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A Budget Takes The Fun Out Of Money.

-Mason Cooley

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A Budget Takes The

Mason Cooley

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A Budget Takes The Fun Out Of Money.

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Mathematics: Silent Harmonies. Music: Sounding Numbers.

Wisdom Cannot Prevent A Fall, But May Cushion It.

Forgiveness Is Like Faith. You Have To Keep Reviving It.

Forgive And Move On

What Is Forgiveness

Stupidity Is A Fact Of Life, But Unmentionable. The New Prudery.

The Tragic Hero Prefers Death To Prudence. The Comedian Prefers Playing Tricks To Winning. Only The Villain Really Plays To Win.

In Retirement, Only Money And Symptoms Are Consequential.

Either Offer Me Something I Really Like, Or Stop Trying To Tempt Me.

Out Of Power, Marxism Can Develop Critical Intelligence; In Power, It Quickly Becomes Stupid.

To Understand Someone, Find Out How He Spends His Money.

Outside Books, We Avoid Colorful Characters.

Strict Rules Of Evidence Would Destroy Psychoanalysis And Literary Criticism.

People Who Behave At Forty As They Did At Twenty Must Sometimes Wonder Why Their Charm Is Not Working.

I Read Less And Less. I Have Not Forgiven Books For Their Failure To Tell Me The Truth And Make Me Happy.

Paradox Implies That Stating A Contradiction Disposes Of It.

Dignity Takes Alarm At The Unexpected Sound Of Laughter.

Was There A Little Time Between The Invention Of Language And The Coming Of True And False?

Self-sacrifice Usually Contains An Unspoken Demand For Payment.

The Philosophy Of Hedonism Means Little To Lovers Of Pleasure. They Have No Inclination To Read Philosophy, Or To Write It.

Observe Decorum, And It Will Open A Path To Morality.

Falling In Love Is The Right Adventure For Those Who Dislike Sports And Travel.

Home Again, I Can Groan, Scratch, And Talk To Myself.

In Middle Age, I Practiced Feeling Old, But The Real Thing Has Been A Rude Surprise.

Regretting The Past Does Not Prevent Me From Repeating It.

Self-pity Makes People Callous.

Lust And Greed Are More Gullible Than Innocence.

Eccentricity Gives Misfits A Way Of Fitting In.

Wisdom Is Founded On Memory; Happiness On Forgetfulness.

Talk About Yourself As Much As You Like, But Do Not Expect Others To Listen.

As Equality Increases, So Does The Number Of People Struggling For Predominance.

When Poets Go Off The Boil, They Sound Like Bumble Bees; When Critics Do, They Sound Like Sewing Machines.

Power Makes Gods. Virtue Makes Martyrs.

I Am Open-minded On All Questions I Care Nothing About.

The Puritan Sours His Pleasures By Disguising Them As Duties.

As Night Falls, Every Joy Glows Brighter.

City Wits, Country Humorists.

A Quiet Well-behaved Boy Is Likely To Be Both Frightened And Ambitious.

Complainers Rule Out Happiness, Mentioning It Only As Something Lost.

To Postpone Unpleasantness Is Human; To Forget It Is Divine.

Rage Against The World, If You Like, But Quietly, Or The Guardians Will Awake.

Early Every Morning An Old Woman Goes To The Market To Curse A Grocery Clerk, Who Curses Back.

Electricity, Water, Gas, And Steam Course Through The Walls Of My Building, Keeping It Alive.

One's Fetishes Are Fascinating, But Not Because Of Their Beauty Or Significance. The Same Could Be Said For One's Genitals, Or One's Children.

In Ethics, Prudence Is Not An Important Virtue, But In The World It Is Almost Everything.

Writing Is A Refuge From Unhappiness, But Has Its Own Sorrows.

Interpreting The Dance: Young Women In White Dancing In A Ring Can Only Be Virgins; Old Women In Black Dancing In A Ring Can Only Be Witches; But Middle-aged Women In Colors, Square Dancing...?

The Power Of The Past Does Not Depend On Our Knowledge Of It.

No One Can Remember Himself As An Unpleasant Child.

As A Youth, I Sought Out Decadence; As An Elder, I Try To Avoid Decay.

Street Sign: Ho Hum Road & Easy Street In Retirement, I Look For Days Off From My Days Off.

Faith Of The Bore: Everything Is Worth Saying.

The Narcissist Enjoys Being Looked At And Not Looking Back.

In The Present Age, A Man With Harmonious Ideas Is Regarded As Out Of Touch.

Old Age: I Fall Asleep During The Funerals Of My Friends.

The Theme Of My Autobiography Could Only Be Repetition.

Curiosity Engenders Both Science And Scandal.

Kindness Eases Everything Almost As Much As Money Does.

The Ancient Mariner Seizes The Guest At The Wedding Feast And Will Not Let Go Until He Has Told All His Story: The Prototype Of The Bore.

To Love A Fool Is A Misfortune, But Does Not Make One A Fool.

My Mind No Longer Has Romantic Abysses, But Has Become Shallow, With Many Little Gaps And Cracks.

When Science Drove The Gods Out Of Nature, They Took Refuge In Poetry And The Porticos Of Civic Buildings.

Mistakes Are The Only Universal Form Of Originality.

Boredom And Fear Keep Us Working And Obeying The Laws.

A Well-paid Occupation Is Seldom Spoken Of As "rewarding.

Well-behaved: He Always Speaks As If His Mother Might Be Listening.

In The Street, The Gaze Of Desire Is Furtive Or Menacing.

Illusions Are Hazardous, And So Are Disillusions.

Disillusionment

Few Friendships Could Survive The Moodiness Of Love Affairs.

In Even The Happiest Love Story, The World Wins At Last.

Pornography Supplies The Only Really Safe Sex.

In The Theater Of Confusion, Knowing The Location Of The Exits Is What Counts.

Even The Most Abject Have A Sense Of Superiority Based On Powerful Though Undefined Merits.

My Intentions Go One Way, My Desires Another. Thus I Feel Both Self-indulgent And Deprived.

Good Advice Is Never As Helpful As An Interest-free Loan.

Nostalgia Paints A Smile On The Stony Face Of The Past.

Rebuttals Never Alter Desire.

Psychology Keeps Trying To Vindicate Human Nature. History Keeps Undermining The Effort.

Suspense Combines Curiosity With Fear And Pulls Them Up A Rising Slope.

Language Is The Friendliest Of The Things From Which We Cannot Escape.

It Is Not Confused. We Are.

Every Time I Change The Way I Explain Myself To Myself, I Have To Rearrange The Story Of My Life.

The Familiar Changes As We Cling To It.

Innocence Is Thought Charming Because It Offers Delightful Possibilities For Exploitation.

My Self-absorption Warms Me; Yours Boils Me.

Self Absorption

A Laughing Lear Would Be Monstrous. Not So A Laughing Romeo And Juliet.

The Public Is A Hibernating Bear, Hard To Awaken And Fond Of Honey.

Reading Gives Us Someplace To Go When We Have To Stay Where We Are.

The Modest Youth Somehow Knows Just What To Do For The Cameras.

Awakening In The Morning Returns Us To Life, And To Awareness Of Death.

I Am Forbidden Sugar, Fat, And Alcohol. So Hooray, I Guess, For Oatmeal, Lemon Juice, And Chicken Soup.

Passion Cooks. Reason Cleans.

Whether I Give To A Beggar Or Not, His Existence Puts Me In The Wrong.

The Privacy Of Reading Frees Us To Entertain The Alien.

The Body Has A Mind Of Its Own.

The Party Out Of Office Becomes The Articulate One.

Humor Does Not Rescue Us From Unhappiness, But Enables Us To Move Back From It A Little.

The Pleasantest Part Of Work Is Having Done It.

Guilt Agonizes Over Trifles, Ignores Habitual Wrongdoing.

My Mind Is Led Astray By Every Faint Rustle.

Holding Unconventional Opinions Makes People Feel They Have Strong Characters.

I Am Plain-speaking Out Of Both Sides Of My Mouth.

Anybody Can Lead A Frivolous Life. A Frivolous Writer, However, Must Have Taste And Intelligence.

Lack Of Reciprocity Ruins Friendships, But Makes Love Affairs Exciting For A Time.

If You Do Not Throw In A Few Promises Of Better Things To Come, Gloomy One, I Am Going To Take You Back To The Library.

Beautiful People Are Forgiven More Often Than The Rest.

Rule Of Religion: Purpose Breathes Even In Dirt And Stones.

An Omnipotent God Is The Only Being With No Reason To Lie.

Never Try To Leap From A Standstill.

The Doctrine Of The Immortality Of The Soul Has More Threat Than Comfort.

Some Loves Are Like A Vice That Has Ceased To Give Pleasure.

My Father Liked To Moralize, And So Do I. But He Was In Earnest, While I Am Embarrassed And Pretend That I Am Merely Being Witty.

We May Eat Dinner Together, But Everyone Puts The Food In His Own Mouth.

To Be A Social Success, Do Not Act Pathetic, Arrogant, Or Bored. Do Not Discuss Your Unhappy Childhood, Your Visit To The Dentist,the Shortcomings Of Your Cleaning Woman, The State Of Your Bowels, Or Your Spouse's Bad Habits. You Will Be Thought A Paragon (or Perhaps A Monster) Of Good Behavior.

Unhappy Childhood

Thank God For The Passing Of The Discomforts And Vile Cuisine Of The Age Of Chivalry!

Most People Regard Getting Their Way As A Matter Of Simple Justice.

Sexual Attraction Makes The Strangest Bedfellows Of All.

A Crisis Unmasks Everyone.

Self-inflicted Misery Smirks Under Its Crown Of Thorns.

Fame Now Wears The Halo That Once Crowned Holiness.

Ideology Has Shaped The Very Sofa On Which I Sit.

An Old Man Drinks Tea And Reads The Newspaper--forgetting Age For A Moment.

Always Clamping Down On Excitement Is Not Self-control But Fear.

No Dignity Without Distance.

Dancers Dance Through Their Pain I Shrink From Mine.

Like Love, Grief Fades In And Out.

Sincerity: Willingness To Spend One's Own Money.

Self-deception Is Nature; Hypocrisy Is Art.

I Am Easy-going Right Up To The Borders Of My Self-interest.

Timidity Keeps Me Safe And Sad In A Narrow Room.

Some Subjects Come Up Suddenly In Our Speech And Cannot Be Silenced.

An Aphorism That Does Not Score Is Just One More Sentence.

Money Is To My Social Existence What Health Is To My Body.

Wallace Stevens: The Platonist Celebrates Endless Change, But With Regret.

I Know That I Am Very Much Like Everybody Else, But Not Really.

Every Seeming Equality Conceals A Hierarchy.

The Little Suckings And Smackings Of The Perversions Are The Sounds Of Joyous Infancy.

Seek And Hide: The Lover Gazes At The Beloved. The Beloved Looks Away. The Beloved Turns And Looks At The Lover. The Lover Runs Away.

Money Comes To Life As It Is Spent.

Flattery And Insults Raise The Same Question: What Do You Want?

Unconditional Love Is A Lofty Ideal, But Unconditional Hate Is A Fact Well Documented By History.

Many Count On Their Disadvantages To Cover For Them.

Change Often Makes Accepted Customs Into Crimes.

A Real Idea Keeps Changing And Appears In Many Places.

The Higher The Moral Tone, The More Suspect The Speaker.

Comedy Defends The Commonplace; Tragedy Explodes It.

Politicians Love Change, But Of Details Only.

Why Do We Never Expect Dull People To Be Rascals?

Fortuna Likes To Find A Crowd And Follow It.

If Success Is A Habit, It Is A Hard One To Acquire.

Congratulations

Flattery Has To Overcome My Mistrust, And It Does.

If I Had Found The Words I Was Looking For, I Would Not Have Read So Much.

The Routines Of Tourism Are Even More Monotonous Than Those Of Daily Life.

Monotonous Life

Art Begins In Imitation And Ends In Innovation.

The More Knowledge, The Clearer What The Doubts Are.

Reading A Great Book Causes Jolts And Frights.

Never Invite To Dinner: Those Who Won't Decide Until The Last Minute; Those Who Come More Than Half An Hour Late; Those Who Want To Bring Along Two Or Three Friends; Drunks; Monologists; Those Who Stay Until Three O'clock In The Morning; Those Who Think That Conversation Means Having An Argument; Those Who Take A High Moral Tone; Those Who Are Stupid, Ugly, Or Dull. Enforcement Of These Rules Will Enable One To Eat Alone Every Night In Comfort.

No Need To Be Sentimental To Mourn The Loss Of Paradise.

All Anger Feels Like Righteous Anger; Sorrow Does Not Care Whether It Is Righteous Or Not.

Nothing Easier Than To Confuse Busyness With Goodness.

Once Discover Comfort, And There Is No Turning Back.

No Turning Back

Excrement Can Never Be Culturally Elaborated To The Extent That Nutriment Can.

The Mind Demands Rules; The Facts Demand Exceptions.

If You Corner Me, You Are Going To Hear Some Unwelcome Truths.

Victimization Has Its Privileges, And I Want Some.

I Am Most Drawn To Writing When I Have Something Else Urgent To Do.

Outside Literature, High-flown Sentiments Are Merely Exasperating.

Profundity Often Goes Past The Issue To Some Deep But Useless Truth.

Art Can Make Chaos Seductive.

Masturbation Is A Democratic Pleasure, Practiced By Rich And Poor, Young And Old, Married And Single.

Philosophy Likes To Keen Common Sense On The Run.

The Sorrow Of Not Being Movie Stars Overwhelms Millions.

The Man In The Street Is Always A Stranger.

Self-hatred Is Sometimes Appropriate.

Staid Middle Age Loves The Hurricane Passions Of Opera.

Even In Writing An Annual Report, The Unconscious Plays A Role.

We Take Refuge In Illness And Then Are Trapped There.

Aphorisms May Equivocate, But They Must Not Wobble.

True Self Is The Part Of Us That Does Not Change When Circumstances Do.

No Use Saying Necessity Is Making A Mistake.

Making Mistakes

I'm Being Treated Like A Sex Object, Cried The Lady. No Matter. I Will Take Care Of It, Said Time Soothingly.

The Ravaged Face In The Mirror Hides The Enchanting Youth That Is The Real Me.

Memory Is Imagination Pinned Down.

Rule Of Science: Only Exclude Purpose, And Nature Will Reveal Her Causes.

Disillusionment Is Not Truth.

Disillusionment

Adrenalin Dispels Boredom. Run, You Sufferers From Ennui! Run For Your Lives!

Suspicion Is The Beginning Of Wisdom, And Of Madness.

After Ages Of Bombast, The Rhetoric Of Virtue Has Become Ironic And Shy.

The Desire To Create Literature Leads To Frights, Grunts, And Coy Looks.

When You Feel Protective Toward Your Parents, You Have Become An Adult.

Commitments, Not Feelings, Hold Life Together.

To Avoid Doing Anything, Wait For The Right Circumstances.

In Love, We Worry More About The Meaning Of Silences Than The Meaning Of Words.

Vanity Well Fed Is Benevolent. Vanity Hungry Is Spiteful.

I Trust You Because I Need You.

Forgetting And Remembering Are Governed By Laws, But We Cannot Find Out What They Are.

Life Is What It Makes You.

The Man Of Sensibility Is Too Busy Talking About His Feelings To Have Time For Good Deeds.

If The Current Is Right, One Can Drift To Success.

Some Live In A State Of Passionate Indecision.

Adversity Can Strengthen Us If It Does Not Go On Too Long.

Minds Will Wander Even During The Last Judgment.

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