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Some People, They Can't Just Move On, You Know, Mourn And Cry And Be Done With It. Or At Least Seem To Be. But For Me... I Don't Know. I Didn't Want To Fix It, To Forget. It Wasn't Something That Was Broken. It's Just...something That Happened. And Like That Hole, I'm Just Finding Ways, Every Day, Of Working Around It. Respecting And Remembering And Getting On At The Same Time.

-Sarah Dessen

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Some People, They Can't

Sarah Dessen

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Some People, They Can't Just Move On, You Know, Mourn And Cry And Be Done With It. Or At Least Seem To Be. But For Me... I Don't Know. I Didn't Want To Fix It, To Forget. It Wasn't Something That Was Broken. It's Just...something That Happened. And Like That Hole, I'm Just Finding Ways, Every Day, Of Working Around It. Respecting And Remembering And Getting On At The Same Time.

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I Thought Of All The Times We'd Been Together, How I Kept Coming Closer, Then Retreating, While He Stayed Right Where He Was. A Constant In A World Where Few, If Any, Really Existed.

There's Something Nice About The Silence Of A Car Ride In The Dark, Going Home. When You Were Tired Of The Radio And Conversation, And It Was Okay To Just Be Alone With Your Thoughts And The Road Ahead. If You're That Comfortable With Someone, You Don't Have To Talk.

Oh For God's Sake,' Heather Said, 'i Wish You Two Would Just Go Out, Fail Miserably As A Couple, And Get It Over With.

Everything Always Gets Crazy At The End. You Just Have To Keep Going, Regardless Of How Awful It Gets. So That's What I Do.

I'd Known Enough People For Every Minute Of The Day, And Yet Still Didn't Have Anyone As My Two A.m.

Doesn't It Seem Sometimes That The Whole World's Uphill But At Least We Know The Way Back Will Be Easy.

So Much Had Happened That Morning. Yet It Was This Image, This Moment, That I Kept Going Back To Hours Later, After We'd Made It Safely To The Walkway And Gone Our Separate Ways To Classes. How It Felt To Have The World Moving Beneath Me, A Hand Gripping Mine, Knowing If I Fell, At Least I Wouldn't Do It Alone.

I Always Wrote About Girls That Went To The Beach And Had That Summer That Changed Everything. So I Was Interested In What It Would Be Like To Live In A Tourist Town Where Everyone Has These Life Changing Experiences, But Your Whole Life Is There.

It's Not Always Easy Being Her Daughter.' I Think,' She Said, 'sometimes It's Hard No Matter Whose Daughter You Are.

This Is Personal, She'd Said. Real. This Moment Was Too, Even If You Couldn't See It At First Glance. It Was Fake On The Outside, But So True Within. You Only Had To Look, Really Look To Tell.

The Bottom Line Is, What Defines You Isn't How Many Times You Crash, But The Number Of Times You Get Back On The Bike. As Long As It's One More. You're All Good.

It's Always Very Pure, That Last Moment Before An Ugly, Unsettling Truth Hits Someone. The Most Stark Of Before-and-afters.

I've Always Written In First Person. It Gives The Readers More Insight.

I Had To Wonder Whether It Was Possible That This Wasn’t Already Decided For Me, And If Maybe, Just Maybe, This Was My One Last Chance To Try And Prove It. There Was No Way To Know. There Never Is. But I Reached Out And Took It Anyway.

Everyone Had A Forever.

The Best Gifts Come From The Heart, Not The Store.

Macon: “it’s True. And If That Doesn’t Work, Use The Jedi Mind Trick. But Only If You Really Have To.” Halley: “the What?” Macon: “the Jedi Mind Trick.” He Looked At Me. “didn’t You Ever See Star Wars?

Well, It's True That I Have Been Hurt In My Life. Quite A Bit. But It's Also True That I Have Loved, And Been Loved. And That Carries A Weight Of Its Own. A Greater Weight, In My Opinion. It's Like That Pie Chart We Talked About Earlier. In The End, I'll Look Back On My Life And See That The Greatest Piece Of It Was Love. The Problems, The Divorces, The Sadness... Those Will Be There Too, But Just Smaller Slivers, Tiny Pieces.

Let Me Guess,” Eli Said, His Voice That Low, Even Timbre, As Always. “drinking From Kegs Also Falls Under Outdoor Activity.” I Just Looked At Him, Standing There In Jeans And The Same Blue Hoodie He’d Had On The First Time I Met Him. Maybe It Was The Embarrassment, Which Had Been Bad Enough Before I Had An Audience, But I Was Instantly Annoyed. I Said, “are We Outside?” He Glanced Round, As If Needing To Confirm This. “nope.” “then No.” I Turned My Attention Back To The Keg.

You, Have This Whole Tall, Dark Stranger Thing Going On. Not To Mention The Tortured Artist Bit. And You, Have That Whole Blonde Cool And Collected Perfect Smart Thing Going On. You're The Boy All The Girls Want To Rebel With. You, Are The Unattainable Girl In Homeroom Who Never Gives A Guy The Time Of Day.

I Think Having A Good Agent Is Key. I've Been With Mine For Ten Years Now, And She's Very Honest With Me. There Are A Lot Of Times I've Sent Her Books That Were Not So Good Because I Was Tired Of Writing, Or Panicked About Money, And She's Told Me Flat Out, "you Don't Want This To Be Your Next Book. Trust Me."

Watching Him, I Thought, Not For The First Time That Night, That Maybe It Should Have Felt Strange To Be With Him, Here, Now. And Yet It Didn’t, At All. That Was One Of The Things About The Night. Stuff That Would Be Weird In The Bright Light Of Day Just Wasn’t So Much Once You Passed A Certain Hour. It Was Like The Dark Just Evened It All Out Somehow.

I Write Thank-you Notes The Minute I Throw The Wrapping Paper Away.

This Was Our Common Ground, The Secret We Shared But Never Spoke Aloud.

That Was The Thing. You Just Never Knew. Forever Was So Many Different Things. It Was Always Changing, It Was What Everything Was Really All About.

Truth About Forever

You Can't Act Like You Care About Someone But Not Let Them Care About You.

Cares About Someone

Let's Just Start And See What Happens.

I Just Do The Best I Can Under The Circumstances.

I Remembered Owen Telling Me How Music Had Saved Him In Phoenix, That It Drowned Everything Out, And It Was The Same For Me Now. As Long As I Had Something To Listen To, I Could Blur The Things I Didn't Want To Think About, If Not Block Them Out Completely.

It Was A Basic Plot In Any Number Of Her Books: Girl Strikes Out, Makes Good, Finds Love, Gets Revenge. In That Order. The Making Good And Striking Out Part I Liked. The Rest Would Just Be Bonus.

What," I Said, "is That A Crime Here Or Something? Like Only Buying One Thing At The Gas/gro?

I Paused, Only Just Now Realizing That The Subject Was Hitting A Little Close To Home. "you Know, Getting Hurt. Putting Herself Out There, Opening Up To Someone." Yeah," He Said Adding Some Cheese Straws To The Cart, "but Risk Is Just Part Of Relationships. Sometimes They Work, Sometimes They Don't." I Picked Up A Box Of Cheese Straws, Examining It. "yeah," I Said. "but It's Not All About Chance, Either.

Looking At Her, I Thought Again How Beautiful She Was - Even In Jeans And A T-shirt, No Makeup, She Was Breathtaking. So Much So That It Was Hard To Believe She Could Ever Have Looked At Herself And Seen Anything Else.

Donneven, Bettaquit And Mmmhmmmm

Everything, In The End, Comes Down To Timing. One Second, One Minute, One Hour Could Make All The Difference.

Call It Chicken Salad

But Risk Is Just Part Of Relationships. Sometimes They Work, Sometimes They Don't.

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If You Expect The Worst, You'll Never Be Disappointed.

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I Seriously Doubt That The Santa Police Do An Underwear Check." -cora

But There Was Only One Truth About Forever That Really Mattered, And That Was This: It Was Happening.

Truth About Forever

I Think If You're Going To Show A True Representation Of Any One Life, It Can't Be About Any One Thing. I Try To See More Of A Full Picture, With The Romance Just A Single Part.

Like Life Isn't Complicated Enough. You Should At Least Be Able To Follow The Signs.

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She Said Writting Novels Was Like Childbirth: If You Truly Remembered How Awful It Got, You'd Never Do It Again.

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Because You Can Never Go From Going Out To Being Friends, Just Like That. It's A Lie. It's Just Something That People Say They'll Do To Take The Permanence Out Of A Breakup. And Someone Always Takes It To Mean More Than It Does, And Then Is Hurt Even More When, Inevitably, Said ‘friendly' Relationship Is Still A Major Step Down From The Previous Relationship, And It's Like Breaking Up All Over Again. But Messier.

If You Were Dead," Owen Told Her, "you'd Have Bigger Problems Than What You Were Wearing.

Bigger Problems

"look," I Said, "we Knew Jason And Becky Would Be Back, The Break Would End. This Isn't A Surprise, It's What's Supposed To Happen. It's What We Wanted. Right?" "is It?" He Asked. "is It What You Want?" Whether He Intended It To Be Or Not, This Was The Final Question, The Last Truth. If I Said What I Really Thought, I Was Opening Myself Up For A Hurt Bigger Than I Could Even Imagine. I Didn't Have It In Me. We Changed And Altered So Many Rules, But It Was This One, The Only One When We'd Started, That I Would Break. "yes," I Said.

And Like My Dad Always Said, The First Step Is Always The Hardest.

Each Time, I Think I'm Never Going To Write Another Book. It Never Gets Easier.

I Was Woundering What He Would Say, What Word Could Sum Me Up Right Then, When I Saw The Lights Come Across His Face, Blaringly Yellow, And Suddenly He Was Brighter, And Brighter, And I Asked Him What Was Happening, What Was Wrong. I Remember Only That Light, So Strong It Spilled Across My Shoulders, And Lit Up His Face, And How Scared He Looked As Something Big And Loud Hit My Door, Sending Glass Shattering Across Me, Little Sparks Catching The Light Like Diamonds, As They Fell, With Me, Into The Dark.

Everyone Has Their Weak Spot. The One Thing That, Despite Your Best Efforts, Will Always Bring You To Your Knees, Regardless Of How Strong You Are Otherwise.

Okay," I Said, "what's Your Biggest Fear?" As Always, He Took A Second To Think About The Answer. "clowns," He Said. "clowns." "yup." I Just Looked At Him. "what?" He Said, Glancing Over At Me. "that Is Not A Real Answer," I Told Him. "says Who?" "says Me. I Meant A Real Fear, Like Of Failure, Of Death, Of Regret. Like That. Something That Keeps You Awake Nights, Questioning Your Very Existence." He Thought For A Second. "clowns.

That Was The Thing About Being On The Inside: The World Was Just Going On, Even When It Seemed Like Time For You Had Stopped For Good.

Teaching Was Great For Me, Because I Got To Show People How Writing Can Really Change The Way You See Not Only Yourself But The World.

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Hey, Think Fast!' I Just Looked At Fave As He Chucked The Basketball At Me With Possibly The Worst Overhand Throw I'd Ever Seen. It Landed To My Far Right, Then Bounced Past Me, Banging Against My Dad's Truck. 'do You Have A Vision Problem Of Something?' I Asked Him. 'just Keeping You On Your Toes,' He Replied

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Sometimes Really, Really Bad Things Happen To People, And There Is No Explanation And No Reason Whatsoever.

You Should Never Be Surprised When Someone Treats You With Respect, You Should Expect It.

Sometimes Love Can Be An Ugly Thing.

I Turned And Looked Into The Gas Station, Where Wes Was Now Paying, As The Man Who'd Driven Us Looked On. "that's Too Bad," I Said. "it's Okay, Though," She Assured Me. "someday I'll Show You An Extraordinary Boy, Macy. They Do Exist. You Just Have To Believe Me." "don't Worry," I Said. "i Do.

Because Maybe, The Best Of Times Were Yet To Come. You Never Knew.

In Anger Management,' He Said,'we Had To Do All This Role-playing Stuff. You Know, To Get Used To Handling Things In A Less Volatile Way.' 'you Role-played,' I Said, Trying To Picture This. 'i Had To. It Was Court-ordered.

Told You. Everything Sounds Better In The Car Wash.

Wes Wants To Be With Macy. And Macy, Whether She'll Admit It Or Not, Wants To Be With Wes. And Yet They're Not Together, Which Is Not Only Unjust, But When You Think About It, Tragical!

But It Was Important To Simply Be Sought, Even If You Didn‟t Ever Want To Be Found.

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The First Thing I Did When I Got Inside Was Turn On The Kitchen Light. Then I Moved To The Table, Putting My Dad's Ipod On The Speaker Dock, And A Bob Dylan Song Came On, The Notes Familiar. I Went Into The Living Room, Hitting The Switch There, Then Down The Hallway To My Room, Where I Did The Same. It Was Amazing What A Little Noise And Brightness Could Do To A House And A Life, How Much The Smallest Bit Of Each Could Change Everything. After All These Years Of Just Passing Through, I Was Beginning To Finally Feel At Home.

Her Life Was Perfect. But As Was Often The Case, The Rest Of Us Were Still Adjusting.

I Think Part Of The Problem Sometimes Is That There's So Much Happening In My Books, To Whittle It Down Into A Single Script Is Hard.

All I'd Wanted For So Long Was For Someone To Explain Everything That Had Happened To Me In This Same Way. To Label It Neatly On A Page: This Leads To This Leads To This.

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Outside, The Ocean Was Crashing, Waves Hitting Sand, Then Pulling Back To Sea. I Thought Of Everything Being Washed Away, Again And Again. We Make Such Messes In This Life, Both Accidentally And On Purpose. But Wiping The Surface Clean Doesn't Really Make Anything Neater. It Just Masks What Is Below. It's Only When You Really Dig Down Deep, Go Underground, That You Can See Who You Really Are.

So I Learned Another System: When In Doubt, Keep It Out – Out Of Earshot, Out Of The House – Even If This Meant, Really, Just Keeping It In.

I Feel Like Twitter Was Tailor-made For Me, Because I Can Do Short Spurts All Day Long. I Loved My Blog, But Doing Daily, Then Thrice Weekly Entries Was Really Time Consuming. 140 Characters Is Perfect.

I Hoped This Was True. Even If It Wasn‟t, All I Could Do Was Hand Over What I Could, With The Hope Of Something In Return. But Of Course, This Was Easier Said Than Done.

That Was The Nice Thing About The Spot: You Could Hear Everything, But No One Could See You.

What Do You Do When You Finally Hear Everything You've Always Thought Said Aloud?

Eventually, It Wasn't Even Your Dad I Wanted, Just Anybody. Anybody At All.

I Think I'm Too Lazy A Writer To Do Something Like Historical Fiction. You Have To Do So Much Research. I Just Write What I Know.

I'm Sorry," I Heard Him Say Again. Then, Out Of The Corner Of My Eye, I Saw A Sudden Blur Of Movement As He Slid Out Of His Seat, Left Some Bills For The Breakfast He Wouldn't Eat, And Walked Away. And As He Did, I Thought Again Of Those Mornings In The Hallway At School, Way Back In Ninth Grade. Everything Had Started In Such Sharp Detail, Each Aspect Pronounced And Clear. Obviously, Endings Were Different. Harder To See, Full Of Shapes That Could Be One Thing Or Another, With All The Things That You Were Once So Sure Of Suddenly Not Familiar, If They Were Even Recognizable At All.

It Took A Lot Of Work To Be Perfect. If You Didn’t Want To Break A Sweat, There Was No Point In Even Bothering.

You Get What You Give, But Also What You're Willing To Take. The Night Before, I'd Offered Up My Hand. Now, If I Held On, There Was No Telling What It Was Possible To Recieve In Return.

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You Know The Minute You Stop Thinking About It, It'll Happen.

Grieving Doesn't Make You Imperfect. It Makes You Human.

Even If You Couldn't See It Beneath The Surface, Molecules Were Bonding, Energy Pushing Up Slowly, As Something Worked Do Hare, All Alone To Grow.

As If It Didnt Matter What Was On, But Instead How Hard I Was Listening.

I Didn't Trot My Pain Out To Show Around. I Kept It Better Hidden Than Anyone. I Did.

I've Given Lots Of People Chances. But There's Only So Much Faith You Can Have In People.

It's Just That...i Just Think That Some Things Are Meant To Be Broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's The Universe's Way Of Providing Contrast, You Know? There Have To Be A Few Holes In The Road. It's How Life Is.

Can She Be Divorced?" I Asked. "and Famous For Her Commercials And Ideas?" She Can Be Anything," Boo Told Me, And This Is What I Remember Most, Her Freckled Face So Solemn, As If She Knew She Was The First To Tell Me. "and So Can You.

Pretend To Be A Delinquent?" I Asked Clarifying. "you Can Do It," Dave Advised Me. "just Don't Smile, And Try To Look Like You're Considering Stealing Something.

Whenever You Made A Choice, Especially One You'd Been Resisting, It Always Affected Everything Else, Some In Big Ways, Like A Tremor Beneath Your Feet, Others In So Tiny A Shift You Hardly Noticed A Change At All. But It Was Happening.

There Was Only So Much Space Between Us, Not Even A Real Distance If Measured In Miles Or Feet Or Even Inches, All The Things That Told You How Far You'd Come Or Had Left To Go. But It Was A Big Space, If Only For Me. And As I Moved Forward To Him Covering It, He Waited There On The Other Side. It Was Only The Last Little Bit I Has To Go, But In The End, I Knew It Would Be All I Would Truly Remember. So As I Kissed Him, Bringing This Summer And Everything Else Full Circle, I Let Myself Fall, And Was Not Scared Of The Ground I Knew Would Rise Up To Meet Me.

I Eased Back On My Elbows, Tilting My Head Back To Look Up At The Sky, Which Was Pinkish, Streaked With Red. This Was The Time We Knew Best, That Stretch Of Day Going From Dusk To Dark. It Seemed Like We Were Always Waiting For Nighttime Here. I Could Feel The Trampoline Easing Up And Down, Moved By Our Own Breathing, Bringing Us In Small Increments Up And Back From The Sky As The Colors Faded, Slowly, And The Stars Began To Show Themselves.

N The Dark Everyone Felt The Same: The Edges Blurred. When I Think Of Myself Then, What I Was Like Two Years Ago, I Feel Like A Wound In A Bad Place, Prone To Be Bumped On Corners Or Edges. Never Able To Heal.

I Wanted To Tell Him So. Find The Right Words, String Them Together In The Ideal Way, Knowing That Here They Would Have The Best Chance Of Sounding Perfect.

Because You Have To Just Go With The Flow. Your Life Is Not Your Own, With People Coming In And Out All The Time. You Get Mellow Because You Have To.

After All, It's All Kinds Of Things That Make Up A Life, Right? The Big, Like Falling In Love And Spending Time With Your Family, And The Little....like Blow Drying Your Hair, Applying Concealer, And Cursing Those Magazine Inserts. It All Counts. It Has To.

Falling In Love

But You Could Also Look At It The Other Way. Like You’re Saying No Matter How Bad Things Are For You, I Can Still Relate.

Don't Give Me No Rotten Tomato, 'cause All I Ever Wanted Was Your Sweet Potato.

How Fast Were You?" Wes Asked Me. I Said, "not That Fast." "you Mean You Couldn't... Fly?" He Said, Smiling At Me.

If What You're Asking Is How I Debated Whether Or Not To Love Her The Answer Is I Didn't. Not At All. It Just Happened. I Didn't Ever Question It; By The Time I Realized What Was Happening, It Was Already Done.

You Just Had To Know Where To Look.

You Couldn't See The Key Around My Neck: It Hung Too Low Under Both Collars. But If I Leaned In Close, I Could Make It Out, Buried Deep Beneath. Out Of Sight, Hard To Recognize, But Still Able To Be Found, Even If I Was The Only One To Ever Look For It.

You Bought Me Some Forks. And Knives. And Spoons. Because You Love Me!

Look, The Point Is There's No Way To Be A Hundred Percent Sure About Anyone Or Anything. So You're Left With A Choice. Either Hope For The Best Or Just Expect The Worst.

Silence Is So Freaking Loud

When You Can't Save Yourself Or Your Heart, It Helps To Be Able To Save Face.

If There's One Thing I've Learned In The Last Few Months, It's That Sometimes You Just Have To Close Your Eyes And Jump.

Total Commitment. You Know, The Idea Of Discovering Something That, For All Intents And Purposes, Goes Against Your Abilities, And Yet Still Deciding To Do It Anyway. That Takes Guts, You Know?

I Was Beginning To See, Though, That The Unknown Wasn't Always The Greatest Thing To Fear. The People Who Know You Best Can Be Risker, Because The Words They Say And Things They Think Have The Potential To Be Not Only Scary But True, As Well.

It Was So Weird, Because Usually I Was Totally Nervous Talking To Guys. But Eli Was Different. He Made Me Want To Say More, Not Less. Which Was Maybe Not A Good Thing.

My First Signing Was At My Hometown Independent Bookstore And Everyone In The World Came. It Was So Nice. My Family Was There, My Parents, Everybody I Worked With, All My Friends. So I Had This Great First Reading With A Like Hundred People There.

If You Could Just Be Nice, Then You Wouldn't Have To Worry About Arguments At All. But Being Nice Wasn't As Easy As It Seemed, Especially When The Rest Of The World Could Be So Mean.

You Didn't Have To Take A Punch For Me, You Know,' He Said. 'i'm A Lover, Not A Fighter.' 'you're A Freak Is What You Are,' I Said. He Stuck Out His Hand. 'come On, Slugger. Walk With Me. You Know You Want To.' And The Thing Was, Despite Everything I Knew-that It Was A Mistake, That He Was Different From The Others-i Did. How He Knew That, I Had No Idea. But I Got Up And Did It Anyway.

If Nothing Else, Now We Knew Where To Find Each Other, Even If Only Time Would Tell If Either Of Us Would Ever Come Looking.

And Don't Change For A Guy, Ever," Leah Added. "if They're Worthy, They'll Like You Just The Way You Are.

Like I, Of All People, Didn't Know Better Than To Lead A Total Stranger To The Point Where They Could Hurt Me Most, Knowing How Easily They'd Be Able To Find Their Way Back To It.

But In The Real World, You Couldnt Really Just Split A Family Down The Middle, Mom On One Side, Dad The Other, With The Child Equally Divided Between. It Was Like When You Ripped A Piece Of Paper Into Two: No Matter How You Tried, The Seams Never Fit Exactly Right Again. It Was What You Couldn't See, Those Tiniest Of Pieces, That Were Lost In The Severing, And Their Absence Kept Everything From Being Complete.

It's Hard To Do," I Said. Wes Looked At Me. "what Is?" I Swallowed, Not Sure Why I'd Said This Out Loud. "get It Right.

Says The Girl With No Thyme.

He Wasn't What I'd Thought He Was; Maybe He Never Had Been. I Wasn't What I'd Thought I Was, Either.

I Was Actually Pretty Miserable In High School. I Couldn't Wait For It To Be Over. And When It Finally Was, I Remember Sitting At Graduation With All These Classmates Getting Nostalgic And Emotional Already And All I Could Think Was, "get Me Out Of Here. I Never Want To See You People Again." So It's Ironic That I Spend Half My Day Putting Myself Back There By Choice [while Writing].

Listen,"kristy Said," The Truth Is,nothing Is Guranteed. You Know Better Than Anybody." She Looked At Me Hard,making Sure I Knew What She Meant.i Did."so Don't Be Afraid.be Alive.

I'd Learn That It's Not Just Where You Go, But How You Choose To Get There. So I Pulled That Sign Off The Green Bike - Enjoy Your Ride! - And Went Inside To Take The First Step Toward Doing Just That.

"i Just Don't Know," I Said, My Voice Sounding Bumby, Not Like Mine, "how Do You Help Someone Who Doesn't Want Your Help. What Do You Do When You Can't Do Anything?"

My Sister, Who Never Understood Most Of The Things I Wanted Her To, Might Have Been Able To Understand What Had Happened To Me In This Summer Of Weddings And Beginnings. And She Was Right. The First Boy Was Always The Hardest.

Quiet And Incredible. I Really Envy That.

And Always Remember How Much Your Crazy Sister Loves You.

We Didn't Talk About Our Scars, The Ones You Could See And The Ones You Couldn't.

A Thump Thump Thump Noise That Was So Unfamiliar, And Yet I Couldn't Quite Place It. But I Knew It. It Was - "mmm-hmmm," Monica Murmured, Just As Wes Came View Into The Path. He Was Running, His Pace Quick And Steady. He Was In Shorts, His Shirt Off, Staring Ahead As He Passed. His Back Was Tan And Gleaming With Sweat.

Remy: Did You Really Believe, That First Day, That We Were Meant To Be Together? Dexter: You're Here, Aren't You?

Because If You Were The Problem, Chances Were You Could Also Be The Solution. The Only Way To Find Out Was To Take Another Shot.

It Was As Familiar To Me As A Song I'd Been Hearing My Whole Life, Covered By Various People But The Basic Tune The Same.

This Was Just One Night, One Chance To Vary And See Where It Took Me. The Fireflies Were Probably Already Out: Maybe It Wasn’t Just A Season Or A Time But A Whole World I’d Forgotten. I’d Never Know Until I Stepped Out Into It. So I Did.

Some Things Are Meant To Be Broken. Imperfect. Chaotic.

Truth About Forever

No Relationship Is Perfect, Ever. There Are Always Some Ways You Have To Bend, To Compromise, To Give Something Up In Order To Gain Something Greater.

Clearly, Sharing Something Could Take You A Long Way, Or At Least To A Different Place Than You'd Planned. Like A Friendship Or A Family, Or Even Jsut Alone On A Curb On A Saturday, Trying To Get Your Bearings As Best You Can.

It's Hard To Be Nice When The Rest Of The World Is So Mean.

Believe In Yourself Up Here And It Will Make You Stronger Than You Could Ever Imagine.

In The End, Though, Maybe It's Not How You Reach A Place That Matters. Just That You Get There At All.

You Don't Have To Make Things Harder Then They Have To Be Just To Prove A Point.

I Never Really Know What I'm Going To Write Next Until It Comes To Me. So We'll Just Have To See What Happens.

Family Isn’t Something That’s Supposed To Be Static, Or Set. People Marry In, Divorce Out. They’re Born, They Die. It’s Always Evolving, Turning Into Something Else.

Once, This Had Been The Life I’d Wanted. Even Chosen. Now, Though, I Couldn’t Believe That There Had Been A Time When This Kind Of Monotony And Silence, This Most Narrow Of Existences, Had Been Preferable. Then Again, Once, I’d Never Known Anything Else.

You Get What You Give, But Also What You're Willing To Take.

Maybe If I'd Agreed To Do The Debutante Thing Like She Wanted. Or Taken Up Pageants Instead Of Riding Jump Bikes With A Bunch Of Grungy Boys. I'd Always Tell Her, Why Can't I Do Both? Who Says You Have To Be Either Smart Or Pretty, Or Into Girly Stuff Or Sports? Life Shouldn't Be About The Either/or. We're Capable Of More Than That, You Know?

When Someone Starts To Change, And It’s Obvious, It's Sort Of Natural To Wonder Why. Right?

...you Can't Unlearn Something, Even If You Want To. You Know What You Know.

It Seemed Like This Day Could Go In So Many Directions, Like A Spiderweb Shooting Out Toward Endless Possibilities.

Endless Possibilities

I Think Readers Are Just Looking For Things That Maybe They Recognize Or Can Relate To In The Books.

I Was So Thrilled That I Was Having A Girl, Because I Just Am So Girly Myself, But I Think The Teenage Years Are Going To Be Very Interesting.

True Friendship Is A Promise You Keep Forever.

True Friendship

Once I’m Done With A Book, I’m Done! I’m Just Not A Sequel Kind Of Girl. By The Time I’ve Finished A Book I’ve Read It So Many Times That It’s Time To Move On.

I Always Tried To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Open Your Door To Find Something You Had Given Up On. Maybe It Had Seen Places You Never Had, Been Rerouted And Passed Through So Many Strange Hands, But Still Somehow Found Its Way Back To You, All Before The Day Even Began.

You Can Never Be Sure Of Anyone Until You're Close Enough To See Them Clearly.

I Am Not Breaking My Rules,' I Snapped, Hating That I'd Ended Up On The Advice-recieving End Of Things, Jumping From Dear Remy To Confused In Cincinnati All In One Summer.

Hey, And For What It's Worth? Friends Don't Leave You Alone In The Woods. Friends Are The Ones Who Come And Take You Out.

Maybe You Could Go Backwards And Forwards At The Same Time, But It Wasn't Easy. You Had To Want To.

I Always Say That Teenagers Are The First To Know If You're Pandering To Them.

There Has To Be A Middle. Without It, Nothing Can Ever Truly Be Whole. Because It Is Not Just The Space Between, But Also What Holds Everything Together.

I Knew That It Wouldn’t Last. It Was Just A Moment, A Perfect Moment, As Time Stood Still And Fleetingly Everything Fell Back Into Its Proper Place.

So I Just Decided To Relax Into It, Bumpy And Crazy As It Might Be, And Try For Once To Just Go Along For The Ride.

Obviously It Won't All Run Smoothly. But It's Important To Awknowledge That While We May Make Mistakes, In The Long Run, We May Also Learn Fromt Them.

Here Was A Boy Who Liked Flaws, Who Saw Them Not As Failings But As Strengths. Who Knew Such A Person Could Exist, Or What Would Have Happened If We'd Found Each Other Under Different Circumstances? Maybe In A Perfect World. But Not In This One.

“in Truth,” I Said, “there Are No Rules Other Than You Have To Tell The Truth.” “how Do You Win?” He Asked. “that,” I Said, “is Such A Boy Question.

Telling The Truth

I Wondered If Emotions Were Like Menstrual Cycles, If You Get Enough Women Together. Give It Time, And Everyone Was Crying.

Next Thing You Know She'll Be On The Bus And Selling T-shirts In The Parking Lot, Showing Off Her Boobs To Get In The Stage Door." "at Least She Has Boobs To Show," Jess Said. "i Have Boobs," Chloe Said, Pointing To Her Chest. "just Because They're Not Weighing Me Down Doesn't Mean They're Not Substantial." "okay, B Cup," Jess Said, Taking A Sip Of Her Drink. "i Have Boobs!" Chloe Said Again, A Bit Too Loudly--she'd Already Had A Couple Of Minibottles At The Spot. "my Boobs Are Great, Goddammit. You Know That? They're Fantastic! My Boobs Are Amazing.

Growing Up Means :propelling Yourself Forward Into Whatever Lies Ahead, One Turn Of The Wheel At A Time.

How Weird Was It That So Many Bits And Pieces, All Diverse, Could Make Something Whole. Something With Potential. 'perfect.

As If He Was Beating Me To The Punch, His Words Living Forever, While I Was Left Speechless, No Rebuttal, No Words Left To Say.

It All Depends On How You Choose To Live It. It's Like Forever, Always Changing.

I Would Miss Colby, But It Wasn't Going Anywhere. All The More Reason Why I Should.

Instead, We Just Sat There, Together But Really Apart, Watching A Show About A Stranger And All Her Secrets, While Keeping Our Own To Ourselves, As Always.

Love Can Make Up For A Lot.

People Get Mad Annabel. Its Not The End Of The World.

I Hoped That Grace Would Be A Little Bit Of The Best Of All Of Us: Scarlett's Spirit, And My Mother's Strength, Marion's Determination, And Michael's Sly Humor. I Wasn't Sure What I Could Give, Not Just Yet. But I Would Know When I Told Her About The Comet, Years From Now, I Would Know. And I Would Lean Close To Her Ear, Saying The Words No One Else Could Hear, Explaining It All. The Language Of Solace And Comets, And The Girls We All Become, In The End.

Forgiveness Is Hard. Acceptance Is Doable.

After Everything That Happened, How Could I Miss Him? But I Did, I Did.

And That Was As Far As He Got Before I Heard It. The Thumping Of Footsteps, Running Up The Lawn Toward Me: It Seemed Like I Could Hear It Through The Grass, Like Leaning Your Ear To A Railroad Track And Feeling The Train Coming, Miles Away. As The Noise Got Closer I Could Hear Ragged Breaths, And Then A Voice. It Was My Mother.

My Dad Is A Retired Shakespeare Professor, My Mother A Retired Classicist. Suffice To Say I Grew Up In A House Full Of Books, Where Reading Was Encouraged If Not Required.

Their Words, Like The Music, Had The Potential To Be Endless.

This Was Our Common Ground, The Secret We Shared But Never Spoke Aloud. I Should Have Been With Him; She Should Have Left Him Alone. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. It's So Easy In The Past Tense.

And The Rest Is History,' I Said. Nah.' He Shook His Head. 'the Rest Is Now.

I Felt Like I'd Been Swimming So Hard, And The Water Growing Warmer And Warmer The Closer I Got To The Top. I Wasn't There Yet, But Now I Could See The Surface, Rippling Just Beyond My Fingers.

This Is Exactly What I Wanted, As Commitments Had Never Really Been My Thing. And It Wasn't Like It Was Hard, Either. The Only Trick Was Never Giving More Than You Were Willing To Lose.

But You Don’t Have To Give Everyone The Benefit Of The Doubt.” “you Don’t Have To Assume The Worst About Everyone, Either. The World Isn’t Always Out To Get You.

That First Love. And The First One Who Breaks Your Heart. For Me, They Just Happen To Be The Same Person.

Love Is So Unpredictable. Sometimes You'll Know A Man For Years And Then One Day, Boom! Suddenly You See Him In A Different Way. And Other Times, It's That First Date, That First Moment. That's What Makes It So Great.

My Mother Has Always Been The Point I Calibrated Myself Against. In Knowing Where She Was, I Could Always Locate Myself, As Well. These Months She'd Been Gone, I Felt Like I'd Been Floating, Loose And Boundaryless, But Now That I Knew Where She Was, I Kept Waiting For A Kind Of Certainty To Kick In. It Didn't. Instead, I Was More Unsure Than Ever, Stuck Between This New Life And The One I'd Left Behind.

One Word Could Change The Whole World

I Couldn't Imagine What It Would Be Like To Be One Of So Many, To Have Not Just Parents And Siblings But Cousins And Aunts And Uncles, An Entire Tribe To Claim As Your Own. Maybe You Would Feel Lost In The Crowd. Or Sheltered By It. Whatever The Case, One Things Was For Sure: Like It Or Not, You'd Never Be Alone.

If You Didn't Love Him, This Never Would Have Happened. But You Did. And Accepting That Love And Everything That Followed It Is Part Of Letting It Go.

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Theodore Roosevelt

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