Background Image

...

If Anyone Asks You If You’re Taken,” I Said, “the Answer Is Yes.” “i Think I Can Live With That,” He Promised. “good,” I Said. “because You Don’t Want To See Me Be Cross.” “too Late.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” We Did—with The Music Of A Psychotic Griffin Screaming Behind Us, And The Sirens And Horns Of Brooklyn Wailing Below. It Was Quite Romantic.

-Rick Riordan

...

Please Wait....
Translating....

If Anyone Asks You

Rick Riordan

...

If Anyone Asks You If You’re Taken,” I Said, “the Answer Is Yes.” “i Think I Can Live With That,” He Promised. “good,” I Said. “because You Don’t Want To See Me Be Cross.” “too Late.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” We Did—with The Music Of A Psychotic Griffin Screaming Behind Us, And The Sirens And Horns Of Brooklyn Wailing Below. It Was Quite Romantic.

Views: 9

Topic

More From Rick Riordan

All Right Cupcakes Listen Up!

[percy] Kept Hoping Things Would Get Better For Annabeth And Him, But Their Lives Just Got More Dangerous, As If The Three Fates Were Up There Spinning Their Futures With Barbed Wire Instead Of Thread Just To See How Much Two Demigods Could Tolerate.

I Apologize For Apologizing." "thank You.

He's Nuts" Bianca Said "we Need To Jump Off This Cliff" I Said "oh Nice Idea!! Your Nuts Too

But How Do We Even Get To The Land Of The Dead?” I Asked. “i Mean…without Dying.

Doubtful, But It Did Work... "annabeth?" Percy Said Again. "you're Planning Something. You've Got That I'm-planning-something Look." "i Don't Have An I'm-planning-something Look." "yeah, You Totally Do. Your Eyebrows Knit And Your Lips Press Together And ---" "do You Have A Pen?" She Asked Him. "you're Kidding, Right?" He Brought Out Riptide. "yes, But Can You Actually Write With It?" "i--i Don't Know," He Admitted. "never Tried.

The Set Animal’s Jaws Were Pried Open So Fast That It Yelped And Let Go Of My Arm. I Stood, Now Encased In A Magical Barrier Twice My Normal Size, And Kicked Leroy Into A Wall. Good! Said Horus. Now Dispatch The Beast To The Netherworld! Quiet Man. I’m Doing All The Work.

The Minotaur Unstrapped His Axe And Swung It Around. It Was Beautiful In A Harsh I’m~going~togut~you~like~a~fish Kind Of Way. Each Of Its Twin Blades Was Shaped Like An Omega: Ω—the Last Letter Of The Greek Alphabet. Maybe That Was Because The Axe Would Be The Last Thing His Victims Ever Saw

Heroes!" Euryale Said With Disgust. "they Always Bring That Up, Just Like Our Mother! 'why Can't You Turn People To Stone? Your Sister Can Turn People To Stone.' Well, I'm Sorry To Disappoint You, Boy! That Was Medusa's Curse Alone. She Was The Most Hideous One In The Family. She Got All The Luck!" Stheno Looked Hurt. "mother Said I Was The Most Hideous.

We Heard The Army Before We Saw It. The Noise Was Like A Cannon Barrage Combined With A Football Stadium Crowd- Like Every Patriots Fan In New England Was Charging Us With Bazookas.

Ah... Much Better" He Said. "backbiter, Luke Called It. An Appropriate Name. Now That It Is Reforged Comeplately, It Shall Indeed Bite Back

Stand Your Ground!" Stheno Yelled. "i've Got Free Samples!

Stand Your Ground

Percy Jackson And The Olympians

Teachers And Librarians Are Some Of My Favorite People, Especially Since I Was A Teacher Myself. I Love Talking To Them Because They Have Wonderful Ideas About How To Share Books, And Especially About How To Share My Books With Kids.

So," I (percy) Said Glumly. "we're Going To Get A Ride From Your Brother, Huh?" Artemis's Silver Eyes Gleamed. "yes, Boy. You See, Bianca Di Angelo Is Not The Only One With An Annoying Brother. It's Time For You To Meet My Irresponsible Twin, Apollo.

What The Creeping Crud Is That?" [percy] Demanded. "you’re Inside A Giant Glowing Chicken-man!" "hawk!" I Yelled. I Decided That If I Survived This Day I Would Have To Make Sure This Guy Never Met Sadie. They’d Probably Take Turns Insulting Me For The Rest Of Eternity.

I Gave Her A Smile That I Hoped Conveyed Something Like: Hey, You Know I’m On Your Side. Gods Are Such Jerks! But What Can You Do? Probably My Expression Actually Conveyed: It’s Not My Fault! Please Do Not Kill Me!

We Speak With One Voice,” Walt Said. “especially On This Matter. No One Hurts Sadie Kane.

The Last Time I'd Seen The Minotaur, He'd Been Wearing Nothing But His Tighty Whities. I Don't Know Why. Maybe He'd Been Shaken Out Of Bed To Chase Me.

The Right Choice Is Hardly Ever The Easy Choice.

The World Was Collapsing, And The Only Thing That Really Mattered To Me Was That She Was Alive.

Just My Luck, On Top Of Everything Else I Had To Take Baboon Medicine.

Elections Only Happen In Two Ways," Reyna Said. "either The Legion Raises Someone On A Shield After A Major Success On The Battlefield-and We Haven't Had Any Major Battles-or We Hold A Ballot On The Evening Of June 24, At The Feast Of Fortuna. That's In Five Days." Percy Frowned. "you Have A Feast For Tuna?

That Perseus Always Won. That's Why My Momhad Named Me After Him, Even If He Was Son Of Zeus Ann I Was Son Of Posidon. The Original Perseus Was One Of The Only Heros In The Greek Myths Who Got A Happy Ending. The Others Died-betrayed, Mauled, Mutilated, Poisoned, Or Cursed By The Gods. My Mom Hoped I Would Inherit Perseus's Luck. Judging By How My Life Was Going So Far, I Wasn't Too Optimistic.

My Eighth Grade Teacher, Mrs. Pabst, Had Done Her Master's Thesis On Tolkien. She Showed Me How The Trilogy Was Patterned After Norse Mythology. She Was Also The First Person To Encourage Me To Submit Stories For Publication. The Idea Of Writing A Fantasy Based On Myths Never Left Me, And Many Years Later, This Would Lead Me To Write Percy Jackson.

Hazel!” He Yelled. “that Box! Open It!” She Hesitated, Then Saw The Box He Meant. Te Label Read Warning. Do Not Open. “open It!” Leo Yelled Again.

Why Would Roman Gods Want To Date Chinese Canadians?

Leo. Jason Said, You're Wierd. Yeah, You Tell Me That A Lot. Leo Grinned. But If You Don't Remember Me, That Means I Can Reuse All My Old Jokes. Come On!

Sometimes, It Takes Us A While To Appreciate Something New, Something That Might Change Us For The Better.

True, You're The Weakest Of Us All, But You're Still One Of The Five, And There Is Power In Collecting The Complete Set." He Paused, Then Grinned. "the Complete Set! That's Funny! Now Let's Consume Your Energy And Entomb Your Soul, Shall We?

Leo Grabbed The Neasrest Thing He Could Find- A Porta-potty Seat- And Threw It At The Face. Leve Me Alone!

I Have Moments Like That Alot, When My Brain Falls Asleep Or Something, And The Next Thing I Know I've Missed Something, As If A Puzzle Piece Fell Out Of The Universe And Left Me Staring At The Blank Place Behind It. -- Percy Jackson

You Can’t Control Every Contingency. You Have To Accept That. Let It Scare You. Trust That It’ll Be Okay Anyway.

I Have To Be Careful. My Readers Are Very Detail-oriented, And If I Make A Mistake They'll Call Me On It.

I Try Very Hard To Be Annoying. Don’t Insult My Ability To Annoy.

I’ll Distract Them,” Carter Said. “you Search. The Trophy Room Is Through There.” “carter!” But The Fool Ran Off To Protect Me. I Hate When He Does That.

Lacy Had Warned Me About Drew The First Day Of School. Apparently The Two Of Them Had Gone To Some Summer Camp Together––blah, Blah, I Didn't Really Listen To Teh Details––and Drew Had Been Just As Much A Tyrant There. ~sadie Kane, About Lacy And Drew Of Aphrodite Cabin.

Our Problems Started In Dallas, When The Fire-breathing Sheep Destroyed The King Tut Exhibit.

I Should've Blown More Stuff Up." -coach Gleeson Hedge

Grover Was Sniffing The Wind, Looking Nervous. He Fished Out His Acorns And Threw Them Into The Sand, Then Played His Pipes. They Rearranged Themselves In A Pattern That Made No Sense To Me, But Grover Looked Concerned. "that's Us," He Said. "those Five Nuts Right There." "which One Is Me?" I Asked. "the Little Deformed One," Zoe Suggested. "oh, Shut Up.

Leo Had Wanted To Paint A Giant Message On The Bottom Of The Hull-wassup? With A Smiley-face-but Annabeth Had Vetoed The Idea.

Calm Down, Horus Said. "don't Tell Me To Calm Down!" Bast Frowned. "i Didn't." "talking To Him!" I Pointed At My Forehead.

Yeah, My Bad," Leo Muttered. "i Should've Crashed On One Of The Other Islands. Oh, Wait-there Aren't Any!" She [calypso] Snarled And Kept Walking Along The Edge Of The Water.

If You Don't Like It You Can Kiss My Quiver

Whenever Percy Stopped By To See [annabeth], She Was So Lost In Thought That The Conversation Went Something Like This: Percy: 'hey, How's It Going?' Annabeth: 'uh, No Thanks.' Percy: 'okay...have You Eaten Anything Today?' Annabeth: 'i Think Leo Is On Duty. Ask Him.' Percy: 'so, My Hair Is On Fire.' Annabeth: 'okay, In A While.

You'd Think Getting Chopped Into A Million Pieces And Cast Into The Darkest Part Of The Underworld Would Give Him A Subtle Clue That Nobody Wanted Him Around.

Akmon Squealed With Delight. “i Knew You Were As Smart As Hercules! I Will Call You Black Bottom, The Sequel!

Butch Hesitated. "annabeth's Okay. You Gotta Cut Her Some Slack. She Had A Vision Telling Her To Come Here, To Find A Guy With One Shoe. That Was Supposed To Be The Answer To Her Problem." "what Problem?" Piper Asked. "she's Been Looking For One Of Our Campers, Who's Been Missing Three Days," Butch Said. "she's Going Out Of Her Mind With Worry. She Hoped He'd Be Here." "who?" Jason Asked. "her Boyfriend," Butch Said, "a Guy Named Percy Jackson.

I Excel At Pulling Strings!” Said Arachne. “i’m A Spider!

Knowledge Of Any Value Can't Be Given. It Must Be Sought And Earned

Hold Up." Leo Stepped Forward, Wagging His Wii Controller. "did You Just Call My A Ship A Monstrosity? I Know You Didn't That.

I Can’t Believe Sadie’s Going To Let Me Have The Last Word. Our Experience Together Must’ve Really Taught Her Something. Ow, She Just Hit Me. Never Mind.

Think Positive Girl, Or The World Ends.

I Want To Build Some Thing Permanent.

A Tiny Dark Object Came Sailing Out Of The Window And Landed At The Giant's Feet. Polybotes Yelled, "grenade!" He Covered His Face. His Troops Hit The Ground. When The Thing Did Not Explode, Polybotes Bent Down Cautiously And Picked It Up. He Roared In Outrage. "a Ding Dong? You Dare Insult Me With A Ding Dong?" He Threw The Cake Back At The Shop, And It Vaporized In The Light.

Oh, I Wouldn't Say Love Always Makes You Happy. Sometimes It Makes You Incredibly Sad.

Oh No." I Said Panic Rising In My Chest. "no, No, No, Somebody Get A Can Opener. I've Got A God In My Head!!

I Should’ve Been Very Cross With Anubis. Kissing Me Without Permission—the Nerve!

For What It’s Worth: Trust Your Feelings. I Can’t Promise That You’ll Never Get Hurt Again, But I Can Promise You The Risk Is Worth It.

If You’re Listening To This, Congratulations! You Survived Doomsday. I’d Like To Apologize Straightaway For Any Inconvenience The End Of The World May Have Caused You. The Earthquakes, Rebellions, Riots,tornadoes, Floods, Tsunamis, And Of Course The Giant Snake Who Swallowed The Sun—i’m Afraid Most Of That Was Our Fault. Carter And I Decided We Should At Least Explain How It Happened.

Congratulations

I Try To Craft Books That Are Fun, That Are Sort Of Subversively Educational So Kids Learn But They Don't Really Feel Like They're Being Lectured To, And I Want Kids To Always Finish One Of My Books And Think, "that Was Great, Where's The Next One?"

Beckendorf Closed Eyes Tight And Brought His Hand Up To His Watch. From That Distance, The Explosion Shook The World. Heat Seared The Back Of My Head. The Princess Andromeda Blew Up From Both Sides, A Massive Fireball Of Green Flame Roiling Into The Dark Sky, Consuming Everything....i Stared Out The Window Into Deep Blue Water. Beckendorf Was Supposed To Go To College In The Fall. He Had A Girlfriend, Lots Of Friends, His Whole Life Ahead Of Him. He Couldn't Be Gone.

Aphros Nodded, A Glint Of Pride In His Eyes. “we Have Trained All The Famous Mer-heroes! Name A Famous Mer-hero, And We Have Trained Him Or Her!” “oh, Sure,” Leo Said. “like…um, The Little Mermaid?” Aphros Frowned. “who? No! Like Triton, Glaucus, Weissmuller, And Bill!” “oh. ”leo Had No Idea Who Any Of Those People Were. “you Trained Bill? Impressive.

I Feel Incredibly Fortunate To Have Had The Level Of Success I've Had. I Was Just Writing Stories For My Own Sons.

Is It Fair Your Life Burns So Short And Bright? Death Had Asked. "no Such Thing As Fair," Frank Told Himself. "if I'm Going To Burn, It Might As Well Be Bright.

Let's Boogie,' He (leo) Said. 'before I Come To My Senses

I Stepped Forward. Call Me Old-fashioned, But I Wanted To Keep His Focus On Me And Not Annabeth. I Think It’s Polite For A Guy To Protect His Girlfriend From Instant Incineration.

I Blinked The Sleep Out Of My Eyes And Realized My Head Was In Khufu’s Lap. The Baboon Was Foraging My Scalp For Munchies. “dude.” I Sat Up Groggily. “not Cool.” “but He Gave You A Lovely Hairdo,” Sadie Said. “agh-agh!” Khufu Agreed.

Destroy Them Later?" Cal Offered, Which Was Probably As Close To Friendly As He Ever Got.

Far Below I Heard Cacus Bellowing As Millions, Maybe Even Thousands Of Filthy Gallons Of Water Slammed Into Him. Meanwhile, Annabeth Alternately Shouted, Gagged, Hit Me, Called Me Endearing Pet Names Like, "idiot! Stupid - Dirty - Moron - " And Topped It All Off With, "kill You!

The Taller They Are, The Longer They Fall.

All Right, Cupcakes. You Are About To See The Grand Canyon. Try Not To Break It. The Skywalk Can Hold The Weight Of Seventy Jumbo Jets, To You Featherweights Should Be Safe Out There. If Possible, Try To Avoid Pushing Each Other Over The Edge, As That Would Cause Me Extra Paperwork.

Pushing Each Other

Hazel: "there," She Said.the Official Building On Their Left Had A Single Word Etched On The Glass Doors: Amazon. "oh," Frank Said."uh, No, Hazel. That's A Modern Thing. They're A Company, Right? They Sell Stuff On The Internet. They're Not Actually Amazons." "unless..." Percy Walked Through The Doors.

I Know, I'm An Idiot!" Leo Moaned. "a Brilliant Idiot, But Still An Idiot.

Luke Gazed At Annabeth. "you Knew. I Almost Killed You, But You Knew . . ." "shhh." Her Voice Trembled. "you Were A Hero At The End, Luke.

Yay!” Tyson Went Around The Couches And Gave Everyone A Big Hug—even Octavian, Who Didn't Look Thrilled About It.

I Turned And Found Dionysus Standing There, Still In His Black Suit. Walk With Me,” He Said. Where To?” I Asked Suspiciously. Just To The Campfire,” He Said. “i Was Beginning To Feel Better, So I Thought I Would Talk With You A Bit. You Always Manage To Annoy Me.” Uh, Thanks.

Five Shall Go West To The Goddess In Chains, One Shall Be Lost In The Land Without Rain, The Bane Of Olympus Shows The Trail, Campers And Hunters Combined Prevail, The Titan's Curse Must One Withstand, And One Shall Perish By A Parent's Hand

"aphrodite," She Said. "venus?" Hazel Asked In Amazement. "mom," Piper Said, With No Enthusiasm.

Kids, If Anything, Are Harder To Write For Because They Are A More Discerning Audience. They Will Not Stay With You If You Go Off On A Tangent Or If You Give Them Extraneous Information That Doesn't Serve The Story. You Really Have To Tell A Tight Story. You Have To Give Them Humor And Suspense And Believable Characters. All Those Things That Adults Want Too, But You Have To Be Really On Your Game When You're Writing For Kids.

Good Luck, Boss. Don't Let'em Turn You Into Horse Meat! (blackjack)

Oh, Lord. I Was Beginning To Think Like Neith. Soon I'd Be Huddled In An Underground Bunker Eating Army Rations And Cackling As I Sewed Together The Pockets Of All The Boys Who'd Jilted Me.

There Was Tyson Moving Into The Poseidon Cabin, Giggling To Himself Every Fifteen Seconds And Saying, "percy Is My Brother?" Like He'd Just Won The Lottery. Aw, Tyson," I'd Say. "it's Not That Simple.

Hermes Has Threatened Me With Slow Mail. Lousy Internet Service And A Horrible Stock Market If I Publish This Story. I Hope He Is Just Bluffing.

She Had To Go On This Quest. The Fate Of The World Might Depend On It. But Part Of Him Wanted To Say: Forget The World. He Didn’t Want To Be Without Her.

You Are One Freaking Awesome Baboon.

I Don't Think About Being Famous, Really. Being An Author, I Don't Generally Get Stopped As I Walk Down The Street. It's Not Like Being A Movie Star.

Narcissus Turned And Scowled At Leo. “who Are You?” “i’m The Super-sized Mcshizzle, Man!” Leo Said. “i’m Leo Valdez, Bad Boy Supreme. And The Ladies Love A Bad Boy.

Even From Far Away, I Could See People Being Chased By Hellhounds, Burned At The Stake, Forced To Run Naked Through Cactus Patches Or Listen To Opera Music.

Khufu Carefully Picked Out Everything That Ended With-o—doritos, Oreos, And Some Chunks Of Meat. Buffalo? Armadillo? I Was Scared To Even Ask.

There’s Nothing Here,” Carter Said. “what Do You Want?” I Asked. “we’ve Got Wax, Some Toilet Papyrus, An Ugly Statue.

Aretmis Gripped Her Bow. “let Us Pray I Am Wrong.” Can Goddesses Pray?

Gods And Goddesses

Nico, You Can Do This," Jason Said. "it Might Be Embarrassing, But It's For The Scepter." Nico Didn't Look Convinced. In Fact He Looked Like He Was Going To Be Sick. But He Squared His Shoulders And Nodded. "you're Right. I- I'm Not Afraid Of A Love God." Favonius Beamed. "excellent! Would You Like A Snack Before You Go?

Do You Think Me Cruel?” Neith Asked. “oh, Yes, I Collect The Pockets Of My Enemies.” “horrifying,” I Said. “i Didn’t Know Demons Had Pockets.” “oh, Yes.” Neith Glanced In Either Direction, Apparently To Be Sure No One Was Eavesdropping. “you Just Have To Know Where To Look.

I Frowned. “you Mean Set’s Got, Like, Other Evil Gods On Speed Dial?

You’re That Lady,” Leo Said. “the One Who Was Named After Caribbean Music.” Her Eyes Glinted Murderously. “caribbean Music.” “yeah. Reggae?” Leo Shook His Head. “merengue? Hold On, I’ll Get It.” He Snapped His Fingers. “calypso!

"you Are Okay?" He Asked. "not Eaten By Monsters?" "not Even A Little Bit." I Showed Him That I Still Had Both Arms And Both Legs, And Tyson Clapped Happily. "yay!" He Said. "now We Can Eat Peanut Butter Sandwiches And Ride Fish Ponies! We Can Fight Monsters And See Annabeth And Make Things Go Boom!" I Hoped He Didn't Mean All At The Same Time, But I Told Him Absolutely, We'd Have A Lot Of Fun This Summer.

Egypt Is The First Nome. New York Is The Twenty-first. What’s The Last One, The Three-hundred-and-sixtieth?” “that Would Be Antarctica,” Zia Said. “a Punishment Assignment. Nothing There But A Couple Of Cold Magicians And Some Magic Penguins.” “magic Penguins?” “don’t Ask.

You Put The Set Animal In Your Locker? Do You Know How Much Strength That Requires?” “yeah,” I Said. “i Was There.

Cacus.” I’d Had Years Of Practice Looking Dumb When People Threw Out Greek Names I Didn’t Know. It’s A Skill Of Mine. Annabeth Keeps Telling Me To Read A Book Of Greek Myths, But I Don’t See The Need. It’s Easier Just To Have Folks Explain Stuff.

As Long As We`re Together

Percy Tried To Remember. He Really Did. For Some Reason, Annabeth And He Had Visited A Spa And Decided To Destroy It. He Couldn't Imagine Why. Maybe They Hadn't Like The Deep-tissue Massage? Maybe They'd Gotten Bad Manicures?

Can You Surf Really Well, Then?" I Looked At Grover, Who Was Trying Hard Not To Laugh. "jeez, Nico," I Said. "i've Never Really Tried." He Went On Asking Questions. Did I Fight A Lot With Thalia, Since She Was A Daughter Of Zeus? (i Didn't Answer That One.) If Annabeth's Mother Was Athena, The Goddess Of Wisdom, Then Why Didn't Annabeth Know Better Than To Fall Off A Cliff? (i Tried Not To Strangle Nico For Asking That One.) Was Annabeth My Girlfriend? (at This Point, I Was Ready To Stick The Kid In A Meat-flavored Sack And Throw Him To The Wolves.)

The Cafe Windows Wrapped All The Way Around The Observation Floor, Which Gave Us A Beautiful Panoramic View Of The Skeleton Army That Had Come To Kill Us.

The Bridge Fell Away Into The Chasm, And The Cyclops Howled ... With Delight, Because He Was Standing Right Next To Us.

So Beckendorf Was Pretty Popular?" Leo Asked. "i Mean-before He Blew Up?

Beckendorf Walked Up With His Helmet Under His Arm. 'she Likes You, Man.' 'sure,' I Muttered. 'she Likes Me For Target Practice.' 'nah, They Always Do That. A Girl Starts Trying To Kill You, You Know She's Into You. 'makes A Lot Of Sense.

Your Destiny Grows Clearer, Jason Grace. When The Choice Comes Again- Storm Or Fire- Remember Me. And Do Not Despair.

Oh, Hazel Is Awesome," Don Said. "she's So Nice! All The Other Campers Are Like 'go Away Don.' But She's Like 'please Go Away, Don.' I Love Her!

It's Hard To Know What [literature] Will End Up Being Timeless And What Will Be Something That Doesn't Translate Into The Future, Especially With The Way We're Evolving Since Our Culture Is Changing So Fast.

More Minions!” He Shouted. “come To Me!” That Couldn’t Be Good. Another Round Of Giant Crocs And We’d Be Dead. Why Don’t We Get Minions? I Complained To Horus, But He Didn’t Answer.

Also ... The Plan Sounded Exactly Like The Sneaky, Twisted, Ridiculously Annoying And Noble Sort Of Thing Leo Valdez Would Do.

She’s Pretty,” Zethes Mumbled. “i Mean, She’s Right.

It Isn’t Easy Being A Brilliant Inventor, Always Alone. Always Misunderstood. Easy To Turn Bitter, Make Horrible Mistakes. People Are More Difficult To Work With Than Machines. And When You Break A Person, He Can’t Be Fixed. -hephaestus

Forget The Chicken-nugget Smoke Screen. Percy Wanted Leo To Invent An Anti-dream Hat.

Why Won't You Drown?" He Wailed, Pummeling Me With His Fists. "i'm Poseidon's Son," I Said. "curse That Upstart! I Was Here First!

When She Kissed Me, I Had The Feeling My Brain Was Melting Right Through My Body.

That's What Being A Demigod Was All About, Not Quite Belonging In The Mortal World Or On Mount Olympus But Trying To Make Peace With Both Sides Of Their Nature.

Perseus, You Are Not The Hero.

Stop Smiling!” She Ordered. “i Can See You, Carter. Oh…and, Uh, Hullo, Walt.” The Pot Monster Made Squeaky Grinding Noises As It Stood Up Straight. One Clunky Arm Rose And Tried To Fix Sadie’s Nonexistent Hair. Leave It To Sadie To Be Self-conscious Around Boys, Even When She’s Made Out Of Pots And Duct Tape.

Well That Was Sucktastic

Leo Frowned At The Giant's Spire. "can't We Blow It Up Or Something?" "without Me, You Do Not Have The Power," Hera Said. "you Might As Well Try To Destroy A Mountain." "done That Once Today," Jason Said.

As In All Abercrombie's Books, Friends Turn Out To Be Enemies, Enemies Turn Out To Be Friends; The Line Between Good And Evil Is Murky Indeed; And Nothing Goes Quite As We Expect. With Eye-popping Plot Twists And Rollicking Good Action, Half A King Is Definitely A Full Adventure.

Wait Just A Minute," Ares Growled. He Pointed At Thalia And Me. "these Two Are Dangerous. It'd Be Much Safer, While We've Got Them Here—" "ares," Poseidon Interrupted, "they Are Worthy Heroes. We Will Not Blast My Son To Bits." "nor My Daughter," Zeus Grumbled. "she Has Done Well.

The Others Strapped Themselves Below - Except For Coach Hedge, Who Insisted On Clinging To The Forward Rail, Yelling, "yeah! Bring It On, Lake!

Dreams Like Podcast. Downloading Truth In My Ears. They Tell Me Cool Stuff.

Frank Zhang: Lumbering Klutz, Child Of Mars, Part-time Pachyderm.

Tyson Dropped The Two Warriors He Was About To Tie Into A Knot And Jogged After Us. He Jumped On The Centaur's Back. 'dude!' The Centaur Groaned, Almost Buckling Under Tyson's Weight. 'do The Words "low-carb Diet" Mean Anything To You?

When I Write, I'm Still Imagining A Kid Reading It On Paper. I Read E-books When I Travel, But In General I Still Prefer Holding An Old-fashioned Book In My Hands. There's A Special, Tactile Experience.

I Sat Up And The Blankets Fell Away.i Looked Down And Found I Was Wearing Pokemon Pajamas. "sadie,"i Said,"i'm Going To Kill You." She Batted Her Eyes Innocently."but The Street Merchant Gave Us A Very Good Deal On Those.walt Said They Would Fit You." Walt Raised His Hand."don't Blame Me,man.i Tried To Stick Up For You." Bes Snorted,then Did A Pretty Good Imitation Of Walt's Voice:"at Least Get The Extra-large Ones With Pikachu.

The Way To Beat Luke," He Said. "if I'm Right, It's The Only Way You'll Stand A Chance." I Took A Deep Breath. "okay. I'm Listening." Nico Glanced Inside My Room. His Eyebrows Furrowed. "is That...is That Blue Birthday Cake?" He Sounded Hungry, Maybe A Little Wistful. I Wondered If The Poor Kid Had Ever Had A Birthday Party, Or If He'd Ever Even Been Invited To One. :come Inside For Cake And Ice Cream," I Said. "it Sounds Like We've Got A Lot To Talk About.

The Next Microsecond, As The Water Erupted Around Me, I Realized Too Late That I Should've Brought The Entire Twenty-first Nome To Help Me.

So," Annabeth Said, "are You Going To Argue About Me Coming Along?" "nah. You'd Just Beat Me Up." Percy Said. She Managed A Laugh, Which Was Good To Hear

All Invincible And Stuff

This Is Graceland. Home Of The Most Famous Musician In The World.” “michael Jackson Lived Here?” “no, Dummy,” Carter Said. “elvis Presley.

He Issued Orders To Us: Demigods Who Come To Us For Aid Are No Longer To Be Tolerated. We Are To Crush Your Little Mortal Faces.' There Was An Uncomfortable Silence. 'that Sounds...extreme,' Jason Ventured.

Oh, God,” I Said. “sorry, Sorry. Do I Die Now?” --sadie To Zia

Now, Come Over Here So I Can Pat You Down." "but You Don't Have-" Percy Stopped. "uh, Sure." He Stood Next To The Armless Statue. Terminus Conducted A Rigorous Mental Pat Down. "you Seem To Be Clean," Terminus Decided. "do You Have Anything To Declare?" "yes," Percy Said. "i Declare That This Is Stupid.

It Takes Strength And Courage To Admit The Truth.

I'm Not Usually An Eavesdropper,but I Dare You To Try Not Listening If You Hear Your Best Friend Talking About You To An Adult.

Not All Powers Are Spectacular." Hestia Looked At Me. "sometimes The Hardest Power To Master Is The Power Of Yielding.

My Sword Reappeared In My Pocket. Yeah,great Timing.now I Could Attack The Walls All I Wanted.my Cell Had No Bar,no Window,not Even A Door

Save Yourselves!" Percy Warned. "it Is Too Late For Us!" Then He Gasped And Pointed To The Spot Where Frank Was Hiding. "oh No! Frank Is Turning Into A Crazy Dolphin!" Nothing Happened. "i Said," Percy Repeated, "frank Is Turning Into A Crazy Dolphin." Frank Stumbled Out Of Nowhere, Making A Big Show Of Grabbing His Throat. "oh No," He Said, Like He Was Reading From A Teleprompter, "i Am Turning Into A Crazy Dolphin.

"bloated!" He Cried. The Corresponding Hieroglyph Flew Through The Air, Bursting Against A Demon's Chest In A Spray Of Light. Instantly, The Demon Swelled Like A Water Balloon And Rolled Screaming Down The Pyramid. "flat!" Thoth Blasted Another Demon, Who Collapsed And Shriveled Into A Monster-shaped Doormat. "intestinal Problems!" Thoth Yelled. The Poor Demon Who Got Zapped With That One Turned Green And Doubled Over.

The Sea Does Not Like To Be Restrained.

She Glared At Me Like She Was About To Punch Me, But Then She Did Something That Surprised Me Even More. She Kissed Me. "be Careful Seaweed Brain." She Said Putting On Her Invisible Cap And Disappearing. I Probably Would Have Sat There All Day, Trying To Remember My Name, But Then The Sea Demons Came.

If I Couldn't Trust Her, I Couldn't Trust Anyone.

Sorry,no Thanks,if I Was Going To Die It Could Wait Until Tomorrow Morning.

Maybe, Standing Next To The Obelisk Of Ma’at, Surrounded By The Sea Of Chaos, We Both Realized That Restraining Ourselves From Vengeance Is What Made Us Different From Apophis. Rules Had Their Place. They Kept Us From Unraveling.

This Is Annabeth,” Jason Said. “uh, Normally She Doesn't Judo-flip People.

Travis: I Didn’t Know They Made Permanent Makeup. I Looked Like A Clown For A Month. Connor: Yeah. They Put A Curse On Me So That No Matter What I Wore, My Clothes Were Two Sizes Too Small And I Felt Like A Geek. Travis: You Are A Geek.

I Could Hear Hopefulness In Her Voice, But Also Doubt. She Was Waiting For Me To Admit The Obvious: I'd Forgotten. I Was Toast. I Was Boyfriend Roadkill. Just Because I Forgot, You Shouldn't Take That As A Sign I Didn't Care About Annabeth. Seriously, The Last Month With Her Had Been Awesome. I Was The Luckiest Demigod Ever. But A Special Dinner... When Had I Mentioned That? Maybe I'd Said It After Annabeth Kissed Me, Which Had Sort Of Sent Me Into A Fog. Maybe A Greek Gos Had Disguised Himself As Me As And Made Her That Promise As A Prank. Or Maybe I Was Just A Rotten Boyfriend.

That's Because We Keep Weapons Int The Attic, Silly Boy. Do You Think This Is The First Time Monsters Have Attacked Our Family?" "weapons," Frank Grumbled. "right. I've Never Handled Weapons Before." Grandmother's Nostrils Flared. "was That Sarcasm, Fai Zhang?" "yes, Grandmother." "good. There May Be Hope For You Yet.

Why Are They So Sad?” I Asked. “well, They’re Dead,” Carter Speculated.

Have You Ever Noticed How Parents Can Go From The Most Wonderful People In The World To Totally Embarrassing In Three Seconds?

Caught In A Bad Romance. Whoaaa-oh-ooooh!" Nellie Wailed Along To The Xm Radio Blaring From The Enormous Speakers. "can I Uncover My Ears Now?" Dan Called From The Back, Where He Was Reclined Across The Leather Seat. "has Nellie Stopped Her Lady Gag Me Impression?

I Prefer To Be The Noisiest Thing In My Environment Thank You Very Much.

Even Little Herley, Who Couldn't Have Been More Than Eight, Looked Like He Could Go Six Rounds With Chuck Norris Without Breaking A Sweat.

We’ve Arrived,” Leo Announced. “time To Split.” Frank Groaned. “can We Leave Valdez In Croatia?

Thank Ra!” She Exclaimed. “yeah, I’m Alive.” “no, I Almost Jumped In After You. I Hate The Water!

Destroy It?' Leo Was Appalled. 'you've Got A Life-size Bronze Dragon, And You Want To Destroy It?' 'it Breathes Fire,' Nyssa Explained. 'it's Deadly And Out Of Control.' 'but It's A Dragon!

He [death] Pulled A Pure-black Ipad From Thin Air. Death Tapped The Screen A Few Times And All Frank Could Think Was: Please Don't Let There Be An App For Reading Souls

Don't Get Starry-eyed About Somebody You Can't Have, Especially If It Blinds You To Somebody Who's Really Important.

I Need To Use The Dam Bathroom, I Need To Use The Dam Snack Bar, I Want A Dam Tee-shirt.

Coach Hedge Shouted, 'let The Movie Star Go, You Big Ugly Cupcake! Or I'm Gonna Plant My Hoof Right Up Your...

Please, Percy...change Your Clothes. You Smell Like You've Been Run Over By An Electric Horse.

I Concentrated Hard And Snapped My Fingers. "you Don't See The Sword," I Told The Girl. "it's Just A Ballpoint Pen." She Blinked. "um . . . No. It's A Sword, Weirdo.

Percy And Reyna Occupied Matching Praeters' Chairs On The Dais, Which Made Percy Self-conscious. It Wasn't Easy Looking Dignified Wearing A Bedsheet And A Purple Cape. "the Camp Is Safe," Octavian Continued. " I'll Be The First To Congragulate Our Heroes For Bringing Back The Legion's Eagle And So Much Imperial Gold! Truly We Have Been Blessed With Good Fortune. But Why Do More? Why Tempt Fate?" "i'm Glad You Asked." Percy Stood, Taking The Question As An Opening. Octavian Stammered, " I Wasn't--" "--part Of The Quest," Percy Said. "yes I Know. And Your'e Wise To Let Me Explain, Since I Was.

Hey!" I Screamed, Waving The Jacket, Running To One Side Of The Monster. "hey, Stupid! Ground Beef!

Most Of Set’s Forces Were Running Towards Our Boat, Screaming And Throwing Rocks (which Tended To Fall Down And Hit Them, But No One Says Demons Are Bright).

In Person, If Possible, Anubis Was Even More Drop-dead Gorgeous. [oh . . . Ha, Ha. I Didn't Catch The Pun, But Thank You, Carter. God Of The Dead, Drop-dead Gorgeous. Yes, Hilarious. Now, May I Continue?]

Drop Dead Gorgeous

If Somebody Offers You Hapi Pills, Just Say No!

He Was The Class Clown, The Court Jester, Because He'd Learn Early That If You Cracked Jokes And Pretended You Weren't Scared, You Usually Didn't Get Beat Up. Even The Baddest Gangster Kids Would Tolerate You, Keep You Around For Laughs. Plus, Humor Was A Good Way To Hide The Pain

'you're Dionysus,' I Said. 'the God Of Wine.' Mr. D Rolled His Eyes. 'what Do They Say These Days, Grover? Do The Children Say "well Duh!"?' 'y-yes, Mr. D.' 'then, "well, Duh!" Percy Jackson. Did You Think I Was Aphrodite, Perhaps?' 'you're A God.' 'yes, Child.' 'a God. You.'

Behold!" Percy Shouted. "the God's Chosen Beverage. Tremble Before The Horror Of Diet Coke!

Look, I Never Wanted To Be A Half-blood. Most Of The Time It Gets You Killed In Nasty, Dangerous Ways.

Reyna Sent Me To Get Percy," Frank Said. "did Octavian Accept You?" "yeah," Percy Said. "he Slaughtered My Panda.

While Coach Hedge Was Having Dinner On The Foredeck, A Wild Pegasus Appeared From Nowhere,stampeded Over The Coach’s Enchiladas, And Flew Off Again, Leaving Cheesy Hoof Prints All Across The Deck. “what Was That For?” The Coach Demanded.

It Is True That I Once Refused To Eat Haggis In Scotland And This Did Not Sit Well With The Local Population.

Even His Hair Was Bigger—a Massive Globe Of Blue-black Frizz So Thick That His Lobster-claw Horns Appeared To Be Drowning As They Tried To Swim Their Way To The Surface. “is That Why They Named You Aphros?” Leo Asked As They Glided Down The Path From The Cave. “because Of The Afro?” Aphros Scowled. “what Do You Mean?” “nothing,” Leo Said Quickly.

I Can't Get Through The Year Without Getting Kicked Out Or Blowing Something Up.

Through The Years

I Guess It Wasn't Everyday They See A Yellow Lifeboat With No Engine Going A Hundred Knots An Hour, Manned By Three Kids.

Out Of The Corner Of His Eye, He Saw Tyson Pounding The Earthborn Into The Ground Like A Game Of Whack-a-mole. Ella Was Fluttering Above Him, Dodging Missiles And Calling Out Advice: "the Groin. The Earthborn's Groin Is Sensitive." Smash! "good. Yes. Tyson Found Its Groin.

There's No Point In Defending Camp If You Guys Die. All Our Friends Are Here.

It's Useless To Lecture A Human.

I Tried To Imagine How Things Could Get Much Worse. The Gods Were In The Midwest Fighting A Huge Monster That Had Almost Defeated Them Once Before. Poseidon Was Under Siege And Losing A War Against The Sea Titan Oceanus. Kronos Was Still Out There Somewhere. Olympus Was Virtually Undefended. The Demigods Of Camp Half-blood Were On Our Own With A Spy In Our Midst. Oh, And According To The Ancient Prophecy, I Was Going To Die When I Turned Sixteen—which Happened To Be In Five Days, The Exact Same Time Typhon Was Supposed To Hit New York. Almost Forgot That.

I've Always Liked The Idea That Writing Is A Form Of Travel. And I Started My Writing Career As A Mystery Novelist For Adults.

Amy Gritted Her Teeth. "king Louis Xvi Even Put Franklin's Picture On A Chamber Pot!" Jonah Looked At His Dad. "do We Have Souvenir Chamber Pots?" "no." His Dad Whipped Out His Phone. "i'll Make The Call.

Back In Khufu's Day I Knew A Magician Who Parted The Nile Just So He Could Climb To The Bottom And Retrieve A Girl's Necklace. Then There Was That Israelite Fellow, Mickey." "moses?" "yeah, Him.

I Thought She'd Make Some Comment About The Bloodthirsty Gods Chasing Us, But When She Finally Found Her Voice, She Said, "that Boy Kissed You!" Leave It To Liz To Have Her Priorities Straight.

Maybe Being Home Schooled, Carter Didn’t Realize That “test” Is Normally A Bad Thing.

Die Human, Die!! Die Nasty Polluting Person!!!!' Yelled Grover. I Turned Him So He Faced Me. He Kept On Clicking His Plastic Gun Towards Me As If I Was Part Of The Game.

Her Name Badge Read: Hello! My Name Is Die, Demigod Scum!

Tyson, Frank Is A Descendant Of Poseidon." "brother!" Tyson Crushed Frank In A Hug. Percy Stifled A Laugh. "actually He's More Like A Great-great-...oh, Never Mind. Yeah, He's Your Brother." "thanks." Frank Mumbled Through A Mouthful Of Flannel.

Kids Are Baby Goats. They're Cute And They Have Redeeming Social Value. You Are Definitely Not Kids.

The Most Important Thing Whenever We're Connecting Kids To Books, Is That We Try To Match The Book To The Kid And Make Sure That Reading Is A Fun, Rewarding Experience Outside The Classroom.

Oh, Obviously,” Reyna Said. “without You, I Doubt Percy Could Find His Way Out Of A Paper Bag.” “true,” Annabeth Agreed.

You Teach Combat, I Guess.” Aphros Threw Up His Hands In Exasperation. “why Does Everyone Assume That?” Leo Glanced At The Massive Sword On The Fish-guy’s Back. “uh, I Don’t Know.

A Surgeon Would Never Hesitate To Amputate A Rotting Hand, No Matter How Faithfully It Had Served Its Owner In The Past.

Two Hundred Romans, And No One’s Got A Pen? Never Mind!" He Slung His M16 Onto His Back And Pulled Out A Hand Grenade. There Were Many Screaming Romans. Then The Hand Grenade Morphed Into A Ballpoint Pen, And Mars Began To Write. Frank Looked At Percy With Wide Eyes. He Mouthed: Can Your Sword Do Grenade Form? Percy Mouthed Back, No. Shut Up.

The Dead Aren't Scary. They Are Just Sad.

Trending Author

Benjamin Netanyahu

Vanessa Hudgens

Henry Steele Commager

Category