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I Can Understand That An Audience, Buying A Ticket To See A Picture Of Mine, Wants To See Something Funny Because They Feel Confident That At Least I Have A Fighting Chance To Make A Funny Film When I Make A Film, Whereas If I Make A Dramatic Film There's One Chance In A Thousand That It's Really Going To Come Out Great, So I Understand How They Feel About That And They're Completely Right.

-Woody Allen

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I Can Understand That

Woody Allen

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I Can Understand That An Audience, Buying A Ticket To See A Picture Of Mine, Wants To See Something Funny Because They Feel Confident That At Least I Have A Fighting Chance To Make A Funny Film When I Make A Film, Whereas If I Make A Dramatic Film There's One Chance In A Thousand That It's Really Going To Come Out Great, So I Understand How They Feel About That And They're Completely Right.

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When One Chooses To Be A Writer, Psychologically There's A Reason For That Because You Like The Isolation And You Like To Be By Yourself And You Are By Nature Timid.

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Maybe The Poets Are Right. Maybe Love Is The Only Answer.

Time Is Nature's Way Of Keeping Everything From Happening At Once.

Some Guy Hit My Fender, And I Told Him, 'be Fruitful And Multiply,' But Not In Those Words.

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That’s One Of The Nice Things About Writing, Or Any Art; If The Thing’s Real, It Just Lives.

I Can Levitate Birds. No One Cares.

It's A Wonderful Thing To Be Able To Create Your Own World Whenever You Want To.

Yes, But The Difference Is That When You're Dead And Somebody Yells, 'everybody Up, It's Morning,' It's Very Hard To Find Your Slippers.

How Am I Immature? Intellectually, Emotionally, And Sexually. Yeah, But In What Other Ways?

Man Cannot Live By Bread Alone. Every Once In Awhile He Needs A Salad.

My Brain? It's My Second Favorite Organ!

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Someday The Lion Is Going To Lie Down With The Lamb, But The Lamb Isn't Going To Get Much Sleep.

I've Always Liked, Someday The Lamb Will Lay By The Lion.... But It Won't Get Much Sleep.

Sex Alleviates Tension. Love Causes It.

There Will Be No Major Solution To The Suffering Of Humanity Until We Reach Some Understanding Of Who We Are, What The Purpose Of Creation Was, What Happens After Death. Until Those Questions Are Resolved We Are Caught.

The Food Here Is Terrible, And The Portions Are Too Small.

More Than Any Other Time In History, Mankind Faces A Crossroads. One Path Leads To Despair And Utter Hopelessness. The Other, To Total Extinction. Let Us Pray We Have The Wisdom To Choose Correctly.

Students Achieving Oneness Will Move On To Twoness.

Every Hooker I Ever Speak To Tells Me That It Beats The Hell Out Of Waitressing.

I Have A Hyper-active Imagination, My Mind Tends To Jump Around A Little, And I Have Some Trouble Between Fantasy And Reality.

At The Trial Stubbs Chose To Act As His Own Lawyer, But A Conflict Over His Fee Led To Ill Feelings.

I Believe People Ought To Mate For Life...like Pigeons Or Catholics.

The Curtain Rises On A Vast Primitive Wasteland, Not Unlike Certain Parts Of New Jersey.

I Ran Into Isosceles. He Had A Great Idea For A New Triangle!

The Study Of Economy Usually Shows Us That The Best Time For Purchase Was Last Year.

The Process Of Making Films Is So Technically Demanding That It's A Distraction. You Don't Spend Your Time Thinking About The Philosophical Content, Which Is Often Very Depressing.

Who's The Bigger Idiot, The Idiot Or The Idiot Who Gets Fooled By The Idiot?

I Think I've Gotten Technically Better Over The Years But You'd Have To Be A Fool Not To. I've Made So Many Movies That By Sheer Quantity You Get Better At The Technique.

We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices.

History Is The Same Thing Over And Over Again.

Fitness Motivational

Temporary Insanity

Spencer Was Searching For A Woman Interested In Gold, Inorganic Chemistry, Outdoor Sex And The Music Of Bach. In Short, He Was Looking For Himself, Only Female.

Marriage? That's For Life! It's Like Cement!

I Don't Know What I Want, But I Know What I Don't Want

She Had Been Critical Of His New Torch Song, "a Side Order Of Heartache, Please," Suggesting It Could Be Used As A Good Way To Break In Their New Paper Shredder.

What People Who Don't Write Don't Understand Is That They Think You Make Up The Line Consciously — But You Don't. It Proceeds From Your Unconscious. So It's The Same Surprise To You When It Emerges As It Is To The Audience When The Comic Says It. I Don't Think Of The Joke And Then Say It. I Say It And Then Realize What I've Said. And I Laugh At It, Because I'm Hearing It For The First Time Myself.

In California, They Don't Throw Their Garbage Away - They Make It Into Tv Shows.

As I've Gotten Older, The Parts Have Diminished. I Liked It When I Was Younger, I Could Always Play The Lead In The Movie And I Could Do All The Romantic Scenes With The Women, And It Was Fun And I Liked To Play That. Now, I'm Older And I'm Reduced To Playing The Backstage Doorman Or The Uncle Or Something. I Don't Really Love That So Occasionally, When A Part Comes Up, I'll Play It.

Last Year I Had Difficulty With My Income Tax. I Tried To Take My Analyst Off As A Business Deduction. The Government Said It Was Entertainment. We Compromised Finally And Made It A Religious Contribution.

I've Always Been Lucky In Casting. The Trick In Casting Is To Hire Great People, And Let Them Do What They Do, Don't Interfere With Them Too Much. And Then When They're Great, Take Credit For It In The End.

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I Once Stole A Pornographic Book That Was Printed In Braille. I Used To Rub The Dirty Parts.

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What Advice Would I Give The Average Homeowner To Protect Himself Against Burglars? Well, The First Thing Is To Keep A Light On In The House When You Go Out. It Must Be At Least A Sixty-watt Bulb; Anything Less And The Burglar Will Ransack The House, Out Of Contempt For The Wattage.

Jazz Is A Big Thing With Me. It's A Very Big Passion Of Mine, To Play It. I'm An Amateur Musician And I Love Everything About It. I Was Obsessed With Jazz When I Was 15 Years Old And I Know A Lot About It Because I've Loved It So Much.

No Matter What You Do There Will Be Critics.

Life Is A Tragedy Filled With Suffering And Despair And Yet Some People Do Manage To Avoid Jury Duty.

New York Is My Home And I Have A Particular Fondness For It. I Think It's A Place Where You Can Generate Any Kind Of Story Wonderfully. But I Also Would Be Very Happy To Make A Film In Paris Or Rome.

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