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If Anyone Asks You If You’re Taken,” I Said, “the Answer Is Yes.” “i Think I Can Live With That,” He Promised. “good,” I Said. “because You Don’t Want To See Me Be Cross.” “too Late.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” We Did—with The Music Of A Psychotic Griffin Screaming Behind Us, And The Sirens And Horns Of Brooklyn Wailing Below. It Was Quite Romantic.

-Rick Riordan

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If Anyone Asks You

Rick Riordan

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If Anyone Asks You If You’re Taken,” I Said, “the Answer Is Yes.” “i Think I Can Live With That,” He Promised. “good,” I Said. “because You Don’t Want To See Me Be Cross.” “too Late.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” “shut Up And Dance, Walt.” We Did—with The Music Of A Psychotic Griffin Screaming Behind Us, And The Sirens And Horns Of Brooklyn Wailing Below. It Was Quite Romantic.

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Seriously, Who Curses You With Their Dying Breath And Says, I Hope Your Eye Twitches!

The Meeting Was Like A War Council With Donuts. Then Again, Back At Camp Half-blood They Used To Have Their Most Serious Discussions Around The Ping-pong Table In The Rec Room With Crackers And Cheez Whiz, So Percy Felt Right At Home.

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With My Sister Perched On My Arm, I Walked To The Elevator. A Business Man With A Rolling Suitcase Was Waiting By The Doors. His Eyes Widened As He Saw Me. I Must’ve Looked Pretty Strange—a Tall Black Kid In Dirty, Ragged Egyptian Clothes, With A Weird Box Tucked Under One Arm And A Bird Of Prey Perched On The Other. “how’s It Going?” I Said. “i’ll Take The Stairs.” He Hurried Off.

No Matter How Many Times Percy Killed Them And Watched Them Crumble To Powder, They Just Kept Re-forming Like Large Evil Dust Bunnies.

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Enemy Giants Moved Towards The Breech, And Tyson Picked Up The Fallen Warrior’s Club. He Yelled Something To His Fellow Blacksmiths – Probably ‘for Poseidon!’ – But With His Mouth Full Of Peanut Butter It Sounded Like, ‘puh Pteh Bun.’ His Brethren All Grabbed Hammers And Chisels, Yelled, ‘peanut Butter!’ And Charged Behind Tyson Into Battle.

Brother,” Artemis Chided. “you Do Not Help My Hunters. You Do Not Look At, Talk To, Or Flirt With My Hunters. And You Do Not Call Them Sweetheart.

Gabe Scratched His Double Chin. "maybe If You Hurry With The Seven-layer Dip...and Maybe If The Kid Apologizes For Interrupting My Poker Game." Maybe If I Kick You In Your Soft Spot, I Thought. And Make You Sing Soprano For A Week.

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Percy Jackson And The Olympians

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Telling The Truth

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Percy Jackson And The Olympians

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Everyone Hates Clowns," Otis Said. "even Other Clowns Hate Clowns.

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It Blew My Mind That This Stuff Had Survived For Two Thousand, Three Thousand Years.

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The Thing About Plummetting Downhill At Fifty Miles An Hour On A Snack Platter - If You Realize It's A Bad Idea When You're Halfway Down, It's Too Late.

I Had A Crush On Percy," Nico Spat. "that's The Truth. That's The Big Secret.

I Looked Down At My Clothes. They Were Slashed To Pieces And Full Of Bullet Holes, But I Was Fine. Not A Mark On Me. Nico's Mouth Hung Open. "you Just . . . With A Sword . . . You Just—" "i Think The River Thing Worked," I Said. "oh Gee," He Said Sarcastically. "you Think?

Before I Could Figure Out How To Apologize For Being Such An Idiot, She Tackled Me With A Hug, Then Pulled Away Just As Quickly. "i'm Glad You're Not A Guinea Pig." "me, Too." I Hoped My Face Wasn't As Red As It Felt.

Thanks For Everything.” “as You Wish,” The Captain Said. If Axes Could Frown, I’m Sure He Would Have. “stay Sharp,” Carter Told Him.

Nico Drank From The Chalice, Then Offered It To Jason. "you Asked Me About Trust, And Taking A Risk? Well, Here You Go, Son Of Jupiter. How Much Do You Trust Me?" Frank Wasn't Sure What Nico Was Talking About, But Jason Didn't Hesitate. He Took The Cup And Drank.

He Could't Have Survied A Hundred Foot Drop. I'm Sorry Annabeth.

"percy, You're A Brave Guy," She Said. "just Take The Compliment. I Swear, Is It So Hard?"

He Looked Like An Evil Male Model, Showing Off What The Fashionable College Age Villain Was Wearing To Harvard This Year.

When She Kissed Me, I Had The Feeling My Brain Was Melting Right Through My Body.

I Need To Use The Dam Bathroom, I Need To Use The Dam Snack Bar, I Want A Dam Tee-shirt.

Who Are You And Why Are You My Cat?

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I Guessed His Name Was Face Of Horror. I Wondered How Long It Had Taken His Mom To Think Of That. Bob? No. Sam? No. How About Face Of Horror?

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Ah, Mastery Of The Five Elements!" "is That The One We Want?" I Asked. "no, But A Good One. How To Tame The Five Essential Elements Of The Universe - Earth, Air, Water, Fire, And Cheese!" "cheese?

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If You've Seen A Crab's Mouth, All Foamy And Gross With Whiskers And Snapping Bits, You Can Imagine This One Didn't Look Any Better Blown Up To Billboard Size.

Once I Saw Desjardins’ House, I Hated Him Even More. It Was A Huge Mansion On The Other Side Of The Tuileries, On The Rue Des Pyramids. “pyramids Road?” Sadie Said. “obvious, Much?” “maybe He Couldn’t Find A Place On Stupid Evil Magician Street,” I Suggested.

A Styrofoam Egg Carton Caught His Eye. He Opened It And Found A Single Silver Orb With Little Blinking Red Lights. "this Is Cool, Too!" He Dropped It Into His Backpack. "dan, No!" "what? They've Got Plenty Of Other Stuff, And We Need All The Help We Can Get!" "it Could Be Dangerous." "i Hope So.

I'd Like To Say I Took The News Well. The Truth Was, I Wanted To Strangle The Hunters Of Artemis One Eternal Maiden At A Time. --percy Jackson

We Only Came Close To Dying Six Or Seven Times, Which I Thought Was Pretty Good. Once, I Lost My Grip And Found Myself Dangling By One Hand From A Ledge Fifty Feet Above The Rocky Surf. But I Found Another Handhold And Kept Climbing. A Minute Later Annabeth Hit A Slippery Patch Of Moss And Her Foot Slipped. Fortunately, She Found Something Else To Put It Against. Unfortunately, That Something Was My Face. "sorry," She Murrmured. "s'okay," I Grunted, Though I'd Never Really Wanted To Know What Annabeth's Sneaker Tasted Like.

Amy Gritted Her Teeth. "king Louis Xvi Even Put Franklin's Picture On A Chamber Pot!" Jonah Looked At His Dad. "do We Have Souvenir Chamber Pots?" "no." His Dad Whipped Out His Phone. "i'll Make The Call.

It’s My Birthday, Horus Insisted. Wish Me Happy Birthday! “happy Birthday!” I Yelled. “now Shut Up!

But (peresphone) Was Like, The Goddess Of Flowers." Grover Looked Offended. "springtime.

Forget The Chicken-nugget Smoke Screen. Percy Wanted Leo To Invent An Anti-dream Hat.

When I Was Alive, I Mean The First Time, Mussolini Was In Charge. We Were At War.” “mussolini?” Leo Frowned. “wasn’t He Like Bffs With Hitler?

I Was Wondering How You Got All That Out Of A Single Moooooo

The Weight Of The Sky Dropped Onto Atlas's Back, Almost Smashing Him Flat Until He Managed To Get To His Knees, Struggling To Get Out From Under The Crushing Weight Of The Sky. But It Was Too Late. "noooooo!" He Bellowed So Hard It Shook The Mountain. "not Again!" Atlas Was Trapped Under His Old Burden.

The Eidolons Started Pounding On The Door. 'who Is It?' Leo Called. 'valdez!' 'valdez Who?

Somewhere Behind Me, Zia Yelled, "hippo!" Which I Thought Was A Little Late. ~carter Kane

He's Nuts" Bianca Said "we Need To Jump Off This Cliff" I Said "oh Nice Idea!! Your Nuts Too

As Long As We`re Together

Percy: The Heka-what? Annabeth: The Hundred-handed Ones. They Called Them That Because... Well, They Had A Hundred Hands. They Were The Elder Brothers Of The Cyclopes. Tyson: Very Powerful. Wonderful! As Tall As The Sky. So Strong They Can Break Mountains! Percy: Cool. Unless You're A Mountain.

I'd Love To Tell You I Had Some Deep Revelation On My Way Down, That I Came To Terms With My Own Mortality, Laughed In The Face Of Death, Et Cetera. The Truth? My Only Thought Was: Aaaaggghhhhh!

Percy Pushed On His Side Furiously And The Crack Closed. His Eyes Blazed With Anger. She Hoped He Wasn’t Mad At Her, But If He Was She Couldn’t Blame Him. If It Keeps Him Going, She Thought, Then Let Him Be Angry.

We Are Servants Of Ma’at—order And Justice. We Don’t Kill Our Enemies For Things They Might Do In The Future.

Ella, Just Stay Here. Stay Safe." "safe," Ella Repeated. "ella Likes Being Safe. Safety In Numbers. Safety Deposit Boxes. Ella Will Go With Tyson." "what?" Percy Said. "oh... Fine, Whatever. Just Don't Get Hurt. And Mrs. O'leary—" "rooof." "how Do You Feel About Pulling A Chariot?

Leo Felt Trapped. He’d Once Been Stuck In A Cave On Top Of Pikes Peak, Surrounded By A Pack Of Werewolves. Another Time He’d Been Stuck In An Abandoned Factory With A Family Of Evil Cyclopes. But This — Standing In An Open Clearing With A Dozen Pretty Girls — Was Much Worse.

If Not For The Horses, Piper Would've Died.

Honestly, I Thought I Was Going To Be A Kite Forever, Suffocating Inside A Little Feathery Prison. And He Had The Nerve To Make Fun!

Hey Grover! Thorn's Kidnapping Us! He's A Poisonous Spike-throwing Maniac! Help!

They Know They’ve Won,” Carter Guessed. “they’re Making A Show Of It.” “yes,” Amos Said. “well, Let’s Blow Up The Boats Or Something!” I Said. Amos Looked At Me. “is That Your Strategy, Honestly?

He'd Changed Since The Last Summer. Instead Of Bermuda Shorts And A T-shirt, He Wore A Button-down Shirt, Khaki Pants, And Leather Loafers. His Sandy Hair, Which Used To Be So Unruly, Was Now Clipped Short. He Look Like An Evil Male Model, Showing Off What The Fashionable College-age Villain Was Wearing To Harvard This Year.

Huh," Leo Said. "well, If You Ever Get Off This Island And Want A Job, Let Me Know. You're Not A Total Klutz." She Smirked. "a Job, Eh?" Making Things In Your Forge?" "nah, We Could Start Our Own Shop," Leo Said, Surprising Himself. Starting A Machine Shop Had Always Been One Of His Dreams, But He'd Never Told Anyone About It. "leo And Calypso's Garage: Auto Repair And Mechanical Monsters.

He Dropped The Rest Of The Cokes Into The Grave And Pulled Out A White Paper Bag Decorated With Cartoons. I Hadn’t Seen One In Years, But I Recognized It — A Mcdonald’s Happy Meal. He Turned It Upside Down And Shook The Fries And Hamburger Into The Grave. “in My Day, We Used Animal Blood,” The Ghost Mumbled. “it’s Perfectly Good Enough. They Can’t Taste The Difference.” “i Will Treat Them With Respect,” Nico Said. “at Least Let Me Keep The Toy,” The Ghost Said.

They're Lares. House Gods." "house Gods," Percy Said. "like...smaller Than Real Gods, But Larger Than Apartment Gods?

We Choose To Believe In Ma'at. We Create Order Out Of Chaos, Beauty Out Of Ugly Randomness. That's What Egypt Is All About.

The Most Dangerous Flaws Are Those Which Are Good In Moderation," She Said. "evil Is Easy To Fight. Lack Of Wisdom… That Is Very Hard Indeed.

I Could Hear Hopefulness In Her Voice, But Also Doubt. She Was Waiting For Me To Admit The Obvious: I’d Forgotten. I Was Toast. I Was Boyfriend Roadkill.

Are You Suggesting That The Gods Have Trouble Acting Together, Young Lady?" Dionysus Asked. Yes, Lord Dionysus." Mr. D Nodded. "just Checking. You're Right, Of Course. Carry On.

Scrawny? Baby, I Invented Scrawny. Scrawny Is The New Sizzling Hot.

That’s Right, Sadie. For Our First Real Date, I Picked Up Zia In A Boat Pulled By A Deranged Griffin. So What? Like Your Dates Aren’t Weird?

Most Problems Look Worse Than They Are. Nothing Is Unfixable.

People Are More Difficult To Work With Than Machines. And When You Break A Person, He Can't Be Fixed.

The First Thing We Pulled Out Was A Lump Of White Gunk. “wax,” Carter Pronounced. “fascinating.

She Wondered If It Was Her Stupid Mother, The Goddess Of Love, Messing With Her Thoughts. If Piper Started Getting Urges To Read Fashion Magazines, She Was Going To Have To Find Aphrodite And Smack Her.

Felix Believed That The Answer To Every Problem Involved Penguins; But It Wasn't Fair To Birds, And I Was Getting Tired Of Teleporting Them Back Home. Somewhere In Antarctica, A Whole Flock Of Magellanic Penguins Were Undergoing Psychotherapy.

It's Hard To Enjoy Practical Jokes When Your Whole Life Feels Like One.

Your Former Friend Luke " Poseidon Corrected. "he Once Promised Things Like That. He Was Hermes's Pride And Joy. Just Bear That In Mind Percy. Even The Bravest Can Fall.

Now I'd Like To Tell U I Did Something Heroic Like Stand Up Against A Raging Team Of Fire-breathing Horses With Only My Sword The Truth Is I Ran.

Fairness Means Everyone Gets What They Need. And The Only Way To Get What You Need Is To Make It Happen Yourself.

My Dear Young Cousin, If There's One Thing I've Learned Over The Eons, It's That You Can't Give Up On Your Family, No Matter How Tempting They Make It.

And You, Percy, Are My Favorite Son.

Percy Jackson And The Olympians

Suddenly His Expression Turned To Alarm. He Sprinted Toward Us. For A Moment I Had An Absurd Vision Of Myself On The Cover Of One Of Gran’s Old Romance Novels, Where The Damsel Wilts Into The Arms Of One Half-dressed Beefy Guy While Another Stands By,casting Her Longing Looks. Oh, The Horrible Choices A Girl Must Make! I Wished I’d Had A Moment To Clean Up. I Was Still Covered In Dried River Muck, Twine, And Grass, Like I’d Been Tarred And Feathered. Then Anubis Pushed Past Me And Gripped Walt’s Shoulders. Well…that Was Unexpected.

I'm Dylan. I'm So Cool. I Want To Date Myself, But I Don't Know How! You Want To Date Me Instead? You're So Lucky!

Now, You'll Have To Answer My Questions." "oh, Very Well," Set Said. "i Like Brazil For The World Cup. I'd Advise Investing In Platinum And Small-cap Funds. And Your Lucky Numbers This Week Are 2, 13--" "not Those Questions!" Menshikov Snapped.

Fortunately, We Did Most Of Our Athletic Stuff Inside, So We Didn't Have To Jog Through Tribeca Looking Like A Bunch Of Boot-camp Hippie Children.

She Pulled Away. “i Missed You, Percy.” Percy Wanted To Tell Her The Same Thing, But It Seemed Too Small A Comment. While He Had Been On The Roman Side, He’d Kept Himself Alive Almost Solely By Thinking Of Annabeth. I Missed You Didn’t Really Cover That.

The Old Women Only Stuck Around This Long Out Of A Sense Of Duty. Your Mom Was The Same Way. That's Why I Loved Her. She Put Her Duty First, Ahead Of Evverything.

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