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I Actually Credit Twitter With Fine-tuning Some Joke-writing Skills. I Still Feel Like I'm Working At It.

-Steve Martin

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I Actually Credit Twitter

Steve Martin

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I Actually Credit Twitter With Fine-tuning Some Joke-writing Skills. I Still Feel Like I'm Working At It.

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When The Person Beside You Is Making You Alert And Keen And The Idea Of Being With Anyone Else Is Not Imaginable.

If You're Studying Geology, Which Is All Facts, As Soon As You Get Out Of School You Forget It All, But Philosophy You Remember Just Enough To Screw You Up For The Rest Of Your Life.

How Is It Possible To Miss A Woman Whom You Kept At A Distance, So That When She Was Gone You Would Not Miss Her?

I Will Do Anything To Look Like Him - Except, Of Course, Exercise Or Eat Right.

I Could Never Be A Woman, 'cause I'd Just Stay Home And Play With My Breasts All Day.

I'm Not A Human Being. I'm Despicable And Disgusting - But That's Where The Money Is.

I Handed In A Script Last Year And The Studio Didn't Change One Word. The Word They Didn't Change Was On Page 87.

It Was Essential That I Never Show Doubt About What I Was Doing.

You Kill Me And I'll See That You Never Work In This Town Again.

Writing Is Extremely Personal, And That's The Joy Of It For Me.

Some People Have A Way With Words, And Other People...oh, Uh, Not Have Way.

To Be With Another Woman, That Is French. To Be Caught, That Is American.

To Me, Torture Would Be, "i Can't Think What To Write In The Next Sentence. I'm Stuck." Torture Would Be If You Didn't Have The Next Idea.

I Just Gave My Cat A Bath. Now How Do I Get All This Fur Off My Tounge?

The Bluegrass Community... Can Be Very Strict. I Didn't Know If I'd Be Welcomed Into The Bluegrass Community Or Not, But I Think They Judge You Very Fairly... I Felt Really Welcome.

I Got A Flue Shot And Now My Chimney Works Perfectly.

How Many People Have Never Raised Their Hand Before?

Despite A Lack Of Natural Ability, I Did Have The One Element Necessary To All Early Creativity: Naïveté, That Fabulous Quality That Keeps You From Knowing Just How Unsuited You Are For What You Are About To Do.

Talent Is The Ability To Say Things Well, But Genius Is The Ability To, Well, Say Things.

When I Was In College, I Was Debating To Try My Hand At Show Business, Or To Become A Professor. I Just Thought Of The Risk Of Not Going Into Show Business And Always Wondering If I Would've Had A Chance. Because That's Where My Real Heart Was.

Whether I'm Involved In Creating Something Or Not, It's A Personal Issue Of Do I Respect It. But You Can Only Know That Five Or Ten Years Later.

A Kiss May Not Be The Truth, But It Is What We Wish Were True.

What I Mean Is That None Of My Talents Had A - What's That Great Word - Rubric. A Singer, An Actor, A Dancer - There Was Nothing I Could Really Say I Was. The Writing Came Much Later. And, Actually, Thank God, Because If I Had Said I'm A Singer, I Would Really Have Just Had One Thing To Do.

Or Is It That I Think Too Much?

I Believe Ronald Reagan Can Make This Country What It Once Was... An Arctic Region Covered With Ice.

I Realized That Comedians Of The Day Were Operating On Jokes And Punch Lines. The Moment You Say The Punch Line, The Audience Either Laughs Sincerely Or They Laugh Automatically Or They Don't Laugh. The Thing That Bothered Me Was That Automatic Laugh. I Said, That's Not Real Laughter.

Somewhere In The World Is...the World's Worst Doctor And He Could Be Yours.

I Just Respected Comedians Whether They Were Or They Weren't, From, You Know, New Or Old.

The Conscious Mind Is The Editor, And The Subconscious Mind Is The Writer.

Halle Berry Is Here, Whose Win Last Year Broke Down Barriers For Unbelievably Hot Women.

She Didn't Even Finish Her Last Sentence; It Just Trailed Off. I Think The Subject Had Changed In Her Head While Her Mouth Had Continued On The Old Topic, Not Realizing It Was Out Of Supplies.

You Know, There's A Moment When You're Famous When It's Unbearable To Go Out Because You're Too Famous. And Then There's A Moment When You're Famous Just Right.

When You're Touring And If You Go To A Party, There's Automatically A Celebrity-audience Distance. It Follows You Around, Especially When You're On The Road In Small Towns. Any Time There Is Awe, It Gets Very Difficult To Be Normal, To Be Yourself. But I'm Not Saying That That's What Made Me The Way I Am. I've Probably Always Been Distant.

I Believe In Equality. Equality For Everybody. No Matter How Stupid They Are Or How Superior I Am To Them.

Art As An Aesthetic Principle Was Supported By Thousands Of Years Of Discernment And Psychic Rewards, But Art As A Commodity Was Held Up By Air. The Loss Of Confidence That Affected Banks And Financial Instruments Was Not Affecting Cherubs, Cupids And Flattened Popes. The Objects Hadn't Changed: What Was There Before Was There After. But A Vacancy Was Created With The Clamoring Crowds Deserted And Retrenched.

A Joke That Works Is Complete Knowledge In A Nanosecond.

Comedy May Be Big Business But It Isn't Pretty.

A Day With Out Sun Shine Is Like..........night

Bad Psychoanalysis Would Say I Enjoyed Pleasing People, Working Really Hard And Pleasing People, Which Is Probably Related To My Father In Some Way. But I Really Liked Working Hard. When I Worked At Disneyland, I'd Do 12 Hours Straight And Go Home Thrilled.

There Is Something Going On Now In Mexico That I Happen To Think Is Cruelty To Animals. What I'm Talking About, Of Course, Is Cat Juggling.

I Think When The Movie `roxanne' Came Out, Which I Also Had Written, I Felt Something New That I Never Felt, Which Was Respect.

Reviews For Someone Like Me Come In Three Packages. One Is Justifiable Praise, The Second Is Justifiable Criticism, And The Third Is, "this Is Only Published Because He's A Celebrity."

The Banjo Is Truly An American Instrument, And It Captures Something About Our Past.

As Much As I Remember, I Just Thought, I Want To Sing A Song That Starts Normal And Ends Crazy.

I've Got To Keep Breathing. It'll Be My Worst Business Mistake If I Don't.

How To Make A Million Dollars: First, Get A Million Dollars

My Most Persistent Memory Of Stand - Up Is Of My Mouth Being In The Present And My Mind Being In The Future: The Mouth Speaking The Line, The Body Delivering The Gesture, While The Mind Looks Back, Observing, Analyzing, Judging, Worrying, And Then Deciding When And What To Say Next. Enjoyment While Performing Was Rare - Enjoyment Would Have Been An Indulgent Loss Of Focus That Comedy Cannot Afford.

The Banjo Is Such A Happy Instrument--you Can't Play A Sad Song On The Banjo - It Always Comes Out So Cheerful.

It's Very Hard Sometimes When You Can't Crack Something Or Can't Solve Something And You Keep Trying And Trying And You Know It's Falling A Little Bit Short. That's Very Hard, But Then When You Finally Do It, It's Very Rewarding And The Process Is Good Too, I Like Working With People This Way.

I Was Deeply Unhappy, But I Didn't Know It Because I Was So Happy All The Time.

I'm Not Vegas. Places I Play Usually Cost Like $3 To Get In, You Know, And People Are Going: Gee, I've Got $3, I Think I'll Throw It Away.

You Know What Your Problem Is, It's That You Haven't Seen Enough Movies - All Of Life's Riddles Are Answered In The Movies.

You Want To Know How I Think Art Should Be Taught To Children? Take Them To A Museum And Say, 'this Is Art, And You Can't Do It.

I Have Found That-- Just As In Real Life--imagination Sometimes Has To Stand In For Experience.

I Think I Did Pretty Well, Considering I Started Out With Nothing But A Bunch Of Blank Paper.

There Are Some People That Will Not Pick Up A Phone And Call You, But If You Knock On A Door And Talk To Them, They'll Talk Back To You.

You Want To Be A Bit Compulsive In Your Art Or Craft Or Whatever You Do.

Relationships End, But They Don't End Your Life. But People Do Often Spending More Time Finding Out About Failed Relationships Than Finding Successful Ones.

Bad Relationship

I Did Stand-up Comedy For 18 Years. Ten Of Those Years Were Spent Learning, Four Years Were Spent Refining, And Four Years Were Spent In Wild Success. I Was Seeking Comic Originality, And Fame Fell On Me As A Byproduct. The Course Was More Plodding Than Heroic.

Tweeting Is Really Only Good For One Thing - It's Just Good For Tweeting... It Is Rewarding, Because It's Just Its Own Reward. It's Sort Of Like Heaven.

I've Always Believed That There Are Funny People Everywhere, But They're Just Not Comedians. In Fact, Some Of My Best Comedic Inspirations Were Not Professional Entertainers.

If He Thinks He Would Harm Mirabelle, He Would Back Away. But He Does Not Yet Understand When And How People Are Hurt. He Doesn't Understand The Subtleties Of Slights And Pains, That It Is Not The Big Events That Hurt The Most But Rather The Smallest Questionable Shift In Tone At The End Of A Spoken Word That Can Plow Most Deeply Into The Heart.

I'm Always Looking For Something To Engage My Imagination And Take Me On A Little Mental Voyage. I Just Want A New Topic In My Life.

I Started A Grease Fire At Mcdonald's - Threw A Match In The Cook's Hair.

I Hope People Find My Movies Funny And Will Watch Them Years From Now. And, In Terms Of Writing, I Hope That Something Remains That Will Not Seem Old-fashioned, That Will Still Have A vibrancy To It 50 Years From Now.

I Think Probably The Most Difficult Challenge Was Just The Climb And Rise In Show Business Because I Went Through My Entire Twenties With Some Success As A Comedy Writer But Not Much As A Performer. And You Have To Be Kind Of Informed And Naive At The Same Time.

Always Make Room For The Unexpected In Yourself.

Only Then Does He Realize What He Has Done To Mirabelle, How Wanting A Square Inch Of Her And Not All Of Her Has Damaged Them Both, And How He Cannot Justify His Actions Except That, Well, It Was Life.

I Just Downloaded Eleven Hundred Books Onto My Kindle, And Now I Can’t Lift It.

If I Screw Up Raising My Kids, Nothing I Achieve Will Matter Much.

Thankfully, Persistence Is A Great Substitute For Talent.

I Have Heard It Said That A Complicated Childhood Can Lead To A Life In The Arts. I Tell You This Story Of My Father And Me To Let You Know I Am Qualified To Be A Comedian.

With A Cheery Delicacy She Divided My Obsessions Into Three Categories: Acceptable, Unacceptable, And Hilarious.

Through The Years, I Have Learned There Is No Harm In Charging Oneself Up With Delusions Between Moments Of Valid Inspiration.

Performing Music Is A Way To Do Comedy, But Without The Obligation To Do A Solid Hour, Hour And Half Of A Standup. I Could Intersperse It With Music, So It Became A Really Good Format For Me.

Love Is A Promise Delivered Already Broken.

I Cringe At Backstory. Because It Never Quite Explains Or Gets Into Some Psychological Thing That Is Never Quite Right And Never Quite The Truth And Who Knows Why Someone Is Someway.

Comedy Is A Distortion Of What Is Happening, And There Will Always Be Something Happening.

If You've Got A Dollar And You Spend 29 Cents On A Loaf Of Bread, You've Got 71 Cents Left; But If You've Got Seventeen Grand And You Spend 29 Cents On A Loaf Of Bread, You've Still Got Seventeen Grand. There's A Math Lesson For You.

Don't Have Sex Man. It Leads To Kissing And Pretty Soon You Have To Start Talking To Them.

She Has Learned That Her Body Is Precious And It Mustn't Be Offered Carelessly Ever Again, As It Holds A Direct Connection To Her Heart.

Were They Beautiful? We Were All Beautiful. We Were In Our Twenties.

The Streets Of L.a. Undulate Over Short Hills As Though A Finger Is Poking The Landscape From Underneath ... Laid Over This Crosshatch Are Streets Meandering On The Diagonal Creating A Multitude Of Ways To Get From One Place To Another By Traveling Along The Hypotenuse. These Are The Avenues Of The Tryst Which Enable Acting Student A To Travel The Eighteen Miles Across Town To Acting Student B's Garage Apartment In Nine Minutes Flat After A Hot-blooded Phone Call At Midnight.

Unlike Ray Porter, His Love Is Fearless And Without Reservation.

I Happened To Take A Photo, And There Was My Wife, My Dog And My Banjo, All In The Same Shot - And I Thought, "oh, That's Like A Family Portrait Right There."

You Know, A Lot Of People Come To Me And They Say, "steve, How Can You Be So Fucking Funny?" There's A Secret To It, It's No Big Deal. Before I Go Out, I Put A Slice Of Bologna In Each Of My Shoes. So When I'm On Stage, I Feel Funny.

I Cannot Smell Mothballs Because It's So Difficult To Get Their Little Legs Apart.

I Thought If I Had A Twitter Feed And Say I Had A Following Of A 100,000, That Means 100,000 Of Them Would Be Interested In My Book. It Was Logical, But It Didn't Turn Out To Be True. It Turned Out If I Had A Twitter Feed Of A 100,000, Four Of Them Were Interested In My Book.

Acting Is Collaborative Because You Are Working With Another Actor, And It's Almost Like A Two-man Juggling Team. You Have To Really Be In Sync.

I Was Not Naturally Talented. I Didn't Sing, Dance Or Act, Though Working Around That Minor Detail Made Me Inventive.

I Was Seeking Comic Originality, And Fame Fell On Me As A Byproduct.

It's Horrible For Someone To Listen To Someone Learning Any Instrument - When I Was First Learning The Banjo, I Used To Have To Go Out And Sit In The Car, And Even In The Summertime I'd Have To Roll Up The Windows. Because You Just Couldn't Practice A Banjo Or A Fiddle With Other People Around. Unless They're Being Paid.

The Apple Pie Hubbub Was A Significant Novel For Me, Because That's When I First Started Using Verbs.

There's Someone Out There For Everyone - Even If You Need A Pickaxe, A Compass, And Night Goggles To Find Them.

Knowledge Of Means Without Knowledge Of Ends Is Animal Training.

Lacy Was Just As Happy Alone As With Company. When She Was Alone, She Was Potential; With Others She Was Realized.

I Had Loved Magic Tricks From The Time I Was Six Or Seven. I Bought Books On Magic. I Did Magic Acts For My Parents And Their Friends. I Was Aiming For Show Business From Early Days, And Magic Was The Poor Man's Way Of Getting In: You Buy A Trick For $2, And You've Got An Act.

Well, Today The Grammys Is Much Much Better Than The Oscars. I Think The Differences In The Shows Are That The Grammys Are Much Wilder. The Oscars Is Much More People In The Industry. And People Dress Wilder, I Think, At The Grammys.

No Art Comes From The Conscious Mind.

She Looked Down Again And I Was Stymied. I Sat. Oh, This Was Enough To Make Me Love Her, Because I Was Right With Her, Understanding Every Second And Longing To Step In. I Didn’t Even Need To Know The Specific That Was Troubling Her, Because To Me Her Halting Voice Easily Stood For The General Woe That Hangs In The Air, Even On Life’s Happiest Days.

It's Like Painting The Same Blank Canvas Over And Over And Over And Over And Over. Once The Concept Is Known, You Don't Need To See Two. And That Was In The Back Of My Head, That I Was Really Done Artistically With What I Had Created Or Pastiched.

Any Type Of Humor Can Be Transferred To The Screen, As Long As There's Clarity. The Audience Wants To Know Just What They're Supposed To Be Feeling, When They're Supposed To Laugh.

Why Sip From A Tea Cup, When You Can Drink From The River.

I Am A Wild And Crazy Guy!

I Like All Kinds Of Music. I Listen To Abigail Washburn, The Punch Brothers, And Marc Johnson, The Great Clawhammer Player. I Also Listen A Lot To Sirius Radio, There's A Lot Of Bluegrass There.

The Emotions Of Men, However, Were Of A Different Order. They Were Pesky Annoyances, Small Dust Devils At Her Feet. Her Knack For Causing Heartbreak Was Innate, But Her Vitality Often Made People Forgive Her Romantic Misdeeds.

As A Human Being On Earth, You Can't Imagine Friendship Not Being Important In Some Other Solar System Or Some Other Planet, Or Some Other Context Of Beings That Are Conscious. We Even See It In Animals. It Is Important For People On Earth To Reach Out Or Reach Into Someone.

It Was So Sweet Backstage, You Should Have Seen It - The Teamsters Were Helping Michael Moore Into The Trunk Of His Limo.

You Know, You're Really Nobody In L.a. Unless You Live In A House With A Really Big Door.

Relationships End, But They Don't End Your Life.

Bad Relationship

Relationships Ending

Failed Relationship

I Think Films Are About Having A Good Time, So I Don't Know That There's A Message. The Message Of A Film Is Always What A Critic Writes, And The Fun Of A Film Or The Emotion Of A Film Is What The Audience Feels.

Communication Has Changed So Rapidly In The Last 20 Years, It's Almost Impossible To Predict What Might Occur Even In The Next Decade. E-mail, Which Now Sends Data Hurtling Across Vast Distances At The Speed Of Light, Has Replaced Primitive Forms Of Communication Such As Smoke Signals, Which Sent Data Hurtling Across Vast Distances At The Speed Of Light.

College Totally Changed My Life. It Changed What I Believe And What I Think About Everything. I Majored In Philosophy.

I Would Assign Every Lie A Color: Yellow When They Were Innocent, Pale Blue When They Sailed Over You Like The Sky, Red Because I Knew They Drew Blood. And Then There Was The Black Lie. That's The Worst Of All. A Black Lie Was When I Told You The Truth.

I Just Don't Identify Myself With A Place. I Just Don't Get It. Like, Why Am I Cheering For This Town? Towns Are Good And Bad But They Don't Have Principles, Constitutions. You Wouldn't Go To War For Your Town.

At First I Had No Skills In Writing Comedy. I Didn't Know What A Joke Was, But, As Someone Once Told Me, Your Emotions Follow Your Intent. If You Create The Intention Of Starting A Comedy Act, Slowly Your Mind Starts Adjusting And You Arrive At A New Emotional State.

There Is One Thing I Would Break Up Over, And That Is If She Caught Me With Another Woman. I Won't Stand For That.

It Was Easier To Sell A Painting That Was Not For Sale.

I Love Animated Films When They Are Good, Because They Do Bring A Lot Of Emotion And Heart That's Very Difficult To Get In A Live Action Film.

Awards Mean Nothing To Comedians. What Matters Is The Audience, How You're Doing - Artistically, For The Most Part - At That Moment.

In A Strange Way, I Don't Have A Job, So I Have A Lot Of Time On My Hands. When I Do Work, It Might Be Very Concentrated, And It Might Be Months Where You're Not Really Doing Anything Except Maybe Playing The Banjo Or Writing Something. You Know, There's A Lot Of Time In The Day If You're Not Working 9 To 5.

I'm Tired Of Wasting Letters When Punctuation Will Do, Period.

I Would Say The Three Stages Of Making A Film Are The Initial 'are We Gonna Do This,' 'how Much Will I Be Paid,' Is There A Lot Of Nights, Who's It Going To Be With? The Second Stage Of Doing A Film Is How Much Fun Your Going To Have Doing It. The Third Stage Is Was The Film A Hit?

We've Taken What Was Just Once A Racetrack And Made It A Multifaceted Gaming Destination For The Entire Region.

Comedy Makes You Humble. Because There Are So Many Opportunities To Miss, And Strike Out.

I Believe In Eight Of The Ten Commandments. I Believe In Going To Church Every Sunday... Unless There's A Game On.

I've Decided To Take Up Smoking, My Doctor Said I Wasn't Getting Enough Tar.

A Father Carries Pictures Where His Money Used To Be.

I Really Enjoy Finding The Right Word, Creating A Good, Flowing Sentence. I Enjoy The Rhythm Of The Words.

The Greatest Thing You Can Do Is Surprise Yourself.

I Did A Lot Of Things When I First Started Out. In Order To Be In Show Business, I Juggled, I Did Magic Tricks, Cards Tricks And I Played The Banjo.

Always Do Business As If The Person You're Doing Business With Is Trying To Screw You, Because He Probably Is. And If He's Not, You Can Be Pleasantly Surprised.

Teaching Is, After All, A Form Of Show Business.

So She Viewed Time Spent In The Land Of The Normal As An Investigation Into The World Of Marriage-worthy Men, Even If She Was Unsure About Her Own Interest In Marriage. There Must Be One Solid Citizen Who Also Had A Spark Of Life, A Sense Of Humor And Adventure.

But Carroll's Were More Convoluted, And They Struck Me As Funny In A New Way: 1) Babies Are Illogical. 2) Nobody Is Despised Who Can Manage A Crocodile. 3) Illogical Persons Are Despised. Therefore, Babies Cannot Manage Crocodiles. And: 1) No Interesting Poems Are Unpopular Among People Of Real Taste. 2) No Modern Poetry Is Free From Affectation. 3) All Of Your Poems Are On The Subject Of Soap Bubbles. 4) No Affected Poetry Is Popular Among People Of Taste. 5) Only A Modern Poem Would Be On The Subject Of Soap Bubbles. Therefore, All Your Poems Are Uninteresting.

...it Is Not The Big Events That Hurt The Most But Rather The Smallest Questionable Shift In Tone At The End Of A Spoken Word That Can Plow Most Deeply Into The Heart.

I Opened The Show With This Line: "i Have Decided To Give The Greatest Performance Of My Life! Oh, Wait, Sorry, That's Tomorrow Night.

When I First Started Doing My Stand-up Act, I Played The Banjo, Did Comedy, Magic Tricks, Juggled, Read Poetry. I Stuck It All In. I Didn't Know You Were Supposed To Just Stand Up And Tell Jokes. Essentially, That's What My Act Became: Those Five Elements - Except I Dropped The Poetry.

I Always Felt The Audience Sorta Tolerated The Serious Musical Parts While I Was Doing My Comedy.

I've Heard Lots Of People Lie To Themselves But They Never Fool Anyone.

So Much Emotion Can Be Brought In An Animated Film That's Very Hard To Get In A Live-action Film. I Haven't Quite Put My Finger On Why, But It Might Be Because The Characters Can Make Facial Expression That, If You Made Them In A Movie, They'd Call Them Corny.

A Celebrity Is Any Well-known Tv Or Movie Star Who Looks Like He Spends More Than Two Hours Working On His Hair.

I Was Not Self-destructive, Though I Almost Destroyed Myself. In The End, I Turned Away From Stand-up With A Tired Swivel Of My Head...

So, I Can Hurt Now, Or Hurt Later.

Comedians Don`t Get Oscars, So I Gave Up On That A Long Time Ago. And I Can`t Really Speak About The Oscar-worthiness Of My Own Performance.

I Wish I Could Do A Lot Of Things Different. I'm Not Going To Tell You What They Are, But If I Had A List Of All My Films Right Now, I'd Go, 'okay, I'll Cross That One Out And Cross That One Out And Cross That One Out And Cross That One Out.' Really. But I've Made Over 40 Films. How Can I Not Have Some Losers In There?

I Guess I Wouldn't Believe In Anything If It Weren't For My Lucky Astrology Mood Watch.

I Was Very Interested In Vaudeville. It Was The Only Sort Of Discipline That Was A Five-minute Act On Stage, Which Is What I Really Enjoyed And Saw Myself Doing. And I Bought Books On It.

I Love Doing My Surreal Sing-along That Had Words That No One Could Follow.

A Remarkable Memoir That's Packed With Anecdotes, Advice And Humor, All While Maintaining A High Level Of Dignity And Self-awareness.

You Can't Really Conduct Your Life By One Or Two Phrases.

He Never Complicates A Desire By Overthinking It, Unlike Mirabelle, Who Spins A Cocoon Around An Idea Until It Is Immobile.

No Matter How Many Times People Say It - 'oh, I'm Just Writing This For Myself' 'oh, I'm Just Doing This For Myself' - Nobody's Doing It For Themselves! You're Doing It For An Audience. So Whether I'm Performing Or Writing A Book Or Playing Music, It's Definitely To Be Put Out There And To Be Received In Some Way, Definitely.

I Loved To Make People Laugh In High School, And Then I Found I Loved Being On Stage In Front Of People. I'm Sure That's Some Kind Of Ego Trip Or A Way To Overcome Shyness. I Was Very Kind Of Shy And Reserved, So There's A Way To Be On Stage And Be Performing And Balance Your Life Out.

I Used To Smoke Marijuana. But I'll Tell You Something: I Would Only Smoke It In The Late Evening. Oh, Occasionally The Early Evening, But Usually The Late Evening - Or The Mid-evening. Just The Early Evening, Midevening And Late Evening. Occasionally, Early Afternoon, Early Mid-afternoon, Or Perhaps The Late-midafternoon. Oh, Sometimes The Early-mid-late-early Morning. . . But Never At Dusk!

I'm For The Wall Street Occupiers. But Will They Accept Me When They Find Out I Sell Packaged Mortgage Default Instruments To Children?

When You're Reaching For A Star, There's A Long Way To Fall.

He Gave Her His Phone Number, In A Peculiar Reversal Of Dating Procedure. She Might Have Considered Kissing Him, Even After The Horrible First Date, But He Just Didn’t Seem To Know What To Do. However, Jeremy Does Have One Outstanding Quality. He Likes Her. And This Quality In A Person Makes Them Infinitely Interesting To The Person Who Is Being Liked.

I Really Like The Animated Film Process. It's Kind Of Like Doing A Play, Because You Can Experiment With It, Rewrite It, Screen It, Go Back, Then Work On It A Little Bit More. If The Joke Doesn't Work, You Can Fix It. It's Different From A Live Action Movie.

So, While Fitting In, She Was Like A Wicked Detail Standing Out Against A Placid Background.

I Understood That As Much As I Had Resisted The Outside, As Much As I Had Constricted My Life, As Much As I Had Closed And Narrowed The Channels Into Me, There Were Still Many Takers For The Quiet Heart.

For A While, Mirabelle Believes There Will Be A Moment When He Will Cave In And Let Himself Love Her, But Eventually She Lets The Idea Go. She Hits Bottom. She Dwells In The Muck For Several Months, Not Depressed Exactly, But Involved In A Mourning That At First She Thinks Is For Ray But Soon Realizes Is For The Loss Of Her Old Self.

She Was Feeling Her Bohemian Oats.

When People Ask Me, ‘how Do You Make It In Show Business,’ Or Whatever, What I Always Tell Them — And Nobody Ever Takes Note Of It ‘cuz It’s Not The Answer They Wanted To Hear…but I Always Say, ‘be So Good They Can’t Ignore You.’

What Is A Movie Star? A Movie Star Is Many Things. They Can Be Tall, Short, Thin, Or Skinny. They Can Be Democrats... Or Skinny.

I Couldn't See His Face, Because The Light Came In From Behind Him And He Was In Shadow, And He Said, "i Am Picasso." And I Said, "well, So What?

Be So Good They Can't Ignore You.

Nothing I Do Is Done By Popular Demand.

In My Banjo Show With The Steep Canyon Rangers, I Do Do Comedy During That Show. It'd Be Absurd Just To Stand There Mute And Play 25 Banjo Songs.

The Teen Years Are Extremely Serious And Everything Matters And Every Insult Really Hurts. I Know There Are Cliques And Bullying. And You Don't Yet understand That It Will All Go Away.

To Have Someone Play Off And Be With A Band Is More Pleasurable.

Acting Keeps Me Alert To People, And Life. I Don't Know, There's Something About Going To Work Early In The Morning, And Having To Stay Alert And Concentrated. Maybe That Keeps Your Mind Alive.

I Ignored My Stand-up Career For Twenty-five Years, But Now, Having Finished This Memoir, I View This Time With Surprising Warmth. One Can Have, It Turns Out, An Affection For The War Years.

... You're Nuts But You're Welcome Here.

I Knew I Could Only Play Cyrano If He Were Americanized. I Had No Intention Of Writing The Script Myself. I Was Afraid Of It. You're Playing With Fire When You Tamper With A Classic. So I Went Looking For A Writer. But It Was Such A Personal Idea, And Anyone I Would Give It To Would Make It His Own. It's Hard To Ask Neil Simon To Write Your Idea.

Anyway, Seeking Work Is A Tad Difficult Given The Poor Design Of The Streets With Their Prohibitive Curbs And Driveways That Don't Quite Line Up.

The Matisse Seemed To Respond To The Decreasing Light By Increasing Its Own Wattage. Every Object In The Room Was Drained Of Color, But The Matisse Stood Firm In The De-escalating Illumination, Its Beauty Turning Functionality Inside Out, Making Itself A More Practical And Useful Presence Than Anything Else In Sight.

I Believe The United States Should Allow All Foreigners In This Country, Provided They Can Speak Our Native Language... Apache.

Native Language

I Find Animated Movies Very Touching. They Reach An Audience That's Hard To Get With A Live-action Film.

Thankfully, Perseverance Is A Good Substitute For Talent.

It's Not Tipping I Believe In. It's Overtipping.

I Always Think Back To My High School Days And Realize All The People Who Were So Popular Then Are Nowhere Now And All The People Who Were Steadfast And Steady-going Are Somewhere. So High School Doesn't Necessarily Translate To Later In Life.

I Like What A Third Man Brings. A Kind Of Oblique Vision, Seeing Something In The Material That You Didn't Know Was There. As A Comedian, I'm Always Listening To The Audience. And In Movies, Sometimes The Only Audience You Have Is The Producer And The Director. I Like Having Someone Else's Opinion, Especially If You're On The Same Wavelength.

I Don't Think Anyone Is Ever Writing So That You Can Throw It Away. You're Always Writing It To Be Something. Later, You Decide Whether It'll Ever See The Light Of Day. But At The Moment Of Its Writing, It's Always Meant To Be Something. So, To Me, There's No Practicing; There's Only Editing And Publishing Or Not Publishing.

You Know That Look That Women Get When They Want To Have Sex? Me Neither.

It Eventually Appeared To Be Me, Cinematically. When I Was Writing It I Was Actually An Author, You Know, Writing A Book. ... But There Certainly Is A Difference In Energy Between A Younger Man And An Older Man.

I Loved Magic, And So I Would Practice My Magic Tricks In Front Of A Mirror For Hours And Hours And Hours Because I Was Told That You Must Practice, You Must Practice And Never Present A Trick Before It's Ready.

What Is Comedy? Comedy Is The Art Of Making People Laugh Without Making Them Puke.

I Have No Fear, No Fear At All. I Wake Up, And I Have No Fear. I Go To Bed Without Fear. Fear, Fear, Fear, Fear. Yes, 'fear' Is A Word That Is Not In My Vocabulary.

I Like A Woman With A Head On Her Shoulders. I Hate Necks.

Talking About Music Is Like Dancing About Architecture.

Yeah, Well, We're All Writers, Aren't We? He's A Writer That Hasn't Been Published, And I'm A Writer Who Hasn't Written Anything.

It's Funny That Some Ideas Start With A Little "what If?" And Then Suddenly You're Spending A Million Dollars To Shoot The Scene And Hoping That It Works.

There's A Big Difference Between The National Book Awards And The Academy Awards. At The Academy Awards You Can Feel The Greed And Envy And Ego. Whereas The National Book Awards Are In New York.

A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, You Know, Night.

I Believe That Sex Is One Of The Most Beautiful, Natural, Wholesome Things That Money Can Buy.

I Never Had A Movie That I Wanted To Do Turned Down In My Whole Life. I Always Write The Script First So It Speaks For Itself.

When I Die, Now Don't Think That I'm A Nut, Don't Want No Fancy Funeral, Just One Like Old King Tut.

Writing Is Something I Took Up Rather Than Anything I Had An Inclination Toward. I Like Acting -delivering Someone Else's Message - But Writing Is More Of An Accomplishment.

I Think Communication Is So Firsbern.

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Shelagh Delaney

Fulton J. Sheen

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