free Spirit Must Be Able To Surmount Anxiety Time After Time.

In Youth, Love And Art. In Age, Investments And Antiques.

Tolerance Is A Placid Contempt.

Reputation Runs Behind The Current State Of Affairs.

Cruelty Is Softened By Fear, Not Pity.

Boredom Is The Only Sure Cure For Neurosis.

If Modesty Disappeared, So Would Exhibitionism.

Excrement Can Never Be Culturally Elaborated To The Extent That Nutriment Can.

City People Make Most Of The Fuss About The Charms Of Country Life.

Complainers Change Their Complaints, But They Never Reduce The Amount Of Time Spent In Complaining.

Sacred Texts Always Offend Reason.

Sexual Boredom Is Ousting Sexual Deviance As The Problem.

A: Everything Changes. B: But Not Enough.

The Young Have Stolen Our Youthfulness, And Flaunt It Without Shame.

The Avant-garde Is Now Stranded In The Past.

Boredom Turns To Panic If My Beloved Leaves Before The Usual Time.

History Takes Place Between The Fall And The Apocalypse, With A Narrow Escape Route Called Salvation.

Imagination Awakens Ambition, Then Causes It To Lose Its Way.

We Take Refuge In Illness And Then Are Trapped There.

I Read Less And Less. I Have Not Forgiven Books For Their Failure To Tell Me The Truth And Make Me Happy.

After Desolation, Grief Brings Back Our Humanity.

An Aphorism That Does Not Score Is Just One More Sentence.

Beautiful People Are Forgiven More Often Than The Rest.

The Harp Is An Insipid Instrument--no Good For Dancing, Feasting, Or Marching, Only For Sitting Primly In A Parlor Or On A Cloud.

It Is Possible To Interpret Without Observing, But Not To Observe Without Interpreting.

An Academic Dialect Is Perfected When Its Terms Are Hard To Understand And Refer Only To One Another.

Modern Pictures Banish Depiction For Interfering With The Workings Of Paint.

Passion Impels Our Deeds; Ideology Supplies The Explanations.

Carnal Knowledge Is As Forgettable As The Other Kinds.

Carnal Knowledge

The Discontented Believe That Their Regrets Are About The Past.

I Reject All Evidence That My Fabulous Beloved Is An Ordinary Person Who Worries, Watches Tv, And Has Bouts Of Indigestion.

An Illicit Love Affair Seems Sweetly Old-fashioned In The Age Of One Night Stands And Orgies.

When A Man Bores A Woman, She Complains. When A Woman Bores A Man, He Ignores Her.

Sign At The Orgy: Bodies Only.

Pity Drowns In Numbers.

No Need To Be Sentimental To Mourn The Loss Of Paradise.

If Success Is A Habit, It Is A Hard One To Acquire.

Congratulations

Eccentricity: Strength Of Character Doubling Back On Itself.

Strength Of Character

The Aphorism Is A Slippery Plaything.

Money: Power At Its Most Liquid.

Good Advice Is Never As Helpful As An Interest-free Loan.

Intelligence Is Predatory, But Full Of Fastidiousness And Frights.

Shaw Writes As If It Were Always Midday.

To Make Advice Agreeable, Try Paradox Or Rhyme.

Unlike The Ambiguity Of Life, The Ambiguity Of Language Does Reach A Limit.

Three People Marooned On A Desert Island Would Soon Reinvent Politics.

I Wish You Joy Of Your Unhappiness, Since You Cling To It So.

Deconstruction: Peering Suspiciously At The Text, I Wait For It To Make A Slip And Betray Itself.

King Kong, Count Dracula, And The Phantom Of The Opera Are Just Looking For Love, Like The Rest Of Us.

I Resist Change Even As I Call For It.

A Modest Demeanor Arouses Thoughts Of Seduction.

Youth Demands More Than Ordinary Life. Age Clings To It.

Great Talkers Do Not Stop For Breath, And Never Look At The Clock.

Young Poets Bewail The Passing Of Love; Old Poets, The Passing Of Time. There Is Surprisingly Little Difference.

My Mother's Mild-eyed Sadness Looks At Me From The Eyes Of Those I Love.

All The Powers Of Imagination Combine In Hypochondria.

Power Of Imagination

Theory Now: Concern For Truth Must Not Hobble Our Discussion.

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