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At Last I Took One Big, Callused Hand And Slid Forward So I Knelt On The Boards Between His Knees. I Laid My Head Against His Chest, And Felt His Breath Stir My Hair. I Had No Words, But I Had Made My Choice. "'whither Thou Goest,'" I Said. "'i Will Go; And Where Thou Lodgest, I Will Lodge: Thy People Shall Be My People, And Thy God My God: Where Thou Diest, Will I Die, And There Will I Be Buried.' Be It Scottish Hill Or Southern Forest. You Do What You Have To; I'll Be There.

-Diana Gabaldon

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At Last I Took

Diana Gabaldon

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At Last I Took One Big, Callused Hand And Slid Forward So I Knelt On The Boards Between His Knees. I Laid My Head Against His Chest, And Felt His Breath Stir My Hair. I Had No Words, But I Had Made My Choice. "'whither Thou Goest,'" I Said. "'i Will Go; And Where Thou Lodgest, I Will Lodge: Thy People Shall Be My People, And Thy God My God: Where Thou Diest, Will I Die, And There Will I Be Buried.' Be It Scottish Hill Or Southern Forest. You Do What You Have To; I'll Be There.

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I Stood Still, Vision Blurring, And In That Moment, I Heard My Heart Break. It Was A Small, Clean Sound, Like The Snapping Of A Flower's Stem.

You Might Not Be The First Person L Kissed, But You Will Be The Last' Jamie To Claire In Outlander (not Word Perfect)

Aye, Well, He'll Be Wed A Long Time," He Said Callously. "do Him No Harm To Keep His Breeches On For One Night. And They Do Say That Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Firmer, No?" "absence," I Said, Dodging The Spoon For A Moment. "and Fonder. If Anything's Growing Firmer From Abstinence, It Wouldn't Be His Heart.

But Just Then, For That Fraction Of Time, It Seems As Though All Things Are Possible. You Can Look Across The Limitations Of Your Own Life, And See That They Are Really Nothing. In That Moment When Time Stops, It Is As Though You Know You Could Undertake Any Venture, Complete It And Come Back To Yourself, To Find The World Unchanged, And Everything Just As You Left It A Moment Before. And It's As Though Knowing That Everything Is Possible, Suddenly Nothing Is Necessary.

That's What Marriage Is Good For; It Makes A Sacrament Out Of Things Ye'd Otherwise Have To Confess. Jamie Fraser

You'll Lie Wi' Me Now," He Said Quietly. "and I Shall Use Ye As I Must. And If You'll Have Your Revenge For It, Then Take It And Welcome, For My Soul Is Yours, In All The Black Corners Of It.

I Swore An Oath Before The Altar Of God To Protect This Woman. And If You're Tellin' Me That Ye Consider Your Own Authority To Be Greater Than That Of The Almighty, Then I Must Inform Ye That I'm Not Of That Opinion, Myself.

Your Face Is My Heart

Where Did You Learn To Kiss Like That?” I Said, A Little Breathless. He Grinned And Pulled Me Close Again. “i Said I Was A Virgin, Not A Monk,” He Said, Kissing Me Again. “if I Find I Need Guidance, I’ll Ask.

How Did You Keep This By You?" Grey Demanded Abruptly. "you Were Searched To The Skin When You Were Brought Back." The Wide Mouth Curved Slightly In The First Genuine Smile Grey Had Seen. "i Swallowed It," Fraser Said. Grey's Hand Closed Convulsively On The Sapphire. He Opened His Hand And Rather Gingerly Set The Gleaming Blue Thing On The Table By The Chess Piece. "i See," He Said. "i'm Sure You Do, Major," Said Fraser, With A Gravity That Merely Made The Glint Of Amusement In His Eyes More Pronounced. "a Diet Of Rough Parritch Has Its Advantages, Now And Again.

The Colors Of Living Things Begin To Fade With The Last Breath, And The Soft, Springy Skin And Supple Muscle Rot Within Weeks. But The Bones Sometimes Remain, Faithful Echoes Of The Shape, To Bear Some Last Faint Witness To The Glory Of What Was.

He Gave You To Me," She Said, So Low I Could Hardly Hear Her. "now I Have To Give You Back To Him, Mama.

"sassenach." He Had Called Me That From The First; The Gaelic Word For Outlander, A Stranger. An Englishman. First In Jest, Then In Affection.

Then Kiss Me, Claire," He Whispered, "and Know That You Are More To Me Than Life, And I Have No Regret.

Then The Room Relaxed In Cheers And Babbling, And She Turned In His Arms To Kiss Him Hard And Cling To Him, And He Thought Perhaps It Didn't Matter That They Faced In Opposite Directions - So Long As They Faced Each Other.' Roger Wakefield {drums Of Autumn}

I'll Leave It To You, Sassenach," He Said Dryly, "to Imagine What It Feels Like To Arrive Unexpectedly In The Midst Of A Brothel, In Possession Of A Verra Large Sausage.

It Was A Beautiful Bright Autumn Day, With Air Like Cider And A Sky So Blue You Could Drown In It.

Sometimes,' He Whispered At Last, 'sometimes, I Dream I Am Singing, And I Wake From It With My Throat Aching.' He Couldn't See Her Face, Or The Tears That Prickled At The Corners Of Her Eyes. 'what Do You Sing?' She Whispered Back. She Heard The Shush Of The Linen Pillow As He Shook His Head. 'no Song I've Ever Heard, Or Know,' He Said Softly. 'but I Know I'm Singing It For You.

The Rest Of The Journey Passed Uneventfully, If You Consider It Uneventful To Ride Fifteen Miles On Horseback Through Rough Country At Night, Frequently Without Benefit Of Roads, In Company With Kilted Men Armed To The Teeth, And Sharing A Horse With A Wounded Man. At Least We Were Not Set Upon By Highwaymen, We Encountered No Wild Beasts, And It Didn't Rain. By The Standards I Was Becoming Used To, It Was Quite Dull.

Why, What's The Matter Wi' The Poor Child?" She Demanded Of Jamie. "has She Had An Accident O' Some Sort?" "no, It's Only She's Married Me," He Said, "though If Ye Care To Call It An Accident, Ye May.

I Was Crying And Laughing, Snuffing Tears And Blood, Bumping At Him With My Bound Hands, Trying Awkwardly To Thrust Them At Him So That He Could Cut The Rope. He Quit Grappling, And Clutched Me So Hard Against Him That I Yelped In Pain As My Face Was Pressed Against His Plaid. He Was Saying Something Else, Urgently, But I Couldn’t Manage To Translate It. Energy Pulsed Through Him, Hot And Violent, Like The Current In A Live Wire, And I Vaguely Realized That He Was Still Almost Berserk; He Had No English.

So Remember It, Lad. If Your Head Thinks Up Mischief, Your Backside's Going To Pay For It. Brian Fraser To Young Jamie

The Past Is Gone-the Future Is Not Come. And We Are Here Together, You And I.

Do You Know,' He Said Again Softly, Addressing His Hands, 'what It Is To Love Someone, And Never - Never! - Be Able To Give Them Peace, Or Joy, Or Happiness?' He Looked Up Then, Eyes Filled With Pain. 'to Know That You Cannot Give Them Happiness, Not Through Any Fault Of Yours Or Theirs, But Only Because You Were Not Born The Right Person For Them?

I Always Thought It Would Be A Simple Matter To Lie Wi' A Woman, He Said Softly. And Yet... I Want To Fall On My Face At Your Feet And Worship You"-he Dropped The Towel And Reached Out, Taking Me By The Shoulders-"and Still I Want To Force Ye To Your Knees Before Me, And Hold Ye There Wi' Me Hands Tangled In Your Hair, And Your Mouth At My Service...and I Want Both Things At The Same Time, Sassenach.

And When My Body Shall Cease, My Soul Will Still Be Yours, Claire? I Swear By My Hope Of Heaven, I Will Not Be Parted From You." The Wind Stirred The Leaves Of The Chestnut Trees Nearby, And The Scents Of Late Summer Rose Up Rich Around Us; Pine And Grass And Strawberries, Sun-warmed Stone And Cool Water, And The Sharp, Musky Smell Of His Body Next To Mine. "nothing Is Lost, Sassenach; Only Changed." "that's The First Law Of Thermodynamics," I Said, Wiping My Nose. "no," He Said. "that's Faith.

I Will Find You," He Whispered In My Ear. "i Promise. If I Must Endure Two Hundred Years Of Purgatory, Two Hundred Years Without You - Then That Is My Punishment, Which I Have Earned For My Crimes. For I Have Lied, And Killed, And Stolen; Betrayed And Broken Trust. But There Is The One Thing That Shall Lie In The Balance. When I Shall Stand Before God, I Shall Have One Thing To Say, To Weigh Against The Rest." His Voice Dropped, Nearly To A Whisper, And His Arms Tightened Around Me. Lord, Ye Gave Me A Rare Woman, And God! I Loved Her Well.

For So Many Years, For So Long, I Have Been So Many Things, So Many Different Men. But Here," He Said, So Softly I Could Barely Hear Him, "here In The Dark, With You… I Have No Name.

If I Die," He Whispered In The Dark, "dinna Follow Me. The Bairns Will Need Ye. Stay For Them. I Can Wait.

There Is An Oath Upon Her," He Said To Arch, And I Realized Dimly That He Was Still Speaking In Gaelic, Though I Understood Him Clearly. "she May Not Kill, Save It Is For Mercy Or Her Life. It Is Myself Who Kills For Her.

Through Eons Of Living In A Land So Poor There Was Little To Eat But Oats, They Had As Usual Converted Necessity Into A Virtue, And Insisted That They Liked The Stuff.

I Can Bear Pain Myself, He Said Softly, But I Couldna Bear Yours. That Would Take More Strength Than I Have.

I Prayed All The Way Up That Hill Yesterday, He Said Softly. Not For You To Stay; I Didna Think That Would Be Right. I Prayed I'd Be Strong Enough To Send Ye Away. He Shook His Head, Still Gazing Up The Hill, A Faraway Look In His Eyes. I Said 'lord, If I've Never Had Courage In My Life Before, Let Me Have It Now. Let Me Be Brave Enough Not To Fall On My Knees And Beg Her To Stay.' He Pulled His Eyes Away From The Cottage And Smiled Briefly At Me. Hardest Thing I Ever Did, Sassenach.

What Underlies Great Science Is What Underlies Great Art, Whether It Is Visual Or Written, And That Is The Ability To Distinguish Patterns Out Of Chaos.

It Would Ha' Been A Good Deal Easier, If Ye'd Only Been A Witch.

So Long As My Body Lives, And Yours -- We Are One Flesh," He Whispered, "and When My Body Shall Cease, My Soul Will Still Be Yours. Claire -- I Swear By My Hope Of Heaven, I Will Not Be Parted From You.

He Splayed A Hand Out Over The Photographs, Trembling Fingers Not Quite Touching The Shiny Surface, And Then He Turned And Leaned Toward Me, Slowly, With The Improbable Grace Of A Tall Tree Falling. He Buried His Face In My Shoulder And Went Very Quietly And Thoroughly To Pieces.

I'm Afraid That My Wife Picked Up A Number Of Colorful Expressions From The Yanks And Such, Frank Offered, With A Nervous Smile. True, I Said, Gritting My Teeth As I Wrapped A Water-soaked Napkin About My Hand. Men Tend To Be Very Colorful When You're Picking Shrapnel Out Of Them.

Oh, Aye, Sassenach. I Am Your Master . . . And You're Mine. Seems I Canna Possess Your Soul Without Losing My Own.

...well, If Women's Work Was Never Done, Why Trouble About How Much Of It Wasn't Being Accomplished At Any Given Moment?

Then Let Amourous Kisses Dwell On Our Lips, Begin And Tell A Thousand And A Hundred Score A Hundred And A Thousand More

Oh, Womanly Sympathy, Love And Food?" I Said, Laughing. "don't Want A Lot, Do You?

I Had One Last Try. "does It Bother You That I'm Not A Virgin?" He Hesitated A Moment Before Answering. "well, No," He Said Slowly, "so Long As It Doesna Bother You That I Am." He Grinned At My Drop-jawed Expression, And Backed Toward The Door. "reckon One Of Us Should Know What They're Doing," He Said. The Door Closed Softly Behind Him; Clearly The Courtship Was Over.

Bedding Her Could Be Anything From Tenderness To Riot, But To Take Her When She Was A Bit The Worse For Drink Was Always A Particular Delight. Intoxicated, She Took Less Care For Him Than Usual; Abandoned And Oblivious To All But Her Own Pleasure, She Would Rake Him, Bite Him - And Beg Him To Serve Her So, As Well. He Loved The Feeling Of Power In It, The Tantalizing Choice Between Joining Her At Once In Animal Lust, Or Of Holding Himself-for A Time- In Check, So As To Drive Her At His Whim.

The Most Irritating Thing About Cliches, I Decided, Was How Frequently They Were True.

He Leaned Close, Rubbing His Bearded Cheek Against My Ear. 'and How About A Sweet Kiss, Now, For The Brave Lads Of The Clan Mackenzie? Tulach Ard!' Erin Go Bragh,' I Said Rudely, And Pushed With All My Strength.

Scots Have Long Memories, And They're Not The Most Forgiving Of People.

Really Love Him, I Mean," Geilie Persisted. "not Just To Bed Him; I Know You Want That, And He Does Too. They All Do. But Do You Love Him?" Did I Love Him? Beyond The Urges Of The Flesh? The Hole Had The Dark Anonymity Of The Confessional, And A Soul On The Verge Of Death Had No Time For Lies. "yes," I Said, And Laid My Head Back On My Knees. It Was Silent In The Hole For Some Time, And I Hovered Once More On The Verge Of Sleep, When I Heard Her Speak Once More, As Though To Herself. "so It's Possible," She Said Thoughtfully.

…but Sassenach—i Am The True Home Of Your Heart, And I Know That.” He Lifted My Hands To His Mouth And Kissed My Upturned Palms, One And Then The Other, His Breath Warm And His Beard-stubble Soft On My Fingers. “i Have Loved Others, And I Do Love Many, Sassenach—but You Alone Hold All My Heart, Whole In Your Hands,” He Said Softly. “and You Know That.

He's A Man...and That's No Small Thing To Be.

Sometimes Our Best Action Result In Things That Are Most Regrettable.

It Has Always Been Forever, For Me, Sassenach

I Read All The Time. People Ask, 'do You Read While You Work?' And I Say, 'i Better.' I Take Two Or Three Years To Finish One Of My Enormous Books, And I Can't Go That Long Without Reading.

...sitting And Waiting Is One Of The Most Miserable Occupations Known To Man - Not That It Usually Is Known To Men; Women Do It Much More Often.

Time Is A Lot Of The Things People Say That God Is. There's Always Preexisting, And Having No End. There's The Notion Of Being All Powerful-because Nothing Can Stand Against Time, Can It? Not Mountains, Not Armies. And Time Is, Of Course, All-healing. Give Anything Enough Time, And Everything Is Taken Care Of: All Pain Encompassed, All Hardship Erased, All Loss Subsumed. Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust. Remember, Man, That Thou Art Dust; And Unto Dust Thou Shalt Return. And If Time Is Anything Akin To God, I Suppose That Memory Must Be The Devil.

If I Find I Need Guidance, I’ll Ask.

I Have No Objection To Well-written Romance, But I'd Read Enough Of It To Know That That's Not What I Had Written. I Also Knew That If It Was Sold As Romance I'd Never Be Reviewed By The 'new York Times' Or Any Other Literarily Respectable Newspaper - Which Is Basically True, Although The 'washington Post' Did Get Round To Me Eventually.

Do Ye Dare To Draw Arms Against The Justice Of God?" Snapped The Tubby Little Judge. Jamie Drew The Sword Completely, With A Flash Of Steel, Then Thrust It Point-first Into The Ground, Leaving The Hilt Quivering With The Force Of The Blow. "i Draw It In Defense Of This Women, And The Truth," He Said "if Any Here Be Against Those Two They'll Answer To Me, And Then God, In That Order.

He Was Dead. However, His Nose Throbbed Painfully, Which He Thought Odd In The Circumstances.

He Reached Forward Then Took Me In His Arms, Held Me Close For A Moment, The Breath Of Snow And Ashes Cold Around Us. Then He Kissed Me, Released Me, And I Took A Deep Breath Of Cold Air, Harsh With The Scent Of Burning.

A Cold Supper, Were You Thinking? I Asked Dubiously. I Was Not, He Said Firmly, I Mean To Light A Roaring Fire In The Kitchen Hearth, Fry Up A Dozen Eggs In Butter, And Eat Them All, Then Lay Ye Down On The Hearth Rug And Roger Ye 'till You - Is That All Right? He Inquired, Noticing My Look. 'til I What? I Asked Fascinated By His Description Of The Evening's Program. 'til Ye Burst Into Flame And Take Me With Ye, I Suppose, He Said, And Stooping, Swooped Me Up Into His Arms And Carried Me Across The Darkened Threshold.

When You Hold A Child To Your Breast To Nurse, The Curve Of The Little Head Echoes Exactly The Curve Of The Breast It Suckles, As Though This New Person Truly Mirrors The Flesh From Which It Sprang.

There Aren't Any Answers, Only Choices

Do Ye Not Understand?"he Said, In Near Desparation. "i Would Lay The World At Your Feet, Claire-and I Have Nothing To Give Ye!" He Honestly Thought It Mattered.

This Wife You Have, Bird Said At Last, Deeply Contemplative, Did You Pay A Great Deal For Her? She Cost Me Almost Everything I Had, He Said, With A Wry Tone That Made The Others Laugh. But Worth It.

Oh, Claire, Ye Do Break My Heart Wi' Loving You.

I Had Kissed My Share Of Men, Particularly During The War Years, When Flirtation And Instant Romance Were The Light-minded Companions Of Death And Uncertainty. Jamie, Thought, Was Something Different. His Extreme Gentleness Was In No Way Tentative; Rather It Was A Promise Of Power Known And Held In Leash; A Challenge And A Provocation The More Remarkable For Its Lack Of Demand. I Am Yours, It Said. And If You Will Have Me, Then.

While The Lord Might Insist That Vengeance Was His, No Male Highlander Of My Acquaintance Had Ever Thought It Right That The Lord Should Be Left To Handle Such Things Without Assistance.

To See The Years Touch Ye Gives Me Joy", He Whispered, "for It Means That Ye Live.

I Felt The Tributaries Of His Veins, Wished To Enter Into His Bloodstream, Travel There, Dissolved And Bodiless, To Take Refuge In The Thick Walled Chambers Of His Heart.

Everyone Can Lie, Young Roger, Given Cause Enough. Even Me. It's Only That It's Harder For Those Of Us Who Live In Glass Faces; We Have To Think Up Our Lies Ahead Of Time.

Once You've Chosen A Man, Don't Try To Change Him', I Wrote With More Confidence. 'it Can't Be Done. More Important-don't Let Him Try To Change You.

Sassenach, I've Been Stabbed, Bitten, Slapped, And Whipped Since Supper - Which I Didna Get To Finish. I Dinna Like To Scare Children An I Dinna Like To Flog Men, And I've Had To Do Both. I've Two Hundred English Camped Three Miles Away, And No Idea What To Do About Them. I'm Tired, I'm Hungry, And I'm Sore. If You've Anything Like Womanly Sympathy About Ye, I Could Use A Bit!

Does It Ever Stop? The Wanting You?" "even When I've Just Left Ye. I Want You So Much My Chest Feels Tight And My Fingers Ache With Wanting To Touch Ye Again.

When The Day Shall Come That We Do Part," He Said Softly, And Turned To Look At Me, "if My Last Words Are Not 'i Love You'-ye'll Ken It Was Because I Didna Have Time.

One Dictum I Had Learned On The Battlefields Of France In A Far Distant War: You Cannot Save The World, But You Might Save The Man In Front Of You, If You Work Fast Enough.

Overall, The Library Held A Hushed Exultation, As Though The Cherished Volumes Were All Singing Soundlessly Within Their Covers.

There Are Things That I Canna Tell You, At Least Not Yet. And I'll Ask Nothing Of Ye That Ye Canna Give Me. But What I Would Ask Of Ye---when You Do Tell Me Something, Let It Be The Truth. And I'll Promise Ye The Same. We Have Nothing Now Between Us, Save---respect, Perhaps. And I Think That Respect Has Maybe Room For Secrets, But Not For Lies. Do Ye Agree?

That's Not Precisely What I Had In Mind." Jamie, I Had Found Out By Accident A Few Days Previously, Had Never Mastered The Art Of Winking One Eye. Instead, He Blinked Solemnly, Like A Large Red Owl.

I Meant It, Claire,' He Said Quietly. 'my Life Is Yours. And It's Yours To Decide What We Shall Do, Where We Go Next. To France, To Italy, Even Back To Scotland. My Heart Has Been Yours Since First I Saw Ye, And You've Held My Soul And Body Between Your Two Hands Here, And Kept Them Safe. We Shall Go As Ye Say.

I Do Know It, My Own. Let Me Tell Ye In Your Sleep How Much I Love You. For There's No So Much I Can Be Saying To Ye While Ye Wake, But The Same Poor Words, Again And Again. While Ye Sleep In My Arms, I Can Say Things To Ye That Would Be Daft And Silly Waking, And Your Dreams Will Know The Truth Of Them. Go Back To Sleep, Mo Duinne.

You Could Tell From The Books Whether A Library Was Meant For Show Or Not. Books That Were Used Had An Open, Interested Feel To Them, Even If Closed And Neatly Lined Up On A Shelf In Strict Order With Their Fellows. You Felt As Though The Book Took As Much Interest In You As You Did In It And Was Willing To Help When You Reached For It.

Am I A Man? To Want You So Badly That Nothing Else Matters? To See You, And Know I Would Sacrifice Honor Or Family Or Life Itself To Lie Wi' You, Even Though Ye'd Left Me?

There Comes A Turning Point In Intense Physical Struggle Where One Abandons Oneself To A Profligate Usage Of Strength And Bodily Resource, Ignoring The Costs Until The Struggle Is Over. Women Find This Point In Childbirth; Men In Battle.

Roger Speaking To Brianna: It's Too Important. You Don't Forget Having A Dad." You Do Remember Your Father?" No. I Remember Yours.

No Wonder He Was So Good With Horses, I Thought Blearily, Feeling His Fingers Rubbing Gently Behind My Ears, Listening To The Soothing, Incomprehensible Speech. If I Were A Horse, I’d Let Him Ride Me Anywhere.

I Have Lived Through War, And Lost Much. I Know What's Worth The Fight, And What Is Not. Honor And Courage Are Matters Of The Bone, And What A Man Will Kill For, He Will Sometimes Die For, Too. And That, O Kinsman, Is Why A Woman Has Broad Hips; That Bony Basin Will Harbor A Man And His Child Alike. A Man's Life Springs From His Woman's Bones, And In Her Blood Is His Honor Christened. For The Sake Of Love Alone, I Would Walk Through Fire Again.

I Work Late At Night. I'm Awake And Nobody Bothers Me. It's Quiet And Things Come And Talk To Me In The Silence.

I Didn't Say You Shouldn't Worry, Do You Think I Don't Worry? But No, You Probably Can't Do Anything About Me.' 'well, Maybe No, Sassenach, And Maybe So. But I've Lived A Long Enough Time Now To Think It Maybe Doesna Matter So Much-- So Long As I Can Love You.' -claire & Jamie Fraser

You Dinna Need To Understand Me, Sassenach," He Said Quietly. "so Long As You Love Me.

You Are Mine, Always, If Ye Will It Or No, If Ye Want Me Or Nay. Mine, And I Willna Let Ye Go

As Usual, The Note Occupied Less Than A Page And Included Neither Salutation Nor Closing, Uncle Hal's Opinion Being That Since The Letter Had A Direction Upon It, The Intended Recipient Was Obvious, The Seal Indicated Plainly Who Had Written It, And He Did Not Waste His Time In Writing To Fools.

For Where All Love Is, The Speaking Is Unnecessary

Lord That She Might Be Safe. She And My Children.

Has He Come Armed, Then?” She Asked Anxiously. “has He Brought A Pistol Or A Sword?” Ian Shook His Head, His Dark Hair Lifting Wildly In The Wind. “oh, No, Mam!” He Said. “it’s Worse. He’s Brought A Lawyer!

I Thought The Force Of My Wanting Must Wake Ye, Surely. And Then Ye Did Come. . ." He Stopped, Looking At Me With Eyes Gone Soft And Dark. "christ, Claire, Ye Were So Beautiful, There On The Stair, Wi' Your Hair Down And The Shadow Of Your Body With The Light Behind Ye…." He Shook His Head Slowly. "i Did Think I Should Die, If I Didna Have Ye," He Said Softly. "just Then.

If Ye Loved Him, He Must Ha' Been A Good Man.' 'yes, He...was.' 'then I Shall Do My Best To Honor His Spirit By Serving His Wife.

If I Die Before I Say 'i Love You' It's Because I Didn't Have The Time.

Deftly Whipping A Small Tuning Fork From His Pocket, He Struck It Smartly Against A Pillar And Held It Next To Jamie's Left Ear. Jamie Rolled His Eyes Heavenward, But Shrugged And Obligingly Sang A Note. The Little Man Jerked Back As Though He'd Been Shot.

I Wept Bitterly, Surrendering Momentarily To My Fear And Heartbroken Confusion, But Slowly I Began To Quiet A Bit, As Jamie Stroked My Neck And Back, Offering Me The Comfort Of His Broad, Warm Chest. My Sobs Lessened And I Began To Calm Myself, Leaning Tiredly Into The Curve Of His Shoulder. No Wonder He Was So Good With Horses, I Thought Blearily, Feeling His Fingers Rubbing Gently Behind My Ears, Listening To The Soothing, Incomprehensible Speech. If I Were A Horse, I'd Let Him Ride Me Anywhere.

You Are Safe," He Said Firmly. "you Have My Name And My Family, My Clan, And If Necessary, The Protection Of My Body As Well. The Man Willna Lay Hands On Ye Again, While I Live.

Only You," He Said, So Softly I Could Barely Hear Him. "to Worship Ye With My Body, Give Ye All The Service Of My Hands. To Give Ye My Name, And All My Heart And Soul With It. Only You. Because Ye Will Not Let Me Lie--and Yet Ye Love Me.

You Are My Courage, As I Am Your Conscience," He Whispered. "you Are My Heart---and I Your Compassion. We Are Neither Of Us Whole, Alone. Do Ye Not Know That, Sassenach?

I Thought I Could Make Out Jamie's Highland Screech, But That Was Likely Imagination; They All Sounded Equally Demented.

Catholics Don't Believe In Divorce. We Do Believe In Murder. There's Always Confession, After All. --brianna Fraser To Roger Mackenzie

Ye Are Blood Of My Blood, And Bone Of My Bone, I Give Ye My Body, That We Two Might Be One. I Give Ye My Spirit, 'til Our Life Shall Be Done.

Men Would Eat Horse Droppings, If Ye Served Them Wi' Butter.

Do You Really Think We'll Ever--" "i Do," He Said With Certainty, Not Letting Me Finish. He Leaned Over And Kissed My Forehead. "i Know It, Sassenach, And So Do You. You Were Meant To Be A Mother, And I Surely Dinna Intend To Let Anyone Else Father Your Children.

Not For The First Time, I Reflected That Intimacy And Romance Are Not Synonymous.

While Ye Sleep In My Arms, I Can Say Things To Ye That Would Be Daft And Silly Waking, And Your Dreams Will Know The Truth Of Them.

For I Had Come Back, And I Dreamed Once More In The Cool Air Of The Highlands. And The Voice Of My Dream Still Echoed Through Ears And Heart, Repeated With The Sound Of Brianna's Sleeping Breath. "you Are Mine," It Had Said. "mine. And I Will Not Let You Go.

And Finally I Put Down The Last And The Best Advice I Knew, On Growing Older. 'stand Up Straight And Try Not To Get Fat.

I Dinna Know What's A Sadist. And If I Forgive You For This Afternoon, I Reckon You'll Forgive Me, Too, As Soon As Ye Can Sit Down Again." "as For My Pleasure..." His Lip Twitched. "i Said I Would Have To Punish You. I Did Not Say I Wasna Going To Enjoy It." He Crooked A Finger At Me. "come Here.

At Last I Took One Big, Callused Hand And Slid Forward So I Knelt On The Boards Between His Knees. I Laid My Head Against His Chest, And Felt His Breath Stir My Hair. I Had No Words, But I Had Made My Choice. "'whither Thou Goest,'" I Said. "'i Will Go; And Where Thou Lodgest, I Will Lodge: Thy People Shall Be My People, And Thy God My God: Where Thou Diest, Will I Die, And There Will I Be Buried.' Be It Scottish Hill Or Southern Forest. You Do What You Have To; I'll Be There.

Hodie Mihi Cras Tibi, Said The Inscription. Sic Transit Gloria Mundi. My Turn Today, Yours Tomorrow. And Thus Passes Away The Glory Of The World.

She Sounded As Though Love Were An Unfortunate But Unavoidable Condition.

Highlanders Make The Truest Friends-if Only Because They Make The Worst Enemies.

We Have Nothing Now Between Us, Save - Respect, Perhaps. And I Think That Respect Has Maybe Room For Secrets, But Not For Lies.

It Wasn't A Thing I Had Consciously Missed, But Having It Now Reminded Me Of The Joy Of It; That Drowsy Intimacy In Which A Man's Body Is Accessible To You As Your Own, The Strange Shapes And Textures Of It Like A Sudden Extension Of Your Own Limbs.

D'ye Think I Don't Know?" He Asked Softly. "it's Me That Has The Easy Part Now. For If Ye Feel For Me As I Do For You-then I'm Asking You To Tear Out Your Heart And Live Without It.

There Were Moments, Of Course. Those Small Spaces In Time, Too Soon Gone, When Everything Seems To Stand Still, And Existence Is Balanced On A Perfect Point, Like The Moment Of Change Between The Dark And The Light, And When Both And Neither Surround You.

You're Tearin' My Guts Out, Claire.

If She Was Broken, She Would Slash Him With Her Jagged Edges, Reckless As A Drunkard With A Shattered Bottle.

No Wonder Men Got Impervious To Superficial Pain, I Thought. It Came From This Habit Of Hammering Each Other Incessantly.

A Hedgehog? And Just How Does A Hedgehog Make Love?" He Demanded. No, I Thought. I Won't. I Will Not. But I Did. "very Carefully," I Replied, Giggling Helplessly. So Now We Know Just How Old That One Is, I Thought.

And If Your Life Is A Suitable Exchange For My Honor, Why Is My Honor Not A Suitable Exchange For Your Life?

Alright, All Right," I Said. "what If I Tell You A Story, Instead?" Highlanders Loved Stories, And Jamie Was No Exception. "oh, Aye, " He Said, Sounding Much Happier. "what Sort Of Story Is It?

Gentle He Would Be, Denied He Would Not.

Are Some People Destined For A Great Fate, Or To Do Great Things? Or Is It Only That They're Born Somehow With That Great Passion - And If They Find Themselves In The Right Circumstances, Then Things Happen? It's The Sort Of Thing You Wonder.

When I Asked My Da How Ye Knew Which Was The Right Woman, He Told Me When The Time Came, I'd Have No Doubt. And I Didn't. When I Woke In The Dark Under That Tree On The Road To Leoch, With You Sitting On My Chest, Cursing Me For Bleeding To Death, I Said To Myself 'jamie Fraser, For All Ye Canna See What She Looks Like, And For All She Weights As Much As A Good Draft Horse, This Is The Woman.

Forgiveness Is Not A Single Act, But A Matter Of Constant Practice

Mo Nighean Donn," He Whispered," Mo Chridhe. My Brown Lass, My Heart." Come To Me. Cover Me. Shelter Me. A Bhean, Heal Me. Burn With Me, As I Burn For You.

I Shook So That It Was Some Time Before I Realized That He Was Shaking Too, And For The Same Reason. I Don't Know How Long We Sat There On The Dusty Floor, Crying In Each Others Arms With The Longing Of Twenty Years Spilling Down Our Faces.

I Know Why The Jews And Muslims Have Nine Hundred Names For God; One Small Word Is Not Enough For Love.

But We Are Here, All Of Us. And We're Here Because I Love You, More Than The Life That Was Mine. Because I Believed You Loved Me The Same Way...will You Tell Me That's Not True? No, He Said After A Moment, So Softly I Could Barely Hear Him. His Hand Tightened Harder On Mine. No, I Willna Tell Ye That. Not Ever, Claire.

I Love You More

If It Was A Sin For You To Choose Me . . . Then I Would Go To The Devil Himself And Bless Him For Tempting Ye To It.

He Shook His Head, Absorbed In One Of His Feats Of Memory, Those Brief Periods Of Scholastic Rapture Where He Lost Touch With The World Around Him, Absorbed Completely In Conjuring Up Knowledge From All Its Sources.

Men Go Where They Will, They Do As They Must; It Is Not A Woman's Part To Bid Them To Stay, Nor Yet To Reproach Them For Being What They Are-or For Not Coming Back.

Harmless As A Setting Dove," He Agreed. "i'm Too Hungry To Be A Threat To Anything But Breakfast. Let A Stray Bannock Come Within Reach, Though, And I'll No Answer For The Consequences.

Boldness In Battle Is Nothing Out Of The Way... But To Face Down Fear In Cold Blood Is Rare In Any Man.

Torn Between The Impulse To Stroke His Head, And The Urge To Cave It In With A Rock, I Did Neither.

With That Height, Plus A Face Of An Ugliness So Transcendant As To Be Grotesquely Beautiful, It Was Obvious Why She Had Embraced A Religious Life--christ Was The Only Man From Whom She Might Expect Embrace In Return.

D'ye Ken That The Only Time I Am Without Pain Is In Your Bed, Sassenach? When I Take Ye, When I Lie In Your Arms-my Wounds Are Healed, Then, My Scars Forgotten.

We Are Bound, You And I, And Nothing On This Earth Shall Part Me From You.

It's A Good Country For Myths. Things Seem To Take Root Here.

Time Does Not Really Exist For Mothers, With Regard To Their Children. It Does Not Matter Greatly How Old The Child Is-in The Blink Of An Eye, A Mother Can See The Child Again As They Were When They Were Born, When They Learned How To Walk, As They Were At Any Age-at Any Time, Even When The Child Is Fully Grown Or A Parent Themselves.

Lord, Ye Gave Me A Rare Woman, And God! I Loved Her Well.

Home Is The Place Where They Have To Take You In

...still I Dinna Expect Anything To Happen To Me. But If It Should...if It Does, Then I Want There To Be A Place For You; I Want Someone For You To Go To If I Am...not There To Care For You. If It Canna Be Me, Then I Would Have It Be A Man Who Loves You.

The Overseer Wouldna Speak To Me Of Ian, But He Told Me Other Things That Would Curl Your Hair, If It Wasna Already Curled Up Like Sheep's Wool." He Glanced At Me, And A Half-smile Lit His Face, Inspite Of His Obvious Perturbation. "judging By The State Of Your Hair, Sassenach, I Should Say That It's Going To Rain Verra Soon Now.

And If Time Is Anything Akin To God, I Suppose That Memory Must Be The Devil.

Healing Comes From The Healed; Not From The Physician.

But A Man Is Not Forgotten, As Long As There Are Two People Left Under The Sky. One, To Tell The Story; The Other, To Hear It.

We Got Half The Doggone Mit College Of Engineering Here, And Nobody Who Can Fix A Doggone /television/?" Dr. Joseph Abernathy Glared Accusingly At The Clusters Of Young People Scattered Around His Living Room. That's /electrical/ Engineering, Pop," His Son Told Him Loftily. "we're All Mechanical Engineers. Ask A Mechanical Engineer To Fix Your Color Tv, That's Like Asking An Ob-gyn To Look At The Sore On Your Di-ow!" Oh, Sorry," Said His Father, Peering Blandly Over Gold-rimmed Glasses. "that Your Foot, Lenny?

Lying On The Floor, With The Carved Panels Of The Ceiling Flickering Dimly Above, I Found Myself Thinking That I Had Always Heretofore Assumed That The Tendency Of Eighteenth-century Ladies To Swoon Was Due To Tight Stays; Now I Rather Thought It Might Be Due To The Idiocy Of Eighteenth-century Men.

This Was Nonsense, He Thought. The Need Of Her Was A Physical Thing, Like The Thirsty Of A Sailor Becalmed For Weeks On The Sea. He'd Felt The Need Before, Often, Often, In Their Years Apart. But Why Now? She Was Safe; He Knew Where She Was - Was It Only The Exhaustion Of The Past Weeks And Days, Or Perhaps The Weakness Of Creeping Age That Made His Bones Ache, As Though She Had In Fact Been Torn From His Body, As God Had Made Eve From Adam's Rib?

......what I Was Born Does Not Matter, Only What I Will Make Of Myself, Only What I Will Become.

It Was In A Way A Comforting Idea; If There Was All The Time In The World, Then The Happenings Of A Given Moment Became Less Important.

This Is Our Time. Until That Time Stops - For One Of Us, For Both – It Is Our Time. Now. Will You Waste It, Because You Are Afraid?

My Father Liked Me, When I Wasna Being An Idiot. And He Loved Me, Too -- Enough To Beat The Daylights Out Of Me When I Was Being An Idiot. Jamie Fraser

A General Cry Of "what Book? What Book? Let Us See This Famous Book!

I Gave You Justice, It Said, As I Was Taught It. And I Gave You Mercy , Too, So Far As I Could. While I Could Not Spare You Pain And Humiliation, I Make You A Gift Of My Own Pains And Humiliations, That Yours Might Be Easier To Bear.

Really Rather Fascinating, You Know,' He Confided, And I Recognized, With An Internal Sigh, The Song Of The Scholar, As Identifying A Sound As The Terr-whit! Of A Thrush.

Well I Am Still Not Drunk" I Straightened Up Against The Pillows As Best I Could. "you Told Me Once That If You Could Still Stand Up, You Weren't Drunk." You Aren't Standing Up." He Point Out. You Are.

I Don't Plot The Books Out Ahead Of Time, I Don't Plan Them. I Don't Begin At The Beginning And End At The End. I Don't Work With An Outline And I Don't Work In A Straight Line.

Beginnings And Ends

All I Want, Is For You To Love Me. Not Because Of What I Can Do Or What I Look Like, Or Because I Love You - Just Because I Am.

Why D'ye Talk To Yourself?' 'it Assures Me Of A Good Listener.

What A Mystery Blood Was -- How Did A Tiny Gesture, A Tome Of Voice, Endure Through Generations Like The Harder Verities Of Flesh? He Had Seen It Again And Again, Watching His Nieces And Nephews Grow, And Accepted Without Thought The Ehoes Of Parent And Grandparent That Appeared For Brief Moments. The Shadow Of A Face Looking Back Through The Years -- That Vanished Again Into The Face That Was Now.

Man's Sense Of Morality Tends To Decrease As His Power Increases

Tell Him I Hate Him To His Guts And The Marrow Of His Bones!

It's Only That Ye Looked So Beautiful, Wi' The Fire On Your Face, And Your Hair Waving In The Wind. I Wanted To Remember It.

People Assume That Science Is A Very Cold Sort Of Profession, Whereas Writing Novels Is A Warm And Fuzzy Intuitive Thing. But In Fact, They Are Not At All Different.

Your Face Is My Heart Sassenach, And The Love Of You Is My Soul

Perhaps It Was Only That The Sense Of Reaching Out To Something Larger Than Yourself Gives You Some Feeling That There Is Something Larger - And There Really Has To Be, Because Plainly You Aren't Sufficient To The Situation.

Character, I Think, Is The Single Most Important Thing In Fiction. You Might Read A Book Once For Its Interesting Plot—but Not Twice.

I Didn't Want To Tell The Story Of What Makes Two People Come Together, Although That's A Theme Of Great Power And Universality. I Wanted To Find Out What It Takes For Two People To Stay Together For Fifty Years -- Or More. I Wanted To Tell Not The Story Of Courtship, But The Story Of Marriage.

He [brian Fraser] Told Me That A Man Must Be Responsible For Any See He Sows, For It's His Duty To Take Care Of A Woman And Protect Her. And If I Wasna Prepared To Do That, Then I'd No Right To Burden A Woman With The Consequences Of My Own Actions.

That's For Calling Your Father A Fool. It May Be True, But It's Disrespectful. Brian Fraser To Teenage Jamie

I Talk To You As I Talk To My Own Soul," He Said, Turning Me To Face Him. He Reached Up And Cupped My Cheek, Fingers Light On My Temple. "and Sassenach," He Whispered, "your Face Is My Heart.

I Hated Him For As Long As I Could. But Then I Realized That Loving Him...that Was A Part Of Me, And One Of The Best Parts. It Didn't Matter That He Couldn't Love Me, That Had Nothing To Do With It. But If I Couldn't Forgive Him, Then I Could Not Love Him, And That Part Of Me Was Gone. And I Found Eventually That I Wanted It Back." ({lord John, Drums Of Autumn}

Blood Of My Blood," He Whispered, "and Bone Of My Bone. You Carry Me Within Ye, Claire, And Ye Canna Leave Me Now, No Matter What Happens, You Are Mine, Always, If Ye Will It Or No, If Ye Want Me Or Nay. Mine, And I Wilna Let Ye Go.

It Was One Of Those Strange Moments That Came To Him Rarely, But Never Left. A Moment That Stamped Itself On Heart And Brain, Instantly Recallable In Every Detail, For All Of His Life. There Was No Telling What Made These Moments Different From Any Other, Though He Knew Them When They Came. He Had Seen Sights More Gruesome And More Beautiful By Far, And Been Left With No More Than A Fleeting Muddle Of Their Memory. But These-- The Still Moments, As He Called Them To Himself-- They Came With No Warning, To Print A Random Image Of The Most Common Things Inside His Brain, Indelible.

Do Ye Want Me?" He Whispered. "sassenach, Will Ye Take Me - And Risk The Man That I Am, For The Sake Of The Man Ye Knew?

When God Closes A Door, He Opens A Window. Yeah. The Problem Was That This Particular Window Opened Off The Tenth Story, And He Wasn't So Sure God Supplied Parachutes.

Hard To Believe Lightning Can Strike Twice, But It Surely Did. The Moment Caitriona Balfe Came On Screen, I Sat Up Straight And Said, ‘there She Is!’ She And Sam Heughan Absolutely Lit Up The Screen With Fireworks.

He Touched The Rough Crucifix That Lay Against His Chest And Whispered To The Moving Air, "lord, That She Might Be Safe, She And My Children." Then Turned His Cheek To Her Reaching Hand And Touched Her Throught The Veils Of Time.

There Was A Feeling, Not Sudden, But Complete, As Though I Had Been Given A Small Object To Hold Unseen In My Hands. Precious As Opal, Smooth As Jade, Weighty As A River Stone, More Fragile Than A Bird's Egg. Infinitely Still, Live As The Root Of Creation. Not A Gift, But A Trust. Fiercely To Cherish, Softly To Guard. The Words Spoke Themselves And Disappeared Into The Groined Shadows Of The Roof.

An Englishman Thinks A Hundred Miles Is A Long Way; And American Thinks A Hundred Years Is A Long Time

And I Mean To Hear Ye Groan Like That Again. And To Moan And Sob, Even Though You Dinna Wish To, For Ye Canna Help It. I Mean To Make You Sigh As Though Your Heart Would Break, And Scream With The Wanting, And At Last To Cry Out In My Arms, And I Shall Know That I've Served Ye Well.

I'll Scream!" "likely. If Not Before, Certainly During. I Expect They'll Hear Ye At The Next Farm; You've Got Good Lungs.

I Was Crying For Joy, My Sassenach,' He Said Softly. He Reached Out Slowly And Took My Face Between His Hands. "and Thanking God That I Have Two Hands. That I Have Two Hands To Hold You With. To Serve You With, To Love You With. Thanking God That I Am A Whole Man Still, Because Of You.

Murtagh Was Right About Women. Sassenach, I Risked My Life For Ye, Committing Theft, Arson, Assault, And Murder Into The Bargain. In Return For Which Ye Call Me Names, Insult My Manhood, Kick Me In The Ballocks And Claw My Face. Then I Beat You Half To Death And Tell Ye All The Most Humiliating Things Have Ever Happened To Me, And Ye Say Ye Love Me." He Laid His Head On His Knees And Laughed Some More. Finally He Rose And Held Out A Hand To Me, Wiping His Eyes With The Other. "you're No Verra Sensible, Sassenach, But I Like Ye Fine. Let's Go.

I Want To Hold You Like A Kitten In My Shirt, And Still I Want To Spread Your Thighs And Plow Ye Like A Rotting Bull. I Dinna Understand Myself.

It Isn't Necessarily Easier If You Know What It Is You're Meant To Do-- But At Least You Don't Waste Time In Questioning Or Doubting. If You're Honest--well, That Isn't Necessarily Easier, Either. Though I Suppose If You're Honest With Yourself And Know What You Are, At Least You're Less Likely To Feel That You've Wasted Your Life, Doing The Wrong Thing.

Knowing That Everything Is Possible Suddenly Nothing Is Necessary.

I Wasn't Used To Living Crowded Cheek By Jowl With Numbers Of Other People, As Was Customary Here. People Ate, Slept, And Frequently Copulated, Crammed Into Tiny, Stifling Cottages, Lit And Warmed By Smoky Peat Fires. The Only Thing They Didn't Do Together Was Bathe - Largely Because They Didn't Bathe.

Don't Be Afraid. There's The Two Of Us Now.

When You're Reading, You're Not Where You Are; You're In The Book. By The Same Token, I Can Write Anywhere.

Ye Werena The First Lass I Kissed," He Said Softly. "but I Swear You'll Be The Last.

Any Piece Of Good Music Is In Essence A Love Song.

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