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Both President Obama And Former President George W. Bush Were Interviewed On 'face The Nation' Over The Weekend. President Bush Said There's A 50 Percent Chance His Brother Jeb Will Run For President In 2016. Then He Said, 'but There's An 80 Percent Chance He Won't.'

-Jimmy Fallon

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Both President Obama And

Jimmy Fallon

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Both President Obama And Former President George W. Bush Were Interviewed On 'face The Nation' Over The Weekend. President Bush Said There's A 50 Percent Chance His Brother Jeb Will Run For President In 2016. Then He Said, 'but There's An 80 Percent Chance He Won't.'

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Apparently President Obama's Favorite Cocktail Is A Martini. When Asked How He Likes It, He Said, 'on The Beach, In Hawaii, In 2017.'

I Like To See People Laugh Who Are Normally Serious.

It's Being Reported That Google Spent Over $5 Million On Lobbying Just During The First Quarter Of This Year. You'd Think Google Wouldn't Really Need To Lobby Politicians. All They Have To Say Is, 'we Have Your Search History. Do What We Tell You.'

According To A New Report, Since He's Been Governor, Chris Christie Has Spent $82,000 At A Concession Stand At Metlife Stadium. Now, I Know It Seems Like The Perfect Story For A Chris Christie Joke But I'm Actually On A Chris Christie Joke Diet. So Nothing For Me, Thanks.

Rachel Dolezal Stepped Down From Her Position As President Of An Naacp Chapter After It Was Revealed That She Was A White Woman Pretending To Be Black. Now Her Brother Says He Knew About It But She Asked Him Not To Blow Her Cover. Unfortunately, Her Cover Had Already Been Blown By God When He Made Her A Blond-haired, Blue-eyed White Lady.

After Michael Jordan Recently Criticized President Obama's Golf Game, Obama Responded By Saying That Jordan Should Spend More Time Thinking About His Basketball Team, The Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan Said, 'do You Really Want To Talk About Whose Team Got Crushed This Week?'

A New Poll Found That Almost 70 Percent Of Voters Say That Whoever Our Next President Is, They Must Have Political Experience. You Know, Because It Would Be Rude To Say 'anyone But Donald Trump.'

In A Recent Interview, Jeb Bush Revealed That His Brother George Gave Him The Nickname 'tortoise' Because He's Making Slow, Steady Progress. Though I Think The Bigger Story Here Is That Compared To George, Jeb Is The Slow One.

In A New Interview, The President Discussed The Upcoming Election. He Said That Hillary Clinton Is Going To Do Great As A Presidential Candidate. When Asked How Biden Would Do, Obama Said, 'hillary's Going To Do Great.'

Scott Walker's Campaign Slogan Is 'reform. Growth. Safety.' Which Is Actually Similar To Donald Trump's New Slogan: 'mexico. Money. Crazy.'

In An Interview, President Obama Said He Recently Deejayed A Small Dance Party At The White House. Obama Has A Lot In Common With Deejays. He Takes Requests And Then Completely Ignores Them.

[writing A Joke] There Is No Team Of Writers. It's Just You In An Office, Staring At Yourself In The Mirror.

The Heroic New York Doctor Who Caught Ebola Has Been Declared Ebola Free. President Obama Called The Doctor To Thank Him For His Selflessness And Compassion. Then To Be Safe, Obama Threw His Phone In A Trash Can And Lit It On Fire.

President Obama Said That If He Could Have Any Superpower, He'd Want The Ability To Speak Any Language. That's So Everyone In The World Could Tell Him He Picked One Of The Lamest Possible Superpowers.

George W. Bush Gave A Commencement Speech At Southern Methodist University This Weekend. It Was Pretty Inspirational. He Said, 'as I Like To Tell The 'c' Students, You Too Can Be President.' Even George W. Bush Has George W. Bush Comedy Material In His Act.

Today President Obama Gave A Major Speech Where He Defended His Handling Of The Economy. And There Were Tons Of People In The Audience, You Know, Since Nobody Had To Be At Work.

I Didn't Think It Was Going To Be This Fun. But Everything Just Gets Heightened When You Have A Baby. The Volume Gets Turned Up On Life. I Never Knew I Could Be This Happy, And That's The Truth.

A Political Action Committee Trying To Raise Money For A 2016 Hillary Clinton Campaign Is Selling “ready For Hillary” Champagne Glasses And Christmas Ornaments. Because If One Thing Improves The Holidays, It's Drinking Mixed With Politics.

Police In Texas Arrested A Man Who Was Using The Alias 'barack Obama' While Trying To Steal Money From 35 Atms. They Could Tell Something Was Up When A Guy Named Barack Obama Was Trying To Take Money From Banks Instead Of Giving It To Them.

When You Were A Kid, It [work In Ibm] Seemed Like An Awesome Job. I'd Get To Go To Work And Have A Briefcase. I Loved How Dad Wore A Tie And Got A Car. I Didn't Know If All Those Things Came Together. I'd See My Dad Go Off To Work And We'd Wait For Him To Come Home, And We'd All Be Excited To See Him.

Thank You... Motion Sensor Hand Towel Machine. You Never Work, So I Just End Up Looking Like I'm Waving Hello To A Wall Robot.

According To A New Poll, The Number Of Americans Who Trust Hillary Is Dropping. Specifically Into A Hole That Hillary Covered With Leaves.

After A Six-year Battle, The Senate Will Vote Next Week To Begin Construction On The Keystone Xl Pipeline, Which Is An Oil Pipeline That Runs From Canada To The Gulf Coast. They're Hoping The Pipeline Will Provide Enough Oil To Cover Kim Kardashian's Next Photo Shoot.

According To A New Survey, Almost Half Of The Voters In Ohio, Florida, And Pennsylvania Say That They Do Not Trust Hillary Clinton. Republicans Immediately Got Together And Said, 'ok, This Is A Huge Opportunity For Us. How Are We Going To Screw It Up?'

I Just Really Don't Like Being The Center Of Attention That Much. It's Kind Of Ironic.

Center Of Attention

Researches Tested A New Form Of Medical Marijuana That Treats Pain But Doesn't Get The User High, Prompting Patients Who Need Medical Marijuana To Declare, 'thank You?'

This Week, A 95-year-old Woman Married A 98-year-old Man To Become The World's Oldest Newlyweds. They're Registered At Bed, Sponge Bath And Beyond.

Lincoln Chafee, Former Governor Of Rhode Island, Announced He's Running For President. Before He Announced He's Running, His Wife Went On Facebook And Asked His Staff If They Remembered His Password. Because If A Facebook Password Is Too Hard To Remember, The Launch Codes For The Nukes Should Be A Piece Of Cake.

I, Of Course, Wanted To Do Something With Drew Barrymore. Please. So We Were Reading Scripts Back And Forth And Then We Found This Script, Fever Pitch...

A House Panel In Texas Has Approved Full Marijuana Legalization For The State. Yeah, Meaning Texas Could Go From Having Dude Ranches To 'dude, Ranches.'

When I Was A Kid, You Would Tune In To "the Tonight Show" Before You Went To Sleep. Johnny Carson. A Big Treat. I Know It's A Privilege Of Mine To Be Able To Be In People's Homes. So I Hope I Make Everyone Proud, Including My Parents, And Do A Good Job In This.

After Months Of Negotiations, Iran Has Finally Agreed To Reduce Its Nuclear Weapons Program. Which Was Great Until Putin Showed Up And Said, 'hi, I'm Here About Craigslist Ad For Nukes.'

Disney World Is Celebrating Its 40th Birthday! You Can Tell The Characters Are Getting Old. In Addition To Snow White's Seven Dwarfs, She Now Has 25 Cats.

The White House Announced That President Obama Will Attend A Summit In Kenya This July. When Asked If He's Ever Been To Kenya, Obama Said, 'of Course. I Was Born - No, Bored - Over There. There's Nothing To Do In Kenya.'

Rick Perry Said Donald Trump Is Unfit To Be President And Called For Him To Immediately Withdraw From The Race. Then He Said, 'and That's Coming From Me!'

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