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All This Hoping For Something- Or Someone- That's Maybe Hopeless. I'm Having A Hard Time Processing What I Am Supposed To Believe, Or If I'm Even Supposed To. There Is Too Much Information, And I Don't Like A Lot Of It.

-David Levithan

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All This Hoping For

David Levithan

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All This Hoping For Something- Or Someone- That's Maybe Hopeless. I'm Having A Hard Time Processing What I Am Supposed To Believe, Or If I'm Even Supposed To. There Is Too Much Information, And I Don't Like A Lot Of It.

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Hoping For Something

More From David Levithan

You Know What Happens To Girls Who Loves Lost Boys? They Become Lost Themselves.

I'm Not A Very Happy Person," I Told Him."but Sometimes I Can Trick Myself Into Thinking I Am.

Why Is It So Much Easier To Talk To A Stranger? Why Do We Feel We Need To Disconnect In Order To Connect? If I Wrote "dear Sofia" Or "dear Boomer" Or "dear Lily's Great-aunt" At The Top Of This Postcard, Wouldn't That Change The Words That Followed? Of Course It Would. But The Question Is: When I Wrote "dear Lily," Was That Just A Version Of "dear Myself"? I Know It Was More Than That. But It Was Also Less Than That, Too

The Important Thing Is For The Characters To Feel Real, And To Be Given The Humanity They Are Due. That Granting Of Humanity Is What Separates A Full Portrait From A Stereotype.

This Is What My Voice Sounds Like I Don't Need To Be Talking To Someone Else To Hear It

I Know It Was More Than That. But It Was Also Less Than That, Too.

I Am Proud That I Defy Your Categories. I Am Proud That I Don't Fit Easily Into Any Box. I Am Proud Of All The Things I Am And All The Things I Can Be. Question Yourself Every Time You Think You Only See One Thing In Me.

Incessant Adj. The Doubts. You Had To Save Me From My Constant Doubts. That Deep-seeded Feeling That I Wasn't Good Enough For Anything I Was A Fake At My Job I Wasn't Your Equal My Friends Would Forget Me If I Moved Away For A Month. It Wasn't As Easy As Hearing Voices Nobody Was Telling Me This. It Was Just Something I Knew. Everyone Else Was Playing Along But I Was Sure That One Day They Would All Stop.

I Wake Up Feverish, Sore, Uncomfortable. Is It Sickness Or Is It Heartbreak? I Can't Tell. The Thermometer Says I'm Normal, But I'm Clearly Not.

After Tiny Has Tried Ballerina Pose, Swing-batter-batter Pose, Pump-up-the-jam Pose, And Top-of-the-mountain-sound-of-music Pose In The Reflection Of The Bean, He Walks Us To A Bench Overlooking Lake Shore Drive.

The Assumption Of The Word Reunion Is That, Once You're Together Again, You Are United. Two As One. Pulling Close To Someone Is Only A Temporary Symbol. It's The Way You Breathe With Each Other That's The Telltale Sign.

There Was A Pause. I Was Still Scared By Every Gap In Our Conversation, Fearing That This Was It, The Point Where We Had Nothing Left To Say. I Was Still Trying To Impress You, And I Still Wanted To Be Impressed By You, So I Could Pass Along Pieces Of Your Impressiveness To My Friends, Convincing Myself This Was Possible.

I Never Understood Why Anyone Would Have Sex On The Floor. Until I Was With You And I Realized: You Don't Realize You're On The Floor.

I Had A Sense Then Of How If We Truly Understood How Many Of The Unimportant Things We Do Will End Up Outliving Us, We'd Never Be Able To Go On.

Unimportant Things

I See Nick's Number. I Debate Whether To Assign A Name To His Number. If I Commit To That, Then I Will Truly Be Heartbroken If He Never Calls Me Again; My Heart Will Knot Each And Every Time I Use This Phone And See His Name In There. I Would Probably End Up Having To Trash The Phone Entirely.

I Suspected That What Happens In Hotel Rooms Rarely Lasts Outside Of Them. I Suspected That When Something Was A Beginning And An Ending At The Same Time, That Meant It Could Only Exist In The Present.

I Have Always Been Aware Of How I Break. I Know What Kind Of Situations Will Break Me. I Know What Kind Of People Will Do It. I Know How Much It Will Hurt.

That's What It Felt Like - That If I Let A Little Of The Hurt Out, It Would Keep Pouring Out Until I Was A Deflated Balloon Of A Person, With A Big Monster Of Hurt In Front Of Me.

You Made Me Lose My Appetite, Boomer." "my Mom Tells Me That All The Time. Your Family Must Be Just Like Mine!

You See, Dash -- I Was Never The Girl In Your Head. And You Were Never The Boy In My Head. I Think We Both Knew That. It's Only When We Try To Make The Girl Or Boy In Our Head Real That The True Trouble Comes. I Did That With Carlos, And It Was A Bad Failure. Be Careful What You're Doing, Because No One Is Ever Who You Want Them To Be. And The Less You Really Know Them, The More Likely You Are To Confuse Them With The Girl Or Boy In Your Head.

There Has To Be A Moment At The Beginning Where You Wonder Whether You’re In Love With The Person Or In Love With The Feeling Of Love Itself. If The Moment Doesn’t Pass, That’s It—you’re Done. And If The Moment Does Pass, It Never Goes That Far. It Stands In The Distance, Ready For Whenever You Want It Back. Sometimes It’s Even There When You Thought You Were Searching For Something Else, Like An Escape Route, Or Your Lovers’ Face.

Simon: That's Disgusting! Me: What's Disgusting? Simon: You Know. You Put Your Thing In The Place Where He, Um, Defecates.

Enlightenment Is Scary. Sometimes Things Look Better In The Dark.

She Asked Me What Was Wrong, And I Told Her I Had To End It. She Was Surprised, And Asked My Why I Thought So. I Told Her It Wasn't A Thought, More A Feeling, Like I Couldn't Breathe And Knew I Had To Get Some Air. It Was A Survival Instinct, I Told Her. She Said It Was Time For Dinner. Then She Sat Me Down And Told Me Not To Worry. She Said Moments Like This Were Like Waking Up In The Middle Of The Night: You're Scared, Your'e Disoriented, And You're Completely Convinced You're Right. But Then You Stay Awake A Little Longer And You Realize Things Aren't As Fearful As They Seem.

He Has No Idea How Beautiful The Ordinary Becomes Once It Disappears.

How Sad It Must Be For You To Be Nothing More Than A Hollow Statue, To Have Your Tomb Preserved And Your Story Forgotten.

I Find Faith In Human Perseverance, Even As The Universe Throws Challenge After Challenge Our Way.

I Had Gotten So Used To Being Alone, But Never Entirely Used To It. Never Used To It Enough To Stop Wanting The Alternative.

Isaac Knows How Stupid I Find These Things, And He Finds Them Just As Stupid As I Do. Like Lol. Now, If There's Anything Stupider Than Buddy Lists, It's Lol. If Anyone Ever Uses Lol With Me, I Rip My Computer Right Out Of The Wall And Smash It Over The Nearest Head. I Mean, It's Not Like Anyone's Laughing Out Loud About The Things They Lol. I Think It Should Be Spelled Loll, Like What A Lobotomized Person's Tongue Does. Loll. Loll. I Can't Think Any More. Loll. Loll!

Yesterday Is Another World. I Want To Go Back There.

Trying To Write About Love Is Ultimately Like Trying To Have A Dictionary Represent Life. No Matter How Many Words There Are, There Will Never Be Enough.

The World, Right Now, Is Only Us.

Fate Has A Strange Way Of Making Plans.

For Whatever Reason, We Like To Focus On The 2 Percent That's Different, And Most Of The Conflict In The World Comes From That.

Readers Embrace All Kinds Of Characters As Long As They Are Written With Emotional Truth.

This Blue Shirt I Have Is Practically The Same Color As My Jeans, And Looking All-blue Is Something Only Cookie Monster Can Pull Off.

We Just Want To Walk. Our Legs Need To Move To Keep Our Minds From Collapsing.

It Is So Unfair That He Lives In Ohio, Because That Should Be Close Enough, But Since Neither Of Us Drives And Neither Of Us Would Ever In A Million Years Say, 'hey, Mom, Do You Want To Drive Me Across Indiana To See A Boy?,' We're Kind Of Stuck.

There Is The Sudden. There Is The Eventual. And In Between, There Is The Living.

There Was A Time Before You But I Can't Remember It Now A Time Before Your Beauty And I Were Formally Introduced I'm Sure I Lived Without You But I Don't Remember How Can't Imagine Living Without These Feelings You've Produced Just One Glance And My Life Was Redrawn Just One Word And My Vocabulary Changed I Asked The Time And You Said 'what's The Hurry?' You Asked My Name And I Almost Forgot

Me: Just Don't Ask About His Forty-three Ex-boyfriends, Okay? Or Ask Him About Why He's Carrying Around An Axe. Mom:... Me: I'm Kidding About The Axe Part.

Because It Is Senior Year I Have Begun To See Things As Potential Absences. The Things I Love Will Become The Things I'll Miss.

Maybe Your History Just Repeats And Repeats Until It Batters You Enough To Snap The Seams That Hold You Together

So What Else Can I Tell You?" I Asked. "i Mean, To Get You To Reveal Lily To Me.

That Lasting Things Do, In Fact, Last.

It's The Belief, Not The Words, That Mean Everything. It's The Floating.

I Love You,” She Says. “i Love You,” I Say. And Then We Hang Up, Because Nothing Else Needs To Be Said After That. I Want To Give Zara Her Life Back. Even If I Feel I Deserve Something Like This, I Don’t Deserve It At Her Expense.

Breathing, N You Had Asthma As A Child, Had To Carry Around An Inhaler. But When You Grew Older, It Went Away. You Could Run For Miles And It Was Fine. Sometimes I Worry That This Is Happening To Me In Reverse. The Older I Get, The More I Lose My Ability To Breathe.

He Never Wears A Watch (his Own Rebellion Against Time, Against Watching).

You Like Him Because He's A Lost Boy. Believe Me, I've Seen It Happen Before. But Do You Know What Happens To Girls Who Love Lost Boys? They Become Lost Themselves. Without Fail.

Why Do We Feel The Need To Disconnect In Order To Connect?

... I Love Books About Freaks," Because I Am One. You Might Be, Too. Let's Be Freaks Together?

Jesus Died For Our Sins," Noah Says Solemnly. "what?!?" I Reply, Choking Back My Thoughts. "i Was Just Seeing If You Were Listening.

Teens Wanted Things That Were Real, That They Connected With, It Doesn't Have To Reflect Reality Directly. They Love 'the Hunger Games' Not Because It's Real In That It Happens, But The Emotions There Are Real, And It's Very Relatable.

When Things Break, It's Not The Actual Breaking That Prevents Them From Getting Back Together Again. It's Because A Little Piece Gets Lost -- The Two Remaining Ends Couldn't Fit Together Even If They Wanted To. The Whole Shape Has Changed.

There Is No Word For The Recipient Of The Love. There Is Only A Word For The Giver. There Is The Assumption That Lovers Come In Pairs.

The Minute I Knew I Was In Love Was The Minute When There Was No Question About It.

Maybe Tonight You're Scared Of Falling, And Maybe There's Somebody Here Or Somewhere Else You're Thinking About, Worrying Over, Fretting Over, Trying To Figure Out If You Want To Fall, Or How And When You're Gonna Land, And I Gotta Tell You, Friends, To Stop Thinking About The Landing, Because It's All About Falling.

Here’s What I Know About The Realm Of Possibility— It Is Always Expanding, It Is Never What You Think It Is. Everything Around Us Was Once Deemed Impossible. From The Airplane Overhead To The Phones In Our Pockets To The Choir Girl Putting Her Arm Around The Metalhead. As Hard As It Is For Us To See Sometimes, We All Exist Within The Realm Of Possibility. Most Of The Limits Are Of Our Own World’s Devising. And Yet, Every Day We Each Do So Many Things That Were Once Impossible To Us.

I Have No More Idea Now Of Who I Am Than I Did Before. But At Least I Know That. And I'm Starting To Figure Out Who I Want To Be.

The First Sentence Of The Truth Is Always The Hardest. Each Of Us Had A First Sentence, And Most Of Us Found The Strength To Say It Out Loud To Someone Who Deserved To Hear It. What We Hoped, And What We Found, Was That The Second Sentence Of The Truth Is Always Easier Than The First, And The Third Sentence Is Even Easier Than That. Suddenly You Are Speaking The Truth In Paragraphs, In Pages. The Fear, The Nervousness, Is Still There, But It Is Joined By A New Confidence. All Along, You've Used The First Sentence As A Lock. But Now You Find That It's The Key.

Are You Going To Be Playing For The Pure Thrill Of Unreluctant Desire?

Teenagers Are Never Joking. When Seeking To Prove A Point, Principals And Teachers Should Remember That Teenagers Are Never, Ever Sarcasic Or Ironic. If They Say "i Wish Someone Would Drop A Bomb On This School Right Now," That Means They Have Arranged For A Nuclear Arsenal To Be Emptied Onto The School And Should Be Immediately Suspended And Ridiculed. If They Say They Were Merely Coming Up With A Joking Excuse To Postpone A Bio Test, Reply That All Jokes Are Funny, And That Since Dropping A Bomb On A School Is Not Funny, It Is Therefore Not A Joke.

Let’s Make Plans,” I Ventured. And Sofia Smiled And Said, “no, Let’s Leave It To Chance.

In Sliding Doors, The Whole Idea Is That Every Choice You Make, And Every Single Thing That Happens To You Changes The Trajectory Of Your Life, And Once You Are Put On That Trajectory, There Is No Way Back. But Groundhog Day - Which, I Tell Him, Also Happens To Be A Much Better Movie - Says The Opposite. It Says If You Mess Up Or Make The Wrong Choice, You Just Have To Keep At It Until You Do It Right.

Iv. Who Was It Who Invented Size Zero? Who Was It Who Promised That If You Got To A Certain Point You Would No Longer Be?

You Went And Broke Our Lives. You Are So Much Worse Than A Cheater. You Killed Something. And You Killed It When Its Back Was Turned.

I Want To Kiss Her Without Counting The Seconds. I Want To Hold Her So Long That I Get To Know Her Skin. I Want, I Want, I Want.

That Strange, Twisted, Torn Love. That Conflict Between What Your Heart Knows Is Right And What Your Mind Is Told Is Right.

I Can Flirt With The Best Of Them, But Only When It Doesn't Matter.

There Has To Be A Moment At The Beginning When You Wonder Whether You’re In Love With The Person Or In Love With The Feeling Of Love Itself.

There Are Many Things That Can Keep You In A Relationship," I Say. "fear Of Being Alone. Fear Of Disrupting The Arrangement Of Your Life. A Decision To Settle For Something That's Okay, Because You Don't Know If You Can Get Any Better. Or Maybe There's The Irrational Belief That It Will Get Better, Even If You Know He Won't Change.

I Have Become Very Good At Clearing Histories.

What's The Big Deal With France? How Come Everyone Wants To Go There? Let Me Tell You About France. Their Music Sucks. Their Movies Suck. Their Berets Suck. Their Croissants Are Pretty Good, But The Place Overall Still Sucks.my Family Went There Once On The Way To Visit Dad's Homeland Family. Eurodisney. Need I Say More?

When Someone Breaks Up With You, Their Beauty-- Which You Took Such Satisfaction In-- Suddenly Becomes Unfair.

I Say Good-bye To The Part Of Myself That Misses Him So Much.

Once You Experience Enormity, It Lingers Everywhere You Look, And Want To Be Every Word You Say.

I Saw His Scars - The Visible Ones-and Saw How Breaking Him Had Not Made Him Any Less Beautiful. If Anything, He Stood Stronger, Because He'd Survived.

Things Are Not Magical Because They've Been Conjured For Us By Some Outside Force. They Are Magical Because We Create Them.

Here's What Breaks Us: Even Though We Know Better, We Still Want Everything To Be All Right.

We Switch To Another Language-- Not Our Invented Language Or The Language We've Learned From Our Lives. As We Walk Further Up The Mountain, We Speak The Language Of Silence. This Language Gives Us Time To Think And Move. We Can Be Here And Elsewhere At The Same Time.

Everyone Tried With Me. And Everytime, It Felt Like The Whole Point Of Life Was To See If Trying Was Ever Enough.

It's Only A Game If There Is An Absence Of Meaning. And We've Already Gone Too Far For That.

I Say Good-bye To Hope, But I Also Say Good-bye To Hope's Disappointment.

That Whole Week, We Started To Divide Things Into Those Two Categories: Anything Or Something. A Piece Of Jewelry Bougth At A Department Store: Anything. A Piece Of Jewelry Made By Hand: Something. A Dollar: Anything. A Sand Dollar: Something. A Gift Certificate: Anything. An Iou For Two Hours Of Starwatching: Something. A Drunk Kiss At A Party: Anything. A Sober Kiss Alone In A Park: Something.

Willyoupleasebequiet: Are You Ready? Bluejeanbaby: For What? Willyoupleasebequiet: The Future Willyoupleasebequiet: Because I Think It Just Started

When It Comes To True Dance, It's Not About How You Look, It's All About The Joy You Feel.

I Am Jealous Of Anyone Who Can Make Other People Care So Much.

It Doesn't Have To Be On Valentine's Day. It Doesn't Have To Be By The Time You Turn Eighteen Or Thirty-three Or Fifty-nine. It Doesn't Have To Conform To Whatever Is Usual. It Doesn't Have To Be Kismet At Once, Or Rhapsody By The Third Date. It Just Has To Be. In Time. In Place. In Spirit. It Just Has To Be.

Love Me Less, But Love Me For A Long Time

With Some Break-ups, All You Can Think About Afterwards Is How Badly It Ended And How Much The Other Person Hurt You. With Others, You Become Sentimental For The Good Times And Lose Track Of What Went Wrong.

Family, Like Arsenic, Works Best In Small Doses...unless You Prefer To Die.

We Stay This Way Until Twilight Colours The Window And The Hour Calls Me Home

There Is A Part Of Childhood That Is Childish, And A Part That Is Sacred. Suddenly We Are Touching The Sacred Part -- Running To The Shoreline, Feeling The First Cold Burst Of Water On Our Ankles, Reaching Into The Tide To Catch At Shells Before They Ebb Away From Our Fingers. We Have Returned To A World That Is Capable Of Glistening, And We Are Wading Deeper Within It.

In The Next Election, I'm Voting For Your Mom To Be The Next God.

I Had No Idea What I Wanted, Only That I Wanted Something, Which Is The Worst Kind Of Wanting.

In My Experience, Desire Is Desire, Love Is Love.

We Walk Into A Bar, And You're Aware Of All The Eyes On You. We Walk Into A Bar, And I'm Aware Of All The Eyes On You, Too. For You, This Translate Into Confidence. But Me? All I Can Feel Is Doubt.

Barfly N. You Have The Ability To Talk To Anyone Which Is An Ability I Do Not Share.

Her Vulnerability Is Open, But She’s Safe Within It.

Because Sometimes You Just Have To Dance Like A Madman In The Self-help Section Of Your Local Bookstore.

I Have To Cross The River Of Extreme Awkwardness In Order To Get To The Paradise On The Other Side.

I Feel The Universe Is Telling Me Something. And It Doesn't Even Matter If It's True Or Not. What Matters Is That I Feel It, And Believe It.

Do You Know When You Cross Against Traffic? You Look Down The Street And See A Car Coming, But You Know You Can Get Across Before It Gets To You. So Even Though There’s A Don’t Walk Sign, You Cross Anyway. And There’s Always A Split Second When You Turn And See That Car Coming, And You Know That If You Don’t Continue Moving, It Will All Be Over. That’s How I Feel A Lot Of The Time. I Know I’ll Make It Across. I Always Make It Across. But The Car Is Always There, And I Always Stop To Watch It Coming.

Why Do We Even Bother? Why Do We Make Ourselves So Open To Such Easy Damage? Is It All Loneliness? Is It All Fear? Or Is It Just To Experience Those Narcotic Moments Of Belonging With Someone Else?

I Cannot Think Of A Single Word To Describe What We Feel. I Think We All Feel It, To Varying Degrees. Perhaps In Some Other Language There Is A Word For 'the World Is Terribly Wrong.' That Feeling Of Stun And Unbelief And Abandonment And Shock And Horror And Distress.

To Love--to Fall--is Not A Question. To Touch--to Kiss--to Speak--those Are Questions.

A Sound Waiting To Be A Word.

People Take Love's Continuity For Granted, Just As They Take Their Body's Continuity For Granted. They Don't Realize That The Best Thing About Love Is Its Regular Presence. Once You Can Establish That, It's An Added Foundation To Your Life.

I Kiss Her And She Finds The Light Switch And Turns It Off, And We're Just Lit In Pepsi-can Colors And It's Like We've Finally Found This Other Kind Of Conversation, This Conversation In Gestures And Pulls And Pushes And Breaths And Grasps And Teases And Glimmers And Rubs And Expectation.

Belonging. Togetherness. These Words Are As Complicated And Confusing As The Word Love. It’s Probably All The Same Thing. Or It Would Be If We Let It Be. I Can Only Guess From Observation.

You Know What’s A Great Metaphor For Love? Sleeping Beauty. Because You Have To Plow Through This Incredible Thicket Of Thorns In Order To Get To Beauty, And Even Then, When You Get There, You Still Have To Wake Her Up. — Tiny Cooper

Magic Naturally Fades Over Distance. But Proximity - Well, When It Works, Proximity Amplifies Magic.

I'm A Firm Believer That Every Person, Young Or Old, Has At Least One Good Story To Tell.

He Was Attractive. I Knew That. And I Knew That Attractive People Always Got Away With Things.

When I Am With You, There Is Nowhere Else I'd Rather Be. And I Am A Person Who Always Wants To Be Somewhere Else.

I Am Like The Fish In The Aquarium, Thinking In A Different Language, Adapting To A Life That’s Not My Natural Habitat. I Am The People In The Other Cars, Each With His Or Her Own Story, But Passing Too Quickly To Be Noticed Or Understood.

This Is What A Memorial Is: Standing Still, Staring At Something That Isn’t Ther

I've Always Known I Was Gay, But It Wasn't Confirmed Until I Was In Kindergarten. It Was My Teacher Who Said So. It Was Right There On My Kindergarten Report Card: Paul Is Definitely Gay And Has Very Good Sense Of Self.

Yes, Time Can Be Buoyed By Wordlessness, But It Needs To Be Anchored In Words.

Feeling Someone Else's Anger Is Bad; Being Left Alone Is Worse.

I Just Needed To Realize That Style Was Like Personality - It Didn't Always Have To Be Consistent; It Just Had To Be Something You Lived With.

Dissonance, N. Nights When I Need To Sleep And You Can't. Days When I Want To Talk To You And You Won't. Hours When Every Noise You Make Interferes With My Silence. Weeks When There Is A Buzzing In The Air, And We Both Pretend We Don't Here It.

Underneath All That Denial, You're Someone Who's Deeply, Deeply Nice.

I Am A Drifter, And As Lonely As That Can Be, It Is Also Remarkably Freeing. I Will Never Define Myself In Terms Of Anyone Else. I Will Never Feel The Pressure Of Peers Or The Burden Of Parental Expectation. I Can View Everyone As Pieces Of A Whole, And Focus On The Whole, Not The Pieces. I Have Learned To Observe, Far Better Than Most People Observe. I Am Not Blinded By The Past Or Motivated By The Future. I Focus On The Present Because That Is Where I Am Destined To Live.

I Know There Are Epic Tales Of Romance, Where Love Means You're Supposed To Die. Where It's All About Sacrifice. But I Don't Want To Die. I Don't Want Stephen To Die. I'm Looking For The Scenario Where We Both Get To Live. Where We Can Continue This Marvel That Is Love And Discovery And Trust.

Because That's The Thing About Mean People: They Make You Think That The World Will Never Work, That There Are Divides That You Will Fall Into If You Approach. It Takes A Whole Lot Of Good People To Fill In The Breach Created By A Single Mean One.

Maybe Language Is Kind, Giving Us These Double Meanings. Maybe It's Trying To Teach Us A Lesson, That We Can Always Be Two Things At Once.

But I Still Has Enough Longing For That Concept That I Didn't Want To Dispel It Completely. Meaning: I Didn't Want To Tell Lily That I Felt We'd All Been Duped By Plato And The Idea Of A Soul Mate. Just In Case It Turned Out That She Was Mine.

But If I Didn’t Want To Be Alone, Then Why Didn’t I Want To Be With Anyone Else?

Wants To Be Alone

Arrears, N. My Faithfulness Was As Unthinking As Your Lapse. Of All The Things I Though Would Go Wrong, I Never Thought It Would Be That. "it Was A Mistake," You Said. But The Cruel Thing Was, It Felt Like The Mistake Was Mine, For Trusting You.

Because What's The Point Of Something Virtual If It Doesn't End Up Being Real?

Void Is When There Is Absolutely Nothing There And The Nothing Is Natural, A Complete Vacuum. But Empty - With Empty, You Are Aware Of What's Supposed To Be There. Empty Means Something Is Missing.

It Was So Much Easier When I Didn't Want Anything. Not Getting What You Want Can Make You Cruel.

Getting What You Want

Maybe Relationships Could Have Fractals, Too. And Maybe The Sense Of Loss Was When You're Becoming A Fractal Of What You Once Were To Each Other.

It Is Much Harder To Lie To Someone's Face. But. It Is Also Much Harder To Tell The Truth To Someone's Face.

Telling The Truth

You Can't Deny That There's Something Between Us." "no. There Is. When I Saw You Today--i Didn't Know I'd Been Waiting For You Until You Were There. And Then All Of That Waiting Rushed Through Me In A Second. That's Something... But I Don't Know If It's Certainty.

This Is A Difference Between Us: You Desire What Other People Have, While I Desire The Things I Used To Have, Or Think I Might Have One Day.

But There Was Something About You That Made Me Think Of Sparks And Motion.

And Yes, Holden Would Keep Those Kids From Falling Off The Cliff, But Who Wouldn't? Does She Think I Would Just Fold My Arms Or Give Them A Pat On The Back Before They Sailed Headfirst To The Ground? We Are All Catchers, And It's Sad That She Doesn't See It. Instead She Sees The Phoniness, She Deplores The World Even After I Point Out That I Am In It.

What I Want Is For What I Want To Actually Matter.

Maybe That's What History Is, You Go From One I Can't Believe It The Next. And Sometimes The I Can't Believe Its Are Good, And Sometimes They're Bad. But The Sum Total Of Positive Ones Always Outweighs The Negative Ones.

I Have Taken Advantage Of Other People's Weaknesses In Order To Cover My Own.

I Know From Experience That Beneath Every Peripheral Girl Is A Central Truth. She’s Hiding Hers Away, But At The Same Time She Wants Me To See It.

And Who Am I To Blow Against The Wind?

Deep Down, You See, I Long To Be Arcane, Esoteric. I Would Love To Confound People With Their Own Language.

It's Gonna Hurt Because It Matters.

I Feel Such A Tenderness For These Vulnerable Nighttime Conversations, The Way Words Take A Different Shape In The Air When There's No Light In The Room.

Measure The Hope Of That Moment, That Feeling. Everything Else Will Be Measured Against It.

Seven Wonders Of The World And I Have To Ask For An Eighth Fill A Bottle With Some Prayers And Spend Them On Hope Create An Easy Route Just So I Can Complicate Send My Heart Down That Slippery Slope

He Doesn’t Just Look Upset—he Looks Newly Blind. There Is Such Loss In His Eyes, And It Permeates Every Other Part Of His Body.

Love Is The Higher Law.

It's Like You're A Character In This Book That Everyone Around You Is Writing, And Suddenly You Have To Say, 'i'm Sorry, But This Role Isn't Right For Me'. And You Have To Start Writing Your Own Life And Doing Your Own Thing.

As Sisters, They Probably Have Closer To 99 Percent In Common, But They’re Not About To Recognize That. They’d Rather Fight Over What Kind Of Pet They’re Going To Get … It’s An Argument For Its Own Sake.

It Was The Most Amazing Feeling In The World. To Know That Something Right Happened, And To Know That It Had Happened Not Through Luck Or Command But Simply Because It Was Right.

The Key Is To Never Recognize These Imbalances. To Not Let The Dauntingness Daunt Us.

How Do You Commemorate A Year? A Paper Anniversary, But We Are The Words Written Down, Not The Paper.

You Can't Actually Have A Romance Between Friends. That Sort Of Defeats The Definition Of The Word "romance." The Word You're Looking For Is "love." It's A Love Between Friends, Just As There's Also Love Between Lovers, Or Possible Lovers, Or Even Ex-lovers. Same Holds True For "bromance" - It's Just A Clever Word Used To Avoid The Word Love, For Straight Boys Who Don't Want That Old-fashioned Taint Of Gayness. Dudes, You Love Each Other. Deal With It.

I'm Not In Love With You.

This Is Why We Call People Exes, I Guess - Because The Paths That Cross In The Middle End Up Separating At The End. It's Too Easy To See An X As A Cross-out. It's Not, Because There's No Way To Cross Out Something Like That. The X Is A Diagram Of Two Paths.

The Mistake Is Thinking That There Can Be An Antidote To The Uncertainty.

I Have No Idea How He Knows When I Need Him. We Can Go Weeks Without Speaking, And Then, When My Blue Moods Threaten To Turn Black, He Will Show Up And Tell Me My Moods Are Azure Indigo Cerulean Cobalt Periwinkle And Suddenly The Blue Will Not Seem So Dark, More Like The Color Of A Noon-bright Sky. He Brings The Sun.

Once The Storm Comes Out, The Landscape Changes. What You Had Before Is Altered In Some Way. And You Have A Choice: Build Something New And Better From What Is Left Or Abandon It.

She Transforms Once Again Into Someone Carefree, And I Transform Into Someone Whose Only Care Is Her.

Tiny: But There Is The Word, This Word Phil Wrayson Taught Me Once: Weltschmerz. It's The Depression You Feel When The World As It Is Does Not Line Up With The World As You Think It Should Be. I Live In A Big Goddamned Weltzschermz Ocean, You Know? And So Do You.

Our Moments Are Music, And Sometimes – Just Sometimes – We Can Catch Them And Put Them Into Some Lasting Form. If We Didn’t Have Music, I Don’t Think We Could Ever Be Truly Happy, And If We Didn’t Have Special Moments, We Would Never Find Music.

You Were In Sweden?" Boomer Asked. "no," I Said. "the Trip Got Called Off At The Last Minute. Because Of Political The Unrest" "in Sweden?" Priya Seemed Skeptical. "yeah-isn't It Strange How The Times Isn't Covering It? Half The Country's On Strike Because Of That Thing The Crown Prince Said About Pippi Longstocking Which Means No Meatballs For Christmas, If You Know What I Mean." "that's So Sad!" Boomer Said.

We All Contain Mysteries, Especially When Seen From The Inside.

The More Kindness And Justice Are Challenged, The More We Must Embrace Them. Only When You Are Challenged - And Only When You Challenge Yourself - Do You Discover What Truly Matters.

As If When Someone Close To Us Dies, We Momentarily Trade Places With Them, In The Moment Right Before. And As We Get Over It, We’re Really Living Their Life In Reverse, From Death To Life, From Sickness To Health.

I Never Felt The Urge To Jump Off A Bridge, But There Are Times I Have Wanted To Jump Out Of My Life, Out Of My Skin.

And I Told You: I Think Of A Photograph You Took Of Me, Up In Montreal. You Told Me To Jump In The Air, So In The Picture, My Feet Are Off The Ground. Later, I Asked You Why You Wanted Me To Do That, And You Told Me It Was The Only Way To Get Me To Forget About The Expression On My Face. You Were Right. I Am Completely Unposed, Completely Genuine. In My Mind’s Eye, I Picture Myself Like That, Reacting To You.

I Had Always Felt That Mittens Were A Few Steps Back On The Evolutionary Scale-- Why, I Wondered, Would We Want To Make Ourselves Into A Less Agile Version Of Lobster.

I Am Constantly Torn Between Killing Myself And Killing Everyone Around Me.

I've Worn Black Today, Because I've Heard So Often That It's Supposed To Be Slimming. But Instead I Am This Sphere Of Darkness Submarining Through The Halls.

Gone Is Not Forgotten, But Our Lives Cannot Be A Memorial. This City Cannot Be A Memorial. This City Has To Be A City. Our Lives Have To Be Our Lives.

I Measure The Moment In The Heartbeats I Skip

Once Time Is Lit, It Will Burn Whether Or Not You're Breathing It In. Even After Smoke Becomes Air, There Is The Memory Of Smoke. I Am Seeing As If By The Light Of A Match, A Glimpse Of My Life And Having It Feel Right.

Our Lives Change. Our Feelings For Each Other Change. Our Bearings Change. The Song Changes. The Air Changes. The Temperature Of The Shower Changes. Accept This. We Must Accept This.

Because When Something Happens, She's The Person I Want To Tell. The Most Basic Indicator Of Love.

I Think That If You Were Somehow Able To Measure The Weight Of Human Kindness, It Would Have Weighed More On 9/11 Than It Ever Had. On 9/11, All The Hatred And Murder Could Not Compare With The Weight Of Love, Of Bravery, Of Caring. I Have To Believe That.

Even When I Detach, I Care. You Can Be Separate From A Thing And Still Care About It. If I Wanted To Detach Completely, I Would Move My Body Away. I Would Stop The Conversation Midsentence. I Would Leave The Bed. Instead, I Hover Over It For A Second. I Glance Off In Another Direction. But I Always Glance Back At You.

The Moment You Fall In Love Feels Like It Has Centuries Behind It, Generations - All Of Them Rearranging Themselves So This Precise, Remarkable Intersection Could Happen. In Your Heart, In Your Bones, No Matter How Silly You Know It Is, You Feel That Everything Has Been Leading To This, All The Secret Arrows Were Pointing Here, The Universe And Time Itself Crafted This Long Ago, And You Are Just Now Realizing It, You Are Just Now Arriving At The Place You Were Always Meant To Be.

Falling In Love

It Was A Laugh That Came From The Tip Of His Toes, Gaining Force And Soul As It Traveled Through His Body And Out Into The World In Mirthful Bursts. There Wasn't Anything Fake About It; It Was An Amusement Park Of A Laugh, And When It Appeared, You Wanted To Jump On Board.

Only Adj. Thats The Dilemma Isn't It? When You're Single, There's The Sadness And Joy Of Only Me. And When You're Paired, There's The Sadness And Joy Of Only You.

Scapegoat, N. I Think Our Top Two Are: 1. Not Enough Coffee. 2. Too Much Coffee.

Even If Neither Of Us Got What We Wanted, We Found Freedom In The Third Choices.

My Mother Said I Should Have A 'change Of Scenery.' The Word Scenery Made Be Think Of A Play. And As We Were Driving Around, It Made Sense That Way. Because No Matter How Much The Scenery Changed, We Were Still On The Same Stage.

I Try To Be A Careful Person. Most Of The Time My Carelessness Is Completely Unintentional.

There Comes A Time When The Body Takes Over The Life. There Comes A Time When The Body’s Urges, The Body’s Needs, Dictate The Life. You Have No Idea You Are Giving The Body The Key. But You Hand It Over. And Then It’s In Control. You Mess With The Wiring And The Wiring Takes Charge.

The Way You Argued With Me, You Would Have Thought That We Were Debating The Existence Of God Or Whether Or Not We Should Move In Together. These Kinds Of Fights Can Never Be Won – Even If You’re The Victor, You’ve Hurt The Other Person, And There Has To Be Some Loss Associated With That.

Little Less Than A Promise, And A Little More Than A Chance.

What A Strange Phrase — –not Seeing Other People. As If It’s Been Constructed To Be A Lie. We See Other People All The Time. The Question Is What We Do About It.

I Don’t Want To Know Anything, And I Want To Know It All

Even Though It Was Hard To See You, It Was Good To See You.

Beauty Comes Naturally, But It's Hard To Be Stunning By Accident.

I Notice You, I Want To Say. Even When No One Else Does, I Do. I Will.

I Wonder If It's Possible To Start A New Relationship Without Hurting Someone Else.

New Relationship

I Want To Talk To You And Be Random With You And Be Ridiculous With You.

Hello, My Name Is Ees Lebkuchen Spice, And I Vant To Show You My Coooooookies.

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