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One Open, One Closed. It Was No Wonder That The First Image That Came To Mind When I Thought Of Either Of My Sisters Was A Door. With Kirsten, It Was The Front One To Our House, Through Which She Was Always Coming In Or Out, Usually In Mid-sentence, A Gaggle Of Friends Trailing Behind Her. Whitney’s Was The One To Her Bedroom, Which She Preferred To Keep Shut Between Her And The Rest Of Us, Always.

-Sarah Dessen

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One Open, One Closed.

Sarah Dessen

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One Open, One Closed. It Was No Wonder That The First Image That Came To Mind When I Thought Of Either Of My Sisters Was A Door. With Kirsten, It Was The Front One To Our House, Through Which She Was Always Coming In Or Out, Usually In Mid-sentence, A Gaggle Of Friends Trailing Behind Her. Whitney’s Was The One To Her Bedroom, Which She Preferred To Keep Shut Between Her And The Rest Of Us, Always.

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One Word," Ted Replied, Dead Serious, "can Change The Whole World." There Was A Moment While We All Considered This. Finally Lissa Said To Chloe, Loud Enough For All Of Us To Hear (she'd Had A Minibottle Or Two Herself), "i Bet He Did Really Well On His Sats.

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There Was Only So Much Space Between Us, Not Even A Real Distance If Measured In Miles Or Feet Or Even Inches, All The Things That Told You How Far You'd Come Or Had Left To Go. But It Was A Big Space, If Only For Me. And As I Moved Forward To Him Covering It, He Waited There On The Other Side. It Was Only The Last Little Bit I Has To Go, But In The End, I Knew It Would Be All I Would Truly Remember. So As I Kissed Him, Bringing This Summer And Everything Else Full Circle, I Let Myself Fall, And Was Not Scared Of The Ground I Knew Would Rise Up To Meet Me.

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Whenever Something Great Happens, You’re Always Kind Of Poised For The Universe To Correct Itself.

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Best Friends. And I Thought Of What She Had Done All The Millions Of Times I Cried To Her, Collapsing At Even The Slightest Wounding Of My Heart Or Pride. So I Reached Over And Pulled Her To Me, Wrapping My Arms Around Her, And Held My Best Friend Close, Returning So Many Favors All At Once.

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It's Only Advice. Ignore It If You Want.

The Best Gifts Come From The Heart, Not The Store.

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Music Is A Total Constant. That's Why We Have Such A Strong Visceral Connection To It, You Know? Because A Song Can Take You Back Instantly To A Moment, Or A Place, Or Even A Person. No Matter What Else Has Changed In Your Or The World, That One Song Says The Same, Just Like That Moment.

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And Always Remember How Much Your Crazy Sister Loves You.

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I Had Stepped Into His Arms, Showing Him My Raw, Broken Heart.

Family Isn’t Something That’s Supposed To Be Static, Or Set. People Marry In, Divorce Out. They’re Born, They Die. It’s Always Evolving, Turning Into Something Else.

There Was No Way To Take The Story Back, Folding It Neatly Into The Place I'd Kept It All This Time. No Matter What Else Happened, From Here On Out, I Would Always Remember Wes, Because With This Telling, He'd Become Part Of That Story, Of My Story, Too.

Looking At The Pond, All I Could Think Was That It Is An Incredivle Thing, How A Whole World Can Rise From What Seems Like Nothing At All.

You Couldn't Just Pick And Choose At Will When Someone Depended On You, Or Loved You. It Wasn't Like A Light Switch, Easy To Turn On Or Off. If You Were In, You Were In. Out, You Were Out.

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If There's One Thing I've Learned In The Last Few Months, It's That Sometimes You Just Have To Close Your Eyes And Jump.

Like Life Isn't Complicated Enough. You Should At Least Be Able To Follow The Signs.

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My Point Is You're Different Here. Hollis I've Only Been Here For A Month. A Lot Can Happen In A Month He Replied. Shoot In Two Weeks I Met My Future Wife Changed My Entire Life's Trajectory And Bought My First Tie. You Bought A Tie I Asked. Because Honestly This Was The Most Shocking Part.

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Don't Be A Fool. Don't Give Up Something Important To Hold Onto Someone Who Can't Even Say They Love You.

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So This Had Been All I Wanted, A Boy Who Understood How I Felt. Now, Though, I Sometimes Wished For More.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda. It's So Easy In The Past Tense.

Sometimes Really, Really Bad Things Happen To People, And There Is No Explanation And No Reason Whatsoever.

Even If You Couldn't See It Beneath The Surface, Molecules Were Bonding, Energy Pushing Up Slowly, As Something Worked Do Hare, All Alone To Grow.

You're Not Supposed To Have It All Figured Out In High School. If You Knew It All, And It Was The Best, It's All Downhill From There.

Hey, And For What It's Worth? Friends Don't Leave You Alone In The Woods. Friends Are The Ones Who Come And Take You Out.

You Know," I Told Him,"if You Don't Know How To Eat A Cupcake, That's Nothing To Be Ashamed Of." Now He Did Smile. "i Know How To Eat A Cupcake." "sure You Do." "i Do," He Said. "i Just Don't Want One Of Those." "yeah? Prove It.

So I Left Him There Alone To Watch History Repeat The Same Events Retold Again And Again On His Own.

Repeating History

It's Not Always Easy Being Her Daughter.' I Think,' She Said, 'sometimes It's Hard No Matter Whose Daughter You Are.

Hollis " I Said "you're Messing With Me Right Now Aren't You You're In Paris Or Somewhere And Just-" "what " He Replied. "no This Is The Real Deal. Here I'll Prove It." There Was A Muffled Noise Followed By Some Static. Then I Heard My Mother Recite At A Distance In Her Most Droll Flat Tone "yes. It Is True. Your Brother Is In Love And In My Kitchen.

It Passed, Though. That Was The Bad Thing. It Always Passed.

Pieces And Parts Were Always Easier To Process. The Full Picture, The Entire Story, Was Another Thing Entirely. But You Just Never Knew. Sometimes, People Could Surprise You.

I Wanted To Tell Him So. Find The Right Words, String Them Together In The Ideal Way, Knowing That Here They Would Have The Best Chance Of Sounding Perfect.

There's Just Something Obvious About Emptiness, Even When You Try To Convince Yourself Otherwise.

Because Maybe, The Best Of Times Were Yet To Come. You Never Knew.

Conciseness Is Underrated

Life Is An Awful, Ugly Place To Not Have A Best Friend.

People Get Mad Annabel. Its Not The End Of The World.

You Knew The Truth All Along, Colie. That's All Matters. You Knew.

It Was Just Perfect, Just Right All At Once.

As Impossible, In Fact, As Keeping The Moon... So I Looked Down The Line At All My Friends, Knowing I Would Always Remember This. And Then I Turned My Gaze Back Up To The Sky, And Put My Faith In That Moon And Its Return.

It's So Easy To Get Caught Up In What People Expect Of You. Sometimes, You Can Just Lose Yourself.

Losing Yourself

Family Isnt About Blood Relationships, Its About The Meaning Behind Them. I Relize Now That Sharing Chromosoms Is Not The Only Way To Having A Family, Its About The Friendship Behind It.

Looking Back, It Seemed Like It Should Have Been Harder To Lose Someone, Or Have Them Lose You, Especially When They Were In The Same State, Only A Few Towns Over.

You Know The Minute You Stop Thinking About It, It'll Happen.

But That Was The Problem With Having The Answers. It Was Only After You Gave Them That You Realized They Sometimes Weren't What People Wanted To Hear.

Next Thing You Know She'll Be On The Bus And Selling T-shirts In The Parking Lot, Showing Off Her Boobs To Get In The Stage Door." "at Least She Has Boobs To Show," Jess Said. "i Have Boobs," Chloe Said, Pointing To Her Chest. "just Because They're Not Weighing Me Down Doesn't Mean They're Not Substantial." "okay, B Cup," Jess Said, Taking A Sip Of Her Drink. "i Have Boobs!" Chloe Said Again, A Bit Too Loudly--she'd Already Had A Couple Of Minibottles At The Spot. "my Boobs Are Great, Goddammit. You Know That? They're Fantastic! My Boobs Are Amazing.

It Didn't Make You Noble To Step Away From Something That Wasn't Working, Even If You Thought You Were The Reason For The Malfunction. Especially Then. It Just Made You A Quitter. Because If You Were The Problem, Chances Were You Could Also Be The Solution. The Only Way To Find Out Was To Take Another Shot.

But Unfriendly Is Usually One Of Those Things You Pick Up On Right Away. You Know, Like B.o. There's No Hiding It If It's There.

I Was Beginning To See, Though, That The Unknown Wasn't Always The Greatest Thing To Fear. The People Who Know You Best Can Be Risker, Because The Words They Say And Things They Think Have The Potential To Be Not Only Scary But True, As Well.

I Felt Like I'd Been Swimming So Hard, And The Water Growing Warmer And Warmer The Closer I Got To The Top. I Wasn't There Yet, But Now I Could See The Surface, Rippling Just Beyond My Fingers.

I Was Actually Kind Of A Hot Mess In High School. I Did A Lot Of Things In High School I'm Not Proud Of. I Wasn't A Good Student And I Wasn't Particularly A Good Daughter. I Wasn't Very Engaged.

Whenever You Made A Choice, Especially One You'd Been Resisting, It Always Affected Everything Else, Some In Big Ways, Like A Tremor Beneath Your Feet, Others In So Tiny A Shift You Hardly Noticed A Change At All. But It Was Happening.

No One Could Tell You: You Just Had To Go Through It On Your Own. If You Were Lucky, You Came Out On The Other Side And Understood. If You Didn't, You Kept Getting Thrust Back, Retracing Those Steps, Until You Finally Got It Right.

There Was Nothing, Nothing To Depend On. And Why Was I Surprised?

That's Not A Real Answer.' Says Who?' Says Me. I Mean Real Fear, Like Of Failure, Of Death, Of Regret. Like That. Something That Keeps You Awake Nights, Questioning Your Very Existence.' Clowns.

For Once, You Believed In Yourself. You Believed You Were Beautiful And So Did The Rest Of The World.

I Hoped This Was True. Even If It Wasn‟t, All I Could Do Was Hand Over What I Could, With The Hope Of Something In Return. But Of Course, This Was Easier Said Than Done.

I Paused, Only Just Now Realizing That The Subject Was Hitting A Little Close To Home. "you Know, Getting Hurt. Putting Herself Out There, Opening Up To Someone." Yeah," He Said Adding Some Cheese Straws To The Cart, "but Risk Is Just Part Of Relationships. Sometimes They Work, Sometimes They Don't." I Picked Up A Box Of Cheese Straws, Examining It. "yeah," I Said. "but It's Not All About Chance, Either.

I've Always Known Who I Am. I Might Not Work Perfectly, Or Be Like Them, But That's Okay. I Know I Work In My Own Way.

Once, This Had Been The Life I’d Wanted. Even Chosen. Now, Though, I Couldn’t Believe That There Had Been A Time When This Kind Of Monotony And Silence, This Most Narrow Of Existences, Had Been Preferable. Then Again, Once, I’d Never Known Anything Else.

My Agent Is So Totally Honest, Which Is Just What Every Writer Needs. She Won't Let Me Sell A Crappy Book, Even If I Want To.

Everyone Has Their Weak Spot. The One Thing That, Despite Your Best Efforts, Will Always Bring You To Your Knees, Regardless Of How Strong You Are Otherwise.

Wake Up, Caitlin, Mr. Lensing Had Said. But What He Didn't Understand Was That This Dreamland Was Preferable, Walking Through This Life Half-sleeping, Everything At Arm's Length Or Farther Away.

Fall In Love With Someone Who Truly Deserves Your Heart. Not With Someone Who Plays With It.

Falling In Love

Some Things Don't Last Forever, But Some Things Do. Like A Good Song, Or A Good Book, Or A Good Memory You Can Take Out And Unfold In Your Darkest Times, Pressing Down On The Corners And Peering In Close, Hoping You Still Recognize The Person You See There.

He's Getting Dumped. And He Doesn't Even Know It Yet. He's Probably Eating A Cheeseburger Or Flossing Or Picking Up His Dry Cleaning, And He Has No Idea. No Inkling.

You Can't Just Plan A Moment When Things Get Back On Track, Just As You Can't Plan The Moment You Lose Your Way In The First Place. But Standing There Alone On The Landing, I Thought Of Grandma Halley And How She'd Held Me Close Against Her Lap As We Watched The Sky Together. I'd Always Thought I Couldn't Remember, But Suddenly In That Moment, I Closed My Eyes And Saw The Comet, Finally, Brilliant And Impossible, Stretching Above Me Across The Sky.

I Am Coming To Terms With The Fact That Loving Someone Requires A Leap Of Faith, And That A Soft Landing Is Never Guaranteed.

Was It Really This Easy, Once You Escaped, To Just Not Care?

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